Reviews:
SkyChaser17: Oh my God the sibling and chaotic energy in this one is so good XD The reference and it's snowballing from there is just a bonus man XD
Chaotic energy is one of the charms of this fic! Glad you're enjoyning them!
EnkiduKingu: Need more please
Will deliver o7
Rey de Picas:Agradecido que por fin se actualizó. Estuve esperando y valió algo, ah, ahora toca esperar y ver cómo va, quería alguna que otra interacción más "bonita" o alguna confusión extra con Majin, pero bueno, toca esperar.
Thank you for still reading despite the atrocious frequency for updates. There will be more interactions and fun, maybe even lovey-dovey with Majin in the next chapter!
Reaper200851: A few typos here and there. For instance "He refused to let Archer of all people he was looking forward to eating his food." is missing "know" so it should be "He refused to let Archer of all people know he was looking forward to eating his food." Also, "Ahah! You aren't even dying it!" has a misspelt "denying" Overall though, the chapter was rather entertaining. And it's interesting to know that Okita is here as well.
Fixed it thanks to you! I always appreciate your reviews, so thank you once again. Yeah, that was a bit of fanservice for myself, but I assure you that Artoria and other Servants will come in future chapters. I hope you're still enjoying reading this!
redskin122004:fuck, the small clips from the abridge series ruined all their voices to me... at least in english. lmao
Actually fair. Every time I start writing this fic, I always hear the abridged voices, especially Archer, Rin, and Lancer lmao
Pryanik:Nice chapter. Wanna see more okita/majin interactions
Thank you! There will be more, don't worry
Gigame: holy shiet, there is an update :0
Indeed there has been :)
Kirby The God Eater: N-n-n-n-nani?! An Update? Is this some sort of dream cycle?
Perhaps-
orocontra2012: Nice to see this update.
Glad you're still reading!
Exodus12345: Oh nice both Shirou's are getting an Okita in this one. The double date would be hilarious.
Well both aren't in the romantic phase yet, but that'll definitely happen at some point
JLLLJLJLJ: Finally a new chapter,it's great hope to see more chapters soon
Will do my best!
geekfigth: Welcome back!
Thank you!
Remember, this is crack... treated seriously. Don't take the characterization too seriously, guys. This is a fun fluff and slice-of-life fic -_-
Also, any scene involving Okita Souji (Saber) will be referred to as either Saber, Sakura Saber or Souji to differentiate from our heroine of this fic, Majin-san! You'll also finally get to see the new name of the cafe (lol). Thank you to Monótono, Kazulixo39, and Archer_Gilgamesh3436 for the suggestion at AO3. Anyway, this chapter will be more comedy-heavy, but there will still be a bit of fluff involved!
Chop-chop-chop-chop-chop.
Chop-chop-chop-chop-chop.
Chop-chop-chop-chop-chop.
Chop-chop-chop-chop-chop.
"Senpai?"
"Yeah?"
"Why are you cutting so many vegetables?"
"Training."
"For... what?"
"Training to beat that foolish boy," Archer started as he finished dicing shallots. "And prove to him I'm the better cook."
Okita tilted her head, confusion apparent. "The one who came with Rin, Sakura, and Nee-chan— I mean, Saber-san?"
His hand came to a stop just as he was about to reach for a few potatoes, silver brow quirking upwards with amusement sparkling in his eyes. Well, that was certainly news to him. He couldn't help but ask with a smirk, "Since when did you start calling her 'Nee-chan'?"
Pink dusted her cheeks, turning away from his smirking visage. "My Saber self kept on pestering me to call her that..."
"Mhm. Sounded like you didn't mind, though." He teased, arms crossing over his chest.
She puffed her cheek. "She was being incredibly stubborn."
"Uh-huh. I'm sure that was the case."
"You clearly don't believe me, Senpai..."
His snicker was basically his confirmation of her accusation, resulting in her groaning in defeat.
As the bowman resumed cutting vegetables into pieces, he allowed his mind to wander to the past few days.
After officially settling on a date for Archer and Shirou Emiya's cooking contest, Rin, Sakura, and occasionally Saber came to their café more frequently for breakfast and lunch, indulging themselves with his cooking. They also wanted the young faker to join them, but he was adamant about his refusal. In his words, 'I'm not going to let Archer have the luxury to show off his skills in front of me.'
And in his defense, he was absolutely right. Archer would have done just that to crush his confidence. Oh, he could just imagine the boy's face if he did come. The silver-haired man was more than happy to give Shirou a front-row seat to his cooking skills. Yeah, he'll crush his confidence into a pulp—
"Senpai, I don't think it's a good idea to cut potatoes that thin..."
At the Alter's interjection, EMIYA returned to his senses and dipped his head down...
To see almost invisible slices of potatoes.
"Oh..."
Maybe he was letting his imagination run wild too much...
"They're still usable." He tried to convince himself... Keyword: tried. "Or not."
Okita, on the other hand, didn't she didn't share the same thought. "I think you can still use thin slices of potatoes for a dish. Those looked like they were too thin. Perhaps if you cut the potatoes into just the right thinness and combine them?"
Archer felt his brow quirking upward once more. His face soon brightened as if a lightbulb had just been lit up. "I think you're onto something, Okita."
"I am?"
"Yeah," His lips began to stretch into a grin. Walking over to the Alter, he ruffled her hair. "Thanks. I'll make you some oden for dinner."
The Alter tried his absolute best not to let her fluster show, fighting back the creeping heat in her cheeks. "It's no problem, Senpai. I'm just glad I could help."
"Well then," Stretching his neck, he went back to the kitchen. Inspiration was written all over his visage as he grabbed hold of his knife. "I'll have to lessen the portions, so you'll have enough room for dinner."
Cynical, snarky, and an ass he could be, EMIYA wouldn't brush off sincere cooking advice from his partner.
...In the Emiya Household...
"Try this one next, Saber!"
"Oooh, grilled salmon! Thank you, Master! Mm... This one is delicious too! I can really taste the herbs and spices!"
"Give me some, too, blondie!"
"H-Hey! Wait for your own!"
Chaos filled the Emiya household as Saber and Lancer fought over a piece of fish, chopsticks clashing against one another. Glares were sent, metaphorical streams of lightning coming off of them. Shirou Emiya paid them no mind as he started preparing the next dish.
Just like his counterpart, the young faker was also training for their cooking contest, honing and improving recipes he had already learned.
By now, it was obvious that something was amiss in the household. And if one were to point out if it was about the Hound sitting beside Saber, fighting over a piece of salmon, they'd be right. Long story short: Cu Chulainn was the stand-in food taster for both Rin and Sakura.
Since Rin stubbornly insisted that she and her sister would be the judges, they banned themselves from eating at the Emiya household for the time being, much to their secret dismay.
And so, Shirou begrudgingly brought in someone who could provide a more... objective opinion regarding the taste of his dishes.
"Ah!"
"Hehe, you snooze, you lose, Saber!"
Catching Souji off guard, Cu flickered the piece of salmon upward and caught the piece with his mouth, smirking triumphantly at the seething swordswoman.
"Don't provoke her too much, Lancer. I'll make you your own salmon in a bit." Shirou sighed, adding and whisking miso paste into a pot. "Anyways, what do you think of the grilled salmon?"
Humming in thought as he savored the flavors, the blue-haired man swallowed, "The flavors are good..."
"I'm sensing a 'but' here."
"Heh," He simply flashed a smirk, using his chopsticks to fend off Okita, who was trying to steal a piece of pork from his plate. "The natural taste of the salmon weakened because of the herbs and spices. Don't get me wrong; it's delicious, but I'd prefer if the flavors of the salmon are enhanced instead of being overpowered."
His logical reasoning made it hard to argue, so Shirou nodded, "Got it. I'll take note of that."
"By the way, you never told me who you were going up against in a cooking contest?"
Cu felt himself snicker at the grumbling he heard from the kitchen.
"It's Archer..."
Did he hear him just right...? "The white-haired, snarky asshole?"
"I wouldn't exactly call him that..."
"No need to sugarcoat it, Okita." Her Master deadpanned, soon nodding. "But yeah, him."
"Okaaaay... Where's it going to be held?"
"At his café."
"I see."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"HE HAS A CAFÉ?!"
...The Day of the Cooking Contest...
"Unlimited Coffee Works...?" Lancer muttered, staring at the name of the establishment.
At Lancer's insistence (and pestering), Shirou had been forced to let the spearman tag along. The auburn-haired teen was slightly aware of the man's relationship with the bowman, and that's why he dreaded letting him come. He didn't want to give Archer a reason to ridicule or glare at him!
"Tohsaka said it was at least a lot better than the old name this café had," Shirou said, scratching his cheek.
Souji nodded before stroking her chin, "I remember it being something like... Café de Shiro...?"
"White café... white coffee?" Cu repeated, then snorted. "Was the guy trying to be fancy by having a French name for the place? That's so lame! Hahaha!"
Well, he was the one who said that, so it felt like Shirou didn't need to worry about getting an arrow shot through his chest.
"Let's just head inside."
"Ahaha! Haha... aha... Sure, kid."
The two went inside to see while the Saber Servant sweatdropped. She didn't really get it, though she soon followed them in.
"You're finally— Lancer? What are you doing here?" Rin cut herself off, addressing the Irish spearman as she blinked in surprise.
"This is an unexpected trio," Sakura added, her own surprise visible on her features.
"Somehow, it's kind of fitting. There's red, blue... and blonde," came the voice of one Illyasviel von Einzbern, smiling innocently beside the purple-haired girl.
"At least say pink!" Saber puffed her cheek before tackling the girl into a hug. "You're so mean, Illya-chan!"
"Hehe, I kid, I kid."
Shirou felt his lips curl upward as Lancer looked around, whistling in mild amazement. "I was ready to roast Archer, but the interior ain't half-bad."
"Did I just hear a dog barking inside my café?"
"Who are you calling a dog!?"
"You, obviously."
The grumpy voice of the crimson bowman came out of the back door, making his and the Alter Servant's presence known to everyone. His left eye twitched 'pon seeing the Lancer present. His annoyed gaze would soon shift toward Shirou, who glared back.
"Must you bring the mutt along with you, boy?"
"You can't blame me for everything, Archer."
"I can, and I will," He snapped with a tone that left no room for arguments. The Counter Guardian finally noticed the Einzbern, his eyes widening for a moment before returning to neutrality. "I see you brought Illya von Einzbern with you."
Ilya nodded, flashing a slight smile toward the bowman. "That they did. I'll be one of the judges, along with Rin and Sakura. I hope you don't mind, Archer!"
Archer stared at the homunculus for a good second or two, soon huffing and saying, "...As long as you pay for your meals, you are welcome to come at any time."
"Thanks!"
Everyone... Actually, it was only Rin who stared at the scene in disbelief before she swiveled her head toward her sister and friends.
"Did you guys just see that?! What the hell was that reaction?!"
"Ahaha... Yes, I did, Nee-san."
"He wasn't as... snappy or grumpy with Illya." Shirou opined, with Lancer nodding in agreement.
"I've never seen him act like that with anyone besides that kouhai of his." The Irish spearman whispered. "You think he's a lolico—ACK!?"
His incredible instincts and Protection from Arrows were not enough for him to anticipate the highspeed projectile that hit his face— also known as a silver spoon.
Everyone appropriately sweatdropped.
Rubbing his throbbing forehead, the bowman grumbled and faced his counterpart. "Well? Are you prepared to see the difference between our level, Shirou Emiya?"
"Hmph. That's my line, Archer. I'm not going to lose to you when it comes to cooking."
If anyone were to look closely at the two, they probably could see metaphorical flames raging behind their backs.
Inside the kitchen, the two fakers started to prep the necessary components for their dishes in their corners, their respective partners assisting them.
"Thanks for helping me prep the ingredients, Okita." Archer offered her his sincerity with a thankful nod.
"It's the least I could." A ghost of a smile would be sent to the man, which caused the corners of his lips to twitch. "Good luck, Senpai."
With his E-rank luck, that kind of luck likely wouldn't come, but the sentiment was enough for him to let out a good-hearted chuckle.
"Thanks."
With a nod of her own, she would head to what Rin dubbed 'the spectator corner' with her Saber self. Rin looked at the two competitors and nodded to herself.
"All right! Within an hour, you two must prepare the finest dishes you can make! Are you both ready?"
"Hmph. Let's just get this over with."
"I'm ready, Tohsaka."
"Then... begin!"
At her signal, the two responded with a knife in their grasp.
However, contrary to everyone's expectations, there was no lightning-speed chopping or fancy pan flipping. The fakers took their time chopping or mixing the ingredients necessary for their dishes. Though their faces were as intense as could be as if facing a war, their movements were calm and evenly paced.
The smell of fish came from Shirou's corner, while meat came from Archer's. Both were appetizing scents that stirred the appetites of the observers. They had to fight the urge to drool... Perhaps that was a bit of an exaggeration, but their hunger was true.
Lancer hated to admit it, but damn, a pool of drool was quickly forming in his mouth!
He had never eaten Archer's cooking before, yet the smell alone from what he was cooking made him certain it would be delicious.
'Why the hell are these two so good at cooking!?'
"Master, please make enough for the rest of us!" Souji pleaded from the sidelines.
Lancer was quick to add, "Yeah! Don't be cruel like Archer!"
"For your information, I made enough for everyone in this room." EMIYA retorted, brow twitching at the other's remark. "Even the boy here."
"No one would figure that out, you know." Shirou quipped, ignoring the glare Archer sent him.
Illya giggled at their interaction, happily sniffing the fragrant and mouthwatering scent in the air.
"Mm... I can't wait to see what they're cooking up!"
"Well, it's bound to be delicious," The older Tohsaka commented. "Sakura and I tasted both of their cooking, so we're guaranteed to have a good meal."
The white-haired girl tilted her head, smiling mischievously, "I'm surprised, Rin. I never expected you to admit that Archer's cooking is good that easily."
Embarrassed pink dusted her cheeks. "W-Well, I'm an objective judge right now, okay!? He may be the devil, but he knows his way in the kitchen!"
"I'm not the devil, Rin!" yelled Archer from his side of the kitchen.
"You are, and you know it!"
"Goddammit!"
"There they go again, ahaha..." Sakura chuckled wryly.
Before they knew it, time was up.
"Okay, stop! Both of you present your dishes!"
The two set down their dishes at the judges' table before giving the rest of the audience their plate of food. Everyone's eyes widened to admire their dishes.
Born from the traditional dish of salmon, rice, and miso soup, Shirou Emiya presented the combined form of the three. Grilled, glistening salmon rested on a bed of rice, surrounded by shitake mushrooms, roasted seaweed, and scallions. Underneath the fish and veggies was heartwarming miso soup— a glazed salmon miso soup rice bowl!
Archer, on the other hand, looked anything but Japanese cuisine! Thin slices of potato stacked together to form a mini tower settled on the plate, bits of herbs sticking out like a sore thumb. Accompanying the potatoes was none other than...
"A burger...?" muttered the perplexed jewel magus, blinking as if she was staring at some unknown specimen before promptly screaming, "A BURGER?!"
"Ugh..."
Archer and Shirou groaned and covered their ears. Seriously, how are her vocal cords still fine after screaming so much?
"Can you save your outburst after taking a bite, Rin?" Archer huffed, understandably annoyed.
Shirou rubbed his ears and nodded, "I hate to agree with him, but he's right, Tohsaka."
"Hmph. Fine!" Tohsaka turned to everyone, signaling them with a nod. "Let's eat!"
"Thank you for the food!"
...
Thirty minutes later...
"They both tasted so good..." Lancer sighed in satisfaction, patting his stomach as he leaned against his chair.
"I want Master to win, but the burger Archer made was delicious too!" Souji whined as she did the same.
"It was so juicy, and it was kinda fun eating those crispy potato stacks!"
"I know what you mean! It felt so good biting into them!"
"Oh, but that kid's rice bowl wasn't bad either. Every ingredient involved in the dish enhanced the salmon's flavor. It paired really well with the rice and miso soup."
"Mhm, mhm. It was so warm and filling."
With the way they were getting along, one wouldn't think they were fighting with their chopsticks last night during dinner...
Only the Alter seemed unfazed by the dishes, though it was easy to see the hint of satisfaction sparkling in her blank visage.
"Those two took our roles..." Rin deadpanned as Sakura smiled sheepishly. "Shall we start as well?"
"Sure. I'm ready to give my vote!" Illya exclaimed enthusiastically.
"I'm ready as well, Nee-san."
Shooting up from her seat, Rin slammed the table with her palms. "All right. We will now express our thoughts and cast our vote!"
Archer and Shirou gave her a nod before the brunette voiced her thoughts.
"I'll start things off," She began, eyeing the empty bowl and plate in front of her. "Both dishes were delicious. I think we can all admit that as a fact. And as much as I hate to give him the satisfaction... Archer has my vote."
Archer's lips twitched. Shirou blinked.
As if reading the auburn-haired faker's mind, she waved a hand dismissively.
"I know what you're thinking, Shirou. Obviously, I'm going to explain myself." She said, turning her gaze to the empty plate of the burger. "Despite us judges eating Shirou's rice bowl first, the burger remained incredibly juicy, and the potato stacks crisp. Like Lancer and Saber said, taking a bite of something crispy is satisfying, not to mention it was delicious and paired well with the burger."
"It was like another way to eat burgers and fries," Sakura added with a smile, earning a nod from her sister.
"Therefore, I vote for Archer!"
"Naturally." Acting nonchalant didn't hide the fact Archer was glad for her vote. That feeling would immediately be shot down by Sakura.
"I'm actually of a different opinion, Nee-san," Sakura chimed in. "Archer's dish is really delicious, but I prefer Senpai's."
Rin rose a brow, prompting Sakura to nod her head. "Really?"
"When I thought about what dish I wanted to eat again, Senpai's rice bowl came to mind. It's the perfect meal for winter and quite healthy, too!" The purple-haired girl elucidated, throwing a smile on Shirou's way. "I vote for Senpai."
Shirou returned her smile with his nod, gratitude lacing his visage. "Thanks, Sakura."
"Understandable," said Archer, briefly catching everyone off guard. They were certain he would respond negatively to that vote. "What? Just because I hate this idiot—"
"Hey!"
"Doesn't mean I'd be unreasonable enough to argue Sakura's vote." He finished, eyes closed. "Besides, I hate the boy's food as well. Objectively speaking, it was healthier and heartier than my dish."
Lancer just stared as if the bowman had grown a second head. "Whoa... That sure is... something."
Rin tossed in her two cents, "I thought he'd take the chance to shit on Shirou."
"Senpai's kind," was all the Alter said.
"That's one-to-one, right? I guess the victor will depend on my vote." Illya's voice gathered everyone's attention as she stared at the two fakers, humming in contemplation as ruby hues flickered between them and their dishes.
Unlike the pair of sisters, the white-haired girl took her sweet, sweet time in gathering her thoughts, simply staring at Archer and Shirou every once in a while before moving her attention to the empty bowl and plate. If they were being honest, the suspenseful silence made everyone nervous, and they weren't even the competitors!
"Okay, I decided!" Illya broke the silence, startling the chefs. "I... can't decide."
...
...
...
...
"HUH!?"
"What do you mean you can't decide, Illya?" Shirou asked, eyes furrowed.
"It is exactly as I said: I can't decide." She shrugged. "Shirou's rice bowl seemed like the improved form of the grilled salmon, rice, and miso soup meal he would occasionally prepare for us. I can confidently say that it was much more delicious than that, so he succeeded in improving his recipe."
Moving onto the crimson bowman, she gave him a beaming smile that made his breath hitched.
"Can I ask if this kind of recipe is your usual, Archer?"
"No... Homecooked meals are my specialty, though I've become an all-rounder at this point. I thought I'd try something new, but I did practice and perfect my recipe."
She giggled, leaning against her chair. "Well, I had a feeling. While it wasn't your usual expertise, I can tell you incorporated some high-level techniques into your dish, the burger especially."
Archer found himself chuckling as he crossed his arms. "I'm surprised you could tell."
"It's thanks to Sella's cooking." Illya simply said,
Everyone had one collective thought at that moment.
'I couldn't tell the difference!'
"Both of your dishes were delicious, and so I can't cast a vote for either of you! This cooking contest ends in a draw!"
Naturally, the fakers were not satisfied by that conclusion, but as the two shared a glance, they sighed. Who could argue with Illya's decision?
"Fine. It's a draw... this time, Shirou Emiya."
"I won't lose the next time we have a cooking contest, Archer."
Their glaring session ceased before they could even begin as Saber raised her hand.
"Can we have dessert?"