Disclaimer: I do not own Junjou Romanica. All credit goes to the writer/creators of the show/Manga.

Chapter Eleven

…

Misaki felt sick as he made his way home. Masamune had told him about the pictures and about Fuyuhiko's request. He'd made it clear that he didn't plan on firing him, but where did that leave them?

He knew this was coming, but it didn't mean he was if scared. Afraid I'd what it all meant. Would Usagi realize he didn't want to be outed and back out? Could He himself handle this? Being outed? Being the reason Usagi's career was destroyed?

He played over and over again what he'd say to Usagi when he saw him. Sometimes he was saying he stands firm on what he said before, that he was in this. But sometimes he was packing his bags, and running away.

He didn't want to be the source of problems for Usagi. He didn't like to be the subject of someone's suffering. It made him anxious. Really anxious. Like, right now, he was fighting the urge to turn and run away without even going home.

Why didn't he? Because he wouldn't survive leaving Usagi again. For the first time ever he was trying to purposefully make a selfish decision. It didn't sit with him well, but what choice did he have? Without Usagi, it was like he couldn't breathe. The idea of being without him makes him feel panicked.

"Welcome home," Usagi said as he hugged Misaki from behind. That voice. He really loved that voice. His touch seemed to ease some of the anxiety on contact.

"How was your day?"

Usagi kissed the exposed skin of his neck. "I can feel your anxiety. Don't leave me." He couldn't handle that. He'd rather be jobless and homeless with Misaki than not have him at all.

"You know?"

"Isaka called. I've been praying all day for you to walk in that door."

Tears fell down Misaki's cheeks. "Usagi. I can't leave. I don't want to cause you problems. I don't want you to lose your career. But I…" the lump in his throat drew bigger when Usagi made him face him. "I can't live without you. I can't survive. I can't be selfless. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I."

Usagi's lips on his had him letting out a content sigh. "Misaki, I want you to be selfish. If it means you'll stay and never leave, be as selfish as you need to be. I'll give you anything. Everything. And nothing if that's what you wish."

"This is a mess." Misaki rested his head in Usagi's chest.

"I've got a plan. One that might actually work. Promise me."

"Promise you?"

Usagi held him closer. He couldn't help it. "Promise to stay. Through whatever. Through it all. Promise to stay."

This. This was why he loved this man. Yes, he was strange sometimes. Yes, he had his quarks and he was sometimes hard to get along with. To the outside world, he could seem cold and standoffish. To those who know him, they like him at a distance. But to Misaki? This man was perfect. This man was everything. This man had his heart and soul.

"Don't you understand? I can't leave you, Usagi. I'll need you forever. I'll need you to always hold me and love me. I'll likely become a nuisance. You might even ask me to leave. But even then I won't. You're stuck. I'll never leave. I'll be a thorn in your side forever."

Usagi's shoulders relaxed as he laughed. "What a lovely thorn you'll be. I love you."

"I love you too." And one day he'd be able to say that without blushing.

"Okay. So here's what we've got." Usagi lead him over to the dining table where a folder lay. "I told Isaka about what my father was doing and he told me that two could play that game. The blackmail game," he added when Misaki looked at him confused. "I hired an investigator. What he found was beyond anything I thought he would find."

Misaki opened the folder and his eyes widened with surprise. "Pot meet kettle," Usagi said shaking his head. "Apparently this was more than a simple affair. Those pictures span over a few years until the other man called it off. Apparently, they paid to have these pictures hidden. Someone didn't do a good job."

"I'm. How did he find these?"

"My stepmom. I guess she thought he was having an affair. Got more than she bargained for. She confronted my father, ordered they end it or she would leak it. The other man called it off. Father ordered the evidence to be destroyed. Apparently, my investigator was mentored by the same guy who was hired by my stepmother. Recognize the name and looked into old files. Bingo."

"These pictures. They get a little…"

"Yeah. It'll ruin him for sure. Why the face?"

Misaki sat, holding the photo of Fuyuhiko looking at the other man, love clear as day on his face. "I just…it's wrong. I don't want to have to do this. Expose him."

"I don't either. Two wrongs don't make it right. But the hope is if he knows we have this, he will back down."

It didn't sit right. The weight of what this could do to that man sat heavily on Misaki's stomach, but he agreed. What other option did they have?

"Let's hope this puts an end to it all." Misaki sighed.

"Yes. Let us hope."

Usami shifted, pulling Misaki to him as Misaki shook. He hated this. The nightmares that terrorized him. The way he'd whimper or cry out.

It had gotten a little better. The recent months have brought them both a peace they didn't know they would ever have.

Fuyuhiko relented after Usami presented him with what he knew and the fact he had evidence. The exchange ended on a sour note, but both parties agreed to keep things hidden from the public eye.

If it were to come out to his followers that he was gay, it would come from him. He kinda liked the idea of coming out. He wanted to go out with Misaki and hold him proudly. Not that he didn't do that to a point already. But still. Now wasn't the time. For neither of them.

With that issue gone, things around there had been lighter. Misaki seemed less anxious and even Usami felt like a weight had been lifted.

"Usagi!" Misaki screamed out his name as he sat up, short of breath.

"I'm here. You're safe. I've got you." Usagi's words were a whisper as he coaxed Misaki back in a laying position.

"I…" he swallowed. "I don't want to see. I don't want to remember. Usagi."

"Not here. Remember?" Usagi kissed Misaki, leaning over him, so he was pressed against him.

"Here, in this bed, it's just us. You and me." Usagi put Misaki's shaky hand over his heart. You and me."

Misaki nodded as he took deep breaths. "Kiss me."

Usagi smiled a cocky smile. "With pleasure."

Misaki soaked it in. The feel of Usagi's body next to his own, warm, strong, and comforting. The way Usagi kissed him always had his heart rate rising, and as of late, his dick reacting. Nothing in this entire world was better than kissing this man.

He gasped when Usagi's hand slid down his belly to caress his cock over his shorts. Okay. Maybe there was one thing better than the kissing. And Usagi was a freaking master. Misaki let out a hiss as Usagi rubbed up and down his length.

"Is this okay?"

"Mostly," Misaki replied with a moan. He ignored the fact that he felt embarrassed by his reaction. "But it would definitely be okay if you weren't touching me through my shorts."

Usagi laughed, his voice deeper with lust. "Yeah? You want me to touch you?" Usagi nibbled Misaki's ear as he did as asked and damn if Misaki's gasp of please wasn't erotic.

Usagi shifted, leaning over Misaki so he could fist both of them at the same time. Ha he did, he kissed every part of Misaki he could. It was like he was hungry to feast on the man beneath him.

With that thought in mind, his kisses started getting lower and low, sucking, licking, and biting until he was about to pop Misaki's dick into his mouth but his soft whispers stopped him. "Please, Usagi. Fuck me."

Okay, first, hearing Misaki ask him to fuck him was hot. But concern overtook everything. They have done a lot in the past couple of months. Hell, everything but penetration. Still, this was an act Usagi was terrified to try, yet wanted, no, needed it so bad he ached. But what if Misaki wasn't actually ready? What if it only made things worse again?

"Not yet, baby," Usagi whispered before kissing his thigh.

"Please. Usagi, please. I'm ready. I promise I'm ready. Please?"

It came out as a whine, something Misaki hardly ever did. It surprised him. "Misaki…."

"I need you. I need to feel you inside me." His face turned red as he spoke and he looked away from Usagi when he continued. "I need you to claim me so I remember I'm yours."

And that did it. Usagi simultaneously fell in love all over again and got so turned on he couldn't possibly ignore the pleas.

"Well then." He settled between Misaki's legs as he reached for the lube. "I will remind you who you belong to because you are mine and only I am allowed to touch you." Usagi started to prepare him as he spoke. Loving the reactions Misaki gave. The way his face flushed, the way he moved his hips to get more friction. "And only I am allowed to have you in this way. Flushed and so ready for sex you're ready to blow."

He continued to talk to Misaki, filling his ears with fantasy as he readied his body. By the time he positioned himself to enter, Misaki was begging for it.

The moment he started, Misaki froze and a look of terror reached his eyes. Usagi froze too, mentally cursing the man who did this to his Misaki. To the most precious person in his world. If he ever found the asshole who did this he would skin them alive!

"Misaki, look at me." He didn't pull out, but he didn't go further in either. He waited as Misaki's eyes met his. "It's just us, baby. Just you and me." Once again he put Misaki's hand over his heart. "Me. And I will never hurt you." Misaki nodded, some of the fear leaving his eyes.

"Do you want to stop?"

"No, please don't stop."

Usagi slide in more, concentrating for a moment not to cum himself. When he opened his eyes, he saw Misaki's eyes were closed. "Look at me, Misaki. Look at me and keep yourself here, in this moment. He was moving slowly now, pivoting his hips in just the right motion that he knew would drive Misaki mad with desire.

"Oh god."

"That's right. No, look at me. Watch me as I fuck you." It wasn't a power trip. No, he wanted to keep Misaki here in the moment. Closing his eyes gave his mind a chance to wonder. "Mmm. You feel good."

"Usagi. I'm. I'm." The sound of Misaki's release was enough to undo Usagi. He would burn down buildings and build bridges just to hear that lovely sound.

"That's right." A moan of his own escaped he drew near his own release. "Cum for me." Misaki did, his release jetting out just moments before Usagi, who filled Misaki with his pleasure and he didn't care how silly it might seem, but knowing his seed was inside Misaki truly made him feel like he did claim him. Like after all these years, Misaki was once again, truly his.

How can you love something that wasn't even yours? Because as Misaki sat on his couch holding Kaiya, he realized he'd protect this life with his own. He looked over at Nanami, who sat next to him with a smile. "She's tiny. And beautiful."

Nanami laughed happily. "She is! I can't get over her. Sometimes I lose time just marveling over her. I made that! I made this tiny little perfect human."

Usagi leaned over the back of the couch to look at her. "She's terrifying."

"Oh come on. Sit next to me and hold her ."

Usagi was going to protest, but the eager look on Misaki's face had him sitting and accepting the small human. His heart hammered as he looked down at the life that was now in his hands. This is why he didn't like these things. What if he dropped her? What if he held her too tight?"

"See. It's not that bad." Misaki smiled.

"Hey, a kid looks good on you," Eli laughed. "Easy there. I was only joking."

"Well, I think you look sexy holding her." Misaki flushed. Wait, had he said that out loud?

"There is something about a man holding a baby, isn't there? It's so strange." Nanami put in as she looked at her baby. "She looks even smaller in your arms, Usami."

"Yeah. Thanks." Usagi's eyes widened in surprise when she grasped his finger. Emotions flooded him, though he couldn't really place what they were. Perhaps holding a baby wasn't all bad. As long as he could sit while doing it. Yeah. And she was awfully cute.

Misaki leaned into him to rub her cheek. "Hey, cutie. Do you know who I am? I'm your…"

"Uncle. We would like her to call you uncle. If you have no objection." Nanami beamed.

Misaki smiled nearly knocked the wind out of Usagi. "That pleases you."

"It does." Misaki cooed. " I was almost this little girl's father after all. Now at least I get to be something to her."

"You guys look so cute with her." Nanami stood as she snapped a picture on her phone. She turned it around to show them. "See? Adorable."

Eli laughed as he put his hand on her back. "Nanami, you're going to make poor Usami hyperventilate."

She laughed as she took Kaiya. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you."

Misaki took Usagi's hand. "He's just not big on babies. He's great with Mahiro though. Even if he doesn't think so."

"It only because the kid is terrified of me, I'm sure."

Misaki shook his head. "No. It's more than that. The kid adores you."

Usagi stood, kissing Misaki's head. "I need a smoke."

"I love the way that man looks at you." Nanami took his hand. "You are blessed."

"As are you. The two of you look like you've settled into parenthood well."

"Nanami has, that's for sure. She's a miracle."

"Hey, you don't do so bad yourself."

"I swear that you are the baby whisperer though. I could be trying to get her to settle for half an hour, then this angel appears and Kaiya just stops crying."

"It's only because I'm mama. Soon enough it will be all about the daddy."

"Anyway. So I have something I wanted to ask you. Given you're really all I have left. Would you be Kaiya's godfather? Should something happen to the two of us?"

Misaki blinked, surprised. "Wait, you want me to be her godfather? Truly?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I? You helped me get everything I wanted. You were willing to help me when I was in trouble and be a father to a child that wasn't yours. Of course, I want you to be her godfather. If you'll accept."

"I do! I will! I mean, please don't die on me, but if something were to happen, you can count on me!

They hugged, both of them glad to have the other in their lives. "Thank you, Misaki. This means the world to me."

"I will protect that child with my life. If ever it came to that."

"I know. That's one of the reasons I chose you."

"So the nightmares are getting more intense?" Aria noted he looked a bit tired.

"Yeah. It's like they are becoming more detailed. I remember the guy having a tattoo. At first, I just wanted to believe it was a detail my mind made up, but I don't think that anymore. I'm almost sure I saw a tattoo. And it scares me that I'm remembering the smaller details. What if that means I saw way more than I thought? What if that means I saw his face? Or knew who he was?"

"Wouldn't that be a good thing? To know who it was?"

"No! I don't want to know. I don't want to see. I was getting better. I still am. What if this takes away my progress?"

"I think you are remembering because you've made progress. Your mind can hide things, memories, to keep you safe. When it thinks you're ready, it can start to allow those memories through. To allow you to heal even more."

"I wish it wouldn't. I don't want to know. I just want to put it behind me."

"Sometimes you can't put it in the past until you know all the details. Until nothing is left to the imagination."

Misaki said noting as he pulled at the string on the knee of his jeans. She was probably right. But he still didn't want to see.

"So, you said that you and Usami progressed in the bedroom?"

He flushed as he nodded. "Yeah. It was amazing. It felt like…well like home."

She was truly glad to hear this. "How about work? Anything there you wish to talk about?"

"No. Works pretty good. I feel like that's the one part of my life that's always pretty stable. Oh, Nanami visited so I could meet the baby. She informed me that I'm godfather!"

"That clearly makes you happy."

"Yeah. It does. I want to be a dad."

Aria smiled. She'd already known this by this gs he'd said in the past. "I think you'd make a great dad."

Misaki smiled. He couldn't help it. "Yeah me too. And with Usagi, I really want it. I saw him holding Kaiya and I wanted it so bad I ached."

"You seem a little sad."

"I don't think Usagi wants children. They kinda freak him out."

"Many people are terrified of parenthood before they become parents. Hell, many are afraid while raising their babies. But the reward outweighs that fear. He might be more open to the idea than you think."

"Why do you say that?"

Because she knew that if Misaki asked, Usami would have a hard time saying no. But she wouldn't tell him that. "I don't know for sure. I can't possibly. But you can't know until you ask, right?"

"Yeah. I guess that's true. Yeah. Maybe." He hadn't really allowed himself to imagine that kind of like before, but Aria was right. How could he really know unless he asked?

"It won't be anything right away. I still feel I have healing to do before then. But I want it."

"You will get there. I'm sure of it. You've already come so far."

Misaki smiled. "Yeah. I am too." He has come far. That's why he doesn't want to remember anything. Forward was the way to go. not back.

…

I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews and comments are greatly appreciated. Thanks :D