Author's Note:

Dear all,

This is a little interlude between Aeyrin and Bishop's blissful avoidance of their troubles in their new home. Just as a brief reminder of the things looming in the darkness outside those walls.

I hope you'll enjoy :)

Chapter LXXX – To Earn Your Place

It seemed like the days were longer and longer.

It was even worse now that he was alone again. He didn't see that coming. How did it get so fucked? How was he still here and in the same place he started? How were things even further from reach? He thought he was on a good path, but now? Now it all just seemed pointlessly familiar. Him. In this bed, surrounded by countless other empty ones. Alone.

Well… not alone.

She was here. She was always here. Funny. Sometimes it was all he could think about – the company, the secrets, the voice. His new purpose. And sometimes, he was purposefully avoiding that hall, just so he didn't have to hear her. Strange. He used to be so eager, but the situation just beat it out of him.

Demotivation did that to a person.

He was still confined here. Still not trusted enough. And his greatest ally was gone.

Dead.

Cicero was dead.

He'd been dead for a while now. Gaius wouldn't have been able to tell time without his meticulous calendars. It was something to do out here and it also seemed important to know.

It was the first of Hearthfire. Fall came around so quickly. How long has it been?

Seven months since he'd been here, in this place.

And a month and a half since Cicero was killed. A month and a half since he stood there, in the snow, staring at the scene in shock. He tried to stop Cicero. It was not worth it. The risks were not worth this revenge. And what for? For someone clever enough to try and save his life by fooling the Brotherhood? For someone lucky enough to get Cicero captured by the Penitus Oculatus? What was the point? They had a higher purpose to focus on. They had more important missions. Why was Cicero so obsessed he had to try to attack that man? Why was anyone?

Nobody knew.

Nobody but him. The Brotherhood was either blinded by vengeance, or just incredibly unlucky. They all knew the story – a potential, evading them at every step by mere chance and happenstance. And then… his ruse.

Nothing bad really happened. Not from anyone's perspective. Cicero was caught and tormented, sure, but he found the Listener he had been searching for all this time that way. And he got freed when Gaius, Gabriella and Babette enacted their secret plan. Now he could have been here, away from Astrid's hatred and scrutiny, caring for the Mother and assisting the Listener as he should have been. But he still wanted to kill the pretender when he saw him. Why? That capture gave him so much.

Astrid was fooled and lost Cicero and the Night Mother. But then… that led to Gaius being here. And the Mother too. And as far as she knew, she got rid of Cicero. She won. She could decide Gaius's fate on a whim and she could be the leader she wanted to be in her mind. But she still told all her assassins to go after that man if they ran into him.

It was not a hunt, not a contract. If it was a hunt, the man would likely be dead already. But this way, assassins with no plans tried to think on their feet and get to someone they spotted by accident. Just like Cicero did. And they all paid. All paid the same way.

Nobody knew.

He didn't tell anyone.

Whenever Babette and Gabriella came over to ask about the deaths, the Night Mother provided her answers. Festus was killed by an animal. Veezara hunted a prey, oblivious to being found out, and he became one instead. And Cicero died because his mind snapped in brashness. That was what he told them. That was what the Mother told them. But Gaius knew the whole truth.

Wild animal – the wolf protecting the false Listener. And Veezara was caught in the man's ruse and killed by his companion. And… well… Gaius did see what happened to Cicero with his own eyes.

None of them needed to know the whole truth. Gaius worried that if they did, more would fall. He couldn't have that. That couldn't happen.

He could not lose more of this family. It was bad enough that he had already lost Cicero.

Unfortunately, the orders to slay the man were still in effect. But on the other hand, fortunately, as time went by, Babette and Gabriella did mention that nobody really spoke about the false Listener anymore. They were losing interest. That was a good thing. They needed to focus on other things. Astrid finally understood that with her latest contract.

But why did Babette and Gabriella tell him? That seemed like a strange thing to report to Gaius out of all people. And he did not like the answer to that.

"It's just too suspicious and I can't believe you're so oblivious to it," Gabriella huffed.

"I don't understand why you're so obsessed with this mystery in the first place," Gaius sighed as he poured her tea. For some weird reason, Gabriella and Babette both loved this stuff and preferred it even when he offered them wine. At first, when their visits became a weekly thing and he actually started to 'host' them here, not just get the important business out of the way and sent them out, they were very disappointed that he had no tea in this place and they began lecturing him about how easy it was to hide various poisonous herbs into tea leaves. Why was that relevant to what they had in the northern sanctuary to drink? It was not like he was going to be poisoning anyone anytime soon anyway. Nobody was giving him any contracts whatsoever.

"Are you not? Cicero was killed right outside the sanctuary and you're just so unconcerned," she shook her head.

"I am not unconcerned, but the Mother told us what happened. It doesn't mean we were found. It doesn't mean we have to be wary. It just means he got bested when he attacked. We can't bring him back by finding the person who did it," Gaius sighed. Please stop this. Don't risk yourselves. I can't lose you too.

"But we know who did it," Gabriella hissed.

"No, you don't. Stop with this insane revenge. We have more important things to focus on," Gaius growled. He didn't want them obsessing over this anymore. Not when there were other concerns. Like Astrid and her constant insistence on never acknowledging his contributions. She still wouldn't trust him. She still wouldn't let him into the main sanctuary. Not even after what he delivered. And of course, that very thing was their other major concern.

"We know he was in Dawnstar. We know Cicero was still angry with him. Who else would he attack?" Babette sighed.

"All speculations. And if it is true… so? You want to risk ending up like Cicero when there is so much on the line elsewhere?" Gaius threw up his hands in desperation. "Gabriella, I thought you had some wedding plans to figure out. And Babette, you should be helping her. This is important. If we want our name to mean anything again and to convince Astrid that the old ways are not 'useless relics', we need things to go right."

"You're right," Babette lowered her head in shame. "We have something amazing here, thanks to you. We should be focused on that."

That's right. Something amazing. It was a twist he did not expect at all.

He just told Babette and Gabriella, now probably his official liaisons to his exile, since they always volunteered to come speak to him, what he always told them – a name. It was a name of the person who performed the black sacrament and who called for them. If it wasn't for him, the Brotherhood would have no idea whatsoever that something like this would even be possible.

That someone would ever ask something so outrageous.

To kill the Emperor.

It was instantly funny to Astrid, according to these two, that Gaius was now pointing out people who were asking them to kill the man he was sworn to protect above all else.

It wasn't exactly what he set out to do. He didn't know this was going to happen. He had no idea what this Amaund Motierre wanted, even though he knew the name. He investigated the Motierre family before for rumors of spreading anti-Empire propaganda. He had some of them arrested back then. He did not expect this escalation though.

But it was a good development. It was impressive how riled the Brotherhood got just with the idea. Like they all felt just like him. Like they all had a purpose now – one they had been missing for a long time. Babette and Gabriella told him how eager everyone was to participate even in small parts.

And after he got past the first shock, Gaius saw this for the opportunity it was for him.

If all went smoothly, he would have a chance to earn the trust he needed. He wanted to get out of here and see the real sanctuary, not this frozen Void in exile.

This would help. Astrid would not be able to deny his usefulness once the Emperor was dead. And what better way to prove his loyalty than to help kill the man he used to be loyal to?

He just wished he could help the assassins more actively and participate as well. So that Astrid could actually see him do this, see him help with this important mission that would change everything.

Now all he got was information. And for that, he needed the only family that currently accepted him.

"Yeah. The Emperor is our goal. If you waste precious time and risk your lives on some revenge and I lose you too, what do you think will happen to me? To the Mother. Everything is crumbling with Cicero gone. We're losing more than we're restoring. That can't happen," he gave them a pleading look.

"Yes, I get it," Gabriella sighed. "It still pisses me off."

"Too many people have been lost lately. We can't risk losing more for nothing," he sighed. "When we restore the Brotherhood to the old ways, we'll need as many assassins as we can get. Word will spread after the Emperor's death and we'll have our work cut out for us."

Right now, it did sound a little like a fairy tale, granted. But it didn't sound bad, did it?

"You sound like you're replacing Astrid already," Babette raised her brow curiously. Funny, now she didn't look upset about the insinuation. Not anymore. Babette and Gabriella had been hounding Astrid about Gaius's presence here in exile and they were getting more and more… disillusioned. No wonder. Astrid was acting erratic whenever it came to Mother. She sensed the threat more and more profusely.

"No. Of course not," Gaius shook his head. "Not as long as she comes to understand."

"She will. And we'll help," Gabriella gave him an encouraging nod. He was really lucky to have these two. Cicero was a comfort as well, as insane as it was to consider someone so unhinged a comfort. But he was. An ally. Someone who believed in what Gaius was now. But now he was gone so pointlessly.

He still had these two though. And he was not letting them do anything stupid anymore.

He needed them.

More than anything.

…

My child is distressed.

"Just worried," Gaius sighed. "Why do you even ask if you know everything already? Seems pointless to even have this discussion." He was just passing by the sarcophagus after he walked Gabriella and Babette out. They needed to get back to the main sanctuary and prepare for the wedding.

Gaius knew Vittoria when he was younger. She was not a bad person, even if a little status-obsessed. But that was the Empire and its nobility. Gaius didn't know any one of them who wouldn't be like that. Vittoria wasn't even that bad. And now she was caught in this game just for her relation to the Emperor.

It was unfortunate.

A Mother's concern sometimes brings comfort. Sometimes it helps a child think of everything he needs to. What troubles you, child? The wedding?

"Yes, of course the wedding troubles me," he shook his head. She had a point. It did help to talk to her about everything. And it was still a little hard to comprehend that she could sense all the thoughts running through his head. And it was even more difficult to understand that she still wanted to talk to him like this despite that. But it did help. He would have gone entirely insane a long time ago if he had nobody to speak to here.

He was troubled. He was troubled for Gabriella's sake. He was troubled for the whole plan and anything going awry. And yes, he was even troubled about what this meant for Vittoria. She didn't deserve to be caught up in this.

But she was.

And so was the man he had once sworn to protect with his very life.

Gaius would have never imagined this happening. But he understood why it was important. The Brotherhood needed this more than anything. They needed their infamy and renown back.

And they would either manage to defeat all the odds and slay the one most protected person in the Empire, or…

Or they would go out in a blaze of forgotten and unnoticed glory.

Maybe that would include him too.

And more. The pretender.

The mother continued to prod, as if she was purposefully pulling out every little string of worries from his mind. She knew about them all, but it was oddly soothing anyway. Strange. Why did she care about soothing him? Did she really care that much about her children? No matter what? Or maybe she was just bored. Did beings like this get bored?

"Yes. The 'pretender'," Gaius admitted. "I know three children were lost to him. Something needs to be done. But I don't know what. Every encounter makes me hesitate."

The pretender is a mere obstacle. You need to dispose of it yourself. Lest your time draws near as well if you lose more than you already have. And then all your plans will crumble. In vain. If your sisters perish, we will be left with no allies against Astrid's word.

Astrid. Gaius noticed that Mother never really called her 'child' or 'sister'. She was the only one Gaius noticed that with. Strange. Did she not consider her one? Was it because Astrid was denouncing her importance?

"I don't want them going after him," Gaius growled.

They are angry. They are grieving. For my Keeper, but more for the other children. They do not say it. You defuse such worries. But they see patterns. They never lost this many. And it all happened… after. Each of them had felt it before. Coincidence, they called it. Bad luck. And then it becomes a pattern, and my children get superstitious. They see a threat. A curse.

Shit. Were Babette and Gabriella suspecting that man's involvement in Veezara's and Festus's deaths? He hoped it was just a vague thought with no substance and not exactly what the mother said. He really couldn't imagine losing them now.

And in the end, it will all be in vain lest you prove yourself to Astrid.

"I know that!" Gaius growled. He didn't need to be reminded of that. He needed allies in the Brotherhood to even stay alive. Astrid would have killed him by now if it weren't for those who believed in the old ways and in his importance. And aside from Babette and Gabriella, he had no way of even trying to approach the rest of the brothers and sisters. Not without access to the sanctuary. It was so frustrating. Astrid's wariness and insecurity were really getting on his nerves.

And then…

What 'then'? What more was there to say? The concerns were laid bare already. Or were there more? She did say it made 'the child think of them' properly.

You are frustrated, child, but you must hear this. You plot and scheme while your soul crumbles each day. Will you do this? Will you persevere and do what you must? Will you truly strike so viciously against those you know? Are they your enemies?

What? What kind of a question was that?

Of course they were. He had a purpose now. This was it. He needed to do this, no matter the cost. No matter the affections and regrets. This was about so much more than that.

A pain stabbed at his chest and he suddenly needed to go anywhere but here. He needed to get away from the Mother.

He was here to fulfill his purpose. He was here to be something bigger than he could have ever dreamed of being. There was no room for regrets. There was no room for stepping back.

He just… needed to do something. He wanted to scream at the Mother that she brought about these doubts, but he knew it was a lie. She did not. He had this in his head for a while now. It was painful to even acknowledge.

He was always driven. When he got a mission, he just… did it. No matter the costs, no matter the obstacles.

How was this different?

He needed it not to be different.

Or… maybe he just needed it to be over.

It was going to be a long time before that could happen. He suspected as much at least. It was going to be a long time before he could put this all behind him and just bask in the glory it brought.

Maybe he could do something to speed things up.

Maybe there was something he could do.

Maybe the Emperor just needed to die faster. And all the obstacles in his way needed to be dealt with. Was that a ridiculous thing to be thought of by a Penitus Oculatus agent? Hah! Everything was starting to sound ridiculous when he considered his position.

But it didn't matter. He would do it all.

All for his rightful place in the sanctuary.