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…Howdy. So, it's been quite a bit longer than usual since the last update, right when we're getting to the end.

Long story short, I ended up in the ER and then hospitalized for a few days. Mostly to get a billion tests. And I've had a bunch of follow-up appointments, and I've been really tired and stuff. It was for the same problem (random falling) that I got the MRI and EEG I mentioned in a previous note. So, like, I'm not dying or anything, just have a not-so-great medical issue to try to figure out so I don't keep getting hurt.

So, yeah, updating hasn't been my priority lol. But here's the next chapter:

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Luo Binghe sat by Shen Qingqiu's bedside, holding his hand and rubbing gentle circles on the back of it.

The man's breathing was shallow- far too shallow, even for sleep, and his pale skin accentuated the pink scars that still marred his skin.

The doctor had finished the surgery only a few hours ago, and Shen Qingqiu had lost more blood- so much more blood. He'd managed to repair the hole in Shen Qingqiu's heart, but with so much blood gone already, there wasn't enough for the organ to pump around the man's body.

Even still, the doctor said he would likely recover from that part, at least, though he'd sent someone to look for a suitable human to donate blood. Apparently, only certain people could give certain other people blood, and if you gave someone incorrect blood, that itself would kill them. Luo Binghe wished he could just give him his own blood, but that much heavenly demon blood would end up killing him, too.

Suddenly, a noise came out of those snow-pale lips, drawing Luo Binghe's attention to the man's face.

"Shizun?"

Weakly, the man shifted beneath the blanket, his face spasming. Pained grunts and moans continued to fall from his lips, and in a panic, Luo Binghe grabbed his wrist to check his qi.

His heart sank as he sensed the soul beginning to splinter.

"No!"

But there was nothing he could do.

With one final gasp, Shen Qingqiu's soul shattered into thousands of little pieces, too small and numerous to ever be forced back together again.

Shen Qingqiu became entirely motionless on the bed, not a single breath moving his chest.

And Luo Binghe screamed.

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He bolted upright with a gasp, finding himself sitting up in the makeshift bed he'd had his servants prepare for him in Shen Qingqiu's room so he wouldn't have to leave for his own bed and find the man dead in the morning. Immediately, his eyes snapped over to the other bed, and his body rushed to get him closer so he could check whether his dream had been true or not.

Seeing that the man's chest was still moving, he felt some degree of relief, but he took his wrist to check his pulse and meridians, anyway. His heart was still beating, and though his soul wasn't any better, it wasn't really worse, either. At this revelation, Luo Binghe collapsed to his knees, almost overwhelmed by how relieved he was that the man was still alive.

The doctor had performed the surgery earlier that day and reported that it had gone better than expected. Now, though the state of his heart was still incredibly fragile as well, the biggest concern was his splintering soul. So far, they were keeping it stabilized with a complicated series of arrays and periodic administration of qi energy, but it wasn't really enough. If things didn't improve in a few days, Shen Qingqiu would really die, and there would be no way to bring his soul back this time.

"You can't die, Shizun," Luo Binghe ordered desperately, closer to begging. "You can't. I swear to you that I'll do anything to fix this- I'll do anything. So just don't die."

Tears rolled down to stain his cheeks as he let threads of his own pure qi enter the older man's body.

"Please."

He didn't care if he looked pathetic. He felt pathetic. And he wouldn't mind being pathetic if Shen Qingqiu would just live.

He really would do just about anything for that right now.

"Please don't die."

"You can't."

.

.

.

"I love you."

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Qiu Haitang had been practically inconsolable since her husband showed her the truth about her brother. It was all so horrible that it was making her sick. The ways he beat Shen Jiu, the ways he cruelly mocked him, the ways that her brother had secretly lusted after her, and the ways he enacted those fantasies upon her fiancé- it was all terrible and disgusting. All this time, she'd thought her brother was a kind and righteous man, killed by an ungrateful brother-in-law-to-be. How could she have been so wrong? How could she not have noticed, in all those years? Shen Jiu must have had bruises, markings, evidence of what had been done, but she'd never looked beneath his clothes to check.

Why hadn't he ever told her? Clearly, he used her presence as a shield, her brother unwilling to show her his true personality and therefore unable to behave that way when she was around. Had she known, she would have made sure that Shen Jiu was never left alone with her brother, kept him by her side at all times. She could have protected him, would have protected him if she only knew she had to.

The Shen Qingqiu that existed now may not be completely innocent, but the Shen Jiu she'd been engaged to had been. No one could say that the abuse he suffered then was a punishment for what he did later. None of it had even been a punishment- it had all just been some sick form of amusement for Qiu Jianluo, a way for him to lord his power over someone he held beneath him.

Would Shen Qingqiu have even ended up so twisted if her brother hadn't beaten him until he ended up on that path?

Knowing what she did now, she felt bad for condemning him, especially so fervently. In those memories Luo Binghe showed her, she could see the desperation, see how terrified Shen Jiu had been of her brother. Stabbing Qiu Jianluo hadn't been fully intentional- it was a knee-jerk reaction- and that escalated the situation to the point that brought down the destruction of her entire family and estate. Now, she felt like what happened had really been largely her brother's fault- he brought his own destruction upon himself and dragged the rest of their household down with him. If Qiu Jianluo hadn't pushed Shen Jiu so far, she doubted he would have been killed, and even if Shen Jiu had still killed him, she didn't think her ex-fiancé would have killed everyone else if the situation hadn't reached that point. The memories showed that the rest of the family and servants mistreated him, too, but they always seemed to be following her brother's lead.

If her brother had just been kinder, everything could have been different.

And now, Shen Qingqiu was apparently in critical condition, possibly about to die from Liu Mingyan's stab wound. And that made her own chest feel as though she had been stabbed. Though Qiu Haitang had no intentions of stopping her fellow wife from having her revenge, though she had come to watch, she hadn't intended to give the killing blow, hadn't intended to do anything to him at all. Her husband had already punished him severely and killed him once, and though her rage about the destruction of her family had not been fully quelled, she would have been satisfied enough with him just remaining dead. She didn't understand why he was back or why her husband, whose hatred seemed deeper than her own, would be treating him with any amount of hospitality. So, she just wanted him gone again, wanted the wound of what he did to close up again so she wouldn't have to think about her grief.

But it turned out that she shouldn't have been so eager to watch him die. Shen Qingqiu wasn't fully innocent, but he wasn't quite so guilty as the entire world, herself included, believed. Knowing the truth, she understood her husband's new stance that the punishment he'd already inflicted had been sufficient. She knew how brutal his torture was, and she hadn't minded it because her hatred ran so deep.

So really, wasn't that enough? Shen Qingqiu had served his sentence, felt the pain he inflicted on others. An eye for eye had been delivered.

She was satisfied with that.

But now, she also felt so, so guilty.

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Liu Mingyan still didn't quite know if she should believe what she'd been shown. Part of her was still convinced that Shen Qingqiu must have found some way to alter his memories. But the other part of her knew that her husband would have been able to detect that in the dreamscape, so unless her husband was lying to her (which she doubted, as he hated Shen Qingqiu as much as she did and wouldn't have the need to lie just to protect him), then those memories were likely true.

So, what? Shen Qingqiu really had tried to save her brother and just failed? He hadn't tried to kill him at all?

In those memories, she'd seen that Shen Qingqiu had been annoyed with helping her brother, that he didn't want to do it but had tried anyway. And that made more sense than him wanting to help. And then he'd had a qi deviation, and the memories became too confused for anyone to know how exactly Liu Qingge died. Had he died from the qi deviation on his own? Had Shen Qingqiu messed up healing his meridians because he himself was deviating, and that killed him? Or, had they fought while they were both out of their minds and Shen Qingqiu just happened to be the one who was left standing?

The fire in her heart wasn't gone, but she knew that, had this been evidence at a trial for someone who wasn't him, having a qi deviation would have likely had him ruled innocent. It would have been seen as a tragic accident.

But this was Shen Qingqiu. There was so much he had done- could he really be not quite as guilty as they thought?

Was letting any of that fire go out betraying her brother? Or was refusing to accept evidence dishonorable?

She wished she knew the answer.

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"A-Luo?"

Luo Binghe tore his gaze away from his Shizun with great effort, finding that his wife had joined him in Shen Qingqiu's room. Ning Yingying reached out a gentle hand to place it on his shoulder. The pad of her thumb began to rub soothing circles over his robes. With a deep sigh, Luo Binghe let those shoulders fall. At the same time, his face fell forward, wild curls hiding his expression from view. It, however, could do nothing to hide the exhausted distress in his voice:

"He's dying, Yingying…"

The fingers stilled.

"I know…," she sighed. "But Shizun has always been strong. He'll… I'm sure he'll manage to pull through, in the end."

Luo Binghe didn't disagree with her aloud, though he wasn't quite as optimistic. The fact was that Shen Qingqiu was only getting worse, and his soul would shatter if he was even shifted a little too quickly. The situation contained little hope.

"If he dies now, I won't be able to bring him back again," Luo Binghe told her instead, breath shuddering. "His soul likely won't even be able to move on- it'll just cease to exist."

He could hear his wife take in a shaky breath behind him.

"Is there any news of something that might cure him?"

"Nothing that's been found so far has worked," he replied dejectedly. "They improve things for a short while, but not long enough for his soul to recover, so he just gets worse again."

"There has to be something," Ning Yingying insisted.

Luo Binghe just nodded.

"But I have to find it," he sighed.

"You will. You always do."

He nodded again.

Shen Qingqiu remained as still as a corpse.

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After another day of watching Shen Qingqiu wither away, Luo Binghe found himself unable to take it anymore. Watching him die felt like ripping his own heart out, and though Luo Binghe was still terrified that Shen Qingqiu would die the second he blinked, he nonetheless found himself unable to stand being in that room for even a single second longer. As such, he found his legs forcing him up abruptly, almost against his will, and dragged his body out of the room.

He didn't even know how he reached the garden, the same one he'd brought Shen Qingqiu to.

Heavens, he wished that he could repeat that day forever instead of this endless hell. He'd started that day in high spirits- almost excited- as he thought that Shen Qingqiu would finally be pleased with him, that he'd actually be just a little happy, for just a little while. And then his Shizun had acted terrified at the idea of leaving that room, and Luo Binghe had simply been so shocked. Of all things, he had never thought that Shen Qingqiu would not only reject an opportunity to escape captivity, but that he wouldn't even want to. It made Luo Binghe feel worse than he had about half of what he'd done to the man. But then, once the drugs were working enough to keep the man's anxiety down (and after he had finished sobbing), Shen Qingqiu had appeared somewhat happy as they walked through the gardens. Or, he at least looked a little lighter.

The demon lord had expected to be able to repeat that day whenever he wanted, repeat it until he didn't need to drug his Shizun to keep him calm, repeat it until Shen Qingqiu might be able to wander some of the castle freely (once Luo Binghe was sure he wouldn't try to run away- not because he was afraid to, but because he didn't want to). He wanted Shen Qingqiu to be alive and well and his.

Not this.

He was standing in the garden's center, staring unblinkingly at a pale fish swimming in the pond before him, when he heard a voice call out.

"Husband."

Instantly, a fiery rage filled the hole in his chest, making his hands clench until his nails pierced into the flesh of his palms.

"Liu Mingyan, unless you want to lose that pretty head of yours, I suggest you make yourself scarce," the demon threatened.

"I will leave you be as soon as I speak," she said, daring. "I still hate Shen Qingqiu. I still believe he killed my brother. But under the circumstances, I can't pretend it was entirely within his own power without ignoring the truth."

He opened his mouth to spit something back, but she continued speaking before he could.

"As such, I regret being so hasty with my sword. I lost myself to rage," she said. "So, I will fix my mistakes."

"And what does that mean, exactly?" he seethed.

She took a deep breath in.

"I found out about an artifact that should save his life," Liu Mingyan announced. "It's a magic amulet that stabilizes souls. I've heard tales of it saving those seconds from dying in a qi deviation."

Despite his rage, a spark of hope still managed to light itself amongst the larger inferno.

"How did you find out about such a thing?"

He turned his head just a little, enough to see her out of the corner of his eye. Luo Binghe had not heard of such an amulet, despite having researched many different ways to heal Shen Qingqiu, but this world seemed to have an endless supply of various healing herbs and spiritual objects. It may just be something that hasn't been mentioned yet, perhaps something rare enough that it lay forgotten by most.

"My… brother told me about it once."

He turned toward her fully, giving her an appraising look.

"… And where can I find this amulet?"

"… It's located in a hidden cavern on Qing Jing Peak."

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I feel like the beginning of the chapter might be a little mean after not updating for a while, but well, that's just what it was already. Haha…

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