During the process of writing this chapter, I ended up writing the first half of chapter 7 as well, so hopefully I should be able to get that out relatively quickly. Other than that, I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Beta-Read by Pure Red Crane
Lesson 6: Sometimes, Those Fancy-Looking Candy Wrappers Hide a Bitter Surprise on the Inside
As the colossal yellow canine came bounding through the gate, Luffy sprang to his feet with his arms raised to the sky, shouting for all to hear. "TAMAKO! We're here to rescue you!"
"No, Luffytaro! You mustn't say that!" Kiku quickly placed her hand over his mouth. Gintoki smacked him on the back of the head.
"Oi, settle down, you idiot. This isn't like returning to the Leaf Village after a time skip. Everyone here is an enemy. You're not gonna get greeted by Hinata or Kakashi here."
Kiku removed her hands as Luffy rubbed the new welt on his head. "Gin-san is correct. Everyone here is a cohort of the people who took Tamako-chan."
"Hey! Who are you people!? I have no record of any of you being allowed in town!" The two guards, a small group of samurai and Beast Pirates, quickly surrounded them. However, before any of them could raise their weapons, another wave of power rushed from Luffy. The guards collapsed one by one, some of them foaming from the mouth.
"Huh?!" Kiku gaped in shock. What was that?
"That's the same thing you did on the beach-aru! That weird tingly thing!" Kagura exclaimed as Komachiyo began running again.
"Conqueror's Haki. Never would've expected you of all people to have it." Gintoki remarked, his brow furrowed.
"Gin-chan, didn't you say there were only two types?"
"There are three, but unlike the first two, you have to be born with conqueror's. It's not something you train for." Gintoki clarified. "Not to mention it's rare as hell. In my lifetime, I only knew one other person with it."
Luffy chimed in. "Yep. With it, I can exert my willpower over others. Helps with taking care of small fry like those guys back there."
"That's amazing-aru!"
"It's said that those who possess it have the 'qualities of a king'. It's similar to if men point left or right; most men point left, but the ones that point right indicate that an epic destiny awaits them." Gintoki finished.
"... I'm sorry, but what exactly is pointing here?" Kiku sweatdropped, not sure if she wanted the answer.
"Oh, I didn't think of it like that. I point right, so I guess I always knew then." Luffy thought aloud as he contemplated the info.
"I'm not sure if that's the same thing," Zoro retorted. "Although I point right too. So does that mean…?" Zoro thought to himself looking down at his crotch before shaking his head at the thought. "Anyways, how do we search for them? Doesn't seem like any of these people are gonna tell us."
"Most of these people look like normal civilians though," Luffy remarked as he looked around, noting multiple women, children, and elderly as they passed by.
Kiku frowned. "The villagers have always lived here. Twenty years ago, this was a thriving castle town until Orochi's henchmen seized it. They claimed whichever houses they pleased, evicting those they considered nonessential. This is what we now call Bakura-chō."
"It's not all doom and gloom at least. Most of them managed to find new jobs over in Kabuki-chō. Unless some big shot decides to visit, they usually don't bother us much," Gintoki finished the explanation as he lounged back. The peace didn't last long though, as a growing yell rapidly approached their group. Suddenly, Luffy shot out his arm to catch a sumo wrestler in midair, turning him to reveal a large red handprint covering his torso.
"Hm?" Luffy tilted his head in confusion.
"Looks like something interesting is happening up ahead," Gintoki stated casually, as if raining sumo wrestlers were a common weather phenomenon in Wano.
"Well, a sumo wrestler came flying at us, so it must be a sumo match," Luffy concluded.
"Are you telling me he was thrown all the way here?!" Zoro asked in surprise. As the group continued down the street, they finally arrived at the source of the flying sumo wrestlers. A massive crowd surrounded a ring placed right in the middle of the square. Standing in the ring was Urashima, hands raised to the sky in victory.
"...Behold the unstoppable force of Yokozuna Urashima! His power is beyond human comprehension! Who will dare to challenge this undefeated monster of the ring? Next challengers, take your positions!" the announcer shouted into his smail, projecting his voice across the square as three more wrestlers stepped into the ring.
The four men took their starting positions, knuckles touching the ground. Urashima smirked maliciously before looking up for a brief moment out towards the crowd. "Hm?"
"Ready? GO!" The announcer gave the start signal.
"OOOH! Okiku!" Before the challengers could move a muscle, Urashima swatted all three aside like flies, now focused on more important things. "You came to see me after all! So have you finally decided to become my wife?!"
The crowd was in an uproar at this reveal. One jealous woman chewed down on her sleeve. "What?! Urashima's wife?!"
"Did I hear that right?! Urashima has a bride in the crowd?! Talk about a lucky lady!" another commented.
"Oh dear…" Kiku tried in vain to hide herself behind Zoro and Gintoki to no avail, her height giving her away.
"You know you can't hide behind us, right?" Gintoki drawled.
"So you're actually engaged to that guy?" Zoro asked, recognizing the guy from earlier.
Kiku shook her head nervously. "No, that's just what he's saying."
Kagura gritted her teeth in annoyance. "Yeah, that guy's been a real pest-aru! He's been coming by our place for the last month bothering us. Gin-chan was always able to drive him off though."
"Okiku has come to see me! Bring her here, boys!" Urashima ordered his sumo lackeys, who were more than happy to comply.
"On it, bro!"
"You're such a player, bro!"
"Hey, hold on! We're looking for our friend! She's a little girl named Tamako! Tell me where to find the boss of this town!" Luffy yelled out, not caring in the least about the Yokozuna's self-proclaimed engagement. The crowd ignored him.
"Grrr, I'm so jealous! She's gonna snag that hunk!"
"She's pretty tall, but just right for Urashima!"
Urashima pointed at the rest of the group. "Grab her! Feel free to take care of those other guys!" The group leaped off of Komachiyo as they found themselves surrounded by sumo wrestlers. Luffy grinned as he quickly dodged the grabbing arms of two of the wrestlers before retaliating with palm thrusts, sending the men flying.
"Oryah!" Kagura cried out as she sent another wrestler skyward with a powerful punch. Just before touching the ground, Kagura threw a kick, blasting the man through his friends like an oversized soccer ball. One wrestler managed to sneak up from behind and grab Kiku. Zoro was about to draw his weapons before having second thoughts as the wrestlers retreated with their screaming prize over their heads.
"Zoro, why did you just let them take her!?" Luffy scolded his first mate.
"Sorry. Just didn't seem right to go slicing up unarmed naked guys…"
"They're taking her! Where did Gin-chan go?!" Kagura glanced around, wondering where her boss disappeared to during the brawl.
"So, you said the grand prize is about 500 gold?" Said boss was currently questioning one of the crowd members about the prize money for the contest.
The man nodded. "Yep, though some of the betting pools are going even higher than that."
"How high are we talking?" Gintoki inquired, hoping to get in on the action.
"You bastard! What the hell are you doing, trying to gamble at a time like this?!" Zoro snapped at the perm-head.
Gintoki turned back towards the moss-head, responding in his usual bored tone. "Relax, she'll be fine. You should already know she can handle herself."
As Kiku was set down on the stage, one of the crowd members recognized her. "Hey, isn't that one of the poster girls from that pub in Kabuki-chō?"
One jealous woman leaped at the opportunity. "She's not even allowed to be here then! Kick her out!" Suddenly, the crowd was in an uproar, chanting to throw the woman out to where they felt she belonged. Urashima finally had enough.
"Silence! From the perspective of the samurai class, you're all the same lowly cattle! Whether any of you live or die is my decision!" his voice boomed, sending shivers down the spines of those gathered before turning back to his beloved. "Now, Okiku! Come and be mine!" He rushed forward, his eyes filled with hearts and his lips puckered in anticipation of a kiss. Kiku did not reciprocate, as the aura of the warrior surrounded her once more.
"This one does not know of anyone named cattle." In a flash, Kiku drew her blade, leaping over the open arms of the yokozuna and slicing off his topknot. She sheathed her blade just as the hairpiece touched the ground. "The only thing that is low here is your heart."
"That was so cool! This is starting to get fun!" Luffy watched, eyes sparkling.
"Kiku-chan is awesome!" Kagura joined in, equally excited.
"See? Told you," Gin said, maintaining his bored tone.
Zoro smirked, conceding the point. "This'll draw the boss out fast."
The rest of the crowd looked on in abject terror. "Th-The Yokozuna's topknot!" the announcer stuttered.
Urashima was silent, still unable to fully process what happened. It was only after seeing his precious topknot, the pride of a high-class samurai, lying in the dirt like a pink piece of golden retriever shit, that he finally snapped.
"OKIKU! YOU BETRAYED ME!" he roared as he faced the woman who shattered his heart and dignity, his face twisted in rage.
"How frightful! He has the face of a demon god!"
"Oh dear! What has this one done in front of so many people?!" Like a leaf in the breeze, the warrior's aura vanished, leaving behind only the frightened teahouse waitress. "Please, have mercy Urashima-dono!" Her cries fell on deaf ears as the man raised his arm back and positioned his hands.
"That stance! It's the Far Bank Slap that sends its victims to the afterlife!" a man in the crowd gasped.
Kiku looked up in dread at the impending attack but couldn't resist one final pity-filled comment. "But in the end, you truly were the kind of man who would strike a woman..."
Urashima howled. "You inferior lowborn wench! Die!"
"EEK!"
Urashima's open palm rushed forward, only to be met with a powerful counterattack in a heated clash. "Gomu Gomu no Sumo Slap!" Luffy grinned as he countered the Yokozuna's blow with his own oversized palm, the crowd unable to control their surprise.
"Whoa!"
"Who is that guy?!"
This stalemate lasted for another second before the force sent both men toppling back towards the edge of the ring. Urashima and Luffy struggled to maintain their balance, arms waving wildly through the air as they struggled to keep themselves from falling out.
"Hold firm, Urashima!" One man shouted.
"You can do it, Luffytaro!" Kiku cheered. Finally, both men regained their balance, giving out a simultaneous sigh of relief.
"They're still in!"
Urashima stared down the Straw Hat captain, growling low. "Who are you?! And what did you do to my slap?! Stand aside! I have to kill Okiku, or my honor will never recover!"
Luffy just grinned. "Okay, sure thing…If you can beat me."
"Huh?!"
Luffy stomped the ground, getting into position. "Let's sumo! I'll warn you though, I'm pretty good!" He boasted, thinking back to his one victory against Usopp.
"What's wrong with him?! He's gonna get himself killed!"
"Seriously, who is that kid?" The announcer wondered aloud.
"That kid would be mine." Gintoki appeared, for some reason now wearing an eyepatch, a white shirt with a brown back brace, and a towel slung over his shoulder. "I'm his manager and coach. So, to make things clear, should he come out victorious, you can hand all the prize money to me."
"Yeah right. Your boy's about to get slaughtered."
Gin smirked. "Don't underestimate the kid. He's a real firecracker."
"You got this-aru! Don't lose to this guy, Joe!" Kagura, also dressed the same as Gintoki, cheered on from outside the ring.
"Who's Joe? And where did you get the eyepatch from?" Zoro wondered, confused as to when she found the time for a wardrobe change.
"Out of my way! Bodhisattva Slap!" Urashima struck out with a series of rapid-fire open-palm strikes at his opponent, seemingly coming from every direction. However, observation haki made dodging these attacks a breeze as Luffy leaped and sidestepped every last one perfectly, barely breaking a sweat, causing the crowd to go wild.
"Slippery kid, isn't he? But you're not gonna win just by dodging!" one pirate in the crowd jeered.
Urashima was beyond frustrated as his moves became wild and unpredictable. "Ear-splitter!" He slammed his palms together in a thunderous clap, hoping to crush Luffy's head. "Eye-splitter!" Not content with that, he thrust his fingers forward in an attempt to take out Luffy's eyes. It was clear that Urashima was not holding back and was determined to take him down by any means necessary.
"Hey, that's cheating!" Luffy complained before chuckling. "But I can handle it!"
"Give him an uppercut! Now follow up with a left hook!" Kagura yelled, punching the air.
"That's for boxing!" Zoro retorted.
Urashima finally hit the limit of his patience. "Move it! Okiku has to die! Not only has she spurned my proposal, she has tarnished my honor! I must crack her head open to make an example of her!"
"Shut up already about that," Luffy yelled back as he began to stretch back his arm past the crowd. "I already told you, you could do whatever you want if you beat me. I just know you won't!"
"You dare?! I'm the greatest Yokozuna in all of Wano!" Urashima bellowed. Luffy ignored him as he brought his thumb to his mouth, biting down and blowing a massive amount of air into his bones, sending it all to his outstretched arm.
"And I'm gonna be King of the Pirates! Gear Third: Gomu Gomu no Giant Sumo Slap!" Luffy slammed his massive palm right into Urashima, who barely had time to brace himself from the impact as he was sent flying out of the ring right into a nearby building.
BOOM! CRASH!
The crowd could hardly believe their eyes. "Urashima got knocked out of the ring!"
"No way?! How could he lose to that shrimp?!"
The announcer's jaw hit the floor as Gintoki just grinned smugly in victory. "Well, a loss is a loss. Now I believe I'll be taking my prize money now."
"Woo, that was fun!" Luffy laughed, his arm now deflated to normal size.
"That was amazing, Luffytaro!" Kiku congratulated him.
Kagura just slapped him on the back for a job well done. "All thanks to my coaching-aru!"
The rubble from the building began to shake as an even angrier Urashima burst forth, a giant red palm mark practically glowing across his torso. He fell to his knees, clearly winded from taking such a strong body blow. "This isn't over yet!"
Zoro whistled in admiration at the Yokozuna's durability. "He's back up already. I guess he's pretty tough after all."
Urashima growled. "This doesn't end until I make Okiku pay! You'll regret not becoming my bride…"
"Okiku-chan! Paako! How is it going?" A new voice called out from outside the ring. The crowd parted, gaping in surprise as a large group of okama strutted through. Leading them was a tall, imposing man with dark stubble across his chin, dressed in a pink kimono and lipstick, his white hair done up in the same way as Otose's.
Laying eyes on the band of drag queens, Okiku broke out in a wide smile as she leaped off the stage to greet them. "Ah, Mademoiselle! What are you doing here with everyone?"
"We just had some business to take care of in town today, but we were just heading back." The lead okama answered. "You should come by again, some of our regulars were wondering where you've been."
"Apologies, Saigo-dono. Otose-dono has been keeping me busy."
"Wait, you all know Kiku?" Luffy asked.
"Of course! Okiku's only been with us for a month, but she's already the ace of our shop!" Another drag queen with an orange bob cut and a prominent chin complimented her.
"Oh, stop now, Agomi-chan. You're embarrassing me."
"It's true though. Also, I told you, my name is Azumi-chan!"
Meanwhile, a deep silence fell over the crowd as they processed the implications presented here. One sumo wrestler finally broke the silence. "...Wait, if she works with you all...then that means..."
Kiku just raised a hand to her cheek as she began to blush. "Well, this one has always considered herself a woman at heart."
"...Right…but outside of that…that is, underneath the kimono..."
"Yep," Gintoki answered as if to confirm all their worst fears. "A dirty Tower of Babylon."
There were no words. What could be said? This person; as delicate as an orchid, as fair as a cherry blossom, practically the personification of feminine grace. A guy. Tall as a willow, slender as a reed. And a guy. Absolutely radiant in a kimono. Still a guy. Brilliant blue sky speckled with puffy white clouds, birds singing in the air. Kiku…was a guy. Luffy looked around at the dead-eyed faces of the crowd, being the only one still confused as to what had been revealed.
"Gin-san, you knew?" Kiku asked the silver-haired man, oblivious to the mood around her.
"You may be able to fool the eyes, but you can't fool the sensor between my legs."
The silence of the crowd began to crack as hushed whispers began to fill the air.
"So is that what Urashima's into?"
"Is that why he's always been turning away other women? How scandalous."
One of Urashima's lackeys bravely stepped up to his boss, who had been dead silent this whole time. His bangs shielded his eyes, making it hard to tell his mood. "Um…bro?"
"...kill…"
The lackey shrunk back in fear. "Bro?"
"...kill kill kill Kill Kill KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!" The Yokozuna roared as he shot back to his feet, the ground rumbling with each step. After all the humiliations he suffered today, between getting insulted at the eatery by that gorilla and his defeat in the ring by this shrimp, this was the straw that broke the camel's back. His eyes blazed with madness and fury, consumed by an unstoppable urge to destroy anything and anyone who dared to stand in his path. Urashima was no longer driven by reason or strategy but by a raw instinct for destruction.
"Whoa, he is mad! I didn't even think he could get more angry than he already was." Zoro commented. He was just as surprised as everyone else by Kiku's shocking revelation, but he quickly regained his composure and brushed it off, deciding it to be unimportant in this situation.
"Guess I'll have to give this guy one last slap for good measure," Luffy smirked as he wound up his arm. Before he could, Saigo jumped into the ring in front of him, his back facing Luffy.
"Hold it, Straw Hat. Thank you for protecting Okiku-chan, but she's my precious ace, so allow me to handle things from here."
The Yokozuna charged forward with all the force of a freight train, rearing back his hand for one last Far Bank Slap. "KILL!" He slammed his palm down, unleashing a force so mighty that it whipped up a fierce gust of wind, shrouding everything in a thick veil of dust. As the dust settled, the onlookers could only look on in shock. Standing firm was Saigo, completely unmoved from his spot as his outstretched arm stopped the mountain-sized man's attack dead in its tracks.
"You really think you're gonna send me to the other side with a weak slap like that?" He grinned fiendishly.
"That tranny just stopped the Yokozuna's attack cold!" One pirate yelled, his jaw practically hitting the floor.
"That's not just some tranny. That's Madamoiselle Saigo Tokumori, one of Kabuki-chō's Four Devas!"
"What?!"
Saigo reared back his arm, launching forward with his own palm thrust right into Urashima's stomach. Urashima's eyes bugged out as he was sent flying from the ring for the second time, this time not just stopping at one building; the power of Saigo's attack rocketed the man clean through several buildings, all the way to the opposite end of the town.
"He just sent him flying! You can't even see him anymore!"
Zoro's face remained unchanged, though he was still impressed all the same. "...That was something." He turned to his captain, who just stared down the okama in front of him with his mouth open part way in shock. "Luffy?"
Luffy finally found his voice. "That last attack…he didn't even touch him…it was just like what Rayleigh did…" Witnessing Saigo's attack made him think back to when he first began training with the Dark King, when the man first demonstrated armament haki to him.
Saigo turned back to Luffy and his friends, giving a grateful smile. "Thanks again, Straw Hat. We'll be off now. Okiku-chan, just remember, if you ever run into trouble with creeps like that again, be sure to tell me. The rest of you should stop by the club sometimes." He offered with a wink.
"...We'll consider it," Zoro answered after a long pause, deciding it was best not to make more enemies today.
"I'll be over soon, Mademoiselle! Give my regards to Teruhiko-kun!" Kiku waved goodbye as Saigo and his group left, the crowd still too shell-shocked to try and stop them. By the time the okama were gone, one man finally broke out of his stupor as he took notice of Zoro.
"Yikes, it's him! The magistrate killer! Slasher Zorojuro!"
"Yeah, so what?" Zoro glared at the man, triggering a domino effect as the rest of the crowd took notice.
"AIEE! Don't tell me he knows these guys?!"
"Who are these people?!"
Luffy stepped up again, taking advantage of the newfound attention. "Hey, got get the boss of this town! We're here to take back Tamako!"
"And go get my prize money while you're at it! We won it fair and square!" Gintoki hollered, both him and Kagura now back in their usual outfits.
"Why is that your priority!?" Zoro berated him.
"Let's get out of here! They're rebel brigands!" the townspeople began to flee, leaving behind a growing group of Beast Pirates and samurai.
"That must be the kid Holdem-sama has! Take her back if you can!" The enemy forces drew their weapons and charged forward.
"What should this one do?" Kiku asked Zoro as he drew his swords.
Zoro rolled his eye. "Don't act all innocent now. You don't need us to protect you." Kiku pursed her lips, pretty much knowing she had been caught red-handed.
"Get out here right now!" Luffy shouted out as he kicked one soldier, hoping the boss would hear him.
Kagura fired into a crowd of soldiers with her umbrella. "Where's my little sister-aru!"
"Should we fight?" Kiku looked around, still unsure what to do.
"Only if you don't wanna rescue the kid," Gintoki said bluntly as he battered down soldiers left and right, even stopping to grab one of them and toss him into his friends.
Kiku drew her sword as she found her resolve. "Yes, she must be saved! Hang on, Tamako-chan!"
"If you don't bring him out soon, we're just gonna wipe you all out!" Zoro threatened gleefully as he leaped over one group, slicing them up.
Luffy grabbed one bloodied-up pirate by his shirt. "What's your boss's name?!"
"H..Hbol…dembuh…"
"BALLDEBOO! GET OUT HERE NOW!" Luffy dropped the soldier after getting the info he wanted.
"If you lay a hand on Tamako-chan, you're gonna get it, Balldeboo-aru!"
"I'm right here, you brats!" The town boss finally revealed himself, standing on top of a nearby building. "And my name is Holdem!"
"Holdem-sama!" his subordinates cried out in joy.
"So you finally decided to show yourself!" Luffy shouted up at him.
"I didn't have much of a choice! Urashima came flying out of nowhere and demolished my house! Who are you and what did you come for!?"
"Well, technically, that wasn't us. That was the okama…" Zoro tried to correct him. However, he was drowned out by Tamako's cries for help as she sat in the mouth of the lion where Holdem's stomach should be.
"Big Bro, Big Sis!"
"Tamako-chan!"
"Yeah, right! A likely story! It sounds like you want this kid back. Well, don't move! I can crush her in my jaws at any time!" Holdem threatened as the lion growled deeply, just waiting for the order to bite down.
"He has a lion on his tummy." Luffy stared up in wonder momentarily. "I'm gonna save you now, Tamako!"
"And how do you intend to do that?! Move a muscle, and this brat becomes a snack for Kamijiro!"
"Waaah!" Tamako cried.
"Let her go, or I'll kick your ass!" Luffy shot back.
"Arf, Arf!" Komachiyo barked in concern.
"Gahaha! You talk big for a fool! You know about this brat's ability, don't you?! I'll capture you all and use you as bait for your boss!"
"Who?!"
"You know who! Shutenmaru of the Atamayama Thieves Brigade! They're the ones responsible for all the recent farm thefts, right?! Even if you defeated the Yokozuna by a fluke…"
"Again, not us," Gintoki interrupted.
"...I expect you all must be his more important henchmen! Or perhaps you're not thieves, and are instead with the Joui faction underneath that cowardly bastard, Katsura Kotaro!"
"Oh, you mean Zura–" Gintoki smacked Kagura on the head before she could finish.
Kiku approached Luffy from behind, whispering a warning in his ear. "Luffytaro, please, do not make him angry."
"I don't know, he seems pretty angry already."
"No more than this! He himself is strong, but the one the townspeople truly fear is the man backing him, the true ruler of Kuri! One of Kaido's top lieutenants, Jack the Drought!"
"Wasn't that the guy that destroyed Zou?" Zoro thought aloud.
"He was the guy that poisoned Cat and Dog, right? But I thought the Elephant smashed his ship to pieces."
"They're speaking of animals?" Kiku thought to herself. "You are aware of Jack's shipwreck then? He is not dead, this one is afraid. He arrived here several days ago."
"What?!" Luffy and Zoro were shocked. How could he have survived? From what they heard, he was a Devil Fruit eater. Once his ship sank, that should've been the end for him.
"The point is, if you anger Holdem, then Jack will arrive to take vengeance. He will reduce this entire town to a wasteland."
"That's messed up! You're basically holding the whole town hostage!" Luffy accused the headliner.
"They're pirates. What did you expect them to do? Play fair? Uh, no offense, by the way." Gintoki quickly apologized.
Zoro grimaced. "Nah, you have a point, as annoying as it is to admit."
"Enough yapping! Hurry up and come take the kid back like you said! Just know the instant you move, this happens!" Holdem nodded, and Kamijiro began biting down on Tamako, causing her to scream out in pain.
"It hurts!"
"Stop it right now!" Luffy screamed furiously.
"Gahahaha! The cries of the inferior never get old! Don't forget, I owe you one for busting up my house!"
"What's with all the yelling, Holdem?" Walking up the street, a large procession was led by a female centaur, munching carefree on an apple. Behind her was a massive ship on wheels with mountains of food practically spilling out the sides.
"It's Speed-sama! And she brought the Treasure Barge! That's today's feast, boys!" one of the pirates whooped in glee, his companions joining him.
"Look at all that food!" Luffy eyed the ship, tongue hanging out and drool dripping from his mouth as his stomach rumbled. To his right, Kagura mirrored him as she stared down the ship.
"It's all from Paradise Farms. It's all food raised and grown with poison-free water." Kiku said.
"Why do only these bastards get to have it!?" Luffy gritted his teeth before turning to his first mate. "Zoro, you go take care of that! I'll get Tamako!"
"Huh?" Kiku and Gintoki voiced in bewilderment as Zoro began cracking his neck.
"Sorry, guys, looks like this is gonna be a hit and run."
"I'll help with that," Kagura said as she too began cracking her neck, drool still hanging from her mouth.
"Oi, Kagura, what are you thinking about right now? What happened to saving your little sister?" Gintoki tried to stop the Yato girl from doing something that would make their situation worse.
Holdem cackled maliciously. "Well, I don't suppose I'll need five hostages! Let's execute some right now! Let's go with the woman and the perm-head! Step forward, you two! And drop your weapons–"
SMACK! KRACK!
In the blink of an eye, several things at once happened: Gintoki threw Lake Toya, hitting the headliner clean in the face. During this momentary distraction, the four moved instantly, Zoro and Kagura going after the Treasure Barge and Luffy and Gintoki jumping up to meet Holdem. Luffy snatched Tamako from Kamijiro's mouth, cracking a tooth in the process and causing the lion to yelp out in pain. Gintoki, using Holdem's face as a springboard, jumped up and grabbed his bokutō midair.
"GAH! What did you do, you bastard?! And where's the kid?!"
"What? I did what you said and dropped my weapon," Gintoki answered sarcastically as he and Luffy landed on a different rooftop.
"That doesn't mean throw it in my face!"
"Sorry for the wait, kid." Gintoki apologized to Tamako.
"Let's get out of here, Tamako!" Luffy shouted as the duo turned to run.
"When did you get her?! What are you doing, Kamijiro?!" Holdem scolded Kamijiro, still trying to process what happened.
Meanwhile, back on the ground, Zoro and Kagura ripped through the soldiers guarding the barge like wet paper, Speed still too caught off guard to react properly.
"This way, dog!" Zoro called over Komachiyo, who had also taken the opportunity to grab Kiku in his mouth and toss her onto the ship.
"Take this, Koma-chan!" Kagura yelled as she tossed the reins of the ship for the Komainu to catch in his mouth.
"Arf!"
"Let's go!" Zoro spurred Komachiyo on as the team of three made a break for it, Kagura covering their backs as she fired explosive rounds from her umbrella at their pursuers.
"Wait, what happened to your cheek?" Back on the rooftops, Luffy took notice of the deep purple bruise on Tamako's cheek.
"Oh, I'm fine…He tugged on them with some pliers is all...It's funny, you can't even pull out my dango that way…" The girl explained, trying to act as if it was no big deal. Even so, it was clear she was still in a great deal of pain, made only worse by the reassuring smile she was attempting to give Luffy and Gintoki.
"Pliers?!" Luffy growled. Gintoki remained silent, choosing only to glare back at the headliner. Leaping up again to dodge another sword swing from Holdem, Luffy dropped Tamako midair as he stretched his haki-coated fist back and began accelerating his blood flow, causing his skin to emit steam and take on a pink tinge. Gintoki readied himself in a stance, preparing to launch himself at the headliner.
"AHH! Don't worry, Big Bros! You guys already saved me, so you don't have to do this!" Tamako cried out as she fell, not wanting her saviors to get into more trouble than they already were in.
"You dare challenge me?! Then burn, fools! Roar, Lion Fire!" Holdem thrust out his stomach as Kamijiro's mouth bulged, expelling a giant fireball that completely engulfed the two.
"Big Bros!"
"Gahahaha! I'll finish you off with my trick mechanism sword!" The headliner raised his chain whip blade. However, he was caught off guard as Luffy burst forth from the fireball completely unharmed, aside from a few singes.
"Gomu Gomu no…" Luffy's fist ignited, both it and his anger burning hotter than the gifter's attack could ever hope to match.
"EEK! Kamijiro, another roar!" Holdem panicked. Kamijiro breathed deeply as he prepared another fireball, cut short as Gintoki appeared in a flash directly below him. Like Luffy, the worst damage he seemed to suffer from the last attack was just some smoldering bits of clothing and hair.
"Don't even think about it, you shitty housecat." The samurai's glare made the lion cower, and for a brief moment, the king of beasts felt what it was like to be hunted by an apex predator.
"Red Hawk!" Luffy's flaming fist smashed into Holdem's face. At that same moment, Gintoki raised his sword, bringing it down on the lion's face. Both attacks completely shattered the remaining teeth in their jaws and sent the gifter careening over the building's edge.
FWOOM
"Gyaaahh!" The headliner cried out in pain as the flames from Luffy's attack spread across his body as he fell from the roof. Having successfully taken out their anger on the bastard, Luffy stretched down and grabbed Tamako midair, meeting with Gintoki on the ground.
"Holdem-sama!" his subordinates shouted.
"Luffytaro! Gin-san!" Kiku shouted out in concern, knowing fully well the consequences of their action.
Zoro grimaced. "They've gone and done it now. Luffy, I'm not surprised by, but I thought that Gin guy would have had a cooler head than that."
"Come on, Koma-chan! Get us to the entrance of town!" Kagura urged the giant dog from atop his head.
"Beaten in a single blow?! Who are these guys?!" Speed wondered as she inspected the burnt body of her cohort, who by some miracle was still breathing.
"Halt, you two!" One Beast Pirate demanded as he and his cohorts chased after a fleeing Luffy and Gintoki.
"You had to go attack that guy, didn't you?" Gintoki admonished the boy like a kid who got caught sticking his hand in a cookie jar.
"You did it too!" Luffy retorted back, looking around for an escape route in the growing swarm of pirates before his eyes settled on the hind legs of a horse.
"A horse! Perfect timing! Let's go!" Luffy and Gintoki leaped on, the silver head wrapping his arms around the horse's neck with Tamako sitting between him and Luffy.
"Wait…this feeling…" Gintoki sweatdropped as he groped at the familiar sensation that definitely did not belong on a horse's neck.
Bwoing
"EEK! Who's manhandling me?! What's the big idea?! Let go, you beast!"" Speed shrieked as she repeatedly threw her elbow into Gintoki's face, kicking up as she tried to shake the unwanted riders off her back.
"It's a person!" Luffy and Tamako gaped.
"Yeah, no shit-oof!" Gintoki replied sharply as the gifter's elbow dug into his cheek as he gripped on for dear life.
"Drag them off!" The Beast Pirates tried to approach them, but could not get close enough without nearly getting kicked by the very commander they were trying to help, but that wouldn't last long.
Fortunately, Luffy had an idea. "Tamako, make one of your dango and give it to the horse!"
"Huh? It's never worked on a person before!" Tamako argued. Regardless, she did as Luffy said, pulling out a dango and holding it up for Speed.
"Let go! What do you think you're…ooh, that looks good!" Speed quickly gobbled up the dango, unable to resist the treat being offered to her. As soon as she swallowed, she fell silent.
"Did it work?"
Suddenly, like a rocket, Speed took off, grinning wildly. "Nee-heeee, where to, master?"
"Looks like it did. Must be because she's half-animal." Gintoki reasoned.
"Get us out of here, Horselina!" Luffy shouted.
"Shut up, I'm not your servant."
"Please do what he says, Horselina." Tamako pleaded.
"Yes, Master!"
"Also, let me keep fondling your chest, Horselina." Gintoki attempted to negotiate.
"You can keep beating him up, Horselina," Tamako ordered flatly as Speed continued to drive her elbow into his face
"Why is my treatment so different?!"
"You know why!" Luffy quipped back.
As the two meatheads continued arguing, Tamako looked back up towards Luffy, thinking back to his last attack. "Big Bro Luffy, during that fight…you were just like Ace…"
"Hm?"
"Nothing." She said with a smile as she rested her head back on his chest as the trio dashed off to catch up to the escaping Treasure Barge.
Back at said barge, Zoro was keeping an eye on the road up ahead. Everything seemed clear until he noticed what seemed to be two swordsmen facing off in the middle of the street. It must've been a big fight, considering there were body parts scattered everywhere. "Hey, you two up there! Move out of the way!"
The two men quickly jumped to the side as the Treasure Barge plowed through, the body parts getting tossed through the air. The most shocking part was how said parts seemed to still be alive, screaming as they flew past.
"Whoa, what is all this-aru? It's really freaky." Kagura looked around in wonder, too distracted by the sight to notice as someone new jumped onto the ship, stomping right up to Zoro and grabbing him by the cuff of his kimono.
"YOU?!"
"Oh. Hey, Traffy." Zoro casually greeted the captain of the Heart Pirates and the man they were currently allies with, Trafalgar Law. Law was less than pleased by their reunion.
"Is he a friend of yours-aru?"
"Sort of," Zoro answered, his eye never leaving the angry captain.
"What the hell is wrong with you?! I distinctly remember you promising to lay low, but here you are, wanted by the law and bringing Jack down on our heads! You're supposed to be a ronin in the Flower Capital, so why the hell are you in Kuri?!"
Before Zoro could answer, Kiku called back to him. "Zorojuro! We're now leaving Bakura-chō."
Zoro grinned. "Good! Let's take this to the entrance between Kabuki-chō and Okobore-chō and unload it!"
You might have expected see a Hinomaru Sumo reference during the Urashima fight. Unfortunately, I haven't watched that anime, so I had to work with what I had. Other than that, this was a fun chapter to write, especially with the part about Kiku's reveal. See you all soon!