Author's Note: Hey. Long time no see. I have good news. This is the first of three updates to come. I have the first draft of the rest of this story finished. If you've been with this story, and these characters, for the last decade, I am so sorry you had to wait this long for the resolution. If you're new, welcome. Either way, I hope you enjoy. - TLC
Chapter Ninety-Eight
Lisa Alenko took a deep breath as she looked at the old woman staring back at her. She closed her eyes with a shaky exhale, and allowed herself a moment to imagine Alex was there with her. She imagined opening her eyes and seeing his reflection behind hers in the mirror. She could still see him clearly, the crinkle around his eyes, and the scruff on his face first thing in the morning. She could smell the coffee on his breath and feel the rough touch of his hand against her skin as his hand cupped her cheek. On a habit, she reached up to cover it, but found her own loose, delicate skin beneath her fingers.
She opened her eyes, tears swimming in her vision. She let out a soft tsk, almost embarrassed with herself for allowing the moment of melancholy, as if there wasn't someone here who still needed her. Thank the heavens for that. She didn't know how she would have survived the loss of Alex if not for the refugees at the orchard.
When word came that they had won, that the reapers had been defeated, she'd wept. She couldn't help it, she hated herself. For when she'd heard that Commander Sloan Shepard had been listed as KIA, and that her son was injured, there was a part of her that was grateful. Grateful that she still had a purpose, someone who needed her. Something to distract her from her own loss. It gave her something to do.
She'd gotten to the hospital shortly after Kaidan had woken. She wasn't even sure he'd realized, initially, the full extent of his injuries, and what kind of life was in store for him. She'd gotten to his room, just in time to catch him as he broke. She'd wrapped her arms around him, and he gripped her back, hard enough to bruise as sobs shook him. She hadn't seen him cry like this since he was a child. As he fell apart, she held him, stroking a hand through his hair, and rubbing his back as she had decades before. She hated that she knew how he was feeling. She hated to lie to him as she comforted him and told him he would be okay. That everything would be okay. Losing the love of your life is not something you bounce back from easily, and this was the second time he'd lost her.
It had been three days since she'd first arrived at the hospital. She wasn't sure what she'd been expecting from him in his recovery, but it wasn't this. It wasn't this bullheaded refusal to do any of the things that he would need to do to heal and recover. She'd never known him to be so petulant. She was not looking forward to another day of trying to get Kaidan to do something to help himself. It was like he was determined not to get better. She just didn't know what good that would do. With another breath, she steeled herself for the day ahead of her and made her way to the hospital.
Upon arriving at Kaidan's room, she found his untouched tray from breakfast sitting on the table at his bedside. His back was to her as he stared out the window to the blue sky that stretched ahead of him. "The weather is warmer today than it has been in a long while," she offered the fact to Kaidan, hoping to get some kind of reaction from him. He said nothing. "Maybe we can go for a walk outside later today. Get some fresh air." He didn't reply, just gestured to his missing limb. Frustration grew hot in her core. Before she could respond, the was a soft sigh as the door behind her opened.
"Mrs. Alenko, could we possibly speak for a moment?" Kaidan heard the nurse ask his mother. She hadn't been there ten minutes before the doctors took her to the hallway to talk about him. His mom had lost a lot of weight. She was no longer the round faced, plump, soft woman she'd been through Kaidan's life. The stress of the war, grief over losing her husband, worrying for her son – the worry he knew continued – had changed her in ways he wished he could fix. There was so much he wished he could fix.
That was all Kaidan could think when his mom walked out of his room. She'd stepped out to talk to his doctors, and annoyance gnawed at his gut. They were talking about him. He wasn't eating. He wasn't doing the exercises he needed to do to eventually be fitted for a prosthetic. He wasn't getting better, and he wouldn't unless he started working for it. Everyone who had visited from the crew had told him Shepard would want him to get better.
He didn't give a fuck what Sloan would want. She hadn't cared what he wanted. She'd made that clear when she left him. Why should he get better? All he wanted to do was yell and scream at her. He couldn't do that.
The door sighed open, then closed, and he heard his mother step into the room. She returned to her seat beside him. "Kaidan," she whispered. "They're going to put the IVs back in, and if you're still refusing to eat tomorrow, they're going to tube feed you – that's when they insert a tube through your nose, down your throat, and into your stomach to give you the nutrients you need." Kaidan remained silent. Moments slipped by before she let a disappointed sigh pass her lips. "You should be ashamed of yourself."
That made him turn to look at her. His brow creased as he stared, his gut churned, and heat spread over his body. "And why is that?"
"You're still here. For whatever reason, you're here. Your Dad is gone. Anderson is gone. Trillions of lives have been lost and you're still here. Do you know how lucky you are?" Lisa's voice was hard, her body rigid. "If this is what you're going to do with the life that was spared for you, I'm not going to watch. I don't have the stomach for it. Your father," her voice broke, and she looked away from him for a long time. His face softened as he watched her grief change her face. "If you make them force feed you, I'm not going to sit here and watch. I've got work I should be doing at the Farm. It's time for you to put your big boy pants on, Kaidan. Your father and I didn't raise you to behave like this." With that she stood, turned quickly, and left the room.
Kaidan wished he could feel the rage he knew should be building at her words, but deep down, he knew she was right. He sighed and turned his face away from the door. He looked out the window as his vision blurred with tears. He hated that she was right. Without thinking, his hand moved to his missing limb, fingers skimming over the wrapped stump. He shifted, using his arms, he moved himself up in bed. He found his omni'tool on the table and slid it on. He opened his inbox and found dozens of messages.
Most were updates on the war from news outlets. He ignored them, looking for a familiar name. Nothing from Liara, or James. Silence from Garrus and Tali. Then he found a message from Joker. He clicked it open.
Kaidan, if you're reading this – shit, I don't know. EDI is gone. She's gone and I don't know. I guess I thought you could help me. If you even see this.
Joker hadn't signed the message, and Kaidan wasn't sure if Joker realized he'd sent it. An idea struck him, and he moved to the files stored on the 'tool. He found the copy of the coding for the VI that had gone rogue on Luna half a decade ago. He remembered learning that VI had been the beginning of EDI. He attached it to a message to Tali. Asking if there was any way this would help in resuscitating EDI. As he hit send, a quiet hope rose in his chest. He couldn't do anything for Sloan, but maybe he could do something for someone. He powered down his 'tool and laid back.
A restless sleep took him under. When he woke hours later, he was unsure what had woken him. His wrist blinked with an unread message. It was a response from Tali. He opened it, blinking against the light as the screen came into focus. "Kaidan! You kleptomaniac-hoarder bosh'tet! This could work! If you're up for it, which it seems you are since you sent this, I'd like to visit soon. So would Garrus, and we can fill you in on what's been happening. I know Liara and James went out to look for Shepard, and we haven't heard anything – though, I'm sure you'd hear something first. Let me know if you're up for visitors and we'll come by! I'm so glad to hear from you!" He couldn't help the small smile that formed on his face. He could hear the gentle trill of her voice in the message. He sent a response, asking for a day or two, but letting her know he'd be ready for a visit soon.
He jumped, his heart rate spiking as there was a commotion outside the door to his room. He looked up and watched as nurses and doctors ran from the desk down the hallway. Alarms were blaring, but he couldn't tell what was happening. His heart pounded against his chest and nausea rolled over him. His feet – foot, and hands were warm and tingly. Then, after a few moments, the hall fell back to silence, and the alarms stopped. He let out a deep breath and laid back against the pillow, closing his eyes. He heard the door to his room open and close. He didn't open his eyes, not wanting to face his mother.
Yet, it wasn't his mother who spoke. "We found her," Liara's soft voice broke the silence. Kaidan's head whipped towards her, and his heart jumped to his throat. He thought he'd vomit if he opened his mouth. His breathing quickened, his palms went cold and clammy. He stared at her, eyes wide, as he fought for control. Tears blurred his vision. Liara moved to him, placing a calming hand on his back, and taking one of his hands in her other. "Take a slow, deep breath, Kaidan, you do not want to lose consciousness." He tried, but he couldn't calm down. The alarms next to his bed started, and the doctors came in.
"Where is she?!" He demanded, fury breaking through the other emotions, his hands fisted at his sides as he raged. "Where is she!? I need to see her! I need to see her body!" He thrashed against the doctors trying to calm him. His biotics started to ignite, a blue sheen racing over his body. Before he knew what was happening, there was a warm sensation racing through his veins as the sedative took effect. His breathing slowed, and his body grew heavy. He sagged back against the bed, tears spilling from his eyes. He tried as hard as he could to hold on, to stay awake so he could see what was left. It was no use; the medication was too strong. The darkness took him.
He awoke hours later, coming out of a dreamless slumber. His room was dark, and he wasn't sure what was real. He found his mother in the chair at his bedside, her eyes on the screen in the room. She was watching a news update. "Once again, we can confirm that Commander Sloan Shepard has been found among the debris of the Citadel," the reporter said. "She was taken to Charing Cross Hospital, located in London, a city on Earth and the site of the final stand against the Reapers, for a medical evaluation. No further updates on her condition have been released at this time." When Kaidan spoke, he startled his mother.
"Where is she?" he asked, his voice shaking and tears streaming down his cheeks. He couldn't believe it. Wouldn't believe anything until he saw it with his own eyes. He was supposed to believe now that she was alive. How was that possible? He hadn't dared hope.
"She's down the hall, Kaidan," his mom responded, her voice trembled. "The doctors said we can take you to see her, but I want to tell you how she's doing first." He just shook his head.
"Mom, I don't want to hear it. I need to see her, please. I've seen… please," he was begging, and he wasn't too proud to do it. He needed it. He needed to see her like he needed his next breath. He'd seen her at her worst. He'd seen the pictures from Lazarus. He needed to see her, to watch her chest rise and fall with a breath. He needed to see the heart monitor trace out his favorite song. He needed these things more than he needed medical jargon and a diagnosis he wouldn't believe anyway. "Please."
"I'll get a wheelchair," she responded, simply. Standing, she leaned over and cupped the back of his head, kissing his forehead before leaving. She returned with two aides and a wheelchair. It wasn't until this moment that Kaidan wished he'd done some PT. Getting from the bed to the wheelchair with one leg was a lot more difficult than he'd anticipated. After significant struggle, and some colorful cursing, he was in the chair and his mom was walking him down the hallway.
He couldn't help it – the tears on his face – and he didn't care. He hadn't, for one second, truly let himself hope that she would be alive when they found her. He hadn't, for one second, really believed there was a chance at the life he had promised her. He didn't understand it. They had made the agreement to die together in the explosion. How was it possible that they were both here? His mom slowed before a door with the privacy screen on. He felt like he was floating. Nothing felt real as the door opened and he saw her there.
His fist flew to his mouth to keep in his sob as she pushed him closer to the bed. His eyes shot to the monitor showing her vitals. They were weak, but there. Her pulse was low, and her breathing slow, but it was there. He reached her bedside and spoke without removing his gaze from Sloan's face. "Will it hurt her if I touch her?" he asked in a whisper, his hand reaching tentatively towards hers.
A cool, Australian voice responded from the opposite side of her bed, "No, Alenko, it won't hurt her. You can touch her."