A/N: I don't have much idea of the education system in the series. In one episode, they are going to school, in the other, they are fighting in the World Championships. So please, don't judge this chapter.
CHARACTER AGES:
Kai Hiwatari - 14
Tala Ivanov - 15 (about 5 months older than Kai)
Bryan Kuznetsov - 15 (about 9 months older than Kai)
Spencer Petrov - 16 (about a year and a half older than Kai)
Ian Papov - 13 (about a year younger than Kai)
To Appliepie and Momokomon, thank you so so much for the reviews! :)
Hope you like! :)
CHAPTER 7
(Decisions)
A pair of eyes opened slowly to reveal deep crimson orbs that were slightly hazed with the confusion that arrives for mere seconds after waking up. The eyes blinked a few times to get used to the light that filled the room before glancing around.
The slate haired boy relaxed visibly when his eyes locked onto a calm pale face whose forehead was hidden under red locks. The face seemed so peaceful that he felt a sudden wave of calmness washing over his otherwise chaotic and stressed mind.
He reached a hand out and traced it gently along the sharp cheekbone, a little amused at the smoothness and softness he was met with. He smiled slightly before brushing the bangs away from the sleeping face, wanting nothing more than to just close his eyes and fall asleep again, the warmth of the other providing a soothing familiarity of safety to him.
'He looks so much beautiful when he's asleep. Can't he be more like this when he's awake?' he mused, before finally noticing a lean arm around his waist. Guess, getting out of bed wasn't going to be possible without waking the redhead up. Not like he wanted to anyway…
Sighing quietly, he leaned further into his pillow, fighting with the drowsiness.
His eyes again settled on Tala's face, watching it contently before realizing that two icy pools were boring into him, an almost invisible smirk on the other's lips. The arm around him pulled him closer to the other, before absentmindedly running gentle circles on his back.
He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the redhead's, before opening them once again and staring right into the crystal orbs, reading the whirls of emotions lying deep within them, the other also doing the same, as if speaking wasn't necessary when they could communicate like this.
Tala sighed and tightened his grip around the bluenette, leaning closer and resting his chin on his shoulder and staring at the window through which he could see the snow falling softly down onto the earth.
"Don't worry"
"I know, but I can't not with everything the way it is"
Tala turned his face to look into the red eyes again, glaring at him, though the effect wasn't much pronounced due to his messy appearance and croaky voice.
"Will you fucking stop it? I know things are a bit overwhelming for you, but can't you for once focus on the bright sides here?"
Kai rolled his eyes at the scolding, before shooting his own glare at his 'best friend'.
While he knew that Tala was right, after all their life struggling and bearing the burdens they never deserved, they had finally gotten the chance to actually live, to actually feel what life really was, they had no need to bring in any more worries in their lives, but.
It was easier said than done. He agreed that they were supposed to live freely, to make up for the time lost in the abbey, to live that childhood that had been murdered before it had bloomed, to enjoy the actual beauty of the life outside that hellhole, but in real life, there was no point where one could get rid of all the problems.
There was no happily ever after.
Those things happened in fairy tales, and life was not one. In life, problems were piled up one after the other, never letting one breathe, always troubling and crowding one's mind with dread and despair. Problems, in life, were as natural as breathing.
They couldn't just think that if they had suffered more than anyone deserved, that life would have mercy on them now. No, it never did. It just wasn't in its nature.
But he was determined to give them the best life he could, given that he himself may be facing more troubles than ever. If it was for them, he'd do anything, even if it'd kill him. But.
This redhead strongly opposed to that. His heart had warmed at the concern and care the other showed for him, which made all his efforts worth it.
If he could think of one good thing in his life, that was having Tala in it. He couldn't comprehend how he had lived so long without the other.
It was almost as if a part of him, that he hadn't even acknowledged he was missing, was back again, making him complete, giving his life a better reason to go on.
The redhead's care always felt like something of a miracle, which he thought that he didn't deserve, but the other would strongly disagree, which would lead to countless bickering, and glaring sessions, just like now…
Kai sighed, before muttering out, "I know, Tal, I just-"
He stopped, at a loss of words for once.
"Kai, I get it, but you need to stop worrying so much," the blue eyes saddened, "I've finally gotten you back after so long, I don't want to lose you again," he whispered softly.
Now Kai felt like shit, he had made the other sad even when he fully intended not to.
"You're not going to lose me again, Tal," he answered back with a firm yet gentle tone.
A pale hand traced over his cheek, before playing with the dark hair at the back.
"Do you promise?" the blue eyes that were glancing around, watching the invisible specks in the air, now settled on him, wanting a true answer.
"Of course, Tala," the redhead's face lightened up, a smile gracing his soft lips.
His own expression also softened, giving the redhead his own barely present yet meaningful smile.
"Kai, I'm so happy we're all together again, it's just like the old times, but better"
"Da…"
Tala closed his eyes, surrounded by the soothing presence of the Phoenix, and slipped back into slumber, faintly noticing the latter placing a delicate kiss on his red bangs, and tucking him properly in the covers, before slipping closer to him and falling asleep too.
"For fuck's sake, get your fucking ass up, captain," Bryan growled for the umpteenth time, glaring hard at the still asleep redhead, shaking him roughly before snatching the blanket from over him, smirking as the blue eyes finally opened.
Tala groaned and let out a few curses before glaring back at him, "The fuck you want?"
"It's almost fucking noon, Tala, so get the hell up," with that, he shoved the blanket he was holding onto Tala's face, who dodged it, though not too gracefully, before finally noticing the empty space beside him.
"Where is Kai?" he asked almost instantly, his tone switching from being angry to worried.
"He left an hour ago, said he had something important to do. Didn't he tell ya'?" Bryan asked him, laying himself down on the bed and staring up at the ceiling, before looking back at Tala.
"Nyet, he didn't" Tala murmured.
Bryan shrugged, not knowing what to make of it all, if he were honest, he'd say that Kai was being a bit fishy, disappearing for hours, and not opening up to them about his activities. But he didn't really want to ruin things up by telling them about his suspicions, when the redhead didn't seem to mind it.
Guess he'd just leave things until the end, and if there really was something shady going on, he'd kick the bastard's ass so hard he wouldn't –
"BRYAN?!!!" he was shaken out of his ramblings, the redhead now staring at him as if he had grown two heads or something, before laughing out.
"The fuck?" he snarled at him, not exactly pleased with being laughed at.
"You, you were looking so lost, oh fuck, was it someone? Was our Bry Bry thinking of a special someone?" he teased him, riling up the other before rushing out of his room, knowing he was in for it.
Bryan's face looked pissed, with a faint, very faint blush on his pale cheeks, before he lunged down the stairs after the redhead, grabbing him and tackling him down onto the floor.
Tala panted as he tried to both breathe and laugh at the same time, his sides hurting from laughing so much.
"Oh shit, you- you are blushing Bry!!! So there is som –"
He couldn't finish his sentence as the falcon mercilessly tickled him, knowing he was sensitive to touches.
He gasped as he tried to push the falcon away, still giggling like a girl – though he would kill anyone who said it straight to him – and tears clinging to his eyelashes.
"The fuck are you both doing?"
They both stopped their antics to look at the source of the voice, locking onto Spencer standing above them giving them an incredulous look, his eyebrows rising as high as they could.
Tala snatched the opportunity and pushed the other away, regaining himself and standing up, trying to take in as much air as he could all the while still chuckling just to piss Bryan off.
Bryan made ready to lunge at him again, but Spencer came forward and grabbed his collar, preventing him from reaching Tala.
"Enough of your childish bickering, try to act your age for once, Tala, please try to act like the captain you are, and Bryan, you are older than him, should have some more sense," he lectured them.
The two glared at each other.
"Now, lunch is ready, and you're going to get it only if you don't act like toddlers and start fighting once again, got it?"
They continued with the eye battle.
"Got it?"
Thankfully, they stopped and looked at him, giving curt nods before taking themselves to the kitchen.
Spencer sighed exasperatedly. Never once had they acted so irresponsibly, so childishly, in the abbey, but then again, that place never gave them a chance to. He didn't know if he was happy or not with that specific change. While he agreed that it was better having them like this than being all gloomy and bitchy, he could do with some peace. God, he already felt so old…
"Yes"
"Are you sure, Kai? They may need you here," an old voice spoke his concerns.
"I am, though I will ask them, but I'm sure they are old enough to take care of themselves, and if things come to it, and they agree, I'll bring them along"
He looked into his eyes with a firmness, which the old man knew meant that he wasn't going to budge from his decisions.
"Okay, my boy, as you wish," he said, giving a comforting pat on the teen's shoulder.
"Have a safe journey, Mr. Dickenson," with that, he bowed slightly to the man and turned around, finding his way smoothly through the never diminishing crowd of the airport.
Mr. Dickenson watched him before he disappeared, a slight doubt in his mind that things were not going to go so smoothly.
Kai got into the cab that was already waiting for him, leaning his head against the freezing window to soothe his headache which he seemed to have become a permanent companion of.
He sighed.
As the cab went closer and closer to his destination, he felt almost afraid?
He didn't know what the others reactions were going to be. He wanted them to understand, to believe him, to know that he still cared.
What if they didn't like his decision? What if they threw him out of their life? What if things got exactly opposite to how he wanted them to be?
He groaned with frustration, his life was such a mess.
He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. What's the worst that could happen? They would kick him out? Seemed ironic when he was the one providing for them, but no, he had already said that they didn't need to owe him.
He was overthinking. Tala would surely understand. He knew him the best, he'd listen, he'd not think that he was betraying them or something, surely?
At the end, he didn't know.
He was so caught up in his thoughts fighting one another, that he didn't notice the cab had stopped, before the driver informed him.
He hurriedly took himself out and paid the fare, before taking himself up to the front door of their house.
He hesitated before pressing the doorbell, silently going over the possible scenarios that could happen, before finally pushing it.
Seconds later, Spencer opened the door, giving him a small smile and letting him in, calling Tala and Bryan.
Kai took himself to the nearest couch and sat down, his body tense and nervous, as he bit his lip.
"Kai, you're back?"
He looked up to see the redhead standing beside him, his excited tone showing that he had been waiting for him. Bryan came up behind him and sat down on the adjacent couch, while Tala sat down next to him.
The red eyebrows creased into a frown as Tala noticed the awkwardness radiating from Kai.
"What's wrong?"
Kai shook his head slightly, looking down at his hands, not knowing where to even start.
It would have been a bit easier if it were just Tala, but now Bryan was sitting right next to them, and he didn't want to admit, but he felt a bit intimidated.
Spencer came over and stood next to him, asking him if he had another headache.
"I'm fine, Spence. I-"
Shit, now all three of them were looking at him.
He lifted his eyes to look at Tala.
"I have to tell you something."
The blue orbs filled with worry, as expected.
"You're acting weird, Kai. What is it?"
"I uh- well, I-" he stopped, good, now Bryan was eyeing him suspiciously.
"I had to say that, well-"
He took a deep breath and calmed himself, mentally slapping himself for being a stuttering mess.
"Okay fine, I had to tell you that I need to have my education completed in order to properly take care of my family's property."
"And, what's wrong with that?" Tala didn't get it, if he needed to finish his studies, he could. Why was he acting so nervous as if it was some illegal thing?
"Nothing's wrong with that, except... for the fact that I will have to go to Japan for that," he looked down again, not daring to meet their eyes.
Silence continued on for a while before,
"Are you leaving us?"
He winced, Tala's voice was full of sadness, but it felt like needles pricking into his heart. He stayed quiet, knowing this was the moment he had been dreading.
"Kai?"
He slowly lifted his head, looking at the redhead guiltily, before answering, "Yes"
Tala looked like he had been punched in the heart, and not in a good way.
"But why not here? Why do you need to go to another country for that?" his voice was sounding desperate.
"I started it there, Tala, so it would be better if I finish it there too," he said lamely, still not daring to meet their eyes.
"That's more of an excuse than a reason," Tala was looking at him with those pleading eyes again, damn, he knew he was going to mess this up.
He took another deep breath before looking at the redhead.
"Fine, I'll say the truth then, I just can't live here, not yet"
"Why?"
He gulped nervously, God knew he was not good with talking and stuff.
"I-"
He didn't know how to say it, it was too pitiful, too unlike him, too weak, so he settled for silence.
The others interpreted it as a fact that he didn't want to admit it out loud that he didn't want to live with them.
Tala looked expectantly at him for a few seconds before his face hardened, eyes turning cold as he stood up.
"Pack up guys, we're leaving this place," he let out flatly with his back turned to him.
"No, wait, Tala," he grabbed his wrist, pulling him around to make him look at him.
"Tala, please, at least listen to me," he pleaded.
Tala shook his hand away, before giving him a blank look.
"What was the purpose of this all, Hiwatari? You were trying to play with us, weren't you?"
"No Tal, that's not it"
"Then why, huh? Why the fuck do you have to leave? Is it that you're missing your brat pack?"
It would have been easier to deal with if Tala had been angry, but he wasn't angry, he wasn't sad, he was, blank, he had turned his cold façade on him, which he only did for ones he didn't trust.
The thought almost made him panic.
"The asshole has no fucking answer. I knew it, Tala, he was already being shady, after all, what does he even care about us? Once a traitor, always a traitor," Bryan spat at him, giving him a murderous glare before coming upto him and grabbing his collar.
"Spit it out, Hiwatari, what was with the fucking drama? The fuck did you get out of betraying us, again?"
Kai's eyes dulled in defeat. The thing he had feared the most had happened, he hadn't wanted to give them the impression of being betrayed, but obviously, that was the first thing that came to their minds when they heard the word 'leaving'.
Bryan didn't seem to like his silence, throwing him down before giving him a hard punch on the face.
He did not speak, his words caught up in his throat as the falcon rained down more fists on him, blood spilling down his mouth.
He wanted to speak, to make Bryan stop, to prevent him from hitting him, but his body wasn't responding, he couldn't move his arms, it was almost as if he was frozen. He fell limp as the other kept up his assault.
His eyes blurred, what had he done? They did not want him anymore, did not trust him anymore, thought he was betraying him, they didn't listen, they didn't understand, he was all alone again…
Unknown to him, a tear fell down his closed eyes, making its way down his left cheek.
He was losing his sense, he wasn't fully aware anymore of what was happening around him, his mind was conjuring up the old memories, which were dragging his consciousness to the brink of insanity.
Dark deadly cold stone walls were around him, where his screams seemed to be caught, with no one hearing them. He could feel shivers running down his spine, the freezing wind accompanying the deadly silence overwhelming his senses, his back against an ice-cold wall, a long corridor, endlessly spreading out on both sides, the darkness giving away the danger lying beyond it. He was losing himself into a painful memory of the past.
Tala's eyes widened as Kai grew completely still, not reacting to any of Bryan's hits, just lying there and taking it all, before noticing the tear running down his face and the shuddered breathing.
He had seen this before.
"Bryan stop!!" he yelled before pushing the other away, taking a hold of Kai, shaking him vigorously to snap him out of whatever painful memory that he had become caught in.
"Kai, open your eyes, KAI!" he let out worriedly, watching as more tears fell down the pale cheeks and the bluenette curled into himself.
Spencer rushed to him and handed him a glass of water, which he took gratefully and splashed the cold liquid on the boy's face, frown deepening when it seemed to have no effect on him.
He turned to glare at Bryan, cold eyes digging holes into him.
"Who the fuck told you to fucking hit him?!!" he yelled at him again, before once again shaking Kai, before cradling his upper body in his arms.
Kai struggled, still not aware of the reality, trying to get out of the redhead's grip, the memory still not leaving him from its merciless clutches.
He whispered the name of the slate-haired boy again and again, softly patting his cheek, willing him to shake out of his mind.
Bryan kneeled down next to him, watching guiltily on as the redhead tried to wake the other up.
Tala was shaking now, his face contorted in worry as he tried, without succeeding to get the other back, his voice turning frantic as Kai still didn't seem to hear him.
It had never been this bad before, sure, Kai had at times slipped into some past memory, struggling to get out of it, but it usually lasted a few seconds. Now though, he seemed to be stuck too deep into his mind's tricks that he couldn't acknowledge him.
"If something happens to him, Bryan, I'm gonna kill you," he snarled hatefully at the falcon, who stayed silent.
Suddenly, the crimson eyes opened wide, a look of terror apparent in them, as if he had seen a ghost, before he sat himself upright, taking in deep and hurried breaths, looking hurriedly around, before finally noticing the others.
"Kai! Fuck's sake, you scared me" Tala threw his arms around his shoulders, holding him close, feeling the tenseness of the other, still not over his visit back memory line.
"W-what happened?" he asked shakily, the events before he blacked out slowly catching up to him.
Tala glared at Bryan, daring him to say a word, before taking Kai back to the couch where they had sat earlier.
"Nothing, you slipped into some past memory again," the redhead answered, leaving out the fact that it was Bryan because of whom it had occurred.
"Oh," he let out, embarrassed that the others had seen him.
"Are you okay now?"
He nodded his head slowly, still trying to get his breathing to calm down again, cringing inside at his pathetic condition. Why couldn't his mind for once listen to him? Why couldn't he have any fucking control over his own goddamned body?
It was like the whole world was against him.
Tala handed him a glass of water, and pushed it towards his mouth, urging him to drink it.
He took a few hesitant sips, his hands still trenbling slightly.
"Will you visit us?"
"Huh?" he had been caught in his self-pity that he hadn't exactly heard what the other had said.
"I said, if you go to Japan, will you visit us sometime?"
He looked deep into the blue eyes, and found no hatred there, instead, the pale face was calm, and understanding.
"O-of course. Of course, I will," he whispered out.
"That's fine then. C'mon let's have dinner, I'm freaking hungry."
Kai raised an eyebrow in confusion.
"Wait, aren't you mad at me?" he asked, still not understanding what had caused this sudden change in the other.
The redhead smirked at him, before putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Why, you don't like it when I'm not mad at you?" the redhead's smirked widened, before he got up and left, dragging Bryan and Spencer along with him.
Kai stared after him, still puzzled as to why Tala was acting like nothing had happened.
Kai opened the door to Tala's bedroom and went cautiously inside, stepping slowly towards the bed where the redhead lay on his side, his back towards him.
"Tal?" he let out a whisper in the still of the room.
Tala lifted his head, two bright cerulean orbs staring at him in the darkness.
Kai went closer, and sat on the edge of the bed.
Tala looked enquiringly at him.
Kai opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again, instead settling for a safer question.
"Why?"
Tala shifted closer to him, wrapping an arm around his back, and stared into his crimson eyes.
"It's the nightmares, isn't it?" he said softly.
Kai's eyes widened with shock before he nodded almost shyly, gazing out the window.
"How?"
Tala smiled, before shrugging his shoulders.
Kai scoffed, "I take it I'm already an open book to you?"
Tala grinned, "Something like that."
Kai relaxed, leaning his weight on Tala, still staring into space.
"They have become even worse than before now…," he muttered out.
"I know"
"You won't be mad if I go to Japan?" he asked, the question nagging him too much that he couldn't resist the urge to ask.
"Not mad, per se, I am not really happy with that, but guess, whatever's the best for you at the moment."
"What about the others?"
"I'll explain everything to them, they will have no other option than to accept you again, after all, I'm the team captain, I make the decisions"
Kai nodded before looking at him again.
"I also owe my team"
Tala rolled his eyes.
"I get that you don't like them, and I don't either, but they have helped me a lot, and it was mostly due to them that the abbey's down. If it hadn't been for them, you guys wouldn't have been defeated, and Boris would still have been alive."
Tala looked away, his arm around his shoulders getting a little tense.
"Just this year, Tala, then I'm back for good," he put his hand on the other's knee.
Tala looked back at him, staring intensely into his eyes to search for any form of a lie or betrayal, but found none.
"Fine, but just this year"
"Da, and after the World Championships, I'll be back, and will live here with you guys."
Tala nodded and pulled him closer, wrapping his arm around him too and lay his chin on his shoulder.
"I'll miss you"
"Me too"
Tala chuckled.
"What"
"You sound so cheeky," he giggled, humor shining in his smiling eyes.
Kai whacked his head, glaring at him.
"You started it," he growled at him, before standing up.
Tala laughed again and pulled him down, laying him next to him and pulling the covers over both of their bodies.
Kai raised an eyebrow.
"What? You are gonna go anyway, might as well spend more time together."
"We're gonna sleep anyways. What does it matter if I'm here or in the other room?"
Tal huffed in annoyance, muttering out a "fine" before turning around and facing the other way.
Kai smirked, before shifting himself closer and circling an arm around Tala, burying his face in his red hair, his body relaxing and breathing becoming slow.
He knew that these were probably the last moments he'd have with the other, before he left. But he loved watching him getting mad over little things, it was kind of adorable. And it was also weird that he, The Kai Hiwatari, even thought of things as adorable. But try as he might, he couldn't keep up his cold façade on in the presence of these boys, especially the redhead, it was almost like he became a new person the moment he and Tala were alone. A better, happier person.
He didn't know how he was going to deal with the shit that was waiting for him in Japan now that the redhead wouldn't be with him. It was amusing as to how much dependent he had become on the other for his mental wellness in the few days they had been together.
If he were honest with himself, he wasn't too happy with the idea of leaving them either, the few days that he had lived with them had made him believe that this was the kind of life he was always yearning for.
He didn't care much about the money, either, but the thought that it could go into wrong hands scared him, he didn't want another repeat of history. His family name had already become quite infamous. So he did need to become able to handle it correctly.
And living in this country wasn't easy, everything here reminded him of his painful past, memories flooding into his mind at the worst times, nightmares haunting him in the dead of the night, the cold unnerving him, the thought that his life was not a reality but a dream making him panic.
Sure, the memory gain had helped him get his friends, his family back, but he could definitely do without the dreadful reminders of his torture filled life years ago.
The nightmares were too frequent that he was even afraid to sleep, spending nights staring at the ceiling and resisting the urge to close his eyes.
He didn't want to admit to them, but he was scared.
He had finally gotten to the point where life was being a bit merciful at him, he didn't want to go back to square one.
He didn't want to become trapped in the horrific darkness and never be able to come out...
His hold on the redhead tightened, at least there was someone who understood him, who cared for him, who he knew would always be waiting for him.
He knew the redhead had fallen asleep, but he still whispered out softly, his voice loud against the silence that filled the room.
"I promise, Tal, I'll be back. After all, I wouldn't be able to live without you…"
Thanks for reading!