Disclaimer: I do not own Junjou Romanica. All credit goes to the writer/creators of the show/Manga.

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Chapter Two

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Misaki woke up panting and out of breath. He thought he'd heard someone screaming, but after he calmed his sleepy mind he'd realized it was his own shouts that woke him, and with the nightmare that was fading from his mind, he wasn't surprised.

God, he could feel it. The man's hands. His hot breath on his neck. He could hear his hoarse voice telling him to behave and he won't use the knife he held to his side. He could smell the piss and beer. It made his stomach muscles clench with fear. No. He wasn't there. He was here, safe.

Glancing at the clock he could see it was still early, but he figured it was late enough to start his day. He went about his routine, actively shoving the dream out of his mind. After he brushed his teeth, he started the coffee and breakfast.

Once he was done with both, he went on a run, something he'd only started doing since he'd been back. After that, he showered and put on

the nicest outfit he had.

He studied his reflection. His eyes were dull, and his skin pale. That was from being tired. He didn't sleep well most nights. His heart started to pound, but he quickly started thinking about what was to come. Not what was behind him. He was here. Not there.

Today he'd be meeting Nanami and while this was an arranged marriage he intended to do right by her. Part of him, however small, was almost relieved for this marriage. He could be seen as normal in the eyes of society once married. Plus she wouldn't question him if he seemed indifferent considering.

Pending fatherhood scared him a bit, though he'd been around children before and he'd have Nanami. She would no doubt be in charge of the child's care, simply relying on him for financial help and back up when needed.

Yes, this was all for the best. Truly.

Once noon came around, he tried once more time to tame his hair before heading to the restaurant. He was meeting her there, and both of them agreed to wear a pink rose so the other knew who to look for. He kinda wished they hadn't chosen roses, but it was too late now, and really it didn't matter. Roses just reminded him of Usagi.

Once he arrived at the little hole in the wall they chose, he scanned the outside tables and spotted her. She was fiddling with a glass of water, looking as nervous as he felt. As he drew closer he decided she was pretty. Not gorgeous or anything, but still. She had that kind of pretty that made you feel at home.

"Nanami?" he asked, getting her attention.

She stood suddenly, wide-eyed and red. "Yes," she said with a bow.

"Please, there's no need for that," he replied, waving her to sit. "Did you find this place okay?"

"Yes. It wasn't hard," she replied, looking back at the glass of water. "I'm sorry, I'm a little nervous about this."

Misaki laughed. "To be honest, so am I. I've never been good at things like this."

Nanami smiled. Somehow she had imagined Misaki to be scary. However, the man that sat in front of her with his shy smile and soft mannerisms wasn't scary at all. "I'm so sorry you got pulled into this. I was horrified when my cousin had told me about it."

"Ah well." Misaki shrugged. "It's no big deal, really."

"Is there no one you love?"

Usagi's smiling face popped into his head. Love wasn't the problem. He'd left because he didn't want to cause him trouble. Papa Usagi had made it clear he was an unwanted problem and that if he were to stay, things would turn for the worst. Then, Usagi suggested they go their separate ways. The words had felt like a knife in his heart and for a moment he was certain he'd heard wrong. However, after thinking it over and waiting for Usagi to say he didn't really want him to leave, he decided that maybe it was for the best.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry." She blushed.

"No, it's not you. No. There's no one."

Nanami closed her eyes as she buried her face. "I'm not reckless you know. I mean, obviously, I was a little reckless. But I loved him."

"What happened? Why isn't he marrying you?"

"He's white. My parents would never allow it. He went back to Europe, and I had planned on going to him, but…I can't do it. He doesn't know about the baby, and if he decided he wasn't ready? I can't confess any of this to my parents or ill be disowned."

Misaki sighed deeply. "Won't they realize that the baby was conceived before we got married? Also that it might look like the father?"

"I pray both will be overlooked because I married a nice Japanese man." she bowed her head as she spoke. "I'll be forever in your debt."

"Well this works in my favor too, so you don't have to feel so bad."

She looked at him with curiosity, but she didn't push it. "The party is tomorrow. Takahiro told my parents that we've been dating for a few months so we should probably decide how and when we met and started dating."

They did just that. It was decided they met on the train and went for coffee. After that, the rest was history. They talked about what they did for a living. She was a waitress. They shared things they believed a couple should know, and both were surprised to find that they got along well. While this situation was awkward, both felt at ease.

Not that it meant a whole lot. Getting along over coffee was one thing, but living together was a whole different story. Still, Misaki was used to living with people others might find difficult, so there was that. He was sure they'd make it work. One way or another.

After a few hours, they made their way to his brother's house where both were supposed to stay the night for the party the next day. As they walked in the front door they were discussing their favorite movie. Misaki stopped mid-sentence when he spotted Hiroto, his old roommate beaming at him from the couch.

"Hey, Misa!" he greeted, throwing his arms around him.

"Hey, Hiro. What are you doing here?" It wasn't that he was unhappy to see him, just surprised.

"I had the weekend off, so I figured I'd come here and see you. I looked you up, but you weren't home, so I looked your brother up." He smiled.

"Um…This is Nanami," Misaki said, turning the attention to her. He was feeling a little awkward and wanted to get the attention off him.

"Yes, your brother was telling me about your lovely bride to be," he said with a smile but looked at Misaki with questioning eyes. "Please to meet you, I am Hiroto."

"So you're getting married, huh?" Hiroto asked later that night.

"Yeah," Misaki replied as he readied a bed for Hiroto.

"That's pretty sudden. I didn't think I'd come here and find you engaged." He'd actually planned on asking if he could stay. The truth was, he missed Misaki like crazy. Yeah, things with them ended on an awkward note, but he wasn't ready to call quits. And it wasn't like he didn't know why Misaki was having a hard time with intimacy.

Neither did he, yet here they were. "When you know, you know."

Hiroto eyed his friend. No, he didn't believe that it was something so simple. "Hey, I know we kind ended on odd terms, but I hope we are still good?"

Misaki nodded. "Yeah, we're okay."

"Good."

Usami greeted Takahiro and Manami, wishing them a happy anniversary. He felt that this party seemed a little overkill for his best friend, but he just figured Manami wanted it, though he couldn't understand why. It wasn't a major anniversary. But whatever, he would do his part.

"I'm glad you could make it. So many people here are from Manami's side, so I don't know most of them." Takahiro laughed.

"No worries. I'm good with small talk. Even to those, I don't know." Usami glanced over and saw Misaki. He was standing alone, holding a glass of wine and seemed so out of place he almost chuckled. He stiffened when a man he didn't know walked over to Misaki and casually threw his arm around his shoulders.

To make the jealousy worse, Misaki's cheeks turned bright red, an adorable reaction he showed to far too many people. He missed that expression. Missed being able to fluster him with a simple look or gesture.

"You okay?" Takahiro asked, sensing the tension.

"Yeah," Usami lied easily. He waited a moment, shifting his gaze before saying. "I didn't know Misaki was back."

"Yeah, he returned a couple months ago. A job opportunity brought him back this way."

"And the guy next to him?" Usami struggled to keep his tone even because the guy was now straightening Misaki's tie, and surprisingly, Misaki didn't stop him, though he had turned beet red again. Then something or someone across the room seemed to capture his attention. Damn, he hated this. He wanted Misaki's attention!

"Oh, that's his friend Hiroto. He arrived last night. I don't think Misaki was expecting him. I have a feeling they had a falling out because Misaki seemed a bit shy when he first saw him. He gets that way when he's at odds with someone."

Yeah, he knew that well. He sipped his drink as he fought hard not to go over there and show possession. It was no longer his place. Even if that didn't sit well.

Misaki didn't know most of the people in this room. He knew the plan of course. Takahiro and Manami threw an anniversary party, getting everyone together, and at some point, they would announce that this day was doubly special and announce his and Nanami's engagement.

He didn't have a problem with the plan. Well, he wasn't going to like when all the attention shifted on him and Nanami, but he would deal. However, the fact that this was a party for Takahiro and Manami meant he knew no one.

"This is a nice place," Hiroto said as he put his arm over Misaki's shoulders. "Never been a party at a hotel before. Do you do things like this all the time?"

"Not at all," he replied with a laugh. The last time he was at a party in a hotel he'd been with Usagi, but sharing that would open a can of worms he'd rather keep closed. Hiroto knew about Usagi, but his existence was all he knew about it.

"Your tie is crooked," Hiroto said, fixing it as he spoke. "You would think you'd get better at tying it." he joked.

"Shut up," Misaki replied, and hating the fact that he was flushed. He wouldn't say it to anyone, but Hiroto was cute, and he had a way of making him blush. He looked over and saw Nanami standing alone by the drinks table. Some people had started slow dancing, and he thought he should sell them as a couple, and offer to dance with her. "Excuse me."

"You want to dance?" he asked, holding out his hand for hers.

She smiled, looking relieved. "Please. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't stop fretting about later."

Misaki walked her out to the dance floor. "I'll warn you, I'm not good at this."

"Don't worry. Just hold me close and slowly spin."

He did as she said, and when he looked past her shoulder and spotted Usagi, he paled some. Why was he here? Right, he was Takahiro's best friend. Why wouldn't he be here? Wait, if he was here now then he would be here for the announcement! No, he couldn't let that happen. He needed to find a way to tell him beforehand. Or…maybe he shouldn't. He didn't owe him anything. Still, they parted on good terms more or less, so maybe he should? Shit. What should he do?

"You okay?" Nanami asked, sensing his panic.

"I need…"

It was this moment that the music cut off and Takahiro's voice filled the room through the mic. "Good evening, everyone. I want to thank you all for celebrating with us tonight. Some might have guessed that this was a bit much for an anniversary, but tonight doubles as a celebration of an engagement."

No! wait! Not yet! Misaki's mind shouted in a panic. He glanced at Usami who was, of course, right next to his brother.

"I'm pleased to announce the engagement of my little brother and his fiancée, Nanami!"

Nothing. Misaki was hurt to see that Usagi had no reaction at all. He'd expected surprise in the least. But he seemed as bored with this news has he'd been about the party.

"Misa!" Hiroto said obnoxiously loud as he hugged Misaki to him. "I want to dance too." He pouted.

It had been about an hour since the announcement of his engagement and Misaki really wished he could leave. Like. Now.

"Hiro, you're drunk. I hate you when your drunk."

"Why?" Hiroto whined as he rested his forehead on Misaki's shoulder.

"Because you get really loud and really clingy," Misaki said with annoyance.

"But Nanami wouldn't mind, would you?"

Nanami seemed amused. "He's all yours."

"Yay!"

"Okay," Misaki said as he escorted Hiroto from the room. This was just getting embarrassing for both of them.

"Okay, you stay here and I'll call a cab," Misaki was about to go to the front desk when Hiroto grabbed his suit jacket, making him stop and look back.

"Misaki, why?"

"Because you're drunk and I can't trust you won't get lost on your way to the train."

"No. Why not me?"

Oh. That why. "Hiro…"

He was cut off by Hiroto grabbing him and planting a kiss on his lips. He struggled some, but eventually pulled away. "Hiro, no."

"Why? Because you're afraid? I would never hurt you. It can't be because of the engagement, surely you don't expect me to believe you really have feelings for that girl?"

"I care for you, Hiro, but that's all." Misaki went to move, but Hiro grabbed him, pushing him again the wall before kissing his neck.

"Just once. Please, let me have you just once!" He was desperate. He loved Misaki so much it made him stupid!

Misaki felt a bit overwhelmed by him. Hiroto was taller than he was, and he was muscular. If he wanted to take him, Hiroto would have no problem doing so, and that thought made him nauseated as it took him back to that stairwell.

"Hiro…wait." Hiroto's Hands was now unbuttoning his pants. "Stop!" He shouted as he struggled to push him away. He knew logically the Hiroto wasn't trying to hurt him, he was drunk and not thinking, but that didn't stop him from panicking because it brought him back to that night. Back to where he was forced to…

Suddenly, Hiroto's weight was gone, and the man was stumbling backward. Usagi stood between them, looking furious.

"Misaki, are you alright?" He asked, not taking his eyes off Hiroto who looked back at Usagi with surprise.

"I'm fine," Misaki replied, though he was surprised to find tears on his cheeks. "I'm okay, he added moving around Usagi, doing his best not to look at him. He was shaken, but that was due to the memory, not Hiroto.

Hiroto shook his head as Misaki approached him. "How do I forget you?"

"Hiro, I…" he's never realized he'd felt so deeply. It made him feel bad, but he didn't return his feelings. Not to the same degree.

"Let's get you a cab, okay?" Misaki said, putting his hand on Hiroto's shoulder.

"Misaki!" Usagi called after them.

"I'll be fine," Misaki called back. He couldn't allow himself to stay around Usagi for too long. No, it would complicate his feelings. He would just have to be sure to avoid him the best he could.

Do you ever feel like the universe is playing with you? Like it takes your life and tries to find the best way to completely derail you? Well, Misaki thought for sure this has to be some big cosmic joke.

The day after the announcement of his engagement, he'd learned that the company he'd been working for was bought out by some other company, and that company was going to decide who to keep and who would need to find new employment.

Good news? He wasn't out of a job. In fact, he would be getting even more pay because the company pays its workers better. Bad news? It was Marukawa books who'd bought his previous job, and now he stood in front of Isaka and a few more familiar faces as they welcome him to the company.

This. Was. Hell.

"Hey, shorty!" Isaka said as he threw his arm around him. "Been a while. Never thought I'd see you around here again."

"Yeah, me either." He replied.

"Hey, don't be nervous. The Emerald team is a great team. You'll do fabulous there! You picked the right time to show interest in manga."

Misaki simply nodded. He didn't have much else to say. Well, actually, he wanted to beg Isaka to not tell Usagi that he was now working there because…well, because he had a right to his privacy.

He hardly listened as Isaka talked on as he was brought to his new station. He made the introductions of the emerald team. Currently, they all looked exhausted, but one of them gave him a smile.

"Welcome to the team! I'm Ritsu and I'll be sure to show you the ropes."

Misaki thanked him and was glad to be out of the gaze of Isaka. He had given Misaki the impression that he had some questions, all of which would have had nothing to do with work.

He. Was. Tired. Misaki sat on his couch, feeling too tired to cook dinner. Two weeks after working there, and he had a new appreciation for manga editors.

Not only was work long hours, but he was also dealing with wedding stuff. He was tired of that too. His sister in law was having a blast planning this wedding and she asked him questions he just didn't have answers for. Hell, off white and freaking eggshell looked the same to him!

Not to mention he didn't care what kind of flowers were used or if they could use blue or purple for the splash of color. It wasn't that he was trying to be mean, it was just that he didn't really see why it mattered.

Maybe because he thought to do a big wedding was silly considering, however, they did have to keep up appearances.

He looked at his phone when he received a text. Shit. He looked in his bag for the paper his boss was looking for and he did indeed still have it. He would have to bring it over ASAP.

An hour later he was waiting for the elevator that would bring him back to the bottom floor. He was so tired he could pass out, but he only had to wait about fifteen more minutes and he'd be home in bed.

The doors opened, and his eyes met Usagi's.

"Hey, shorty," Isaka said with a smile as he passed him getting off the elevator.

Misaki stepped in, feeling suddenly more tired. He wasn't up for this. Not at all. He tensed as Usagi touched his arm.

"I heard you were working here. Congratulations."

"Thanks." God, he hated how his heart pounded in his chest. He hated that Usagi's comforting smell of soap and cigarettes filled the air around him, intoxicating him.

"And congratulations on you're marriage as well."

Usagi's voice was sad and low, but Misaki ignored it. "Thank you."

After way too long, the elevator doors opened again, and he practically bolted away. He needed to get away from Usagi and he needed fresh air.

"Hey! Misaki!" Usagi called after him. "Wait!" Usagi cornered him, putting his hands against the wall on each side of him. "Why can't you at least talk with me? I've been trying to be patient…"

"Because I can't breathe!" Misaki shouted as he fought the urge to touch him. "I can't breathe when you're so close," he added gently, turning his face down. "It confuses me." He wanted to touch him so bad. To be touched by him.

He remembered just how those large hands felt. He ached to feel those soft lips caress his skin. For Usagi to drown him in the pleasure of his touch and have him crying out his name.

"Misaki," Usagi said, taking his face in his hands.

"No, please don't," tears spilled over now. Once again, the smell of soap and cigarettes filled his nose, practically making his head spin. He knew Usagi was going to kiss him. He didn't understand why Usagi was playing with him. He was the one who broke things off after all. He wouldn't survive being kissed by him now.

"Why not?" Usagi asked in a whisper, his lips inches away from Misaki's. Not kissing him took a great deal of restraint.

Because it will destroy me, he'd thought to himself, but like hell he'd say that out loud. "Because I'm taken."

That had Usami stepping back. "Yes. You are."

Misaki stood there a moment, pulling himself back together. "I need to go."

Usagi nodded. "I don't suppose you'll accept an offer to drive you home?"

Misaki's first instinct was to decline. Not only did he not want to be stuck in a car with Usagi, but he didn't want to inconvenience him either. However after realizing the train was no longer running he realized his trip home on foot would be at least an hour, and he didn't have enough money on him for a cab due to leaving his wallet at home.

Usami was surprised that Misaki took him up on his offer, but was glad he did. Misaki looked dead on his feet. His eyes were dark with fatigue and he seemed a hair too thin for his liking.

It took everything he had not to touch him. Any of him would due. His fingers ached for contact even if it was just a little. Nevertheless, he kept his hands to himself.

He still couldn't believe that Misaki was getting married. Hell, it hurt to know that he'd had a lover. No, that man had begged to be with him at least once, so they weren't lovers, but Usami could see by the way Misaki looked at that man that he meant something. That pissed him off.

It didn't matter that he didn't have a right to be jealous. He knew damn well he was the one who broke things off, but he didn't do it because he stopped loving him. Because he stopped wanting to be Misaki's one and only. But damn it, why did Misaki agree so easily! Why didn't he fight! What the hell!

He glanced over when Misaki jerked after nearly falling asleep. "You should take better care of yourself."

"I do just fine."

Usami's Jaw clutched. "Why must you argue?"

"Why must you act like you care?"

That question threw him. "Why wouldn't I care?" He demanded.

"You broke up with me, remember? You gave up the right to care," Misaki snapped.

Usagi pulled over and shot Misaki an angry look. "Don't you dare act like me breaking up with you meant that I didn't care! Letting you walk out my door wasn't easy."

Anger flooded Misaki as he reached for the door handle. "Yeah, well leaving wasn't easy for me either, but walking away from you only gets easier!" He said as he got out of the car. He ran away as Usagi called for him.

Usami had half a mind to chase Misaki down, but figured that it would get them nowhere. Of course, Misaki was mad at him for breaking things off. After all, it wasn't like he'd given him the reasons.

Usami drove home lost in thought. He'd assumed Misaki was okay with the break up seeing how he'd been so quick to accept it. Hell, the next day he'd had most of his stuff packed.

But could that have been out of hurt? Out of confusion? Had he simply accepted that he was done with him because he felt like an inconvenience? He'd said such foolish things before, but Usami thought he'd made himself clear that Misaki was never an inconvenience. Ever.

Usami sat in the car long after he'd parked. It hurt him to know just how much he'd hurt Misaki. Back at Marukawa books when he'd been about to kiss him, the fear in hurt on Misaki's face nearly made him weep. How could he have been so careless? How could he not make himself clear as to why he'd break up with him?

This was still on his mind as he made is way into his apartment. Cigarette lit and at his lips, he laid back on the couch. He could still smell Misaki's cologne. The same subtle sent he'd used since he first met him. The scent suited him, and at some point, Usami had started to use the scent to soothe him.

He missed it. He missed Misaki. He missed the sound of Misaki living here. The smells of food cooking. The complaints that Misaki affectionately made. He'd always know when something really bothered Misaki or if he was complaining just to do it. He missed waking up and finding Misaki putting food on the table. He missed holding Misaki late as night, his soft snores helping him turn off his mind and sleep.

Misaki had brought so much life to this apartment. Hell, he'd brought life to him. With Misaki around, suddenly life was fuller. Better then he'd ever thought he'd have. Misaki had been his family and for once he thought he knew what it was like to have a family. Misaki was everything.

So how the hell did Misaki not know that?

"Get rid of him or I will." That's what his father threatened. How would he try to get rid of Misaki?

Annoyed, Usami flipped into his stomach. He wanted Misaki back, truth be told. He'd wanted him back from the moment he's ended things. But the reasons he broke things off never changed. His family was a problem and he couldn't know how far they would go.

Who was he kidding? If Misaki has walked in his door right now and asked him to take him back he would in a heartbeat. No questions. Shit, it was hard not to fall in his knees, begging Misaki to have him back. He might have done it too if Misaki wasn't about to get married.

Usami groaned as he squeezed his eyes closed. He would just have to let him go. It was as simple as that. Even if it made his chest ache. Even if he spent the rest of his life pining. He didn't want Misaki in danger. Damn his father! That bastard.

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I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and comments are greatly appreciated. Thanks :D