A/N: Phew this chapter is breaking my heart some. Descriptions of rape. Viewer discretion is advised.

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Disclaimer: I do not own Junjou Romanica. All credit goes to the writer/creators of the show/Manga.

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Chapter Four

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This was a bad idea, Misaki thought as he took the elevator to Usagi's apartment. It was a terrible idea, actually. His first move after tonight was to make some damn friends. Not that he actually would. Honestly, the idea of having more people in his life exhausted him.

As he drew nearer, his heart fluttered as if he were a teenaged boy ready to tell his crush he was in love. The need for sleep had him knocking on the door, but the moment he had, he wished he could run away. This was a horrible idea. So why was a small part of him happy?

Had he actually thought this through? What if Usagi wasn't home? What if he was, but wasn't alone? That thought made Misaki a little sick to his stomach. What if his brother was here? Wait, this wasn't thought through. He should just go…

"Who is it?" Usagi's voice asked over the intercom, keeping Misaki from leaving. He could have left. He could not have said a word and walked right out of there. Maybe he should have.

"Uh, it's me. Misaki."

The door opened moments later, and Usagi's expression was one of surprise. "I didn't expect you."

He felt his cheeks warm as he looked at Usagi. He was Still wearing Suit pants and the shirt was still on but unbuttoned, exposing Usagi's glorious torso. He couldn't stop his eyes from drifting down to where his sexy V line was visible. Misaki hardened as he thought about Usagi naked.

"Um." Man, he was still so bad at this. He really felt bad about randomly showing up. He shivered because he was still wet from the rain and it was cold. "I…"

"Would you like to come in?" Usagi asked, stepping aside. He couldn't help but smile because Misaki was still as he'd always been. He figured Misaki needed a place to hide out for the night, but asking to stay was never easy. He never wanted to be an inconvenience to anyone.

Misaki went in, and to his surprise, his eyes watered as he took the place in. It was the same as always. Nothing was out of place and the familiarity of it made him relax some. It also made his stomach ache with loss and longing.

He turned to Usagi and cleared his throat. "May I stay the night? After today I don't think I can face my brother right now."

Usagi chuckled. "Yes, that was quite the scene the two of you caused. People were shocked and family members died of embarrassment. I believe your brother mentioned murder."

Misaki felt guilty as Usagi walked away. He returned with a towel, and without a word, he started toweling Misaki's hair. Misaki let him, allowing this familiar act to soothe him.

"You can stay," Usagi replied finally. He'd took his time answering because he wanted to take this moment to be close to Misaki. He was surprised Misaki didn't push him away.

His voice snapped Misaki out of his thoughts and he took over the drying of his hair. Having Usagi do it just seemed too close. "Thank you."

"Come on. I'll get you some clothes. You need to get out of those before you catch a cold."

Misaki did as he was told, and stopped at the bathroom to remove his wet clothes. Usagi walked in as he pulled off his shirt. He was startled some when Usagi grabbed his arm and held it up over his head.

"What happened here?" Usagi asked around his cigarette. His eyes burned into Misaki as he waited for an answer. It looked like a freaking stab wound!

"Let go, "Misaki demanded as he pulled his shaking arm out of Usagi's grip. He didn't want to think about that. He was self-conscious about it too. It was a physical reminder of what he struggled to forget.

"Misaki?"

"It's nothing. Just a scar," he replied, holding his hands out for the clothes.

Usagi surrendered them, not pushing for further details. Misaki was shaken. Was this just confirmation as to what Hiroto had said? About Misaki being hurt?

When Misaki made his way downstairs, Usagi was sitting on the couch, a laptop balanced on his legs, writing. Without a word, Misaki sat on the couch opposite Usagi. The overly large stuffed bear that sat beside him in its usual spot was a comfort and he couldn't help but smile some.

He leaned into it, allowing it to bring him some comfort. It smelled like home. The scent made him sleepy for some reason. His muscles relaxed and for a moment it was like everything was going to be just fine.

He wasn't sure when he closed his eyes or when he fell asleep, but for the first time in what seemed like forever, he fell asleep quickly without thoughts from the past haunting him, though he didn't remain dreamless.

At first, his dreams were just swirls of shapes and sounds. That odd state between awake and asleep. When logical thought drifted into the odd thoughts that accompanied dreams and showed you a reality that wasn't real but felt to be.

He found himself walking down the street. The night air was chilly, but pleasantly so. It had been a long day and he dreamt of food and sleep after a hot shower. With thoughts of what was to come the following day, Misaki paid little mind to the world around him.

He did become more alert as he approached his apartment. He was not blind to the fact that he lived in a dangerous part of the city, therefore, he couldn't be too careful. He decided he would take Hiroto up on the offer to be roommates. It would be better then living here.

He looked up at his building, noting that the landlord still hasn't fixed the broken lights on the stairwell. Tonight, it looked extra dark, and there was a prickle on his neck, telling him not to go up. However, up was where home was, so what choice did he have?

As he headed up, the familiar scent of piss and beer reached his nose. He'd made the thought that at least vomit wasn't in the air tonight. He'd moved to the side, allowing the man who was coming down the room to pass. But the man never would pass. Misaki somehow knew that this man was trouble.

His heart stopped when the man grabbed him from behind, pushing him, chest first into the wall. Misaki had never had a knife to his side before, but there was no mistaking what he couldn't see. He could feel the point pressing into his skin through his shirt.

"Fight me, boy, and you'll have this in your side."

He could feel the man's breath on his neck as he gruffly spoke. The beer on his breath told Misaki that he was likely drunk. "Please, don't." Misaki bagged as the man rubbed himself against him.

"You'll like it," Came the man's response as he stuck his hand up Misaki's shirt, running his hands up his stomach, and back down. "So fit," the man said as he bit into the flesh of his neck.

Misaki squeezed his eyes shut as if not seeing could block out what was happening. "Please, you can take my wallet! My watch, anything, but please." Tears rolled down his cheeks as the man unbuttoned his pants. "Don't!" Misaki cried as the man's hands touched him.

"Mmmm." the man moaned in his ear. The man shifted, forcing Misaki down to his knees. His hand touched something sticky, and down here, the smell of piss and beer was nearly as unbearable as the man's hands were.

When the man started undoing his own pants, Misaki panicked. No. He wasn't going to let this happen. He tried to get away, but the man was quicker, bigger, and stronger then he was. The searing pain in his side told him that the knife the man threatened to use on him was now in his side.

He cried out as the pain overwhelmed him. The man, who's cock was now sprung free from his pants, forced himself in, blinding Misaki with pain. He saw black dots as the pain overtook him. He knew he cried. Knew he begged, but the man kept going, pushing, moving, thrusting painfully in him.

To his horror, he had hardened and was on the verge of orgasm. How? How could he be turned on like this? He didn't feel aroused. No, he felt pain and sickness. Then why did he respond? Why was this happening?

The man's final thrust was hard, and his panting turned into grunts as he finished in him. The man's hot breath lingered for a moment before he moved. As sudden as the attack happened, it was over.

Misaki lay there unable to move. Hardly able to breathe. He had the vague thought that he was bleeding out. He could feel his blood pooling around him. How much blood? Was that way he felt like he was drifting? Or was it the pain of the rape that had him feeling this way?

Move. He had to move. What if the man came back? What if he wanted more? That fear had his heart racing. He had to move. He looked over when he heard a noise, and a shadow came closer. No! he screamed to himself. No Please no!

Usami decided not to move him. Instead, he covered him up before ruffling his hair some. He felt like a weight had been lifted. It was just right, Misaki being here. Like suddenly everything that had been wrong was right again.

Feeling inspired, Usami went upstairs to write. It had been far too long since the words seemed to flow out of him this fluidly. Like having Misaki home was something he needed to allow his creative side to be free from its chains.

It was only an hour later when the blood-curdling scream had him jumping from his chair and running down the stairs. By the time he reached Misaki, he was awake, breathing heavily.

"Misaki, what's wrong?"

"No. Nothing," Misaki replied. He was on the floor and scooted away as Usagi reached out for him. "No. Don't. Don't." He was fighting for composure. This dream had been too real. Way too real. He could see his attacker. Smell the beer on his breath. The mixture of piss and beer as he forced him to his knees…

Usami reached for him again. How could he not when he shook so violently and was pale as a ghost. "Let me help you." His heart ached. How could anyone do this to him? Put this much fear in him? It pissed him off to think someone had.

"Don't," Misaki said even as his gripped Usagi's shirt. "God if you get too close…I'll." The sob vibrated through him as he buried his face in Usagi's shirt and cried.

A little later Misaki sat on the couch, legs pulled up to his chest with his face buried in his knees. He was mortified with what had happened. He'd broken down in front of Usagi like a child might. It made him feel so dumb.

Now he was on the couch, avoiding Usagi's gaze. He didn't think he could handle it. "Thanks." He mumbled as Usagi handed him a glass of water.

"Misaki. What happened?"

Misaki didn't want to reply, but this was the third time Usagi had asked in the last hour. He felt himself quiver some. Why? Why was he going to tell him?

"It was late. I had to stay at the office late to get the manuscript done in time. The building I was staying in, it was really rundown, but it's all I could afford at the time. I had actually started to look for a new place, but anyway." He paused, taking a shaky breath. "The lights in the stairwell were broken so it was kinda dark. I hardly saw him when he approached me. When he grabbed me, I fought back, but then he stabbed me. I…he…" his head swam as he thought back to it. The smell of piss and beer. The awful stench of the man's breath, hot on his neck. The man's grunts and his own cries as he was raped.

"Misaki."

"He forced me. I cried. I begged for him no to. I told him he could have all my money. My whole wallet. I called out for help, but I couldn't. He left me there and someone found me after and called the ambulance." He shuttered with the memory. "I'm so ashamed.

Usami's heart ached. How could someone do this? How could someone put their hands on him! "Why are you ashamed?"

Misaki exploded out of his seat. "Because I should have fought harder! I should have stopped him. Instead, I sat there like a coward and let myself be used." Because his body responded. He had…no. He wouldn't say that. Couldn't say it.

"You were raped! People don't get raped by choice. He'd already stabbed you. Had you giving him more trouble you could have died."

"Sometimes I wish I had." There was no passion behind his words.

Usami went to him, pulling him to his chest. "Don't. Don't ever think that. God, don't ever say that." The idea of Misaki being dead panicked him. Made his blood run cold.

Misaki pulled away. If he allowed this to go on any further he'd end up kissing Usagi and if he kissed him, he'd break for sure.

"I'm going to go to sleep."

Usami let him go feeling helpless. How could he make Misaki feel better? Safer? Knowing what happened to him made the blood in his veins boil. How could anyone do that to his Misaki!

Usami lit a cigarette and went out to the balcony. This was no good. With Misaki around, he was starting to realize he could never really let him go. Yet, he didn't want to sneak around with him either. How far would his father really go? Would Misaki be willing to be in a complicated relationship?

Two years ago Misaki seemed so young. Too young to handle threats from his family. Though now, he seemed way to grown-up for his age. Would it be fair? To ask him to come back?

Except, Misaki left. He'd seemed so eager to go. That's why Usami let him leave in the first place. Shit. He sometimes hated how much he loved Misaki. He was so in love with him he was stupid.

Like going over to Takahiro to yell at him for asking Misaki to marry someone. That wasn't his place, but he'd been so angry. And Takahiro hadn't a clue as to why. How could he? They never came clean about their relationship and Takahiro was too blind to see that his best friend was gay.

Too blind to see that he'd been in love with him for years. Until Misaki. Misaki came along and showed him what loving someone was really about. What he felt for Misaki was way beyond anything he'd ever felt toward anyone.

Usagi rand his hand down his face. This was only going to get more complicated because he knew he didn't want Misaki to leave this apartment. But there was no logical reason for him to stay either. Damn it!

"Morning," Misaki said as Usagi walked out of his room. He looked tired, not that Misaki was surprised. He knew that his next book was supposed to be released soon.

"Morning," Usagi replied a little surprised.

"I made breakfast. I didn't think you'd mind. Not that you have much in your fridge or pantry, but I made due."

Usagi sat, and watched Misaki as he sat and poured out the coffee. He put in two sugars just like He liked it and handed it over.

"Thank you," Usagi said as he took it.

"You're welcome," Misaki replied as he poured his own cup. "How's the book coming?"

Usagi looked up from his food. "How did you know there was one?"

"I've been reading your latest series. It's really great. A little sad maybe, but compelling. I know the next book is supposed to come out soon, and you look like you've been up all night. So it was just a guess."

"You read my books?" He was moved by this. Sure, Misaki had decided to become an editor, which he'd thought was an odd chance in career, but still.

"I read all your stuff." Misaki blushed as he said this and looked down as he always did when feeling bashful.

Usagi sat there just staring at him. He was so happy about this he could burst with it. "Which book in this new series is your favorite?"

"The second one for sure. They are all good, but the romance between the main characters in that one really hits home for me." Misaki smiled as he spoke. "She was so afraid to fall for him because she didn't think she had anything to offer, and he had everything. But he loved her anyway. So he pursued her. I love the scene where she feels embarrassed about her scars from surgeries and he kisses each one of them," Misaki laughed some as he shook his head. "Sorry."

"I lo…" Usagi had almost said he loved him. Which was true, but would be unfair to say. He cleared his throat. "I loved that part too."

Misaki's heart was in his throat. He was sure Usagi was going to say he loved him, which wouldn't be okay. He broke things off with him, and Misaki agreed for good reason.

"Anyway. After breakfast, I think I need to go face my brother…."

They both looked over when someone knocked. Usagi answered it and followed a pissed Takahiro from the front door to the living room.

"You have a lot of explaining to do, young man!" He said exasperated. "Not only do you embarrass me by running out of the wedding, the bride in tow, you worry me by not answering your phone! And you!" He added, turning on Usagi. "You told me he wasn't here!"

"When you asked, he wasn't." Usagi shrugged, lighting a cigarette.

"Why? Misaki? Why on earth would you do this?"

"Calm down, Takahiro. It's not the end of the world." Usagi said.

"What is with you? Why do I feel like you are on his side? Aren't you supposed to be my best friend? How about you have my back?"

"Takahiro," Misaki said, calling his attention off Usagi. "Nanami didn't want to marry me."

"It was an arranged marriage! Of course, she didn't want too! You both knew that from the beginning."

Misaki explained how Eli had found out about the baby and the wedding and begged her to go back to England with him. How she wasn't sure she could do it and that she wouldn't break the promise she'd made to Misaki, but he couldn't make her marry him when the man she loved offered her a life together.

"I just couldn't do it, so I ran with her. I brought her to Eli and I'm sure they are now on hair way to England." He left out the part where he decided he couldn't marry her either because Usagi. That detail wasn't necessary.

"Do you have any idea regarding the consequences of these actions? Did you even think? She could be disowned! Her family is angry. Angry at her, at you! Did you think about the backlash that would fall on Manami and me! Boy, you have really messed things up for me this time!"

"Enough," Usagi said, butting in.

"Stay out of it, Usagi. You might not mind cutting ties with your family, but I mind cutting ties with mine!"

"What do you mean?" Usagi asked, confused.

"They want their daughter back and if you two don't show and marry like you were supposed to, they want me to cut you out!"

"Who do these people think they are?" Usagi asked, shaking his head.

"They know about the baby. We've convinced them it's yours. They are willing…"

"No." Misaki felt sick. Was he really going to disown him? "She's happy. She and the baby are going to have great lives with the man she loves. I will not call her back here and crush her dreams. I told her if her family disowns her, then I'll be her family. You do what you must, but I won't get between her and her happiness."

"Misaki…please listen to reason."

"Do you plan on doing it? Disowning him?" Usagi asked, unable to keep the anger from his tone.

Takahiro let out a frustrated sigh. If I don't, they will disown Manami. This is much bigger than the two of us, Misaki."

"Sounds like you two would be better off. What family disowns their own?"

Takahiro looked at Usagi with exasperation. "They are really old fashioned. Manami doesn't have a lot to do with them but she doesn't want to be cut off. Misaki, please…"

Usagi shook his head as he chuckled. "I never thought I'd see you use your baby brother."

Takahiro flushed with annoyance. "I'm just trying to rectify his actions."

"Actions he had to take in the first place because you played on his humanity!"

"Usagi," Misaki said.

"I don't understand why you feel so strongly about this one way or the other, what has gotten into you?" Takahiro asked.

"Because I care! When did you become so self-centered?"

Misaki stepped in between them. "Okay, let's take a break."

"I'm done. You come to find me when you've come to your senses!"

Misaki winced when his brother slammed the door. He knew they'd caused trouble, but this was a bit more then he'd realized. Would his brother disown him?

"Hey…"

"I'm fine," Misaki said, stopping Usagi from rustling his hair. "I think I'm going to get changed and go home."

"Misaki," Usagi said when he was halfway up the stairs. Misaki paused, looking down at Usagi. "You always have family in me. My door is always open.

Well shit. That made Misaki want to tear up a little. "Thank you."

Misaki changed and after a quick goodbye was out the door. Once he was gone, the reality of being disowned seemed to hit hard. He'd lost his parents when he was young, and his brother was all he had left. How had things come to this? He couldn't even believe is brother was considered this.

Still. He wasn't going to get Nanami involved. She had a right to happiness and that was that. Besides, he wouldn't have been right for her. She would grow to resent the man who never warmed her bed.

Misaki felt alone in his apartment. Yes, he was alone here, but somehow, he felt even more alone than usual. He looked around, noting that everything looked the same. Nothing was out of place.

His small couch was still punched against the wall. His tv still sat awkwardly on his dresser, which wouldn't fit in his tiny bedroom. The kitchen was small too. So small that the microwave seemed huge there. Against the far wall was a bookshelf that spawned from one side of the room to the other. On it was all of Usagi's books. Even his stupid boys love series. And some of the books he had a hand in editing made it on the shelf as well.

His apartment could fit comfortably in Usagi's. And Unlike Usagi's, he had no touches of personality in here. No pictures or paintings. No statues or nicknacks of any kind. Hell, he didn't even have a plant.

Maybe he should get a fish. A fish would liven the place up at least a little bit. He'd have a reason to come home.

Misaki sighed as he stripped off the tuxedo jacket. He was struck with some embarrassment when he remembered he'd left Usagi's shirt on when putting his dress shirt on. He told himself it was just because it was comfortable and he wanted it to sleep in. While that was true, Usagi's shirts were always comfortable because they were often big on him, he wanted it because it smelt like Usagi and that was comforting.

He glanced at his phone when it went off, and noticed it was a text from his brother. He said they seriously needed to talk this through. He wasn't wrong, but until things calmed down, perhaps it was better they didn't talk.

"What did I get myself into?" Misaki asked himself as he turned the tv on. Things were starting to get way complicated and he was afraid he'd drown. He didn't want to be disowned, but he couldn't make Nanami marry him. There was just no way to fix this. The family would have to come to terms with everything. Hopefully, they would. Because if he got disowned he would go from having a small family to having no one.

Maybe he'd move to England. Nanami would surely accept him as family. Or maybe he should just let them be. He wouldn't want them to feel obligated.

Ugh. This was a hot mess. He hadn't really thought things would be so horrible if the wedding hadn't gone through. Who really disowns people for not getting married? Okay, the really old family sometimes does. Geez.

Usagi's words replayed in his head. "You'll always have family in me. My door is always open." Usagi meant it too. There was nothing but sincerity in his tone. Those words had meant the world to him.

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I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and comments are greatly appreciated. Thanks :D