As of right now, I still plan on weekly posting. I have two more chapters completely done at this moment, so expect normal chapter posting for at least two more weeks.

This chapter does deal with trauma from previous chapters. Please proceed with caution.

Thanks for reading!

-CL

"Are you ready, my dear?" Maxon asks from behind me. I clutch my shaking hands together and face him. He offers me his hand to help pull me out of my chair. He kisses my hand before letting me go. "Let's go."

I shake my head. "No, Maxon…I can't do this." I can feel my whole body violently shaking.

"I'll be right there with you," he says, putting his arm around me and pulling me into a side hug.

"But Maxon…" I clutch my cold, sweaty hands together, trying to hide that they're shaking.

Maxon gently pries my hands apart, placing them in his. I rip my hands out of his grasp, wiping them on my black mourning dress. "I can't," I say forcefully, with finality.

"Yes, you can, my dear. I'm right here with you." He gently guides me over to the loveseat. I glance at all of the fucking cameras and almost bolt. Maxon must see it because he kneels in front of me. "Hey, Bella. Hey, look at me." I tear my gaze away from the camera right in front of me and look at Maxon. He places a hand on my cheek. "I'm right here, alright? You're not alone." I stare at him, trying not to- "Just breathe, my dear." Maxon's voice brings me out of my spiral. "I'm right here with you."

Tears form in my eyes, and I look up at the ceiling, trying to not let them fall and ruin my camera-ready makeup. "Maxon-" my voice breaks, and I try to hold it together.

"I'm right here with you. You're not doing this alone."

"I can't. I can't. I can' 'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan't," I whisper, like a mantra. I bury my face in my hands, hyperventilating.

"Breathe, love," I hear Maxon's voice say. He scoops me up into his arms and cradles me. I try and try, and try to catch my breath, but I can't. Black spots appear at the edges of my vision-

"Bella, breathe, my dear," Maxon whispers in my ear.

"I can't," I whisper before the black fully takes over my vision.

"Bella, breathe, my dear," I whisper in her ear. I hear her whisper something back, but I can't make it out. And then she goes limp in my arms, her chest rising and falling rapidly. "Bella?" I whisper. She doesn't respond, knocked unconscious from her rapid breathing. "C'mon, Bella, wake up." I gently slap her cheeks and she startles awake.

Bella gasps. Her eyes find mine and she blushes. "Sorry."

"It's alright, my dear. Let's just get this over with."

Bella climbs out of my arms, sitting in the loveseat next to me. "Alright," she says, a finality in her voice. "Let's do this."

"Maxon, we need to talk," I say. We just finished recording, live, our announcement. I realized while we were filming that we are taking this grief in very different ways. Maxon wants to be with me and I need some alone time. I guess it's the childhood trauma talking, but I really don't want anybody else to know how deeply the stillbirth is affecting me. Maxon follows me out of the throne room, where we filmed the announcement, to our rooms.

I open the door and Maxon closes it behind him. He immediately walks over to me, entangling his fingers in my hair. I pull back and put my hands on his chest, shoving him away from me. "Bella, what's the matter?"

I turn so I'm looking out the window. "Maxon…you and I have very different ways of coping. And I don't know how it's working between us-"

"Then grieve with me, my dear. I'm here for you. You know that," Maxon cuts in, putting his arms around my torso. I refrain from leaning into his embrace as hard as that is.

I step away from him, scared to even say these words out loud. I close my eyes and thin my lips, preparing myself. "Maxon, I think we should take a break from each other," I say, meeting his eyes. I make sure to enunciate each word carefully.

Maxon startles, backing away from me. "Are you-are you breaking up with me?" He pauses, criticizing my face. "No, are you divorcing me?"
I shake my head. "No, that's not what I said. I think we just need a break from each other. Sleep in separate rooms-or even wings-and try to hang out with other people for now. I need time to process, Maxon, before you start staring at me sadly every time we lock eyes. I need alone time, Maxon. I don't want to lock myself into a room again; that's not my intent." I realize that tears are running down my cheeks when one hits my lips. I sniffle, the truth of what I'm saying truly setting in. "I'm sorry," I whisper. With that I turn to the door, ready to exit.

"My dear, wait!" Maxon exclaims, grabbing my wrist. "Bella, please don't do this."

I turn my head to look Maxon in the eyes and see his tears. I almost give in, but I shake my head. "I'm sorry, Maxon, but I think we both need this. I don't want to, but I need to." I choke on a sob and wrench my wrist out of Maxon's grasp. "I'm sorry," I whisper again.

"Bella, no, don't do this," Maxon says…and he sounds angry. "I won't let you do this."

"I am a grown woman, Maxon. I will do whatever I please; you are not my guardian," I respond, the tears flowing freely.

"I will not let you leave me!" Maxon shouts, grabbing my wrist again.

"And I will not let you be my parents!" I bite back. I jerk back, causing Maxon to let go. The tears aren't flowing now; I'm only seeing red. Maxon tries to grab for my wrist again, but I whip around, facing the entrance to the Queen Suite. "Don't make me hide from you, Maxon. Don't make me scared of you."

Maxon steps forward, his arm raised, like he's going to slap me. "Bella, you will stay with me."

"You will not be my parents!" I shout back. "Let me be, Maxon. Let me grieve!" I grab his arm, pulling it down.

It's like he's broken out of a spell. He steps back, glancing back and forth from my face to his hand. "Bella, please don't tell me I-"

"No, you didn't hit me," I answer, my hands shaking. "I'm going to go now." I walk to the door, placing my hand on the handle.

"My dear," I hear Maxon whisper. I turn to face him. "I'm sorry," he whispers, almost choking on a sob.

I allow a tear to fall. "I'm sorry, too." With this I exit the room and flee down the hallway, allowing all of my tears to fall. I realize that I've lost more than my child-there's now a wedge between me and my husband.