DISCLAIMER: I do not own the TV show "Hawaii Five-O" or any of its characters. Also, I do not own the songs in this chapter. They were written and performed by others.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: As always, thoughts are in italics. In this chapter, Maddie sings. When she is singing, the lyrics are in bold. They are all real songs that exist. I did not write any of them. Three are by Sara Bareilles and one is by Miley Cyrus. I thought lyrically they worked for the story. You guys should listen to them while you read the chapter, so you get a feel for the song. Plus they are just great songs!
The songs are as follows:
1. "Safe Place To Land" (ft. John Legend) - Sara Bareilles (*in this chapter I wrote it not as a duet*)
2. "Let the Rain" - Sara Bareilles
3. "Wonder Woman" - Miley Cyrus
4. "Not Alone" - Sara Bareilles
Also, a cappella is when you sing without music. A cajon is a type of instrument. It's sort of hard to explain, so I recommend googling it.
In this chapter, I had a difficult time describing part of her house. It's the area where her white grand piano is. I'm really anxious to know if you guys think I described and explained the design well.
Anyway, I'll let you get to reading! Don't forget to review!
ENJOY!
xoxo
DivaLola
CHAPTER 21
Maddie had to join everyone as soon as possible. If she didn't, she would probably make an ass of herself and hit on Steve. Plus, he was confusing her with his sudden flirting. Aside from needing to protect herself, and him, she loved it. Loved the way he'd look at her as he flashed a sexy smile. She loved the way he kissed her on the nose and forehead, his lips lingering. She loved the feel of his hands on her, always firm, but gentle, as if she was a priceless object he would do anything to protect and keep safe. And although she would never admit it, she loved the way he worried about her. Not so much that he did, that actually drove her a bit crazy, but that it meant he cared about her. She knew that if he ever stopped worrying it would mean he didn't care what happened to her. So, yes, she loved that he was flirty and touchy feely all of a sudden, but she refused to let herself think about it or get wrapped up in it.
Steve was walking a bit behind her as they returned to the party. While he went into the kitchen, Maddie veered left, walking through the living room to a white, custom, Steinway grand piano. It stood in the center of a circle off the living room. The outer part of the circle had floor to ceiling glass that looked out to the patio and backyard. Maddie walked to the right side of the circle and opened a latch where the glass met the wall. What she loved about this design was that the piano could be played to people inside the house or to people out on the patio.
Slowly she pushed at the opened glass and it began to slide open, disappearing in the wall on the other side. Maddie looked out at everyone. Her band was setting up for an acoustic set while everyone else was congregated near the huge circular fire pit straight ahead. She loved the fire pit. She'd designed it so you would step down into giving it a more intimate and cozier feel.
Even though she knew she shouldn't, she scanned the patio for Steve. He had just walked out with a fresh beer in his hand, and she watched as he and Pete glared at one another. "Are you okay?" Lori asked, as she approached him. Maddie's stomach ached as she saw the woman's hand reach out towards his face. Unable to stomach the flirty reaction she was sure he'd give her, she closed her eyes and turned back to opening the curved glass wall the rest of the way. She pushed on it, but it wouldn't budge. Placing both palms against it, she leaned into the side of the door, putting all her weight behind her. She immediately pulled her left hand away, softly cursing under her breath at the pain. Annoyed, she shook it as if she could shake the pain from it.
Steve had taken a step back when Lori tried to touch his face. Not wanting to embarrass her, he'd have to kindly dodge her attention. He didn't want Maddie to get the wrong idea. He felt he'd made a bit of progress upstairs and he didn't want to lose that. "I'm good, Lori. Thanks for your concern. It looks worse than it is," he assured her while keeping an eye on Maddie.
Noticing he put a little distance between them and that he couldn't keep his eyes off Maddie, Lori became worried. Refusing to give up she moved closer and asked, "What were you guys fighting about?"
Steve tensed when she closed the distance between them. As he racked his brain of what to say he saw Maddie struggling to open the circular glass door. Relieved to have an excuse to remove himself from the situation, he said, "Excuse me, Lori." It took only several long, determined strides to reach her. "Mads, you okay?" Steve asked. Maddie jumped, not realizing he was behind her. "Sorry. You scare a lot easier than you used to, ya know that?"
Of course, I do! I have a crazy person stalking and threatening me! she thought. Maddie glanced over to see Lori standing alone. Had he left her to come over to her?"Only when you sneak up on me," she responded, cradling her hand to her chest.
"Let me see," he ordered, taking it from her. He flipped it over and looked at her palm. She immediately noticed how gentle and caring his touch was as he looked over the cuts. "Well, you didn't break them open, but they're pretty red. Ya gotta be careful. Plus, these should be wrapped up." She pulled her hand back and turned around, getting ready to push the door the rest of the way open. "Let me help you."
"I got it," she mumbled. Before she could lean her weight against the door, Steve pulled her back to him. He placed his hands flat against her stomach and positioned her back against his front. Maddie's eyes flew closed at the feel of his mouth against her ear and his breath on her neck. "Stop. I don't want you to hurt yourself. ... Mads... we just talked about this. Please, stop pushing me away."
Although Maddie loved being held by him, she was still scared and hesitant. She looked around nervously. As she looked to the right Joe caught her eye. He nodded slightly to her and arched his eyebrows. She knew what he was wordlessly saying, but she also knew he didn't know that she had to keep Steve safe. However, she was in the privacy of her own home. "Unknown Sender" wouldn't know. She was safe from prying eyes. Maddie nodded, almost imperceptibly, to Joe before turning and looking straight ahead. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she leaned back into Steve.
Steve's heard pounded as he felt her relax. He couldn't keep the smile from his face. That's a start. A big step, he thought. He turned his head to the left and kissed her head, her wavey hair soft against his face. He couldn't help but breath in. He'd always loved the smell of her hair. "Man, I've missed you," he whispered before kissing the side of her head again.
Maddie sighed as her eyes drifted closed, getting lost in the feel of his protective arms around her. She placed her hands over his on her stomach. "Me too, Stevie," she responded so quietly he almost missed it.
Completely content, Steve wished they could stay like that forever.
Their friends watched from their chairs on the patio. "You're right, Joe. Things seem to be getting better. Whatever you said seemed to work," Danny said. He was still in awe that Steve had this side to him, and he still couldn't believe he'd never told him about someone so important to him.
Atta boy, Joe thought, smiling. He was proud that although scared, Steve was taking his advice.
"God, they're perfect for one another," Malia smiled.
"I know," Rachel mumbled, sniffling. They all turned to her.
"Rach, what's wrong? Feeling okay?" Danny asked her, concerned.
"Yes, it's just so romantic. To be friends since they were four," she cried, wiping tears from her face.
Everyone laughed. "Pregnancy hormones," Danny whispered, shaking his head and smiling.
"We are nearly ready, Mads," Ben interrupted with Gracie at his side acting as his little helper.
"Okay," Maddie responded still in Steve's arms.
Reluctantly he let her go. "Okay, step back," he said, placing his hands on her upper arms and moving her to the side. He turned to the glass door and pushed, but it wouldn't move. "That's weird." Steve investigated the door before lifting it up and jiggling it before setting it back down. He smiled at her, standing in her black t-shirt and denim shorts. "I haven't told you yet how beautiful you look tonight."
Maddie's eyes widened in surprise and she blushed profusely. Did he really just say that to me? she wondered. "Thank you," she shyly responded, smiling at him.
He loved that he'd made her blush. Still grinning at her, he used his right hand and pushed on the door. It immediately slid the rest of the way open. "There ya go. It was off the track."
"I completely loosened it for you," Maddie smiled at him.
Grinning back at her, Steve said, "Sure ya did, Mads." At his response her smile grew revealing her dimples. Biting his bottom lip, he poked her right dimple with his index finger.
"Commander McGarrett?" a voice said, interrupting their moment.
Steve turned to his left to see Max. "Hey, Max!" he greeted, pulling him into a 'bro hug'. "And, it's Steve."
"Okay… Steve." Max smiled, feeling like one of the guys.
"Sorry I'm so late. I had a meeting with the coroner's office," Max replied.
"No problem." Turning to Maddie he introduced his coworker. "Maddie, this is Dr. Max Bergman, Medical Examiner. Max, this is Maddie."
"Nice to meet you!" Maddie said, holding out her hand.
Max shook it lively. "Nice to meet you as well. I just have to tell you, I'm a huge fan of yours."
Maddie smiled. "Thank you! I appreciate that!"
Ryan walked up interrupting their conversation and handed her a steaming cup of tea. "Here. Thought you'd need this. Can I just say I love the slightly raspy man voice you've got goin' on?"
Taking the mug, she said, "Thanks Ry! And... what can I say? I'm working on my impression of you. However, I think I added a little too much 'man' to it."
Max and Steve started laughing as Ryan shook his head smirking. "You're so funny!" he sarcastically said. "No, but seriously, you getting sick?" Ryan asked.
"No. It's just tired from being on tour." Maddie immediately felt Steve's concerned eyes on her. "Is that for me, too?" Maddie asked wanting to change the topic as she pointed to the bottle in his left hand.
"Oh yeah. Forgot I was holding it. Here, ya go!" Ryan handed her the bottle of honey.
She flashed him a silly smile, wrinkling her nose as she did so. Steve had always loved her facial expressions.
"Oh, one other thing," Ryan began hesitantly. He gaze flickered to Steve.
"Yeah?" she responded.
"You left your phone down here," Ryan told her.
"Okay... thanks?" Maddie said flashing him a confused look.
Ryan pulled the phone from his pocket. "It's been ringing."
Just as he handed it to her the "Nightmare on Elm Street" theme song began to play. Maddie's eyes widened, immediately understanding why he was being so strange. "Got it! Thanks!" She snatched the phone before hitting 'ignore' on the screen, effectively silencing it.
"A lot. it's been ringing a lot," Ryan reiterated.
"Yeah, I got it," Maddie somewhat snapped, appearing a bit anxious as she slipped the phone into her back pocket.
"What's wrong, Mads? Who is it?" Steve asked, knowing something weird was going on. "Does it have anything to do with the text message from last night?"
"Oh no! Not At all!" Maddie answered.
While Steve could tell it was the truth, it was obvious that whoever was calling was putting not only Maddie on edge, but Ryan as well. "Who was it?"
"No one you know." Maddie caught the questioning look he was giving her. "Seriously, it's no big deal. Promise!" she lied just as the same ringing started up again. She immediately pulled the phone out of her pocket and turned it to silent. Before he could ask any more questions, she turned to face the piano. "Well, I wonder how out of tune this is?"
She wasn't fooling him. Steve knew there was something about the call he probably needed to know about. Years of being friends with her had told him if she was trying to hide something, it was probably something he should know about.
"I actually am a pianist, too, and I tune my own piano. If there's anything really out of tune I don't mind fixing it quickly," Max offered.
"Max is an amazing player, Mads," Steve bragged.
"I would love to hear you play sometime! Maybe we can jam together?" Placing her cup of tea on a coaster on top of the piano, Maddie sat down. Hitting a couple keys, she pursed her lips and moved her head from side to side. However, she made a face when she hit the next couple notes. Turning to Max, Maddie asked, "You sure you don't mind? Those were pretty out of tune."
Ecstatic that she'd asked for his help, Max said, "Of course! I'll take a look!" She stood up, picking up her tea to get out of his way.
"Thank you so much, Max."
As Max went to work, she started thinking about what new songs she'd play. It didn't matter which ones she chose, they would all reveal something to Steve. However, the more she thought about it the more she decided it was a good way to tell him about what was going on. She was just singing a song after all, not coming right out and telling him. Deciding which songs she'd sing, she turned to Steve, discovering that while she'd been lost in thought Lori had approached them. Well, approached Steve.
"Are you sure you're not in pain?" Lori asked, her body practically pressed against Steve as her hand lightly touched the cut on his right cheek.
"Yeah, I'm sure," Steve replied, unsure of what to do. He couldn't push Lori away, but he also didn't want Maddie to think something was going on between them.
I gotta get out of here! Maddie thought. "I'll be right back!" she said quickly as she started walking away.
"Where are you going?" Steve asked moving his head to the right so he could see Maddie.
"Gotta grab a guitar," she answered unable to look anywhere near Steve.
"There's one right here," Ryan pointed to the guitar near the piano.
Shooting him a quick glare, Maddie responded, "I want a specific one I had on tour." Not giving anyone a chance to say anything, she hurried across the patio, desperate to get away from the situation.
Steve watched Maddie rush away his heart aching at her panicked movements. Suddenly Lori moved, blocking his view of her retreating figure.
As Maddie hurried across the covered portion of the patio, she took stock of how terrible she felt. Her head was pounding and her leg was throbbing, not to mention her throat was more than scratchy now. And now that her heart was aching, so was her stomach. Even though she'd tried not to get excited about his flirting, she did. Who was she kidding? Even if he did feel the same, they couldn't be together. A couple tears slid down her face as she passed the couches in front of the fireplace, the table they'd eaten dinner at, and the grill. As she stepped out from under the covered patio and past the chaise lounges along the side of the pool, she remembered the heated look Lori had just given Steve. As Maddie veered away from the pool area and onto the path leading to her studio she wondered what happened after she left. Would he hook up with her inside her house? Suddenly an image of Steve and Lori having sex in her house flashed into her pounding head. The thought made her more upset, which increased her nausea. I mean, I think they had sex last night. Had she been in a better headspace she would never have even contemplated this as Steve would never do that to her. More tears fell from her eyes. She didn't know why she'd let him get to her upstairs or a few minutes ago. Knowing she needed to just get the evening over with, she picked up the pace. At each step, the vibrations shot up her leg, causing intense pain not only in her right heel and knee, but her head.
The tears falling from her eyes made it hard to see in front of her and the sloppy way she was running, because of her limp, caused her feet to drag every couple steps. Suddenly she went flying forward as she tripped over an uneven stone in the path.
"Son of a bitch!" Maddie cursed as she came down hard on the rocks. A lifetime of clumsiness had gotten her pretty good at reacting quickly and she was able to position herself so she'd fall on her side. While it saved her from landing directly on her knee, the side of her head smacked against the ground instead. Luckily she didn't hit it nearly as hard as she had at Five-O Headquarters. As she grabbed her throbbing head, she whispered, "Why do I have to be such a klutz?" She quickly stood, but immediately felt so dizzy she stumbled, landing on her hands and left knee. Maddie stood again, this time slower. She still felt slightly dizzy, but was able to remain on her feet, and limped the remaining distance to the door of her studio.
She'd only been gone a few minutes, but he couldn't stop looking in the direction of the studio hoping to see her walking back. Lori had been standing near him the entire time. He'd decided that he'd walk her to her car at the end of the night and tell her he didn't want to pursue anything with her.
Danny, Joe, and Chin had been watching Steve try to communicate he wasn't interested with his body language. "What do you think happened between them up there?" Danny wondered.
"Honestly?" Joe asked. "Nothing. I think Steve's trying to get to Maddie and she's shutting him out."
"Joe, I thought you said things were going to get better between them? That doesn't sound better to me," Danny cried.
"It'll get better, trust me." Joe smiled at the thought. "At least Steve's actually trying now."
They watched as Lori leaned towards Steve as she animatedly told him something. They smirked as they watched him uncomfortably lean slightly in the opposite direction. "Should we help him out?" Chin asked.
"I dunno. I have to say it's kind of fun to see him so uncomfortable," Danny answered. After a minute, he sighed and called, "Hey, Steve! Check this out! You gotta hear this."
Steve's face lit up as he apologized to Lori.
They chuckled as he quickly joined them. Danny smiled, clapping his partner on the back. When Chin and Danny flashed him a knowing look, he shook his head and rolled his eyes before grumbling, "Yeah, yeah... you guys were right. Happy?"
"What exactly were we right about?" Danny asked enjoying every minute of his Navy Seal partner telling him he was right.
"Seriously, Danno?"
"Yeah... seriously, Steven!"
"Fine. I should've waited and seen Mads first before ever trying to find out if there was anything between Lori and me."
They all laughed, but Steve didn't care. He was too distracted keeping his eye out for Maddie. "Do you think I should go check on her?" He looked at his watch.
"Son, she's back," Joe said smiling at how oblivious Steve was to his true feelings for her.
"Where? I didn't see her come back."
"It was just a second ago. She went inside. I imagine she'll be out in a minute," Chin assured.
No sooner had he said that when, from inside the house, Maddie took a seat at the piano. Max stood next to her saying something he couldn't hear. Steve subconsciously eyed her up and down making sure she was okay. Because of how clumsy she was, he'd been doing that since they were kids. He squinted when he saw a bit of blood on her left knee. "What the?" he mumbled. He was just taking a step towards her when Ryan came from behind and handed her some paper towels. Before pressing them to her wound, Maddie looked up and Steve caught her eye. Furrowing his eyebrows he mouthed, "You okay?" She nodded and gave him a weak smile before looking away. Damn, he inwardly cursed. He lost the bit of progress he'd made.
Just as Steve reached her, Ryan handed her her tea. "I warmed it for you."
"Thanks," she replied, taking a long sip.
"What happened, Mads?" Steve asked, pointing to her knee.
Subconsciously Maddie used her right index and middle fingers and rubbed the side of her head where she could already feel a bump forming. Seeing Steve's eyes watch the motion, she immediately dropped her hand. Clearing her throat, she looked into his eyes and answered, "I tripped walking to the studio. Shocking."
"You hurt anything else?"
"I skinned my palms a little. No big deal."
Glancing at his watch he said, "Remember, 10:30. Better do this now."
"Yeah," she sighed. The last thing she wanted to do was sing, but she had promised Gracie.
"Mads, don't overdo it. You know the problems you've had with your voice lately," Ryan reminded her. "You need to rest up for the show."
"Yeah, I know," Maddie mumbled turning to face her piano while setting her tea down on the coaster.
The two men turned, walking towards the patio furniture where the others were sitting. Steve looked to Ryan. "What problems?"
"She's exhausted. She's never sleeping, so she never rests her voice. The last few weeks there were nights her voice was nearly gone by the time she got off stage. The last couple shows she's even struggled during them."
"Yeah, I've noticed she's been hoarse since she got here." Steve knew he had to get her to start sleeping.
"This is actually a good test to see where she's at for the show Wednesday."
"Ronnie?" Maddie asked from her piano bench.
"Yeah, Inspector?" A short brown-haired man sitting on a cajon answered.
"Really?" She jokingly glared at him.
"Inspector?" Rachel asked.
The band laughed as did Pete, Ryan, and Tina. "Short for Inspector Gadget. One of Maddie's many nicknames. Due to the fact that she's insanely clumsy," Pete answered. "Tripping on her way to the studio would be a perfect example."
Steve smiled as he watched Maddie make a fake angry face. Even though it made him worry, he also found her clumsiness pretty cute at times.
"Anyway," she cleared her throat. "Even on that," she motioned to the cajon, "watch the volume. No mics, and it's a small group. It'll get too loud."
"Got it, Inspector!" Ronnie grinned at her.
"All right, let's wing this. You guys have the music Tina copied for you?" she asked. A chorus of 'yeses', 'uh-huhs', and 'mmm hmms' were heard as she took one final sip of tea.
Maddie started the song solo on piano and began to sing.
When holding your breath is safer than breathing
When letting go is braver than keeping
When innocent words turn to lies
And you can't hide by closing your eyes
Ronnie softly came in with a beat before Ben joined on acoustic guitar.
When the pain is all that they offer
Like the kiss from the lips of a monster
You know the famine so well, but never met the feast
When home is the belly of a beast
As she entered the chorus, Sam joined in on cello.
The ocean is wild and over your head
And the boat beneath you is sinking
Don't need room for your bags, hope is all that you have
So say the Lord's Prayer twice, hold your babies tight
Surely someone will reach out a hand
And show you a safe place to land
Even though he'd seen her perform and sing since they were kids, Steve was still wowed by her every time. She was born to do this, he thought proudly. As he watched her from his seat, he listened carefully to the words. He was right. She was terrified and feeling lost.
Matt joined in on bass. He usually played guitar, but would join on bass when Sam was playing cello.
Oh, imagine yourself in a building
Up in flames, being told to stand still
The window's wide open
This leap is on faith
You don't know who will catch you
But maybe somebody will
At the emotion in Maddie's voice, Steve's heart ached. He had to get her to tell him what was going on.
The ocean is wild and over your head
And the boat beneath you is sinking
Don't need room for your bags, hope is all that you have
So say the Lord's Prayer twice, hold your babies tight
Surely someone will reach out a hand
And show you a safe place to land
Maddie glanced to the left of Steve and saw Joe. He winked at her as their eyes met. To the left of him was Danny and Rachel. Grace stood in between her father's knees watching her intently. She smiled at the little girl. Shocking, she thought, seeing Lori to the right of Steve. Chin and Malia were next to her. Maddie noticed the gap they'd left between them and wondered if they were very close to Lori. Ryan and Tina were sitting behind Steve and Lori, and Pete was leaning against a column to her right.
It was always so odd to her when she played more intimate settings because she could see everyone's faces. When she was on stage, she could usually only see the first row, maybe the first two rows. With the stage lights so bright, and the rest of the venue dark, it was just a sea of voices, shadowed heads, and phone lights. Because of this, she usually found herself taking in the audience's faces. She also tended to be more nervous because she could see them.
Be the hand of a hopeful stranger
Little scared, but you're strong enough
Be the light in the dark of this danger
'Til the sun comes up
Be the hand of a hopeful stranger
Little scared, but you're strong enough
Be the light in the dark of this danger
'Til the sun comes up
The band grew a bit louder as she continued singing.
Be the hand of a hopeful stranger
Little scared, but you're strong enough
Be the light in the dark of this danger
'Til the sun comes up
'Til the sun comes up
'Til the sun comes up
'Til the sun comes up
'Til the sun... comes up
After they ended, Sam, her bass player and cellist, yelled, "Yeah! Man, I love it when you jam with us, Mads!"
Needing the lubrication, Maddie took a couple sips of tea. Once she swallowed, she laughed, "Sam! You say that to everyone that jams with you. You're gonna have to do better!" The band erupted into laughter.
The band joked around as Mads slowly stood to walk out onto the patio. Unfortunately, given the fact she recently hit her head again, it didn't matter how slowly she got up, the dizziness was intense. Steve watched as she grabbed on to the piano to steady herself. She got up slowly… why's she so dizzy, he thought. He glanced to his left at Malia and they shared a confused look.
Woah, that was close, Maddie thought as she wobbled to the stool a few feet away where her acoustic Gibson guitar was waiting for her. Ben and her other guitarist took a seat next to her as she tuned her guitar. Still feeling dizzy she swayed a bit on the stool, freaking Steve out. Just what he was afraid of, Maddie swayed a bit too far back, but thankfully, Ben had been watching and grabbed her before she could tip backwards. Steve took a deep breath, his heart pounding. Thank God, he thought.
Maddie turned her head to Ben and gave him an uneasy smile. Steve could see them exchange whispered words, but wasn't sure what they said. Ben's arm remained behind her until she gave him a nod. He assumed she was relaying the end of the dizzy spell. As she returned to tuning her guitar he noticed her stop and shakeout her left hand several times. He wished she wouldn't play if it was bothering her, but he knew how she was when she got something in her head. They were similar in that regard.
Maddie smiled and started playing. Oh man, my hand, she thought. Next to her Ben joined in on his acoustic guitar.
Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm
I wish I were pretty
I wish I were brave
If I owned this city
Then I'd make it behave
Sam came in on bass along with Matt, her other guitarist.
And if I were fearless
Then I'd speak my truth
And the world would hear this
That's what I wish, I'd do ye-eah
Maddie looked to Ronnie and nodded as he came in on cajon. Smiling, she continued to sing.
Ye-ea-ah
Ye-ea-eah
Ye-ea-eah
If my hands could hold them, you'd see
I'd take all these secrets in me
And I'd move and mold them to be
Something I'd set free
Oh Mads, Steve thought, paying close attention to the lyrics. I wish you'd talk to me.
I wanna darken in the skies
Open the flood gates up
Ow! Maddie thought feeling a sudden intense pain in her left hand. She could feel blood on her hand from one of the now ripped open cuts.
I wanna change my mind
I wanna be enough
She looked over to Steve singing those next two lines to him. He smiled at her as they stared into one another's eyes. Catching something from the corner of his eye he saw the blood on the neck of her guitar. He shook his head when she didn't stop and continued on as if nothing was happening.
I want the water in my eyes
I wanna cry until the end of time
I wanna let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Tonight
Maddie was having a difficult time playing, not just from the pain, but because the blood was making her hand and fingers slip on the neck of her guitar.
I hold on to worry
So tight
It's safe in here right next to my heart
Who now shouts at the top of her voice
Let me go, let me out, this is not my choice!
And I always felt it before
That the world was filled with much more
Than the drowning soul
I've learned to be
I just need the rain to remind me
Pete knew she wouldn't stop mid-song, but he'd be ready to help when she was done. He walked inside and grabbed some paper towels.
I wanna darken in the skies
Open the flood gates up
I wanna change my mind
I wanna be enough
I want the water in my eyes
I wanna cry until the end of time
I wanna let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Knowing Steve would be worried her hand was bleeding, Maddie looked up and met his eyes. She flashed him a smile, hoping it would help alleviate his concern.
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
I wanna let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Mm alright
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
The band died out except for Ronnie on cajon.
I wanna let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
On me, yea
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Tonight
When everyone was done clapping, Maddie said, "That song will be even cooler when I have my amazing background singers join in." She slightly rubbed her forehead, her headache growing worse by the second.
Pete suddenly appeared with paper towels to wipe her hand. He knew there was no way she was going to stop just because she was bleeding. It took a lot to slow her down and keep her from doing what she set out to do, so he knew it was pointless to even argue.
"Thanks, Petey," she whispered.
"No problem, Shorty!" he whispered back before walking to the kitchen to throw the paper towels out.
Gracie, who had been in a sort of trance while watching her, suddenly erupted with excitement. Leaving her father and running up to her, Gracie jumped up and down. "Maddie! Will you play more?"
Maddie smiled at her. "I got two more for you, but then…" She wrinkled her nose as she grinned. "You're gonna have to wait for Wednesday to hear more."
"But I don't have tickets to your show. My mom tried to get some, but it sold out."
Maddie turned to Tina, her eyes wide. "Seriously? It sold out? Already? Tickets went on sale this morning."
"Completely sold out… in minutes!" Tina smiled at her friend. She found it funny that even though every show sold out immediately, she was still genuinely surprised each time. Maddie had never let fame change her. She'd remained humble and gracious throughout the years. It was one of the things she loved about her.
"Wow… that's insane!" Maddie said in awe. "We better put on a great show!" She laughed, but inside she wasn't sure she'd be able to pull it off. Banishing her thoughts, she turned her attention back to Gracie. "Who said anything about tickets?" Maddie smiled at the confused look on the girl's face. "Tickets can't get you the best seat in the house. Just ask Uncle Steve!"
Grace turned to look at Steve, her eyebrows furrowed questioningly. He smiled at her, "It's true! Only Maddie can get you the best seat in the house. Even better than front row."
"Really?" Gracie asked in awe. Everyone was smiling at her excitement.
"It's true," Maddie told her. "Tickets also can't get you backstage." She looked at Tina. "Can you get all the passes to them? Make sure they know where to go, how to get in? You know, all the details?"
"Of course!" Tina pulled her cell from her pocket and made several notes. "Gracie, you are gonna have so much fun!"
"Thank you so much, Aunt Maddie!" Gracie exclaimed hugging her.
"You're so welcome, sweetie!" Maddie squeezed her tightly. God, she loved hearing her refer to her as an aunt.
Pulling out of the hug, Gracie asked, "Can I hear the other two songs now?" Everyone started laughing.
"Why of course!" Maddie laughed and stood slowly, returning to her piano. As she sat down she ignored the way everything was moving. She knew the feeling would pass.
"I wrote this a couple weeks ago," she said. She paused, seeming nervous, which surprised Steve. She was rarely nervous when she played someone a new song. "And..." She sighed loudly. "I'll just let it speak for itself."
Maddie began playing simple stripped down chords, immediately giving the song an intimate feel. Softly she began to sing.
She's a wonder woman
She knows what she likes
Never know she's broken
'Cause she's always fine
Steve's breath caught at the words and sadness in her voice. Is this how she's always felt, he worried. Or is this just recent?
Sam joined her on cello as Maddie added a bit more flourish into her playing.
She's a million moments
Lived a thousand lives
Never know she's hopeless
Only when she cries
Joe looked over at Steve and their gazes met. He could see the intense concern in his mentor's eyes.
Her voice grew louder and more passionate.
When her favorite record is on and she's dancing in the dark
She can't stop her eyes from welling up, up
She makes sure that no one's 'round to see her fall apart
She wants to be the one that never does
Steve grew more worried at those lyrics. Until the last few days, he had rarely seen her fall apart. Instinctively he knew she'd always done it alone, but they never talked about it. Maybe we need to, he thought. He didn't want her just holding everything in all the time.
Maddie's voice returned to the earlier, softer quality.
She's a won't-stop woman
Hours on her hands
All the pain is polished
All the tears are planned
Her voice grew louder as she wailed the next part. He could hear the emotion in her voice. He didn't have to see her eyes to know that they would be glassy.
But when her favorite record is on and she's dancing in the dark
She can't stop her eyes from welling up, up
She makes sure that no one's 'round to see her fall apart
She wants to be the one that never does
Maddie quieted, her voice nearly a whisper.
She's a wonder woman
She knows what she likes
She fought the tears, but couldn't keep her voice from breaking.
Never know she's broken
Only when she cries, mmm
When she and Sam finished the last chord, they were met with only silence. Maddie couldn't even look at anyone she was so nervous and uncomfortable. She could hear Rachel crying, and knew at least another of her friends was sniffling and fighting the emotion. She didn't look at Steve. She couldn't. She was too afraid of what she'd see and too afraid of what he'd see.
Finally, Ryan broke the silence. "Tell me you're going to record that and release it."
She shrugged her shoulders. "Mmm... I'm leaning towards no."
"You're a fool," he responded.
Maddie glanced at him with an appreciative look before she forced a chuckle. She knew he was trying to make everyone laugh to break the tension.
While Ryan spoke, Pete and Steve had a silent conversation. They knew whatever she was hiding was bad, but it seemed to be a lot worse if that's how she was feeling. Despite her current behavior, Maddie was tough. It would take a lot to make her fall apart, something Steve had already known. She'd never once fallen apart in front of him when she'd hid her father's physical abuse as a kid. And his dad had been a cop and he hadn't known. Just thinking about it caused Steve's temper to flare.
With everyone else remaining silent, Maddie's unease grew. I shouldn't have sung that one, she thought. She cleared her throat before saying, "Anyway, one left for you."
"You should record it," Kono added, fighting back tears. She hated seeing her friend in so much pain. Maddie had helped her so much through the end of her surfing career that she'd do whatever she could to help Steve figure out what was going on and fix it.
"You should, Mads," Steve finally said, his voice tight. She could hear a myriad of emotions in it. Anger, Worry, Fear, and also pride. "It's phenomenal." It was. So many people would be able to relate to the words.
"I'll think about it," Maddie murmured before taking several sips of tea.
"Inspector," Ben said. "What's the last one? Not Alone?" She flashed him a small, grateful smile at the topic change.
"Yeah." Since Steve hadn't made a big stink about her hand bleeding for the last 2 songs, Maddie decided to throw him a bone and say a little something even though she was still uncomfortable. "This one... I wrote early this morning. It's called 'Not Alone'." Maddie briefly looked at Ronnie, nodding for him to start.
"1…2…3… YES!" Ronnie counted off and he and Maddie began playing.
It comes a calling in the evening
When the temperature is dropping out
They said it don't get cold here
But I beg to differ now
As she entered the second half of the first verse, Ben, Matt, and Sam joined.
There is something in the shadows
More than sister silhouette
Something sinister and strange
That I haven't seen yet
Steve was shocked when he realized she was singing about what had her so scared, what she refused to tell him. He focused intently on her lyrics, hoping she'd reveal something he could use.
Maddie turned her head to the right and sang the chorus to him.
And I don't want to be alone
Sky, don't let the sun go
I'm not ready for the darkness
Swear upon a heartless soul
And I don't want to cry when you go
Stay a little longer, you know
You're making me feel
I'm not alone
He smiled, realizing the song was written for him after he left her last night. After she'd probably had a nightmare.
As she entered the second verse she continued singing to him.
You don't have to fight the bad guys
Throwing punches out into the black
Maddie turned back and smiled at her band.
If you have to tell me lies, I don't care
Just give me some good back
I don't want to be alone
Sky, don't let the sun go
I'm not ready for the darkness
Swear upon a heartless soul
Maddie turned her head back to Steve and sang to him.
And I don't want to cry when you go
Stay a little longer, you know
You're making me feel
I'm not alone
She glanced back to her band, smiling. She had missed playing with them. Sure, she saw them every day, but they were the ones backing her. She'd been too withdrawn the last few months to actually jam with them. Plus, Larry Kern, the new head of her label, had been keeping her too busy.
And if I only worry 'bout it
Worry 'bout it, worry 'bout it
I just keep breaking down
Breaking down, breaking down
Maddie returned her gaze to Steve as she sang the next part.
Boy, I could do without
Do without, do without
A night of the bad dreams, sad things
Tell me what that means
Although she was pushing him away she was saying she needed him, which gave him hope that he'd be able to convince her to let him in. His hope and happiness quickly faltered as he remembered she'd booked a flight out of Hawaii for Friday.
Maddie turned to Ronnie and sang and played the next line with just him and her bassist, Sam.
I don't want to be alone
The next line she sang a cappella before the band joined back in for the rest.
Sky, don't let the sun go
I'm not ready for the darkness
Swear upon a heartless soul
Maddie and the band rocked out, making silly faces and laughing with one another. Although her hand was hurting, and bleeding, she ignored it, enjoying the moment.
And I don't want to cry when you go
Stay a little longer, you know
You're making me feel
The monsters aren't real
You're making me feel
I'm not alone
Not alone
Oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oooo
Finished with the song Maddie said, "Let me formally introduce you to the most talented group of people and the most amazing human beings!" As she said each guy's name she pointed to him, everyone cheering and clapping. "You already met him, but on guitar you got Ben! ... Also, on guitar, Matt! Or as we often refer to him, Mattie, the male version of me! ... The one and only Ronnie on percussion! ... and Sam on bass and cello! Unfortunately, because they were coming from the east coast, you didn't get to meet Chester who plays horns, strings, and sometimes harmonica. And Wally, who plays keys and piano. But, don't worry, you'll meet them Wednesday."
"And we can't forget, Mads! We wouldn't have so many wonderful and amazing memories and experiences if it wasn't for her!" Ben exclaimed. Maddie blushed at his words waving him off.
"Don't get sappy on me now, Ben. I'll have to fire you," she joked, using humor to hide how uncomfortable she was with the praise. They all laughed, knowing she'd never fire any of them. They'd been with her for a decade. She had always been loyal. If someone did their job, worked hard, and was enjoyable to be around, they could count on Maddie to keep them on for the long haul. That wasn't usually the case in the entertainment industry. And she employed hundreds of people when she was on tour because her shows were so elaborate.
"Group picture!" Ronnie cried as the band moved away from their instruments. Maddie stood up wanting to join them, but like the other times she became dizzy. Not wanting to fall she reached her hands out to the piano. Everyone turned to her when they came down hard on the keys, playing a ton of different notes that should never be played together. She smiled trying to pass it off as her just being silly. However, Ben immediately saw what was going on and grabbed her, holding her tight against his body. "Alright, everyone gather around the inspector and me!" They did without questioning, unaware of what was going on. While Maddie had been cleaning Steve up, Pete had filled him in on what had happened at Five-O Headquarters.
"Rock 'n' roll!" Tina exclaimed as she held the camera in front of the group.
"ROCK 'N' ROLL!" they all shouted, laughing and posing as Tina took the picture. "Awesome! Got it!"
Steve immediately stood and walked over to Maddie, Malia behind him. "Mads, come on." He placed his hand at the small of her back as the three walked towards the house.
Entering the kitchen Steve quickly lifted her onto the kitchen island before she could protest. While he jogged upstairs to her room for the ointment and gauze, Malia looked at her hand. Steve was back in maybe twenty seconds, reminding Maddie of his lightning fast reflexes. "It looks okay. She only ripped one open. Just needs to be cleaned and wrapped back up." Smirking at her friend, she said, "Which it should've been to begin with."
"It's hard to play the piano. And forget about the guitar," Maddie defended.
Malia started to take the towel from Steve. "I can do it. Go have fun," Steve said.
Malia made eye contact with him, trying to hide her smile. She knew he wanted to be alone with Maddie. It was obvious to all of them what she'd been singing about and she guessed he wanted to bring it up. "Okay. Just let me know if you need anything," she told him, patting his arm, and walking away.
Just as he did upstairs in her bathroom, Steve positioned himself in front of Maddie, standing in between her legs. Starting just above her elbow he used the warm, damp towel to wipe away the blood that had trickled down her forearm. "Songs were awesome, Mads," he began nervously.
"Thanks," she said timidly.
Steve glanced up at her and saw she wasn't looking at him. The progress they'd made seemed to be gone, but he didn't necessarily know why. Of course, he knew Lori's advances were bothering her, but he thought he'd begun to make it clear to her he had feelings for her and not his coworker. He sighed and continued to clean her up. Finding the silence uncomfortable, he tried again. "The band sounded awesome! I can't wait to see you guys Wednesday. I haven't seen a live show in... I don't even know how long."
"Two and a half years," Maddie mumbled, remembering exactly when he'd last seen her perform.
"Right," he mumbled, feeling guilty. He continued to wipe her arm, moving closer to her wrist. "Does it hurt?"
"Nah," she lied.
Wrapping the damp towel around her hand to absorb any new blood, Steve sighed. "Okay... enough's enough. We need to talk."
"Again? About what?" Maddie asked, playing dumb.
"That!" he cried, finally losing his patience. "Why won't you just be straight with me? I know you're in pain. I can see you trying to hide the fact you're wincing. And don't think I didn't notice the way you were shaking out your hand when you were playing. So, why lie about it? Especially to me?" He paused, rubbing his face in frustration. "I mean, it's me for God's sake!"
"If you know it hurts, why ask?" she retorted coldly.
Steve's eye grew stormy as anger coursed through his veins. "We talked about it upstairs and when we came down. Stop pushing me away!" His heart was pounding and he felt his blood pressure rising as he fought the urge to pace. Lifting his head to stare straight at her he growled, "Look at me!"
Annoyed with him and the fact he was freaking out on her, Maddie refused. "Steve!" she yelled as he grabbed her head and, with a hand on each side, held it so they were face to face.
"Stop... pushing me... away!" he ground out, enunciating each word for full effect. "We'd made a little progress when we came downstairs... Now, it's gone."
"And whose fault is that?" Maddie snapped. Her eyes grew wide when she realized what she'd said.
Steve smirked at her humorlessly and released her face. "Well, that's the first real thing you've said to me."
She said nothing as she blushed. You idiot! How could you let that slip? Maddie chastised herself.
"I told you I was an ass earlier. But, damn it, give me a chance to fix it." Although temper was still there, his eyes pleaded with her.
"It is what it is. It's fine. Everything's fine. Promise…" she lied, her sad tone contradicting her words.
Her desolate and distant tone penetrated his anger. "Come on, Madeline… don't do this."
Maddie was fighting the tears and knew if she looked at him that would be it. She carefully unwrapped the towel from her hand. "Are you going to help me with my hand or not?"
Closing his eyes, Steve sighed resignedly. "Yeah," he mumbled, devastated she wouldn't let him in. Carefully he finished cleaning the blood from her hand, neither one speaking. When he was finished he grabbed the ointment and put some on both cuts. As he did she tried to hide her wince. "Sorry," he muttered. She said nothing as he wrapped her hand. "Good to go," Steve quietly told her.
"Thanks," she whispered trying to use her right hand to hop down off the counter. However, she knew she couldn't put too much weight on her right leg.
Steve watched her try and figure out how to get down, hoping she'd ask for his help, but at the same time knowing she wouldn't. God, she can be so damn stubborn, he thought.
She'd start to get down only to stop and try a different way, but then stop again. Crap! How am I gonna do this without killing my knee and foot? she wondered. She knew she was being a child, but she refused to ask for help. Knowing her only option was to try and land on her left foot, she took a deep breath and jumped down onto her left leg. However, she'd forgotten about the dizziness and this time it was too much and she felt the looming darkness. "Steve," she mumbled knowing she was going down.
Steve watched her finally jump down instead of asking him for help and felt his temper rise again. Stubborn, he fumed. When he saw she landed safely he turned around and walked the couple steps to the refrigerator for a much-needed beer. "Steve," he heard her softly call. It felt like everything was suddenly moving in slow motion as he heard the sound of her voice. Whipping around, his stomach plummeted as he watched her eyes roll back in her head. Thank God he had lightning fast reflexes and was able to catch her before her head hit the stone floor. Plus, he'd been closer than he had been at Five-O. Holding her in his arms on the floor he whispered, "Mads… baby. Wake up…" He brushed her wavy hair to the side of her face. Relief filled him as her eyes slowly opened. "You okay?"
As realization hit, Maddie's face flushed from embarrassment. "Sorry," she mumbled as she tried to pull away and into a sitting position. Steve could tell that just that movement made her world spin as she fell back into him.
"Take it slow... Maddie, what's going on?" he asked, helping her slowly sit up, his eyes full of concern. Although she was now sitting, he continued to hold her. "You seemed to be doing better with this."
"I don't know," she lied, knowing she needed to come up with an explanation before he prodded. "Maybe I'm hungry."
"I mean, you haven't eaten much. You maybe took three bites of your dinner." Unconsciously, he smoothed her hair back. "I saved it. I'll warm it up."
"Okay." A part of her wanted to tell him she just wanted to get in bed, but she wouldn't let herself.
As she started to stand her legs buckled slightly, but he was right there, his strong arm around her, keeping her on her feet. She leaned into him as she waited for the dizzy spell to wear off. "Okay, I'm good," she said and took a step away when her head cleared.
She opened the fridge, Steve right behind her. "Here, let me do it," he said.
"No, I got it. Go back to the party. I'll be out in a second," Maddie responded, her voice distant again. She needed a minute to herself to try and figure out where her head was at. If she could even figure it out.
Steve looked at her incredulously. "Are you crazy? Baby, you just fainted in my arms! There's no way I'm going outside without you," he exclaimed.
The way he'd called her baby had her feeling even more confused. She loved it, but it also made her mad. Shouldn't he just be using that with Lori, she wondered, still refusing to see that he wasn't pursuing her and refusing to admit that Steve hadn't kissed or hooked up with Lori in her house. "Steve, go. I'll be out in a second. I'm fine now. I promise! I only feel like that when I stand up and I won't be sitting down before I go back outside. Just please, go!"
He could tell by her tone that it was pointless to argue, but it didn't mean he wasn't upset. "Fine." He began to walk away. When he was near the kitchen table he stopped and turned back to her. "You know, Madeline… for someone who just sang a song to me begging me not to leave her alone… you sure have a funny way of showing it."
Maddie turned and his breath caught in his throat as she purposely dropped her mask. "You don't get it… I am alone. You cannot fix this."
He knew she wasn't referring to them, but of what she was hiding about her stalker. It was the first time she'd admitted to knowing more about the situation than just the text message. "You aren't alone. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere no matter how hard you push. Even when you piss me off. If you tell me everything you know, I will fix this." He stared at the pure, raw terror in her eyes. When she remained silent, he added, "I know you're scared. Not only can I see it, but I was listening to the lyrics."
Maddie chewed her lower lip as she stared at him, her heart pounding. Would "Unknown Sender" find out if I tell him? She wondered. I mean, we are in the safety of the house. But then he'd known four months ago when she was going to call Steve and she'd been in private. She wanted to tell him everything so bad, but she knew she couldn't risk it. She couldn't risk Steve's life. She would rather live in constant fear than have something happen to him. "Go, Steve. I'll be out in a minute."
Damn, he inwardly cursed. Because she'd dropped her guard and let him see her fear, he'd also seen the indecision in her eyes. For a split second he'd thought she might finally tell him something, but then her guard had started to return. He had a feeling he was the reason she'd shut down again. Like she'd told Pete in her dressing room, she was protecting him. He'd have to figure out a way to prove to her he could more than take care of himself. Maybe then she'd tell him what she knew. Until then, he'd stay with her, no matter how hard she tried to push him away, no matter how mad she made him. She wasn't alone, and he never wanted her to feel that way. He'd hold her at night to try and diminish her nightmares, and he'd continue to try and show her how he felt about her.
Knowing he'd pushed her as much as she could handle right now, he reluctantly agreed. "Okay, but if you're not out in five minutes I'm coming back."
She nodded, grateful for his acquiescence. She needed a few minutes alone to pull herself together. She turned back to the refrigerator as he walked out of the house.