The Age of Sturm und Drang — ERSTER AKT

by satomiko

Kuromorimine Girls' Highschool in the 1980s, seemed to be a dream, that was meant to never happen again – both beautiful and terrifying, taking pride in spitting in fate's face, that was waiting to finally take its final revenge. Kuromorimine was dreaming about storm. And the one, who stood in the eye of that storm, was Shiho Nishizumi.

5. Chapter IV: Leap into the abyss

The beginning of the new week seemed to be entirely normal, and there was nothing to suggest that it would be any different. Mornings were starting to feel chilly, with no escape from the impending autumn. Kikuyo felt the cold breath of the changing seasons on her neck as she dressed in her Division uniform, shivering slightly from the cold. She thought she could manage a little longer before switching to warmer tights and adding more layers under her uniform to avoid freezing during training. This also meant she had to finally start to looking for the gloves she had stashed somewhere in the spring, to make sure she knew where they were and wouldn't have to search for them. The only problem was that she unfortunately forgot where they might be.

Before the morning Monday training, she was as usual one of the first in the locker room; after all, no one wants to start the week with waking up so early. However, she could already hear the sounds of lockers opening and closing in the distance, although she couldn't see anyone yet. While tying her shoes, she thought it wasn't a good sign that no one else was around yet. She needed to borrow shoe polish from someone, because Captain Fujihara always ran a uniform inspection on Monday morning, and paid exceptional attention to whether everyone had polished shoes. If she happened to run into someone, asking to borrow something wouldn't be unusual, but wandering around the locker room and asking for favors could be taken the wrong way.

Hoping to encounter someone who could help her in need, she headed to the bathroom to check herself in the mirror and properly adjust her cap, as she could never get it right without looking in one. And she was a bit curious how Lotta, Elsa, and Ran-senpai managed to clean up that unfortunate bathroom the day before.

Upon arrival, she was greeted by the typical chatter of a women's bathroom, created by a somewhat artificial crowd, brought together by the unspoken rule of girlhood stating that you must go to the bathroom as a group and have a chat about something. She expected not to be alone there, but the fact that practically every sink was occupied, moreover by senpai from the High School Division, surprised her more than it should have. Only the second-to-last sink was free, which normally wouldn't bother her too much if it weren't for the fact that the last one was occupied by none other than Miss Shimakawa herself, with a hairpin in her mouth, adjusting her hairdo, by putting her braid into a low bun.

"Good morning, Shimakawa-senpai!" Not greeting her properly would have made their situation even more awkward.

"Good morning..." she replied, avoiding eye contact.

She tried not to look in Shimakawa's direction, overly focusing on her own reflection and whether her bangs looks neatly. Maybe she should cut them a little? According to Kuromorimine's rules, it was definitely too long, and as such a sign of an unkept appearance was, was really frowned upon by Public Morals Comitee. Besides, because it was hard to keep out of her eyes it bothered her a bit, and brushing it aside all the time probably wasn't a very elegant habit. On the other hand, she was too attached to them, especially because when she looked down, they shielded her gaze, preventing outsiders from seeing what was hidden in her eyes. She deeply cherished this privacy.

Apart from that, she deluded herself into thinking that next time she returned home for Obon, she would ask her mother to help her curl it nicely so that when she went to the Matsuri, she would look like the idols she saw on television. It was a vain hope that her stiff and straight as a wire hair would yield to heat styling, but perhaps every hope in her life was equally naive.

Despite this almost narcissistic focus on herself, Kikuyo felt that Miss Shimakawa sometimes looked at her as if she wanted to say something but didn't know how to start. Moreover, something in her demeanor was telling Kikuyo that Miss Shimakawa was clearly disturbed by something. There was a certain abruptness in her movements, and the aggression with which she pinned up her low bun, clearly showed that she was boiling with some kind of negative energy. Finally, Kikuyo noticed that she leaned against the sink, staring at the drain, breathing heavily as if preparing to do something incredibly difficult and demanding a great effort, something she feared. Kikuyo was truly worried about this, and although she didn't know if it was appropriate or not, she had to find out if something was really wrong. Watching her in such a state made her feel bad too.

"We were supposed to pretend that our conversation, back then, on Friday never happened, but I'm sorry, I have to ask you for a favor. And it's precisely because of what happened then, I want help from no one else, but you" suddenly said Nanami, looking first at herself and then at her reflection in the mirror.

"Shimakawa-senpai, what do you mean by that?"

"I would like to ask you to substitute for me in the Middle School Division training sessions until the Cultural Festival in November, including the exhibition battle on that day, as the gunner in Captain Nishizumi's crew."

She couldn't believe she had actually heard that. It sounded like an unfunny joke, like back in kindergarten and elementary school when the most popular girls in class would ask her if she wanted to be their friend, only to later torment her by mocking her naivety. She could be absolutely certain that Shimakawa-senpai wasn't like that, yet because almost the exact same situation was unfolding now, she couldn't shake off those dark scenarios increasingly attacking her consciousness.

She remembered what Michiru-senpaibhad told her on Saturday, trying to believe that she did indeed present some combat value, but the vision where Shimakawa's request was part of a carefully orchestrated game aimed at humiliating her in front of the entire Division by exposing how pathetic her skills were compared to the rest of the crew, was unsettling her. Perhaps it was a plan devised by Honami to show her once and for all where her place was? Well, if she accepted this proposal, she would surely become the target of her revenge. Overwhelmed by this flood of thoughts, she couldn't respond to Miss Shimakawa.

"I beg you, Idegami-san, please help me," she said, taking her hands in hers and looking Kikuyo straight in the eyes, her gaze filled with fear and desperation, slightly blurred by the lenses of her glasses. "It's my fault, because of me, Captain Nishizumi's crew can't operate as it should. That's why I have to fix it, or else... I'd rather not think about it."

They were uncomfortably close, which surprised Kikuyo because, as a someone who did Sensha-dō for some time, squeezed with other girls in a tight metal box, she usually didn't have a problem with that. However, from this proximity and through physical contact, she realized, that she was starting to feel what Nanami was feeling against her own will. It was a mix of intense, unpleasant emotions. She felt sorrow and desperation, and... fear? No, it wasn't quite that, although it reminded her somewhat of fear; it was definitely more diffuse, as if the source of Nanami's anguish was the entire reality itself. And that began to worry Kikuyo.

"But the formalities, surely arranging this isn't such a straightforward matter..." she began to wonder if what Miss Shimakawa was asking for was really possible.

"No one will cause any trouble, besides, dare them try! I've already sorted it out with the Command. You just need to agree. Please," tears welled up in Miss Shimakawa's eyes, and her hands trembled. Should someone like Nanami be going through something like this?

"Okay, I'll do it," she said suddenly, surprised by the boldness with which she spoke those words.

Understanding the stakes for Miss Shimakawa, she felt that she couldn't refuse – not because she was made to do so by rules seniority and authority, but because she sympathized with her and wanted to help. This was her chance to be useful, to contribute something, the last thing she wanted was to not took it. Even if it was some hidden game, even if it will made her look foolish, she was willing to risk everything to make someone else's suffering even slightly less, even if she had to shoulder it herself.

She now understood what her hidden motif was last Friday, when she ran out of class to help Misaki and stand by her side. She had tried to convince herself for a long time that it was out of selfishness, that she really just wanted to feel morally superior to the heartless crowd of Kuromorimine, but deep down, she sympathized with her and believed she herself had enough agency to at least try to save her. She didn't yet know what it was in that situation, which Miss Shimakawa haven't even seen with her own eyes, that made her decide to trust her, but Kikuyo didn't wanted to betray that trust.

"Thank you, I'll be eternally grateful to you. I'll repay you however I can, I promise!" she exclaimed, forcing a cheerful tone, and she briefly but warmly embraced her, which seemed to catch the attention of a few people due to their peculiar behavior.

"Actually, I have one tiny request..."

"Anything you want!"

"Shimakawa-senpai, could you perhaps lend me some shoe polish?"

---

As Nanami rummaged through the contents of her locker, making quite a noise in the process, Kikuyo involuntarily glanced to see what Miss Shimakawa kept inside. Hanging there was a long coat made of thick black wool, a mandatory part of the winter uniform, a summer black short-sleeved shirt, and something that caught her attention the most"a spare basic uniform, quite a luxurious item due to its price.

Then, her gaze shifted towards the locker door, specifically the photos attached to it by was certain that such a practice was illegal, but also believed that if anyone were to break that particular rule, it would be none other than Shimakawa-senpai. She noticed a newspaper clipping, most likely from Gekkan Sensha-dō , dedicated to Captain Nishizumi's crew, probably due to their success in last summer's exhibition matches, illustrated with a photo of the entire crew with their Panzer III, a picture of Nanami and Captain Nishizumi, and a portrait of Frédéric Chopin, sized B5, serving as the aesthetic centerpiece of this commemorative pinboard.

"Here, I'm sorry it took so long," Nanami said, handing her the pouch containing the tools she needed.

"No problem at all, thank you once more, Shimakawa-senpai."

"It's fine, just remember to return it to me, okay? I must admit, that sometimes I'm also afraid of Sachi's wrath, so I'd rather not get on her bad side," she said, then nervously chuckled, covering her mouth with her hand. "And you don't have to address me by my last name, Nanami-senpai is fine."

"Understood, Nanami-senpai..." Kikuyo replied, somewhat unconvinced. She wasn't a very strict etiquette person, so she didn't really mind this omission of formality, but she wasn't quite sure if she deserved such closeness from Nanami-senpai.

"That's so much better, we'll be a team and there's no reason for us to be so distanced... And could I call you Kikuyo-chan?"

"Yes, of course..." she said, again not believing what she was hearing was true.

"But if you don't want to, I'll respect that, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable..."

"Please, call me Kikuyo-chan!" she exclaimed, louder than she intended, driven by emotion. "It's just that, up until now, only my family has called me that, I've never had such a close friend, so I was surprised..."

"In that case, I'll definitely call you Kikuyo-chan. I've always wanted to take younger student under my wing, whom I could address this way and teach everything I know... Truly, today you're making me feel a bit happier..."

"Pleasure is all mine, Nanami-senpai..."

With all this going on, she had almost forgotten why she had come here in the first place. While cleaning her shoes, Kikuyo didn't pay much attention to the sound of fast footsteps and raised voices. It was only when Nanami poked her lightly that she looked to her right and saw Shōko Hayashi, the captain of one of the platoons and privately the twin sister of the late Naoko Hayashi, walking quickly towards the bathroom, clearly attempting to escape from the chasing her Captain Ōhira, which had absolutely no chance of success.

One could easily tell what was coming – this duo together always meant trouble. After all, Hotaru Ōhira,appointed by Captain Junko Aizawa as the vice-captain of the High School Division, and Shōko Hayashi, who lost that position to her, harbored a genuine hatred for each other, and that fact was obvious and widely known.

The entire Kuromorimine tried to balance the conflicing feeling of sympathy for the fallen star of the division, Shōko, who had hit rock bottom after an unimaginable tragedy she couldn't cope with, and disdain for this vulgar nuisance, who displayed antisocial tendencies unworthy of a Kuromorimine student. After the death of her sister, perhaps the only person for whom she had any positive feelings, she let go of all moral restraint and became truly unbearable. The fact that Instructor Nishizumi's protection allowed her to do whatever she liked and break all sorts of rules without any consequences increased the general antipathy towards her. Her weekend parties had already become a legend at the school, resembling more of a simple drunken spree that neither the Disciplinary Committee, the school administration nor even the police were able to put an end to.

Shōko was crude and brutal, but she was a skilled tank commander, which paradoxically was her biggest flaw—it fed her pride, gave her power, and only justified her prejudices. When she felt like it, she could single-handedly take out half of an enemy division, sometimes with minimal effort, ensuring victory. Kuromorimine never negotiated with victory, even if it meant entrusting it's fate to someone like Shōko. The truth was, however, that Shōko more often didn't feel like it than she did, which made the failure in this year's Championships equally as her fault, as Captain Aizawa's.

Hayashi, however, couldn't grasp this, firmly believing that she deserved the highest honors, unlike that Hotaru—poor daughter of a single mother, most likely some kind of prostitute, who not only didn't deserve to hold an honorable position in the Division, but didn't deserve to be a Kuromorimine student at all. Shōko's sense of superiority, caused by being a member of the personally selected elite by Instructor Nishizumi, obscured the reality in which Hotaru was the one who was a modest, hardworking tank commander who earned the MVP title in the unfortunate '84 season and single-handedly kept the Division in line after Naoko's death, giving Aizawa a chance to win in that tournament. The fact that Captain Aizawa entrusted command to her instead of Shōko, who was really of unsound mind on that moment, to put it mildly, was an obvious truth that Shōko couldn't reconcile with, making Ōhira's life miserable in every possible way as a result.

She ignored the fact that she could barely show up at the finals of the 34th Championships, let alone to be vice-captain, only to later be unable to function until the end of the year, drowning in the abyss of grief and mental breakdown. On the contrary, she believed that Aizawa exploited her weakness in this way.

However, there were people drawn to Shōko's bad reputation. She was like a juvenile delinquent sukeban, a personification of rebellion against rules with a cigarette in her mouth, who would with some degree of pleasure beat up her admirers and steal their pocket money, but that was something her fans pushed out of their consciousness. Among them was Kikuyo's tank captain, Honami, who would give anything for an invitation to a Shōko party.

On the one hand, Kikuyo felt a strong dislike for Shōko, but on the other hand, she also felt compassion for her, even though she didn't want to. She feared that one day she would use up all her empathy for people who weren't worth it, and when the time came for her to trully care about someone, she wouldn't be able to feel even a spark of compassion, and would end up empty inside, unable to love or be loved.

Meanwhile, Nanami discreetly peeked out from behind the locker to observe the whole scene and gave Kikuyo a sign to do the same. She didn't feel comfortable spying on things that weren't supposed to see the light of day, so for now, she preferred to limit herself to eavesdropping, even though it wasn't much more noble. It was cowardice that spoke through her; she lacked the courage to peek out as boldly as Nanami.

Hayashi!" Captain Ōhira's voice sounded like she was on the brink of fury and certainly didn't intend to hide it.

"What?" Shōko's tone in contrast, was absolutely dismissive. Kikuyo could imagine her expression, probably smirking and mocking, filled with contempt.

"How dare you ask? How dare you show up to training in such a state? Not only do your debaucheries bring shame upon us all, but you have the audacity to come here with a hangover and dishonor the entire Division!"

"How dare you accuse me of such a thing? I'm tired because I haven't even had my morning coffee yet. Mind your own business."

"And now you have the nerve to talk back!"

"Why do you worthless scum, to whom someone has given a bit of power, think that questioning the nonsense you spew in your senseless tirades is talking back? I replied, matching the pathetic level of your stupid question. Just because you and Aizawa are having your little affair on the side doesn't mean you have any power here..."

"Shut up! You don't know anything about my relationship with Captain Aizawa and I won't tolerate such insinuations!"

"I don't know because I don't want to know the details, the thought of you two making out grosses me out. Disgusting."

"You're disgusting. Now get out of my sight. You are suspended from Division until further notice."

"One telegraph to Kumamoto and I'm back."

"Then enjoy waiting for the telegraph from Kumamoto. And when it arrives, you and your crew will report every single day to the observation tower at five o'clock sharp and start running up and down the tower, until Captain Aizawa decides you've learned your lesson."

"You must be out of your fucking mind..."

"Get the fuck out! NOW!"

Just as she heard that Miss Hayashi promptly departed in an unspecified direction, Kikuyo felt the tension leave her body. She hated arguments, she hated it when people yelled nearby, so hearing all off that made her feel truly awful. It was terrible, and Kikuyo would give anything to not have to hear it. So why was Nanami so interested in the whole affair, that she was not only willing to witness it against her wil,l but also actively eavesdrop?

Furthermore, it seemed both of them were heavily burdened with bad luck because Captain Ōhira noticed their presence. For their trio, it was quite awkward, to put it mildly, because Captain Ōhira's reputation was compromised by the fact that Shōko insulted her, causing her to completely lose control in front of witnesses, and they were caught in the act of eavesdropping on senpai's conversations. It was hard to say who was in a worse situation.

"You heard everything, did you?" Captain Ōhira asked, looking at them sternly.

Kikuyo exchanged a knowing glance with Nanami; at this moment, there was no way Hotaru wouldn't see through their bluff.

"Unfortunately, yes," Nanami replied confidently. "Captain Ōhira, please don't bother yourself with what such a despicable creature like Shōko Hayashi says..."

"You're still talking about your senpai, Nanami. Don't think that the fact that you're a Nishizumi Shiho's gunner, gives you the right to say such things about people older than you. Your behavior is out of line."

Kikuyo could feel the tension in the air as Nanami and Captain Ōhira locked their gazes in silence. Nanami seemed determined to defend her sacred right to speak her mind, while Hotaru wanted to assert her position within the Division, as Nanami's words, filled with sympathy for her, came across as almost patronizing.

"Yes, ma'am," Nanami admitted defeat and lowered her eyes. "I'm sorry, I lost control over myseld. What Hayashi-senpai did really angered me.

"You're telling me that?" Captain Ōhira smiled bitterly and sat down on a bench opposite them. "I can't believe I let her provoke me like that."

Kikuyo suddenly realised that the pleasant, faint scent with floral and citrus notes was actually the scent of hairspray, which Captain Ōhira must have used in abundance, judging by how strong it's smell was from such a distance. Well, her carefully styled hair, reaching just below her chin and resembling a pink peach in colour, certainly couldn't maintain such an volume on its own, bravely resisting gravity. Moreover, Kikuyo could swear that she wore lip glossand even some make-up, which was strictly forbidden in Kuromorimine. She had never had the chance to see her up close before; until now, Ōhira was to her a distand embodiment of external beauty, combined with all the virtues of spirit that every girl practicing Sensha-dō should posess. Up close, became more grounded in reality, and Hotaru Ōhira, that distant, elusive ideal, became a real person to her, which paradoxically made her respect her even more.

"Even you can't be perfect, Ōhira-senpai... Though you really come close, being one of the best in Japan," Nanami said. Judging by the reverence shining in her eyes as she spoke those words, she must have held Ōhira-senpai in the same if not deeper respect than Kikuyo.

"Please, Nanami, don't even try to flatter me. Sometimes I really don't know what I'm doing here," Ōhira replied with a hint of bitter self-deprecation.

"I feel exactly the same way as Nanami-senpai. You truly are a role model for all of us..."

Kikuyo couldn't help but notice that Captain Ōhira's words clearly surpassed the boundaries of socially required modesty, revealing a sharp self-deprecation. Lately, she had increasingly been forced to notice that those she had always considered undeniable ideals actually shared one thing with her: a deep disdain for themselves. On one hand, the realization that the perfection of her idols was just a facade gave her comfort, knowing she wasn't the only one here dealing with self-doubt stemming from the inability to be perfect. On the other hand, her own inability to put on that fak mask of perfection, made her start to hate herself even more.

"Now I'll have to try even harder to meet your expectations. Perhaps by spectacularly defeating you in battle in Cultural Festival. It's been quite a while since you asked me for advice, Nanami. I can't wait to see firsthand what you're capable of," Ōhira-senpai said warmly, smiling at them. The last thing that Kikuyo wanted to do was to suspect Ōhira-senpai of being fond of flattery, because most likely, by her behavior, she revealed her soft spot —her fondness for her younger colleagues. It was clear that she held Nanami in genuine affection.

Nevertheless, an awkward silence settled in. Kikuyo glanced at Nanami-senpai, who seemed frozen in terror. If she herself had been in her not-so-great situation, finding out that she would disappoint a much larger number of people than she initially thought, Kikuyo would certainly feel awful too. But in that moment, Nanami-senpai looked like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming truck.

"Unfortunately, you won't have the chance... I won't be participating in the battle because I will be performing a concert at the same time," she added after a moment, her voice subdued.

"Really? That's a shame. Not only will Nishizumi-san really need you then, but I'd really like to hear you perform someday," sighed Hotaru-senpai, with dreamy gentleness in her eyes and a delicate smile, through which both Nanami and Kikuyo could clearly read the unspoken words of reassurance, "But it's okay, there will be another opportunity. Don't worry about it, Nanami-san." These were surely the sentiments she wanted to express, but articulating them would definitely breach the regime of strict formality enforced at Kuromorimine, around which their entire conversation teetered.

The longer Kikuyo looked at her, the more she concluded that Vice-Captain Ōhira possessed something of the manners and elegance of old movie stars, playing the role of a dignified yet endearing lady from higher society. Perhaps she deliberately crafted such an image having watched many of those old films herself? The most distinctive thing, however, was that she genuinely smiled a lot, which was incredibly rare at Kuromorimine. Kikuyo felt a mixture of admiration and envy towards her—after all, she would give anything to be like her.

"Someday you'll have your chance, Captain Ōhira... And in the battle, she'll take my place..." Nanami-senpai attempted her usual tone with fairly good results and gave Kikuyo a reassuring pat on the shoulder, as if to boast about her, "This is Idegami Kikuyo, my protege."

"It'll be an honor to against you, Vice-Captain Ōhira," she said, feeling her throat tighten with fear. What had Nanami-senpai gotten her into? If she failed, leaving Captain Nishizumi defenseless due to her incompetence, the high schoolers would surely tear him apart. If she miraculously survived this situation, she'd certainly die of shame afterward. Unfortunately, she doubted she'd have the right to an honorable suicide.

"Ah, well then, congratulations! And good luck, it won't be an easy task.

"I'm aware... but I'll give it my all! "In truth, that was all she could do—facing inevitable defeat, to still rise to the occasion.

"Keep it up! "With that, Captain Ōhira clapped her hands in approval, then discreetly glanced at her watch "I must be off now, it was nice talking with you both! Good luck again, Idegami-san!

With that, she briskly walked away, waving goodbye before disappearing from their view. Once Ōhira-senpai was out of sight, Nanami also checked her watch and visibly panicked at the time she saw displayed, her face filled with pure horror.

"Oh no, it's too late! I wanted to introduce you to the rest and explain everything before practice, but now we won't make it!

"I'm sorry, Nanami-senpai, didn't you inform the rest of the team earlier?

An awkward silence fell, clearly indicating she shouldn't have asked. Unfortunately, she couldn't turn back time; if she could, she would have definitely bitten her tongue because although her question was valid, it was certainly not the right time.

"No... "Nanami-senpai managed after a moment, trying not to cry. She sank onto the bench where Captain Ōhira had just been seated "It all came together last minute, and besides, I wanted to avoid it for as long as possible because I didn't have the strength for that conversation. And it's better to present Saye and Haruko with a fait accompli than to try to discuss it with them, they certainly won't be thrilled... I'm sorry I got you involved in all this... "With these words, she hid her face in her hands and began to sob quietly, trying her best to hold back the tears.

Kikuyo wasn't sure what to do in this situation, but her intuition guided her to one solution, risky, irresponsible, and perhaps inappropriate as it was—it was still better than watching Nanami-senpai cry. She sat down next to her and gently embraced her. When Nanami didn't protest, Kikuyo began to stroke her back gently. She remembered her mother always doing this for her when she cried, so she hoped it would help Nanami-senpai too.

"Please don't worry, Nanami-senpai. Everything will work out somehow, and we'll figure it out together..."

"We could meet during lunch break and then go together to announce it. I'll make sure to find you in the cafeteria," Nanami said after a moment, evidently regaining some composure.

"Let's do that. But first, focus on calming down, okay?"

"Okay..." she replied, starting to clean her glasses with the hem of her skirt. Apparently, the repetitive, circular motion of the fabric on the smooth glass helped her calm down, as she did it for a while, almost in a trance-like state. "Thank you, Kikuyo-chan. You're truly saving my life today."

In her wildest dreams, Kikuyo never expected such a situation to occur, except perhaps in some illogical, twisted dream supposedly expressing her deepest, unconscious desires. She had always wanted to get close to the elite of the Division, but unlike most, not to gain power and privileges, but because she was curious what kind of people those mighty Tanker Maidens were really like, what lay behind their perfectly crafted masks devoid of weaknesses. This parasocial relationship may not have been much more noble reason than the first one, but Kikuyo wanted to believe that she would use the knowledge gained for something good, to become the best version of herself, modeled after those idols she held in such high regard.

If a week ago someone had told her she would be so close to the famous Nanami Shimakawa, hugging her and trying to comfort her, she either wouldn't have believed it or would have died of happiness. But when it really happened, she didn't enjoy this situation at all because she was genuinely worried about Nanami-senpai. She felt that the problems she was truly dealing with were too serious for her to handle alone, and even worse, they were those kinds of problems that no girl should have to ever face, because the world should have worked differently.

The illusion that Nanami had so carefully constructed, and in which Kikuyo believed so deeply, had just shattered into pieces, and one of them pierced Kikuyo right through her heart, making her feel Nanami's suffering as her own, but didn't regret it at all, no matter how much pain it would cause her. She was willing to do anything to help her piece together those fragments and become whole again, or if it turned out it was impossible to do that, Kikuyo would embrace those shards close to her heart, to just not let Nanami be all alone in this suffering.

---

As soon as the bell rang to announce the start of the lunch break, Kikuyo hurried to the dining hall to get a good place in line and finish her meal as soon as possible, just as Nanami-senpai had asked her to do. She was really lucky, because if her class wasn't in the part of the school that was closest to the dining hall, she would have had to walk a much longer distance, maybe even run, to make sure she arrived on time. She was one of the first to arrive at the dining hall, where she managed to get a seat away from the crowd, against the wall, where she wouldn't be bothering anyone. All by herself, just as usual.

Somehow, the monotony of everyday life couldn't kill their admiration for this huge hall, which was more like a ballroom than an ordinary cafeteria, where someone had just temporarily set up plain tables and chairs for the students to dine, because at night, under the light of gilded chandeliers, in these walls covered in expensive marble and precious stucco, the sounds of a waltz would flow, and the Prussian aristocracy would dance until dawn.

But that never happened. In the early years of the school, academies, balls and ceremonies were indeed held here, but this was before the completion of the large concert hall, where the most important events were moved because of its larger size and ability to accommodate the great number of Kuromorimine students. The most significant of those events was, of course, the Graduation Ceremony.

There was one exception to this principle —Inauguration of The Cultural Festival still took place here, because the concert hall was exclusively used for the Music Department's Concert, featuring even a full scale philharmonic orchestra. This Concert was practically the most important cultural event in Kuromorimine, at least in terms of classical music. As the school's tradition was deeply rooted in achievements of German culture, a great importance, almost as great as on Sensha-dō , was placed at one of its greatest creations — German classical music. Kikuyo couldn't help feeling bad for Nanami, over whom these two great forces, that held souls' rule over Kuromorimine – music and Sensha-dō , fought so fiercely to ultimately pull her onto one side or the other. It surely mist have caused internal conflicts and moral dilemmas inside Nanami, that Kikuyo probably couldn't even imagine to comprehend.

Before she finished eating, Kikuyo spotted Nanami-senpai in the crowd near the entrance, who also noticed her and waved before hurrying over. From a distance, she looked exactly like the same Nanami Shimakawa as always, with her perfect yet seemingly effortless hairstyle, casually framing her face with wavy bangs, creating a look reminiscent of a romanticist poet..

"Hello! Sorry it took me so long to find you, there's quite a big crowd, isn't there? How are you feeling? Not too stressed out, I hope?" Nanami asked as she sat down opposite her.

"For now, I'm just a little nervous... but it'll probably get worse later..."

During the morning training, she was so busy that she didn't have time to dwell on what was to come, but as each class period passed, she started to think about it more and more, to the point where it was difficult for her to focus during Japanese class, which was her last period before lunch. She knew herself well enough to know, from now on, it would only get worse.

"Yeah... I'm really sorry I dragged you into all of this..."

"No, really, there's no need to apologize! And how are you feeling, Nanami-senpai? Is everything alright?"

"Honestly... I feel awful. I'm so stressed out that I couldn't eat anything today. I just want all of this to be over... But forgive me, I don't feel like talking about it," she said, looking down and avoiding her gaze.

"I understand... It would be best if we did this as quickly as possible. Are you ready, Nanami-senpai?"

"As I'll ever be. Let me just put away your dishes for you, okay?"

Kikuyo nodded, and Nanami, after placing the tray on a nearby cart, gave Kikuyo a sign to follow her towards the stairs leading up to the mezzanine, rising above the entire dining hall, from which those privileged enough to secure a spot could look down on common mob below them, in both literal, and metaphorical sense.

W Kuromorimine, no one pretended that everyone was equal. The existence of hierarchy in the school was treated as a sacred law that no sane person would question. To have the right to exist in Kuromorimine, one had to belong to this structure — simply put, one had to be obedient to someone, or have someone from whom could demand obedience.

This structure was omnipresent in every social interaction, and one of its more visible manifestations was the existence of a semi-formal group of school elites, who took their customary name from of one of the three characters in the school's name—the best of the best were called "Students from the Peak"

To earn membership in this group, unlike the Soriority from Dear Brother… or the Tea Garden from the Saint Gloriana Girls' Collafe, no formal invitation came, nor were there any organized selections — tradition and hierarchy in Kuromorimine were so ingrained in the collective unconsciousness that those who knew they did deserve place in it did not need any special confirmation of that. Traditionally, however, it included the Student Council President and it's other high level members, the Disciplinary Committee Chairperson, the heads of the most important School Clubs, as well as students who achieved the highest academic scores or a scholarships from Ministry of Education, along with the wealthiest of all students. And, of course, the High School and Middle School Division Captains, along with their crews, and other most accomplished members od Sensha-dō team.

Following Nanami, Kikuyo tried not to look around too much, resisting the temptation to overtly observe the school elite. It never crossed her mind that she would ever find herself here, so she felt truly, deeply intimidated. She dared to lift her gaze only when she was absolutely certain that she was facing Captain Nishizumi's crew table. Michiru Amamiya smiled kindly at her, as if anticipating what was about to happen, and Captain Nishizumi acknowledged her presence with a glance, though she did not react in any other way.

It was only now, at this very moment, that Kikuyo began to wonder how in the world, in a place like Kuromorimine, where any sign of uniqueness was looked down upon, could Captain Nishizumi's crew be made up of individuals with such eccentric, distinct personalities? Perhaps was it to see if five completely different, distinctive personalities of girls endowed with genius could work together to form an ideal team? Or was it some kind of social experiment to see how long such a group could suppress their extreme individualism before they crossed the invisible line of tolerated behaviour in Kuromorimine?

She had already had the opportunity to exchange a few words with Captain Nishizumi, Amamiya and Shimakawa-senpai, and each of them had made a stunning impression on her, but it was the other two members of this crew, loader Haruko Miyamoto and driver Saya Yoshizawa whose personalities were resembling of a raging storm, and meeting them, to most, feelt like being struck by a lightening.

Loaders usually don't have much of a career - Sensha-dō fans don't care about their existence, and even in Division, as the very bottom of the crew hierarchy, they usually disappear somewhere in the crowd. Haruko Miyamoto, on the other hand, was a kind of symbol, a false hope with which Kuromorimine deceived the masses into believing that even those who did not come from a wealthy family could rise to the top of the school's hierarchy if they were willing to put their whole soul into the painstaking and relentless struggle to meet Kuromorimine's sometimes downright absurd demands.

As well as being famous for the tangle of copper-red curls that framed her face and her mischievous smile, Miyamoto was also known for being energetic, loud and unafraid to seek the attention of the crowd - in fact, she seemed to live for their attention and was prepared to do anything to get it. Among Captain Nishizumi's crew, she was the one who seemed the most human of them all - it was hard to treat her like an unattainable Sensha-dō goddess, and that was what the crowd loved about her.

However, it was Saya Yoshizawa, the driver, who stood in the spotlight and drew the attention of the entire Kuromorimine. As the school's top student, on the verge of achieving perfection by consistently scoring almost perfect results in exams, she stood on a pedestal as a symbol of contemporary wisdom, demonstrated by her impeccable ability to excel in multiple-choice tests. As for the demands that Kuromorimine placed on its students, it would be fair to compare them to hell on earth - anyone who couldn't achieve results above the national average from a curriculum that went beyond what the Ministry of Education expected had, to put it mildly, an unpromising future.

However, not only was Yoshizawa a master at fitting into this system, which paradoxically was not always synonymous with real intelligence, but Saya was truly a genius, blessed with a mutual love of the queen of sciences herself, mathematics. She won many of the mathematics competitions and olympiads she entered, including international ones, and there were rumours that she was already guaranteed a place among the top students of the University of Tokyo.

As in the case of Nanami Shimakawa, the students wondered why someone like Yoshizawa, who almost had the whole world at her feet, would risk losing it all by putting her life on the line to join the Sensha-dō team. Little did they know about the true nature of Yoshizawa - she was anything but a polite and humble bookworm.

Societal structure in Kuromorimine, that put her on pedestal, above crowd of those pitiful mortals, caused her to develop sense of superiority and omnipotence, bordering even on a God complex. She came to conclusion, that if she can become school queen of mathematics, she has it in herself to be the best at whatever she wants to do, and when it came to Sensha-dō , she was right. Her astonishing driving skills, Shimakawa's accuracy and intuition, Miyamoto's loading speed and Amamiya's communication skills composed an extraordinary crew, worthy of captain's Nishizumi genious.

And now, Kikuyo was standing in front of those people, hoping, to become one of them. She would never even dare to think about it herself, but Nanami-senpai was trying to do the impossible, which was forcing her into a role she absolutely did not belong in. It clearly showed how desperate she was.

"Hello, girls!" Nanami greeted, forcing a cheerful tone, but anyone who had known her for more than five minutes or possessed even a little emotional intelligence would have sensed that something was amiss, and certainly not something pleasant.

"Good morning!" she greeted them as well, bowing not only to be polite but also to minimise the chance of making eye contact with any of her senpais.

However, Yoshizawa-senpai lifted her eyes from her book and gave her a cold stare that sent a shiver down her spine. The glance seemed to convey an almost threatening question: "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I have something important to tell you. I'm sorry it's now, but there hasn't been a chance before. I'm also sorry that it's so sudden..." Every word of Nanami's and the trembling in her voice indicated that this was a matter of great importance and that she was clearly uncomfortable discussing it.

"Get to the point, Nanami. What's this all about?" Yoshizawa asked gruffly, loudly expressing the impatience that was obviously felt by the entire crew, including herself. It was obvious that Nanami's speech was a game of time, intended to obscure the core of the matter, which she seemed so reluctant to address.

"From now on, I won't be at every other training session, because I have to practice for the Cultural Festival Concert. During this time, Idegami Kikuyo will replace me."

"I appreciate being entrusted with this honour and I look forward to a productive collaboration with you!" Kikuyo said, honoring all rules of the honorific speech bowing deeply once again.

However, no one reacted in any way to her or Nanami's words. Silence filled her ears and she could hear her heart beating faster and faster. The tension in the air was suddenly so intense that you could cut it with a knife, which was not a good sign.

"Are you kidding, Nanami-chan? What the hell does that mean?" asked Haruko Miyamoto in disbelief, her voice filled with as much surprise as anger.

"It means that the concert programme has been changed, and I'm playing a more difficult piece that I don't feel as confident with as the one before, so it's going to require a lot more work from me. Besides, I have changed teachers and she wants me to practice with her every single day..."

"I don't want to hear your excuses!" Saya Yoshizawa suddenly shouted, cutting Nanami off almost mid-sentence. "That's ridiculous, Nanami. Do you think you are the only one who has other responsibilities besides Sensha-dō ?"

"This is in no way my fault because it was not my decision, but I am doing everything I can to minimize the impact on all of you. You needed a gunner, so I found a replacement. What else could I have done!?" Although Nanami initially spoke with irritation, but in somewhat normal volume, she ended her statement by shouting so loudly that it caught the attention of Captain Aizawa, who was sitting a few meters away, and she pierced Nanami with an icy glare.

"Of course, it's easiest to blame someone else!" Saya retorted, also raising her voice.

"Do you think I want to do this? That I'm doing this on purpose to annoy you!?"

"Saya-san, Nanami-san, please, stop shouting. It won't solve anything!" Michiru suddenly intervened with her decisive tone, the same tone she used to issue orders, and as she stood up abruptly, both Nanami and Saya fell silent immediately.

"Shiho-san, say something! How could you let this happen?" Haruko asked in an accusing tone, her face red with suppressed anger. From her point of view, Captain Nishizumi, who had known about Nanami's situation from the beginning and who had decided not to inform the rest of the crew, as if it had been a matter between the two of them that hadn't been worth sharing until the very last moment, was also somewhat responsible for the whole affair. She also remained completely passive during the argument between the crew, which was made all the more serious by the fact that it took place in a public place.

"I approved of it. Are you questioning my orders?" Nishizumi finally spoke with a firm, uncompromising tone, shooting them a gaze so chilling that it seemed capable of halting even the vibration of atoms.

""Nevermind…" Haruko said in a weak tone, giving up completely. In the end, it was up to Captain Nishizumi to have the last word in this discussion.

Thanks to her, the situation immediately calmed down, for which Kikuyo, who had been paralysed with fear, stuck in the eye of this emotional cyclone, was endlessly grateful. She knew that no one would be happy with this turn of events, and Captain Nishizumi's crew would certainly not welcome her with open arms, but she could not have predicted that it would be this bad.

She should have suspected that it might end up like this, so that she could somehow prepare for it, but still, she did not allow herself that possibility. This was because, instead of taking Nanami's concerns more seriously, as someone who knew much better what relationships within the crew were like, she had taken her reasonable doubts as just another symptom of her fears and ignored them, in the naive belief that somehow it would work out.

And just now, as she was a mute witness to yet another argument today, another of her illusions about the perfection of those she believed to be her ideals that supposedly had always made up such an effective crew Captain Nishizumi collapsed, she began to fear what she would come to discover as she went further down this path. She was aware that Kuromorimine harbored numerous undisclosed secrets, and although the ones she had recently uncovered were not that terrifying, she dreaded the prospect of discovering that her entire understanding of Kuromorimine was false, and being left with only profound sense of ignorance.

---

Finally, the moment of truth arrived, and there was no chance to retreat now, as Kikuyo was now sitting in the most important tank of the Middle School Division - the one commanded by Captain Nishizumi herself. Today was the day she would find out if she really had any value as a member of Sensha-dō team, if she was worthy of Nanami-senpai's trust and of being part of the Division. She was putting the only thing of value she possessed on the line - her own honour, and was as ready as she had ever been to defend it.

Ultimately, all tanks of the same type look the same, so she tried to pretend that it wasn't Captain Nishizumi's tank, but it wasn't working so good. She had always been on the side of those who believed that each tank had its own soul and was a separate entity, sometimes even suspecting that it had its own consciousness, character and emotions. It sounded like something someone on the verge of insanity might say, but in a symbiotic relationship as close as the one between the tankers and their vehicle, on which their survival depended, there was apparently room to believe in such things. Personally, Kikuyo could not help but think that their tanks were sad when they failed to protect their those who rode them from harm, unable to fullfill the purpose of their existence. She knew that it was yet another sign that she was being too infantile and overly sympathetic, but that was something that she was not likely to be able to change in herself.

As she finished checking whether all the equipment she was responsible for was ready for the upcoming training, she began to ponder whether she should step forward and offer assistance to Yoshizawa or Amami, who were inspecting the conditions of the tracks? Or perhaps she should wait to be asked to do so? She had no clue about the unwritten rules of Captain Nishizumi's crew, which only added to her stress. She glanced quickly at Miyamoto-senpai, who was also finishing loading the machine gun.

"Don't think you'll be staying here for long. Nanami is the gunner here, and nothing will change that," Miyamoto-senpai suddenly remarked, apparently sensing her gaze. "Good luck. You'll need it, because I'll enjoy watching you embarrass yourself."

She could understand where Miyamoto-senpai's resentment towards her was coming from; after all, she was someone who was a stranger, in addition to being here instead of someone Haruko was very close to. Besides, she remembered the conversation at lunch and had a suspicion that it was her that the red-haired charger was projecting the anger she felt towards Nanami, by whom she probably felt betrayed. Kikuyo understood the feeling and who knows, maybe she would have felt the same in Haruko's place.

Through the open hatch, she heard someone's distinct footsteps, then caught sight of Captain Nishizumi's silhouette. She guessed that before they set off, the captain would brief them again on today's maneuvers, so she followed Miyamoto-senpai, quickly hopping down from the turret and approaching the driver's hatch, where Captain Nishizumi had spread out a map, marked with positions. With a pencil, Nishizumi marked a long path through the woods, stretching across almost the entire training grounds, leading to an open field where maneuvers were typically practiced.

"First, we'll practice marching in a column. Maintaining proper distances between tanks, marching pace, camouflage — primarily Yoshizawa's tasks. Idegami, don't expect an attack on the column; you should focus on concentration and vigilance in observing your field of fire. Miyamoto, you'll be assisting me on the turret. Amamiya, as usual, handle communication. I need to know the exact position of the every tank at all times and ensure we're not encroaching into the High School's operational area. They have a training match on the far side of the range today, and I want to be certain"

As she spoke, she circled a large area on the map where the High School would be training. "Then regroup, and we'll practice formations. Yoshizawa, Amamiya, I'm going to expect the most from the two of you. If the school division has left the range by the time we're done, we'll practice acquiring and shooting at stationary targets, although I doubt it will come to that. Any questions?"

"No, Captain Nishizumi!" they answered in unison.

"Then, to your tank!"

---

The tanks came to a halt at the edge of the forest, still hidden in the shade of the trees. In front of them stretched a flat, grassy plain, dotted here and there with low bushes, all the way up to the hills rising at the edge of the training area, and the entire aircraft carrier, the tallest of which could be called a mountain. From what Captain Nishizumi had said, it was there that the High School was training combat in the difficult, wooded and mountainous terrain, as evidenced by the sound of cannon blasts and machine gun rounds carried by the wind.

Captain Nishizumi took advantage of a short break when they finally arrived at the training area to call the platoon leaders together and explain once again what they would be doing today. With Honami sure to be there, Kikuyo was tempted to hide in the tank until today's exercises were over, but on the other hand, Miyamoto-senpai was still inside, and she didn't want to disturb her either. Finally, after hearing that she might have to shoot today after all, the stress made her want to get some fresh air.

She sat just inside the open hatch of the radio room and silently, listening to the sound of a light breeze, watched Miss Amamiya carefully study the map of the training ground, glancing over her shoulder to remind herself of its topography too. She was the only one she trusted enough to know that her presence would not disturb her. Kikuyo focused her gaze on the maze of narrow, steep paths in the mountainous part of the training ground, wondering how the high school girls were handling their heavy tanks in such difficult terrain, and whether the pass at the bottom of which ran the only wide, concrete road in the area would be heavily fought over again. She preferred not to look in the direction of the firing range, where she might soon have to show what she could do.

"How are you doing? Is everything all right?" Michiru suddenly asked.

"Yeah.. Well… No, I don't think so..." Kikuyo replied, her uncertainty evident.

"That's because maybe there will be shooting today, right?"

Kikuyo nodded, feeling a knot of anxiety tighten in her stomach. She knew that the more she let herself worry, the harder it would be to stay focused, but she couldn't seem to break free from this downward spiral.

"Don't worry, you'll manage somehow. I believe in you. And as for Haruko-chan... don't let her bother you. She can be unpleasant because she's not fond of strangers and can be a bit jealous. But she'll come around eventually, you'll see."

"I don't think that's necessary..." Kikuyo murmured.

She knew that the best she could hope for was cool neutrality from Captain Nishizumi's crew, and that was all she wanted for now. So far, Yoshizawa-senpai had barely acknowledged her presence, and Miyamoto-senpai had only made a few sarcastic remarks. As long as no one wanted to do her any serious harm, she would be fine. She couldn't imagine deserving anything more.

"I think it is. The crew needs to be united, and in my opinion, the easiest way to achieve that is to like each other, even a little bit, right? Well, others may have a different opinion, but so far they have not given me any strong enough arguments against mine."

"You may be right, Amamiya-senpai. You may be right, Amamiya-senpai. After all, my crew, where nobody likes each other, is not doing well. "

She smiled bitterly, then began to think about what was going happen when things got back to normal and she went back to being Honami's gunner. She knew very well that it would be bad, so she tried to concentrate on staying in the present, which seemed like a fleeting dream that could turn into a nightmare at any moment, if she didn't try hard enough to keep it in the right balance. She really had to do her best.

---

Once the exercise began, Kikuyo's eyes quickly adjusted to the tank's dim interior, but she still couldn't get into the right headspace, still feeling stressed and insecure as if it were the first time she'd been inside a tank. This was not a good sign.

She really didn't have much to do, as Captain Nishizumi had said. She kept a close eye on her surroundings through the viewfinder, making sure that as the formation changed, the turret, and the direction of fire, were facing the right way. It wasn't really anything complicated, although she regretted a little that she had a chat with Michiru instead of listening to Captain Nishizumi explain how exactly they were going to practise the formations. Granted, Captain Nishizumi had explained to her crew afterwards exactly what they had to do, so she hadn't lost on anything, anything, but she would have felt more confident if she had heard the same thing twice.

She heard Captain Nishizumi issuing commands, but the specific words were drowned out by the engine's rumble and the clanking of metal. She was caught in a state of tense idleness, unsure of what to think. On one hand, she was relieved that, for now, she wasn't risking offending Captain Nishizumi's or her crew's with her questionable skills. On the other hand, when she had nothing to do, the stress became stronger and stronger, because it had no outlet, leaving her overwhelmed by a surge of now useless adrenaline.

She sat rigidly in place, trapped in stiffness of own her tense body. Although Yoshizawa-senpai maneuvered the tank over rough terrain far better than Kanoko, who was Honami's driver, ever could, every jolt and sway of the tank painfully reverberated through her body.

"Relax," Captain Nishizumi suddenly said, causing Kikuyo to jump in surprise. "You're stiff and trying to resist when the tank rocks over bumps. You and the tank are one; you must follow its movement, not fight against it."

"Yes, understood!"

Who would have thought that joining Captain Nishizumi's crew would reveal her inability to even sit properly in a tank! Nonetheless, she took a deep breath and paradoxically, focused all her strength on relaxing. Instead of tension and stress, she immersed herself in feeling the tank's movement and becoming one with it. She couldnt' say that she had shed the confines of her consciousness and merged with the metal, but she did feel much more at ease. She could better concentrate on her task and truly appreciate Yoshizawa-senpai's skillful technique. The tank smoothly accelerated and decelerated, and every bump felt almost like waves gently rocking a boat. With such a driver, shooting at successful shooting, while moving, seemed genuinely possible.

"Much better," Nishizumi remarked after a moment. "I just received a message from the High School Team; they've used up all their ammunition during the match, so they won't be training at the firing range. Get ready."

"Yes, understood," Kikuyo replied, striving to convey nothing but obedience and readiness to perform her duty. No excitement, no fear, no anxiety...

She began to understand the purpose of the battle that Kuromorimine and his Sensha-dō waged against all emotions, even positive ones. In the absence of emotions, there was more room for concentration and taking action. By shedding humanity, one could ascend to a higher level, beyond human weaknesses, to achieve perfection, allowing the undisturbed power of might to manifest itself in the real world through their Sensha-dō .

Sometimes the temptation of loosing hersel completly seemed alluring to her; at other times it filled her with deep existential dread. But the temptation to give in was always there. But what was the point of all this inner struggle when she knew that none of it would be possible for her?

Her willpower was too weak to smother her humanity; her emotions and self-perceptions had the all the power over her soul, and to change this state of affairs seemed impossible, at least in her mind. She could only try, with pitiful results, to pretend to be in complete control of herself, which might have seemed somewhat effective from the outside. But it was just an illusion, a trick she used to prevent anyone from knowing how weak she really was. If anyone could see through her facade, these efforts would surely appear as laughable as they were pitiful.

---

The sun has already crossed an invisible line in the sky beyond which it can be said with certainty that it is beginning to set. Even so, it would still be a long time before it got dark. Normally, at this point in the training, Kikuyo would start to feel tired, but she couldn't afford that now. After all, she was about to face the most challenging task of her Sensha-dō career - training on the range, as a gunner for Captain Nishizumi herself, who, if Kikuyo did not give her absolute best, she might lose the remainings of the illusion that Nanami Shimakawa could be replaced by anyone, and certainly not by someone as pathetic as Kikuyo Idegami.

The layout of the targets on the firing range, as well as small obstacles such as sandbags, simple wooden structures, small piles of rubble or stacks of tyres, changed every week, created by the hard work of those condemned to this activity as punishment for particularly flagrant offences, such as damaging a tank through negligence or incompetence, or falling victim to an enemy team during a match. Occasionally, schoolgirls who were not members of the Division and who had seriously angered the Disciplinary Committee were also sent to work.

It must have been arduous work, especially since it was done on Saturdays and Sundays, the only days when one could count on a moment's leisure in Kuromorimine. As far as she knew, this sisyphean task was done mainly by the crew of the infamous Shōko Hayashi. Kikuyo suspected that as soon as she finished middle school, she too would be setting targets, digging trenches, and piling up rubble as part of her punishment for bringing shame upon Kuromorimine.

But that wasn't what was relevant now - what mattered was the task at hand, which she'd probably done an infinite number of times before, which was to target acquisition. Repeating this exercise week after week until most of the girls got bored of it made a lot of sense; first of all, it helped teach the girls to mark distances and targets in practice, and in addition, many schools used defensive tactics based on camouflage - the better the Kuromorimine Sensha-dō team was at finding hidden targets, the quicker they would be at destroying camouflaged Maginot, Keizoku or Bonple's defensive positions.

The exercise required a team of tanks to advance from behind a hill on a signal and then find and destroy as many targets as possible within five minutes before the other tanks did. It sounded simple in theory, but it really wasn't - it required a lot of effort, skill and, above all, perfect coordination with the tank captain. Honami Shinobu was absolutely terrible at it, but Kikuyo at least knew her, now that she was under the command of Shiho Nishizumi, she didn't really know what to expect or what was expected of her. After all, they were complete strangers to each other, how could they possibly succeed?

She shouldn't have dwelled on it; she should have remained focused, glued to the sights, ready to shoot, instead of letting her thoughts wander in entirely different directions. But as she tried to concentrate, she felt the stress intensify, and how sweaty and shaky her hands were, eagerly waiting to turn the turret and finally pull the trigger.

"Panzer Vor!" ordered Captain Nishizumi to the whole unit, and the tank surged forward, causing the air to tremble, set in motion by the engine's vibrations.

As they emerged from behind the hill, she immediately noticed a target straight ahead, resting against a stack of tires, and another at two o'clock. She also thought she caught a glimpse of part of a target in the bushes to the left, but allowing herself to be distracted by a potential illusion was the worst thing she could do. The target straight ahead was about a thousand, no, less, 900 meters away.

"Miyamoto, load the armor-piercing!" commanded Nishizumi. "Target at twelve o'clock, distance 900 meters. Fire when ready."

Despite the distance, Kikuyo could see the target well and it wasn't particularly difficult to hit, but she felt pressure to shoot as quickly as possible, and that threw her off. The sound of the blast shook her to her core like she was struck by a lightening, she heard loud clang of shell casing dropping, and as the air was filling with smell of smoke and gunpowder, she realised that the shell flew past the left side of the target, just narrowly missing it. She almost panicked, how could she have let that happen?

"Once more!" ordered in harsh tone Nishizumi, once she realised that the shell missed.

This time, Kikuyo was confident she would hit, but the uncertainty of waiting frightened her so much that when the triangle in the center of her sight lined up with the center of the target and she squeezed the trigger, she closed her eyes, unable to bear the uncertainty. Fortunately for her, she had nothing to fear; she hit the target.

"Next, to the right, at four o'clock. Distance 700."

"Yes!"

As she rotated the turret, she felt it increasingly difficult to concentrate. She wanted to hit the target on her first attempt and be certain this time. Again, in choosing her strategy, she made a mistake — she hesitated for too long. When she was finally ready to fire and squeezed the trigger, she could only watch as someone else, likely Captain Fujihara, hit the target instead, and the shot she fired landed precisely where the target had been just a second earlier. A muttered curse slipped out under her breath — she was in a loud tank, so no one heard it. Besides, it helped relieve some of her frustration.

"Captain Nishizumi, I think I saw one at ten o'clock, covered by a net, next to the bushes. Distance is 600 meters..." she said, thinking that perhaps proving her observance could salvage some shreds of honor.

"Indeed, but the distance is 550 meters. Fire at that one."

Being right motivated her, and somehow, all unnecessary thoughts fell silent, and she felt that pleasant emptiness of clarity in her mind, which she loved about Sensha-dō . Maybe she had already ingrained herself enough in the rhythm of the task, or maybe her small success added to her motivation; in any case, the final aiming at the target seemed to her to be the simplest thing she could do in life. She did not hesitate for a moment and sent the shell right into the center of the crosshair on the target, from which, along with the camouflage net covering it, little was left.

Unfortunately, the next targets didn't go as smoothly for her, as she only managed to hit about half of them on the first attempt. At times, she even had to fire twice, but Miyamoto-senpai's quick reloading speed meant that her mistakes didn't cause as much delay as she initially thought. She didn't dwell on it too much. When she finally achieved the difficult state of full concentration that was so challenging for her to reach, she didn't have time for such thoughts. She was so focused that when Captain Nishizumi announced the end of the exercise, it took her a few seconds to snap back to reality.

She rubbed her eyes softly, and leaned back on her seat, feeling the tension disappearing from her body, leaving her completely worn out. She really did it; she really didn't embarrass herself here, and in a moment of blissful hubris, she thought she did somewhat well. She knew that doing well was a bare minimum here, but she felt at peace with herself by reaching it for the first time in a long time. How wonderful it would be to remain in this state of calmness, free from hurt and self-disdain that comes from making mistakes and being a failure, for longer than this short moment of oblivion? She could only guess how that would feel.

---

By the time they made it back to the hangar, the sun was already setting. After the engine quieted and Kikuyo no longer felt its vibrations, a sense of emptiness overcame her. Was this really the end, just like that? She momentarily froze in stillness, still not fully comprehending that it was all over and that she had managed somehow. She quickly crawled out and joined the rest of the crew in a line, standing right next to Miyamoto-senpai. Then, without a word, they marched off to the assembly square, where the entire crew took their rightful place at the forefront, closest to Captain Nishizumi and Fujihara, who were about ten meters away.

She felt no temptation to look back to where the rest of the Division gathered, and where she usually stood with Honami and the rest of the crew, preferring instead to pretend, if only for a brief moment, her right place here, at the front of the Division, among the best. Of course, she knew perfectly well that she didn't deserve it, that it was merely a rare occasion, the result of random twists of fate, not her actual merits. Nevertheless, for a moment, she wanted to immerse herself in the illusion, where nothing and no one would be standing between her, and Captain Nishizumi.

"The purpose of today's training is to show you the direction of the strategy of the division. We must develop a strong will, strict discipline in following orders and precision in working together if we are to achieve victory in the future. We can never afford to lack discipline or act on our own whims. Only as a unified force are we worthy of Kuromorimine's honor!"

"Yes Captain!" the entire Division chorused in response.

"From now on, training will only get harder. We need to be in top shape for the winter series of practice matches. The first match, against Bonple Middle School, is scheduled for the 10th of November. The next, against a team formed by Saint Gloriana Academy and Maple Girls' High School, will take place in February."

In response to these words, there was an immediate murmur of whispered reactions and comments. It was big news, after all. If Kikuyo had to be honest, she had been expecting completely different opponents. After all, for obvious reasons, Kuromorimine's relationship with Bonple, a school heavily influenced by Polish culture, wasn't that good, making friendly matches between the two schools incredibly rare, but also, due to difference in skill level between the teams, Kuromorimine's victory was almosct certain. Could it be that, for some reason, the Bonple students had a masochistic desire to once again taste defeat?

On the other hand, she wasn't overly surprised that they would face off against Saint Gloriana. However, their opponents decision to join forces with Maple, a school with much less potential in Sensha-dō compared to St. Gloriana, which theoretically should be able to hold its own against Kuromorimine alone, did surprise her. Her suspicion was that it was a matter of internal school of schools within the sphere of influence of the Saint Gloriana, about which she had no clue.

What she did know was that this wasn't going to be an easy match - after all, the middle school divisions of Kuromorimine and Saint Gloriana were on roughly equal level. It must have been particularly infuriating for the girls of Saint Gloriana that despite this supposed equality, Kuromorimine were undefeated in Middle School matches, which must have greatly enhanced their appetite for victory. Adding to the drama was the fact that recently, for many reasons, relations between the two schools had been really bad, to the extent that Kikuyo was beginning to fear this match.

She began to wonder why other schools hadn't decided to challenge them. Could it be that the departure of Chiyo Shimada, heiress of Shimada-ryū's, for an exchange in the United States had so affected the morale of the Saunders that they decided not to challenge Kuromorimine for fear of her power? And what about Pravda? Nothing was ever really certain about them, except that the final decision on who Pravda would fight would not be made on the school carrier Kiev, but at the Embassy of Soviet Union, and perhaps even in Moscow.

"However, before that happens, due to a change in the programme of the Cultural Festival, in addition to the traditional exhibition match between teams from the High School Division, there will be a special match - between a selected team from the Middle School Division and a team from the High School Division. With the future of the Division riding on the outcome of this match, it's your chance to prove your worth. Work hard to fight for the honour of Kuromorimine!

"Yes, understood!" the entire division chanted, somehow deeply moved by Captain Nishizumi's solemn tone, which so rarely replaced her usual monotonous one. Whenever that happened, it made Kikuyo's heart tremble.

"That's all, march off!"

The atmosphere immediately relaxed, and instead of the hushed whispers from earlier, the air was filled with the buzz of rather loud conversations. After all, Captain Nishizumi's latest announcement was truly sensational. Not only had the regular order of battles during the Cultural Festival been changed to give middle schoolers a chance to shine at such a prestigious occasion, but also, for some reason, the fate of Kuromorimine seemed to depend on it. What did Captain Nishizumi mean by that?

After a moment, the tank crews began to disperse in a more or less organized manner to attend to their remaining tasks, which included checking the tank's technical condition after training and, of course, cleanup duty. They would have to do those tasks too, but for now, they waited until Captain Nishizumi finished speaking with Captain Fujihara. The fact that this time Kikuyo was almost certain she wouldn't receive a reprimand from Fujihara made her feel completely different from when she waited for the same thing after training with her ussual crew.

Captain Nishizumi didn't talk to Fujihara for too long, but Kikuyo could no longer pretend that she wasn't impatient. This time, however, it was not because she wanted the training to end as soon as possible so that she could finally escape to her room to think about how much she disliked her life and how hopeless it was, sometimes daydreaming that Captain Nishizumi would grace her with a glance or say a word to her. Today, however, the both of these two things happened. And that awakened a feeling in Kikuyo that she never thought she was capable of - a desire, no, a yearning, for it to happen again, and again, and again...

As Captain Nishizumi walked back towards them, Kikuyo felt herself beginning to lose herself in her desire, something she tried to fight against, knowing it was not only very foolish, but at the very least inappropriate... but she found it almost impossible to stop herself. Had she been the heroine of a shoujo manga, the reality beyond her and Captain Nishizumi would surely have disappeared, drowned in flowers and turned into sparkles... or at least that's how it seemed inside her soul.

"Thank you all for today," Captain Nishizumi said, finally fulfilling Kikuyo's desire. "I need to go work in the office, so please check the tank, take care of the ammunition, and then have someone bring me the documents. Understood?"

"Yes!" they all replied together.

It may seem that this is all over - each of them will disperse to their duties, completely automatically, as it should be in Kuromorimine. But something, some remnant of intuition, sent into her consciousness an impulsive thought, a desire to do something out of place, beyond the confines of how she should act as a mere, insignificant and worthless parody of a tankery maiden. The speed at which that thought went from existing in her subconscious to becoming something she would do immediately, without a second thought, was so fast that it made it impossible for her to herself before it was too late.

"Captain Nishizumi!" she called out before the captain even had a chance to left in order to attend to her duties. Kikuyo suddenly felt the collective gaze of the entire crew and Captain Fujihara standing nearby, and in that moment, she realized what she was truly doing. After all, it was unthinkable for someone like her to speak out to her superior unprompted.

"What is it?" Captain Nishizumi asked in her usual flat tone. She didn't appear angry at Kikuyo's behavior, though Kikuyo detected a hint of surprise in her gaze. Perhaps forced, or maybe genuine.

"I apologize for my audacity... but could I ask how I performed today?" she inquired, her tone much more subdued. Only now did she fully realize what she had done and regretted not stopping herself sooner.

"Decently. I expected worse..." Captain Nishizumi responded.

"Really?" slipped out from Kikuyo again before she could restrain herself. She wouldn't dare accuse Captain Nishizumi of misleading her, but she couldn't believe she heard something that could be interpreted as praise.

"Yes. But next time, show that you're capable of more than that."

With that said, she and Vice Captain Fujihara left for the administrative section of the division buildings, leaving her slightly disoriented crew behind. Miss Michiru placed her hand on Kikuyo's shoulder and smiled proudly to her, as they finally returned to the hangar to attend to their duties.

"I knew you were going to do well. Good job!" Michiru said in almost excited tone.

"Thank you!" Kikuyo replied, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes as she couldn't remember the last time someone had praised her for something. It must have been when she was a child, no doubt by her parents, but it had been so long ago that the memory of such an event had completely slipped her mind.

"You may not be as hopeless as I thought, but you'll never be able even as half as good as Nanami is, no matter how hard you will try. Keep that in mind," Haruko sneered with a malicious grin. "And now we have work to do, so let's get started! The sooner we finish, the sooner we can leave!" She ordered the entire crew, as if she were in charge in the absence of Captain Nishizumi and Nanami-senpai. Apparently, this was indeed the case.

Today, many things had taken her completely by surprise and shattered her previous perceptions of the Division and Kuromorimine - one of these things was the fact that it was Miyamoto Haruko, widely liked in the Division and whom she wouldn't suspect of being mean, who turned out to be the most unfriendly towards her. Furthermore, Yoshizawa Saya, whom she feared the most, partly because of her conflicts with Nanami and her obvious anger about the whole situation, hardly acknowledged her presence, except for a few judgmental glances from time to time. Well, for someone like her, who was a genius in both mathematics and Sensha-dō , a person like Kikuyo was absolutely not worth her attention. Did she notice the change at all, or was she indifferent to it all? Well, perhaps it would have been better if she hadn't noticed anything at all.

---

After helping the rest of the crew with checking the tank's technical condition and dealing with their assigned cleanup duties in the office section of the division's buildings, which included sweeping corridors, taking out trash, and other much lighter and certainly less unpleasant tasks than, for example, cleaning toilets, Michiru-senpai asked Kikuyo to deliver documents to Captain Nishizumi and pass a message from Yoshizawa-senpai. During the check up, she Yoshizawa found out that there was some issue with the engine, which she planned to address early tomorrow morning, after figuring out what exactly was wrong. Given that she and Miyamoto-senpai were currently busy figuring out what exactly was the issue, and Michiru-senpai was asked to assist to help the senpai from the High School Division, it fell to her to deliver the documents. Besides, something made Kikuyo suspect that Michiru-senpai might have a hidden motive in this, about which she had certain suspicions.

While cleaning, she began to wonder why she managed to not embarrass herself today. The more she thought about it, the more she was convinced that both Nanami and Michiru were right – she indeed didn't have to worry so much about whether she would was good or not, because the success of this particular crew didn't depend on her actual skill level but on how effectively Captain Nishizumi could use her as just another parto of the tank. Of course, it would have been much better if Nanami or anyone better than her were in her place, but especially Miyamoto-senpai's and Captain Nishizumi's skills compensated for her imperfections. Well, a good warrior can handle even a not-so-good weapon; a poor one, however, even when wielding a good weapon, will likely pose a greater threat to themselves than to the enemy.

However, she also realized that simply doing decently wasn't enough for her anymore. Although most of the time she thought that as long as she wasn't a complete failure as a gunner, it would suffice, but today's events, along with the newfound desire awakened within her, made her feel like she needed to do something about herself. She had to improve herself, and with each passing moment, she felt more prepared to sacrifice more and more to achieve that goal. Perhaps that's why Michiru-senpai sent her with the documents? It was quite likely that she had guessed what Kikuyo desired and decided to enable her to pursue it. Considering their conversation last Saturday, Kikuyo's speculations could make quite a lot of sense.

Walking towards the office, she passed by Captain Fujihara, who gave her a fleeting glance but didn't utter a word, barely acknowledging her presence, which meant that she and Captain Nishizumi had probably finished their work. Otherwise, she wouldn't have left before Captain Nishizumi, and now she was likely going to ensure that the designated areas for the Junior Division's cleanup duty were properly cleaned, as she always did. In this way, she would be the last to leave the hangar because it wouldn't be appropriate for her to finish work before her superior. After a moment, she realized that perhaps she should somehow show her respect in some kind of way, but nothing in Vice-Captain Fujihara's demeanor suggested that she was offended.

She knocked on the door and went in without waiting for anyone to answer. She was firmly convinced that this was the way she should behave, besides, it was better for her to go in right away, otherwise, she might start looking for excuses to back out. Kikuyo knew full well that she was a coward, and if she could, she would have sabotaged her own subconscious to prevent this from happening. Today, somehow, time and time again, she found the strength to not allow herself to back down.

"Idegami Kikuyo reporting!"

"At ease," ordered Nishizumi, raising from the chair where she was seated.

"I brought the documents you had asked for. Additionally, Yoshizawa-senpai ordered me to report that she thinks something is wrong with the engine, but she doesn't know what yet. She will address it with Amamiya and Miyamoto-senpai tomorrow morning."

"Indeed, the engine didn't sound right today. I'll take care of it tomorrow..." she said, pausing, visibly displeased. "That's all, you may leave."

"Also, excuse me, there is one more matter I would like to discuss..."

"What's the matter then?"

"I am deeply grateful for your words of praise, Captain Nishizumi. However, simply performing decently does not satisfy me. I want to improve my effectiveness as a gunner, but I am unsure about the specific areas I need to improve. Therefore, if it is possible, I would be grateful if you could offer more detailed feedback on my performance so that I can address my mistakes and strive to become a gunner worthy of your team!"

"So you want my opinion on your as a gunner?" inquired Nishizumi, pausing for a moment. Indeed, the true meaning of Kikuyo's request might have been lost amidst unnecessary verbosity and honorific langage.

"Yes, that's correct!"

"Well, if that's what you want..." she began, taking a deep breath to prepare for a more detailed response. "You estimate distance adequately and understand where to aim to inflict damage. However, your reaction time is too slow. You tend to overthink, your responses should be more automatic, as in battle, as there's no time for unnecessary hesitation. Your performance in shooting moving targets is poor. At times, you behave as if you're in a tank for the first time. While this might be tolerated for a novice tank crew member, someone aiming for a higher level should have overcome these mistakes long ago. If you don't improve quickly, you may have to yield your position to someone more capable, worthy of Kuromorimine's honor."

Nishizumi listed her faults in a flat tone, as if reading from a long-prepared list, making it difficult for Kikuyo to fully focus on what was being said. Her various shortcomings and mistakes, outlined by Nishizumi, almost blended into a single stream of words. Perhaps it was because of the way the captain intoned her sentences? Nonetheless, Kikuyo understood the most important points clearly.

Although Captain Nishizumi didn't say anything that Kikuyo hadn't already suspected was her problem, hearing it from someone else, whose voice wasn't just a critical echo constantly reverberating in her mind, made her realize how much she had been sabotaging herself. She had always been deeply convinced that she was doing absolutely everything wrong and would never do anything right, no matter how much she tried. If her entire existence was an endless series of mistakes, then it meant nothing could be done. This almost sacred "You're doing everything wrong," with its vague absoluteness, prevented her from seeing the specifics that she could at least try to improve. Now, receiving a list from Captain Nishizumi that couldn't have been more specific about the things she needed to change, she felt, for the first time in her life, like she had even a bit of control over herself. And she wanted to dedicate that bit of agency to striving for the ideal represented by Captain Nishizumi standing before her.

However, her soul wasn't so willing to let her achieve this small triumph easily—despite clearly hearing that what had been said to her, and knowing perfectly well, that it was truly a constructive criticism, something inside her tried to distort that message, attempting to convince her that what Captain Nishizumi really meant was nonsense like "You can't do anything; you're a pathetic mistake who should never have disgrace Sensha-dō team like that". She fought against believing it, but nevertheless, the false, unspoken words hurt her enough that tears began to gather in her eyes.

"Yes, that's true... How can I improve then?" she asked with a trembling voice. Since Captain Nishizumi had given her this glimmer of hope, Kikuyo prayed in her soul that now she would show her the path she needed to follow to try to improve herself. If not, perhaps it would be better not to give her any hope at all, rather than raising her expectations by suggesting she could become better, only to swiftly crush those hopes without giving her a chance to try. This would leave Kikuyo forever burdened with the bitterness of knowing that she could escape her current hopeless fate if she desired and understood how to achieve it.

"Practice more. You need to develop correct habits and automatism in your actions; that's what it all boils down to..." Nishizumi said, as if stating the most obvious truth in the world, but then she paused, as if she had just remembered something. "Tomorrow morning, the High School Division will be practicing shooting at moving targets and shooting on the move. If you join me to help them, you'll be able to observe the High School's training and learn something from those better than you. Then, I can also explain a few things to you."

"Of course I'll come, it will be an honour!" she replied instinctively, before she could even begin to doubt the truth of what was happening.

Captain Nishizumi's proposal was unprecedented - she'd never heard of her offering anything like this to anyone who wasn't part of her crew or Captain Fujihara. She couldn't believe that she might be an exception, someone for whom the rules of the universe had been bent.

"Tomorrow at 6:15 in front of the hangar, don't be late. That'll be all."

"Yes, goodbye!"

As Kikuyo was about to grab the door handle and leave, she glanced out of the corner of her eye to see Captain Nishizumi preparing to leave as well, packing her bag. Suddenly, a risky thought, a certain desire, popped into her head, because obviously, after everything that had happened today, she still hadn't crossed all the boundaries - she could still push them a little further. She felt that today was the day she had so much unprecedented luck that it might work.

"Captain Nishizumi, on your way home, you pass by the tram stop, don't you?" she asked, bringing up what seemed like an innocent fact she had once observed by chance.

"I'm not sure how that's relevant, but yes, I do pass by," she replied indifferently.

"It just so happens that I'm getting on the tram there. Would you mind if we went that way together?" Her voice trembled as she spoke, and she could feel her heart pounding in her chest so strongly, as if it could break free at any second.

This time, it was clear that Nishizumi was deliberating over her words, which left Kikuyo confused. If Nishizumi had wanted to, she could have just said no, after all, she was the one who was higher up in the hierarchy and didn't have to pay any attention to her wishes, much less think about them. But for some reason, she did.

"No, I wouldn't have," she said after a while, making it seem to Kikuyo that this might be the day she would die of happiness.

---

As the two of them walked towards the school gates, the rosy auroras that adorned the evening sky were already fading, and the world was sinking into the purple shadows of dusk. The lamps were already lit, creating corridors of light between the islands of darkness that the trees and bushes that adorned the grounds of the school were about to become. It could not be said for certain that it was already dark, but the darkness that looked down upon them from these islands of shadow was trying to make it clear to them that the night was already here, and that it intended to wait just a little longer.

As she followed in the footsteps of Captain Nishizumi, Kikuyo felt that she was slowly losing faith that what had happened today had actually been real. Coincidence, unforeseen, almost impossible events... And the result of all this was that what she had thought impossible was now a reality - she was alone with Miss Nishizumi and she could talk to her just as she had dreamed of.

"Captain Nishizumi, I have no words to express how grateful I am for your advice," she said, realizing that she hadn't even managed to thank her properly. Not only because she didn't know how to express her gratitude, but also because she was too stunned to properly adhere to the rules of politeness.

Kikuyo was well aware of the unprecedented nature of Captain Nishizumi offering her any guidance. For the most part, it was Captain Fujihara who critiqued their technique and was primarily responsible for the level of their skills and training them. Captain Nishizumi was more preoccupied with strategic matters and doctrine, dictating the course for the Division to follow.

"Your skills as a gunner determine how well my crew will function. I'm not doing this out of selflessness; it's my duty, and you don't need to express gratitude," she replied, not facing Kikuyo. "I have no intention of keeping the techniques of Sensha-dō as a secret. It's my duty as a division captain and heir of Nishizumi-ryū to pass on the art of Sensha-dō . If I were to take it to my grave, without teaching it to anybody, I might as well betray it completely."

"I understand," Kikuyo responded.

Nishizumi's words prompted her to glance back at the school building towards the statue of Nike, the goddess of victory, which stood on the column centrally above the entrance, a copy of a sculpture from Siegessäule in Berlin. Crossing the door into Kuromorimine was like entering a temple, and becoming a priestess of victory, whose purpose was to dedicate oneself to achieve triumph not just for themselves, but for the whole society, through blood, sweat and tears. The highest priestesses were the girls of Sensha-dō team, for whom victory was understood quite literally – to win a match, to win a tournament, to remain undefeated.

She realised that there was no statue of Ninomiya Sontoku in Kuromorimine, which she remembered so vividly from her elementary school. She preferred to believe that this was because in Kuromorimine, knowledge, hard work and discipline were regarded as inherently obvious virtues, and instead, the students were reminded daily not of these virtues, but of the reward that awaited them. The vision of rejecting wisdom, in a blind pursuit of victory, without believing in any particular idea, and only out of a desire to dominate others, filled her with deep unease.

"I... I really want to be like you, Captain Nishizumi. If you were willing to pass on your knowledge of Sensha-dō to me, it would bring me true happiness…"

The Nishizumi-ryū... She didn't believe it would be possible for her to successfully master it. After all, it was one thing to simply be a good at Sensha-dō , and quite another to live by the ethos of an ancient school of martial arts that demanded absolute discipline and formidable willpower to grasp its secrets, or so she thought. She knew she was unlikely to possess the qualities needed to tread this path, but nevertheless, the aura of mysterious mysticism surrounding the Nishizumi-ryū intrigued her immensely, and that made her at least try doing so.

"Really?" Nishizumi asked, pausing in her tracks as if Kikuyo's words were a surprise to her, and she looked at her as if she could see right through her soul.

Their eyes locked, and in Nishizumi's dark eyes Kikuyo saw a brightness she had never seen before. It was like the light of life itself, yet also a harbinger of something transcending the boundaries of eternity. It was then that Kikuyo Idegami beheld with her own eyes something that many doubted existed — the soul of Shiho Nishizumi.

"I cannot disagree with the modern world that everyone has a right to knowledge. The times when only a privileged few from a certain social class had access to it are long gone. However, I believe that knowledge of the Nishizumi-ryū rightfully belongs to those who are willing to put in the effort to attain it. Would you be willing to sacrifice everything you are, everything that is precious to you, to achieve this?" she continued with a solemn tone after a moment of silence.

" I'm not sure... but there must be a way to find out, right?" Kikuyo asked uncertainly.

"Mastering the Nishizumi-ryū completely requires sacrifice. You must be utterly determined, willing to give up even your life. The decision to follow this path is like deciding whether to jump into the abyss. You either jump, or you don't, because you can't jump into the abyss just a little."

" Then... Captain Nishizumi, teach me how to be ready to take a leap into the abyss!"

Kikuyo spoke these words loudly and determinedly, with all the strength she had within her. At that moment, she thought that this was what she wanted most in the world, to put her life and everything she was on the line, and just jump into that abyss.

But the light that lured her into this darkness shone with many colors, and although at first she thought she was only chasing after the golden glow of perfection, glory, and victory, along with the cool, blue glow of knowledge and the deepest secrets of Sensha-dō , in truth, amidst those colors, there was another - a warm, rosy glow of feeling that she couldn't yet name nor know, that it came from inside her, and shone so brightly, that it could reflect back onto her from the smooth like still water surface of the abyss she was about to throw herself into. But years later, when she understood that each of these shades tempted her equally strongly, she could certainly say that the last color she went afer for was love itself. In reality, it was for Miss Nishizumi that she leapt into the abyss — for what she could earn from her, and for the feeling she harbored for her.

For the rest of her life, Kikuyo would remember that moment, and more than anything else, how Nishizumi had smiled almost unnoticeably, with that sparkle in her eyes. Almost an eternity later, through all those years, she would return to that moment time and again, trying to recall those two things, praying that one day they would return, and that she would once again see Shiho's smile and the light shining in her eyes.

Back then, she couldn't have know, that it will be fire of that very idea, which shone so brightly in Nishizumi's eyes and illuminated Kikuyo on that night, would became raging, violent blaze, that in the end, would consume Shiho completly, leaving nothing of her humanity, but drown in darkness ruins of who she once was. And that it would be the sacred teachings of the Nishizumi Clan on Sensha-dō , that would finally tear the remainings of her scarred soul from her.

Truly, acquaintance with Shiho Nishizumi was like a leap into the abyss.

---

Author's note

This was a bit longer of a break between chapters, I'm sorry! But in exchange, it's a bit longer than usual, and it actually has any tank action! Yay! It might be imperfect, because i needed to speed up publication of this chapter, because of my travel plans, and overall, student's life, so I apologise in advance for any mistakes.

Writing it was both hell and heaven, I went through joy of writing characters and their relationships that I love, through being stuck on pacing issues, and then drowning in my inexperience in lack of knowledge on tank combat. This resulted in chaper that might be subar to previous ones, but at least, it didn't took me a year to complete it, yay! That's a small victory for that's small victory cost me a lot, so I need to take a small break mostly from translating, because at this point, I'm really rethinking my future career.

Once again, thank you for your engagement and comments, as I said, it means a world to me.

And big, big, BIG thanks to Nazz11 for giving me a helping hand in those so difficult for me training scenes, I couldn't have don it without you!