Three weeks had passed since Team Natsu had decided to take their first mission without me. Their return had been welcomed by another guild party to celebrate Lisanna's successful return to normal life. However, I couldn't bring myself to fully enjoy the festivities that night. I watched from afar as he clung to her, glued to her side like any second she could vanish into thin air again.
In the days that followed, I tried to push away the building jealousy. The way his eyes seemed brighter when he looked at her, the way he had a special smile reserved just for her, the way he'd find little reasons to touch her and be close to her. I wanted that, I wanted that to be me.
She's been home for such a short time, but she's already the center of his world. The realization stabbed at my heart, I never stood a chance. I was never an option in the first place; his heart had always belonged to her. If I'd been anything before, it was just a stand-in for a dead girl.
It wasn't just him though, the whole guild's attention had shifted to her. I felt myself fading into the background, I just wanted things to go back to the way they were. This seemed to be the new normal.
Today was no different, I watched the guild's daily life as I sat at my normal bar stool. Mira had been busy all morning talking with Cana and Lis. Taking one of the rare openings with her separated from Team Natsu, I stood from my seat and approached my team.
"Would you guys like to find a mission? It's been a while since the full teams taken on any jobs together," I asked as I seated myself next to Natsu's right.
Erza's eyes were closed as she savored a slice of strawberry short cake, Gray was forcing himself to ignore a certain water mage hiding not so conspicuously behind a pillar in the background, and Natsu sat with his hands behind his head glaring at Gajeel from afar. At my question, Natsu shifted himself upright turning to me. His facial expression returning to his normal carefree self.
"About that," he started, my heart starting to sink. "We've all been talking it over.. And well, we've been thinking about adding Lis to the team."
I masked my disappointment as soon as I felt the prick to my heart, "that's a great idea!"
"Well, that means you'd be removed from the team, Lu." Gray interjected.
My blood ran freezing, my stomach twisted, I felt my whole body explode into a panic. My brain seizing up as I tried to process the words, only Gray's voice had really registered. "What?"
"Guild rules," Erza started, "Only allows for up to five guild members to pair for any singular team. Adding Lis without removing someone from the group would go against guild rules, an unfortunate one but a rule nonetheless."
"Right.." My throat closing up as my mind raced to catch up, "but Team Natsu only has four members. Gray, Erza, Natsu, and me. That leaves room for Lis of course."
"Aye!" Happy, Natsu's blue exceed shouted from the ground catching my attention. "What about me, Luce?!"
"Well you're Natsu's exceed," surely.. "Aren't you counted as with Natsu?"
"Are you saying Happy isn't a team member, Lucy??" Natsu's shocked offense was enough to start driving the stake home. "Happy is just as much a person as the rest of us!"
"I didn't say he wasn't, that's not what I meant!"
"Sure sounded like it to me!" The blue cat huffed and turned away, I felt the situation rapidly turning into a mess around me with nothing I could do to control it.
"So what," bitterness bubbled in my stomach, "you guys are kicking me from the team?"
"Don't cause a big scene, Lucy." Erza mumbled between bites of cake. "You can take this time to work on your strength, grow as a Fairy Tail wizard, take the time to go on solo missions or find a new team to tagalong with."
Like I was some kind of weak child, needing to tagalong like I was a bother? I had to turn away to hide the burning feeling of tears building up in my eyes. That's what it really came down to, Lis was stronger than me. Not to mention Natsu and hers clearly growing relationship, leaving no room for me of their team anymore.
"You guys don't care how this looks and feels to me?"
"It shouldn't be a big deal, teams break up and reform differently all the time. It's progression." Gray grumbled while trying not to look over his shoulder at the, not so subtle, water mage inching closer in her stalking distance.
Right. My world was crumbling around me, yet none of them seemed to care like I felt they should. Almost every imaginable emotion crossed through me like waves of pain, yet in the moment I couldn't pick one to respond with. Words wouldn't form into a sentence as I fumbled there in front of them.
"We've already talked to Master about it, he okayed the change in team status the other day. So there's nothing you have to worry about," Natsu informed me like it wasn't that big of a deal, brushing off my clear disbelief.
I found myself nodding, they'd already decided and there was nothing left to do. Not only had they already decided, but they'd already taken the steps to remove me from the team. My heart shattered. I stood, my body trembling as I turned without saying anything more to them. Betrayal is all I felt, suddenly the air in the guild felt suffocatingly heavy in my lungs. Fighting the urge to run out of the hall as fast as I could, I managed to walk calmly until the front door closed behind me.
Only after the door closed behind me did I let myself feel the full impact of what just happened, my entire life as a Fairy Tail member exploded. What was I suppose to do now?
Did I run home? Did I stumble home like a drunk? I don't remember getting here, but I remember crawling under my blankets after having stripped all my clothing on my way to my bed. Comfort. Safety. My place to dissociate and erase the rest of the world.
What was I suppose to do now?
I cried myself into a restless sleep, only to wake up a few hours later from a nightmare. One where Team Natsu had turned against me, saying the cruelest of things to me before resorting to violence. The dream had twisted into the whole guild degrading me and pushing me away, voicing their opinions and insults upon me. My head pounded as I pulled myself up, I couldn't keep going like this. I felt the madness building. Reliving every event since Lisanna's return was slowly driving me into schizophrenia.
I found myself pacing around my home, feeling restless. There was nothing to do, I found myself unable to focus on any single thing. Instead, my mind never resting as the thoughts became overwhelming. I tried to clean, which turned into me just moving things from one place to another. I tried to fix myself something to snack on, opening and closing the fridge multiple times. I tried to write, zoning in and out against the blank page as no words would form.
I was going crazy, the sky slowly turning colors outside my tightly shut curtains. It was such an out of body experience, time turned to a blur but feeling like it drug on forever. No, I had to get out of here. I threw on some random clothes, skipping my normal routine before heading out. The sky was barely breaking from the darkness of night, meaning most of Team Natsu were still in bed. Perfect, I could come and go without having to deal with the extra pain of seeing them.
It was so still outside, almost eerie, the dread build up in my stomach as I approached the hall. Even knowing my ex team wouldn't be there, I still felt anxious. How could I bring myself to move past this feeling? I'd just have to move on with my life, put Team Natsu behind me. The thought shattered my heart and I staggered the last few steps to the door. How awful, I could never do that. Pretend like the time I shared with them meant nothing?? Watching them from afar move on so effortlessly, Lisanna replacing me. Not just replace, no she was clearly leagues ahead of me already. If anything, I'd been her replacement all along.
Pushing away the burning tears, had I really not cried them all out yet? I pulled the door open and stepped inside, just as I'd thought. The guild was empty, save for the few older members who's internal clocks woke long before the sun. Master himself was perched on the top railing, his eyes closed and staff resting in his lap. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was sleeping sitting upright.
Mira manned the bar, not a soul in sight, yet she still stood drying glass cups waiting for the morning to grow old and bring in the breakfast hounds. She looked surprised to see me so early, calling out to me from across the floor. I offered a weak wave as I headed towards to billboard, carefully sifting through the flyers. I needed something that would keep me away for a few days, I needed the break from this town. Something I could solo, but still offer a decent reward.
Most out of town ones were searching for specific magic users, the rest either required a full team, or the reward was barely worth the train ticket. Forcing my hand to pick a job looking for either someone stronger or a 3-4 person team, I sighed as I plucked it from the board and carried myself towards Mira for approval. She eyed it, looking up at me in concern.
"Lucy, this is a team mission," started the lecture of overprotective guild mom she plays to all the members.
"It's okay, with my spirits we'll knock them out in no time. It's just a small dark guild roughing up a baby guild, with Virgo and Leo they don't stand a chance."
The mention of the familiar guild mate seemed to put her mind at ease a little, but she still seemed hesitant to approve the mission. I tried to give her the most confident smile I could muster, but if I was being entirely honest.. I wasn't actually sure myself. Sure Leo and Virgo were strong, but this was a dark guild I'd be taking on. Not just normal people causing problems, no these would be other magic users and who knew what their powers were. I watched her stamp the Fairy Tale guild seal of approval before filing it away in the active quests, meaning I was now actively on a mission. Handing me a paper with the details and directions, she me well as I ran out the door. Happy I'd been approved for a good one, Happier yet that I didn't have to face any interactions I didn't want to deal with.
Now just to pack and rush to catch the next train.
The town was called Falvery, located in the foothills of some mountains just West of Fiore. The closest train station was in Oak Town, from there I had to rent a magical car and drive the remaining three hours. Draining some of my magic, I was tired by the time I finally made it to the town.
It was worth it, I'd never been here before. The town was beautiful, I almost found myself wishing I could just move out here. Maybe not even go home, the guild probably wouldn't even miss me. The roads were all rock, the buildings mostly logs and stones, tall pointed roofs resembling gnomes, horses and carts the main mode of transportation. The air was crisp but not yet cold, I was probably mid day judging by the sun's position in the sky, thankful I'd left so early I'd be able to explore the town during the day.
The main area in town was like a circle, in the middle a large pine tree that reached up almost as tall as the houses. Forming the circle was the main businesses in town; a tavern, a market building, a few weapons and gear shops, a couple clothing shops, what looked to be an antique shop, and the guild hall. The guild building was significantly smaller than our own, the only defining feature was their guild emblem on a flag outside. I took note of a few details before making my way toward it. Half expecting the door to be locked, it was so light it swung open with ease.
Inside sat a table and five chairs, a cork board next to the door, and a few bookshelves lining the walls. Other than that it was empty, save for the three figures standing inside. Two were older men relatable to Master but taller, the last a younger woman probably in her early thirties.
They all looked exhausted. The two older men both looked up at me as I stepped in, they looked identical save for their shirt color. Thinner and entirely gray haired, they stood about Levy's height, wearing winter clothing. The younger woman looked like an older version of Cana, she could pass as her older sister who wore more clothes.
"Uh, hello." I greeted, "is this the Pines Guild?"
"Yes?" The younger woman answered, on guard.
"Hi, I'm Lucy Heartfilla, from Fairy Tail."
She eyed me, I felt the unease crawl up my back as she looked me up and down then at the door.
"Where's your team?"
"I came alone," I barely got the chance to speak before she scoffed.
"Look, no offense, but we asked for a team not some city girl trying to get in over her head. Come back with an actual team before barking up this tree." She waved me off before returning to whatever she was doing at the table. The two old men following her lead.
Snippets of my dream from this morning replaying in my head, specifically when my beloved guildmates started calling me weak and useless.
"I know I don't look like much, but I'm strong too. Let me try to help, if I can't take care of this then I'll call for help." Her dismissal had struck a nerve as I had to imagine crawling back to the guild in defeat, I could never. I'd just have to find a new place to live and a new guild to call home, rather than facing and confirming their ideas of me being a weakling.
She looked back up at me, studying me for what awkwardly felt like forever before reluctantly sighing and giving a nod. "My name is Frysha Velorch, welcome. We have a lot to discuss, so pull up a seat."
Querencia: (que-ren-cia) noun.
The place where one feels most secure, from which one's strength of character is drawn; a place where one feels at home.