Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: ...You know, I'm a person of many merits. Quite sane, yet quite fun to hang around with. And also a person with enough morals to keep one self high.
BUT LOOKING AT THIS MONSTROCITY THAT I CRAPPED OUT OF MY THEN IDIOTIC ASSHOLE, IT MAKES ME THANKFUL THAT I TOOK A RATHER BLEAK BREAK FROM WRITING. I mean, look at this stuff!
Author's Note: Finally! The race begins, and the contestants are going to be in for a surprise! Do know that I made up Peppy, Heppy, Bronto, Shelia, and Zirdo. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the race! (Zooms off but bumps into camera)
Dis: YOU SUCK!
Claimer: (Steals my car) Robble robble!
Disclaimer: (Sigh) Why did my brothers have to be idiots?
Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: I didn't even spell "sigh" right, I spelled it originally as "sign". THAT SHOULD TELL YOU SOMETHING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. ..But then again, the time has since greatly passed, so I won't let it affect me TOO much. But then again, I have been eagerly wanting to fix up Yoshi Kart for so long... so now may be the chance. Regardless of which, even though it's not what I initially thought it would be, it holds a special place in my heart, and with that said, I'm going to do all I can to fix it and make it as unique and awesome as it should be. And with that said, enjoyed this massively improved chapter, of a legendary fanfic...
It's May the 25th of the year Who-Gives-A-Flying-Crap, and all of the Yoshi Kart racers are waiting to be announced in front of Master Hand's new stadium in Wonder Fields.
Inside the garages within the stadium are the racers, who are all eager to show their faces and ultimately race, to have fun and win some merit of sorts.
"You can say that again," Yoshi stated with a grin as he winked, having a brief converse with Mario and Sonic. "So nice to have you guys here!"
Sonic smiled, nodding back. "It sure is a pleasure, Yoshi! I'm sure we'll do good and have some fun." He turned to Mario, smiling. "Right, Mario?"
Mario nodded back as he grinned, as he then turned around to the back, to see Luigi having some coffee as the green capped plumber was reading a newspaper. Mario sighed as he shrugged and turned to the front again. "Oh Luigi... always one to be cautious and such..."
Bowser simply chuckled as he folded his arms, sitting firmly in his Koopa King vehicle. "Peh. Leave it to the green mustache to do things nice and easy," He stated to himself calmly, his eyes closed."
"Why do I have the feeling that this will get changed up over time in the future?" Pikachu picked up while charging himself with electricity.
"Something about making fanfiction great again... or whatever." Koopa Troopa spouted while checking his various turtle shells.
At long last, Master Hand appeared at the stadium, welcoming himself to the audience as they cheered in response. The floating hand made his way to the middle, grabbing the microphone and speaking loudly into it.
"Hello, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, good and evil, and welcome all to my humble little, beautiful stadium. It is now time for the annual YOSHI KART!" Master Hand shouted as thousands of cheers can be heard from the audience. Master Hand cleared his throat and said, "But before we begin, this program was brought to you by Western Union - The fastest way to send money worldwide. If your aunt sprung a leak, friend's car broke down, your boss told you to send money to a company so we won't get sued by that same company after we air the commercial so we can get advertised, then use Western Union. Now on to the racers."
Master Hand floats down on to the road where the Yoshi Kart racers await. Yoshi, Pichu, Peppy, Birdo, Boshi, Zirdo, Heppy, Bronto, Shelia, and Baby Mario are standing next to their cars. "Now I give the honor of introducing themselves to the Yoshi Kart racers," Master Hand said, when Yoshi came in front and took the mike.
"Thank you, Master Hand. We shall introduce ourselves to the theme of Diddy Kong Racing with our own tune. That means that it's gonna be really hard for us. Hit it!" Yoshi instructed as he pointed at the boom box, of which Gooper Blooper was in charge of.
Mario, who was in the hanger with Luigi, muttered, "I have a strange feeling about this."
Luigi could only shake his head in agreement. "Here-here, Mario. Just what are they up to?"
Sonic shrugged, rubbing the back of his head as he joined in on the conversation. "I don't know, but hopefully it won't be embarrassing."
As the three stopped chattering amonsgt each other, they all looked outside, along with the other racers. Soon, Yoshi and his seven dinosaur chums got on a stage. Yoshi came in front and held a microphone, and the band came in and started playing the music, with Gooper breaking down some beats from the boom box.
Note: You should really play the DKR theme song before reading this part. It goes by each person's individual tune. (not that you don't even know anymore. Cough. And by the way, the script format? Completely gone, so it should be painfully obvious to see who's singing.)
"Hey, I'm Yoshi, and how are ya doing? I'm here to enjoy the race-"
"My name's Peppy and I'm in the mood to send you into spaaaaace-"
"I'm Shelia, a fashion designer, and I'm gonna climb to the top higher-"
"I'm Heppy, and I'm certainly better, for I'll send my opponents lower-"
"My name is Birdo, and I can go fast, so I'll leave you in the dust-"
"I'm Zirdo, and I couldn't help it, but dance to the music, I must-
"I'm Bronto, and I'm the strongest, so give me all of your best-"
"I'm Boshi, and if you agree with Bronto, then just give it all a rest-"
"And that's all for now, but then we'll do it again. Because we just like it when we have fun. Let the race begin! Yeah!"
Everyone cheered as the dinosaurs got off the stage. Master Hand cleared his throat and continued, "Now let's move on to our extra special racers. These people were selected among hundreds of people to race in our program." Master Hand then took out a small card. "As I call your entry name please come out and introduce yourself to us. Ahem. ENTRY NUMBER ONE!" He called, as a crazy laughter filled the air.
"Huuhoohaahooheehaawhoo! I'm da Crazy Hand!" The craziest of hands cackled with demented glee, proceeding to float near Yoshi's car.
Yoshi slapped his forehead and said to himself, "Oh no. He just had to be here."
"I'm so happy to be in the race!" Crazy Hand giggled with glee, "And no one's gonna get in my way!"
"That's because you're so crazy, no one WANTS to get in your way," Birdo pinpointed out.
"Try to say that while you're crushed in my palm!" Crazy taunted.
Mario, Luigi, and Sonic faced each other, each surprised by the sudden appearance of Master Hand's crazy brother.
"That crazy freaking hand? Why would he be competing in something like this?" Sonic pondered as he scratched his head.
"All right, who invited Crazy Hand?" Mario asked while shaking his head.
Luigi sighed and shrugged. "Beats me, but hopefully, he won't pull off something stupid like he did back at the mansion."
"Do you guys mind shutting your traps and wait until you're introduced, please?" Master Hand shouted out at the racers in the hanger as he continued, "ENTRIES NUMBER TWO, THREE, FOUR, AND FIVE!"
Suddenly, Cloud Strife appeared in a black motorcycle. "I'm Cloud Strife and I'm here for the money."
Nearly all of the Nintendo characters gave Cloud Strife a long, blank pause while the rest of the audience continue cheering.
"Why do I get the bad feeling that we'll be seeing him again in a Nintendo based sporting event years from now?" Birdo bemoaned.
"In all honesty," Master Hand stated through telepathy to the Nintendo characters, "I did open this up for all characters. And he was, after Sonic, the closest I could get to free publicity - I mean, racers. Heh-heh."
"Figures," Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, Sonic, and Bowser all muttered to each other at the same time.
May and Misty appeared in a blue car with pictures of Beautifly and Starmie on it.
"I'm May!" May shouted with enthusiasm, smiling.
"I'm Misty!" Misty shouted also, simply waving to the audience instead.
Sonic turned to Mario with a smile. "Ready?"
Mario nodded and gave Sonic back a thumbs up sign as the two competitors exited at the same time.
A small blue car with Sonic and Amy on it appeared.
"I'm Sonic! Sonic the Hedgehog!" Sonic shouted pridefully as he waved to the audience, smiling.
Amy Rose hopped out and hugged Sonic. "I'm Amy! Me and Sonic are racing together!" Amy shouted happily.
A red-and-green car appeared with pictures of the Mario Bros. on them. Mario and Luigi hopped out and said in unison, "We're the Mario Brothers!"
"And plumbing's our game!" Mario started in song, smiling.
"We're not like the others who get all the fame!" Luigi added on.
"If your princess is in trouble, you can call us on the double!"
"We're faster than the others, you'll be hooked on the brothers!"
"UHH!" Mario and Luigi concluded as they got into rapping poses.
"My rap was better." Donkey Kong muttered in slight annoyance.
Sonic face palmed himself with a groan while shaking his quill covered hedgehog head. "Ugh, really? A rap number of all things...?"
Mario turned to face Sonic. "Well, let's see if YOU could try better.
Sonic sweatdropped, chuckling nervously as he shook his right hand. "Ehh... good point. My apologies."
The audience cheered loudly as Master Hand said, "Wow, we're getting a handful of racers tonight!" He muttered under his breath before continuing his announcing, "And with that, we'll get plenty of publicity and money. Heh...! ENTRIES SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, AND TEN!"
The Star Fox appeared in the sky within the Great Fox and landed smoothly between Mario/Luigi and Sonic/Amy.
"Good evening. I'm Fox McCloud, of the Star Fox team." Fox introduced himself as he smiled with pride.
Falco came out with a confident stride and smirk. "I'm Falco. Falco Lombardi."
Peppy Hare and Slippy appeared and said, "We're Peppy and Slippy!"
Peppy Ankylosaurus's jaw dropped and he said, "Wow, there's another Peppy!"
Pichu looked at Peppy Ankylosaurus, then at Peppy Hare. "Freaky..." Pichu said to himself.
"...Well screw you too!" Peppy Hare responded back in annoyance.
"Bro it's not worth it." Slippy insisted while shaking his froggy head.
Another huge ship, this time being a pirate ship, appeared in the sky and landed next to the Star Fox.
Kaptain K. Rool came out like a drunk having a field day with rice pudding, mumbling, "G'day, mates."
Baron K. Roolenstine slapped Kaptain on the back of the head and whispered angrily, "That's Austrailian, fool!"
Kaptain K. Rool rubbed his head and corrected himself. "Oops. I meant... AArrrr! Avast there ye' landlubbers."
King K. Rool stood in front and shouted with pride as he pointed at the audience and racers, "We're the K. ROOL BROTHERS!"
"I thought you were all the same guy," Mario pinpointed.
Everyone murmured as King K. Rool nervously sweatdropped.
"Errr, well yes but actually no... uhhh-" King K. Rool stuttered, rubbing the back of his head nervously.
"Who cares with we're the same guy or brothers? We're going to conquer this race!" Baron K. Roolenstine stood up with a boastful holler, "And we're gonna give ya trouble." He turned to the Kremlings in the ship and yelled, "AIN'T THAT RIGHT, KREMLINGS?"
The Kremlings within the the floating pirate ship cheered loudly in response to their leaders. "YAH YEAH YAHOO YA YES!"
"Ah geeze..." Yoshi shook his head with distraught and the dinosaurs panicked.
"That's not fair!" Pichu retorted.
King K. Rool looked at Pichu and scoffed. "Heh. Deal with it, cheese boy."
A small red-and-black car appeared with a picture of Knuckles and Rogue on it. "I'm Knuckles," Knuckles shouted. Rogue said, "I'm Rogue the Bat."
Another car came, this time in the form of a trashcan. Out came Oscar the Grouch. "FILTH!" He yelled, as he threw filth at the others.
"Oh god," Master Hand said to himself, as he destroyed the filth with his magic. Soon, a man with a gun appeared. "I'm Alec Trevelyan and I'm here for the money," Trevelyan spoke.
A green tank appeared and James Bond came out of it. "The name's Bond," James Bond said, as he looked at the other racers. Master Hand looked at his card one more time and said, "Well, here are the last racers. ENTRIES NUMBER ELEVEN, TWELVE, THIRTEEN, FOURTEEN, AND FIFTEEN!"
Baby Mario and Baby Luigi appeared in a small red wagon. "I'm Baby Mario, don't mess with me or you'll be dirtier than my diaper!"
"Baby Luigi is ready for action!" Baby Luigi cried.
Mario and Luigi groaned in unison, both of the plumbers face palming.
"Why did our baby selves come?" Mario shook his head.
"Do we really needed these two?" Luigi added while looking up and glared at Yoshi, who only shrugged in response.
"They're you, not me." Yoshi pointed out.
Soon shortly afterwards, the famed furry supergenius from Warner Bros' Looney Tunes known as Wile E. Coyote appeared on a red rocket. Everyone laughed.
"What? A super genius can't have a rocket!" Wile E. Coyote protested just as the Roadrunner appeared. "Beep-beep!" he said, and started looking at the other racers.
Suddenly, a black-and-white car appeared with a big red R on it. And out were two familiar figures...
"Oh no." Pikachu muttered from the hanger while slapping his forehead.
Yoshi sighed as he rolled his eyes. "The trio of idiots who can't stop chasing twerps." He quietly muttered under his breath, "You can't have a fanfic without them."
And thus, Team Rocket began their classic motto, with Jessie and James proudly standing up in their car.
"Prepare for trouble!"
"Make it double!"
"Ya better make it a triple!" Meowth interrupted, only to be kicked back into the car by Jessie and stomped on by James.
"Damn it, Meowth!" Hisses Jessie as she face palmed.
"Meowth, you furball idiot! Now we have to start over!" James growled as he continued kicking Meowth.
"My leg!" Meowth cried out in pain.
The audience and racers murmured as they then watched Team Rocket reciting their classic motto again, this time without any annoying interruptions.
"Right. From the start." Jessie stated as she cleared her voice.
"Indeed, we shall go on." James added as he took out his often forgotten red rose, and thus, the music in the background began to play again.
"Prepare for trouble."
"Make it double."
"To Protect the world from devastation!"
"To Unite all people within our nation!"
"To announce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jessie!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blasts off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"
"MEOWTH! THAT'S RIGHT!" Meowth concluded as he jumped in between, grinning like the Chesire Cat.
"WOBBA!" Wobbuffett obnoxiously added as he popped out of his Pokeball in the background.
Everyone looked at Team Rocket and they CHEERED. Team Rocket has never gotten this much respect.
Master Hand: That's nice, but we are wasting time.
"Why are you using script format?" Yoshi said as he gave Master Hand a weird look.
Master Hand: Because this is getting pointless.
Script format sucks.
Master Hand: Says you-
Before he could finish, the Master Hand was zapped, forcing him to stop using script for mat.
"Jackass author," he muttered under his electrocuted breath.
I heard that.
"Whatever!"
"I'm hungry! Can we just start the race all ready?" Pichu complained.
"Fine, you impatient piece of crap." Master Hand signed and the last racer appeared. Well, 27 racers.
"How many fucking racers does this story need?"
"How should I know? I'm just a floating hand."
"...Well can you at least get them out of the way?"
"Mmmk."
The Diddy Kong Racers suddenly pulled out of the garage, showing their gratitude towards the audience.
"And we're the Diddy Kong Racers!" They all shouted in unison.
Wizpig laughed evilly as he flew by down on his rocket, jumping off of it and proclaiming, "I'm Wizpig! Fear me and my alien space bacon!"
"That sounds... horribly disgusting..." Birdo mused as she received an angry glare from Wizpig.
The Tyrannoyoshi Rex, King Brachio, King Ankylosaurus, and Lord Triceratops all bellowed out loudly as they stomped over the stadium, roaring in unison as they chuckled evilly underneath their breathes, "We're the ferocious rulers of Dinosaur Land! Fear our gigantic, prehistoric reigns!"
Pikachu, Marth, and Roy all pulled out of the garage in their own red-yellow-indigo car.
"I'm Pikachu!" Pikachu piped as he was in front.
"I'm Marth." Marth gracefully stated as he held his sword behind his back.
"And I'm the hunkalicious, sexy Roy!" Roy added before being slapped in the back of the head by Marth.
"And we're the swordsmen and electric mouse team!" The three participants said in unison, with Pikachu adn marth glaring at a nervous Roy.
Link and Samus both arrived on top of Link's horse, Epona. "We're the famous pair up, Link and Samus!"
Pincess Peach Toadstool and Princess Zelda arrived in their pink-yellow-purple car (which actually was the Royal racer, but then again, a certain someone was too lazy to correctly recognize it by it's actual name) "And we're the Princess Girl power!"
Bowser grinned as he pulled out of the garage in his mighty, gigantic Koopa King, grinning as he waved to the audience. "I am the great King of the Koopas, Bowser! Here to tear apart you tiny, pathetic little racers!"
"Pathetic!?" Mario exclaimed as he attempted to jump out of the Red Fire, being tugged back by Luigi. This caught Bowser's eye, and he chuckled, taunting the red-capped Italian plumber.
Koopa Troopa and Paratroopa both in their green-colored Koopa Kart, waving to the audience as they stated in unison, "We're the Koopa Troopa and Paratroopa team up! Gooooo Koopas!"
Captain Falcon arrives in his well renowned Blue Falcon, opening the hood and standing up as he saluted to the audience. "I'm the great, handsome, awesome, kickass Captain Falcon! Yesz! Show me your moves!" Everyone cheered for Captain Falcon
"What a lousy showoff," Boshi said as he looked at Captain Falcon.
Captain Falcon turned to face Boshi, giving the dinosaur a mean, cold, firm glare. Boshi, unfazed, returned the glare, sparking a tiny rivalry between the two racers.
And finally, as things started to cool down, Barney the Dinosaur appeared in a car made out of different-colored legos. "Huuhuuhuuhuu! I'm Barney the Dinosaur! I'm here to make things funny!" Barney giggled, as everyone cheered for him, bizarrely enough.
"...WHY!?" Mario, Sonic, Yoshi, and pretty much everyone else all exclaimed in horror.
"Because I love you." Barney said while blowing kisses to the people who cheered him on. "...you love me..."
Yoshi rolled his eyes. "Did we really need this many dinosaurs here?"
"Who said you had to be the only Flintstones reject?" King. K. Rool teased as the others laughed, with Yoshi fuming.
Fred Flintstone squinted his eyes while having some Fruity Pebbles. "Damn... I yabba dabba felt that burn."
Master Hand threw the card he had in the recycle bin. "Well, that's everyone," he said, as he went to the announcer's box. "Folks, you are in seats that can transport you to where the racers are!"
Before Master Hand could continue on, six more racers popped up on the scene, shocking everyone, including the other racers.
"Oh for fuck's sake." Yoshi snarled.
"Hold on Master Clown!" Waluigi called out as he grinned, "You haven't called out everyone, you know!"
Daisy pulled out, wearing her orange biker suit as she was on an orange Mach Bike. "Hi, I'm Daisy!" She greeted, waving to the crowds, who anticipated her trademark line.
Toad showed up in his standard blue kart, looking up to the crowds and waving with a smile as the fangirls squealed with delight. "It's Toad time! Oh yeah!"
"Toadette! Ready!" Toadette giggled as she zoomed right next to Toad, on her pink-colored standard kart.
Shadow the Hedgehog teleported near Sonic, placing some of the Chaos Emeralds away as he pointed at himself. 'I'm Shadow the Hedgehog," He stated as he pointed at his shoes, "And I'm using my special sneakers to make my way through this race."
A quick look at Dr. Eggman's base can see Dr. Eggman chuckling as he is watching the Yoshi Kart Grand Prix going under way from his high definition wide screen television set.
Bowser Junior could be heard laughing as he arrives by spinning around inside his green spiky shell, popping out and pointing his Gadd Paintbrush at the audience, before revealing his yellow-and-green standard kart, jumping into it. He smirked as he recieved a well welcome glance from his father nearby.
Waluigi smirked, turning to face the audience as the attention was finally focused on him. "And I'm-a Waluigi, number one. Wa ha ha!" He victoriously greeted as he did a quick dance and took a bow to the audience, who cheered his name.
Getting back up, Master Hand quickly looked around, before asking, "Is that truly everyone?"
All of the racers looked at each other, and then turned back to Master Hand, nodding in unison.
Master Hand sighed of relief. "Good. Now that we have that issue out of the way, it's finally time to start the Yoshi Kart Grand Prix!"
Everyone cheered loudly and agreed in harmony as Master Hand spoke again. "Thank you. I will explain the rules a but later, but now it is time for a commercial."
And so that ends the quirky Chapter 3. The actual race begins in the next chapter. I hope you enjoyed this story, folks, and just for the record, if you want me to add any character in the next chapter before the race starts, just put it in your reviews. Cya later!
Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: ...Really? Really? Hmm, y'know, I'm glad I changed this drastically. THIS LOOKED SO UNINSPIRED AND CRAPPY! ...But enough of my old man rantings. Hope y'all enjoyed this vastly improved version! Time to fix up any other missing, unneccessary plotholes!