When Emalyn woke up in the morning going through the routine, she had established with Kalon she almost forgot about what happened yesterday but seeing the truck and motorcycle woke her up. Finding Daryl and Merle had been a surprise because at first, she hadn't recognized them. Well… it was more that she was put off by how much younger they had looked then when she had watched the show. Which made sense since it was a show and not reality even if it was closely mirroring this reality there were bound to be differences.
She had loved Norman Reedus since the first time she had seen Boondock Saints in the nineties and seeing Daryl looking as young as that had been a surprise. The fact that Merle looked maybe forty was also off putting (Emalyn remembered him looking this young in that movie Cliffhanger or at least the actor who played him on the show) but not as much as Daryl looking so young. It made her think about the little she knew of the comics. In the comics Carol had been younger and crazy. However, the Dixons were pure show characters, so this wasn't the comic world. This whole thing would have made her uneasy if she was going to follow the story line she knew but Emalyn had never intended to do that.
After all that way led somewhere Emalyn didn't want to go and there was no guarantee that she would survive that anyway. Emalyn waved to Michonne on watch as she set up her maps on the picnic table. Beverly came out a few minutes later with the latest inventory and handed it to her along with a water bottle. Kalon was nursing away on his bottle on her chest and Beverly smiled at him patting his butt before going to switch out with Michonne.
"What's the plan for today?" Michonne asked, taking a sip from the water bottle Emalyn offered.
"Well, I wanna calculate what our stock of food looks like now that we have two more mouths to feed. Then I wanna plan our next raids carefully, it's getting crazier by the day, and I don't want us out anymore in a few days. Michonne…how much do you remember of that dream? How far did you see?" Emalyn asked gently.
Michonne shifted uncomfortably, by now she knew that Emalyn had accidentally given her a glimpse of the future thanks to Hannibal and it was both better/worse knowing her dreams were what could have been. It helped her with the guilt of leaving Terry, but it also made her so scared about leaving Andre alone for even a minute. The pain of losing him had been so deep and haunting she still had nightmares about it. "As far as I can figure I got a loose timeline of things for about the next three months, but I don't know how helpful it is going to be considering I was in a completely different place then."
"That's fine…do you remember the exact day they will bomb Atlanta? I've been counting the days and its September 4th today…and I'm pretty sure they do it on the 9th so I figure as long as we make sure to be here we'll be okay. So, we have four days to try for some of the places in the city before we run the risk of it being gone in the chaos that is coming." Emalyn said as she went over the list of places in Atlanta that she had in her binder.
Michonne was pale, "I hadn't even considered…should we warn people? Put up signs on the road or something? So many people are heading for that military safe zone…" she looked like she was going to be sick.
"That's the problem, isn't it? If we try to warn them, they won't believe us because the idea of safety that the military is offering is too tempting. All we could get from trying is people angry at us for 'trying to incite fear' and people lash out when they are fearful. I mean…if you hadn't seen it for yourself would you have left with me if I had tried to warn you about Terry and what would happen to Andre?"
Michonne looked shaken and took a seat at the picnic table, "No…probably would have punched you for your trouble."
"Exactly, we can only save who we can save…like the way I saved Duncan. Hannibal and Beverly saved Jamie and Liam. We can't put the responsibility of saving the world on ourselves, we don't have the manpower, the resources or the credibility to make a huge impact right now. We save who we can, and we can't brood on the rest." Emalyn said, putting a hand on Michonne's shoulder.
Michonne reached up and held her hand with her own nodding sadly. "You're right, we aren't God and even if we put up signs there is a danger to that as well with it being Martial Law. I can't risk Andre by being shot or arrested. Our family must come first."
"What's all this then," Daryl said coming up to them from the trees with three dead squirrels on his belt.
"This is our planning station, once the rest are up I'll make us some breakfast and we'll discuss various were we can get supplies and where/when/why we should hit." Emalyn said before nodding at the squirrels. "You sharing that?"
"Why the hell else would I bring them back here?" Daryl bit back.
"Awesome, if you can strip them down to the meat? I can make some scrambled eggs to go with it, unfortunately I am not familiar with how to dress an animal…would you teach me next time?" Emalyn asked brushing off Daryl's rough behavior. Emalyn knew from experience that Daryl must have been very unsocialized in general and like an abused animal often lashed out at people. It wasn't his fault and Emalyn was taking a page out of Brianna's book on it. Killing him with kindness, love and care. That's how Brianna had changed her…and it had changed her life so drastically. It felt right to continue on like that to honor her that way.
"Fine, but you listen to what I say when I say it. These are too small anyway…a rabbit's better to learn on." Daryl said as he walked off to deal with the squirrels all bristle and no bite.
"I don't know how you do that, but it's impressive," Michonne said with a small smirk on her face.
"Do what?" Emalyn asked, confused.
"Make him putty in your hands like that…you did it with Hannibal too," she giggled, "me…I'd have hit him by now."
Emalyn shifted her feet, uneasy, "I'm not trying to do anything. He just seems like he needs someone being nice to him."
"Oh…I'm sure you'll be real nice to him." Michonne's smile was like a cheshire cat and Emalyn somehow kept the blush from her face.
"Shush you," Emalyn said squeezing Michonne's shoulders before heading back in to wake up the kiddos and change Kalon's diaper.
~~~Daryl~~~~
Daryl tried to not stare at her while he taught her how to skin the rabbit, but it was hard not to stare at her since everything about Emalyn confused him. Even teaching Jamie and Liam while he was directing her wasn't enough to keep his eyes from wandering back to her. Jamie and Liam were very careful and this wasn't their first time skinning a rabbit so Daryl hadn't needed to hover over them anyways. Besides Hannibal and Will were there too. Not that Will could do much of anything besides listlessly stare but apparently the sun was good for him so there he was sitting next to Hannibal drugged out of his mind.
Not that Daryl blamed the man since his brain had basically been on fire and he was far from better yet. Which brought his gaze back to Emalyn who was concentrating on getting the skin off the rabbit as intact as she could since she wanted to collect the fur for making shit with it. The woman was the oddest person Daryl had ever met, nothing seemed to bother her, and she had the patience of a Saint. She never took offense to anything he or Merle said and that was something neither of them had ever experienced.
Daryl knew he had a short fuse on his own temper, but Emalyn's fuse seemed like it was miles long. Merle had commented that he was almost scared to see her angry because she was cold as ice when making decisions.
Practical.
Daryl had been surprised Merle had said he was scared of that at all and when Daryl had questioned him on it later when they were alone Merle had said.
"Baby brother…ya ever hear of that saying 'Demons run when a good man goes to war?' Well, a smart man runs when a patient good natured woman gets angry…and for the same damn reason. Ya push someone enough to go against their nature and ya best believe the consequences will be more than ya can handle."
In the time they had been with this group Daryl had spent most of his time trying to get a handle on everyone in it. Most were pretty easy to figure out but Hannibal and Emalyn…they were mysterious in their own ways. Will was too sick and out of it to get a good read on either. Hannibal was only obvious in his obsession with Will and that had been surprising to Daryl since the way he hovered around Emalyn he had thought maybe they had something going.
Emalyn was…hard to describe… the way she thought about things was weird. Because while they were obvious once someone pointed it out to you, they weren't the first things most people thought about. Like her little pet project with the walkers, she set them up in the woods one she had stuck in a tub of water, one she just had tied to a tree to keep it from wandering off and one she had tied to a different tree which she brought the kids out to expose them to it so that they didn't freeze if they were around them (or fucking scream).
She made sure the kids knew that while this one was neutered, they were never to think of the walkers as anything besides dangerous and a threat. She also had the kids practice climbing trees once a day and tying knots to practice securing themselves to the trunk of a tree if needed. The thought being that if they were ever separated that the kids' best shot was to get out of grab distance and someplace where they could have a vantage point to look for help. She had Beverly and Duncan setting up a radio system on the roof of the bus so they could communicate while on runs with camp in the event of emergencies.
The things she considered were just really smart things, like the decomp thing and the kids. Emalyn wasn't just smart though…she was kind, she always was checking in on everyone and making sure everyone had enough to eat. Daryl hadn't been this well fed and groomed in his entire life. Hell, true to her word she had set Daryl and Merle up with their own tactical suits along with the gear.
And there was a lot of gear.
The belt buckle was actually a knife that had to be unbuckled to use but was great for a surprise weapon. The pouches that were on the belt carried a lot of different things, spare ammo, a multitool, there was a hand chainsaw chain in one that also had fishing line and hooks. One of the pouches had a mini first aid kit and she also gave them these bracelets with mini compasses on them made of braided paracord. There were so many knives, knives in the holster on the snake gaiters, knifes in the pockets, the belt buckle…just a lot of knives.
Then if that wasn't enough, she set them up with some nice guns with silencers that came with a shit ton of ammo and even gave him another 40 arrows. She gave them refillable water bottles and these thick straws (she called them life straws) that had built in filters in them so they could drink water without have to process it first. Merle looked like a kid on Christmas when she brought just the gear out and broke down all she was setting them up with. That was before she got Michonne to measure them for their custom suits. Emalyn had been extremely generous with them but was up front on the fact they would be paying her back for all this by teaching everyone all they knew about hunting/tracking as well as providing meat when the opportunity was there. It was easier to accept all that kindness knowing what it was gonna cost them upfront.
It just felt…weird…never in his life had someone gone out of their way to take care of him and it had only been two days. Yesterday morning when he had gotten back from hunting Emalyn had been in a planning session with Michonne, but she had stopped to make breakfast for everyone. Then she asked everyone for their input on what they thought the group needed and then laid out her plans. Merle had been impressed with their meticulousness and eventually it was decided that Hannibal and Beverly would hit up a vet clinic that was just on the outskirts of Atlanta. They would be gathering some more medical supplies (even though the group seemed to be very well stocked) but the main objective was to scope out the city. Daryl had been passed out by the time they had gotten back and hadn't heard about it yet since he went out hunting first thing this morning for rabbits.
After everyone had finished skinning their rabbits Emalyn took the meat to slowly cook some soup and then took the furs over to Hannibal. Daryl watched as Hannibal leaned down to whisper in Emalyn's ear about something and she seemed to have said something amusing because Hannibal pulled back to laugh. Emalyn just smiled and shook her head before gesturing to Hannibal with her hand. Hannibal just nodded and still laughing led Emalyn away.
Daryl decided to follow them out of curiosity.
"What the fuck? What the HELL is all this shit?!" Daryl growled as he came upon them in a small area that they had obviously recently set up.
Emalyn was looking at him wide eyed for a moment before lifting up her hands in a placating gesture, "Now…I know this looks really bad but let me explain."
"The fuck ya got people's faces up here for?!" Daryl said shifting side to side resting his hand on his knife.
"Just a small art project I assure you," Hannibal said lightly with a smirk as Daryl turned to the side and unsheathed his blade eyes darting from him to Emalyn.
"So not the time Hannibal," Emalyn hissed before turning her attention back to Daryl, "okay I know it looks really bad Daryl but hear me out okay."
"Ya guys are some sick fucks ya know that?" Daryl said trying and failing to keep his eyes on both of them as Emalyn slowly approached him grabbing most of his attention involuntarily.
"Okay, listen, you remember what I told you before? About dreaming about all this before it happened?" Emalyn was close enough now to almost touch him but she didn't.
"Yeah what of it?!" Daryl snapped back.
"Well I learned a lot of things!"
"Maybe ya learned the wrong things then!" Daryl growled.
Emalyn gave him a look and Daryl grit his teeth to keep his mouth shut, "Daryl these are from walkers, people who turned and were not people anymore. See the thing is more people are dying than surviving this thing and when they die, they come back. Soon, if not already, there will be more dead than there are living and when that happens there will be moments when fighting isn't an option. When there are so many dead that if you're caught out in the open by them you're pretty much fucked. When not if that happens I want us to have options."
"How the fuck does tanning people faces give ya options!" Daryl snarled gesturing to the stretched faces around them.
"Look…say we are out on a run, and someone fucks up or there is an accident the makes enough noise that the dead flood in so we're stuck. Can't fight our way through, can't run away, no way out. The dead are dead, from the look of their eyes they are not seeing us, that leaves sound and smell. If we want to walk away from a situation like the one I just described we have to trick them into thinking we aren't food. The dead don't eat each other (mores the pity)…why?"
"What's that matter?" Daryl asked slightly more calm now that he could kinda guess where this was going.
"They don't eat each other because whatever this is…recognizing living things from dead things. If we get stuck somewhere our only option might be to cover ourselves in dead blood and guts to trick them. I'm sure you realize now why that is a fantastically bad idea." Emalyn said looking at him imploringly with those big brown eyes.
Daryl was so caught up in them that Hannibal had his knife jerked from his hand and an arm around his throat before he even realized he had lost sight of the man again.
"Hannibal DON'T," Emalyn said as Hannibal leaned down to Daryl's ear with Daryl's knife resting on his cheek.
"Now that was rude," Hannibal said lightly, "Emalyn has been nothing but generous to you and the first sign of some questionable behavior you pulled a knife on your fair host. Tsk tsk."
"Hannibal…enough…Daryl gets it now…don't you Daryl." Emalyn said gently coming up to Hannibal to grab the knife softly from his hand.
Hannibal didn't let go of Daryl, but Daryl forced himself to relax his stance, "Yeah, I get it, safer to put these on and walk out then cover ourselves in blood and guts and die a few days later from whatever shit the dead are brewing in them."
Emalyn smiled, "Exactly, we make these, roll them up and put 'em in a pocket or a pouch. Use them if the shit hits the fan and we need an out."
Hannibal roughly shoved Daryl off of him and Emalyn caught his arm as he stumbled over his feet trying to catch his balance. "Thanks," Daryl said as Emalyn gently steadied him and gave him the knife.
"Why ya doing this out here anyway?" Daryl asked gruffly as he turned to see there were enough faces for everyone in the group except the kids…he didn't know whether to be grateful or worried that Hannibal hadn't seemed to have been able to find a walker that was a kid.
"Hannibal got these with Beverly last night, while this is necessary its not exactly…kid friendly plus they stink something awful and will for a bit before their done so this way they won't disturb our mealtimes by being so close." Emalyn said lightly.
"Ya…guess that makes sense…I'll let Merle know not to mess with it and everything…" Daryl said to apologize without saying it.
Emalyn just nodded and smiled, "Thanks I'd appreciate that."
Daryl looked uneasily between Hannibal and Emalyn. Hannibal was right, Emalyn had been very kind to him, and she deserved more than a knife pulled on her the moment things got sketchy. Hell, she had even set Merle and him up with trail mix and Pemmican bars before every hunt to make sure they were fed. Daryl couldn't remember a time where he hadn't been constantly hungry before Emalyn had taken over feeding the two of them.
"Hey…look…I'm sorry 'bout…" Daryl said waving around him unable to finish the apology.
"Don't worry about it Daryl, I know how all this looks and I know how it feels when someone is nice to you suddenly without asking you for anything. Makes you paranoid and tense waiting for the other shoe to drop. I get it," Emalyn said and patting his arm gently, "you don't have to worry about me hurting you or your brother Daryl. I meant it when I said we look out for each other now."
"Yeah…well…thanks…" Daryl wished she would stop doing that. Her being all understanding and shit just made him feel worse. It made him uneasy, maybe that's why he couldn't help but keep his eyes on her. Since she made him so uneasy with her being so understanding and never getting angry at him no matter how much he fucked up or tried to push her.
"If you two are done, I believe Emalyn had some questions for me and I believe you can find some helpless animal to slaughter somewhere else?" Hannibal said lightly setting Daryl's teeth on edge.
Emalyn looked at Hannibal in exasperation as Daryl snarled at him, "Ya wanna start something ya won't be able to finish?"
"Now…boys…why don't you get into this dick measuring contest another day? Yeah?" Emalyn said stepping between them and laying gentle hands on their chests. "Daryl…why don't you talk to Merle about this…I don't want a repeat performance of this okay?"
Daryl ground his teeth and clenched his jaw as he took in Hannibal's smug face. "Yeah…whatever…bye," Daryl said as he stormed back to camp. When he heard Emalyn deep disappointed sigh Daryl barely stopped himself from flinching feeling a rush of anger at himself at never seeming able to talk or be around her without some stupid drama. Daryl wondered if it ever got easier talking to people outside his family but especially women.
Women were never a big part of his life, and usually when they were they were paid to be there. It left Daryl with zero idea on how to talk to women and no clue on how to read them. The ones he had interacted with before the world went to complete shit had been dumb shits that were completely self-absorbed. Even his mom hadn't really cared enough about him to do more than feed him occasionally and that had been the extent of it. Emalyn was a whole new animal. She wasn't stuck up, didn't look down on him like every other half smart woman Daryl had come across.
She was odd, and Daryl didn't like how she made him feel. Watching her was like watching a docile wolf or lion pace its well-manicured cage. Emalyn was dangerous, she didn't look dangerous…but that's what made her very dangerous. However, she wasn't 'going to harm them' dangerous…no she was the sort of dangerous that made them soft. The type of dangerous that reminds Daryl of how people made dogs…wolves were plenty dangerous, but people gave them food…took care of them and then suddenly they are these soft things that don't know their animals anymore.
Daryl felt like he had to fight not give into the soft security that Emalyn seemed to be trying to give them every second she was in their presence. Though Daryl seemed to be more aware of it than Merle who had more experience with women and so maybe he was more accustomed to that gentle nature of women than Daryl was.
He resolved to keep a wary eye on the woman and try to resist falling for her gentle trap…well meaning or not being soft now was a death sentence.
~~~Lori~~~
It was a long drive from King County to Atlanta, the traffic was terrible, and they had very little to do sitting in the car with Shane. Lori found herself reflecting on her life like she has been for months now but now it was tainted with grief as well as anger. She didn't regret her life with Rick, how could she with Carl? But she did regret heavily the choices she had made in her marriage and especially the last thing she had said to Rick before he had left that morning. Lori couldn't even remember what Rick had done to push her so far into her anger that she had lashed out and said what she said.
Things were so easy when they were younger…then again everything is easy when you're a child and the weight of life hasn't crushed you yet. Lori had only been fifteen and a sophomore in high school when Rick and her had started dating. Rick had been his popular handsome junior that had swept her off her feet when he had pursued her. They were each other's first in everything, first kiss, first time, first serious relationship and when they had gotten married right out of high school Lori's mom had tried to talk her out of it. Lori had remembered how angry she had been at her mom trying to talk her out of marrying Rick, he was the love of her life, her best friend and it had been heartbreaking that her mother was trying to talk her out of marrying the man who had been nothing but good to her.
Lori had remembered how she had lashed out, saying just because she was miserable married to Daddy that didn't mean Rick would ever treat her the way Daddy had treated her. She had said some mean and spiteful things to her mom. But her mom had just taken it and still just gently said that she was too young to make the choice she was making and that she should wait. Lori refused to listen and had gotten married to Rick a week later at a courthouse.
They had been in this tiny apartment while Rick went to the Academy and Lori had gotten a job at the bank as a teller. Those first two years were hard, but they had each other. Every day they would come home, and they would sit on the couch rubbing each other's feet as they told each other what happened during their day. Rick had just been a Rookie then, so his hours were always odd, but they made it work. Rick would tell her about the drunk assholes he picked up or the domestic violence cases he had to deal with. He had been so open with her then with his struggles and they had been so connected. They would dance sometimes in the living room after dinner and Rick would look at her like she was the best thing he had ever seen.
Then she had gotten pregnant with Carl.
They both felt the pressure to get a house because they wanted Carl to grow up in a home. Lori and Rick had been penny pinching for two years before the pregnancy then after she got pregnant, they both upped their hours for the extra cash. Living on Ramen noodles and hardly ever seeing each other. The further along she got the more miserable she got, she cried all the time and Rick was working his ass off, so he had no time to take care of her.
She knew in her head that what he was doing he was doing for them, for their family but she was so alone all the time. Her feet swelled up and made it painful for her to stand for all those hours at work and then as she got closer to her due date, she could barely keep her eyes open on the drive home from work. In the end the doctor forced her to take Maternity leave early and somehow that was even more miserable than being at work. Lori had all these…expectations…for what her being pregnant would be like with Rick.
Lori had remembered thinking about all those scenes in movies where the husband loved on the wife's belly and talked to the baby. Or where the husband treated the wife like glass and maybe it was unfair of her to make comparisons. When they closed on their new house Lori had been eight months pregnant and had to do most of the packing herself. Since she was the only one that was home because Rick never stopped working to help her pack the apartment up. She was carrying heavy boxes with Rick and Shane as they had very little time before their lease was up. Lori had never gotten that pampering caring moment from Rick, and it was maybe an unfair expectation, but she couldn't help how she felt even if she knew in her head all the reasons why he hadn't met them.
Giving birth to Carl had been the most terrifying moment of either of their lives and Lori had very nearly died before the doctor did an emergency C-section to cut their baby boy out of her. Then afterwards she had some complications that made her stay in the hospital for a few days more before they could go home. Rick had only gotten enough time off to stay home with her for about four days before he had to go back to work. Her mother tried to help but Lori hadn't been able to take having her there for long because she was so judgmental about Carl being on formula when her milk wasn't enough to feed him that Lori had sent her away after only three weeks.
Lori wasn't entirely sure she could pinpoint the day Rick stopped talking to her about his day, he just slowly got more and more silent when he got home. They had run a budget when she had gotten pregnant and realized that if she went to work, they would spend more money on daycare than Lori would make working. They had made the choice together that she would be a stay-at-home mom while Rick worked overtime until he could get a raise. What Lori hadn't anticipated was the crushing loneliness of being on her own with her baby without anyone to talk to because Rick wasn't talking to her.
Carl was up all hours of the night because formula wasn't sitting well with him, and she felt like a failure since she couldn't feed her own baby. She didn't have any girlfriends she could talk to because she had mainly spent time with Rick and Shane in High school and after that she was working so much, she didn't have time for friends. That first year with Carl was so hard and she felt like she was doing it all alone. Rick didn't have the energy to help her with house chores after he got off work and Lori was battling a serious depression with a new baby in the house. Their place was a mess all the time and they would fight about it. Rick would accuse her of not putting in the effort when she only had the one baby to look after, but Carl was mostly tired out and sleepy when he got home so he had no idea the crying siren he could be.
Lori on the other hand was feeling overwhelmed and tired all the time. Rick didn't get up with Carl at night because he had to work in the morning even though Carl had fully transitioned to the bottle by three months old and he could have helped her. That was when the fighting started, Rick would just sit there angry and not tell her what was the matter. Then Lori would confront him, he would brush it off, then they would get into an argument until Carl started crying and Rick backed off while she calmed him down. Then Rick would apologize but not really mean it since they would have the same fight a few days/weeks later again.
It wasn't like it was always bad, there were good times too and it got better as Carl got older and Rick played more of an active role in his life. Once Carl was three and had a personality and could be talked to Rick would take him on walks when he got home sometimes. It was enough, it had to be enough, and it was easier once Carl started school and she got some mom friends, so she finally had someone outside of Rick and Shane to talk to that wasn't her parents.
The fighting picked up again by the time Carl was in third grade and asking why he didn't have a brother or sister yet. Lori had wanted more children (she loved being a mother), but Rick was against it. He said it was because it was too risky with how hard giving birth to Carl had been on her and he didn't really make enough to support a bigger family. When Lori had finally conceded to that and had brought up maybe going back to work Rick was completely against it. His job was risky and didn't have set hours. They needed someone always available to take care of Carl if there was an emergency. She was already in the PTA and who would do the housework if she went back to work. He had worn her down until she gave up on going back to work, but it left her feeling like she didn't have a right to ask him to help her with anything because being a mom/wife was her only job.
They started fighting again.
Some days it was hard to remember what it felt like when Rick was talking to her openly about his day and had been genuinely interested in what happened in hers. Now when Rick came home from a rough day on the job, he would sit in sullen silence staring at the wall until it was time for dinner. Then she would get Carl ready for bed and he would read him a story. Then more sullen silence and every time she asked him about it, he would just say he was fine. That he didn't want to talk about it.
It wasn't until Carl turned eleven and it hit Lori that she had only been four years older than Carl was now when she started dating Rick. It shook her how young that was to her now. The other mothers tended to be older than her and they always gossiped about boyfriends that they had dated before their husbands. The relationships they had, the things they had done, the experiences they had with those relationships that made them more experienced in navigating their marriages. It made her realize that maybe both her and Rick were just too inexperienced with relationships to know how to fix their marriage. And it also made her realize how much of her life had been consumed with being a girlfriend, then a wife and then a mother. Who was she without Rick? Without Carl?
She didn't know how to talk to Rick anymore or get him to talk to her. Rick would talk to Shane, confide in Shane, and leave her out of it. Lori didn't know if it was from some misguided form of protection or if he just didn't think she could handle what he was going through, but Rick wasn't talking to her. They had gotten so disconnected that they barely talked to each other anymore outside of fighting and things about their son. Lori was lonely, she had been lonely for years and she didn't know how to fix it.
Sometimes she wondered if they should have broken up after high school. Or waited like her mother had wanted her to before getting married. Now she was thirty-two and a widow and was slowly coming to the realization that she had been mourning Rick for years. Mourning the man who used to rub her feet and tell her the hard things about his day that he was struggling with, that shared his hardships with her. Mourning the man who used to come home and want to dance with her. The one who looked at her like she had hung the moon.
When Rick had first gotten shot, she had been so scared, scared of how Carl would take it, how their life would go on without him if he didn't make it. Then he was in a coma and even though he wasn't dead he was gone…and it wasn't much of a difference at first. That was when Lori realized that Carl was used to his Daddy being gone, that she was used to living without him and that had been a blow she hadn't been expecting. The shame and guilt very nearly choked her to death. She had to keep it together for Carl and then the world went crazy. They couldn't even visit Rick with the hospital restrictions and then it was too dangerous to leave the house and Carl's school year was cancelled. Then her husband was dead and now here they are fleeing to Atlanta to a refugee center.
Lori was numb.
How had her life become this nightmare?
Eventually the traffic went from a crawl to a complete stop, and it didn't seem to be moving any time soon. "Hey, bud let's get out and stretch our legs," Lori told Carl as Shane nodded as he fiddled with the radio. Everyone else was getting out as well and Lori was glad, she wasn't the only one who was restless. There was a family that got out right next to them a mother and her daughter.
"Lori Grimes," Lori said raising her hand to shake the woman's hand, "this is Carl," she tucked her little man into her side as he smiled faintly at the little girl.
"Carol Peletier," she shifted pulling her scared little girl forward a bit, "this is Sophia."
The traffic wasn't moving and since there was nothing else to distract them Carol and Lori got to talking about their lives. Lori was surprised to find out Carol was the same age as her and she felt a sort of kinship of being mothers so young. Carol looked a bit older than her, but Lori put that on Carol's husband Ed…he didn't seem nearly as good a husband as Rick had been to her and something about him set off her alarm bells.
Carol reminisced with her about feeling out of place in the mom groups when Sophia went to school, all the other moms always seeming to be older and wiser than her. How scary giving birth had been for them both was another point of bonding. Carol had no one with her when she had delivered Sophia since Ed hadn't been reachable and her parents had refused to acknowledge her once she got into a relationship with Ed. Lori felt lucky, she had her mom and Rick there for her and couldn't imagine doing it alone.
Carol was reluctant to tell Lori about why her parents were so against Ed until she had shared how her mother had tried to talk her out of marrying Rick while Carl was distracted playing checkers with Sophia. Carol then shared how her parents had never liked Ed because he was ten years older. Ed had been a stock boy at her father's small hardware store when he was eighteen and she had been eight. Ed had been her friend since then, since she had spent most of her time there with her father while her mother was working at a grocery store.
The way Carol had talked about how Ed had been so good to her when she was younger, how as she had gotten older, he had given her so much confidence and was just so nice. Then when she was eighteen Ed had asked her out, but he had warned her that her parents wouldn't approve so they had kept it secret for a long time. She had felt like they were Romeo and Juliet, having to love each other in secret. Eventually her parents found out and had blown up at her about it. They said it wasn't right, that she was making the biggest mistake in her life, that if she didn't break things off with him, they would kick her out of the house. They had fired Ed on the spot and without that Job he was going to move away to a bigger city for another one.
Carol had run away with him that night and hadn't spoken to her parents since then.
Lori pushed down her nausea at Carol's story, giving her a sympathetic smile and trying very hard to keep her eyes off her husband. Lori was reminded that as bad as her marriage had gotten at least it wasn't anything like Carol's story. Rick and her were very close in age and their issues stemmed from the slow breakdown in communication they had with each other…not whatever the hell Ed had done to Carol. There was an awkward silence between them, but Carl broke it by saying, "I'm hungry."
"I know baby, we all are." Lori said sadly kicking herself again for not stocking up on food more. The last two weeks had wiped out everything she had in their house, and it had been too dangerous to go out for more with Carl in tow. Shane had been a professional bachelor most of his life and the most he had in his house had been some condiments for when he ordered in. Most of the time Shane had been eating out either with Rick or the woman of the week so he didn't have anything to help them either when this whole thing had blown up.
"Why don't I get him something to eat?" Carol's soft kind voice said, "Ed's into all this survival stuff. We've got enough M.R.E.s to feed a small army."
"I'd sure appreciate it." Lori said hopeful.
"No trouble." Carol said with a small smile.
Those hopes were quickly dashed as she listened to Ed berate Carol, a part of her had been expecting it though given the little she had discovered about Ed's character. To spare Carol the embarrassment of her seeing that she had seen and heard everything Lori went to talk to Shane to give Carol the illusion she had no idea Ed had vetoed them sharing anything.
"You getting anything?" Lori asked Shane, hoping he had managed to find the broadcast again since it had been nothing but static the last three miles until they had come to the complete stop.
"There's nothing." Shane said defeated.
"Big surprise there." Lori said feeling more hopeless by the minute. Everything seemed to be getting worse and worse with no end in sight.
"No, I mean there's nothing, emergency broadcast system stopped, and that recording about the refugee center. It's all gone," Shane said as he got out of the car and slammed the door shut moving with purpose down the road, "I'm gonna go up the road, see what I can see."
"I'll come with you," Lori said quickly, before heading to Carol.
"Ed must have forgot to pack those M.R.E.s I found these in my purse." Carol said holding up some crackers.
"It's alright, I under…Listen do you mind keeping an eye on Carl for a minute?" Lori asked.
"Sure," Carol replied.
"Shane and I are gonna go scout up ahead a little bit," she treaded her hands through her baby's hair as she told him, "and see if we can find someone that knows what's going on."
"I want to go with you," Carl said.
"Nuh-uh." Lori said, shutting that down as she kissed his head. She didn't want to risk bringing Carl into the chaos up ahead because at least with Carol and Sophia she knew he was relatively safe. Then if she risked taking him out there where God know what could happen to him.
"Hey, we'll be back before you know it. Okay little man, huh?" Shane said as he led Lori down the road.
Shane had been good to Carl and good to her. Shane was there, there in a way Rick hadn't been for years, Shane talked to her about everything, so she knew what was going on and what he was thinking. He listened, he made Carl laugh when he hadn't laughed in weeks, and he was so similar to Rick but more similar to how Rick was in the beginning of their marriage not the end. Shane had been in her life just as long as Rick had but for the first time in her life Lori was starting to appreciate him more than just being a good friend of Rick's.
He protected them.
Lori was so grateful that he had stepped up and protected them. They had known each other for years but this was the first time they had spent so much time together without Rick. Lori was beginning to understand why women took the chance with Shane even though he was a notorious lady's man. For the first time in her life Lori had looked at a man who wasn't her husband and seen someone she was very attracted to emotionally and physically.
She almost couldn't breathe from how ashamed she felt at the thought.
"Why would they stop broadcasting about the refugee center?" Lori asked Shane to distance herself from her guilty thoughts.
"I don't know." Shane replied.
"Think they're turning people away?" Lori asked dread pooling in her gut making it plummet like a roller coaster.
"They're gonna have a riot on their hands if they try." Shane said head on a swivel as he took in the angry people milling around.
Suddenly there was a loud explosion in the distance and Shane pulled Lori to his side protectively as people started to fight like the thing had been the damn bell of a boxing ring. "What do we do?" Lori asked scared.
"We're gonna do what Rick would have wanted us to do, get you and Carol out of here." Shane said then flinched as helicopters flew low overhead.
"That's not lightening," Lori said having thought the explosion was maybe the start of a storm…hoping it had been…praying it had been.
"You stay with me now, come on," Shane said, and Lori took comfort in his decisiveness.
They ran off the road to get a better view than they had from the road, and they weren't the only ones. "Oh my god," Lori said as she watched in disbelief as more helicopters flew over Atlanta dropping bombs.
Shane groaned as if he had been hit in the gut and brought up his hands up covering his mouth in horror. "They're dropping Napalm in the streets." His voice cracked as he shifted from side to side.
"Shane," Lori said in a broken whisper as the full weight of what they were seeing hit her. There was no refugee center, there was no safe place left, the government was bombing their own people, and the situation was so much worse than they had ever thought it would become. Lori had thought what happened to Rick in the hospital was some rouge agents that had acted on fear and misinformation.
It hadn't been that.
They were killing everyone.
"Come here," Shane said gripping her tight and pulling her into his arms.
He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back as Lori sobbed into his arms. Nowhere was safe, nothing was ever going to be the same anymore, Lori had no idea what she was going to do or how she was going to provide any sort of life for Carl. "Carl…Shane…Carl." Lori said as she pulled herself together.
Shane pulled back and nodded to her, they didn't need to say a word more, together they ran back to Carl. They hadn't gone very far from him, thank God, and were back within a few minutes after Shane had bulldozed his way through the people crowding down to where they had been. Carol had Carl and Sophia tucked into her sides looking as scared as Lori felt. Upon seeing Ed's sneering face Lori felt an immense wave of gratitude towards Shane once again, because she felt safer with him. Lori could only imagine how badly she and Carl would have been doing without the strong solid presence of Shane by their sides.
"What's happening?" Carol asked distressed as Lori pulled Carl from her arms into her own.
"Their bombing Atlanta," Lori whispered pressing close to Carol to avoid being overheard.
Carol pulled back choaking on a sob a hand flying up to stifle it as she looked at her with wide frantic eyes. "We need to get off this road, now, come on Lori, Carl, get in the car." Shane said firmly as he climbed into the driver's seat. Lori saw Carol whispering frantically to Ed as she pushed Sophia into her backseat and Lori tensed as she watched Ed shout in Carol's face before he pushed her into his car as well. Lori didn't know whether to be relieved or concerned when Ed followed them onto the side of the road.
Shane was driving up the shoulder away from Atlanta and there were so many people on the highway it was slow going but they were moving at least. Most of the people were out of their cars so thankfully they didn't follow them down the road because Lori wasn't even sure if they would make it out of this crush of people. Already Lori spotted a few cars following behind Ed's car that was right behind them and even a big old RV was bringing up the rear.
"Where are we going?" Lori asked, turning her attention forward as she looked at Shane.
"Off the road, gotta see if I can find a camping area or a rest area that is away from all of this…" Shane said waving his hand at the highway as he went the wrong way up an on ramp and down a side road.
The road got more and more wooded, until the only people they could see was the line of cars that followed them from off the highway and the relief felt like a physical weight was slowly lifting off her shoulders. They turned into a camping area and then they went down a road following the signs to the camping area that had a small lake from a reclaimed quarry. From the looks of things, they weren't the first people to have found this place since there were two Rvs and a few vehicles parked there. A group of people with a woman in front was standing there tense and ready to meet them. Lori felt Shane tense beside her as he took in the group and Lori felt the dread pool back up in her stomach again as she looked at the weapons held loosely in their hands.
Hope and Dread battled inside of her as Shane pulled his car into park a good distance from these people. "What do you think they want?" Lori asked scared.
"They are probably just being cautious Lori…you've seen how crazy it is out there…you stay here with Carl, and I will talk to 'em." Shane said as he got out of the car.
Author's Note: So I have a lot of sympathy for Lori, or at least now I do. When I was younger it was really easy to hate her and not come from a place of understanding because she was cheating on Rick. As I got older, got married, had children, and lived with the struggle of keeping a marriage going the right way I understood her better. Lori got together with Rick in high school, that's cannon. It didn't really hit me what that meant until my baby niece was in high school and I realized how young high school age people are. I mean I remember feeling grown in high school but now I look at these babies in high school while in my thirties and I am stunned. It got me thinking about how much MORE I would have struggled in my marriage if my husband had been my one and only. I mean that first heartbreak is something else. nothing hurts like that. Then it got me thinking of how immature Lori by default had to be and here we are. I don't know, I'm trying to offer a new perspective I guess because the first introduction of Lori we got was Rick bad mouthing her to Shane. We have no idea WHY Lori accused Rick of not caring about her or Carl, we just know he does. We see how much he does through his own actions but we are never given a glimpse inside of Lori's POV untainted. A woman doesn't accuse a husband of not caring for no reason, and so here I am filling out my head canon of why I think their marriage was falling apart before the world ended. I don't know guys, what do you think? Have you ever given any thought on Lori's side of things or have you been stuck on her immaturity and bad decisions? Let me know in the comments if this changed anything for you. Thanks for the reviews! love the thought provoking ones!