I want to start this off with a quick note saying a few things, but I'll try to keep it short so you can jump right into the story.
Mainly, I just wanted to say if you're here because you think about suicide.. I promise you're not alone. I promise things get better, not over night.. Maybe not in a year.. But they do get better.
You don't have to go through it alone.
~
-TRIGGER WARNING-
!!!Warning!!!: This story will touch on some externally sensitive and uncomfortable topics, it's not advised for younger audiences. Strong language, sexual references, blood, self-harm/trigger warning, and rated M for mature content!
I do not support the act of self-harm, self induced anorexia/bulimia, or drug addictions in any form. I do not support the act of bullying other people because of their differences or opinions, you as a person are perfect and beautiful a true one of a kind in my eyes.
~
Also as an actual story related note, this story probably isn't going to be the most timeline accurate to follow along with the actual anime/manga. As well as personalities of characters maybe not be accurate, for story purposes. I haven't watched FT in a long time, but I feel like writing and this is what I'm choosing to do. I'm returning to the story I'd written back when I was still in school, (the previous story on this profile). I'll be refining it and changing it, turning it into more than just a one-shot. Removing what I look back on and cringe at today, this is also just me being curious as to see if I've actually improved over the years even though I haven't even been writing much.
Thank you for your understanding, and I hope you enjoy. If you do like it and want me to continue, please let me know!
-Disclaimer-
This is a work of nonprofit fanfiction, not intended for anything aside from enjoyment. All rights and credits to the original characters of the anime/manga Fairy Tail are reserved to the author Hiro Mashima.
My name is Lucy Heartfilia. My friends would describe me as a bubbly, energetic, loud girl. The type who always wears colorful short skirts and tight tops, not for the guys but for myself. They always say confidence is key to more than love, but happiness in itself. In my confidence I found, no, I forged my own happiness.
By the age of 15 having ran away from home, away from an arranged marriage and a loveless environment, taking my future into my own hands and joining the guild of my dreams. I practice a rare type of holder magic called Celestial Spirit magic, this allows me to summon the magical beings whom reside in the Celestial Spirit World. I can't do that without first coming to an agreement with that spirit. I own ten of the twelve golden zodiac keys, the strongest keys in existence, along with five silver keys. I fight along side not only my spirits, but also my guildmates. Belonging to the strongest team in Fairy Tail, the strongest guild in all of Fiore, I'm proudly a part of Team Natsu.
Salamander, Natsu Dregneel the Dragon Slayer. Titania, Queen of the Fairies, Erza Scarlet. And Gray Fullbuster, the Static Ice-Make Mage. The powerhouses of Fairy Tail, making up the single strongest team in the entire guild.
As a guild, not much can stop us in our tracks. We're no strangers to weirdness and wildness, but the past year has been spent rebuilding our lives after the strangest set of events. Somehow, Team Natsu was teleported to the universe parallel.. A world called Edolas. A world almost entirely without magic, where everything and everyone is backwards to home. From which Natsu's childhood best friend, Lisanna Strauss, returned. Everyone was so overjoyed, the guild partied day in and out until finally everyone had worn themselves out. Durning the seven years we were missing from our own world, things had turned sour for the guild having been left without the strongest members.
It's been a full year now, and things have drastically changed for Fairy Tail. All in good ways. The guild acquired a better location for the hall, rebuilt better than ever, several new members had joined, and we won the Grand Magic Games. Rightfully reclaiming our spot as number one guild. Life had all but returned to normal, missions were finally rolling back in. Now that our guild had won the GMG's the bored returned to filling with higher classed missions and more requests for help. I was excited for Team Natsu to return to group missions, tired of doing small solo missions by myself.
Most excited to get back to being able to spend time with my best friend, and long term crush. The pink haired idiot that brought my dreams of joining this amazing guild to life. I've had subconscious feelings for Natsu since the moment he broke that fake Salamander guy's ring hypnotization, but they hadn't actually started to form solidly until the day Mira put the thought into motion. Filling my head with steamy romance, the idea of babies with Natsu, the idea of him asking me out and even marriage later. All over some silly misunderstanding, but ever since then I haven't been able to completely shove the ideas away. Even tho we've barely been able to talk since being home, everything's just been such fast paced lately.
Currently I strolled to the guild hall from my little apartment down the road, a walk I was well used to after all these years. From several blocks down the guild could be heard, bustling and lively as ever, reaching the doors it just sounded like just another brawl involving the whole guild. A pretty typical occurrence for Fairy Tail. One of the main entrance doors few open as a body crashed out of it, having been thrown with quit the force. A man lay on the ground outside now unconscious, carefully stepping over him I made my way inside to the bar table. Where my favorite waitress had my daily yogurt smoothie already waiting for me, I greeted her as I took a seat ignoring the noise around us.
Mira who was too busy to return my greeting, set my smoothie down for me while excitedly chatting with her little sister in hushed whispers impossible to hear over the noise in this place. Lisa followed her around as Mira continued about the bar duties. I frowned, I miss Mira spending time with me too, she was like the big sister I never got to have. But she's so happy to have Lisa back around, I'm so happy for her. Not just her but their brother Elfman too, years of his guilt eating him alive he was almost a different person now. The pain in his eyes replaces with pride and true happiness.
I looked around the guild, observing the mess of bodies and magic banter. At the center of it, no other than Natsu and Gajeel going at it. Their brawl had triggered guild wide chaos, luckily it looks like it's starting to calm down. I waited for people to return to their own businesses around the guild before getting up and walking over to Team Natsu's normal table, moments before hand having literally been upside down.
"Morning, Lucy," Erza greeted as I sat down.
"Hey guys," before I could say anything else Natsu jumped up and ran away, Lisanna calling for his attention. "Look, I was wanting to talk to you guys about if we were ready to go back to taking on missions again."
Gay and Erza looked at each other, both looked almost nervous. A pit of anxiety formed in the bottom of my stomach, this was odd.
"About that, Lucy," Gray fidgeted by scratching at the back of his neck. His shirt vanishing somewhere to who knows where. "Natsu had something to talk about, we should wait to make plans until after that."
I nodded, curiosity of what in the world Natsu would have to talk about. I scanned the guild for his salmon pink hair, only to catch a glimpse over at the billboard. Excitement for a second washed over me, of course that's what he'd want to talk about! He was picking out a job right now, he better pick a good one because my rent is due next week. Until it felt like everything shattered around me, as realization hit. Natsu was by the bored, but he wasn't looking at it. He wasn't looking at it at all.. Instead, a white haired tiny figure was pushed up against it. Natsu's muscular body pressed up against hers pinning her to it, as his hands pulled her closer to him. My stomach twisted as my eyes hyper focused on her fingers buried in his pink locks, pulling his face closer to hers as their lips were locked in passion.
It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, did I gasp out loud? Did I zone out? Oh god have I been staring? Has anyone noticed? I felt silly, but still sick. Looking around, no one else seems to have noticed. I stood up, more shaken than I would've preferred yet somehow almost robotic. Catching Gray and Erza's attention, I might have shown it more than I would've liked too because their faces twisted a bit with concern.
"Feeling okay Lucy? Did you see a ghost or something?" Gray asked, unconsciously stripping his pants off.
"I'm actually feeling a bit sick, I better go home. I'll see you guys later," I dismissed myself as calmly as possible. Doing my best to be casual, but my stomach was so twisted up I felt like my whole body just might be turning into a black hole. I waiting until I was outside of the guild to start running, but I didn't stop until I'd reached my apartment.
By then the tears were flowing and there was nothing I could do to stop them, I locked the door behind me. Straight to the window and locked it too, making sure the close the curtains tightly. Leaving me in a dimly lit room. The sky didn't have much life left in it, as the sun was starting to dull out into setting. It left the room feeling suddenly more like a pit than a room, I stumbled to the bed and let my body fall down. Crumpling on top of the blankets, just laying there. The tears flowing every which direction now, but I barely noticed. My mind burned with the image of her fingers in his hair, his hands pulling her petite body into his. I felt like I needed to throw up, except the only thing in my body so far today had been yogurt. No matter how much I squeezed my eyes the image was burned there, her fingers in his hair... His hands on her...
No.. I hadn't gotten to tell him yet.. I was the one who loved him.
She was his childhood best friend tho, he thought she was dead. She came back from the dead, he loves her.. She loves him. I love him, but he loves her. The words played on repeat in my head as I watched in slow motion her fingers digging in his hair, his perfect, soft, pink hair. The same hair I would dig my fingers through on those long train rides, doing my best to comfort him and lull him into sleep to ease his pain. My fingers felt empty, like their purpose was gone. Disintegrated. My stomach clenched. That's it, I didn't think I could take anymore. I somehow threw myself out of bed, stumbled to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before my stomach lurched again. The musical spasms in my abdomen causing what was left of the smoothie from earlier to come back up, I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet. It felt like it went on forever, when I thought it was finally over another wave would ripple through me. Before long it turned into dry heaving between sobs, the tears still coming at a steady pace.
Until finally my body had given up as much as it could, even tho my stomach muscles continued wringing the inside of my body out. Flushing and peeling myself off the floor I staggered back to bed, kicking my boots off as I did so. Crawling back to the safety of the blankets, pulling them over my head and pretending all the outside world beyond this fabric just stopped existing. I tried to scream, my whole body clenched as every muscle in my body rejected being apart of me. The scream wrecked through my body even though it was silent, ripping at the walls of my insides fire. Yet there was no sound, not even the violent sobs that wracked my body made any type of audible evidence of my pain. I let my body do as it pleased and cry myself out to darkness, at some point falling asleep.
Peregrinate: (Per-e-gri-nate) verb.
To travel or wonder around from place to place.