Yoshizilla-Rhedosaurus: Welp, happy seventh anniversary to this big piece of crap. Noticeably, I have subtly been making this better. But for people who have never read this before, you won't believe it. I'm honestly still surprised that it's not only still popular, but the very fact that it's still here. Friggin' wonders, I tells ya. Anyway, here's a nice little sub plot with actual racing. Also, a tiny little coincidence, but the day before today was the twentieth anniversary of Mario Kart. I was too lazy to make one, but since this is essentially one love letter to the entire franchise, this will have to do. Have fun reading, folks!
It was a quite night in Dinosaur Land, in that one particularly huge hotel with a large McDonald's, which at this point was pretty much an apartment. Considering that all the racers were essentially living here for seven long years, and given that in this particular fanfic, they don't go anywhere, since this fanfic literally goes nowhere. Anyway, all was quite.
Until a particularly loud nose. A loud, brassy, deep pitched, tuba like noise echoed throughout the entire hotel, and it was pretty obvious that one of the girls farted.
The particular girl who ripped one? Amy Rose.
"Ugh, yet another goddamn fart to ruin the peace in the hotel," Yoshi muttered as he got out of his bed, stretching his arms. "Just great. Just what we fucking need."
Dr. Hoshi was already up, wearing purple earmuffs on his head as he sipped some coffee, reading the newspaper. "Well, it's that particular night. The one where night lasts the longest."
Yoshi rubbed the back of his head. "But doc, it's our anniversary today. Err, tonight."
Dr. Hoshi lowered his glasses. "Look, we already broke the fourth wall as it is. Just let it go and enjoy yourself."
Yoshi rubbed his right arm. "Okay, but I don't feel comfortable having a chapter of Yoshi Kart without actual racing in it..." He left the room, heading out.
A few minutes later, Yoshi was outside of the McDonald's Hotel, on the western side, noticing that a bright green colored old fashioned kart was in front of him. He observed it as Silver The Hedgehog came by.
"Hey Yoshi. Just observing the karts here?" Silver asked, wrapping his arms around the back of his head.
Yoshi stood back up, turning to Silver as he moved his arms about. "Yeah. I want do so some racing to help give this chapter some flair. After all, Yoshi Kart turns seven today... I mean, tonight."
Silver's eyes widened. "Yoshi Kart is seven?" He dropped his jaw to the ground, literally. "Time flies!"
"Yeah, just like my gas," Amy Rose interrupted as she had her arms folded, sighing as she was feeling extra gassy tonight.
Yoshi placed his hands on his hips. "Amy, did you happen to have been eating those burritos again?"
Amy waved her hands at Yoshi. "I don't know what came over me! I'm feeling fine, but my stomach is filled to the brim with gas!"
Amy Rose farted loudly again, the back of her red dress being lifted by the tuba like flatulence as the back of her white panties got browner. Amy blushed in embarrassment as Yoshi and Silver glanced at each other with worry, then back at Amy.
"Any way, I'm hoping that a little race can make me stop farting so much," Amy confirmed as she rubbed her right arm, letting out another loud poot that caused a brown stain on her white panties.
Dry Bowser rolled his eyes as he walked up to the three humanoid animals, being able to ignore the awful stench of Amy's farts, namely because he was a skeleton. "So, you three kids plan on having a race, huh?"
Yoshi nodded as he turned to Dry Bowser. "Yeah, you want part of it, bonehead?"
Dry Bowser scoffed as he shook his head. "Well of course. I need to be fleshed out too, you know." He chuckled, crossing his skeletal arms together. "Get it?"
A few seconds passed as everyone got the pun, with Silver dropping his jaw in disbelief as Yoshi simply buried his face in his hands, shaking his head.
"Ugh..." Amy groaned as she planted her right hand on her forehead. "That's a pun so bad, not even Carlos would spout it..."
Silver placed back on his jaw as he turned to his left, to seeing Toadette and Petey Piranha in the other two karts. "Wha? You guys are racing too?"
Petey rubbed the back of his head, not being able to say anything.
Toadette giggled as she held her hands together. "Yeah! I want some action, too! I don't want to be here simply to be a cute girl!"
Yoshi smirked as he snapped his fingertips. "All right, then. Let's have a little race. In say..." Suddenly, a bluish warp appeared right in front of them, revealing a certain beautiful tropical area. "Seaside Hill! Perfect!"
Silver shrugged as he asked. "How on earth will we get back here to Dinosaur Land?"
Dry Bowser shook his head as he placed his left skeletal hand on Silver's left shoulder. "I'm positive that the author will pull something out of his ass. Let's race."
Everyone nodded as they got into the go karts, all of them zooming right into the warp, landing in Seaside Hill's Lost Palace racetrack, the warp itself disappearing. Yoshi lead the way, with Silver, in a silver colored go kart, trailing him. Dry Bowser was in a blue colored go kart, Amy Rose was in a red colored go kart, Toadette was in a yellow colored go kart, and Petey Piranha was in an orange colored go kart, all of them racing after Yoshi and Silver, heading around the bend.
Unbeknownst to them, their race would be interrupted by a strange, evil presence... who is that presence? You'll find out next time. Why? Because I'm a big jerk.
...Or I would be if it wasn't for the fact that now I combined all the chapters.
"Hey!" Pikachu growled as he glared up at the ceiling in the hallway of the hotel's highest floor before the rooftop, pouting as he was apparently aware that he was in a fanfic. "How come I don't get a chapter dedicated to myself, huh!? Answer me!"
"Pikachu, go to bed already, sheesh..." Ash Ketchum yawned as he walked back Pikachu, though it was obvious that the angry, yellow colored, electrical mouse Pokemon was not going to take any advice from anyone.
Seaside Hill's Lost Palace racetrack is probably the best track in Seaside Hill to race on. Why? Because it's a perfect blend of land and sea, and a decent length of a track. Yoshi was still leading the way, with Silver The Hedgehog, Dry Bowser, Amy Rose, Toadette, and Petey Piranha all following the green dinosaur. Turning on the beach, Dry Bowser rammed Silver to the side as he was closing in on Yoshi.
Yoshi smirked as he glanced behind. "I see you there, boney! But I'll outdo you!" He then intentionality spun around as he slowed down, bumping into Dry Bowser, causing him to spin about and end up in the salty sea water nearby.
Amy Rose attempted to pull out her Piko Piko Hammer, but Toadette started ramming into the right side of her. Amy screamed as she pushed Toadette back, allowing Petey to pass them. The five racers went around the grassy bend to the left, with Dry Bowser coming from the rear, having enough acceleration to come back towards the top.
"Man, do I love this place," Yoshi commented as he went on the orange-brown checkerboard loop, ending up on the other side, going through the odd turns. Suddenly, Yoshi slipped over some spilled oil, causing him to spin around and crash into the temple statues nearby.
Silver noticed the puddle of oil as he slowed down, watching as Amy, Toadette, Dry Bowser, and Petey all passed him, slipping on the oil and crashing into the tropical jungle foliage. Silver stepped out of his kart as he placed his hands on his hips, observing the oil. "Hmm... this is strange... why would there be spilled oil on this grassy path for no reason?"
Dry Bowser reformed out of the pile of bones he turned into, walking towards the puddle of oil, looking at Silver. "Well, it could not have been any of us. We don't have any items."
Toadette groaned as she was feeling dizzy, placing her right hand on her head. "Ough... that crash was really something..."
Amy was trapped inside the kart wreckage, her panties being exposed to everyone. "Someone get me out of this wreck!"
Petey pushed the karts off of him with ease, grabbing Amy and placing her back down to normal. Amy slightly blushed as she pressed down her red dress, knowing that everyone caught a glimpse.
Yoshi stumbled forward, appearing next to Dry Bowser as he placed his right hand on his chin. "Well, guys, it looks like we got a mystery on our hands." It was then that Scooby Doo music began playing, causing the green dinosaur to sigh in annoyance as he tilted back his head. "Ugh, fucking really?"
Back in Dinosaur Land, Birdo was in her room as she sighed, trying to pain her nails as Bowser Junior stumbled into the room, noticing that Birdo seemed to be out of it.
"Something troubling you?" Bowser Jr. asked as he approached Birdo, moving his arms about.
Birdo sighed as she shook her head, turning her head to Bowser Jr. "Oh, it feels like Yoshi is doing something excited without me."
Bowser Jr. scoffed as he rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Yeah, that's Yoshi for you. Always having something going on." He folded his arms as he scoffed again. "Knowing him, he's probably doing something very stupid right now."
Going right back to the tropical Seaside Hill, our unlikely racing heroes Yoshi, Silver The Hedgehog, Dry Bowser, Amy Rose, Toadette, and Petey Piranha all looked at the puddle of oil, wondering who was the creep who spilled it, as they glanced at their wrecked karts.
"Welp, so much for racing in karts," Yoshi commented as he shook his head. "I wonder who the creep is..."
Dry Bowser smacked Yoshi across the back of the head with his right boney hand. "We already lampshaded that in the sentence before, you dumbass."
Toadette held her hands together as she tilted her head to the right. "Golly, this might be complicated..."
Suddenly, the six characters got bowled over, falling off the grass path and landing on the sandy shore. Silver looked up, spotting a shadowy figure standing on the wooden bridge above.
"Look! It's the culprit!" Silver exclaimed as he pointed.
The culprit revealed itself to be... a lone male Purrlion!
"Yes, it was I! Ha ha!" The Purrlion exclaimed as he laughed, standing on his two hind legs. "I knew that you jokers would come practice some racing to give this crappy fanfic some actual racing content, so I spilled some oil to mess you up!"
Petey growled as he attempted to fire some brown goop at the Purrlion, but the Purrlion managed to dodge it by jumping.
"Barfing isn't going to help you, you overgrown lettuce!" The Purrlion snickered.
Petey roared angrily as Toadette tried calming him down, holding him back.
Amy placed her hands on her hips angrily. "You don't want us to race in a fanfic that's meant to be filled with racing action?"
The Purrlion kept chuckling as he waved his front right paw. "That's right, pinky! And so far, everything is going perfectly! Oh ho ho ho!"
Yoshi shook his fists as he fluttered back to the top of the grassy edge, facing the Purrlion. "You're in for a pummeling, you darn cat!"
The Purrlion scratched Yoshi in the face several times as he then dashed on all four of his legs, jumping from one wooden bridge to the next. "You'll have to catch me first!"
Yoshi stomped his right foot as he shook his right fist angrily. "Get back here, you cretin!"
Suddenly, all of the wrecked karts got fixed, thanks to the combination of Dry Bowser's blue electricity and Silver's green psychic. Yoshi gasped as the five other characters jumped back onto the grassy edge.
"We got the karts fixed, so we can still race while taking down this guy!" Silver pointed out as he moved his arms.
Dry Bowser folded his skeletal arms. "Enough talk, let's go chase him and beat the hell out of him."
Yoshi nodded his head as he smiled, jumping into his green colored kart and taking off, jumping over the gap between the wooden bridge and the other grassy edge heading south. Dry Bowser, Silver, Toadette, Amy Rose, and Petey Piranha all followed in their karts, chasing down the Purrlion while attempting to still race.
Back in Dinosaur Land at the McDonald's hotel, which frankly was weird as fuck since it was a McDonald's and a hotel in one, Dr. Hoshi was sitting at the large circular table in the kitchen of his room that he shared with Yoshi, looking at the scripts of the old chapters, as well as glancing at the scripts for new, potential chapters. Dr. Hoshi's other roommates, Bronto The Brontosaurus and Heppy Ankylosaurus, were both fast asleep in their bunk beds. Peppy Ankylosaurus came in, wondering where his best friend went.
"Hey doc, have you seen Yoshi?" Peppy asked, standing on all four of his legs.
Dr. Hoshi turned to Peppy, shaking his head. "Oh, he went out to do some racing in Seaside Hill."
Peppy gasped as his eyes widened. "What? He went to Seaside Hill without me?" He screamed in rage as he stormed out, slamming the door behind him. "Of all the nerve! I oughta..."
Dr. Hoshi rolled his eyes as he kept reading the scripts. "Eh, I don't know why Peppy got more screen time than me. I'm the more interesting original character." He then turned to face the computer screen, looking directly at you, the readers. "And it's time that you folks got back to the racing action." He snapped his fingers, looking at the ceiling. "Cue scene change!
Yoshi, Silver The Hedgehog, Dry Bowser, Amy Rose, Toadette, and Petey Piranha all were in their fixed karts, chasing after the pesky Purrlion who sabotaged them in Seaside Hill's Lost Palace. The group of six racers all turned around the bend, on the temple road and then back on the grassy path as they made a large leap over the ruined temple paths in the salty seawater below, a large temple in front of the racetrack to the left.
"Ha! Let's see you do anything to little old me!" The Purrlion teased as he fired several Shadow Balls back with his front paws.
The karts were damaged, but they managed to proof themselves steady, making a rough but steady landing on the temple path as they kept chasing the Purrlion. The Purrlion heading around the right bend, firing more Shadow Balls at several orange rocks nearby, causing them to tumble towards the racers.
Yoshi screamed as he attempted to run, but he spun around instead, crashing into the other racers behind him. Yoshi screamed as he went flying, with Dry Bowser turning into a bunch of bones as Amy Rose and Toadette held onto each other screaming. Petey used his big leafy arms to flap in the air, while Silver used his psychic to float, the karts all tumbling into the ocean. The group landed on the temple path that was under the large orange mountain, looking up ahead towards the northern direction to see the Purrlion sticking his tongue out at them.
"Ha ha! Losers!" The Purrlion exclaimed as he started slapping his butt.
Dry Bowser reformed, his skeletal hands charged with blue electricity. "I'm about to shock that blasted cat. Stand back." He growled as he pointed at the Purrlion, zapping him with his blue electricity. The Purrlion screamed as the electrical surge went through his entire feline body, causing him to faint, typical anime swirlies appearing in place of his eyes.
Yoshi, Silver, Amy, and Toadette all cheered as Petey chuckled, placing his right leafy hand by his mouth. Dry Bowser smirked as he folded his skeletal arms together, having gotten the job done.
"Froggy?" Big The Cat stated as he was looking all over the McDonald's hotel for his best friend Froggy, causing the people inside to raise a ruckus as they were annoyed by the obese purple cat's presence. "Froggy, where are you!?"
"This is how low we have stooped." Shadow The Hedgehog growled as he was drinking a Diet Pepsi on the first floor, shaking his head in disbelief as he sighed, continuing to drink as Big caused the hotel to shake from shaking things up.
Yoshi, Silver The Hedgehog, Dry Bowser, Amy Rose, Toadette, and Petey Piranha all were beating up the pesky Purrlion, having finally stopped the sinister cat's evil scheme. As the Purrlion was literally covered in bloody bruises, the group cheered as they gave each other high fives and such.
"Well, we took care of that little damn cat!" Yoshi exclaimed as he pumped his fists.
Amy clapped her hands together as she giggled. "Yay! Now we can go back to racing!" She exclaimed.
Toadette also giggled in unison as she clapped several times. "Boy, am I excited! I'm so gleeful I could pee!" She then slightly blushed as she stopped clapping. "Not that I have to pee..."
After everyone stared awkwardly at Toadette for a few seconds, Petey broke the silence by bellowing in joy, pounding his chest with his leafy hands.
Silver rubbed the back of his head as he nodded his head, understanding Petey. "I concur. It's great that we got this pest out of the way, but maybe we should actually race."
Dry Bowser folded his skeletal arms. "Should we bother to use items?"
Everyone looked at each other, thinking deeply as they all looked up at the puffy white clouds in the clear blue sky.
Meanwhile, quick shot back to the McDonald's hotel...
"Uhh, Mario... I got a bill for the use of items in Mario Kart," Sonic The Hedgehog mentioned as he was holding the yellow piece of paper in his right hand. "You might not like it."
Mario snatched the bill from Sonic, looking at it and gasping as his entire face turned white. "Item Bill, one thousand, two hundred, and ninety five dollars and thirty one cents!?" He fainted as he dropped the bill.
Sonic sheepishly rubbed the back of his head as he glanced at the walls, whistling innocently.
Back in Seaside Hill's Lost Palace racetrack, Yoshi was in the lead as he was blasted by a winged spiny Blue Shell. Dry Bowser pushed Yoshi off the path as he went over the loop. Silver had several bananas in his arsenal, while Amy and Toadette were chucking green shells at each other, with Petey Piranha using a star to plow right through the items. Yoshi got back on the road, growling as he used a mushroom to zoom.
Yes, it was an enjoyable race, and everyone had a grand time overall. Except Mario, he had to go to the hospital.
A great way to celebrate this fanfic's seventh anniversary. Just wait until the tenth anniversary... heh heh.
"Oh god, don't even get me started." Master Hand grumbled as he was shifting through various papers in his office, with R.O.B. coming in to hand the floating glove even more paper.