Disclaimer: I do not own Junjou Romanica. All credit goes to the writer/creators of the show/Manga.

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Chapter Three

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Misaki laid in bed, the nightmare leaving him drained. It seemed to be happening more frequently lately, and he wished he could figure out why. He licked his dry lips, trying to will himself to move. His thoughts, however, had him paralyzed. He felt sick with himself. Sick that he'd allowed himself to be used like that by a stranger.

What was even sicker? His body responded. He'd hardened, as that man grabbed at him, forcing him to his knees. He's begged him not to do it. Really he didn't want it. But…Then why did his body respond to it? Why? He cried out, the pain had been unbearable. The knife that found it's way in his side hardly registered compared to the pain of the guy pushing his hardness into him. So why? Why did his body respond?

He put his hand over the scar on his side. Was he sick? Did he get some sick satisfaction over what happened? Was he…Was it proof that he was completely gay? No. Women don't like being raped, even when straight. Maybe he was raped because he liked guys.

Maybe that was his punishment. Feeling sick, he ran to the bathroom, throwing up nothing but acid. He'd skipped dinner the night before, far too tired to eat. After the dry heaving ceased, he sat on his bathroom floor and wept. Was he so wrong for liking guys? Did it really mean he deserved it?

He buried his face in his knees trying to keep himself from shattering. He was so alone. So very alone that he felt like he was drowning in himself, and he was afraid that he would suffocate before anyone could save him.

His alarm clock sounded the noise cutting into the fog that had settled over his mind. It was like a beacon to bring him back to the present. After a few minutes, he stood to turn it off. Taking a deep breath, he looked around the tiny room, trying to pulling himself together. He needed to stop crying like a child and get to work.

Push forward. He had to push forward.

"That's a filthy habit."

Usami turned to see Hiroto leaning against the building. He was unhappy to see him out here considering it was a good chance he was waiting for Misaki to get off work.

"Who asked you?"

"Misaki doesn't like smokers."

Usami turned to the man. "Are you trying to piss me off?" What was with this guy? He just wanted a freaking smoke before they resumed this extremely long and annoying meeting.

"No. I'm just trying to figure out why he's so hung up on you. You seem to be everything he hates. Or maybe, that's why he hates them."

Usami blew out smoke. "So you guys are close?"

"I'd say so. We lived together up until he moved back here. At first living with him was a bit annoying, to be honest. He was always quiet and seemed to walk on eggshells. He never wanted to do anything to inconvenience me. And the nighttime screaming?" Hiroto shook his head. "But after some time, I couldn't help but fall for him. Even if he wouldn't let me in."

"Nighttime screaming?" Usami asked. What did that mean?

"Oh, his night terrors. He had them a lot when we started living together. He doesn't seem to have them so bad now. I asked what they were about once, but he told me to mind my own damn business. But he cried out the words, please stop, a lot. So I have drawn my conclusions. He didn't live in a great neighborhood before we moved in together."

Usami's blood ran cold when he thought he understood what he was getting at. Had someone assaulted him? Anger filled him, making him warm with it. If that was the case he'd murder the man who did it!

"Anyway, I'm going back home, but I have to apologize for acting like an ass before I go."

"Took you long enough," Usami grumbled. His behavior at the party had been inexcusable.

" I guess I should say, apologize again. We got together a few days after to clear the air. I'm still surprised he's getting married, but I understand it now."

Usami's brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"The marriage is arranged. His brother asked him to marry her because she's with child. Foolish boy. What else was he to do with a story like that? Misaki is too good a person to not accept."

Misaki waved as he joined Nanami. They made plans to have dinner at his brothers and decided to meet at the train station. It was a relief to know that he actually enjoyed her company. She had something about her that put him at ease.

"Hey, how was work?" She asked warmly.

"Long," he replied. "But I'm now free for two weeks for the wedding and such. I was really surprised that they allowed it." He wondered if Isaka had something to do with that. Therefore, Usagi could have something to do with it.

"Yes. It's generous. How are you feeling about the whole thing?"

Misaki shrugged. "I agreed to this and I'm prepared to see it through. How about you?"

She said nothing as they boarded the train. She had motioned for him to take the available seat, but he refused, so she sat.

"I miss Eli." She let out a deep sigh. "I wish I knew how he would react to finding out about the baby, but I just can't bring myself to do it."

"How old is he?" Misaki asked.

"Nineteen. His birthday is just a few months before mine."

Misaki nodded. Funny how just a few years made nineteen seem young. He was only twenty-three. So why did nineteen seem so young? It was kinda dumb really.

They talked about Eli as they walked from the train station to his brothers. She was telling him how they met and about the time they went to the amusement park. Apparently, Eli wasn't much for rollercoasters, but instead of telling her, he went on one and was sick for hours after.

Misaki opened the front door for her and the yells inside reached them immediately, silencing their laughter.

"What the hell were you thinking? How can you do that to him?" Usagi was shouting.

"Nanami was in trouble. I had to find a way to help. Calm down, Usagi. What on earth is your problem!" Takahiro replied in a raised voice.

"Because you know that Misaki would never say no even if he wanted to! You took advantage of his kindness!"

There was a crashing sound that sent them both running to the kitchen. A bowl was broken on the floor, Manami was watching the men with nervous eyes and Usagi glared at Takahiro.

"Misaki is kind-hearted but he seemed more than happy to accept the offer. Nanami is a nice girl who will do her best to make him happy."

"How can she possibly make him happy? She doesn't even know him!" No woman could make him happy, and the only man he wanted making Misaki happy was him.

"Usagi, what are you doing?" Misaki asked, interrupting them. He was baffled. He'd never even seen them disagree on anything, let along fight like this. The hatred in Usagi's eyes as he looked at Takahiro was something he never thought he'd see.

"I…" Usagi looked over at Nanami before looked back at Misaki. "You don't have to marry her. Don't let your compassion make you unhappy, Misaki."

"I'm not unhappy."

"Like hell your not! Don't forget who you're talking to!" He could see it. The misery. The pain he was carrying. Was the because of him or was Hiroto right and there was an incident that contributed to this sad Misaki that stood before him?

"Get out!" Misaki shouted. He didn't want to do this anymore. He just wanted Usagi to leave him the hell alone! "My life is none of your business! So just.."

"Misaki," Nanami said as she put her hand on his arm, stopping his words. She could see it now. Plain as day. "Usami is just worried for you. There's no need to be harsh."

"He's intruding!"

"He's hurting," she whispered loud enough for only Misaki to hear.

Her words made his eyes widen. He really looked at Usagi now. Yes, he was hurting. His eyes were so sad and it looked as though he wasn't sleeping well. But that wasn't his problem and Usagi needed to just leave them in the past. He wasn't going to go back on his word.

"Usagi, I don't understand your anger," Takahiro said with confusion. Why was this so important? What was it to him?

"You know nothing about me," Usagi snapped back, moving his arm out of Takahiro's reach. "You've always been blind."

They all stood silently as Usagi let himself out of the house. After a moment, Manami went to her husband.

"That was so unlike him," she said with concern. "Maybe you should reach out to him after you've calmed down."

Takahiro looked at Misaki. "You have any idea what that's about?" He noted that Misaki was flushed and looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"No. Excuse me, but I'm not very hungry." He went up to the guest room, not minding that Nanami had followed.

Nanami closed the door before speaking. "This is why you've agreed. Why you can't be with the one you love."

"He was a long time ago." Wait, shouldn't he be denying this? What was he saying?

"Usami seems to still love you. I believe you love him too."

"Things are better this way." Misaki angrily wipes at the fallen tear. "Things are too complicated for us to be together."

Nanami sat on the bed. "Is it your brother?"

"He's only part of the problem. You know, they are best friends. That's how I met Usagi in the first place. Usagi used to love my brother. Then his affections shifted to me after I started living with him. At first, I thought I was just a replacement, but then I started to think that maybe he really did love me."

A sob escaped his throat suddenly and he fell to his knees. This made him angry. Why did he have to feel these feelings? "I try to deny my emotions. I try to push them down, but the honest truth is…is…"

"You love him too."

"I do! But there's more than my brother that complicates things. He is a famous author! And his family don't like us being together and they are a prominent family. They've made it clear my existence is a problem. I never want to cause problems for him and on top of all that, we are both men!" The next words exploded out of him. "It's disgusting, isn't it! My love for him!"

Nanami had to wipe away tears of her own. He was hurting and clearly feeling very alone. She knelt beside him, rubbing his back. "I don't think any love between two consenting adults is disgusting. I think love of any kind is beautiful."

"People would judge. It would be problematic."

"Yes, they would and yes it might be. But you, Misaki are a wonderfully beautiful person and if anyone can't see you for that and accept that you love a man, that's on them. That's their problem."

That was only part of it. He was tainted now. He'd been used. He couldn't be touched without being afraid. Those thoughts ran through his mind, but he looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. "It doesn't disgust you?"

"Not at all," she replied, wiping a tear from his cheek before taking his face in her hands. "I think you have a right to love who you love and anyone who disagrees can go fuck themselves."

Her words echoed in her head. She chucked some. "I guess I should consider my own advice, huh? Isn't it me who can't tell her family she's in life with a white man?"

Misaki laughed a little too. "We are both in similar boats, huh?"

Later they found themselves comfortable on the bed, talking like a couple of teenage girls as they cuddled, their heads close together. He had told her the events that led up to his breakup with Usagi. He had never told anyone this before, not even Hiroto, and it felt so good to get it out. Even better, Nanami didn't judge him.

"It seems sudden, doesn't it?"

"It hardly matters. Fact is, it's better for him that we aren't together."

"I'm not sure he thinks so. Maybe he had a reason for breaking up with you, similar to the reason you didn't fight him on it."

Misaki nodded. She had a point he supposed. He looked at her when her stomach growled. "Why don't we go out for food? I'm not an expert, but something tells me not eating properly isn't good for the baby."

"No, it's not. Besides, my cousin wants to talk wedding, and I'm not sure I'm up for that tonight."

She followed him out, and after telling their hosts that they were going out, they hit the pavement. "Oh, by the way, I found out this morning that the baby is a girl."

"Wow. Congratulations." somehow knowing that, this baby seemed so much more real. Nanami wasn't even showing yet.

"I know the baby isn't yours, but if you have any names you like, I would love to hear them."

Misaki felt a bit surprised at this. "I've never thought about it before, but, I'll let you know." He took her hand, receiving a smile from her.

"I'm glad that it's you. I feel like I can really count on you."

Misaki smiled. Except he was a mess. "I will do my best to meet your expectations."

She looked at him as they walked. He was so handsome. Kind. He hardly smiled. Well, he hardly genuinely smiled. "How about we make a deal?" She waited for him to respond before continuing. "I won't expect anything from you and you don't expect anything from me? I don't want you to feel like you have to be something or someone you aren't." She didn't want him to force her to be that either.

"Nanami…" He'd almost told her. Almost said that he was afraid. Afraid that he would never be able to please her the way a husband should. He wanted to tell her about what happened to him. That he had night terrors and there were some nights he was so alone. So cold within himself that he'd want to end it all. To stop living altogether. The words choked him, and he just shook his head. "Agreed."

Before he knew it, the day of the wedding came. Misaki was surprisingly nervous. He wasn't planning on back out or anything like that, but seriously, this whole thing was nerve-wracking.

He arrived at the ceremony spot and was quickly brought to his room. Now he stood there, eyeing the tuxedo he needed to put on. He still sucked at ties.

With a sigh he got ready. Luckily this wasn't his first time putting on a tux. He liked the way it fit. Though he shouldn't be surprised since it was tailored to him.

He fidgeted a bit while looking in the mirror before attempting the damn tie. He got it tied, but couldn't get it to sit right. Was there some kind of freaking trick he was missing?

"Come in," he said to whoever knocked in the door. In the mirror, he watched Usagi wall into the room. "Usagi?"

"Misaki," he replied in greeting. "You look…" he wanted to say sexy, but Misaki wouldn't like that. "Great."

"So do you," Misaki replied. Usagi always looked great. He blushed a little as he thought about kissing him. He missed it. The feel of their lips touching. He wanted it. He wanted to touch... He looked away.

Once again, he to fix his tie. He'd thought about asking him to leave as he fiddled with the damn thing, but in truth, there was a comfort in his presence. Usagi at the moment was calming him some.

"Here," Usagi said, going to him and slapping his hands away. In no time at all the tie was perfect. "I'm oddly happy that the art of tying a tie eludes you."

"Shut up," Misaki replies, blushing as he looked down.

"Misaki. Tell me the truth, are you okay with doing this? Truly?"

Misaki looked up at him now. Had Usagi always been this much taller than him? "I wasn't forced into it. I made the agreement with my eyes open."

Usagi seemed annoyed with the answer, but he said nothing as he sat on the couch. He went to pull out a cigarette, but Misaki eyed him with warning, so he put them back in his pocket.

"Have you made up with my brother?"

Usagi looked up. "More or less."

"Listen." Misaki shifted nervously. "Thanks for that. Worrying about me. Just, it's not your job anymore, so you don't have too."

"You stupid boy," Usagi said as he shook his head "I don't worry because I think I have to. I worry because I still care about you."

The door opened making them both look over. Takahiro walked in, clearly surprised to see Usagi sitting on the couch. "You look good, little brother," he said, seemingly ignoring his friend's presence.

"Thank you. Is everything about ready?"

"Yes. Everything is going as planned. Usagi, might I get your help?"

"Sure thing," Usagi said as he stood. "See you out there." He ruffled Misaki's hair as he passed without even thinking about it.

"You're staying?" Misaki replies, suddenly much more nervous. It was a stupid question, he knew he was here for the wedding, but how could he marry someone else in front of the only person he loved? And yet, the idea of him being here was also oddly comforting.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." Usagi's eyes met Misaki's so full of emotion it nearly knocked the wind out of him.

Misaki closed his eyes as he forced his thundering heart to calm the hell down. The door opened again and he was surprised as Nanami rushed in.

"Hey," she said, putting on what was supposed to be a smile. "Wow, you look lovely."

You looked panicked, he thought to himself, but he wasn't going to tell her that. "You look lovely yourself." He replied. "Oh, I think I like the name Kaiya. I think it's pretty and any child can grow into it."

Nanami smiled. "It's a pretty name."

Misaki studied her. She seemed uncomfortable. Like she was ready to run. Her eyes darted around and her hands were constantly fiddling with her dress. "Nanami, are you alright?"

"No. I'm not." She started crying. "Eli found me last night. A mutual friend saw me at the doctors and told Eli about my condition. He told me that he loves me and he wants me to leave with him."

"Well, that's good news, isn't it?" Misaki asked as he brought her a tissue.

"My family will never allow it. If I go with him, they will disown me. I do not think I can survive that. This isn't a choice I can make so suddenly. Not to mention I would humiliate them even more if we call off this wedding."

Misaki nodded. He understood her to a point. His situation wasn't so different. He could never tell his brother about him and Usagi. He doesn't know how he would react to that. Not that it mattered anymore seeing as they weren't together.

"No. I'll do my duty. I promised to give you my hand in marriage, so that's what I'll do."

Misaki looked over the crowd as he waited for her to come down the aisle. His eyes landed in Usagi, and his heart did a flip. He shifted his gaze when Nanami started down the aisle.

Once she joined him, he could see her tears through the vail. She didn't want to do this. He looked back at Usagi as the ceremony started. He didn't hear the words spoken, as he lost his senses in Usagi's eyes.

He did however notice the way Nanami trembled. This brought his eyes back to her, and she looked at him with a begging expression. But what did she want him to do? To stop this? To ignore her reaction and keep it going?

He looked back to Usagi once more and nearly stopped breathing. Usagi…was crying? Surely he wasn't getting emotional in front of people. He never cried in front of anyone. No one except him.

Nanami's trembling breath made him act. He took her hand firmly and ran. He could hear the sounds of the surprised people, but he didn't let that stop him.

"What are you doing?" she asked as they ran.

"Getting away! Just run!" He replied, feeling lighter then he had in months. He wasn't sure why, but somehow this made him feel so light he could fly.

Nanami laughed as she ran with him. "Misaki, what." She paused as they got into a taxi. "Misaki."

"I couldn't do it. Not with you shaking like a leaf and him there."

She shook her head. "But what about."

"Screw them," he said as he took her face in his hands and planted a kiss on her lips. "Nanami, go be with him. The man clearly knows what he wants and if your family disowns you, you can be my family. I'll always be there if you need me and we can holiday together."

"Misaki."

"Listen, if tell me right now that this is what you want, I will turn this cab around, but I can't marry you when you're looking at me with that expression." Not to mention he'd lost his own nerve. Usagi was crying! How could he possibly get married in front of him? He would though. If she really wanted to go through with it.

She laughed as tears fell. "Thank you." She swallowed her fear. "You're right. I want to be with him. I want to raise my baby with him."

They took the cab to the train and ran from the train to the hotel Eli was staying in. They laughed the whole run because it was raining and they probably looked rather odd running in the rain in wedding getup.

Misaki escorted her to Eli's room and seeing the two reunite confirmed to him that he did the right thing. That this was the right call.

"You call me when you guys get to where you're going." Misaki kissed her cheek and shook hands with a beaming Eli. They had spent about an hour talking, and Misaki decided this Eli was a good man.

"What about you? I feel as though I get to run away while you deal with the fallout."

"Nothing I can't handle. We made the right choice. This is how it needed to be."

Nanami hugged him once more. "I'm going to name my baby Kaiya." She said as she pulled away. "She will know that it was you who named her. The man who saved her mother."

That made him a little emotional. At some point, he'd started to look forward to being a father. "Promise to bring her to visit." She agreed and they said goodbyes.

Misaki rode down the elevator and tried to think about where he should go. He didn't want to deal with all this tonight. So his brother's place was out. Likely his own too. He didn't have enough money for a hotel either. That was a problem.

Still, tonight he felt okay. He felt like for the first time in so long he could breathe easier. He smiled as he thought about how happy Nanami was. At least one of them would get their happy ending. She had a lot of family drama headed her way, no doubt about that, but she was strong and she would pull through.

Now, he had to figure out where to go, and he felt sick as he thought about it. There was one place he could think of, and he really wished he'd had another option.

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I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and comments are greatly appreciated. Thanks :D