Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: Yep, last commercial, now and forever. Or it would be the last, had I not stuffed everything here. But yeah, it's the last commercial I'll ever write for Yoshi Kart as of this writing, as if it even matters. Pretty saddening, come to think of it. But oh well, the show must go on! Also, in an effort to actually make this fanfic, well a proper fanfic and not a clusterfuck, I pretty much combined all of them together. And I added some new material to help make it fresh. I bet you that, as usual, this chapter is going to go unnoticed, but eh, what can you do? I already got all the number of views I'll ever need in a lifetime. You guys are welcome. Enjoy. I'm gonna go get some McDonald's for Christmas.
Yoshi rubbed the back of his head as he walked up to Master Hand. "Why are we doing this again?" He asked in a rather annoyed manner., still rubbing
Master Hand laughed as he patted Yoshi on the head. "Ohohoho, my dear lizard boy! It's because..." He took a moment to think. "We get advertising! Yeah!"
Yoshi narrowed his eyes. "This is just because it's easy to make crap up to pad out the story for words." He muttered loudly.
Master Hand flickered as he started sobbing quietly. "Oh, how true it is! How did you know?"
Yoshi folded his arms as he rolled his eyes. "It's pretty obvious considering some of these chapters don't even have names."
Silence. Master Hand stopped sobbing as he controlled himself, with Yoshi still questioning him.
"Well, let's get this trainwreck started." Master Hand commented as he snapped his fingers together, sighing as he shook himself... how is that even possible.
"Let's go racing in Super Yoshi Kart fun car MADNESS!" yelled the highly excitable announcer., as "IT"s MADNESS!" flashed on screen, causing children to have seizures.
"Turn the track into a giant MUD PIT! Burn rubber on ICE! Murder asphalt! IT'S WILD!"
As this was said, Donkey Kong put mud on the track, Link got a fire arrow and shot tires at the South Pole, and Boshi who was with Link "Burnt Ice" and smoked it. Mario and Luigi had guns and were shooting the asphalt, and also as's. All this happened as IT'S WILD! Flashed on screen, giving more kids seizures.
"Mix it up with da BIG BOYZ! See Bowser in his Big-foot-thumping TRUCK!"
Bowser, Donkey Kong, King DeDeDe and Ridley, all in Gantsa attire brag about their bling bling, as Bowser's Pimped out truck started doing that cool whell bouncing thing, all while leaving a bad influence on the kids.
"See Yoshi's GO-KART really GO!"
Yoshi's over powerful kart went straight to the moon, as "GO" flashed onscreen, yet again causing more seizures.
"Mushrooms! Banana Peels! TURTLE SHELLS!
Mario smoked some "Magic Shrooms" as Donkey Kong littered Banana peels and the others killed innocent Koopa's for the Ivory Shells.
"DYN-O-MITE!"
The next scene has everyone pull out explosives, leaving more bad influences on kids.
"Check your rear-veiw mirror and make 'em eat DURST! (Dust+Dirt) OR go into battle mode and RUIN HIS DAY!"
We see Wario looking at his rear veiw mirror in his kart, as he chucks dirt and dust at Mario, which Mario eats., mire bad influences on kids.
We then see Boshi ruffing up on Toad, who has lost his wife, kids, got fired, lost the house and now has his day UTTERLY ruined.
"Two speeds, FAST, and WAY TOO FAST!"
We see Luigi going FAST, and he crashes into a wall, full speed, the explosion killing Lots and Lots of Jets and Planes and people.
We then see Yoshi going way to fast and he disintegrates. Bad influences on kids, AGAIN.
"It's two Player Fun on the SPLIT SCREEN!"
Link destroys a TV by cutting it in half. WITH A CHAIN SAW.
"Only for the Super Nintendo Entertainment System! Now your playing with power.."
Mario punches the eath, and it explodes.
"SUPER POWER!"
We can see Bowser and Pikachu fishing on the Planet Express. Why? DON'T ASK. It's just a stupid commercial.
That's trying to get a cheap laugh.
LIke a brick! (Oh lord, that was terrible...)
"Hey, Pikachu, check out my laser-guided fishing rod!" Bowser shouts, throwing his high-tech fishing rod into the ocean.
"Quiet, Bowser, you're scaring away the fish." Pikachu hissed, throwing his basic rod into the water.
Bowser shrugged. "Fine. I'll head over to the other side."He leans over the side of the ship. "Good luck fishing on this side!"/p
As a result, all of the fish on Pikachu's side come over to Bowser's side.
"THANKS, BOWSER." Pikachu sarcastically said.
Bowser chuckles as he walks away and Pikachu casts his line.
"I can hit a fish between the eyes from 20 yards!" Pikachu gloats.
Bowser roles his eyes. "Oh, yeah? I can hit a shrimp!"
Pikachu laughed his head off. "A shrimp?" Bowser's laser guide appears between Pikachu's eyes as Pikachu continues aughing. "I find it a bit hard to believe that-"
Bowser's line hits Pikachu between the eyes and knocks him over.
The moral of this stupid, cheap ass commercial? Don't laugh or mock others while fishing.
And don't scare away the fish by shouting, either. And use the Planet Express for all your needs.
"BE REAL! BE YOURSELF!" Mario exclaimed.
"NEW! IT'S NINTENDO'S MARIO SODA!" Shouted an anonymous and annoying announcer, "THE WORST-TASTNG SODA ON THE BLOCK, STARRING EVERYONE'S FAVORITE CHARACTER OF ALL TIME! AND ONLY 1 CENT, WITH LESS PROTEINS AND VITAMINS!"
"It's no good for your tummy!" May exclaimed, as she burped loudly, which killed Max.
"ZOMFG, DUDE, YOU KILLED MAX!" Ash Ketchum exclaimed.
Pikachu was aghast. "NOOOO-"
Darth Vader cut Pikachu short by using his Force choke on Pikachu.
"AND NOW, YOU CAN GET SUED BY 20th CENTURY FOX AND LUCASARTS WHEN YOU USE DARTH VADER'S TRADEMARK 'NO!' LINE!" The announcer shouted with glee.
Peach farted, and the announcer died.
ThumbsUpMaster pointed out how bad those last sentences were, especially the one about Peach.
Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus was sued 1,000,000 Mumbo Tokens for stealing feathers from endangered birds.
No one liked this commercial.
Silence ensued.
Crickets chirped.
Mario, Nintendo, and some other soda-related company went in bankruptcy after Mario Soda turned out to be the largest flop on the market.
The cameramen died and hadmultiple heart attacks.
Donkey Kong sued Nintendo for not featuring him.
Luigi left Nintendo and was brought by Microsoft to be a part of the Rare Ltd. team.
Sony lost its place as #1 in the videogame industry, because the PS3 flopped.
SEGA and Sonic Team went out of business, because Sonic the Hedgehog and the gang sued them for not being treated with respect.
Link decided to kill Zelda after rescuing her everytime.
Midna and Link's wolf form formed a rap band with Sora and Goofy, and became 'Da Keengdumb Hartz'.
The commercial failed, and it never aired again.
A fine day in... Seaside Hill. Yes. Anyway, Yoshi came running up to Mario, who was doing absolutely nothing.
"Yoshi! Don't-a run so fast! You'll hit-a me!" Mario shouted.
"Hey Mario! Knock Knock!" Yoshi blurted.
Mario scratched his head. "Who's there-a, Yoshi?"
"Pie."
"Pie who, Yoshi?"
Yoshi laughed. "I'm going to PIE you in the face, Mario!"
Yoshi throws a banana cream pie at Mario, and Mario becomes enraged.
"WHY DID YOU THROW A FREAKIN' BANANA CREAM PIE AT ME?!" The red plumber angrily shouted, steam coming out of his ears.
Yoshi laughed. "It's all a part of my new story, Yoshi Kart."
Mario sighs, wiping the banana cream pie off of his face with a napkin. "That STILL doesn't explain why you threw a pie at me." He asked.
Yoshi shrugged, smiling. "I don't care, cuz i'm happy either way." He remarked with a stupid, dang ass grin.
Mario's jaw dropped. "What? Why would you be happy if you didn't throw a pie at me?" He asked yet again.
Yoshi's eyes gleamed up. "Because real talk? I legitimately just saved a bunch of money on Kart insurance by switching to Geico(TM)!" He exclaimed, tying in the Game Grumps in a shameless way.
Mario was dumbfounded while Yoshi looked at this guy, being like ech. But they missed the entire point. D'oh they missed the point, indeed.
Yoshi stretched his arms as he let out a yawn. "So, you think anyone will notice these new bits featuring us, or will they skim it over?"
"Skim over, most likely." Master Hand commented on as he somehow was drinking coffee.
Yoshi sighed as he shook his head. "Then it's a major waste for the author to be wasting him time on writing this! I don't think anyone minds if he leaves all this stuff in unedited, let alone care!"
Master Hand sighed as he place down his white mug of coffee. "Look, be happy that we're getting some sort of character development through this shit, let alone extra free screen time."
Silver The Hedgehog approaching Yoshi and Master Hand, holding ten boxes of pepperoni pizzas in his hands.
"I take it that this is a bad time to deliver you guys pizzas..." Silver commented as he noticed the stupid commercials playing.
Yoshi and Master Hand nodded in response to Silver, who shrugged as he headed upstairs to do some pizza delivery. Hey, we gotta tie into a vastly superior fanfic of mine somehow.
The cameras turned on, and four of the Super Smash Brothers stood up in a McDonald's, all dressed up in costumes of McDonald's foods.
Yoshi, dressed up as a Big Mac burger, cleared his throat and started loudly, "Oooh, McDonald's! McDonald's, donald's, donald's! The best damn food around! Oooh, McDonald's! McDonald's, donald's, donald's, your better lasting than Burger King and you sure do it proud!"
Pikachu was next. "How about those fat Americans, they eat McDonald's all the time! It's because of their no good eating habits, that McDonald's is charged for a criiiime!"
Ness, wearing a Chicken McNuggets costume, was next up, and he sang in a high-pitched voice (surprisingly), "Because McDonald's is evil, but not that much. When you pay it up, you get a tray of muuuush!"
"Oooh McDonald's, McDonald's, donald's, donald's, you sure do have great treats, it's like all you can eat!" Yoshi, Pikachu, and Ness sang in a triplet, "Oooh McDonald's, McDonald's, donald's, donald's, with all of these foods are great, it's no wonder you stay open late! McDonaaaaaaald's! McDonald's!"
Captain Falcon, in a large soda costume, was the last Smasher to go. "McDonald's," He announced proudly, grinning. "The place where they don't count how many times your burger has been on the floor."
"And that's a wrap!" Announced loudly the director, as he had a heart attack and fell down on one of the cameras, breaking it.
Silence. All of the cameraman and the Super Smash Brothers characters gasped in horror.
"Errrrr... cut the camera!" Pikachu shouted, as he ran up to the camera and shut it off.
"Yoshi Kart, Yoshi Kart, YOSHI KART!" A random, very hyper male announcer boomed as several racers zoomed on the computer-generated racecourse, "The fastest, most action-packed racing you'll EVER see! See racers conflict with each other, see exploding tires, see the whole emphasis on the word 'racing'!"
Yoshi looks to his right and rams Pikachu into the sidelines. Peppy comes from behind and jumps over Yoshi, landing in front of the green Yoshisaurus. As they turn right, Yoshi grabs a green Koopa shell and tosses it at Peppy, causing the yellow Ankylosaurus to spin out of control and crash into Dr. Hoshi, who's sent soaring out of his purple kart and crashes through the announcers' booth.
"See the most INTENSE of action that no other race will provide!"
Bowser releases a powerful blast of fire at Ash Ketchum, who turns to the right and orders Corphish to fire several bubbles to extinguish the fire. Ganondorf then appears next to Ash and punches at his B-Dasher, causing the Pokemon Trainer to crash onto the sidelines. Ganondorf chuckles, but he then spins out of control and screams as he crashes into the audience seats. Donkey Kong laughs and turns to the left, punching at Princess Peach and thrusting his yellow kart forward.
"Only in Dinosaur Land! Don't miss out on Yoshi Kart, the CRAZIEST RACE TO EVER EXIST!111SHITONEKEYLAWLSZOMGWTF!" The random hyper male announcer was then knocked unconscious by two Kritters, who dragged him out of the scene.
Bowser is seen holding a bright, orange box. He smiles. "Want to get a premium kart for free? With engines fully charged up and ready to go?"
"YEEEESSS!" The audience eerily chanted, rushing towards Bowser and trying to grab the orange box.
Bowser chuckled, and he burned the audience away with his powerful blast of fiery breath. "Sorry folks, but you have to be a part of the Yoshi Kart grand prix in order to get this box."
"Oooh! Oooh!" Young Link raised his hand, hopping up and down eagerly. 'I'm a racer! Can I have it, pleeeeeease?" He ran up to Bowser and did his cute, puppy eyes.
Bowser cooed, and he handed Young Link the bright orange box. "Here you go, son. have fun." He smiled and patted Young Link on the head.
Young Link giggled, and he ran off to enjoy his brand new premium kart.
Bowser chuckled and turned around to the camera, waving. "Your own premium kart for free with engines fully charge up and ready to go. Only at the Yoshi Kart Grand Prix, the Wonder Fields, Dinosaur Land, 73952." And with that, the King of the Koopas walked out of the scene.
Yoshi, Boshi, Peppy Ankylosaurus, and Heppy Ankylosaurus are all holding hands together. They sing merrily, until Boshi kicks Yoshi in the stomach. Heppy bites into Peppy's right arm, and he punches his younger brother in the face. Yoshi starts to run from a distance and starts firing eggs at Boshi, impaling the blue-colored Yoshisaurus.
As the four dinosaurs fight each other, Dr. Hoshi pops up to the screen. "Something has gone wrong in the peaceful word of Dinosaur Land...it's Yoshi Kart!" The highly intelligent purple Yoshisaurus points at a racecourse nearby, with several racers zooming by. "The craziest and zaniest race to ever exist! Over one hundred racers race for the sheer thrill of racing and to win big! Only in Dinosaur Land!" With that, he runs off the screen.
Heppy whacks Peppy in the head with a hammer. Peppy falls back on the soft green grass, knocked unconscious as several Nintendo 64 logos go around his head. Boshi burns Yoshi with a fire flower, the green Yoshisaurus screaming in pain from the mighty flames
Peach steers carefully in her pink kart. Birdo comes up from behind in her pink hovercraft, and she jumps over Peach. Birdo then tosses behind a green Koopa shell, which collides into Peach's kart and causes her to crash into the sidelines.
"Yoshi Kart! The biggest and most action-packed racing you'll EVER see!" Mario announced, wearing strange announcing clothes, "These commercials are short and not very thought out because they are used to stall your time and easily trick you into watching the race because you have watched a stupid little commercial that wasted your time, but-"
As he was about to finish, Mario was impaled in the head by Ganondorf, who fell from his crashed Gerudo King. Passing in the background of the announcing booth and turning right on the racecourse were Bowser and Pikachu, trying to ram each other off.
Luigi quickly ran into the announcers' booth and placed the announcing clothes on him. "Well that's it for this commercial, I hope that you folks out there enjoy the first annual Yoshi Kart grand prix!" The green plumber then ran off, falling on his face as he headed for the exit.
Yoshi squinted as he turned to Master Hand. "Dude, these commercials suck."
"Of course they do!" Master Hand snapped as he slapped Yoshi across the back of his head. "But the author doesn't want to can them even though they suck! They add content and increase the word count!"
"Like this stupid chapter," Peppy Ankylosaurus muttered in the background as he walked by, munching on some lettuce he borrowed from behind the counter.
Master Hand ignored him as he snapped his own fingertips. "Whatever. Continue the commercials!"
"Do we HAVE to do this?" Mario moaned as he muttered to Sonic, the pair wearing racing outfits.
"Afraid so," Sonic shrugged, "but they said if we do this, we'd get an extra paycheck."
"Shush, you two." Master Hand stated as he cleared his throat, "Yoshi Kart, where ANYTHING can happen. Just watch these two!"
Luigi and Shadow both respectively pulled into the pitstop as Mario and Sonic began working on their vehicles.
"Luigi, don't ask, just go with the flow," Mario muttered quietly as he quickly took out the old tires.
Sonic quickly put on brand new tires, which didn't take him too long, because of his speed, and Luigi and Shadow were all set to go.
"And look at that!" Master Hand stated as pelicans suddenly flew overhead, spitting out fish at him and Mario and Sonic. "Ahhh! Damn birds!"
"Mamma mia!" Mario cried out as he fired several red fireballs at the Pelicans, causing them to fly away as he sulked in disgust. "Ugh... fish..."
Sonic, likewise, used his blue tornado technique to throw the pelicans far into the horizon. "Phew!" He crinkled his nose at the fishy smell.
"FISH!" Big and Blaze suddenly leapt out of the bushes, snatching up as much fish as they could, before running off.
Then, suddenly, the Angry Video Game Nerd popped up. "This commercial is ASS! It fucking sucks, it sucking fucks! ...and I don't like it."
"Okay, who let the Angry Video Game Nerd on the set?" Crazy Hand asked, looking around angrily for suspects.
"This is embarrassing," Mario muttered to Sonic as the commercial quickly faded away.
"So bored... so, so bored..." Daisy yawned as she sighed, looking out her window. "I wanna do something!"
Suddenly, the entire mansion began to shake, and BAM! Daisy was knocked back by Waluigi, who was in the Flame Flyer as he turned to face her.
"Wa ha ha! Then why don't you come on in for a nice race or two?" Waluigi asked as he grinned, winking at Daisy.
Daisy squealed with delight as she ripped her yellow dress, revealing her jumpsuit as she hopped on her nearby Mach Bike and raced out of the room, heading down the hallway as she and Waluigi ran over several of the other characters. The twosome then started driving down the stairs, feeling bumpy as they turned to the right and continued heading down the stairs.
"It just ain't going to be waiting for long!" Master Hand stated as she spoke through the speakerphones, "The Yoshi Kart Grand Prix is now open for anyone 6 to older! Come join in the craziness and let it refresh your body and spirits!"
As he finished this, Daisy and Waluigi both zoomed out of the hotel, breaking through the stain glass door that welcomed in the characters.
"Yoshi Kart, the only place where the craziest things can happen in a race since Mario Kart!" Master Hand stated as he pointed at the action that was ensuing.
Yoshi quickly used a fishing rod he pulled out of his ass (literally, and painful at that) and used it to grab Pikachu's yellow-colored kart by the railings, pulling it in as Pikachu tried swerving to the left and right to get Yoshi off his tail. Pikachu then turned left, heading straight into the shrubs while Dr. Hoshi turned to the right, causing Yoshi to fall off the Turbo Yoshi and follow Pikachu on his belly, feeling the rough terrain damage his body as he moaned and yelped in pain. Dr. Hoshi pushed Mario and Luigi into the lake nearby as he turned right, looking behind him to see Yoshi was not there. Waluigi then came bursting out of nowhere, laughing as he kicked Dr. Hoshi into Bowser, enraging the Koopa King, who squashed Waluigi with the newly acquired Mega Mushroom he stole from the rainbow-colored Item Box, laughing as he zoomed off, taking the lead with ease as Dr. Hoshi carefully followed behind Bowser.
"And that's just the beginning!" Master Hand stated with enthusiasm as he was then squashed by a Thwomp, accidentally let loose on the set as Master Hand went crazy and began zapping everything, burning the entire stadium by accident as he made the Thwomp disappear.
"Hold on," Yoshi interrupted as he pointed at the screen, "This commercial is interesting."
Master Hand floated about as he stared blankly at Yoshi. "And why, dare I ask?"
"You'll see." Yoshi remarked as he started munching on a yellow bowl of buttery popcorn.
Yoshizilla: Well... here it is, the 250th chapter at long last. Though I didn't actually plan to have these extra, seemingly pointless commercial chapters be in place, but since I wanted to have Yoshi Kart expanded further and keep its crown as the largest fanfic in the Super Smash Brothers category, I have decided to do this, no matter how short or quirky it is. So with that said and done, enjoy the last commercial, ladies and gentlemen, number twenty!
Yoshi is placing in and out the wheels for the Turbo Yoshi, placing new ones in the spots where the old tires were. Dr. Hoshi is changing the oil tank. Toad then pops into the garage room.
"What'cha guys doin'?" Toad asked curiously, smiling innocently.
Yoshi turned to face Toad. "Oh, well, we're just placing in new tires and tuning up the engine for the grand prix." He glanced towards Dr. Hoshi. "Isn't that right, doc?"
Dr. Hoshi nodded, and he continued to tune up the engine tank. Toad grinned, and he skipped away, hoping into his blue-colored kart and taking off. Master Hand then appears in a poof of white smoke.
"Yoshi Kart may be hectic and crazy on the road, but you can still have the peaceful time and place to fix up before you go off again," Master Hand explained to the camera, smiling even though he had no mouth whatsoever, "We have plenty of fixing stations supplanted all over the racecourses in Dinosaur Land, and we also have shops set up for those who are looking for supplies to help them during the race. So don't hesitate and come down to Dinosaur Land right away, to participate in Yoshi Kart!" And with that, he poofed out, leaving Yoshi and Dr. Hoshi behind, as they continued to fix up their Turbo Yoshi with ease.
"...250 chapters? Crown Yoshi Kart as the largest fanfic in Super Smash Bros?" Master Hand stated as he floated about. "Yeah, this is definitely an interesting one, even if it's outdated."
"And there's still plenty of chapters, yeah?" Yoshi remarked as he folded his arms. "Seems kind of weak considering that Life At Pizza Hut has over 500 chapters now. But still, it seems like these commercials are endless."
Master Hand sighed as he continued watching the giant screen. "Yeah, that's kind of the point of this whole chapter. To get through all these stupid commercials. We'll just have to stomach it." He remarked as the next commercial immediately played.
"Yoshi Kart, the only place where the craziest things can happen in a race since Mario Kart!" Master Hand stated as he pointed at the action that was ensuing.
Yoshi, Dr. Hoshi, and the other eight Yoshi Kart racers (plus Mario, Luigi, Bowser, Pikachu, Toad, Sonic, Shadow, and Waluigi) were all surprisingly doing a musical number, dancing to the beat of a usual used theme you'd normally hear in old cartoons. They all began to spin around as they karts, which were brougth to life by Master Hand's magic, joined them, spinning along as penguins came out of nowhere and began singing, the voices being loud enough to cause everyone to race away. The racers looked at each other, and began laughing their heads off.
"WHO'S IDEA WAS TO PUT A MUSICAL NUMBER IN A COMMERCIAL!?" Master Hand snapped as several buckets filled with cockroaches knocked him out unconscious, causing the karts to dance on top of him, much to Crazy Hand's amusement.
Yoshi and Pikachu are both standing next to each other. They look at each other, and smile, until suddenly Mario jumps over them in his Red Fire vehicle, bouncing down on the ground. Yoshi and Pikachu then run off and go into their own, small karts. They both zoom after Mario.
"Want a racing experience that's not like any other?" Asked the announcer, announcing, "Then come to Dinosaur Land, to watch - and compete - in Yoshi Kart, the most action-packed race in the history of racing!"
Mario turns to the right and jumps over a small ramp, but he is pushed into the river by Donkey Kong, blasting away in his yellow kart. The burly ape grabs a banana, eats it, and tosses the peel behind as he turns left upwards, with Epona slipping on the peel, causing Link and Samus to crash on the ground.
Pikachu then starts to charge up electricity, and he fires a bolt of electricity at Yoshi and Kirby, frying them. The yellow mouse Pokemon turns right, but he is burned by intense flames from Bowser, who rams Jigglypuff and Mr. Game-And-Watch into the wall. In the background, Diddy Kong is flying in his small yellow plane, but he is bombed and crashes into the ground. King K. Rool and his brothers laugh as they pass by in the Flying Krock.
"You want hot, racing action? Then come to the only action-packed race in the UNIVERSE where you can compete through dense forest, tropical islands, hot deserts, icy glaciers, fiery volcanos, gigantic plains, technology-enduced cities, and more! Yoshi Kart, the most action-packed race there is!" The announcer announced, disappearing as the racers zoomed on the racecourse and turned right.
Yoshi was zooming away in the Turbo Yoshi, with Dr. Hoshi holding onto the railings. As the green Yoshisaurus steers the vehicle to the right and goes over several small bumps on the dirt-paved road, a white-colored Sandbag plops onto the ground.
"What the?" Yoshi said in disbelief as he stopped the Turbo Yoshi and ran towards the Sandbag, observing it. "Why is the Sandbag here?"
Dr. Hoshi adjusted his light blue glasses. "Well, I'm pretty sure that Sakurai is behind all this. After all, he IS behind Super Smash Brothers Brawl, and-" He couldn't finish, for he was knocked out by Yoshi, who in turn was knocked out by the Sandbag.
The Sandbag then turned around, to face the camera. "Buy Super Smash Brothers Brawl now and whack the stuffing out of me! DO IT..." His black, seemingly lifeless eyes then turned into an eerie red. "Or else you will DIE..."
"Just a warning: This is one dang ass long paragraph," Master Hand pinpointed to Yoshi, who nearly choked on his hotdog.
"Just what I need to know!" Yoshi gasped as he spat the hotdog out, taking deep breaths in and out as he tried breathing normally.
Yoshi, Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach, Toad, Donkey Kong, Wario, Bowser, Diddy Kong, Pikachu, Kirby, and Meta Knight were all racing around a pleasantly peaceful meadow, all of them in color oriented karts. As Yoshi turns to the right and falls into the river, Peach grabs a red shell and tosses it at Luigi, who bobs on the road. Bowser jumps over Wario and fires his fiery breath at Diddy Kong, who tosses a banana peel towards Toad, who slips on it and spins around, crashing into several mushrooms. Mario, Pikachu, and Kirby all zoom by as they bump with each other, the three Smashers sliding on the wide right bend as they head uphill. Kirby inhales Pikachu, and he then swerves to the right, spitting Pikachu right at Mario, who repels the yellow electrical mouse Pokemon with his yellow-colored cape, watching Pikachu and Kirby crash off course as he bounces his red-colored kart up the hill and turns to the left, before swerving around the right bend and then turning to the left again. Luigi can be seen catching up as Wario uses his Wario Waft to propel his kart forwards. Peach screams as Donkey Kong tries to look under her dress, while Diddy Kong teases Meta Knight and swerves to the left and right. As Meta Knight keeps his cool, Yoshi comes back, using the invincible power of the star to gain speed and pass through all the other racers with style as Bowser follows along. It is then that the racing stops, and Master Hand appears towards the camera screen, pointing at you, the viewers.
"Come and see Yoshi Kart in all it's glory, with your favorites like King DeDeDe, Mewtwo, Ganondorf, Waluigi, Popo, Mr. Game-and-Watch, and many, many more!" He shouted as he was then pelted with several food objects from a horde of Waddle Dees that suddenly appeared, led by a lone, sword-wielding Waddle Doo.
Yoshi can be seen trying to play Mario Kart 64 as himself, but he keeps messing up on the Choco Mountain track. Yoshi screams as he tosses the Nintendo 64 controller into the television set. Dr. Hoshi enters into the room. "
"Having a bit of bad luck, eh Yoshi?" Dr. Hoshi chuckled as he sipped his coffee, and exited the room.
Yoshi growled, and he placed his face into the television set s he continuously pressed the A and B buttons. "Come on... come on... Awww man!" He moaned as in the game, a CPU Donkey Kong knocked Yoshi into the lake, and caused him to be behind more.
"Trouble with Mario Kart, huh Yoshi?" Master Hand chuckled as he then turned to the camera and stated, "Be sure to check out more racing mayhem on Yoshi Kart, where ANYTHING can happen, just like in Mario Kart 64 here."
"And I STILL can't beat it!" Yoshi growled angrily as he slammed his head on the wall several times after placing eight in the game, tossing the controller at the tv screen. "Stupid friggin' rubberbanding AI bullshit!"
Yoshi can be seen getting flattened by several karts, hovercrafts, planes, and F-ZERO machines as he tries to get up, but fails. He moans in pain when Master Hand appears out of nowhere and zaps Yoshi back to normal, pointing at the camera.
Another rushed commercial that lasts under a minute... Yoshi thought to himself as he stated, looking quickly at the script handed to him, "Oh, thanks for that, Master Hand, I surely needed it!"
Master Hand laughed, and he patted Yoshi on the back. "of course, my dear Yoshisaurus! After all, you certainly need your strength for the grand prix." He then turned to the camera. "And what's better about Yoshi Kart, Masahiro Sakurai is supporting this via Super Smash Brothers Brawl! Isn't that great news, everyone!?" He grinned meekly, while Yoshi dropped the script.
"You know what? Screw this, I'm going back to racing," Yoshi stated out loud as he hopped into the Turbo Yoshi and took off, leaving a disgruntled Master Hand behind.
"Cut that damn four chaos emerald... ech, I mean camera..." Master Hand growled as he disappeared in a puff of white smoke.
Zooming. Thrusting. Speeding. Racing. That is what karts were all about, and how they always served a great purpose as the greatest method of racing in races. Of course, practically every racer who has entered into the Yoshi Kart Grand Prixs have already known this little fact, and it was quite satisfactory.
In the middle of Dinosaur Land, within the southwestern part of the entire Nintendo world, these large races take place among the likes of areas like the Sauropod Forest, the Birdo Mountains, and Yoshi Island. And there has never been doubt that anything could happen on the racecourse.
Items, obstacles, traps... you name it. It is bound to exist anywhere. Just pick a location and you got it. There's just no topping those in such regards. And only in Dinosaur Land can you use, experience, and counter against the best of weapons...
Yoshi Kart. Watch it. Join it. Experience it.
Yoshi can be seen trying to move his Turbo Yoshi out of the mud, while other racers like Pikachu, Toad, and Kirby pass by the green Yoshisaurus. As Yoshi gets hit in the face by mud, he shakes his head and fumes as he continues to try to move the vehicle out. It is then that Masahiro Sakurai appears out of nowhere.
"Hello, young dinosaur!" Sakurai said with a smile, bending down, "Do you need some help on how you could get your vehicle out?"
Yoshi turned to Sakurai, and he nodded. He obviously wasn't doing so well.
Sakurai grinned. "Then I just have the weapon for you... BEHOLD!" He took out a red-and-white colored bomb, which was from the Star Fox universe and called a Smart Bomb. "Here. Use this to get your car out of there in a jiffy." Grinning sinisterly, he suddenly disappeared in the shadows.
Yoshi blinked, and he shrugged, turning around and using the smart bomb handed to him by Sakurai. Unfortunately, he and the Turbo Yoshi were blown up by the explosion, and Yoshi, covered in ashes, fell backwards in the mud, moaning in pain as his vehicle was totaled and more vehicles passed by.
YOSHI KART. Join it. Race it. Experience it.
"Holy jump gaps, Batman!" Yoshi exclaimed as he shook his head. "These paragraphs aren't formatted, are they?"
Master Hand punched Yoshi in the stomach. "Just shut up and watch all these damn commercials! We're halfway there!"
Yoshi groaned as he rubbed his stomach in pain, tossing a few green and white spotted Yoshi Eggs at Master Hand in response, who flinched from impact of the eggs cracking.
Yoshi and Dr. Hoshi were neck-to-neck with Mario and Luigi, the Turbo Yoshi and the Red Fire bumping into each other as they slid towards the right of the beach course. As Mario grabs a red fireball and chucks it at Yoshi, Dr. Hoshi takes out his purple lightsaber out from his white lab coat and slashes it in half, causing Luigi to steer the Red Fire into the water. Yoshi and Dr. Hoshi give each other a high five as they zoom off.
"Why are these racers going at each other like carnivorous animals?" Master Hand explained, his voice echoing through the beach racecourse, "It's because it's the first annual Yoshi Kart grand prix! Grab a friend, grab a relative, come down and watch the craziest race on Earth, or for that matter, the ENTIRE UNIVERSE!"
As Master Hand's voice disappeared, Princess Peach came driving by in her Heart Coach with her three fellow companions in the back, while Bowser and his group of heavyweights arrived in his Koopa Klown Kar. Peach gasped as Bowser launched a Bullet Bill towards her, and the Heart Coach exploded. Bowser, Donkey Kong, Wario, Mewtwo, and Ganondorf all chuckled as they flew off towards the northeastern direction.
Screeech! Crash! Boom! Pow! Zooom! Vrrroooom! Honk, honk! Zippity zoop! As the racers try and pass each other and gain the lead, Crazy Hand comes towards the top, with Yoshi and Dr. Hoshi swiftly following in the Turbo Yoshi, which Yoshi has started to dub the 'Yoshi Mobile'.
"Come on, doc! We gotta catch up to him!" Yoshi shouted as he performed a power slide towards the right, heading downward the volcanic path as Crazy Hand turned around and started shooting blue-colored lightning bolts at him and Dr. Hoshi.
Dr. Hoshi yelped. "Yah! I don't know why Master Hand decided to have us do these commercials. They seem pointless!" As soon as he finished, he was zapped by Crazy hand's lightning.
Crazy Hand cackled, crazily of course. "Few ha ho ha ho ha! You fools will never realize how crazy this race can get...!" He then turned to the Lakitu holding the camera, looking right into the camera and towards the viewers like you. "And that's not all! Courteous of our fellow Harryhausen Hoshi, you can get free driving lessons before races! So enter while you can, because you will not want to miss this!" He then was smacked by a green-spotted egg from Yoshi, causing him to crash into the volcano wall, and screaming in agony as red hot magma started to pour down on him.
Yoshi and Dr. Hoshi both laughed as they zoomed past by, leaving poor Crazy Hand to burn as the other racers followed suit.
Welcome to Yoshi Kart.
Mario yawned as he poured himself some cereal, wondering what he was going to do today. Suddenly, the wall behind him exploded as he was blasted by an explosion and sent soaring in the sky, looking down to see Waluigi in the Honeycoupe zooming by as Yoshi grabbed the red-capped plumber with his long tongue, tossing him into the adjacent Red Fire.
"Expecting a calm breakfast?" Master Hand announced over the scene, "Too bad! It's Yoshi Kart time, and all your favorite racers are competing for the gold! Watch them race, watch them tore, watch them make stomachs roar! It's Yoshi Kart! Come and participate, before it's too late!"
As Master Hand finished, Bowser crashed through the wooden table, breaking it as he then grabbed the refrigerator and chucked it at the roof, causing Mario's entire wooden house to collapse on itself.
"Yoshi Kart, the only place where the craziest things can happen in a race since Mario Kart!" Master Hand stated as he pointed at the action that was ensuing.
Yoshi was about to get into his Turbo Yoshi kart, when it exploded on him, sending him soaring upwards. All of the other karts nearby exploded in the same fashion, sending all the racers upward into the air as well.
Master Hand flopped to the ground, turning around and sighing as Crazy Hand began playing the trumpet, proposing a moment of silence from everyone as all the racers came crashing down, moaning in pain as they could barely move.
"Damn it! Did I miss the fun?" Godzilla asked as he came back from the pool, a bag of McDonald's in his right hand.
Everyone then had a jolly good laugh, not realizing that they completely ruined the commercial.
"Yoshi Kart, the only place where the craziest things can happen in a race since Mario Kart!" Master Hand stated as he pointed at the action that was ensuing.
Dr. Hoshi drove the Turbo Yoshi as Yoshi was tossing his Yoshi Eggs at Mario in the Red Fire behind him, who was using his red-colored baseball bat to whack them back at the Yoshisaurus duo, bobbing them over as Luigi drove past them. Yoshi then used his long red tongue to grab the back of the Red Fire, and pulled the vehicle towards him as Mario then tossed a Bo-Bomb behind, sending both into the air. Waluigi passed by and laughed at then as he made a sharp left turn followed by a left bend around the mountain, ramming King DeDeDe into the rocky wall as he pulled out his whip and whupped up the limousine. King DeDeDe protested and grabbed his giant mallet, swinging it down on Waluigi and busting up his Waluigi Racer. Bowser then came right behind the two and burned them with his fiery breath, chucking his gigantic Bowser Shell at the two racers as he past with ease, laughing.
Master Hand growled as he became impatient, thinking of what to do about the situation.
"Fine," Master Hand decided as he snapped his fingers together, "I'll just use this line for the rest of the commercials!"
The audience blinked in confusion as Master Hand cleared his throat again.
"Yoshi Kart, the only place where the craziest things can happen in a race since Mario Kart!" Master Hand stated as he pointed at the action that was ensuing.
Yoshi came racing by in his Turbo Yoshi, being blasted by bolts of electricity from Pikachu, who was being chased by an angry Chain Chomp. Mario and Luigi both chucked their red and green fireballs at Yoshi as Dr. Hoshi tried his best to protect their hide, being pushed aside by Bowser, who was riding in the Koopa King.
"Yoshi Kart, the only place where-" Master Hand suddenly got trampled over by Godzilla, who didn't notice he stepped on Master Hand.
"Hey, can I say something?" Yoshi asked as he raised his right hand.
Master Hand sighed as he turned to Yoshi. "Yes, Mr. Yoshi, what is it?"
"This chapter has over five thousand words." Yoshi commented as he placed his hands behind his back, "And while it's mostly old chapters that were too short to be their own chapters, it's also meshed by new, original content like this."
Master Hand was silent as he floated, staring blankly at Yoshi.
Yoshi meekly chuckled as he shrugged. "I'm just... pointing it out..."
Master Hand continued glancing oddly at Yoshi.
Yoshi coughed as he rubbed his right arm, looking down at the floor. "Well, this has over ten thousand words now... that's double..." He sighed as he closed his eyes. "I'll shut up now."
Master Hand sighed as he shook himself, focusing on the commercials that were still playing.
"Yoshi Kart, the only place where the craziest things can happen in a race since Mario Kart!" Master Hand stated as he pointed at the action that was ensuing.
A wild Chain Chomp was let loose as it began tearing apart all the racers, making Godzilla the only one to try and tame the beast. Surprisingly, even Godzilla had a hard time as the Chain Chomp dragged the King of the Monsters about, causing the race track to become deranged and little resembling what it was.
"Damn it," Master Hand cursed as he face palmed, being whacked away by Godzilla, who was being swung by the rampant Chain Chomp.
Taj sweatdropped as he rubbed the back of his head, grabbing the nearby camera and shouting into it, "Umm, Yoshi Kart, the only place where madness can ensue! As usual!"
"So, how many of these commercials are there left?" Yoshi asked as he yawned.
Master Hand chuckled as he patted Yoshi on the head. "You, you silly lizard! We still got a treasure trove of them left!"
Yoshi groaned as he dropped his arms, closing his eyes as he shook his head. "Ugh. Even when we get all of the commercials crammed into this chapter, Yoshi Kart will still be crammed with crap."
"Whatever do you mean?" Master Hand asked as he floated in the air, typically expected.
Yoshi folded his arms as he narrowed his eyes. "I mean that we still have plenty of crappy chapters that contain the same list of characters plastered for every friggin' chapter! Doesn't that urk you in the slightest?"
"...Not really." Master Hand sheepishly admitted as he moved his fingers about. "Then again, they were only there to increase the word count..."
Yoshi placed his hands on his hips angrily. "Well, you better fix it. If I see one more 'Moe, Lenny, and Carl' listed in a race when they're not even seen..."
Master Hand silenced Yoshi with a powerful dose of his magic as they continued watching the various boring commercials.
"Tired, tired, tired of your dull, dull life?" Master Hand stated as he pointed at a bored Pikachu, who sighed as he sat in his bed, reading a book. "Want to add some fufillment to your life...?"
Suddenly, to the Pikachu's surprise, the entire room started to shake, and then, BAM! Yoshi and Mario bursted through the roof in their Turbo Yoshi and Red Fire karts respectively, zooming down the stairs as the Pikachu watched in awe. Suddenly, the Pikachu was blasted into the air from a Bowser Shell tossed by Bowser, who was ramming karts with Waluigi, who left mines across the bedroom as the two headed downstairs.
"Then come join Yoshi Kart, where you can add explosive to your life!" Master Hand shouted as he popped up the Yoshi Kart logo and then disappeared, revealing the house being used as a racecourse by the racers.
Waluigi was seen tossing red shells at Shadow the Hedgehog, promptly turning around the sharp bend to the right on his Phantom Bike as he then began wheeling downhill. Shadow managed to shake off the shell and blast right towards Waluigi with his own motorcycle, swerving to the right and ramming the purple plumber as the two entered into a dark cave. Taking a turn towards the right, and then swerving around the left bend as a cave full of bats welcomed them, Waluigi grabbed a Bo-Bomb and chucked it behind him, the bright explosion causing the cave to shake as several rocks began falling down on the incoming racers. Daisy saw this and used her Mega Mushroom as quick as she could, turning big as she gained a bit of speed, while seducing the male racers behind her, much to her delight, as she then let out a large fart that blew the said male racers several feet back, the bats flying around all flopping to the ground due to the deadly gas.
"Strange things can happen in the middle of a race," Master Hand announced as he pointed at all the action going on, including Daisy squashing both Shadow and Waluigi, "But alas, for Yoshi Kart, this is absolutely normal! Got a feeling of pumped up? Get the thrill of seeing others suffer? Then come down to Yoshi Kart and have yourselves a race today!"
As he finished, everyone in the cave got lightning strucked by Dr. Eggman, who laughed as he took the lead from Waluigi and started ramming heads with Daisy in his egg pod.
"Help!" Godzilla yelped as he and the Chain Chomp both fell into the lake nearby, soaking EVERYONE wet.
"Yoshi Kart, the only place where the craziest things can happen in a race since Mario Kart!" Master Hand stated as he pointed at the action that was ensuing.
"STOP. LOADING. THE. SCREEN. SAVER. WHEN. I'M. DOING. A. COMMERCIAL!" Master Hand snapped as he then zapped his computer, breaking it.
Everyone remained silent as the racers then accidentally bursted right through the booth, knocking out Master Hand, Crazy Hand, Taj, and the recording Lakitus.
"Yoshi Kart, the only place where the craziest things can happen in a race since Mario Kart!" Master Hand stated as he pointed at the action that was ensuing.
"I'm gonna get you!" Yoshi shouted as he tossed a green Koopa shell at mario.
"Ha I don't think so," Mario retorted as he quickly replied with a red hot firwball, burning yoshi as the green Yoshisarus felll into a nearby pitfall.
"We're so evil!" Jessie, James, and Meowth all laughed as they zoomed by, being blasted off again by Bowser and his Bo-Bomb, who then tossed his gigantic Bowser Shell at Mario.
"Stupid pesky plumber!" Bowser laughed as he charcoiled Mario alive, pushing him off the cliff.
"Yoshi Kart, the only place where the craziest things can happen in a race since Mario Kart!" Master Hand stated as he pointed at the action that was ensuing.
Only Yoshi was there. he held a sign, which read "LAG SUCKS".
"Well... umm... err..." Master Hand stuttered, having been confused.
The Lakitu sighed as he and the others headed out to get some coffee.
"Yoshi Kart, the only place where the craziest things can happen in a race since Mario Kart!" Master Hand stated as he pointed at the action that was ensuing.
Yoshi and Dr. Hoshi both crashed into a lamppost, causing the electricity to electrocute everyone and everything nearby. The audience screamed as they ran off in horror, the stadium and hotel burning in a huge inferno.
Master Hand groaned again while Crazy Hand rescued Yoshi and Dr. Hoshi, before the three then got ran over by Waluigi, who had previously used a Mega Mushroom on himself as he laughed, terrorizing the area with ease.
"Yoshi Kart, the only place where the craziest things can happen in a race since Mario Kart!" Master Hand stated as he pointed at the action that was ensuing.
A big lipped alligator that was likely a crossdresser popped up out of nowhere, chucking everyone into the air as he began singing loudly, disturbing the audience beyond normal conditions.
Master Hand and Crazy Hand stared at each other.
"Talk about a Big Lipped Alligator Moment," They said in unison as they sighed, watching the big lipped alligator dancing around the area, flinging the racers like flies.
Master Hand sighed as he turned to Crazy Hand. "All right, Crazy. Make this commercial as CRAZY as possible. It doesn't matter what bullshit you pull out, just do it."
Crazy Hand started to cackle. "Consider it done..." He cracked his own fingers
The selected racers gulped as they prepared themselves for the crazy bullshit that was about to start. And yes, the Nostalgia Critic was still there, somehow winning his fight.
But the Angry Video Game Nerd wasn't going to dissapear THAT easily, as he sneaked back in.
"Why, nothing crazy happened yet!" Yoshi confirmed as he let out a sigh of relief.
"Until...NOW!" Crazy Hand snapped his fingers, staing true to his name, and group of streaking Koopa Troopas suddenly rushed by.
They were then followed by some conga lining goombas.
"Wait, how are streaking Koopas crazy?" Bowser commented as he scratched is head in confusion, "I see them all the time."
He turned around to see Donkey Kong and Ganondorf groping May and Princess Daisy.
Then suddenly a hurrican came blowing through... Hurrican IKE. "HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Suddenly, losta spaghetti began falling on the Nostalgia Critic, followed by Mario and Luigi doing a musical number with toast.
"Brick, we gotta do something!" Ash Ketchum shouted, before bursting into laughter, recieving an angry glance from Brock."Heh, heh! Brick! Get it?"
"Shut up, Ass Ketchup!" Brock retorted as he gave Ash a rocky wedgie, forcing ketchup down Ash's ass.
"Ike! Look out! You're gonna hit me!" Roy screamed as he and Marth were aether'd in an instant.
"...Whoops," Ike laughed sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head as thousands of fangirls started fawning over him.
"NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANYMORE!" Toad shouted as he jumped into Peach's panties. Sadly, this madness was getting to the Nostalgia Critic, too.
"...FUCK THIS COMMERCIAL!" Nostalgia Critic started firing at the random Mario enemies causing havoc.
Mario and Luigi both gasped as Princess Daisy farted loudly, causing the whole universe to collaspe on itself.
"WHO FARTED BY ZERO!" Master Hand shouted as he and Crazy Hand suddenly transformed into Superman and Batman.
Crazy Hand/Batman looked at himself. "AHHH! WHAT THE HELL!"
"Where's the bagel when you need it!" Donkey Kong shouted as he hid under a napkin.
"Can't believe they're doing ANOTHER fucking commercial," The Angry Video Game Nerd complained as he played around with his pen.
"Yeah, I know...who knows WHAT'S gonna happen now. Never had so many big lipped aligator moments in a row before," The Nostalgia Critic agreed, grabbing a glass full of alcohol and chugging it down as he placed back on his black cap.
"Trust me," Yoshi said to the Nostalgic Critic and Angry Video Game Nerd while holding his fanboyism in as he chuckled, "This happens all the time to us with Big Lipped Alligator Moments." He turned to face the camera and stared at it with a blank expression on his face. "ALL. THE. FRIGGIN'. TIME."
"We don't even know about some of the racers who joined," Mario added as he pointed at the list of OCs and other characters that weren't even actually used in the actual fanfic.
Master Hand was about to say something, but giant mutant bananas fell on him and began to sexually rape him, leading Crazy Hand to deal with the commercial.
"This commercial is HEAD banging," Donkey Kong punned as he and everyone else chuckled a bit.
"Can we please... go... to... next commercial..." Master Hand droned as he mutant bananas overcame him, leaving Crazy Hand by himself.
Crazy Hand turned to the camera, only to find the camera man passed out, drunk.
Master Hand was so overcome from the madness earlier that he was unable to talk for this commercial.
"So, umm, Yoshi Kart. Yeah, come to Yoshi Kart, where... uhhh..." Yoshi sweatdropped nervously, "I don't think I'm doing this right."
"You never do ANYTHING right," Boshi muttered to himself as he chuckled, receiving an angry glance from Yoshi.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Wario cackled as he raced by, farting.
Waluigi simply laughed out loud as he zipped by on the Flame Runner, tossing Bo-Bombs at everyone. Daisy came wheeling by on her Mach Bike, out farting Wario as a few racers behind her spun off of the road.
"God good!" Pikachu accidentally misplaced as he released a Thunderbolt that came in contact with Daisy's butt (which farted again), causing a HUGE explosion that destroyed much of the background.
Yoshi simply stood there as he noticed Crazy Hand comforting Master Hand, before overhearing the Nostalgia Critic and the Angry Video Game Nerd fighting again.
"You know what, this reminds me," Yoshi stated as he grinned, pointing his finger upward, "Let's have the two critics do the next commercial for us!"
Daisy was about to point something out when she accidentally farted loudly, causing the stadium to shake and gassing everything. She giggled as she slightly blushed while Waluigi face palmed himself.
"Wait," Master Hand interrupted as he moved his fingers about. "I don't think this is a good idea to show all these commercials together.
Yoshi placed his right hand on his hip, eyeing Master Hand. "You're saying this now, of all times?"
Master Hand was about to retort, but he felt defeated, sighing as he closed himself. "Good point. Keep rolling the tapes, mac."
"Umm, Master Hand, this is the last commercial," One of the Lakitus stated as he tried to get the message across.
Master Hand sighed as he tried to look good as possible, having been revived earlier by the combined efforts of Crazy Hand and Taj.
"Okay... okay, we can do this, gang. We can do this," Master Hand assured himself as he looked at Crazy Hand, and took in a quick breath, trying to sound as loud as he possibly could.
"Yoshi Kart, the only place where the craziest things can happen in a race since Mario Kart!" Master Hand stated as he pointed at the action that was ensuing.
"The power of christ compels you...?" Said a Lakitu as he recorded the Angry Video Game Nerd and the Nostalgia Critic.
"The power of christ compels you?" The Angry Video Game Nerd repeated. "More like the power of shit repels you! Just like these commercials!"
"Hey! These commercials aren't THAT bad!" Master Hand snapped back as a bucket of tuna then fell on him, making him angry as he turned red all over. "Ffffffuuu-"
"Hey, is he about to scream "FUCK"? Cause that's MY line!" The AVGN shouted angrily.
"Bullshit!" The Nostalgia Critic shouted back with a snazzy retort. "You didn't copyright the word! Don't even try it!"
Yoshi gulped as he hopped into his Turbo Yoshi. "We'd better get going, before he snaps," He muttered as he turned on the kart and zoomed off.
As the other racers got on their karts and zoomed off, the Lakitus instead decided to record the AVGN and the NC for the lulz as more bullshit began to pour on.
As the racers took off, several invisible coin blocks popped out of nowhere, and several Bullet Bills began firing out of the ground as butt cracks appeared all over everyone's bodies, blood pouring out of the cameras.
Just as Yoshi got an item, he recieved bacon instead. He tried getting another item, he still got bacon. Turning to the right, Yoshi was then ran over by a stampede of angry wart hogs.
Mario noticed this as he swerved to the right, but slipped on some oil and went crashing into several nearby tire piles, knocking the tires onto everyone passing by as the audience somehow were getting drawn to the AVGN and NC's "war", of which they tried to criticise the chaos at their best.
"This whole thing's even more batshit crazy than Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog!" The Nostalgia Critic shouted in disgust as he moved his arms about. "What kind of sick twisted fuck would make stuff like THIS happen!"
"Even STONED, Satan himself couldn't think up shit like this! Even combining all shitty games in the world couldn't compare to how shitty this stuff is!" The Angry Video Game Nerd shot back.
Dr. Eggman's AoStH incarnation suddenly popped up from the hotel, running to the Nostalgia Critic and stuck his PINGAS in his butt, laughing diabollically, much to the real Dr. Eggman's embarrassment.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" NC freaked out, turning to AoSTH Robotnik and pulled out a gun. "FUCK YOU!" He blew his head off.
"It is written," Gwonam stated as he appeared in between the NC and AVGN, "Only Yoshi Kart can make crazy stuff." He then popped out rainbows from his ass as he flew into the air without his carpet, screaming, "SQUADALAH!"
"Was that the wierd genie guy from Face of Evil!" AVGN asked as he saw Gwonam. "That game sucked more ass than ass could possibly be sucked!"
King Harkinian, the King of Hyrule, was insulted as he grabbed his Dinner Blaster and began shooting burgers at the NC and AVGN, shouting profanities at them as his ship that sailed in the morning ran over the three.
Suddenly, Donkey Kong came bursting through the wooden ship on Rambi, chased by KILLER BEES, who were on the hunt for Amy Rose as they sucked the beauty out of the nearby ketchup and mayo, which was growing... on May's breasts.
"Nothing makes sense anymore!" Laughed The Joker as he took out a dart and tossed it at Sonic, running off as the dart exploded, causing the blue hedgehog to spin around and cause all the racers to crash each other. Master Hand and Crazy hand simply watched in shock.
"Wha... how... why...?" Master Hand continued stuttering as several coins fell on him, a shower of dirty water from an upside down toilet full of poop gratifying him as several cats laughed at him while scratching with their soft, weak claws.
"Holy shit!" The Nostalgia Critic and Angry Video Game Nerd exclaimed in unison.
Just then, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles peeked out of the sewer at what was going on.
"Bogus, dudes!" Michelangelo shouted in dismay as he watched the racers being chased by angry skunks with flags stamped on their tails and killer mutant bowling bowls with bombs on their arms and tanks on their heads. "This looks even more mega fucked up than when we did 'Coming out of our Shells'!"
Raphael suddenly grabbed Michelangelo by the head and made him face the older turtle. "I thought I told you that we NEVER talk about 'Comin' Out of Our Shells'!" He then started slapping Michelangelo across the face. "IT. NEVER. HAPPENED."
"Hey guys, remember those mutant bananas when we went back to-" Before Donatello could finish, they were all attacked by the very same mutant bananas from 'Turtles Forever', followed by the usual foot ninjas from Shredder.
"You just had to mention them, didn't you?" Leonardo replied sarcastically to Donatello.
The audience laughed as the racers came back, being damaged by the fire that suddenly spread from the accident as Amy Rose got chased by the killer bees.
"Only in Yoshi Kart," Master Hand tried to get across as he cleansed himself, "Can such insanity happen-"
Master Hand got rammed by Taj, who was having a carpet race with Gwonam as the NC and AVGN continued their arguing, much to Crazy Hand and the Lakitus' delight.
"You know, for all the bashing they're doing on Yoshi Kart, it's actually pretty interesting and hilarious," Yoshi pointed out as he nudged Sonic, while Mario was munching down on sugary blue Chain Chomps.
"Yeah...it kind of is," Sonic chuckled as he watched the madness.
"Yeah, now that you-" Pikachu was interrupted by the Power Rangers, who began to perform with the Ninja Turtles a solo number.
Princess Daisy was about to comment, when she farted so loud, it caused every single thing to catch on fire instantly, followed by freezing everything. One loud belch by Daisy later, and Satan's laughter was heard as strong winds began blowing everyone around like paper dolls, which the rain pouring heavily as the lightning struck everything in its path.
"You want action? You want craziness! Then come to Yoshi Kart, the only place where insanity is a mu-" Master Hand was about to finish when Daisy farted again, causing him to mutate into a clone of Crazy Hand. "I love hell in a basket! It makes me feel colorful!"
"Heeeeaaaalp!" Yoshi screamed as he, Mario, Peach, Sonic, Luigi, Shadow, Amy, Toad, Toadette, and Pikachu tugged onto each other.
Suddenly, Bean the Dynamite Duck rushed onto the scene with an A-Bomb. "NYEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH A!" He cackled manically before detonating the bomb.
BOOM!
"...And... that's... the... commerci-" The Lakitu moaned as the AVGN and NC took the camera from him, contributing their two cents.
"I'm the fuckin' Angry Video Game Nerd; takin' you back to the past to play the shitty games that suck ass!" The Angry Video Game Nerd stated as he adjusted his glasses.
"And I'm the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don't have to!" The Nostalgia Critic finished as both he and the AVGN left to finish up their eternal war.
Yoshi scratched his head in confusion. "So... um... now what?" He asked as he coughed.
Everyone was silent.
Sonic, Shadow and Silver were back to playing Koopa Shell Hockey...this time having Knuckles added to their team, as they played against Dry Bowser and 3 Dry Bones.
"Well, I'm going to tune up my kart," Mario stated as he headed back into the garage to handle the Red Fire.
Yoshi rubbed the back of his head. "Well, I guess I'll go back to the garage and get out the Turbo Yoshi," He stated as he followed Mario into the garage.
"...Are those all the commercials left?" Yoshi asked in an annoyed tone, noticing that the video ended.
Master Hand nodded. Or floated. Oddly. "Yeah. I take it that the author realized how stupid this was and just combined them in an effort to make this entire story less of a clusterfuck."
More silence. Yoshi rubbed his right arm as he looked around.
"Right. I'm gonna go find the doc. Maybe we can get lucky twice and get an actual new chapter with real content," Yoshi commented as he ran off.
Master Hand chuckled as he watched Yoshi run off to the western direction. He then sighed as he shook himself. "Ough, what I wouldn't do for more coverage on me..."