JUU-ICHI

If Itachi could summarize his life, he'd say he had a good one. Growing up with Sasuke in his role as Aniki was every bit as fulfilling as he knew it'd be. Every moment was precious. Every memory filed away in a library filled with millions of them.

Some parents couldn't wait till their kids became of age so they could kick them out of the house, but Itachi always secretly wished Sasuke would stay young and innocent and just as adorable as he was when he was a kid. Even though he wasn't his Otouto's parent, he took the role of one.

God, how he wished they could go back to those days. The days where his Otouto would stare at him with large, mesmerized eyes and follow him around, waiting to pounce and tackle him with bountiful hugs and kisses. The days when Sasuke would smile every time his gaze would meet Itachi's. It didn't matter if they were eating dinner, at the park, walking home from school; as long as they made eye contact, his adorable Otouto would flash him the widest, most contagious grin in the world.

There were also days when Sasuke threw fits because Itachi wasn't at his beck-and-call. Whether it was for an excursion, a late night study session at the library, or even school, if Itachi was absent and his Otouto demanded to hear his voice right that instant, not even a mountain could block the path to his destination.

Itachi wanted those days back.

He absolutely adored his Otouto, would treasure and love him no matter what, but this twitchy, reserved boy was not the same one he raised.

He wasn't stupid. He had eyes. Even though their relationship seemed to be on the mend, it was clear that Sasuke was keeping to himself.

Lately, Sasuke occupied his time in front of the television. If he wasn't watching a movie or show, he'd be writing in his notebook and studying.

He'd been mumbling nonsensical ramblings in his sleep recently, too, the latest of which were a string of broken apologies. Itachi wondered if this was the result of his own poor emotional self-regulation. He'd gone off the reservation so many times now that, of course, his precious Otouto was scared silly. Was this why Sasuke was apologizing to him in his sleep?

"Are you having a brain aneurysm?"

The chair next to his was pulled out and a flash of dirty blond hit Itachi's vision before Kyuubi occupied the spot. The man set a large cup of coffee in front of Itachi and set his own down. Itachi lifted it up with a nod as thanks.

"Why do people dream?" he asked listlessly, taking a sip.

"Shit if I know," Kyuubi drawled.

"Are dreams a manifestation of subconscious desires and needs?"

Itachi was being stared at oddly now.

"How'd you become Freud's bitch in the few minutes I was gone?" Kyuubi responded with incredulousness lacing his words.

Itachi's deadpanned expression drilled into the blonde's for no longer than five seconds before he looked away with a shrug.

"Pfft. So are we talking about you or Chibi-chan?"

"…."

"Oookay, so it's the mini. What'd you do now?"

"Nothing."

Kyuubi snorted and leaned back in his seat, arms folded behind his head. "Somehow I doubt that very much."

"… He's avoiding me."

Kyuubi's eyes rolled to the side to look at Itachi. "So? If my little brother was avoiding me, I'd be jumping for joy…. Okay, fine, fine. I get it. No one has a relationship like you and Chibi-chan. Put that glare away." The blonde sighed. "So what else is he doing? Because that can't possibly be it."

"He can't look me in my eyes."

"Isn't that easily explained? It's because your profile is just too… ahem, hand– ah, just too handsom–" Kyuubi broke off in guffaws, unable to hold in his laughter, and his palms slapped on the edge of the table numerous times. His voice had grown progressively strained with each word until he couldn't manage a straight face anymore. Tears were squeezed out from the corner of his eyes, and the only reason he stopped laugh-crying was due to Itachi's intense glare as he set his coffee cup down a little too loudly.

Kyuubi huffed his final bout of laughter and culminated with a sigh, hugging the back of his chair with his arms. "But real talk: you tend to go overboard with anything that involves him."

"…."

"I'm saying that's some serious complex you have."

"Sasuke deserves the best."

"Pfft. It's just like you to indirectly compliment yourself like that. And sure, you say that, but who determines what's best for him?"

I do.

Itachi stopped himself from uttering those two words, which jumped to the forefront of his brain even before Kyuubi finished asking his question.

"The best is a matter of opinion," he said, detaching his emotions from his statement.

"Uh huh. Well, maybe he's tired of what's 'best' for him. Or it could be that he's finally fed up with your overprotectiveness and he wants some space to do his own growing up."

"Hah?" Itachi could not control the incredulity in his voice as his expression grew dark and terrifying.

"Ugh, yuck," Kyuubi groaned, flinching back just a bit. "See?" he said, pointing accusingly at Itachi. "That. That's what I mean. Have you ever looked in the mirror? The expressions you make when it comes to him are literally giving me nasty goosebumps! No wonder Chibi can't look you in the eyes."

Without realizing it, Itachi touched his face and his scowl grew wider, enhancing the malefic look in his eyes. "What are you implying?"

"I'm not implying anything. I'm telling you you need to fix that nasty temper of yours, and maybe your Chibi-chan will look you in the eyes. Honestly, I don't want to look you in the eyes either. I don't need to add to my list of nightmares."

Itachi glared at his laptop and refused to say any more.

When he arrived home, it was barely eleven in the morning. He was greeted with dead silence and the glaring reality that he'd have to wait another four hours before he could pick up his Otouto. That immediately put Itachi in a bad mood, magnifying his anxiety with practiced ease.

He tossed his laptop bag on the sofa, glowering at anything within his line of sight. To quell his foul mood, he began doing chores around the house, hoping that keeping himself busy would help. Itachi began by wiping down all the counters and tables in the kitchen and living room. Then, he started on laundry, stopping by his room first to grab his hamper and entering Sasuke's after to grab the boy's. He found Sasuke's hamper at the back of his closet. It was filled halfway, so Itachi dumped the clothes into his hamper to complete a full load. He found himself thoroughly inspecting his Otouto's room for any leftover articles of clothing, succeeding in locating a T-shirt on his computer chair and a pair of shorts on his bed.

Itachi grabbed the shirt first and then bent over to pick up the pair of shorts. However, when he began straightening himself, his eyes zeroed in on something black and long tucked in the crevice between the bed frame and nightstand.

He set the hamper down and, with furrowed brows, he dipped a hand through the small space and fumbled a bit before his fingers grasped onto the object and he was face-to-face with it. A silky piece of black cloth hung from his fingers and when he recognized it, his head cocked slightly in confusion. It belonged to one of his silk robes, and it had gone missing a while back.

'Why is this here?' he thought, fingering the sash.

An answer formed in his mind easily. His Otouto was probably stealing his clothing to wear to bed again. Itachi tossed it with the rest of the laundry, chuckling quietly to himself as he shook his head.

The boy had always thought Itachi's wardrobe was equally extravagant as it was comfortable, so he would often pluck an item or two from Itachi's closet mischievously. Sometimes, things would return to him, and other times, they would become the permanent property of Sasuke Uchiha.

Itachi huffed a bout of laughter.

His adorable Otouto.

He tidied up a few things on Sasuke's nightstand and pulled open the first drawer in his nightstand to stash away a bottle of lotion and a portable phone charger, which were left out, but upon finding no space in the first drawer, Itachi closed it and opened the second.

He only had the intention of setting the items inside, but just as he was closing it, something shiny sticking out from underneath a book at the back of the drawer drew his attention. Gingerly, he reached out to touch it and as soon as he did, any decent mood he was in was wiped cleanly away.

From underneath the small pile of books and papers, he pulled out a shiny, square-packaged item adorned with zigzag edges and a few words. A circular shape protruded from its center, mocking Itachi as his fingers pressed fully against it as he lifted it up to his eyes.

It didn't require a blood pressure monitor to ascertain that he'd gone from normal to extreme in five seconds flat. Over the roaring blood in his veins and the sudden irreparable tightness in his chest, Itachi threw the package onto Sasuke's bed like he'd been burned and ransacked through the same drawer.

He threw out all of the books and papers in his way, making a mess on Sasuke's bedroom floor, as he rifled through his personal belongings like a madman. Contrary to what he wished not to find at the bottom of his Otouto's nightstand, when all the miscellaneous junk was tossed aside, his remaining sanity was met with reality.

A handful of additional shiny packages sat at the very bottom of the drawer, laughing mockingly in Itachi's face. He dropped back onto his shins, attempting to ascertain what emotion he was experiencing at first.

Was it disbelief? Horror? Nausea? Disgust? Fury?

No– not just those things. Something else lurked underneath that heavy layer of brain fog. Something he couldn't quite put into words.

Fury came in first place, overtaking his disbelief. Itachi dug his hand into the drawer and snatched up the packets, standing up rigidly as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. His hands shook viciously as he brought it up to eye level, and it was then, when his reflection stared back at him from the unlit screen, that Itachi saw his expression for the first time… and realized he didn't recognize his own countenance.

His teeth were bared down to a degree that they visibly showed through his lips, causing a severe ache to travel along his jawline. His cheeks had reddened from the rush of blood. His pupils had expanded so completely that they had melded with his irises, becoming distinct, blackened orbs. The worst of it was what became reflected in his eyes: barbaric as if someone had physically stripped him of his humanity.

As soon as his cloudy brain registered the expression, the phone fell from his hands and hit the floor with a thud. Itachi fell to his knees once more, allowing the contents in his hand to scatter around him, and dug his face into the nearby mattress.

Hands grasping onto the covers into a death grip, Itachi released a profound scream, one that was equally enraged and monstrous. As if his chest turned into a loud speaker, the sound bounced and echoed against it, vibrating outward like a ripple in water.

It was like that one scream unlocked something from within, and from there, Itachi began pounding on Sasuke's bed with white-knuckled fists.

"AGH, chikushou! Chikushou, chikushou, CHIKUSHOU!" he screeched against the softness of the boy's sheets.

He didn't know what to do with this fit of rage usurping his body and turning him into someone else. All Itachi wanted to do was dial Sasuke's number and demand an explanation. Better yet, he was ready to sign him out of school just so he could demand answers from him at home.

Suddenly, another thought struck him. Was this the face he showed Sasuke each time this topic came up? Had he appeared noxious, holding himself up to the same caliber as a threat?

Had he terrified his Otouto with this contortion of an expression?

That unidentified feeling from before resurfaced tenfold, instantly blinding Itachi, and commanded his silence. The word slowly molded into shape in his brain until it took form.

Desperation.

That was what he felt. It crept into his flesh, veins, organs, and bones, infusing with his body like a second set of skin. With it, he became a bit unhinged.

Itachi could not even bear the thought of losing his precious cherub, his beloved Otouto whom he had cultivated such a loving and adoring relationship with. He had built an empire of love around his Otouto ever since he was aware of his existence.

This brought him to another perverse thought: no one was allowed to love his Otouto in any way, shape, or form. Only Itachi had that right. Only Itachi knew how to love him. Only Itachi could cherish him the way he ought to be.

Everyone else was a potential danger to his Otouto. Just like the way that stranger engraved those horrible marks on Sasuke, showcasing such sick possession and fantasies. That man had devoured Sasuke in a way that could only be described as crazed and animalistic.

When Itachi had put ointment in for his Otouto for the first time, the severe redness and puffiness outside made it evident that he had some tearing inside. That had infuriated him when he was attempting to be as gentle as possible and not break his promise about staying calm rather than becoming angry, so much so that he had to lock away the absolute rage that came with it when he discovered his Otouto had suffered greatly.

Vaguely, Itachi had imagined the look on Sasuke's face when he was being eaten alive, and he had to immediately siphon off the thought lest he go berserk. His protective instincts had flared so much, urging him to do what was necessary to protect his little one.

Disguising such intense emotions would have taken a toll on him, but at the time, he focused on taking care of his Otouto to the fullest capacity possible.

The incidents had piled on top of one another, and each time, Itachi must have shown such an unsightly view to his Otouto.

His chest burned ferociously. Yet, in spite of revealing this shameful side of his to the one person he held dear, he refused to part with Sasuke.

Perhaps, the obsessive thoughts were too much or maybe it was the compelling desire to demand answers from the boy, but Itachi found himself sitting in his car outside of Sasuke's school hours before the dismissal bell.

His thoughts spanned across the spectrum. Sometimes, he found himself burning in rage as he recollected the flashback of what he found in Sasuke's room. Other times, he found himself incapable of thinking about anything, his mind an empty slate. Whatever the case, the one thing that did not change was that, each time he snapped out of his daze and caught a glimpse of his reflection on the pane or the rear view mirror, his mood alternated between disgust and shame. After all, this was the look he'd bestowed a number of times upon his Otouto, the boy he loved dearly.

After sitting in a pile of his own destructive emotions for three full hours, the school bell finally rang. As if sensing Sasuke's presence, Itachi picked his head up to eye the main gate, and sure enough, his Otouto came waltzing out a few seconds later.

The passenger side door opened. "Hi, Aniki!" his Otouto chirped, and his genuine cheerful tone and gentle eyes directed at Itachi succeeded in wiping his thoughts aside for a split second before they returned with fervor.

"Hey," he replied stiffly. He kept his gaze forward, unable to look at his Otouto.

Sasuke paused in buckling himself and stared at him for a few seconds as if he could read his mood simply from the way he responded. "Everything okay?"

Everything from the boy's eyes to his tone appeared wary, and Itachi knew he was to blame for such a reaction. After all, who could look into his distorted expression and not carry that image with them for the rest of their life? No wonder his Otouto tried his best to avoid making eye contact with him.

"What makes you ask that?"

"Just… you usually pat my head or hug me when you pick me up," Sasuke said.

"Later," Itachi muttered. "We need to talk, Sasuke. As soon as we get home."

Sasuke froze, looking apprehensive all of a sudden. Then, in a quiet voice, he asked, "What do you need to talk to me about?"

"Your personal belongings."

"My… personal belongings?" Sasuke repeated, words nearly inaudible this time.

Itachi didn't know what expression adorned the boy's nor was he itching to find out. He opted not to respond and sported tunnel vision the entire car ride back.

Five minutes later, he pulled up into the driveway, turned off the engine, and stepped into the house with his Otouto trailing behind him.

H.J.

His Aniki entered the house first, but held the door open for Sasuke to enter. Having sensed Itachi's mood, he had trailed about ten steps behind his Aniki, giving the man his space. Sasuke scrambled past the archway and began removing his shoes, shoulders physically jumping when the door closed a little too loudly behind him and the lock was turned into place.

Gingerly, he set his backpack down next to the couch in the living room and turned in Itachi's direction. His Aniki remained unmoving by the foyer, downcast eyes covered by his bangs.

Sasuke's palms began to feel clammy.

Personal belongings. That's what his Aniki wanted to talk to him about.

He had frantically racked his brain on the short ride from school, attempting to decipher what his Aniki was referring to, but the odd atmospheres had made him jumpy and therefore affected his ability to think clearly.

Hence, Sasuke had no clue what he meant.

"Um… Aniki?" Sasuke began when it was clear that Itachi wouldn't break the silence.

"Why don't you go to your room, Sasuke?" his Aniki said offhandedly.

That made Sasuke break out into a cold sweat. He could ascertain that, despite it being worded as a suggestion, it was anything but. That cold, detached tone exuded an unspoken form of pressure that made anyone comply without the ability to rebut.

"O-Okay," he said, beginning to walk down the hallway.

As expected, his Aniki followed a few arm spans behind him.

As he approached his bedroom, Sasuke noticed that his door was completely open. His footsteps paused in the middle of the hall as if he was slowed down by some kind of invisible force before he commanded his feet to move again.

That was definitely not how he left it. He hated bugs flying into the house and getting into his bedroom, so he always closed the door behind him each time he left. So when his Aniki said personal belongings, it had something to do with something in his room?

He chanced a peek over his shoulder and, sure enough, his Aniki was still following behind him. Sasuke found himself trembling underneath his skin as his thoughts ran amok. But what kind of thing could possibly make his Aniki react so out of character?

All he had in his room were clothes, electronics, and his books– WAIT.

This time, his feet stopped completely. With his room two steps from complete view, Sasuke's entire body froze as if he had magically been turned into a statue. Once he did, it was as if he was doused in gasoline and lit on fire. Every neuron in his brain fired at once and all the dots connected.

Sasuke's breath hitched, and he was sure his Aniki heard it, too.

He frantically turned a complete 180 on his feet, eyes suddenly blown wide and chest so tight that it felt like his lungs were being crushed.

"WAIT!" he yelled, chest heaving. "It's not what you think, Aniki!"

Perhaps, he had spaced out and misjudged his distance from his Aniki, because when he had turned, Itachi was standing only three feet away from him.

The man's head tilted robotically, eyes still shielded by his hair. "Oh? You can tell what I'm thinking, Sasuke?" Itachi responded, voice borderline antagonistic. "You haven't even looked inside your room yet."

"I– No, I didn't– I don't–!"

"Why don't you step inside your room?"

The soft tone was misleading. It was like the calm before the storm. Despite the words sounding like Sasuke was offered a choice, the aura that surrounded his Aniki connoted something else entirely. In fact, the scarily gentle tone ignited Sasuke's fight or flight response, but all he could do was shudder and comply.

Against his better judgment, Sasuke stopped under the archway of his room… and his eyes landed on complete disorder. The first thing that drew his gaze was the mess on his floor. Books and papers were strewn all over the floor, scattered in every direction. The next thing he noticed was that it looked like someone had ransacked through his walk-in closet. His clothes were in piles on the carpet, some in piles and some still on their hangers as if someone had tossed them all aside to search for something. Even the ones folded, which sat on a shelf atop the rack, were a mess on the closet floor. As Sasuke's gaze roved over every open drawer in his room, his desk, his night stand, his clothes drawers and even his medicine drawer, he found his eyes filling with unshed tears.

A whimper hung from his thinned lips as he attempted to stop himself from crying on the spot. "W-What in t-the…." Sasuke's words were cut off by his choked sob.

In the midst of the chaos in his room, which looked like a tornado had hit it, Sasuke's eyes finally found their way to the center of his bed, where a pile of foiled packets sat innocently, mocking him. When he caught sight of them, his expression turned aghast and he began to back away from the scene.

Thud.

He bumped into something hard behind him and Sasuke found himself at the mercy of Itachi's hardened stare.

"Didn't you say you knew my thoughts, Sasuke? Why don't you enlighten me then? I'm listening."

Sasuke flinched at the man's tone and stumbled back a bit, unaware that his entire body was trembling until he caught a brief glimpse of himself in the full-length mirror in the corner of his room. He looked like he'd seen a ghost.

"Y-You're w-wrong, Aniki! I-I didn't do a-anything. Those were– Those were from the s-sex education classes the school h-had been f-forcing us to take!"

"Tsk. Still telling lies to my face, I see."

Itachi's footsteps were approaching him, but each time he took one step forward, Sasuke took one step back.

"A-Aniki…," Sasuke pleaded, his back hitting a nearby wall. His body shrunk into itself immediately as a set of hands pressed against either side of his head, caging him against the wall.

"Since you don't know, I'll give you a detailed account of what I'm thinking, Sasuke. So listen carefully," Itachi whispered, finally lifting his eyes to stare at him. It felt like those eyes were electrocuting him, but Sasuke couldn't look away as if compelled to hold his Aniki's gaze.

"For starters, I thought, 'My eyes are deceiving me. Why would my Otouto own not one, but a pile of condoms?' Then, upon closer inspection, I thought, 'There are four different kinds of condoms I know of: lamb skin, latex, polyurethane, and polyisoprene, but my Otouto only owns latex and polyurethane condoms.' My gears started turning, you see. I thought, 'Did he choose Durex XXL because the brand prides itself in maximizing sensations? Did he also choose Trojan Supra because polyurethane is thinner by design and transmits body heat more effectively?'" Itachi released a dry, humorless chuckle.

"From there, I spiraled a little bit. You'll have to be a little understanding, because this is all new to me. I began thinking, 'How many more is he hiding? Where is he hiding them?' So you see, I did a little scavenger hunt in your room, Sasuke. When I couldn't find any more, I had another moment to think. I thought, 'Did he become a closeted sex addict without my knowledge?' I scratched that thought immediately, because it was downright mad. And so my next thought was, 'Someone must have pressured him into it.' Or wait, here's the real kicker. I thought, 'Did I not love him well enough? Had I neglected my duties?' You could imagine my utter dismay, Sasuke."

Itachi's smile did not reach his eyes.

The distorted look on his face made Sasuke look away in a river of tears. "'n-niki… p-please… s-stop…."

The heaviness of Itachi's palms suddenly fell onto Sasuke's shoulders, urging him to look back at the man.

"Ne, tell me his name, Sasuke. I really need to kill him," Itachi spoke, devoid of any sliver of warmth. His eyes were dead as if a light had been snuffed out. "I won't be able to sleep until I take out the trash."

Sasuke's eyes had filled with so many tears that it distorted his vision, making him unable to fully comprehend Itachi's expression. For that, he was grateful as he broke out into uncontrollable sobs, terror and pain tearing through his chest.

This was not the Aniki he knew. He didn't recognize this heartless, impassive man standing before him sporting his Aniki's countenance.

Itachi's head tilted, responding little to his distress. "Tell me his name, okay?" he repeated. "Tell me it now."

"… T-There's no-o one, A-Aniki," Sasuke whimpered. "I- I haven't–"

"Did you think I didn't notice the discrepancies in quantity? My thoughts went there, too. I thought, 'Durex XXL is sold in this area in packs of twelve. But there are clearly thirteen condoms that are solely that brand on the bed. Which begs the question: what happened to the other eleven?' Even if I didn't notice that, my next thought would be, 'Why does he even own condoms, if not to use them?' See, these are the thoughts that keep me up at night, Sasuke."

"W-Why are y-you b-being l-like th-this?" Sasuke cried, legs crumbling beneath him. His back slid against the wall until his bottom hit the floor. "W-What do-do you w-want from m-me?"

Itachi remained standing and, upon Sasuke's spouted words, he disappeared from the room. Upon his leaving, Sasuke sobbed even harder into his drawn up knees, tucking his body as close to the wall as possible.

He didn't know what was worse: being the recipient of the dead look in his Aniki's eyes or his Aniki leaving him when he was in tears.

Did he officially ruin their relationship due to his greediness? Was this the ultimate definition of "reap what you sow"?

Sasuke's sobs reverberated in the room and expanded into the hallway.

It was him. He had single-handedly ruined his relationship with his Aniki, the one and only man he loved more than his own sanity.

A minute later, when Sasuke had dug himself into a deeper pit, his Aniki's footsteps approached again and a quiet thud echoed in his ears.

A pair of black scissors laid flat in front of him.

Sasuke had been too relieved that Itachi had returned that he didn't even wonder why scissors were being tossed at his feet.

"Cut them up. Cut all of them up. That's what I want," his Aniki said coldly.

Sasuke obliged without a second thought.