Hey guys! I am soooooooo sorry about the long wait, and unfortunately, further chapters will take a while as well. My life as simply been turned inside out, and to make a long, long, loooonng story short, I may be adopting a baby May of next year and I've had to drop everything and prepare. I now work a full time job, ten hours a day, four days a week. Its physical so I'm practically dead by the time I get home haha. Then send my days off doing things I've neglected. Sigh…Anyway, no, the story is not abandoned, just having a hard time finding time and brain power to write. Thank you for your understanding, and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

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Disclaimer: I do not own Junjou Romanica. All credit goes to the writer/creators of the show/Manga.

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Chapter Ten

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Usagi's heart pounded in his chests he frantically searched the water. Where was he? Fuck where was he! He went to the surface, gulping in air before making another descent beneath the waves. Where! Where! Where!

He grew frantic as the minutes ticked on. No. He couldn't be lost. He couldn't not find him. He couldn't…How would he survive without Misaki? Please. Please. Where is he! Misaki!

Usami jerked awake, sweat pouring as the nightmare chilled his skin. He reached out, feeling for Misaki, who must have woken and left, but that thought didn't calm his panic.

Rising, he hurried to the main house, and took a steadying breath at the sight of Misaki in the kitchen, making coffee.

Without a word, he went to his lover, hugging him from behind, and putting his forehead on Misaki's shoulder. He breathed him in, that wonderful cologne and scent of clean clothes settled him further.

"Usagi?" Misaki asked, surprised. He could sense that Usagi was unsettled.

"Just a minute. Just let me hold you a minute." He had to. He had to know that this was real and that dream was just a nightmare made up of what could have been.

Misaki rubbed Usagi's arm. "Sure. Okay," he replied, not minding this at all. This was the first time Usagi had initiated contact since he'd been home.

"Okay," Usagi said a couple minutes later. He pulled away, smiling at Misaki. "How did you sleep?"

Misaki blushed. He'd been surprised to wake up in Usagi's bed, though he'd been the one to fall asleep there. Even more surprised to find Usagi sleeping next to him. He'd laid there for a long while, just looking at him, taking in the rare sight. He wanted to sleep with him more often.

"I slept well. Really well. You look like you could use more sleep though." Misaki turned, pouring out the coffee.

"Yeah, I haven't had much sleep." However, he was unsure he could. That dream. He hated that damn dream. "why are you up so early?"

"Oh, Aria needs me to come in this morning instead of tomorrow. I guess she's going on leave a day early."

"Is that okay? You've been seeing her every week. Are you okay with not going?" He hated that he sounded so worried and prayed that Misaki wouldn't take offense.

"She's switching to phone sessions. She plans on doing that for eight weeks, however after two weeks if any of us need a face to face she's willing to do so."

Ah. Yeah, that didn't surprise him. Aria was always so aware of others and their needs. As well as giving. She often put the need of others in front of her own. Luckily, the man she married was good at putting her needs before his. She had someone to care for her. She deserved that.

"Oh, and Nanami and Eli are moving back to Japan. They will be about an hour away, but we could get together." Misaki laughed at the expression of jealousy that flickered into Usagi's face. "Don't worry. She's just a friend, I promise."

Usagi went to pull him close but stop himself. Instead, he grabbed Misaki's hand. "I know. But I can't help but think about how close you came to marrying her."

Misaki hugged him, knowing that's what he needed. "I love you. I know I don't say it enough, and I'll work on that. But you have nothing to worry about." He looked up at him and leaned up on his toes.

Usami bent down slightly, kissing him. This too was becoming easier. The sweetness of a simple kiss that never seemed to lose its effect. "I love you, too."

Misaki looked over at the time and sighed. "I'm sorry, but if I don't go I'll be late."

"Why don't I take you? We can do breakfast between that and work."

"No, I actually have to hit up one of my authors before going in, and you need sleep. I don't need to deal with grumpy Usagi later." Misaki said while gathering his things. "See you!" He called out before going to the door."

Usagi followed him. "One last kiss goodbye?"

Misaki smiled before accepting Usagi's request. The kiss was supposed to be quick, but a few minutes later they were both panting and ready to strip the other naked. If they didn't do something about this sexual tension they were both going to explode.

"Usagi," Misaki said as Usagi kissed along his jaw, and down his throat. "Usagi, I have to go."

Usagi placed one last kiss before pulling away. It took a great deal of strength to do so, but he let Misaki be on his way.

"Sleep?" He said to no one as he headed to the living room. How could he sleep after that?

"He won't touch me. Not really," Misaki said as he sighed. "I get it, and it's really kind of him, but I want him to touch me. I want him to go back to normal."

"Have you told him that?" Aria asked.

"No. Because what if I tell him, and he touches me and I freak out? I mean, I feel better. I feel like I should be able to handle it. At least mostly. Besides, is Usagi. I'm not afraid of him. He would never lay angry hands on me or for me to do something I don't want."

"Maybe it's time you talk with him about all this. Tell him where you were and where you are now? Explain you want to be touched, but you need him to understand that you might have moments of uncertainty. In return, if you feel you don't want to be touched, tell him gently that you need space. Communication is key."

Misaki nodded as his stomach dropped some. "I'm not sure how to tell him everything. My emotions." But she was right, and he'd wanted to talk about it a few times in the past.

"How are you feeling towards your sexuality?"

Misaki blushed. It was so stupid to feel bashful considering everything they've talked about. "I'm okay with it at the moment. You really helped me when you asked me if I get disgusted towards Usagi for being gay. Because I don't, so why should I feel that myself? Anytime I stay thinking that way, I remember what you said."

"Good. I'm glad. Anything new? Anything you want to tackle?"

"Nanami and Eli are moving about an hour away. It will be nice to see her again. She's a comfort to be around. She has something calming about her."

"Yes. You've said before. It's something to look forward to."

"Is it too soon for sex?" He blurted. He'd been wanting to ask during the last session but was unsure about doing so.

"What do you think? It's not whether I feel it's too soon. Or what anyone else feels for that matter. If you feel like maybe you're ready, then that's what matters."

"I think I might be ready. Maybe." Misaki sighed. "It's all theoretical. I think I might be, but I won't know until we try."

"Maybe you can take it slow. Start sharing a bed. Take a shower together. Start out with foreplay and see how that goes. Start with touching. You said he doesn't touch you much, start there. Touch, cuddle. Reestablish the basics of a physical relationship. If all that goes well, then you can move on to intercourse."

He nodded. Why hadn't he thought of that? "Yeah. That sounds good."

Aria shifted, uncomfortable. She was now way more pregnant than ever and she was so ready for her little one to be here.

"You ready for the baby?"

Aria smiled. "Certainly. A little nervous as well. My first one after all. However, I'm pretty good with kids." She smiles as he eyed her stomach.

"You want kids one day? I know you almost became a father to Nanami's child, and that didn't work out."

"Pending fatherhood scared me at first, but when it was no longer a possibility, I suppose it made me sad a bit. Maybe that means I do want to be a father someday, though I'm not sure Usagi is up to the task. He looks at my nephew like he's got five heads when he's over." Misaki chuckled at the memory.

"Well, I suppose that is something to ponder in the future." Aria smiled as she made a few notes.

As always the session ended with the,' is there anything else you wish to address? And, 'Are you still writing in your journal?' Which he actually was. He wrote almost every night before bed. It seemed to help calm his mind, allowing him to sleep easier.

Once both questions were answered he'd start the process of saying bye before leaving. This time he bid her farewell and luck giving birth.

"We have to tell him you know, eventually," Manami said as she placed lunch on the table. She turned her attention to Mahiro for a moment before continuing. "I realize the conversation might be a bit awkward, but it'll have to be done."

She'd actually been wanting Takahiro to mention it sooner, but her stubborn husband wouldn't bring it up. She wasn't sure why, outside of him being unsure how to brink it up. She was sure that Misaki could use the support. She had a feeling having his brother's blessing would make him feel more at ease with it all.

"I know. I'm just…" he sighed. "Jesus, Manami. It's my little brother and my best friend."

"And do you not wish them—Mahiro, don't throw your food on the floor—happiness?"

Takahiro nodded, used to her talking to their son in mid-sentence. Part of being a parent he supposed. "Of course I do. I can't even place what about it is tripping me. I'm okay with them both being guys, truly. But then what? I thought it was the age difference, but Misaki is so mature it makes senesce he'd like someone older."

"Perhaps you're jealous?" This was something she'd been thinking from the beginning.

He scoffed. "Why on earth would I be jealous? That's ridiculous!"

"Because darling," Manami said as she stood. She walked behind him, leaning in and kissing his cheek. "It's your best friend and your brother?" She picked up Mahiro and headed out of the kitchen. "If they have each other, where does that leave you?"

Takahiro sat there kinda stunned. She was right. Of course, that's why he was jealous. If Usagi had Misaki and Misaki had Usagi, where did he fit in? He didn't want to be sidelined by two people he loved dearly.

He was brought to his knees. He was always brought to his knees on that stairwell. He knew what was coming, his heart frantic with the knowledge. He couldn't talk himself out of being raped. It was just going to happen, and he could do nothing.

As always, the mixture of beer and piss made him feel sick, and the man's breath was hot on his neck as he reached around and grabbed at him while holding a knife to his side.

God. God, why did this keep happening? Over and over again this man came to him, hurting him and he couldn't stop it. Couldn't even identify him. He never saw his face.

No, wait. Wait. Don't look. Don't look. Don't see. He didn't see. He didn't see! It was too dark to see who did it. He saw nothing but darkness and the shapes that made up the stairwell. Right? He saw nothing.

The pain came, blinding him, making his eyes water. He turned his head as he cried out in horror and saw it. On the inside of the man's right arm was a tattoo. He didn't know what it was supposed to be, the pain made it impossible to comprehend it.

No, Misaki squeezes his eyes shut tight. He didn't see. He didn't see anything. He didn't see!

He jerked awake, heart pounding as he took gulping breaths. His shirt stuck to his skin due to sweat and his mouth was so dry it hurt to swallow. He lay there, waiting for the fear to fade. He couldn't move until it did.

Closing his eyes he thought of Usagi, his image alone helping center him. He was safe here. Usagi would never let anyone hurt him here. This was his safe place. His haven.

With that thought, he got out of bed and hurried to the shower. He wanted to go find Usagi but didn't want to do so while covered in sweat.

This dream was bad. It was different from the others. He saw a tattoo, and while he wanted to say it was something his subconscious made up, he knew in his heart that it wasn't. He'd seen that tattoo. He knows he did.

Did that mean he knew more than he remembered? Was his mind blocking out part of the trauma? If so, he didn't want to remember. He was okay with not remembering. However, he remembered now with clarity seeing that tattoo.

Later he found Usagi working. He wasn't surprised as it was only midnight, and Usagi often worked into the early hours of the morning claiming he seemed to work best then.

"You okay?" Usagi asked as Misaki walked over. He looked pale as a ghost.

Misaki felt a little childish, but he curled up on Usagi's lap and buried his face in Usagi's shirt.

"What's this?" Usagi chuckled. He had no objections, but this behavior was unusual for Misaki. He hugged Misaki even closer when he realized Misaki was shaking. "Misaki?"

"I'm okay. Just hold me, okay? Please?"

"Say no more," Usagi replied as he rested his cheek on Misaki's head. Nightmare. That was his guess, and it pleased him immensely that Misaki sought him out for comfort.

"I think I remember more," Misaki said a little later. He shifted so he was looking at Usagi, but was still on his lap. "I remember seeing a tattoo and now I'm afraid there's more I don't remember and it will all come back, but I don't want it too."

Usagi stroked away a tear. "I can't say whether or not you will remember more, but I am here for you if you do."

Misaki looked away. "I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle it."

Usagi took Misaki's chin in his hands. "That's what you have me for. When you feel weak or scared to death, I'll be here to take your hand. When you don't feel strong, I'll be here to lend you my strength. When you cry, I'll be here to dry your eyes. I'm here. I love you, and we can get through whatever life throws our way. Misaki, whatever it is, I'm going to love you through it." Okay, did he really just say something that sappy?

Misaki leaned in, kissing him. He loved this man. He loved this man so much he couldn't comprehend how he'd managed to live so long without him. "Thank you. You have no idea how you comfort me."

Usagi kissed his forehead. "You are a comfort to me as well."

"While we are both here," Misaki started, feeling his cheeks warm with embarrassment. "I know that you don't want to upset me or whatever, and that's why, but I miss the old you. I'm not saying I'm ready to be one hundred percent, but I'm getting there."

"What are you trying to say?" Usagi asked a little confused.

"I've noticed you hesitate to touch me. To kiss me, and I appreciate it, but I don't like it. I like your hands on me."

Usagi's cock kicked at that bashful expression of his. This man was going to drive him crazy with lust. "I just wanted to let you take lead. I want to go at your pace."

"Yeah, I know." Geez, this was so awkward. "But I want you to be normal again. I want you to randomly hold me and kiss me. If I ever start feeling overwhelmed, I promise I will tell you, so, please?"

How could he refuse? He pulled Misaki back against him. "Okay. I will try to go back to normal, but you better tell me if it's too much. Don't worry about hurting my feelings."

"Deal."

With that, Usagi kissed Misaki with heat. He had to hold in his moan as Misaki shifted against his cock, making it throb with need. He wouldn't go there. Not yet. For now, he would just settle for making out with his boyfriend.

….

"Why?" Misaki asked when Usagi informed him they'd be hosting dinner for Takahiro and his little family.

"Just to do it," Usagi replied, though he knew why, the reason would be made clear at dinner. "Do you want to cook? Or would you rather takeout?"

"No, I'll cook. I can go to the market tomorrow morning." Tomorrow night was good timing as he had the day off. "Anything specific you want?"

"Nope, whatever you want is fine by me."

The silence was awkward and Misaki couldn't help but feel like a kid again and was waiting for a scolding for whatever it was that he'd done wrong. Add too that Manami kept trying to make small talk, it was all just strange.

"Ouch!" Usagi exclaimed, looking at Manami with confusion. "Why did you kick me?"

Manami blushed, "I meant to kick Takahiro."

"What, why?" Takahiro asked.

Manami slightly jerked her head towards Misaki. "We are here for a reason, and this silence is going to kill me."

"I was getting to it," Takahiro replied.

"Oh please, if I wasn't here, you'd walk out that door later tonight without accomplishing anything."

"What's happening?" Misaki asked, cutting off their bickering.

Takahiro cleared his throat. "Yeah. So. While you were in the hospital, I was made aware of something and I think you should know that I know."

"Okay?" Misaki looked at Usagi, and based on the expression on his face, he knew what was up. His stomach turned. Oh god, did he know?

"I know about you and Usagi."

Kill. Me. Now. Misaki turned beet red as his brother's words seeped in. "Um. What! I. Um. How?"

"It was my fault really. I kinda guessed it, then Takahiro talked to Usami." Manami said with a smile.

"So you knew he knew?"

"Yeah. He punched me in the face, kinda hard to forget that." Usagi rubbed at the place Takahiro had punched.

Before Misaki could reply, the front door flew open, and Usagi's father stormed in, clearly displeased.

Usagi stood, his demeaner shifting drastically. "What are you doing here? How did you get in?"

"I heard that you and Misaki were back together. Had to see for myself if it was true." He replied, anger deepening his voice. "Have you forgot our conversation, boy?"

"Get out," Usagi replied. He wasn't going to argue this just now. Everyone else around the table stood too, Manami going over to Mahiro who was watching with wide eyes.

Fuyuhiko walked over and nearly laughed when Usami stepping in front of Misaki. "You can't protect him from me, Akihiko. No son of mine is going to end up with a man. Not to mention, a man with poor social status!"

"I will be with who I want to be with. If you don't like it, that is your problem!"

"That boy has no business being with you. You have better get your life together and marry!"

Usagi pulled Misaki to his side. "I will only ever marry Misaki! He is the love of my life and I will not settle for anyone else. Get out!"

Fuyuhiko laughed. "You dare defy me? I will have Misaki on his knees and begging for mercy."

Takahiro stepped forward, putting himself between Fuyuhiko and his family. "You dare threaten my brother? If you so much as lay a finger on him, I will kill you with my own bare hands."

"You really think you can win against me?"

"I will die trying that's for damn sure. Usagi and Misaki are my family, and I'll protect them with my last breath if need be. I've raised that boy you seem to loath, and I will be damned if he falls due to the likes of you, and Usagi is family too. I will always protect my family!

Usagi put his hand on his best friend's shoulder. His speech, though likely useless, meant the world to him.

Fuyuhiko scoffed. "Seems like you've built yourself a little army, but you don't stand a chance—"

"What is your problem!" Misaki asked, cutting him off. "Why does it matter so much? Usagi is hardly a part of your life, and that's not likely to change."

"Misaki," Usagi said but was ignored.

"I love him! And I don't care what you do to me. I don't care what you take away, as long as I have him, I can handle it. I'm not going to run away with my tail between my legs because you take issue with who he loves. No one can love him like me, and maybe I don't have his upbringing and I can never make as much as he does or even have the same social status, but I will never stop trying to be what he needs. I will never stop contributing to our relationship. I will never take him for granted! I will always strive to be seen as his equal. I will not be scared away by a heartless man who has no idea how to love!"

Misaki hadn't realized he'd moved, but he found himself standing in front of Fuyuhiko, staring him down with burning eyes. He wanted to back away but wouldn't move. He was challenging him, and he couldn't be the first to step off.

Fuyuhiki chuckled. Well then. He hadn't realized the kid had that much passion in him. That was something to be proud of, though it really didn't change much, This kid had no idea what he would be up against if and when the world learned of this relationship. "Down boy."

"I will only ask once more for you to leave," Usagi said, pulling Misaki away from his father. He couldn't stand him being so close.

"This isn't over," Fuyuhiko said before leaving.

Misaki looked over at his brother who still looked furious. "Takahiro…"

"You have my blessing. That's why I came tonight. I wanted you to know, that while I'm confused and blindsided by all of it, You have my blessing."

That made him tear up. "That…means the world to me."

Usagi was pissed. After Fuyuhiko left, they quickly finished dinner and hurried their guest home, not that the guest argued. Takahiro seemed anxious to leave. He still looked upset when he left.

Usagi excuses himself and went upstairs. Not too long after, Misaki heard the sound of the shower turning on.

Misaki stood outside the bathroom, his own nerves a little frazzled. He couldn't believe he'd stood up to Fuyuhiko. Now he stood there, debating on whether or not he should go in.

After what felt like a lifetime, he went in and stripped. The bathroom was steamed up and warm, making him shiver slightly. He hadn't realized before that he was a little cold.

When he opened the curtain, he saw Usagi stiffen in surprise. "Mind if I join you?"

Usagi's eyes looked down his body and back up again. "Misaki I." Shit he was already hard. This was testing him for sure, but he didn't want to send Misaki away either.

Misaki stepped in without a reply. He wanted to be here. To shower with Usagi. "Hand me the soap, I'll wash your back."

Stunned into obedience, Usagi did as asked, and turned his back to him. He stood perfectly still as Misaki's soapy hands ran over his back. He was surprised when those hands caressed his butt.

Misaki blushed as his hands traveled down Usagi's back to his perfect ass. The man before him was so damn gorgeous he could hardly stand it. Even crazier? He was his, and he wanted to touch him. To be touched by him.

His hands shook slightly as he reached around him and gripped Usagi's hard cock. The sound that escaped Usagi's lips made his own cock pulse with need.

"Misaki," Usagi started to say but was cut off as Misaki hand moved up and down his shaft. His head fell forward as he braced himself on the walls of the shower.

Misaki kissed Usagi's back as he worked him, the feel of Usagi's cock in his hand made him burn with desire. He wasn't good at this, making the first step, but he sure as hell liked it. He loved the feel of Usagi as he worked him. Loved the way Usagi's hips moved ever so slightly as he did it. The gasps of pleasure.

Usagi moved, facing him. He was so close to orgasm, but he wasn't ready, not yet. "Can I touch you?" His fingers ached to touch Misaki. Needed to touch him so desperately he felt he might die if Misaki denied him.

"Yes," Misaki replied, his heart pounding. He watched as Usagi soaped up his hands, before turning so he could wash his back.

Strong hands touched him, and his skin prickled in pleasure. Usagi moved close, so his lips were by Misaki's year. "I'm only going to touch you. That is as far as we will go. For tonight," Usagi said as his soapy fingers brushed over Misaki's nipples, making him gasp.

Those strong hands slowly made their way down Misaki's stomach, as Usagi's lips ravished Misaki's neck, making his sense jump into overdrive. Every nerve of his being was on fire, and when Usagi's hand gripped him, he moaned embarrassingly loud and had nearly gone over right there.

"Mmm," Usagi said, that lustful voice-only making it hard not to cum. "You're so ready, so close to the edge." Usagi stroked him slowly, trying not to push him over just yet. He needed more. Longer. He wasn't ready for this to end.

Misaki moaned, then gasped. His legs felt like they might give out, so he planted his hands on the wall in front of him. "Oh god," he said went he felt Usagi's cock press against him. He wanted it. He wanted it so bad.

"Yeah?" Usagi asked, rubbing himself against Misaki. "You remember, don't you? How I feel inside you?" Usagi moaned now too, making himself just as hot and bothered as he was making Misaki.

"Mm-hm," Misaki replied, jerking his hips so Usagi's hand worked him faster. He needed it. Needed release. He was so close, so close."

Usagi smiled as Misaki moved his hips, demanding release. He moved his hand quicker, giving him what he asked for. His own hips jerked when Misaki reaches back, grabbing him and working him too.

Misaki was the first to go, that release rocking through him, making his body jerk with the sensation. Usagi followed quickly, pulling Misaki closer as he went.

Usagi put his forehead on Misaki's shoulder as they stood there, coming back to reality. "You okay?"

Misaki nodded as he chucked. "How could I not be?"

Usagi placed a kiss on Misaki's neck. "That's good." Man, he was still so hot. Still so ready for more. But he wouldn't. Not tonight. "Let's finish up. We will run out of hot water soon."

Masamune picked up the envelope that was slid under the door. He looked over at Ritsu who was toweling his hair with questioning eyes.

"What's that?" He asked.

"Don't know," he replied, opening the envelope. Inside, he found pictures of Misaki and Usami. Compromising photos. "What's this?" He pulled out a letter. After reading it, he sighed.

"What's up?" Ritsu asked, going over. He blushed at the pictures. "Oh, man."

"Looks like someone wants me to fire Misaki."

"Are you going to? What will happen if you don't?"

For starters, I think these pictures might go public. However, I think this is just a hint at what they can do to us." sighed heavily. "Don't worry. I'll handle this."

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I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and comments are greatly appreciated. Thanks :D