"Ah, there you are!" The EMH swooped down on them, grabbing a tricorder on the way.
"I was wondering whether I should ask Tuvok to search for the two of you. Honestly, Captain, I have expected better of you! Surely, the ship can spare its captain for the time to treat your injuries. Luckily, I've already treated your concussion. Your shoulder, on the other hand, is not just a simple dislocation or a clean break, it is shattered and will require surgery. You can't just run around the ship like that. Not to mention your bruised back. You really should set a better example for your crew!"
Kathryn resisted the urge to turn tail and run but took an involuntary step backwards only to bump into Chakotay. His solid presence gave her the courage to stay, though barely. Cold sweat formed on her brow and her hands and she started to tremble slightly.
"Actually, Doctor, could you look at my hands first? I burned them and they are really bothering me," Chakotay intervened.
Kathryn felt gratitude for her friend warming her chest, as he was buying her some time to catch her breath.
The doctor tutted when he inspected Chakotay's hands and guided the command team to sit on the next biobed. "Commander, why have you waited so long? You should have come here right after your accident! Really, you are as bad as she is!"
Commander Chakotay wisely forewent to answer and let the doctor treat his burns, which he did swiftly and effectively.
Too swiftly for Kathryn to regain her composure. She felt bile rise in her throat and her blood rush in her ears as the doctor picked up the tricorder once again.
"As I was saying, Captain, your shoulder requires surgery. As I will need you immobile for the next 1.5 hours I will sedate you and-" The doctor frowned at the tricorder readings and then at her. He opened his mouth to speak again, yet Kathryn couldn't hear him any more. The roaring in her ears intensified, her vision darkened rapidly.
"Captain?", she finally heard faintly. "Captain, are you with us?" She blinked as her hearing cleared and sickbay stabilized around her. She watched numbly as the doctor discarded a hypospray. "You blacked out on us there for a minute. It doesn't make sense, Captain. According to my tricorder readings…"
She straightened up, out of Chakotay's arms realizing that he must have caught her when she fainted. Now that she was deprived of the opportunity to lose consciousness, her body opted to lose something else.
"...you are having a panic attack. And everything points to the conclusion that you are afraid of…"
She vomited all over her CMO.
"...me?"
The hologram's matrix glitched and he appeared 30 centimeters to the left, leaving a puddle behind and wearing a shocked expression. It would have been a funny sight had she not felt so miserable. She heaved again. While she emptied the last contains of her stomach into a bowl the doctor had thrust into her hands, she felt Chakotay's hand rubbing her back in soothing circles and holding her hair back with his other. Kathryn finally straightened up and raised a shaking hand to wipe cold sweat and tears off her face.
The doctor with a hypospray in his hands seated himself on the next biobed facing them, thus giving her more space, she noted gratefully. He looked at her kindly.
"I would like to give you a mild sedative, Captain, just to calm you down. I don't have to administer it, Commander Chakotay can do it." His voice sounded compassionate and sincere.
She hesitated. She couldn't know for sure! But then, he had never lied to her. Kathryn finally nodded in consent. Her heart skipped a beat when Chakotay pressed the hypospray to her neck. And then her heartbeat calmed. She sighed. Gratefully, she accepted a glass of water to rinse her mouth and settle her upset stomach.
"I am sorry, Captain, but I don't recall anything that would explain why you are experiencing such a strong reaction to me."
"I…", she started but broke off shaking her head in frustration.
"It probably has something to do with that alien that invaded her mind a couple of weeks ago", Chakotay interjected helpfully. Kathryn felt the doctor's gaze on her and nodded affirmatively.
The doctor frowned. "But you showed no signs of distress, well, no more than what was to be expected, when I treated your injuries after that shuttle crash."
"I guess I died so many times that day, I just didn't care anymore. Had I died once more I either would have ended up back in the shuttle discussing talent night or stayed dead for good." Kathryn slowly turned the cool glass in her hands, contemplating. "Had he been more patient and let me die one more time, I might have given up and followed him…", she added in a quiet voice more to herself. Still staring at the glass of water she completely missed the horrified looks passing between her First Officer and her CMO.
"Captain, I will call back Kes and Lieutenant Paris to help with the surgery. I am sure that they will perform adequately under my supervision," the doctor cut across her musings.
"What? Doctor, no! They have both earned their rest. You don't have to bring them in on my account."
"That is not really up for debate, Captain. You obviously can't deal with me alone at this time. Your physical well-being is paramount right now. Any kind of confrontational therapy can wait." The doctor left for his office.
"He is right, you know. That is probably the best solution," said Chakotay quietly.
Kathryn sighed. "I know. It… it is very considerate of him." Tiredly, she rubbed her eyes. "I hope Tom isn't too worn out after his spectacular performance this morning. Imagine what a drowsy pilot might do to my shoulder," she joked weakly.
"I'm going to stay here and watch over you," Chakotay promised.
"The ship," she objected.
"Is in Tuvok's very capable hands and very well hidden. I also think that that nebula marks a natural border for our friends out there. It is therefore my strongest recommendation that Voyager's first officer will support his captain as he sees fit. Besides, should Tuvok really need me I am only 4 decks away."
Kathryn gave him a lopsided grin. "I did promise, didn't I?"
He smiled at her. "That you did."
The doctor made his way over to them with Kes and Paris in tow.
"Good afternoon, Captain. Doc says that you consented to let us lowly students of medicine gain more experience," Tom Paris said cheerfully.
"A very good learning opportunity indeed, Mr. Paris," the EMH concurred. To the Captain he said: "The surgery should only take about 20," he eyed his students, "to 30 minutes, the osteo regeneration up to an hour. I would like to keep you sedated the whole time since you have to lie absolutely still, unless you want to be awake for that?"
She shook her head. "No, but … thank you." She forced herself to look at him.
Appreciating her effort he smiled at her.
"We'll get through this, Captain."
While Kes helped Kathryn to the surgical biobed, Chakotay aquired a chair and a PADD. He seated himself next to his captain and waved his hand with the PADD.
"See, I will get some work done."
"Good. See that you do, Commander. I hear the captain is quite the slave driver."
Chakotay took her hand in his as Kes approached them with a hypospray.
"Are you ready, Captain?", she asked.
Kathryn nodded. She locked eyes with her second in command and best friend. He squeezed her hand as the hypospray discharged and soon pulled her under.
—
The antiseptic smell was the first thing that registered in her mind. Before she even remembered where she was, she knew that she had to get away, fast! Already her throat constricted. Breathable air was swiftly replaced by poison. Unfortunately, she found that the rest of her body was still behind her sense of smell. While her mind was already on his way out of sickbay, her limbs reacted sluggishly at best. For a split second she experienced the mixed blessing of floating in the air, then she slammed into the ground. Stars exploded behind her eyes. She groaned.
"Captain!"
"Kathryn!"
"Captain!"
The Doctor, obviously. But who else, Kes, Chakotay? Why were they here? She opened her eyes to find Kes and Chakotay rushing to her side. But that was all wrong, they weren't supposed to be here!
"Chakotay, we need to go! Kes, get out of here!", she croaked. Why weren't they listening? They weren't supposed to die, certainly not on her behalf! She wheezed. The poisonous gas was working already. But she wouldn't succumb, not yet, anyway. Kes' and Chakotay's lives depended on her. Why didn't they understand? They were talking to her, but she couldn't understand a word over the thrum of her heart in her ears.
Chakotay helped her to her feet. She swayed a little, but he steadied her. Kes came up to her with a medical tricorder in her hands. Impatiently, she batted it away. There was no time. Didn't they realize?
"Commander, take her out of here. She needs to calm down. Her injuries are taken care of."
That was the Doctor's voice. She stared at him in disbelief. What was he scheming now?
And then she found herself in the corridor outside of sickbay. Chakotay gently lowered her trembling form to the ground until she was sitting with her back leaning against the wall. She still had trouble breathing, but there shouldn't be any poison out here, should there?
"Kathryn, you are hyperventilating." Chakotay was kneeling in front of her. He was grasping both her shoulders in an effort to get her attention.
That actually explained why he was not affected by the gas. She glanced at her unblemished hands. In fact, he had never been exposed to it. Her memory slowly came back to her as she tried to mimic his breathing rhythm.
The doors to sickbay hissed open. Kes knelt down next to Chakotay with a hypospray in her hand. "Captain, this is the same light sedative you had earlier."
Kathryn nodded in agreement and tilted her neck. She closed her eyes in relief when she felt herself relax. Her breathing evened out. Chakotay's hands left her shoulders but he grasped her left hand. She squeezed back in silent gratitude.
"Better, Captain?", Kes asked in her soft voice.
"Much better! Thank you, Kes, for everything!"
"Anytime, Captain!" The young woman smiled at her and with a final, "Goodnight Captain, Commander," she went back to her mentor.
"Come on, Kathryn, time for you to go to bed. Unless you want to sleep right here?"
"No, no." She accepted his hand to help her up. "I don't want to scare any of the crew."
"That's the spirit! Can you walk?"
Which was a valid question. Her legs felt as if she had just run a marathon.
"I am a bit shaky, but I think I can manage."
They walked slowly towards the turbolift while she leaned on his arm for support. "Sorry, about the scene back there," she muttered.
"You don't have to apologize, Kathryn. Everybody feels a bit disoriented waking up in sickbay under normal circumstances,especially after anesthesia. And circumstances are far from normal right now."
"Hmm. And you thought you panicked this morning! This, my dear First Officer," she pointed in the direction of sickbay, "is what a good panik attack should look like." She patted his arm playfully.
Chakotay chuckled. "I give up, you won."
"I am sure glad that you are not getting tired of breathing for me."
"Never, Kathryn, never!"
She straightened up when two crew members passed them, thanking them for their enquiry after her health and assuring them that she was feeling much better. Only when they were out of sight did she gratefully lean on her companion's arm again.
"You didn't have to do that," he admonished her when they entered the turbolift, "they know you were just released from sickbay." He gestured at the medical gown she was still wearing.
"Maybe," she conceded, "but let me keep at least some of my dignity." She smiled at him as she leaned against the wall of the turbolift. "I don't want the local residents to learn of the mighty starship Voyager and her feeble captain. It just doesn't sound right."
"I would never call you feeble, Captain," Chakotay smiled back.
Both hesitated when they reached the door to her quarters.
"Do you need anything? I can get you some relaxing tea," Chakotay asked.
As much as she would have liked some company and as much as the idea of the first officer tucking his captain into bed was as endearing as it was ridiculous, she was certain that Chakotay needed some time to himself. His crazy captain had taken up way too much of his precious time, already.
A mighty yawn saved her from coming up with an excuse.
"I am fine, Chakotay. I'll go straight to bed." She was bone-tired and the headache was back pounding between her eyes. The only thing she wanted was to sleep it off and get this whole day behind her.
"If you are sure…" He still looked uncertain and concerned.
Kathryn hid another yawn behind her hand. "I am sure. Good night, Commander."
"Sleep well, Captain."