Hey, not really a writer, but let's see where this goes! I thought of a fiction based on where Snape says, "Has It Ever Crossed Your Brilliant Mind That I Don't Want To Do This Anymore?" to Dumbledore in HBP would be cool. JKR did say she thinks he would go back to Lily, but JKR also wanted him to be a disgusting character. Large Hooked Nose, Crooked Yellow Teeth, Greasy Hair etc. All things that could be fixed with magic, but aren't (Not that I want his ICONIC nose to go). I don't plan to just create a new magic world and ignore the war, but he will never join a side and will never spy again.
Pushing the memories Potter needs to see into the tear, I slowly exhale. It's over. No more fighting for a cause I no longer care about. No more orders I need to carry out. No more oaths that could lead to a painful death. No more students I need to traumatize to form memories that a balding lunatic can tear through. No more teaching students that I feel the need to traumatize. Last but not least, no more Potter haunting my daily schedule.
Feeling the heat leaving my body and seeping into the floorboards below, my vision gradually fades away. Feeling lighter than I have in years, I slowly accept the inevitable peace. Oblivion. Nothingness. Death. Freedom.
"Snape!"
I feel nothing! I am free! I am at Peace.
"Snape! Wake up!"
I'm at peace...
"Snape, McGonagall's coming. Get up before she docs us points!"
Hearing a familiar voice clear her throat, I sigh. Even in death, I can't get away.
"Perhaps I can interest you in a nicely transfigured four-poster bed. While I'm at it, I'll even add in a pillow, duvet, and an application to drop the dreadfully useless subject if you so wish?"
Rubbing my eyes open, I Look up from a pristine tea cup to a much younger Minerva. Almost like she was 20 years ago when I was a student. Looking back to the teacup, I point my wand at it, "Apologies, can I ask what the class activity was?"
Huffing, she steps aside to let me see the board, "Make the barest effort to participate and read the board. I haven't the time nor the patience for pupils that will not put in the effort."
Glancing at the board, I look back down at the teacup. The board says to tranfigure a beetle into a teapot. Looking back up at her I point to the cup, "It's a teacup."
Feeling the stares of my past classmates, I fight the desire to snort at their attention. Seeing her still glaring at me, I wave my wand and transfigure the teacup into a teapot. Smirking at her, I say "It seems like I misread the board, but I hardly think that a teacup doesn't prove I had participated in some form."
Seeing her smirk back, mine slips away. I've seen that smirk enough to know this stubborn witch has won. Glancing down at the teapot, I confirm it's similar to what the others have. Folding her arms, she sneers at me, "You may not remember, but that teacup full of coffee that you smuggled in earlier was never a beetle. I may be more accommodating to students who made it into my 6th-year classes, but that is no excuse for inattention."
Did I smuggle coffee in a teacup? Can I fall asleep after coffee? Preposterous! Maybe it was my first cup. Yeah, that makes more sense. Sighing out of my outrageously large hooked nose, I give her a defeated look, "Apologies professor, it won't happen again."
Sniffing, the Scottish harpy ambles back to the front, "Yes, I'm sure it won't. However, mistakes cannot go unpunished. Detention! with Filch after dinner today."
Scowling at her neat bun, I hear a distinct snickering. Without even looking towards the windows, I knew those imbecilic voices anywhere. Feeling my goosebumps prickling up my neck, I instinctively hold my wand tightly. Marauders. Of course, my hell has the bloody marauders. Not the Potter I just got rid of, but his dreaded father. Not the mentally stunted mutt, but the very much alive deranged golden boy. Not the cowardly fleabag, but the hopeful young monstrosity. Last but not least, the sycophant. Peter Bloody Petigrue.
Balling my free hand into a fist in my worn robes, I grind my teeth. Why is this happening? Another distinctive chuckle sends a shiver down my spine, breaking me out of my thoughts. Catching a mop of brilliant red, I feel my fist slacken. This can't be hell. It's not heaven, but it can't be hell. Lily Potter is alive. Not the image I created of a perfect lily to protect my soul, but the real Lily. The Lily that had her own life, her own interests, her own family.
Feeling my head throbbing as I couldn't make coherent thoughts, I slouch into my chair. The sixth year huh? Am I really back? I've already alienated Lily, and I decided to leave her alone after Hogwarts. I can just bring that forward in time and avoid making the same mistakes this time. This might all be fake, but years of spying have taught me to assimilate with the circumstances. Never let them see weakness, rule number 1 of Slytherin.
Redirecting my attention to Minevra, I smooth over the scowl that kept trying to come back. Step one, correctly practice standard Occlumency. Not Dumbledore's modified version made to let lunatics rip your brain apart. Not the type that slowly warps your mind. Watching Minerva transfigure her podium into an owl, I clap with the others. Step two, Identify points in the future that I want to avoid, points that I feel deserve to be changed. Step three, Determine What I want this time. I don't need any master to validate my life. I don't want to fight this war anymore. The most important thing I learned as a spy is that no one trusts you nor cares for your demise. Of all the dunderheads I had to teach, not one had been positively impacted by me. Not enough that they would care if I had died. Is it too much to want my efforts to have meaning? No amount of information I brought back seemed to lead to any meaningful progress, and while Ablus seemed to value me, it was only enough to use me where others couldn't be used.
Hearing the bell signaling class ending, I slowly clear my desk and hug my books as I exit. At this point in time, these books account for most of my wealth. The spells I created have already been leaked to the marauders, I might as well sell them for some monetary value and favors to the auror corps. Not officially, but maybe I can approach Shacklebolt, Scrimgeour, or Moody. They'd survive long enough to make some use of it. If I'm not wrong, I created Sectumsempra, Libracorpus, Langlock, and Mufliato this year. Sectumsempra and Mufliato are spells I want to keep as mine this time around, but Libracorpus, Levicorpus, and Langlock can be sold pretty easily.
Shuffling into the Great Hall, I take my seat at the end of the Slytherin table. Seeing my housemates discretely sneering as I take my seat, I scowl back. I'm not my terrifying future persona anymore, I'm back to being a nobody. Taking some stew in a bowl and grabbing a roll, I look around out of habit. Finding my housemates still watching me, I stare back. This is not normal behavior as far as I remember. Catching one of the gutless craning his neck to see around my bowl of soup, I also look down. Picking the roll up, I look back at the crowd, only to find most of them no longer paying attention. A few conspiratory smirks here and there, but everything seems normal again. Bringing the roll closer, I sniff it gently. Catching the aroma of freshly baked bread and the slight hints of cinnamon and baneberry powder, I smirk. Finding my end of the table deserted, as usual, I set the roll down. Of course, they laced the rolls with potion ingredients.
Catching Mulciber grinning next to Avery, anger clouds my mind. They're supposed to be my friends. Looking out for me in exchange for me doing their potions homework. Defending me from the marauders when I'm ambushed. On my side when the house tries to demean me. Tearing my head away, I see Lily laughing with her friends and the Marauders. Where did it all go wrong? Was I wrong to enter Slytherin? Glancing at the Ravenclaw table, I look over all the kids either talking animatedly or busy reading something that catches their attention. Not one person that I have gotten along with. No, entering Slytherin wasn't the problem. I was the problem. Always picking the wrong people to follow. Always wanting something impossible.
Gritting my uneven teeth, I shove my plate away. Sighing, I find Filch still eating. I can't start detention yet. Looking across the table, I find my supposed friends quietly chatting while grinning. Probably discussing their wonderful future prospects after the Dark Lord wins. Feeling my frustration build, I sigh. I need to distance myself from everyone. Feeling my stomach rumble, I start gathering my books. Maybe I can drop my things in the dorm and get a snack from the kitchens before detention if I hurry. Stumbling as a bread roll smacks my face, I see Mulciber cackling between the upperclassmen.
Closing my eyes, I rub the grease off my face. Trying to calm myself, I feel a scowl twitching into existence. Breathing out shakily, I stoop over and pick up the bread roll. Why did I ever tolerate this? Why did I think they were my best option? Stalking over to my year mates, I feel my vision tunnel onto Mulciber and Avery. Neither of them deemed me a threat enough to watch out for as only a handful of underclassmen noticed that I had quietly approached behind them. Casting a stupify at Avery, I grab Mulciber by the hair and yank him out of his seat. Stuffing the roll in his mouth, I flick my wand quickly. Engorgio!
Ignoring the screams as Mulciber's jaw cracks open and his cheeks split to allow most of the bread bun to squeeze out, I snake my arm around Avery and push my wand into his cheek, "The next time you mess with me, I'll make sure neither you nor your socialite friends will wake up the next."
Realizing I wouldn't get an answer from my stunned friend, I shove his head into his plate before being blown away. Tumbling into the wall, I prop myself up. Pointing my wand at the enemy, I find Slughorn rushing to the table while keeping his wand trained on me. Feeling reality snapping back into place, I realize what I've done. Not only did I deliberately hurt a student out of malice, but I did it in front of the whole school. Sitting back against the wall, I run a hand through my hair. I really need to work on controlling my emotions as soon as possible. Glancing at the high table, ignoring the looks of disappointment and fear, I find an angry Ablus sweeping towards me.
Standing over me, he glares down at me, "I hope you understand the severity of the situation. Pack your belongings and meet me in my office posthaste." Feeling my clammy palms tighten over my wand, I slowly lower it as he leaves the Great Hall. Albus truly used to be terrifying. Sighing, I get up using the wall as support. Belatedly realizing that the hall was filled with cheers after the headmaster had left, for the first time in years, found tears threatening to spill in defeat. Gathering my books and stationery, I make it to my dorm uneventfully. Quickly packing it in my worn trunk, I smirk at the similarities between my financial situation and that of the Weasleys in the future. Casting a quick reducio and pocketing my trunk, I quickly exit the dungeons and make my way to the headmaster's office.
Pausing in front of the gargoyle as it lets me through without a password I make my way up the stairs, I enter the office as the door is ajar. Seeing Albus glaring with his magic causing the room to feel much larger than it is, I keep my eyes on my feet.
Rummaging around his candy drawers, he pops a lemon drop into his mouth before sighing. What do I play for here? Plead Guilty? Take the expulsion? Coughing to get my attention, Albus waits for me to look up before clearing his throat when I don't, "You understand that I have to make a difficult decision. Although I understand that you are under some unfavorable factors, I do not condone any acts of violence, especially unprovoked. According to the-"
Unable to control my emotions once again, I start grinning. Doesn't condone violence huh? How long has violence plagued this school? If it wasn't for what I did being undefendable, I might even argue with the coot, but there's no point.
"Do you find this amusing ?"
"I would be lying if I said it didn't, but I would appreciate some brevity. Am I expelled?"
"Perhaps I could be convinced to think otherwise."
Thinking about the benefits of staying in school, I suddenly remembered that it was the sixth year that I stopped caring for subjects other than Potions and DADA. Potions apprenticeship only requires an O in Potion NEWTS. Before my mother died, I was considering either an apothecary or an intern at 's to take care of my mother, but once she died, I had no use for immediate funds or the ability to heal common wounds. I suppose I could learn some other skills this time around, but keeping my mother alive seems to be my priority right now. By the end of this year, she'll be dead, so I have to go home anyway. Maybe a suspension for now and a probationary term after.
Clearing my throat, I continue staring at my ratty shoes, "I'd be amenable to suspension for the rest of this term and to be accepted back on probation in exchange for a vow that could alleviate some of your concerns Headmaster."
"Curious. What could you swear that could convince me to consider your return ?"
"How about I will not do dark magic in Hogwarts?"
"If you think this is a joke, continue. If you hadn't realized, the enlarging charm is not dark magic."
"How about I will not attack any other students or staff in Hogwarts?"
Hearing his chuckle, I fidget my feet in annoyance, "Ever the confidence, that you could ever hurt a staff member? It's a good start my boy, but it is not enough. Last try."
"How about I never join the Death Eaters, their cause, or participate in any of their activities?"
Hearing his hand fumble for another lemon drop, we wait silently until he stands up, "That is adequate. I shall require you to swear both to restrain yourself from violence and the Dark Lord's cause."
Feeling the room progressively getting bigger, I start sweating. Albus was always insanely powerful, but the number of times that he showcased his power can be counter on one hand. Feeling the room vibrating with his magic only added to the pressure on him to comply. As terrifying as he can be, I can only thank the future knowledge that he wouldn't actually do anything.
Swiftly Walking through the Hogwarts grounds, and making my way out of the wards, I think back to the magical contract I agreed to. In exchange for being allowed back in time for the spring term, I would be suspended for the rest of this term. In addition, I would refrain from attacking others inside school grounds and never follow, favor, or support the Dark Lord. Not hard considering I want nothing to do with either side this time around. Maybe I'll disembowel Peter, and drop some anonymous tips to the right people, but I will be staying well away from the war this time.