Flashman and the Throne of Swords, Chapter 29
by Technomad
(Excerpted from the papers of Lady Elspeth Flashman, and edited after her death by her sister, Grizel Morrison de Rothschild.)
When the Alarums sounded, warning us that the long-awaited Assault by the King's Rebel Uncle had commenced, I was in bed with my Dear Husband. At the sound, we leapt from Bed, following the Plan that had been laid out for us by dear Sir Richard Burton.
(Ed. "Dear Sir Richard," eh? I'll warrant that you were plotting to lure him astray...if you hadn't done so already, sweet sister!)
As dear Harry dressed, I flew through my own Toilette. 'Twould ne'er have serv'd at Home, but Needs Must when the Devil Drives, as Sir Richard likes to say. Dear Papa used to say something very similar, altho' he and Sir Richard could hardly be more dissimilar. Once dressed, we flew into each other's arms for a Kiss, then part'd.
As a Soldier's Wife, I am resign'd to Partings, so I restrain'd myself from the Tears I so longed to shed. Harry dart'd to the stairs leading up to the Parapets, to play his accustom'd Heroic Role, while I join'd the other Ladies of the Embassy in retiring to the Great Hall of the Red Keep.
The women of the Court were there as well. The Great Hall is deep within the Red Keep, not far from the mighty Sept of Baelor. This Sept is the greatest Temple of the Faith of the Seven, and if the fighting went in favor of the Rebel Stannis, we would take refuge there. Altho' Stannis himself has espous'd a different Faith (my Harry was most informative about this, altho' some of his language was not fit for the ears of delicate people) many of his Soldiers probably still cleave to the Faith of their Fathers, which offer'd some hope of Safety if all was lost.
Presiding over the gathering was Queen Cersei. While I know little good of her Majesty (the rumours about her are beyond scandalous!) she was Bearing Up quite well, setting an Example of Courage. Of course, the Men of her House are ne'er Cowards. Breeding does tell.
(As it should. G. de R.)
Queen Cersei came over to greet us. She was somewhat in her Cups, but still had her wits about her. Her manner was warm, but she warn'd us that even the Sept might provide no Sanctuary should the City be taken by Storm. She said that while she hoped, in such an event, to negotiate an honourable Surrender, she was taking no Chances. She pointed out Ser Ilyn, the Court's official Headsman, standing by with his great Sword. In the event of defeat, she said, she had given orders that no lady of the Court would be captured alive.
Haing heard tales of Cawnpore and the great Mutiny, we British were prepar'd. Judge of the Queen's surprise when we, all of us, produc'd firearms that had been conceal'd on our Persons! "We know how to use these, and we'll take honour guards with us to Heaven! And the last bullets, we'll keep for ourselves! No need to trouble dear Ser Ilyn on our account!"
Queen Cersei was very pleas'd. "If I had not been born a Lannister of Casterly Rock," she said, "I should wish to have been born a British Lady." Of course, she had no way of knowing that we Scots are the best and bravest of all the peoples on our Scepter'd Isle.
(Modesty and humility were never your fortes, dear sister. Still, I can't argue with what you say here. The truth is mighty and shall prevail. G. de R.)
Lady Sansa was near the Queen, and when she saw me she came over to my side. After that Dreadful Incident in the Throne Room, she clearly saw me as a Protecting Figure, and someone who would aid her in her need.
(And so she should have! When I was able to get you to tell me that story, I could hardly belive my ears! Sir Richard Burton and your Harry were kind enough to confirm that every word was true. I've never been prouder to be your sister! G. de R.)
The local Ladies were singing a Hymn to their Seven Gods, asking for the safety of their lov'd ones on the battlefield. I, of course, had no Truck with such Heathen Worship, but I did send up a Prayer, asking God to shield Harry and me. And the rest of the British, too, of course. I notic'd that Lady Burton was working her rosary, asking the same things, I've no doubt. For all her Romish foolishness, she and I do have love of our Dear Husbands in common.
Outside, we could hear the battle. Shouting and shooting noises rose and fell, and smoke drift'd through the open windows in the clerestory. I smelled gunpowder smoke and wood smoke, making me think of Guy Fawkes Day. But there were other Odours...the smell of burning flesh, and one I could not identify.
"That, Lady Flashman, is the smell of wildfire," said the Queen. At our questioning looks, she condescend'd to explain: "Wildfire, my ladies, is a substance much belov'd of the Targaryen kings. It is a liquid that burns, and is all but impossible to extinguish. It floats on water, and is very useful for burning ships."
This interested me. If I could get a sample of this stuff, or learn how it was made, it might make a first-rate fuel for steam engines and other such uses. I made up my mind to obtain some, or at least find someone who knew how to make it and hire that person into my service.
(Our father's daughter indeed! A true Morrison! Papa would be so proud! G. de R.)
At Lady Burton's suggestion, we British Ladies repair'd to the top of the building, where we could Observe the Action. Queen Cersei declin'd to accompany us, and Lady Sansa turned very pale at the thought. While I pity Lady Sansa, and do understand why she is so Timorous, it is not a feeling I share. While my Hero's courage is second to none, I would say that my own is appropriate to a daughter of Fair Caledonia. I prov'd it when we were escaping from the Cruel Malagassees in Madagaskar.
As we left, I heard that Queen Cersei had call'd her eldest Son, King Joffrey, back inside. While I understood her feelings, I could not but think that this was behaviour unworthy of a Royal Person. A Royal Person, of whatever age and sex, should think first of their Subjects, and only then of their Personal Safety. Our belov'd Queen, Victoria, has fac'd several attempt'd Assassinations, and never once has her courage failed her.
Atop the Great Hall, we kept our heads low. Bullets sang by above our heads, and we knew that we were within Range of Enemy Fire. While the Enemy did not seem to own any Artillery, they had apparently been supplied with Rifle-Muskets by the French, or some other such mischief-makers. I had been to enough Reviews and other Military Events, escort'd always by my dear Harry, to know the difference between the sound of musket-fire and rifle-fire, and there was too much rifle-fire to be solely the work of our gallant Royal Marines. I could see them atop our Embassy, in three ranks, firing by volleys. Of course, they were much better train'd and equipt than the Locals.
A sound as of ripping cloth told me that the Gatling-guns we had brought to Westeros were in use. I had seen them firing in Britain, at a Military Gala. Dear Harry told me that while they had been about in America during their terrible Civil War, they had not been in much use then. He said that the Ordnance Board, or whatever they call it in America, did not want to use them, feeling that they wasted Ammunition. Harry called them a bunch of clot-heads, pinching Pennies at a time of National Peril. I had to agree with him. From what I could see, the Gatlings were doing great Execution among the Enemy Ranks.
Out in the Bay, the Wildfire was a spectacular sight. Ne'er had I seen Green Fire, and watching it consuming all in its path, I nearly forgot the dreadful lot of the poor Sailors and Common Soldiers, who now fac'd Burning to Death for nothing more than following the orders of their Rightful Lords. Most of the other Ladies did not, though. Many of them wept to see such Wanton Destruction.
Just then, we heard a loud banging Noise from the direction of the Great Gate. While many of the Rebel Stannis' men were trapp'd on their Ships, facing the terrible choice of burning or drowning, there were a large Force of them that had apparently Landed. They had deploy'd a great Ram, and were busily battering down the Gate. If they enter'd the City, all would be lost, since almost all the Men defending the City were up on the Walls.
We trembl'd at the sight of the Gate shivering under the blows of the dreadful Ram. Then we cheer'd, for a force of Defenders were hurrying to the Scene to reinforce the Men that were already there. I notic'd that some of them were British, and wonder'd if my Harry, with his Penchant for being in the Thick of the Fight, was there.
Some of the Ladies were weeping at the sight, whether out of fear for their Loved Ones, or fear of the results should the Enemy break through. Lady Burton and I set them a good example of Courage. One must keep a Stiff Upper Lip at times like that, not break down weeping. Lady Burton, and I, had been through enough Adventures following our Husbands through various Trackless Wildernesses to know that Cool and Calm will always see a Lady through.
One of the Ladies had brought along a Spyglass. Cursing myself for not thinking of such an Obvious Thing, I ask'd her politely for the Loan of her Telescope. She handed it over to me, if only because my Husband was higher in rank than hers. Thanking her politely, I rais'd the Glass to my Eye to see what was going on.
I was amaz'd to see not only my Beloved Husband, but dear Sir Richard Burton, along with a squad of what appear'd to be Royal Marines, mounted on horseback to get there faster. At the head of the rescuing party was none other than Lord Tyrion! While his Body may be dwarfish, his Courage shews that he is a True Son of his Noble House, and worthy of his Ancestors.
(As I said above, breeding will out. G. de R.)
The Defenders at the Gate seem'd hesitant, until I saw Lord Tyrion ride out in front of them. I could not hear what he said, since the Roar of Battle and the Distance prevent'd me, but whatever it was, it seem'd to work. A small sally port was open'd, and the Defenders surged outside, seeking to Destroy or Capture the accurs'd Ram that had done so much damage to their City's Gate. I was not surpris'd to see my Harry right there, beside Lord Tyrion, with Sir Richard beside him. After all, did he not defend Piper's Fort (1)? Did he not save me from great Peril in Madagaskar? (2) Did he not survive the dreadful Siege of Cawnpore, as well as sundry other Perils, in the Mutiny? (3) He is a True Hero, and must always be in the Thick of the Fight.
When they were outside, we Ladies lost sight of our brave men who'd gone, and turn'd our Attention to the Action on the River. The Rebel Stannis' Fleet was all but completely destroy'd. It had been held in place by the mighty Chain that Lord Tyrion had bought from Britain, and between the Catapults mount'd on the Seaward Walls, and the dreadful Wildfire, it was all but gone.
There were some Enemy Ships that had escap'd, though. They had foolishly dared to engage HMS Penelope, not knowing, of course, that she was Armour'd in Iron and carried Cannon. I could see our valiant Ship, all alone in the middle of a ring of the Enemy, but giving a splendid Account of herself. The local folk, of course, had ne'er seen what Cannon could do, and their poor Galleys flew apart under Cannon Fire as easily as a wanton Child smashes unlov'd Toys.
Meanwhile, the Sally against the Gate's Attackers had gone well, from what I could see. The red coats of the Royal Marines were much in evidence, and it appear'd that the Attackers had not had Firearms, even the out-of-date Muskets that had been supplied. My Dear Husband had explain'd the difference to me, and I told the other Ladies who were not Au Fait with the facts what was up.
(You'll take any opportunity to talk, won't you, dear sister? R.)
The Defenders, along with their British Allies, had ventur'd onto a Jam of Enemy Ships that were blocking the Harbour Mouth. I trembl'd with fear for the safety of my Gallant Hector, for I knew that with his Dauntless Courage, he'd have insisted on leading the Attack. At the head, I could just make out Lord Tyrion. He was fighting like a true Hero, despite his dwarfish stature.
Just then, the Bridge of Ships work'd loose, beginning to drift down the Harbour and out to Sea. I could see that our Men were still aboard, but heading toward one End, Lord Tyrion was still alive, which gratified me. I have a Soft Spot for him, dwarf or no dwarf, and pray'd that he, along with my Dear Husband and Sir Richard and the other British, would come through the battle safely.
("A soft spot," eh? I wouldn't put it past you to have designs on him! G. de R.)
E'en with the Spyglass, I could not see how the fighting went, so I return'd it to its Owner, with my Thanks. I made up my mind to obtain one for myself. For that matter, I thought that selling such items to the Westerosi might be quite profitable. As far as I can determine, they have no concept of lens-grinding, and have ne'er develop'd Eyeglasses, much less Telescopes.
(Once again, that Morrison blood shows through! I wish Papa could see this! G. de R.)
Suddenly, we were Surpris'd by trumpets sounding, and we turn'd to see an Army riding to the Rescue! We could make out the Lannister banners, and I surmis'd that Lord Tywin, the Father of the Queen and Lord Tyrion, had come to our Assistance! We British Ladies cheer'd to the Echo as the Reliving Forces drove the Attackers back, knowing that their Arrival herald'd our Safety. (4)
When we descend'd to the Great Hall itself, we found the Ladies in Tears of Joy at the News. Queen Cersei was also happy, not least because her Son was alive and well. While I do not approve of him apparently showing the White Feather during the Fighting, I must make allowances for his Youth and Inexperience. E'en so, though, I could not forget that I have observ'd Drummer Boys in the Army, and Powder Monkeys aboard Naval Ships, who were younger than King Joffrey. Since the King has a Younger Brother, there was no fear for the continuation of the Dynasty should he fall. I also had seen enough of his Erratic, Tyrannical Behaviour to not think well of him. Sir Richard called him a "Caligula in the making," and my Dear Husband had been on the verge of shooting him dead when he was whipping poor Lady Sansa. However, like any Tyrant, he quail'd at the sight of a British Lady standing up to him for what was right.
Had his Father, the late, lament'd King Robert, been in Command, I have no doubt that he would have been in the Frontmost Line, wielding his mighty War Hammer. I heard more than enough about his Exploits in the Rebellion against the previous King, the madman Aerys, to know that for all his Fat and Drunkenness, King Robert loved Battle. Almost as much as my Harry does.
Out in the streets, I could hear the Small Folk rejoicing at their deliverance. Since they would be the ones to suffer first and most in the event of a Sack, I could not blame them for a second. When we finally got to Bed, the sky was lightening in the East. I wanted desperately to sleep, but could not bring myself to do so until I had word of my dear Harry.
(All in all, I'm glad this was an experience you had and I did not, dear sister. G. de R.)
[1] See Flashman.
[2] These experiences are detailed in Flashman's Lady.
[3] See Flashman in the Great Game.
[4] Lord Tywin's armies were reinforced with many men from the armies of Renly Baratheon, younger brother of the late King Robert. After Renly's mysterious death, many of his men joined the Lannister forces.