Chapter 108

Secret's Revealed

With everything Lily had learnt so far, she was beginning to understand how and why Voldemort was the way he was, and why her life had, up until now, led the path she had. Over the last few years, she had often wondered why she had been made to grow up as a muggle.

She had wanted to know why she couldn't have been told the truth growing up, but also been trusted to keep everything secret and safe. Now, of course, she understood. Voldemort hadn't actually been dead, and only Dumbledore had really known it for certain, yet even he hadn't been sure how.

But understand Voldemort and his followers was giving Lily a new outlook. Had she been raised in the magical world, it would have been harder to keep her safe, especially with Death Eaters looking for her. Had she been a part of the magical world, someone would have been able to track her. But hiding as a muggle, she'd been able to remain hidden from anyone who'd have wanted to hurt her.

She understood it, but it still confused her in some regards. How could anyone have tracked her when she was younger? There were still a lot of questions, mostly she wanted to know about Horcruxes, and what Voldemort was using to keep himself alive.

She had suspected that was why he had wanted the Goblet, or the locket. It was also bothering her that she was sure she had seen the damned locket somewhere, but she had no idea where.

Hermione was keeping busy with both Nicolette and Gabrielle having started to attend Hogwarts. Lily barely saw Nicolette, who had been sorted into Ravenclaw, but Gabrielle was in Gryffindor, and loved talking to Lily about the future, and about her studies.

There was still so much more to do, and of course Lily needed to find a way to speak to Slughorn, but she never got the chance to, which she figured meant he wasn't giving her a chance.

When she had some spare time, Lily was in the library with Ginny, studying for their exams as well. Ginny was taking her O.W.L's that year, so she needed to focus, and Lily wanted to help her, so they spent as much time as they could quizzing one another.

With her hormone treatment, Lily was also feeling more confident and comfortable with herself. She was, as Ron had so indelicately put it, growing outward properly, and looked very feminine (as Hermione had delicately put it), which was giving her waves of euphoria. She had gotten new clothes, and even wore dresses at the weekend, just because she could, and it felt nice to.

Katie Bell had finally been released from St. Mungo's, though sadly she hadn't been able to shed any light on what had happened. She remembered going to the bathroom at the Three Broomsticks, but she didn't remember anything after that.

The best part of the year, though, was when two Slytherin's had cornered her, but they had swiftly been stunned by Draco, who had officially joined Gryffindor House, though for the time being he was still staying in the small apartment like area with Pansy. The year had been trying for Draco, but he and Lily had become firm friends in the year, which was something Lily had been appreciative of.

There was still something that was bothering Lily though; why hadn't there been any other attacks? Was the attacker trying to lay low, or was there something else in play that she wasn't seeing? Meeting with the Order of the Dragon weekly hadn't turned up any leads, but they were still determined to find out who was leading the attacks, though Dobby hadn't been able to spot Zabini doing anything untoward.

Lily knew she wasn't wrong about Zabini, he was definitely behind everything, but how was he escaping detection? Did he know that he was being followed, or was someone else directing him somehow?

"Lily, if you keep obsessing over this, it'll drive you insane," Draco said, one Saturday afternoon. "Look, we'll find out what's going on. For now, you've got a more important task to take care of."

"Slughorn's not giving me a chance to speak to him. Any of you having any luck?" Lily asked.

"No, and he's stopped having the Slug Club lunches. I think he knows we're all trying to help," Draco replied.

"How the hell are we supposed to do this? We're having nothing but bad luck," Ron said, before a grin crossed his face. "Bloody hell, I'm an idiot."

"We know that, but why do you think that now?" Ginny teased, prompting a round of laughter from the rest of the group as they sat outside.

"Luck! Lily, you've got that luck potion from Slughorn, just use that!" Ron exclaimed.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Hermione asked, looking distraught. "Ron, that's brilliant."

"I have my moments," Ron said, grinning.

"You really do," Lavender agreed, before kissing him.

"I won't even need that much, just a small amount," Lily agreed. "It won't be difficult if that stuff's as powerful as Slughorn said."

"What about doing it today?" Pansy suggested.

"Might be an idea," Lily agreed. "We'll handle it later. I want to make sure we're all ready, in case we need to go hunting for this Horcrux Voldemort's made."

"I've done a lot of research on them, but I think the hardest part is going to be finding it. It could literally be anything; he could have made it from a grain of sand and left it on the beach," Hermione said.

"No, it'd be something important, but definitely difficult to find," Lily replied. "But we should know more after I get that memory."

"Any idea about Dumbledore? Is he still looking… you know…" Draco's voice trailed off.

"He seems strong enough, but his hand is still… well, it still looks dead," Lily replied grimly. "I'm hoping for the best."

"We all are," Pansy said. "If he does… well, soon, the world will be looking at you, Lily."

"I'm not looking forward to that. I'm still not comfortable with the idea that I have to kill him," Lily said. "Still, if it's a choice between me and him, I choose me every time."

"We all do, Lily," Draco told her. "Look, it's been a hell of a year so far, but if you and I can become friends, then anything's possible."

"Hell, he's not wrong there," Ron agreed, chuckling. "We've spent years hating each other, and now here we are, hanging out together and fighting side by side."

"Let's focus on tonight. If Lily's gonna get the memory, we should all be awake and ready to hear what it's about," Draco said.

"Agreed. We need to be ready," Hermione concurred. They stopped as they saw Demelza Robbins running over to them.

"Demelza, everything okay?" Lily asked.

"Yeah, just been asked to get you. Professor Snape wants to see you in his office," Demelza replied.

"Snape does?" Lily asked. "Did he say why?"

"No, just that you were to come alone," Demelza said.

"Sure, that doesn't sound suspicious at all, does it?" Draco asked.

"It shouldn't be a huge problem, it's only Snape," Lily said, before pausing. "I can't believe I just said that."

"It's not something I'd have ever expect from you," Hermione admitted.

"I'll be back soon," Lily said, smiling as she headed back to the castle. She knew the others were following at a distance, though they were trying to hide. She decided to let them think they were being secretive as she went to Snape's office.

"You asked to see me, Professor?" Lily asked.

"Potter. Please, take a seat," Snape said, indicating the only desk in the room, whilst most of the room was cleared. "We have several things to discuss today, and it's going to be… difficult for you to hear."

"Professor?" Lily asked, concerned as she took a seat. Snape looked… Lily wasn't sure how he was looking, but he did look paler than usual.

"This year is going to end…in a difficult, and dark, way," Snape began. "You will struggle to understand so much, but it must be that way."

"What way?" Lily asked, her mind racing. Was this about Dumbledore? About Voldemort? Something else?

"I can't explain, and you would not understand, but you will find yourself feeling… lost, alone, and angry. I can't do anything to alleviate that, but there is a spell I wish you to learn, and something you must know," Snape said, the door to the room locking. Lily felt the hairs on the back of her neck standing up slightly, as though there was an electrical field of some kind covering them.

"No one will be spying on us, and you will remain here for now," Snape said. "To begin with, what I am going to tell you is something… I debated against telling you."

"Why?" Lily asked.

"Because I was concerned you would not understand it," Snape replied, staring at her. "I know of your lessons with Dumbledore, and I feel like you need to know this. However, what we discuss today, you can speak of to no one, except, perhaps, Miss Weasley, as the bond you have will make it impossible for her not to know."

"I'm not going to like this, am I?" Lily asked.

"No," Snape replied bluntly. "Tell me, what do you know of your parent's deaths?"

Lily took a deep breath, seeing a glass of pineapple juice on the desk. She looked at Snape, who nodded, and she took a sip, finding it cold and refreshing.

"I know Voldemort was hunting them, and Pettigrew was his spy that led him to them," Lily replied. "I also know Pettigrew framed Uncle Remus for it."

"Indeed," Snape confirmed. "Is that all you know?"

Lily looked at him. Did Snape know of the prophecy? Would Dumbledore have told him? Lily wasn't sure, but she saw a look in Snape's eyes at her hesitation.

"You are fully aware of why they were targeted, then," Snape stated. Lily took a breath and nodded.

"Yes, I know what he was told," Lily confirmed. Snape clearly knew; there wasn't a point in hiding it.

"Then the time has come for you to know the rest," Snape said. He looked… was that a hint of regret? "The Dark Lord's spy was listening, in disguise, to what Trelawney was telling Dumbledore that day. He thought he would be able to curry favour with the Dark Lord but didn't hear all of it. What he heard, however, was enough for him to tell his master."

"Which he did, and Voldemort came after them," Lily replied.

"Yes. Over the last few years, you have learnt more of my past than I would wish anyone to know, including… my feelings towards your mother," Snape said.

"You loved her." It wasn't a question, but a statement. Lily knew how Snape had felt, thanks to Sirius and Remus

"Since we were children. I despised your father, for many reasons," Snape confirmed.

"He was a bully to you. Everyone told me how good of a man he was, but when he was younger, he… he was a jerk," Lily said, tears threatening to well up. She had never wanted to accept that about her father, but she couldn't deny it. Even Uncle Sirius and Uncle Remus had been jerks when they were younger, especially to Snape.

For the briefest of moments, Lily saw shock cross Snape's face. Clearly, he hadn't expected her to say that.

"He was," Snape agreed. "And when you started here, I felt you were much like him. Since your transition, you have… taken on more aspects of your mother, which is… very wise."

"I learnt all about her as I transitioned, and it felt right to be like her. After I learnt how… arrogant my father could be, I wanted to get rid of the hate I felt. I love my parents, but… I wanted to be myself, and I couldn't hate, not anymore," Lily explained.

"A feeling I wish I had shared," Snape shocked her by saying. This… was this really happening? Was she dreaming? Asleep? Or something else?

"I… I don't understand why you're mentioning this now," Lily said softly. Snape looked at her.

"When the Dark Lord's spy realised what conclusion he had drawn from the prophecy, he found a way to leave his service, because he realised the mistake he had made," Snape said.

Lily looked at Snape, and opened her mouth to speak, before realising how dry her mouth was, and how her heart was racing.

She felt… no, it couldn't be, could it? She didn't want to believe it, but the look on Snape's face confirmed her darkest fear in that moment. She didn't know what to say, or what to think, or feel.

She felt tears running down her cheek. After what she had just said about hate… a part of her felt that hate returning, but she couldn't let it show. She just couldn't… she couldn't give in to the anger and the rage she felt.

But how could she respond? How could she react? Why the hell was Snape telling her this? What was happening? She felt dizzy, and lightheaded.

"Y… you…" she croaked, unable to say anything else. Snape met her gaze.

"Yes, Lily," Snape said, using her first name for perhaps the first time ever. He genuinely looked remorseful. "I did not realise he would take it to mean your parents, and even asked for your mother's life to be spared."

"You…" Lily repeated. Snape nodded and confirmed her fear.

"I was the one who betrayed your parents to Lord Voldemort!"

Lily didn't know how long passed with her staring at Snape, but she felt tears rolling down her eyes. Why was he telling her this? Why was this happening? Why had Dumbledore trusted Snape?

"The night of your parent's murder, I reached their house first. I knew where they lived, after being told by the Dark Lord. He had made his spy, who we now know was Pettigrew, write down the address, so he could ensure his followers would be there if he needed to summon them" Snape explained. "I went there with the intention to protect your mother. I did not care for your father, but if protecting him meant saving your mother, then it was something I would gladly do," Snape explained.

"You were… too late," Lily croaked. In that instance, she felt something stirring inside of her. For a moment, she was back in the house, in the crib, standing up, and saw Snape crying as he held her mother in his arms, rocking gently.

"You… you were crying, and holding her," Lily found her voice, though it was weak.

"You remember?" Snape asked.

"Barely," Lily answered, not holding back her tears. "But you were there, then you hid."

"Your uncle arrived, and I had to hide. I watched him take you from the house and left. I followed Hagrid and found where you were," Snape explained. "I have watched you for years. Dumbledore said how important you would be, and for your mother, I kept an eye on you, from a distance. When you were seven, a Death Eater found you. Your aunt Minerva was visiting, and they would have been taken by surprise. I had no choice but to act, and I killed the Death Eater. I watched him die, then destroyed his body, moments before your aunt and uncle came out. I barely managed to make myself invisible, but they were content, thinking they were just being paranoid."

Snape had been protecting her all her life? How had she not realised or known? Or had she? She had seen someone watching her at times when she was younger but had ignored it. Now, with everything she was being told, somehow everything was making sense to her.

"You… you were there when I was almost hit by a car, when I was nine. It… it stopped suddenly," Lily recalled.

"I froze it," Snape confirmed. "The driver didn't understand how, but I watched as you were shaken, yet safe. I would not let harm come to you."

"And in my first year, Hermione set fire to your cloak, thinking you were cursing me, when you were protecting me," Lily said. "Quirrell was cursing my broom, because Voldemort was inhabiting his body."

"Indeed. I didn't know why Quirrell was attacking you, but I couldn't let you die. Lily would never have forgiven me if I had done nothing," Snape confessed. "You also… heard my voice that night, last year, when confronting Umbridge."

"It was you! You told me she had sent the Dementors?" Lily asked. Snape nodded and knelt in front of her.

"I would have chosen not to tell you all of this, but things are happening faster than I can predict. By the end of the year, you will hate me, and rightly so," Snape said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "But what will happen must happen, and at the right time, you will know why."

"Why tell me this now?" Lily asked.

"You have grown wiser than I could have predicted, and perhaps that Aura of yours has had an effect on me as well, but there are things you must know, and things you can't know. I have a spell to teach you, a dangerous one of my own creation, one you will need to learn," Snape explained.

Lily nodded softly and looked at him. "Why will I hate you?"

"If you do not hate me after what I have said, you will when this year has ended. The important thing is that you will need to hate me, you will need to come after me, to attack me, and you will need to turn others against me," Snape explained. "It will make sense eventually, but no one can truly know of this conversation, or anything we have discussed. Promise me you will keep to this."

"Sir, I…" Lily met his gaze, and took a breath. "I… I promise," she said softly.

"Thank you," Snape said. He handed her a handkerchief, which she used to dry her eyes, before he stood up. "Now, the spell you are about to learn is an attack curse called Sectumsempra," Snape said, before he began to explain more about it.

"Not gonna lie, that doesn't make… any sense at all," Ginny said, looking at Lily. The two of them were alone in the Room of Requirement, sitting on a couch.

"I don't… I don't understand any of this myself," Lily said. "He said I could tell you, because our bond would mean no one could learn it from you."

"I don't feel comfortable hiding anything from the others… but I guess we have to," Ginny said, holding Lily's hand. "How are you feeling?"

"I… I don't know," Lily admitted. "I just… I feel so dizzy and strange."

"Can't say I blame you," Ginny pulled Lily into a hug. "I don't get why he'd tell you all of this now."

"Neither do I. Does he want me to trust him? Is he going to be an enemy? What's going on with him?" Lily asked.

"As much as I hate to say it, I'm not sure we'll actually know," Ginny said. "Don't worry about Slughorn tonight, deal with it next weekend. Focus on yourself today," she said, stroking Lily's hair softly. "I love you, Lily."

"I love you too," Lily told her, resting her head on Ginny's shoulder. "I don't know where I'd be without you."

"Lost, probably," Ginny teased, smiling as they stretched out on the couch. "I won't ever let you be alone, Lily. I don't know why Snape told you this now, but I'm here, and I'm going nowhere. I'm ready to give up anything and everything if it means keeping you safe. Whatever happens, we'll get through it together, I promise."

"Thank you, Ginny. I'm glad I've got you," Lily said, closing her eyes.

Ginny held onto Lily and watched as she fell asleep, whilst stroking Lily's hair. She had no idea what was happening, but she knew something strange was occurring. Why had Snape told her what he had done?

In that moment, Ginny wanted to speak to someone, but she knew she couldn't really tell anyone about what Lily had told her. How would she even begin?

Did this have something to do with Dumbledore? Or Voldemort and the Horcrux? Something weird was happening, but they were being kept in the dark. Why? Why was everything happening, and why was it happening to her Lily?

Ginny held onto Lily, and sighed, before yawning. She needed to rest as well, and closed her eyes, deciding to sleep there with Lily. It was comfortable, and safe, and mentally she told the room to protect them from everyone. They had said they were going to the room of requirement, and they wouldn't be back for a while.

As she began to fall asleep, Ginny knew that she would keep her promise to Lily. Nothing would stand in the way of protecting the woman she loved.

Not even death itself.