173. The Talk
Somin and Teho
After the previous day's assignment, Somin stayed overnight at the studio and worked. She didn't know what to do or how to speak with Mia to not feel like a trash person. She just texted her, "Gonna pull an all-nighter, don't wait up."
Her head needed to be cleared and what's better than intense work? She wasn't ready for it at all as it was more of an impulsive decision, but that didn't bother her much. Sleep was rough on the uncomfortable sofa, but she did a good job, sketching all kinds of positions, and finding the best fitting ones. For sure it was the most work she'd done in days so when she headed back to the dorms on Friday night, she felt at least a bit accomplished and prepared for the upcoming weekend.
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Teho: Do you care for a walk?
Teho texted her in hopes she'd give him a time.
Somin: I'll be off at six.
He caught up with Somin on her way home, happy she'd not run.
"Please walk with me, we need to talk," Teho pleaded. His voice sincere and restrained.
"Do we?" she asked, afraid of the conversation, but slowed her pace for him.
"I do think we talked enough," she said her peace, feeling doomed. Her heart raced; she was scared they would be seen.
Would I have to decide now?
The romance itself sounded tantalizing, but the prospect of hurting Mia was a much greater fear she had on her mind. Not mentioning if the dazzling boy would end up being tired of her the same way, it's better to not engage at all. Attraction or not, her mental health had to come first.
Well shit, I couldn't just hold myself. What if I fucking romanticized him already?
Teho's hand gently grabbed hers, intertwining their fingers like a couple would. He pleaded softly, "I'll behave, please."
Can we be only friends? Can we go back?
Thinking of his promises and the sweet kisses made it all the more real.
No, we can't. I surrender to him so easily. Stupid me, I'm unteachable.
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Teho led her away from the dorms in the direction of a faraway park to have more privacy. No need to be interrupted by familiar faces. Her hand did squeeze him tight and he felt the tension of the dreaded conversation.
"You kiss me so passionately I don't even recognize you, so what is this thing we have?" he said, confronting her with harsh truth head-on, voice mild and soothing
"I'd say we like each other, but it's better to stay friends," she stated, hating the words which come from her mouth.
"What do you mean? I want you to be with me!?" He was baffled, still leading her to the unknown park. Clouds covered the sun and all seemed gray.
"You were Mia's boyfriend and the fact you're no longer together doesn't change anything. I can't date you." Somin panicked.
We're saying what we have on our minds, I might as well say it out loud.
"Why?" he asked, hurt in his voice.
"I don't have the mental power to be another boy's toy. You'll find somebody next month just wait and give me a break." She was direct. "I can't bear to lose another person. Mia... you...me...us."
It had to be said, all boiling up in her. The facts. I don't want to be broken again.
Somin was harsher than she intended. It was all the truth. He had been with Mia only a few days and started a thing with Somin intentionally.
I don't want this kind of relationship. I already had been in one where I was the burden in the end.
"Ya, Somin-ssi, don't be like that. You know we have something different. You can't throw us away like that." He was angry now.
Teho stopped on the pavement and looked her in the eyes, still holding her hand and caressing it with the other one.
"I can manage my lust!" she lied, raising her voice.
"No, you can't. You can't manage shit. You would give yourself to me several times! I didn't push, because I care for you. It's all new for me too. I don't know what to do with these feelings." He really let it all out.
All my cards lay on the table. The boy proudly thought.
"You can easily find another girl to have sex with. Why do you want to torture me? Mia is my friend, I can't do this to her. I feel like a total bitch because of you! You make me weak and powerless, I hate it," she yelled, unleashing everything she felt inside.
Trees listened to their argument, rustling their leaves with the anxiety of heated debate. Fortunately, they weren't any bystanders. The shocked photographer took it all. All her anger and emotion, holding her hands still.
"Why are you always like this? Why can't you acknowledge my feelings? You aren't the only one having them. I'm human too, you know?" His voice dripped with pain.
"I didn't expect this at all. Do you think I wanted this? I liked my life! I didn't have to worry about relationships until I met you. Life was easy. I'm truly sorry about Mia, but what else can I do? It was a mistake, it wasn't meant to be and you wanna pretend like there's nothing because of her?"
"I lost myself last time. I need to find who I am." She had tears in the corner of her eyes and hysteria colored her voice, breaking it off a bit. Somin tried to blink them away.
"I'm not like him at all," he said carefully. "What do you want me to do?" Teho's palms gently held her head.
"I don't know." Her tears were finally falling.
Tension was discharged.
"Let me love you," he whispered.
"Let me heal first." Her eyes pleaded with him, startled by his confession.
This isn't the right timing, I need to be alone.
"You are making me more messed up than I already am." She trembled a little bit.
"Can I hug you?" he asked, overwhelmed with emotions.
Why does she need to be alone when we can be together? I don't get it.
Somin fell into his chest with desperation. Please hold me.
She cried silently.
Teho held her and caressed her hair, putting soft kisses into it.
Why be alone, when I can take care of you? I will protect you. It's all new to me too.
It hurts terribly seeing you unhappy.
I don't know what else to do.
"Can we find what this is together? Don't push me away, please," he said and she nodded buried in his coat—the same one she so urgently unbuttoned.
"Let's just be, alright? You don't hide in front of me and I won't push you. Sounds good?" She nodded again.
"Hey it's gonna be alright," he said just for himself, hoping it would be.
"Do you care for a walk?" he asked again, hoping he could let her show his work process.
"I wanna show you something."
😳 Author's corner 😊
📚 Thank you for reading till the end! Share your thoughts with me, please :) 📚
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🎨Illustrations of each chapter are available on my Wattpad acc, AO3 acc -klubickoArt
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INFO
Danger, part 2:
I have 300 pages to rewrite and edit and with the baby, I can't say when it will be done.
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I have a smaller story in the works
Teho prequel which is a crossover with an awesome book - Their Parallel Universe (by _reichii) - this one is going to be out first.
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If you are interested in becoming a beta reader
look only for committed people who will give feedback (constructive, emotive, talk about the story, etc.)