A/N: Part three of The Ring. I decided to cut it off right at the end of the episode. It was a more natural break. We have a few chapters of the in between that pick up after the last scene in season 2. Just a few wtf's here. We know the whole second wedding in four hours was crazy...but that's what it was. The same day. What an epic day. They're in Castle, the Buy More, first wedding, and second wedding...all before sunset! Wow. I always wonder how much Chuck's check was for. I guessed, hopefully that was a reasonable amount in 2009. So much yelling at the tv, saying what we wanted them to say to each other, cursing about why they don't. Chuck is convinced she's leaving because she chose Bryce over him, and like I've stated here, she never corrected that thinking in him. Why doesn't she tell him she decided to stay? I tried to explain that with her thoughts. She didn't know if he thought of her as part of a normal life. She didn't know how to tell him how she felt. She chose the wrong words. Like "Gone" instead of "Gone without me." I have watched that dancing scene sooo many times. She says "I want to-" I added the s, because if you are reading her lips, she was about to say "stay" before Stephen interrupts. Watch it, you'll never unsee it. lol. No one knew Bryce was there (Sarah doesn't see him while she's dancing with Chuck) but no one questioned Stephen's info. Sarah takes off in a dash because she is worried about Casey. Her lines are clear. We are to believe that in Castle, Miles found out where the secret location was. That's the only explanation for "if they know about Bryce, they know about Casey." And then Stephen just lets Chuck go, no questions asked, and he can't follow? Explained that as best I could. It's brushed over, but that must have been awful for Sarah...finding what she found in Castle. She had to have believed Casey was dead. She had to have found him unconscious, or he would have let someone know. Why not call for backup before they go? Because show, duh. Something that protected has no failsafe against a ductwork invasion? Really? We are teetering at the edge of misery and about to go over. Hang on, friends. Season 3 is upon us.
What happened next was nothing short of a miracle. Ellie's first wedding was ruined by 1:30 in the afternoon, and by sunset the same day, her second wedding was all set up. I've planned a wedding myself, even if it did also get sidetracked, albeit in a different way. Knowing that, I marvel at what we did.
Once the challenge was accepted, we got to work. Chuck mentioned that when he had spoken to his sister earlier, she had let it slip that the big fancy wedding she had planned was not her dream wedding, rather a compromise she made for family, that is, Devon's family.
Chuck's idea was to then give Ellie her dream wedding. On the beach, casual, with an intimate, close group.
We divided up the tasks. Chuck enlisted Casey and his unit of marines to secure the venue. I took care of re-dressing the bride, bridesmaids and groom and groomsmen. Chuck said he would handle the reception. He took the pay package the US government had issued to him for services rendered, all $75,000 of it, and made everything happen.
Chuck paid for everything—the last minute rights for the beach and the entire set up, including chairs, flowers, and the justice of the peace; the food, decorations and entertainment at the reception, as well as the reservation of the courtyard space; all of the wardrobe pieces to replace what had been ruined by the sprinklers. He spent every last dime of what he had…for his sister.
Everyone sort of separated and worked on their own tasks. I heard Casey calling people, using national security as his reasoning, as well as the orders he gave his men, while I was in Castle after Chuck left to see about Echo Park.
My job was easiest, since I used the wardrobe function we had as part of Castle. We had to reimburse the government since it wasn't mission related, but it made something that would have been impossible a piece of cake. I got sizes and told Ellie I would go shopping.
It wasn't until after Ellie learned the truth about me that I told her where her wedding dress and our bridesmaid dresses came from. She laughed once she knew the truth, but at this time she marveled at how lucky I had been at the mall, and how perfectly everything fit.
Bryce was in Castle, hiding out, waiting to leave in the morning. He left me mostly alone, which was easier. I didn't want to talk about leaving any more than I already had. I didn't want to get into what had happened between Chuck and me at the church. Bryce did, however, ask me if I was ok. He said I seemed…uneasy.
Considering how far apart he and I were on the inside, I thought that was surprisingly perceptive of him to notice my emotional state. Nevertheless, he didn't know me well enough anymore to know what he called uneasy was just…sad. He had never really seen me sad, I realized. I was only sad after he left me in Mexico.
He wanted to make sure I would still be ready to go in the morning. I assured him I would, despite the fact that a little voice inside my head started to question why. Bryce told me they were uploading the Intersect later that night. He left me with an earwig, tuned to his, telling me he would be monitoring the ceremony just in case.
It bothered me a little that he would have access to me, sort of eavesdropping on my last moments alone with Chuck. But the job required it, so I didn't argue.
The ceremony was beautiful, the first real wedding I had ever witnessed. Ellie was so happy, like the sun was inside her and beaming out through her eyes and her smile. I was watching her dreams come true. Chuck and Stephen walked her down the aisle. Chuck smiled at me as he approached–and I felt my heart skip a beat.
The entire time the justice of the peace was talking, my eyes wandered. Ellie and Devon were holding hands, exchanging rings, and their bodies created a perfect edging for me. My eyes kept drifting to Chuck, framed perfectly by his sister and Devon.
Chuck's soft smile, his adoration for his sister, all shone on his face. And then he looked at me. HIs eyes went straight through me, into my soul. Chuck was my dream come true.
What was wrong with me? I loved him. He was absolutely everything to me—the sun, the moon, the stars…everything.
I don't know what shone on my face. I only know I was looking straight at Chuck and thinking those things, feeling those things. Whatever was showing, Bryce could see on my face through his binoculars over 500 yards away.
He spoke through the earwig. "You're not coming with me, are you?" There was a sad resignation in his voice.
I touched the earwig, looking in the distance, searching for where he was hiding. He was well concealed, so I just looked where I thought he would see me. I shook my head no, very slightly and without speaking, since I was standing in front of all Ellie's guests.
I didn't know it at the time, but that was the last thing Bryce ever said to me. Does anyone really know…when the last something is the last, as it's happening? Very rarely, I think. It's a sad testimony to this life, a reason to always live life to the fullest, because nothing is granted.
If I had known that it was going to be our last conversation, that only three hours later he would be dead, I would have responded differently. I would have told him I was sorry. I would have thanked him—for not only bringing me to Chuck, but for letting me go. Because that is definitely what he did. I couldn't see his face, but I picture him being happy for me, even if he may have been disappointed.
The girl he had met in Lisbon, the girl he saved in Lisbon, finally found what she needed. What she wanted. What she had once thought she could never have. And yes, Bryce did save me, in his lopsided way. He taught me I was capable of more than just death and destruction. He knew I wasn't quite the same as the other spies.
Bryce saw my decision on my face before I made it. But once it was there, confirmed, I felt like everything changed. My heart felt like a balloon, light and airy and making me feel like I was floating a few inches off the ground.
I could stay. I wanted to stay. My life belonged to me and only me. I had given enough of myself to the CIA as I ever wanted to again.
I could take my life and give it to Chuck. We could have the life we wanted. Anything was possible. Because I was staying.
I would think, based on how amazing the transformation was in me at that moment, that Chuck would have noticed. My smile went from forced to beaming, just like Ellie's. Chuck didn't notice, though. I think he was too sad, overwhelmed with emotion at the thought of me leaving.
Chuck completely missed it. Maybe I hid it better than I knew, old habits dying hard. When I look at that picture of us from Ellie's wedding, in our formal attire on the beach, all I see is pain in Chuck's eyes. He was bracing himself for me leaving, for the pain I was about to cause him.
Ellie said she never liked that picture but she never knew why until we explained what had really been going on behind the scenes. She never displayed that picture prominently; she preferred the posed picture from outside Roan's home. I know why—we're both genuinely happy in that posed photo.
We went from the ceremony to the reception in a whirlwind. It was lots of people, laughter, boisterous happiness that surrounded everyone.
Oddly enough, I stayed mostly to myself, away from the group of people I didn't know. A lot of Ellie's friends and Devon's family. I was close to Ellie and Devon, but they were the guests of honor, so they were mingling, away from where I was standing.
Morgan came and found me, I think because he saw me standing alone while Chuck was busy. He was always so sweet, and here was no different. I wasn't talkative, but he did tell me he had also quit the Buy More and was moving to Hawaii with Anna. I was shocked.
He was delivering a monologue it seemed, talking to me but not expecting a conversation. He was a little nervous, a little unsure about his choices. The only thing I said was asking him if he'd talked to Chuck about it.
He took my advice and left to find his best friend.
Chuck. What to do. About Chuck.
Knowing all that came before and after this moment, I'm sure the nagging question of the hour is…why didn't I just run to Chuck and tell him I was staying, so that I could be with him?
Sounds ridiculously easy right now, but I was in pieces during that reception—happy but nervous, hopeful but terrified. My world was slowly turning upside down and I was trying desperately to keep righting myself. It was a constant internal struggle.
A perfect eloquence was not something I was capable of, but what would have been required here? I felt lost for words. Guess what? Remember that thing I said about leaving with Bryce, when I crushed your heart to dust? Just kidding. I'm going to stay. Surprise!
I know it wasn't really like that. Everything had shifted inside me in a short period of time. I had actually believed what I said when I said it at the church. In four hours, everything was different. There was a way to tell him, I know that. I just didn't know how.
So instead, I told myself I would ease myself into it. We had time. We had all the time in the world. The time I had told him we had when I put him off the night before. (Had that only been last night? I felt like half my life had gone by since then!)
But that was not to be. We had no time left. Unbeknownst to us, time was spiraling down to nothing while we hesitantly moved about each other in an uncertain dance.
Do you ever have those moments that just stay with you? Like, you never forget anything about. You can recall everything every time you think of it, like you're back in that time. Weird for me to say, considering I forgot everything about this time, although this moment was one of the first that I vividly remembered. Once I heard the song.
That song, Three Rounds and a Sound, it's called. Chuck told me that, because I had never heard it before. Whenever I hear it, I'm back there. Leaning in the archway, watching everyone enjoying themselves, wondering how I could tell Chuck what I had decided. He crept up beside me from behind. I remember I smelled his cologne before I saw him.
"Where's Bryce?"
Of course he would ask that. It made everything I wanted to say harder, because he still somewhere inside believed that I had chosen Bryce over him. That the only reason I had stayed so long ago when I had almost left with Bryce was because of my job and now that I didn't have to protect him anymore, I could finally leave with Bryce.
"Gone." I quickly looked over my shoulder at him. I meant gone, as in, gone without me but my easing-into-it plan didn't call for that abrupt an explanation. "They're uploading him with the new computer tonight."
"Off to save the world. I guess both of you are." He sounded so sad, so defeated, it hurt on the inside of my chest.
Now was my chance.
"You want to dance?" I asked him. He smiled, that smile that I love more than anything in the world.
"You know I do." He gave me his arm and led me out to where everyone was dancing.
He took my hand and pulled me close. I remember thinking I had never danced with him, not like that, slow and easy. I was wearing significant heels, so our heads were almost even, but he leaned into me, resting his head against mine. He took an audible breath, like he was breathing me in. I rested my hand on his shoulder and my head against his neck. Being in his arms like that eased that pain in my chest.
"You belong out there, saving the world. I'm just…I'm just not that guy."
"How many times do you have to be a hero to realize that you are that guy?" I wanted him to know that, because he was my hero. It was a quality that ran deep in him, something that was there long before he had ever met me. It was not a condition, not a push for him to do anything he didn't want to do. But he needed to hear it, especially since he thought I had chosen Bryce.
He paused. I heard him swallow, like I had surprised him. "But I want more, Sarah. I want a life. I want a real life."
These few sentences, spoken to me when he thought I was leaving forever in a few hours, burned in my brain indelibly. It would echo in my head for months, on nights when I couldn't get drunk enough to fall asleep, after Chuck had gone and shattered my dreams. Because he swore that was what he wanted…and yet, when it was there for him to take, he walked away from it. From me.
Of course, it wasn't really like that. It was much more complicated, more complex than what I thought, just as what I was trying to tell him here was more complicated and complex than he had ever imagined.
It gave me my perfect segway. I lifted my head from his shoulder. We stopped dancing. I summoned all the courage I had, and told myself I could just tell him the truth.
"Chuck, I don't want to save the world. I want to s–"
Stephen interrupted me.
He came up behind Chuck and said the agent who came for Bryce wasn't CIA. He was talking to me, the spy. He actually grabbed Chuck and moved him to the side. He was talking to me, in his normal stuttering speech pattern, but my brain was slow to comprehend what he was saying.
Bryce was here? Why was he here? His CIA escort was supposed to meet him here? Why? And…his escort wasn't the real CIA? He was Fulcrum?
Chuck asked his father how he could have known all of that. That was when Stephen let it slip that he had an Intersect! He had tested it on himself. Did anyone know that? How was that possible? I could see that he had shocked Chuck as well.
Chuck was immediately concerned for Bryce, that he was in mortal danger.
My main concern, my biggest fear, was for Casey. The only way they could have traced Bryce to Echo Park and intercepted his escort was if they had infiltrated Castle. And Casey was there guarding Roark with his unit. If they had made it all the way to get Bryce…
I ran from the courtyard, with each step picking up speed, terrified of what I would find once I got to Castle.
I know what happened after I left, only because Chuck told me, but later, on the train like he told me everything else. His father told him to stay, that I was the spy.
He told his father that he loved me.
If only he could have said it to me! It's useless to live thinking constantly what-if. It wasn't like I didn't know how he felt. I had always known how he felt. But hearing him say it might have changed my reaction later, might have cured some of that doubt. It wouldn't have changed what happened–nothing would have changed that. I know that now. If Chuck hadn't come with us, done what he did, downloaded the 2.0, we all would have been killed. The world would have become a much less safer place with The Ring having an Intersect. Knowing he loved me wouldn't have stopped that from happening, but I know it would have softened the blow.
Because I spent six months after this day convincing myself that whatever it was he felt for me, it wasn't really love. It couldn't have been, or he wouldn't have walked away. I was wrong, so wrong, but I also had a lot to learn about love. Chuck wasn't done teaching me.
After he said that to his father, I'm sure Orion and Stephen went into an internal battle. Stephen won, it seemed, because he gave Chuck his electronic mapper that he wore on his wrist and let him follow me. He didn't follow Chuck, why I can't begin to imagine. For someone who was so concerned for his son, it seemed careless to send him off to fight The Ring with nothing.
I've mellowed, now that I know everything. I like to believe now that even Orion knew the power of love, what it was capable of. He loved his wife that way, I would learn. Maybe he saw the same determination in Chuck. I hope that was what he saw.
Anyway, I changed in the car and drove like a mad woman to Castle, weaving in and out of traffic, praying the California Highway Patrol wouldn't pull me over. I made it there in record time.
The horror I felt when the door in Orange Orange hissed open is also something that will stay with me all my life. Even from far away, I could smell burned gunpowder and congealed blood–the smell of death. I had tears in my eyes and I could hardly breathe.
Casey is dead. I'm going to find Casey's body. Casey is dead…
My hands and knees were shaking. Blood was pooled all over the floor. Four bodies face down around a round table. It looked like a game of cards had been interrupted.
There were five. One of them was the traitor, and he was gone.
I turned them over one by one, seeing dead eyes clouded and staring at nothing. I was sobbing by the time I was at Casey's body.
His body was warm and pliable when I touched his shoulder. Everything rushed out of me in one overwhelming sob of relief.
I had no idea how it was possible, but Casey was alive. I quickly patted his chest, realizing he hadn't even been shot.
"Walker…" he muttered in confusion, blinking at the light when he opened his eyes. Head injury. He had probably been knocked unconscious. "Damn it…Miles…traitor…Roark dead…Bryce…"
He was groggy, but he knew the gist. I pulled him up to sit. He swayed like he thought the room was spinning. Definite head injury.
"Casey, we have to go after Bryce. Fulcrum has him," I told him urgently. He looked in rough shape, but damn it, I needed his help. Head injury or not.
Lucky for me, Casey was tough as nails and got to his feet, fighting his debilitation, holding an ice pack over the lump on the back of his head. We loaded up in the armory, and Casey looked no worse for wear. I was beyond anxious, feeling that each moment that went by, we were closer to losing.
When we made it upstairs on the way out of the Orange Orange, we ran into Chuck, still in his suit from his sister's wedding. I was surprised to see him, and I had to look away. I felt a thousand miles away from where I had been only a little while ago, ready to tell him I was done being a spy.
I wanted to be done. But…I couldn't walk away. Not when everything was about to go so horribly wrong.
Casey told Chuck to stay, but he refused. That same hero, the one Chuck had denied being to me. He showed us Orion's device and told us we needed him. Casey reluctantly agreed to let him come.
We should have called for back up before we left Castle, but we were racing against time. I was the only one who knew where the computer was housed. Casey filled us in as he drove, following my directions. We weren't sure who was behind all this. Miles told Casey he wasn't Fulcrum. But…he was involved in some nefarious faction of something. He had killed Ted Roark, obviously as a way of tying up a loose end. This was bigger than Fulcrum…and that thought was frightening.
We made it inside to find all the guards already dead. As Casey said, they were already here. We crept up to the computer room door from the hallway. We spotted a group of armed men, one of them dead on the floor. Bullets started flying, at us, and from our guns. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Chuck duck and cover his ears with his palms. He said Bryce must be in the vault.
I told him to go get help. He was only one more potential hazard, a loss, in a gunfight. At least if he left to call tactical, we had a chance. They were always time out, of course; again, we should have called from Castle. But it was the only chance we had. We were hopelessly outnumbered.
Instead of going to get help, Chuck decided to climb through the ductwork into the Intersect room.
Chuck told me about those moments in the vault with Bryce, while Bryce was dying, on the train. We talked about absolutely everything, except my time with the CATS, on that train. Bryce didn't die in Chuck's arms, but he died right in front of Chuck. I can't imagine how awful that was, how life-changing that moment was. I'm glad Chuck was with him, that he didn't die alone. For all that Bryce lived, the hero he wanted to be, his life was lonely, dedicated to service. He saw that loneliness in me the same way that Sam had, saw it because he lived it himself, by choice. Only for him, just like Sam, there was no cure. Only death.
While Casey and I were running out of bullets and being captured, Chuck decided, without Bryce, there was no option but to download the Intersect himself. I know why he did it, I understand it completely now. He heard me, and Beckman, and every other person he trusted in his head telling him that he could do it. He knew the Intersect worked in his head–Bryce knew it. Bryce sent it to him for safe keeping, because he knew Chuck could handle it.
After only being Intersect free for 24 hours, Chuck was the Intersect again. Only what that meant…we would soon find out.
We ran out of bullets. Miles, as Casey called him, grabbed us and tied us up while his associates pulled the security panel from the vault door to disable the lock. It took some time, but they managed to open it. They pushed us inside the room. I couldn't believe that Chuck was there, but, I guess I should have known.
Chuck looked…overcome is the only word I can think of. He motioned hard with his eyes when he saw me. I turned…and saw Bryce, his eyes frozen open in death.
I remember the rest of the incidents in the white room like one would remember a dream. Like it wasn't real, like I wasn't really there. I know I screamed, and they had to pull me away from Bryce's body. Something inside me shattered, seeing him like that. I didn't love him, and he irritated me, bothered me in a lot of ways. But I cared for him and I know he cared for me. He was probably the first person in my life who had ever genuinely cared about me, even if it was in his own way.
Chuck mouthed the words "I'm sorry" to me. He took my reaction as proof of my grief, proof that I had lost someone dear to me.
I remember hearing the conversation, back and forth. Chuck destroyed the computer. But not before he downloaded it. Miles pointed the gun at me…and then Chuck flashed, with the 2.0 Which meant, he had the instant knowledge and skills to fight back. He disarmed six men and then disabled them single handedly in a matter of seconds.
Casey and I were absolutely thunderstruck. I had no idea, and neither did Casey, that the Intersect had been upgraded.
We were about to get a crash course.