Summary:
Harvey has a panic attack and is taken to the hospital. His emergency contact has been notified.
A/N:
Prompt from Blossom: A fic where Harvey has a panic attack after finding the letter, ends up in the ER and they call Donna because she is his emergency contact. and when she comes to see him and asks him what happened, he tells her: " "i cant lose you again."
I enjoyed writing this one. Donna deserved to help Harvey through his panic attacks.
Enjoy!
M
Trigger warning:
Talk of anxiety and panic attacks
The conversation was still fresh in her mind when Ray dropped her off at the hospital entrance.
Donna Paulsen?
Yes.
Hi. My name is Katy Anderson. I'm an ER nurse from Manhattan General. We have you listed as the emergency contact for Harvey Specter.
Oh my God, is he—
He's okay, ma'am. He had a severe panic attack. The doctor will only release him into the care of someone. Can you be here?
I'm on my way.
Donna hurried through the automatic double doors of the emergency room.
"Hi, I'm here to see Harvey Specter," she said to the receptionist behind the waiting room check-in counter.
"Your name," the woman said curtly. Not bothering to look up at who she was speaking to.
"Paulsen, Donna Paulsen."
The young lady behind the counter stared at her computer screen and after a few clicks of the mouse, she said, "I'll buzz you in." And she nodded to the doors that separated the waiting area from the treatment area.
Once inside, Donna hurried to the nurse's station. Slightly annoyed, she had to go through another introduction. But this time the nurse was much nicer and smiled when he heard who she was and who she was here for.
"Oh! Mr. Specter will be very happy to see you. He's a little grouchy." The nurse said it with a muffled chuckle.
Donna returned a knowing look. "I bet he is," she said.
There was some comfort in knowing that he was being typical Harvey, she thought to herself.
"I will let the doctor know you're here. Follow me," the nurse said.
The young man stopped in front of a single room. "I'm Mr. Specter's nurse, John. Just buzz me if you need me," he let her know.
"Thank you," Donna said.
He smiled and left her standing outside Harvey's room. She took a deep breath and pushed open the door.
Her heart fluttered at the sight of him.
Harvey was sitting up-right on the bed. His white monogrammed sleeve dress shirt was unbuttoned at the top and he had several heart pads stuck to his chest and one on the nape of his neck. He had a finger pulse monitor as well as an IV in his arm.
Harvey was watching the TV—it looked like some sort of sports program and she managed a soft "hey" to alert him of her presence.
He turned when he heard her voice and sheepishly frowned when he saw her.
"Hey," he returned.
She quickly moved to his side and asked, "May I?" Motioning to the bottom of his bed.
"God, yes. Please sit."
He scooted his legs to make room for her.
"Harvey. I was so worried when the hospital called."
She was picking at her fingers.
He sighed at her confession. "I told them it was nothing. Not to call you. But anytime you mention shortness of breath and chest pain, it's all hands on deck." He rolled his eyes. "I'm never going to hear the end of this," he finished.
"Tell me, Harvey. What happened?"
This time, she placed her hand on his thigh. They had been better at touching more and she wasn't going to let her own insecurities about their current relationship status get in the way of showing him how much she was worried about him.
"I don't know Donna. One minute I was in the judge's chambers with opposing counsel trying to work out a plea and the next thing I knew, they were taking me away on a stretcher to an ambulance."
Donna shook her head in disbelief. "I am so sorry, Harvey. It must have been awful for you." Her voice cracked and her eyes watered. The thought of him in pain and being alone made her stomach sour. She tilted her head down.
"Hey. It's fine. I'm fine. It was just a panic attack. Donna, look at me," he told her and she did. Then he continued, "I'm good, really."
Harvey's face softened. His big brown eyes fixed on her and she wondered how it was that he was offering her reassurance.
She sniffled and blinked a few times, willing herself not to cry. She needed to be strong for him. She owed him that much.
"You don't have to downplay it. This is serious, Harvey. I don't ever want to get another call like that again."
Harvey smiled his spectacular smile. "Oh, you mean you were worried about me?"
"Yes. That's exactly what I mean." She wasn't yet ready to let him off the hook. But before Harvey could respond, the doctor walked in.
Donna stood in her presence.
"Please, sit. You're fine. You must be…" looking down at her chart, "...Ms. Paulsen?"
Donna nodded her head and responded, "Yes. I came as soon as they called me."
"Thank you for coming. Mr. Specter is perfectly fine—"
"Then why do I need a babysitter?" He interrupted.
Donna glanced back. "Harvey," she scolded him (as much as Donna could, given the circumstances) and he rolled his eyes.
Unphased by Harvey's rudeness, the doctor continued, "As I was saying, Mr. Specter suffered a rather significant panic attack in the courthouse today and he was brought here. All his vitals checked out, his heart looked strong and all his bloodwork came back normal—nothing out of the ordinary."
The doctor continued to flip through the chart and read the information out loud to Donna and an antsy Harvey.
"Hormones check out; testosterone is optimal; your cortisol was a little elevated but that's to be expected from a stress induced panic attack."
Donna listened attentively and felt her cheeks warm at the mention of Harvey's testosterone levels. It didn't surprise her, Harvey was beyond fit, and he exuded masculinity.
Harvey's voice pulled her away from her thoughts. "Stress induced? I wasn't even in a stressful situation. I've been in way more stressful situations than that doc."
The doctor dropped her clipboard to her thigh. "Anxiety and panic don't have to necessarily come after a situation that is considered stressful or intense. Oftentimes, it can happen during the most mundane tasks. There is no rhyme or reason for anxiety or panic disorders."
"I don't have either of those," Harvey said with a gruffness that caused an awkward moment of silence.
Donna squeezed his leg gently.
The young doctor continued, "I'm not a psychiatrist, so I can't speak to your particular predicament."
Donna smiled at the doctor's quick ability to smooth out the situation.
Harvey huffed.
"But what I can speak to is your physical state, and as of right now, I'm concluding based on your bloodwork, tests and EKG that you had a panic attack. If you want to pursue further testing, I suggest you see someone who can determine if you need a specific diagnosis," she concluded.
Donna cleared her throat, breaking the tension in the room. "Thank you, Doctor. We do appreciate your candor."
Donna could feel Harvey rolling his eyes behind her back.
"Okay then. I'm releasing Mr. Specter under your care, Ms. Paulsen. If he gets any more symptoms, such as dizziness, shortness of breath or tightness of the chest, don't hesitate to call 911. Any questions for me?"
"No," Harvey quipped back.
Donna smiled apologetically at the doctor and said, "No, thank you."
"Alright then, goodbye, Mr. Specter," she said, then turned to Donna and smiled. "Goodbye, Ms. Paulsen."
Seconds later, John entered the room to start Harvey's discharge. Donna stood from the bed while John removed Harvey's heart rate monitor pads and IV. Harvey grumbled when John pulled the strip from his chest.
"Ouch!"
"Oh, please, Mr. Specter. Don't be such a baby."
Donna giggled at the nurse's ability to put Harvey in his place and both men smiled.
John left, but not before letting them know to take their time.
Harvey sat up on the side of the bed, placing his feet on the floor, spreading his long lean legs open. Donna took the spot next to him. He was buttoning his shirt when he turned to face her.
"Thanks for coming."
"Of course. As if I had a choice."
"You did…have a choice, not so long ago." He sighed, dropping his hands to his thighs.
"Harvey, are you sure you weren't stressed when your panic attack happened?"
"I'm sure, Donna. It was an easy plea deal."
She nodded and he continued.
"My client wanted out of a shitty business deal with her partner, I was just trying to get her the best outcome without being left empty handed."
Silence.
"That's not me, Harvey."
Harvey furrowed his brow in confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"I don't want out," she said in a hushed tone that surprised even her.
Harvey shook his head. "Donna, I don't think—"
His eyes widened. "Ohhh."
"Yeah," she said, then took his hand. "Harvey, I'm not going anywhere."
He looked down at their hands, understanding it all now.
"You did it once before. What's gonna stop you from doing it again?"
Donna moved her hand to his cheek. "You are, Harvey."
"But what if I fuck it up again?"
She stood, facing him now. "You won't. I have faith in you. And besides, who's to say I won't screw it up?"
He laughed. "Well, we both know that's probably going to happen, and I'm going to have to come to your rescue for the—let's see, fifth time?"
"Oh, okay, Mister. If that's how you're gonna play."
Donna scooted back, giving him room to stand. Then she moved in close and finished buttoning his top remaining buttons. The heat was palpable between them and while her eyes were fixed on the task at hand, she could feel Harvey's on hers.
Her cheeks warmed. "There," she whispered. Dropping her hands square on his chest. She could feel his heart and she didn't know if it was the beat of his chest or being so close to him but emotion overtook her and she couldn't stop the tears from flowing.
"Hey, come on," Harvey said tenderly, pulling her in for a hug. She let the tears flow freely now and he just held her tight.
"I'm sorry, Harvey," she said between sobs. "I just…"
"Don't want to lose me?"
She sucked in a sniffle and managed a nod.
"Well, the feelings are mutual, Donna. I don't want to lose you, either. And between the both of us, I'd say I'm worse for wear. At least you don't have panic attacks over it."
She pulled away slowly, then, without hesitation, placed one hand on his cheek and stood on her toes, planting a soft kiss on his other cheek.
She moved her lips to his ear, reminding him once more, "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."
When she pulled away, her eyes met his and she swore he could see into her soul. Surely he knew how much she loved him. How much he was and still is her entire world. She knew that at some point she would have to tell him, but she suspected he wasn't ready.
One day, she thought.
His face softened. His big brown eyes were still searching her face.
"You ready?" He finally asked her.
"Yeah, let's get out of here," she replied. "Ray is waiting outside."
Harvey dropped his hands from her waist and then quickly offered his arm and she took it.
"You know, the doctor did say I needed to be under your supervision. So how about we order from that shitty Thai place and watch a movie at your place?" He asked her with his famous specter smile, beaming from ear to ear.
Teasing him, she responded. "Oh, my place, huh?" But they both knew why her place was better— good things happened when they were together at her apartment .
"Yeah, your place, Donna."
His voice was soft and sincere. And something about the way he said it made her think he might be ready for more.
She smiled and they walked hand in hand out of the ER.