Vaggie gazed out over the surrounding hellscape, letting out a heavy sigh as she turned to see nobody at her side. She never imagined that she'd miss Husk of all people, certainly not this much. And yet, here she was, missing him when she should be training. The angel took a deep breath, slowly assuming the position Husk had shown her with one hand gently wrapped around her neck and the other just below her chest.
"I can't let him down," Vaggie sighed, "Time to get back to work." Vaggie slowly backed away to position herself a bit closer to the center of the roof, planting her feet firmly on the ground as she slowly started to flap her wings. Focusing inward and letting everything else around her melt away, Vaggie could feel the minute push and pull of her muscles as she flapped and her heartbeat and pulse thrumming lightly against her palm and fingertips.
After a minute or two, Vaggie started to feel that same sense of calm from before; calm, but a very lonely calm. She felt serene, yet a tiny bit of her felt on edge at the same time, as she felt like she was totally alone. It was isolating, void of anything; there was neither chaos nor company. And she didn't like it. "Vaggie?" "Whoa!" Vaggie turned and saw Charlie standing in front of her, eyes wide in surprise as she let out a soft chuckle and said, "Um… what are you doing?"
"Yeesh, Charlie," Vaggie let out sigh, regaining her composure, "Whew, you startled me, hon. It's just some kind of weird deep-breathing exercise Husk showed me." "Okay… what's weird about it?" Vaggie rolled her eye and huffed, shaking her head as she tried to figure out how to put it into words how the exercise made her feel. "It's just… weird. I think it's like meditation or something. I'm supposed to feel calm, to find my center, I guess. And I do, and it's nice for a little while, but," Vaggie rubbed her arm nervously, blushing a little as she turned away from Charlie and continued, "But every time I get there, I feel so… alone. Like I'm just drifting in pure nothingness and quiet and, and, and… ugh, and then I don't like it anymore!"
Charlie just looked at Vaggie in curiosity and shock, letting out a chuckle and said, "Um… okay. Look, if the exercise bothers you that much, maybe just… skip it for now and work on the other stuff Husk told you to work on." Vaggie groaned, rubbing her temples tiredly and sighed, "But I already have, Charlie. I've done all the stretches, all the exercises, I've hovered less than five feet above the ground for like… forty-five minutes. I've done everything short of flying and this is the one thing Husk taught me that I haven't even come close to grasping yet. I just don't get it, what's even the point of doing something that makes you feel this… alone?"
"Well," Charlie hummed, "Maybe it's more about clearing out the cobwebs." "The… cobwebs?" Vaggie asked. "Yeah, the cobwebs in your head," Charlie said pointing to Vaggie's forehead, "Sometimes our minds get so noisy that the only thing to do is to just… block it all out for a little while. Maybe the exercise has less to do with your body and more with conditioning your mind."
Vaggie let out a hum, scratching her head thoughtfully as she contemplated Charlie's words. After a bit, Vaggie shook her head and said, "I think you're onto something, Charlie, but… that can't be it. Husk said it was all about being familiar with your body; how it moves, how it feels. It has nothing to do with my mind, or even my emotions. I think he said something like 'we'll work on that later,' and that I'd have to worry about working on it myself for now." Vaggie groaned in frustration, scratching her scalp as her groan turned into a growl and she shouted, "Ugh! There must be something! Something that I just can't see. What am I doing wrong!? Maybe I'm just… not meant to get this; maybe it's just… me."
"Or," Charlie peeped, "Maybe… you're doing it exactly right." Vaggie looked at Charlie blankly, arcing a brow questioningly as Charlie continued, "When you do the exercise, and you get to where you're feeling lonely, how does that make you feel physically? What happens to your body when you reach that point?"
"Well," Vaggie said, taking a second to think, "My wings feel harder to flap, almost like the air got way thicker. My heart rate and pulse get quicker, and it's all I can do to stand being in that space, to continue the exercise." "And what are you thinking about when this happens?" Charlie asked. Vaggie shook her head and said, "Nothing. I just… focus on my movements and my breathing. Everyone else just kind of disappears."
"You mean 'everything' disappears? Right?" Charlie asked. "Isn't that what I said?" "No, you said everyone, but, maybe you just misspoke?" Vaggie's eye widened as a feeling of realization washed over her; she just chuckled and said, "Oh God. I think I get what's wrong." Charlie tilted her head a little, looking at Vaggie eagerly with an expectant smile. "I guess I just don't do alone very well," Vaggie shrugged, "I've never really ever been alone, and… it kind of goes against my nature."
"What do you mean?" Charlie asked. "Well, I-I mean… well, you know how it is?" Vaggie stammered, "I enjoy my space as much as anyone, and sometimes I do need to just… get away from everyone and just be alone with my thoughts. But, I don't like being away from people for too long, because… well, mostly because, like I said, I've never really been alone." Charlie shook her head, placing a hand on Vaggie's shoulder and the other on her cheek. Charlie locked eyes with Vaggie and said, "There's something else. Something you're not telling me. Isn't there?"
Vaggie looked away, clearly nervous by her body language; Charlie grabbed her chin and gently turned her head to face her again, saying, "It's alright. You can tell me." Vaggie sighed, shaking her head and said, "Exorcists are always told from the start of basic training that every kill they make on Extermination Day should be theirs and only theirs. Yeah, assists do happen, but it's rare; usually it's when you're trying to take out a sinner whose demon form is, like, really big or really powerful. Think of sinners like Miss Zilla or… shit, if you're ballsy enough to try, that crazy spider guy. What's his name, Zestial? But, those would probably be the only instances where getting or giving assistance would be seen as acceptable. Because… duh."
"I see," Charlie nodded, trying to hide her discomfort at hearing Vaggie talk about slaughtering sinners, "But, what's this got to do with you hating being alone?" "Pretty much everything," Vaggie shrugged, "Even though we're supposed to be ideal solo soldiers, we're still a flock, a unit. One of my former teachers even said we're like a wolf pack; perfectly capable and deadly alone, but we move and think as one. The Exorcists in my division were my sisters, my friends… my family." Carlie let out a soft coo, feeling a small smile creep across her face.
"Anyway, after I… fell," Vaggie gently took Charlie's hands in hers and said, "And, after you saved me… I found a new family. One that didn't demand so much from me, or demand that I do something that I hated to feel loved or accepted. You, Charlie… you are my family, my rock. And the idea of being away from you, and not being able to get back to you, even for a second… is terrifying to me."
Charlie squeaked happily as she lunged forward, wrapping her arms around Vaggie, planting a kiss on her bandaged cheek and said, "You and I will never be apart. Even if we're not able to be physically close all the time, we're joined at the hip… by our souls. So, the next time you try that exercise, and you start to feel lonely and scared, just remember that I am always with you… in here."
Vaggie chuckled as Charlie pointed to her chest, smiling as she returned Charlie's hug and gently pressed her lips against her partners. Charlie sighed as she leaned into the kiss, trying not to giggle as she felt Vaggie's wings flutter a little, kicking up a light breeze. As the two girls separated, Vaggie felt a ton of weight lift off her shoulders, feeling literally lighter as she gazed into Charlie's eyes.
"Now," Charlie cheered, clapping her hands together in excitement, "Give it one more shot, Vaggie. For me?" Vaggie giggled, backing away and getting into position. "Alright, babe," Vaggie sighed, "For you."