Thank you so much the comments on the last chapter! I was going to write a second part to "The Nightmare" but decided that I wanted to explore the Bucci storyline in a longer, more in-depth fic. I have some ideas jotted down and I'm hoping I can get started on it soon.
This chapter takes place in season 17, but Noah doesn't exist, Amanda isn't pregnant, and Olivia is not dating Tucker. Liv and Amanda are kind of toeing the line between not getting along and becoming friends, with the undercurrent of something more beneath the surface.
Also, this chapter is over 4,000 words so I guess it doesn't really count as a snippet, but I still wanted to include it in this series, lol.
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Title: The Massage
Genre: Hurt/comfort/romance
Rating: M
Season: 17
Episode: N/A
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Olivia straightens up in her desk chair with a sigh, reaching her arms above her head and yawning, trying to stretch out the aching muscle in her back. It's late Friday evening and her team had left the precinct a couple of hours ago, eager to get the weekend started.
She intends on leaving soon as well, although she has to admit how much she is enjoying the peace and quiet as she ties up a few loose ends with their cases, choosing to stay behind for a little while. The hustle and bustle of the squad room has progressively lessened as the hours have passed, and Olivia can't help wishing that it was this tranquil more often.
It's definitely something she could get used to, chuckling to herself at the reality of her advancing age and her readiness for a more serene existence. But despite this much-needed break from the usual chaos, Olivia recognizes how lost she would be without this job; that SVU is her life and she wouldn't know what to do with herself without it.
A wave of sadness accompanies her introspection, acknowledging that her life is certainly lacking that well-roundedness she should be striving for, frequently overcome with an emptiness she can't fill. Without kids or a relationship to provide her with an escape from the daily grind, and not having enough energy to pursue any hobbies, her work is really all she has. Olivia is not even sure who she is anymore outside of SVU; so entrenched in her cop persona that if she suddenly won the lottery and was able to retire, she wouldn't have the faintest idea how to spend her free time or what she would even be interested in doing.
Completely immersed in the dark and depressing turn her thoughts have taken, Olivia practically falls off her chair when there is an abrupt knock on her office door, the intrusive noise breaking the calm silence. She doesn't have time to call out an answer before the door is opening and Amanda is poking her head into the room, long hair swinging in a golden curtain over one shoulder as a smile stretches across her face.
"Hey, Liv. How's it going?"
"Won't you come in?" Olivia replies dryly, noting how much more energetic her detective looks when compared to herself, those big blue eyes still appearing bright with stamina even after all the hours they have put in today.
"Oops, sorry about that." The smile slips momentarily as Amanda has the decency to look slightly sheepish. "I guess I should have waited for you to answer before barging in."
"Yeah, I guess," Olivia responds with a roll of her eyes, but a smile is tugging on her own lips now, too exhausted to muster up anything more than mild annoyance at her subordinate's usual antics. "What are you still doing here, Rollins? I thought you left at the same time as the guys did."
Her office blinds have been closed for the majority of the evening, cocooning her in the cozy room and giving the illusion that she has been the only occupant of the building for the past while, somewhat disappointed that the fantasy has been shattered.
"Well, I'm not leaving until my boss does," the blonde detective says firmly as she slips fully into the room, closing the door behind her. "If you're still working, then so am I. Solidarity, right?"
"Right." Olivia's voice is wry, her eyes narrowing as she takes in the angelic expression on Amanda's features. "Are you sure you're not still here to make up for the fact that you were late again this morning?"
This time the smile falters even further before morphing into a frown, Amanda biting her lower lip and scuffing one foot across the floor. "I was only a few minutes late."
"Ten," Olivia corrects sharply, arching an eyebrow. "Ten is several minutes, not a few."
"Okay," Amanda sighs dramatically throwing her arms into the air. "You got me. I was trying to make up for the missing time, which I think I've more than accomplished at this point. But I was also worried about you, Liv. You've seemed really tired and out of sorts today, like you're in pain, and I wanted to make sure you were okay."
"Oh, I'm fine," Olivia assures her with a wave of her hand, her heart melting a little at Amanda's concern. "My back is just sore from spending so much time in this chair today. And I pulled some muscles when we were out in the field last week. They seem to be taking their sweet time healing."
She shifts awkwardly in her seat, stifling a wince as she is gripped by a fleeting but intense muscle spasm. "I can't get comfortable, no matter how I position my body."
For some reason, her comment causes a dull blush to rise on her cheeks, Olivia frowning in chagrin and the blush deepening when she catches sight of the smirk on Amanda's face. The displeasure turns to surprise when the younger woman strides purposefully toward her and extends an arm, holding out her palm.
Olivia stares dumbly at the delicate but strong hand hovering in front of her, until she hears a huff of impatience and feels the hand grasping gently onto the own.
"C'mon, Liv, you just need to get up and move around for a bit," Amanda explains briskly as Olivia lets herself be tugged to her feet.
She lets out an unintended groan as she unfolds her body to its full height, the vertical stance at once making her feel both better and worse, the pain ricocheting around her back like a boomerang. Olivia is disconcertingly aware of the blush she is still sporting when she feels a tender hand resting on her shoulder before sliding down to her back, Amanda rubbing soft circles for a moment before seeming to think better of it and pulling away.
"Sorry, Liv, I have a habit of forgetting to ask permission for things first," she confesses, sounding genuinely apologetic. "I should have asked before touching you."
"Yes, I'm well aware of your practice of asking forgiveness instead of permission, Rollins," Olivia chortles with another roll of her eyes. "And I'm not sure if forgetting is the right word here. But in this case, it's okay. I don't mind." And she is telling the truth, wishing for Amanda's comforting touch once again but afraid to put a voice to her desire.
"Well, that's good," Amanda says brightly, Olivia instantly suspicious at something vague in her tone that she can't quite put a finger on. "Because I was just about to make a suggestion, but I wasn't sure how well it was going to be received."
"What is it?" She can't help the trepidation in her own tone, wary of anything that Amanda is actually nervous about bringing up, since stating her ideas and opinions with confidence is her usual way of going about things.
"Well, a little while ago, I started taking this massage course on the weekends..."
Olivia's brow quirks in curiosity at this unexpected announcement, and she can't help noticing that Amanda is studiously avoiding her gaze now. "So you're going to fall back on your new career as a masseuse when you get fired from SVU for insubordination?"
She is only half-joking, quite certain this conversation is about to take a turn into an overtly inappropriate subject, uncomfortable with the hint of lust that is suddenly simmering beneath her stern demeanor.
"You're hilarious, Liv," Amanda responds with a cheeky grin, but there is a noticeable tinge of worry underneath the cocky attitude. "You wouldn't dare fire your favorite detective, would you?"
"No, I would never even think of firing Carisi," Olivia replies lightly, stifling a snicker at the wounded expression on Amanda's face.
"The new guy?" the younger woman pouts, crossing her arms over chest. "He's your favorite?"
"He's been here for a year, Rollins," Olivia laughs with a shake of her head. "And don't worry, I was just being silly. I love everyone in my squad equally."
Silence descends on the room at what had been meant as a lighthearted comment, Olivia intending on likening it to a mother unable to choose a favorite among her children, before reminding herself that what she feels for Amanda is anything but maternal. She clears her throat roughly and gestures for the detective to continue with what she was saying, Amanda's head cocked to the side and her expression unreadable now.
"I wasn't taking this course as a fallback option," she clarifies in what sounds like both amusement and uneasiness, the latter seeming to take precedence with what she says next. "I was actually taking it as a way to keep my hands busy."
"What do you mean?" Olivia asks in concern, frowning at what looks to be a flush of shame on Amanda's cheeks. This time she is the one reaching out and grasping the other woman's hand to impart a squeeze of comfort, the gesture a gentle prompt to keep speaking.
"I've found that it's better to keep my hands moving when I feel that urge..." Amanda trails off and blows out a breath, her eyes closing for a moment as she appears to be gearing up for some kind of confession. "When I get that urge to gamble. If I'm doing something else with my hands, I'm not thinking about holding those cards or those poker chips. Or even a glass of vodka or bottle of beer, the drinking only facilitating more gambling."
"Oh, I'm so sorry, honey," Olivia says in hushed dismay, the term of endearment slipping out before she can give it much thought. "I didn't know things were getting bad for you again. Are you still going to Gamblers Anonymous?"
"Yes, I am," Amanda assures her firmly, meeting her gaze directly now. "And it's still helping, but just not enough sometimes. I needed a little something more, to make sure I wasn't heading toward a relapse. So I started taking these classes."
"And they're helping?"
"Quite a bit," Amanda enthuses with a smile and Olivia can't helping smiling back, the dread that has been creeping in replaced with relief.
"Good, I'm glad to hear that," she answers softly, her tone genuine as she puts an arm around Amanda's shoulders to give her a quick side hug. "And I'm so proud of you, Amanda. You took the initiative to help yourself before you got into trouble. That shows such a huge amount of growth and good character."
"Thank you, Liv," Amanda whispers as she ducks her head, appearing uncharacteristically bashful as her blush darkens. "I appreciate you saying that. But I didn't mean to go off a tangent with my own problems. And I'm doing fine now, honestly. Better than ever, in fact. I just brought it up because I was wondering if I could help you. I don't really have anyone to try out my newfound skills on."
"So you thought you would try them out on your boss?" Both of Olivia's eyebrows are raised now, a warning note in her voice even though she is seriously considering it.
The muscles in her back are tightening and becoming more painful with every passing moment, the over-the-counter painkillers she had popped earlier in the day doing nothing to ease her discomfort. She is torn between bursting into laughter at the stricken look on Amanda's face, and reprimanding her for suggesting such an unsuitable activity, especially in their place of work.
"I thought I would try out my skills on my friend," Amanda rectifies quietly, blinking up at her with those large blue eyes framed by long lashes, exuding innocence and compassion.
Olivia has to bite back a grin at the hopeful countenance of her detective, so desperate for some pain relief that she is very close to caving in. "Is that what we are now? Friends?"
"I'd like to think so, Liv. We've come a long way in the past several years, haven't we?"
"I guess we have," Olivia agrees grudgingly, trying to ignore the fact that she doesn't feel particularly friendly when it comes to the beautiful blonde standing in front of her; that friend isn't even close to the word she would choose. "But we still have a ways to go, don't we? There's always room for improvement."
"Then let me start right now," Amanda exclaims heartily, holding up her hands and wriggling her fingers.
"Uhhh." Olivia's mouth has gone dry and she swallows hard against the lump that is rising in her throat, trying not to picture those fingers in certain places. "That's not quite what I meant, Rollins. Improving your behavior and our working relationship doesn't depend on you assisting me in a, uh, physical way. I didn't mean to imply that. Please don't get the wrong idea."
"Oh, geez, will you relax and loosen up a bit, Liv?" Amanda rolls her eyes and heaves a beleaguered sigh. "It's not like I was offering to assist you in another type of physical way." She wiggles her eyebrows up and down in a teasing motion, Olivia clapping a hand to her forehead and squeezing her eyes shut. "It's strictly platonic, I promise. I just want to try to end my friend's pain. And it's okay because we're all alone here now."
"That doesn't make it any better," Olivia mutters through gritted teeth, a warmth taking up residence between her thighs as her imagination starts drifting into a distinctly X-rated territory.
"Ugh, and you're telling me not to get the wrong idea?" Amanda sniffs in irritation, planting her hands on her hips. "I just meant that it'll be easier for you to wind down and get comfortable without so many people around. But I can see how this discussion could come across as some kind of proposition, so I'll drop it, okay? I didn't mean to take things too far and overstep my boundaries. I'm sorry."
"No, wait." Olivia reaches out to grab Amanda's arm as she turns away and begins walking toward the door, halting the detective in her tracks. "You didn't overstep your bounds. And I appreciate the offer. I am in a lot of pain and I suppose it wouldn't hurt for you to try out your new skills for a few minutes."
"Are you sure?" Amanda is looking at her intently now, her tone serious, a shiver running the length of Olivia's spine as their eyes meet and their gazes hold. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Liv. That's the opposite of what I want. I just want you to feel better."
"Yes, I'm sure," Olivia answers softly, squeezing Amanda's hand and smiling when she feels a squeeze in return.
"Okay, great!" The other woman beams at her with a grin as bright as the sun, Olivia's heart aching for a reason she can't quite define as they head over to the couch together. "So how do you want to do this? You can sit on the floor in front of me so I can massage your shoulders. Or you can lay down on the couch so I can massage your back."
"Well, it's my back that hurts the most..." Olivia eyes the piece of furniture critically, acknowledging that it might not be the best idea to stretch out along those inviting cushions while her subordinate rubs her aching muscles, but the clock on the wall is swiftly ticking toward midnight and her exhaustion and pain have taken the reins in the late hour.
She slowly lowers herself onto the couch and gets into place on her stomach before she can overthink these circumstances any more than already has, letting out a sigh when she is situated in a horizontal position. Olivia turns her head into the cushion, aware of Amanda crouching down beside her on the floor and balancing on her knees, goosebumps rising on her skin when she feels a small pair of hands come to rest in the middle of her back.
"Are you ready, Liv?"
"Mmm hmm," she mumbles in a muffled tone, hoping Amanda won't be able to feel how quickly her heart is racing, or at least won't mention it if she does.
The relief is immediate when the younger woman's hands begin moving languidly across her back, nimble fingers working diligently into sore muscles, Olivia stifling a moan of appreciation. It doesn't take long before pleasant tingles are residing in every nook and cranny of her worn out body, and she is quite impressed with Amanda's recently discovered ability.
"Damn, Liv, you're so tense. No wonder you're in pain," Amanda remarks in concern, Olivia wincing slightly when she hits a particularly tender spot. "Sorry, did I hurt you?"
"No, it feels good." Her tone is more breathy than she had meant it to be, thankful her face is pressed into the cushion so Amanda can't see how red her cheeks have become again. "And yes, the tension kind of comes with the territory in this line of work."
"Yeah, you're telling me," Amanda snorts in reply. "Never a dull a moment, huh?"
"Never," Olivia agrees readily, unable to hold in a groan of gratitude as Amanda's hands work their way down her back, noticing when the movement stills for a few seconds before picking up the pace once more. "You know, I can't remember the last time I had a massage."
"You really should get them on a regular basis, Liv. I think you would feel so much better in general and it would help you stay relaxed. You'd have more energy to keep being the badass boss that you are."
"You think I'm a badass?" Olivia chuckles in amusement as she turns her head to glance at Amanda, her heart fluttering at the look of pure concentration on her face, those blonde brows furrowed adorably and a pink tongue poking out of one side of her mouth.
"The baddest," Amanda affirms with a grin, her eyes twinkling as their gazes lock and hold for a beat longer than necessary.
"Thanks for letting me do this for you." The detective's voice is quieter now, Olivia's heart rate ramping up yet again as those magic fingers leave her back to feather tenderly through her hair, tucking a few strands behind her ear. "Isn't it nice letting someone take care of you once in awhile?"
"It is," she murmurs in assent, her breath catching in her throat when Amanda's hand glides slowly down the bare skin of her neck, her fingertips just breaching the collar of her shirt.
"Sorry about that," she says softly, Olivia feeling surprisingly crushed when Amanda instantly removes her hand.
"It's okay," she replies before she can change her mind, craving more of Amanda's touch but this time on her skin instead of her clothing. "It felt good."
There is silence for a moment, the atmosphere in the room feeling new and exciting and even a little dangerous now, Olivia's tiredness disappearing entirely as anticipation takes its place. They share a nervous smile, Olivia thrilled when Amanda returns her hand to her back and drums her fingernails lightly on the fabric of her blouse.
"You know, a massage works better when the masseuse has access to bare skin." It's as if Amanda is reading her mind when she speaks, but the other woman is immediately scrambling to clarify herself. "Not that I'm asking you to take your clothes off, Liv. I would never do that. But I just wanted to know..."
Olivia can feel a slender finger tracing along the hem of her shirt and she nods eagerly, responding with a "yes" that she hopes doesn't come off as outwardly enthusiastic as she feels on the inside. She waits with bated breath through another beat of silence before a smooth hand is sliding beneath her blouse and resting on the heated skin of her back.
Olivia bites her lip to keep from releasing a moan at this simple touch, unable to remember the last time she has experienced physical contact like this; the kind that sets her soul on fire and leaves her desperate for more. She has longed for Amanda's touch for a lengthy period of time now, her attraction constantly simmering just beneath the surface of her irritation, and the younger woman seems to be aware of this as she holds her palm in place while her fingers move in tiny circles.
Her hand begins to shift, gliding languidly up and down Olivia's back, from the top of her dress pants to the base of her bra, not quite making contact with the intimate garment. Olivia realizes that she is not so much massaging now as just rubbing her back in a comforting motion that is verging on sensual, overcome with the urge to ask Amanda to lift up her shirt and undo her bra.
The images are running uninhibited through her mind now, picturing herself rolling over on the couch and Amanda sliding her hands up to cup her breasts, thumbs lightly circling her erect nipples. One of those hands travels slowly over the quivering plans of her stomach, fingers deftly undoing the zipper of her dress pants and slipping inside to caress her through the thin material of her underwear.
Olivia can feel the moisture gathering at the juncture of her thighs as her erotic fantasy continues, Amanda's hand toying with the waistband of her underwear before tucking a finger beneath and reaching down to find the hard knot of her clit. The finger rubs her slippery pink bud firmly and repeatedly as Olivia writhes with delight on the couch, the pleasure building swiftly and surely until she is on the verge of an explosion.
"What're you thinking about, Liv?"
Olivia is startled out of her daydream, gasping at the sudden sound of the other woman's voice as her lust-fueled illusion is instantly replaced with guilt, pulling away from Amanda's touch like she has been burned. She listens to the sharp intake of breath in response to her abrupt actions as she struggles to sit up on the cushions, straightening her shirt and smoothing out any wrinkles that have appeared during the massage.
"Are you okay?" Amanda is staring at her with wide blue eyes, an expression of concern on her delicate features, along with the barest hint of a knowing smirk. "Did I hurt you?"
"Um, no. Quite the opposite," Olivia chokes out, running a hand through her mussed hair and pretending to fix the collar of her blouse. "Sorry about that, Amanda."
"Don't apologize." The twinkle has returned to those ocean orbs that Olivia is afraid she will drown in if she gazes at them for much longer. "I'm glad you were enjoying yourself. You don't have to feel bad for indulging in a little pleasure, Liv. You deserve to feel good."
Olivia bites the inside of her cheek as that hot blush makes a reappearance, her entire face heating up with the force of her embarrassment and desire, unsure of how to respond. Part of her wants to leap up from the couch and race from the office, never to speak of this again as she resumes normal life and acts like nothing out of the ordinary has occurred. But there is another part that longs for so much more, a chance for a deeper connection both physically and emotionally with Amanda, her feelings deepening with every passing day since the younger woman had joined their unit.
"We can continue this massage elsewhere, if you want," Amanda suggests hopefully and Olivia is determined not to overthink the situation this time, sick of being alone and denying herself what she truly wants, her heart pounding in anticipation when she replies.
"Your place or mine?"