Roach slowly woke up, rubbing his eyes as he groaned. He had fallen to an uncomfortable side-leaning sleeping position, and it was starting to make his neck sore. He stretched, reaching up, letting his eye sight adjust until the room came into more focus. Roach was expecting to see Ghost in the same position as when he had fallen asleep, but was rather pleasantly and unpleasantly surprised when he noticed Ghost was staring at him over his knees with a blank expression.

"Hey, Ghost. How you doing?" Ghost only stared at him. Roach couldn't tell if he was hyperfocused on him or not actually seeing him there. He waved a hand, trying to see if Ghost reacted in any way.

"...you're...real…" Roach winced at how broken Ghost's voice sounded.

"Yeah, dude. I'm real. You ok?" Roach noted the worry flicker in Ghost's eyes as he stood up slowly. He stayed low, moving at almost a snail's pace until he sat near. Ghost gave no answer as he kept watch, instead putting his arms loosely around his knees. "A uh...verbal answer would be nice? Unless you can't talk, then just like...nod your head? Or shake it?" It took a moment until Ghost finally nodded once, Roach feeling some of his tension disappear. "Cool, great, we're getting somewhere. Why don't you uh...stretch your legs out a bit? Lay down or something? Your muscles are all tensed up and you've got to be sore by now."

After some more coaxing and softly-spoken words did Roach manage to get Ghost to lean until he was lying down with his back against the wall, still wary-eyed and almost skittish. Roach took the time to get closer until he was sitting against the same wall, keeping an arm's length away. When Ghost shifted a bit closer until his head was leaning on Roach's shoulder a few moments later, Roach gave a small smile. Ghost only returned it with a stare before closing his eyes. Roach let out a small huff to cover up his laugh before he closed his eyes as well, drifting in and out of sleep. He could tell Ghost wasn't asleep any time he woke up, breathing uneven and shifting every few minutes.

"...thank you..." Ghost had mumbled out after a while. Roach gave a hum of acknowledgement, taking a deep breath before looking over at him.

"You doing better now?" Ghost nodded once. Then shook his head. After a moment he shrugged. "I get it. It was...a lot."

"Mm...yeah…"

"...did you want to talk about it? No rush if you don't want to, but it might help?"

"Not...really sure…"

"That's fair. I get it. It's hard to… think about it."

"Yeah…were you...talking...about you earlier?" Ghost kept pausing as he spoke. Roach was contemplating any reasons Ghost would be speaking in such a halting manner but his thoughts skid to a stop at the question.

"Uh...yeah...some of it." Roach scratched the back of his head, feeling his heart beating a little faster. "It...uh...was helping me kinda keep track of what was going on...for my side anyway."

"...what did...he...do to you?" Roach didn't answer for a few moments, closing his eyes. He felt Ghost sit up slowly, leaning against him.

"I uhm… it was a lot dude. Honestly you don't need to hear about it for now." Roach waved a hand dismissively after a moment. He opened his eyes to see Ghost staring at him, eyes not as sharp as they used to be.

"You just...watched me break. You need a...release."

"I dunno dude, it was...I don't really wanna think about it." Roach fell silent. He could remember everything that he was doing under whatever concoction Gonzalo had under him, and whether it was an unfortunate side effect or his mind keeping tabs on it all was a question Roach didn't really want answered. "Plus, like you...I dunno if you remember much but you were not in the right headspace to hear what happened to me, so just like...I got it."

"...you sure...? We can talk it out." Roach let out a hum, pulling his legs up so he could rest his head on his knees. "It might...help you some."

"But you went through something that's probably a lot worse than I did, so I'm fine. You don't need to know."

"No one's suffering… is a competition."

"Yeah, but I mean...I'm not the one begging to die not even twelve hours ago. Plus it's...a lot to talk about." Roach mumbled out. He could see Ghost's face fall for a brief moment, before he gave a hollow smirk.

"Try."

The room fell silent, Roach chewing on his bottom lip as he thought his next sentence through.

"I…look, it's a lot. He made me do things, I hurt people, lots of people." Roach took a deep breath, acutely aware that he couldn't stop the flood of words that came out next. "And he had me kill these two girls, they looked like they were fourteen Ghost. Just because they weren't useful to the guys. And I remember everything he had me do. All these people that I had to hurt. I had to hear those girls scream for me to stop. And he had me...had me...and...I couldn't say no or say anything to make them stop-" He choked on a sob, burying his face into his hands as his shoulders shook. "I don't know how to separate myself from it. I've tried to f-fight it, I've tried to ignore everything, let my mind wander a-and hope I don't notice anything but I c-can't. I remember all of it!" He wasn't prepared for the sudden flood of emotions that came pouring out but man he couldn't stop now. "Ghost I don't want to be alone after this. I can't. MacTavish won't make it in time you were in a box for so long you went fucking nuts and heard voices and wanted to die Toad and Meat said they were all deployed on a mission and it won't be over before these two weeks are up oh God it's only two more weeks Ghost I can't do this we're so boned th-"

"Hey, stop." Roach hiccupped as he looked up. Ghost was staring at him, eyes more clear and hard than they had been before. "Take a deep breath." Roach gave a nod as he took a shaky breath in, letting it out as steady as he could. After a few minutes of taking in shuddering breaths and trying to measure out how to let those breaths out, Roach leaned into Ghost, feeling him flinch for a moment before settling down.

"Sorry… it's… told you it's a lot." Roach said softly. Ghost remained silent, slightly tense in his shoulders. "Sorry...am I in your space?" Ghost shook his head, tension leaving slightly. He stared straight ahead after a moment, still otherwise. Roach gave a small hum as he leaned a bit closer, comforted by Ghost's presence.

"You...went through...a lot." Ghost finally spoke up after a few moments. Roach gave a subtle nod. "You said you...couldn't separate from it?" Roach gave another nod, stronger this time. Ghost didn't respond after that, the two falling silent once again. Roach couldn't think of anything to say, now that it was laid out for Ghost, who had remained silent after his last question. Eventually, a small part of a memory popped into his head.

"Was...was that something you or the other guys with you...I mean did they go through something like...uh, that?" Ghost frowned, eyes darkening a bit. Roach understood with a startling realization that both that was probably an accurate assumption, and that Ghost most likely wore his sunglasses because his eyes were incredibly easy to read. The mask was obvious to him after hearing what had happened in his past. But the phrase saying that the eyes were the window to the soul or however it went rang more true with Ghost than any other person Roach ever met in his life. Ghost turned to look at him, one eyebrow raised questioningly.

"I uh...sorry was I staring?" Ghost gave a nod. "Sorry, I uh...think I made a late game realization."

"About?" Roach sat up, giving a huff of a laugh. The quizzical look Ghost gave deepened.

"Ok it's been almost two months…" He paused at the reminder of time. "But I didn't realize how...expressive? You are? Like the minutia of how much you express through your eyes alone?" Ghost only stared for a few moments. "Uh...yeah. Sorry. Told you, late game." He was surprised when Ghost let out his own huff of a laugh, hollow as it sounded.

"Kinda...right. 'Tavish was the one...to give me those shades."

"The captain?"

"Yeah...said my eyes were...what did he call them…'soulless and fuck angry eyes'...would scare new recruits… terrifyingly empty...any time I was mad...at say recruits during training...or during missions…"

"You had the look of death and destruction? The wild eye? No, evil eye?" Roach tried to unhelpfully supply. The look he got in return made him laugh briefly. "I'm fucking with you, promise. But I know what he means."

"Do you?"

"Well, yeah. It's not like I haven't been able to see your face for the past few weeks. Your eyes are easy to read. When you're angry, upset, sad, or actually like...happy at the shit talk I've been doing. Your eyes are easy for me to read." Ghost gave a small nod as he stared ahead again, thinking. "But like...your eyes also get like this...really dark...? Look to 'em when you remember shit from back then. I've only noticed it a few times."

"What about...now?" Roach glanced over for a moment before looking away with a slight shudder.

"Not...a great look." He heard Ghost give a hum of thought before they fell silent again. "But I mean...I know what you are thinking or feeling better than most people...and I have a twin brother." Another hum. Roach fidgeted for a moment. He didn't know whether he wanted to keep talking to fill the silence or let Ghost be. But then the thought became did he want Ghost to be left alone to his thoughts in peace or possibly help him keep his mind off of...whatever had just happened recently.

"I can...hear you...thinking too much." Ghost spoke up after a while. Roach jumped in surprise. "You should...rest...I'll be...fine…" Roach sighed before nodding.

"If you're sure...just...wake me up if you need me, kay?" Ghost gave a small nod before Roach let his head rest against Ghost's shoulder, noting with a slight smile that he hadn't flinched that time. It took a while, counting his breaths and making sure Ghost was also starting to fall asleep that he eventually closed his eyes himself.

Hey guys.
Since the last update, my store opened up, my schedule flipped every two weeks, and I moved to a new place.
Guess what day I moved? If you say "the day your new store opened" you'd be correct. That was in May, so it's just been...a whirlwind of work and lack of sleep and stress and yay. So this chapter is kinda...everywhere. Not sure how to improve it more but the draft for this was more light and when i reread it to edit it I realized that they couldn't have it light after the shit they both just went through.
The next chapter is almost done and it's...long. And yeah. We're getting close to the end day. Ho boy.
Also if you get the reference to this chapter title you get ten internet points.