Chapter 72 - Toil and Trouble

Author's Note: Anakin tries to help and Ahsoka is conflicted.

~ Amina Gila

Sneaking to Coruscant and breaking into the Empress' apartment isn't the easiest thing Anakin's ever done. He doesn't even know if he's going to get anywhere by doing this, at least not until he sees Mina in person. She doesn't wake when he silently slips into her room, but he can feel the way the Dark Side is twisted unnaturally around her.

This is why he wanted Ahsoka to come here with him, because she would have far better of an idea how to handle it.

Thank you Padme. Not.

But he'll have to try doing this on his own because they're out of time. The Rebel leaders are already pushing for a major retaliation against the Empire, especially in light of Ahsoka's capture. He is still angry about that. Even if he... is wary about trusting her, too. She agrees to help them now but he doesn't know how long that will stay true – even if he feels bad for thinking that.

Closing his eyes, Anakin reaches into the Force, prodding at the darkness wrapped around Mina. It's not as firmly ingrained around her as he thought. Must've been from some kind of Sith ritual because when he's focusing with the Force he can try to break through it.

And hope that it doesn't hurt her in the process. All he can do is concentrate on it, on flooding the Force around her with Light until he feels the web of darkness shatter.

He's breathing hard from the effort of it when he opens his eyes – in time to see Mina jolting awake.

Oh.

Uh oh.

This is not good. At all. He wasn't supposed to get caught. And he could try to mind-trick his way out of here, but maybe explaining why he came in the first place would be better.

"Who are you?" she demands sharply, instantly reaching for – probably something to call for security.

"Wait!" Anakin protests, darting forwards and holding his hands up, "I am – just here to... speak to you. I know that is not what it looks like. Padme sent me." Well, he had told her his plan before leaving and she agreed it was a good idea.

"Padme? She sent you?" Mina asks, flipping a light on and studying him. Recognition dawns in her eyes a second later. "Anakin?"

He knew her so briefly he wasn't sure she'd even remember. "It's me," he confirms, "I... I do not know if you were aware, but the Sith Master has been doing something to you. I came here to – break it."

She frowns. That she doesn't immediately brush it off makes him wonder if she actually senses something to it. "How would you know that?" Mina asks, finally.

"I could sense it. I – I think I broke it. Do you feel any different? I mean – " He has no idea how to ask a total stranger something like that. It's...

"I don't know," Mina replies, standing, "But things have been... different since I became Empress." She doesn't elaborate on what that means, but if she's felt unusually violent or just wrong since becoming Empress, it's hardly his business to ask her about it. It probably worked something a little like with the clones' chips.

"It wasn't Ahsoka who did it," Anakin adds, because she needs to know this if she's going to be in control, "She did not know anything about it. It was her master – Darth Sidious. Former Chancellor Palpatine."

Mina stills. "He's a Sith?"

Anakin nods. "I know it may be difficult to believe, but he is the one who was behind the war. He orchestrated it, worked with Dooku from the Republic side."

"Dooku would never do that," Mina objects.

"He was a Sith, too. He learned it from somewhere."

She seems uncertain how to reply to that. Probably best to just move on, and let her try to process it.

"Padme believed that you truly wanted to end the conflict with the peace talks, and that it was... others who insisted on destroying the Rebellion," Anakin says, hesitantly, "This fight needs to end and we are still willing to have talks if an explanation could be offered to the Rebellion as to why the last ones ended how they did."

"General Tano and many in the military were pressuring, and I... agreed." Her gaze drifts to the window, expression troubled. "Perhaps you were right about... what the Sith did. I will reopen peace talks immediately if the Rebellion is still willing."

Presumably, because agreeing to it at the time made perfect sense and now she has no idea why she did that at all. "They will be," Anakin promises, "And I... I did not come here to cause any trouble. I will leave before your security realizes anything is amiss."

"I won't ask how you were able to get past it to begin with," she replies, flatly. She'd probably be a lot more troubled if he wasn't someone she knew in the first place, he imagines.

Anakin nods. "I didn't intend to disturb you." He turns away, soundlessly slipping from the room again.

Hopefully, this will actually get somewhere. He can feel Lux still sleeping in another room, and while he'd like to see him again, Lux will probably hear about it. And be thankful that his mother can finally feel free to be herself again.

**w**

The walls of the prison cell feel like they're closing in on her. Ahsoka rests her head against the wall, just... brooding, really.

Can't seem to get herself to focus on anything but that. Can't stop thinking about everything Anakin said to her, either. She just wanted to help. That's all she ever wanted to do, but then the Council and Obi-Wan were always telling her how she had to do it, and she couldn't always agree, and she –

She thought that leaving Tatooine meant she would be free, and Anakin's not wrong that it felt like once she finally broke free from the Jedi, she would be free. But it didn't really feel like it, because it did nothing to end the emptiness inside of her. And she's no longer sure if what she was doing was helping at all. Not after talking to him and after... thinking about the destruction that's resulted.

She thought she knew what she was doing. And she knows she's questioned that many times, but now is one of those times where it really doesn't feel like she can remind herself of all the reasons that she's done everything she did. She can't stop thinking about the Temple suddenly and everything that happened there, and the... Some of the other things she'd done.

All of them certainly aren't things she feels bad about – she could never regret Zygerria no matter how many people she killed there – but she doesn't know... Anakin has asked her many times before when the need to do things for "the greater good" ends, and she doesn't know the answer to that anymore. Doesn't know if she ever did.

If only there was someone she could ask, but there isn't, really. Not anyone who wouldn't just force their views on her, and just... ugh.

Noise from outside her cell draws her attention, and Ahsoka looks up to see Anakin approaching. Her hope flares instantly, and it's frankly ridiculous how much she's missed him when he's only been gone a day. She trusts that he's going to get her out of here, even if she doesn't know why. Maybe it's also just a little that right now she doesn't care if she gets out of here, because she doesn't even... know what she wants anymore.

(Maybe what she really wants is to stop fighting and just live for once, but that feels way too much like giving up.)

"Ahsoka? Are you alright?" he asks, stepping into her cell.

She waves a hand. "Well enough."

Anakin doesn't look very persuaded. "I've spoken to Rebel command and I think they will agree to let you out once they've settled something with the Empire. I was right about Mina – I freed her and she reopened negotiations. I hope it will amount to something."

They can hope. Ahsoka's not very persuaded. "You're doing well," she tells him.

He blinks, entirely caught off-guard. "Am I?" he sounds almost shy. It's a little adorable when he looks like that.

She touches his shoulder and he leans forwards, promptly smothering her in a hug again. "Yes."

Anakin was supposed to be the Chosen One. The one to balance everything – at least he actually seems to know what he's doing.

Was everything she did for nothing?

Maybe the galaxy would've been better off if she hadn't gotten involved at all. If she – But after everything she's fought for, was it just – pointless? Just a twisted desire of her own to matter? She can't...

Doesn't know what to do with that implication. Can't stop drowning in everything that comes with that, though.

"What's wrong?" Anakin asks, looking up to meet her gaze. Of course he could sense that downward spiral. "Aside from that you're being unfairly held here."

She's reluctant to just dump her emotions on him – that's something she always used to with Kitster but he's gone now. Anakin is the only one he has left, and... To be fair, maybe he's her little brother and she'll never see him as anything but little, but he's not a little child anymore. He's almost an adult – somehow – and she needs to remember that. He's... mature now, and it's not like she has anyone else to talk to.

Or probably ever well.

(Things fell this far because she never had anyone to talk to. Even if it's not like anyone wanted her to talk to them anyway. All Padme and Obi-Wan ever did was fight with her.)

"Was everything I did for nothing?" Ahsoka asks bluntly, pulling away. She can't have a conversation this... emotional when they're this close to each other. "The Council and Sidious wanted me to be their weapon and I was. And when I wasn't their weapon, I was my own. I don't know that I've ever done anything other than destroying. That's what I am."

Destruction.

Death.

Probably why the name Osira rang with her so well. She doesn't know that she entirely wants it anymore, though. She... stopped thinking of herself by that name slowly, since the Malevolence was destroyed.

She's scared to trust someone to the extent that she is Anakin, to be this open about... anything, but this is Anakin, and for once, she believes it's not something she has a genuine reason to be worried about.

Anakin studies her, expression pained. "You're more than what you've done, Ahsoka. We all are. We're... part of a legacy. The same legacy. Everything you and Obi-Wan taught me is what I am, and... everything Obi-Wan taught you is what you have become. Your failures are not... all on you, but you are still more than... that."

She blinks, staring at him. "When did you become so thoughtful?"

Anakin smiles again – that shy smile that's somehow adorable. "I don't know."

What he's saying isn't... wrong, either. She just doesn't know where to go from here, what to do with the emotions strangling her. She's always ignored them, tried not to focus on them, but...

"Do you regret it?" Anakin asks, uncertainly, "What... anything that's happened?"

Ahsoka scoffs, bitterly. "A lot of it. But I don't know what else I should have done. Or what to do now."

Anakin bites on his lip. "I can't... tell you that. I do not know, either. But I... want to help everyone I can, too. The individual people. The – those who are always overlooked in 'the greater good'.

That's... so much of the problem, isn't it? Maybe – maybe she should try to do what he is. Maybe. She doesn't even know.

(What if she wants to stop fighting.? But she can't because that's giving up, and it was drilled into her on Tatooine that she can never do that.)

She still doesn't know what to do. She's just grateful that she has Anakin here for whatever happens next.

**w**

"Why am I hearing rumors about you taking an excursion to Coruscant alone?" Obi-Wan demands. He knew these peace negotiations would never go half as smoothly as everyone was hoping – he just wasn't expecting the Empire to turn on them and then to offer a genuine peace proposal that the Rebellion accepted. And the negotiations actually seem to be going somewhere, based on what he's heard from Rebel command.

"Because I did?" Anakin offers, sheepishly. It's also the first time he's seen Anakin since everything happened. He still doesn't know what to think of how they have Ahsoka imprisoned right here on this base. They captured her, and that – He doesn't know what that's going to mean. It's not in his control and maybe that's for the best, because he... has no idea what to do about any of that.

Especially not when he's hearing rumors about how she was intending to help them, but the Rebel command arrested her anyway in case she wasn't genuine. Which he can understand.

What if she was genuine?

He can't imagine that, though. Not after she killed all the Jedi. After... everything she did. Why would she suddenly turn on what she's been stubbornly standing for all this time?

"You could have at least told me before doing something so risky," he huffs, even if he's impressed at Anakin's ability to sneak there and back entirely unharmed.

"I will. ... Next time."

"I should hope there won't be a next time."

"Me too." The lightness fades from Anakin's gaze, his expression shadowing over. "Master, there's something I need to... talk to you about." And he's doing that blinking thing which means he's nervous about this 'something'.

"What?"

"It's about Ahsoka."

Of course. He expected as much, really.

Anakin shifts, avoiding his gaze. "I know what she did and what you think of her, but – I got through to her. Right before Senator Amidala insisted on having her arrested. She agreed to help us, but she – she needs help."

He once thought all Ahsoka needed was someone to help her, too. "I understand wanting to believe – "

"I know it, Master," Anakin interrupts. There's a desperation in his gaze that he's never seen quite this strongly before. "Do you think she'd still be here if she wanted to break out?"

No.

That... is a fair point. They have maximum security around her, but knowing Ahsoka, she could've slaughtered everyone in her path just like she did with the Jedi if she was trying hard enough to get out. But then why...? That doesn't make sense. She's a Sith. Why would she suddenly turn on the Sith Empire? "Perhaps not, but she could have other intentions."

"I know you're angry at her. But how can we make anything better if we're all too lost in that to help anyone?"

He knows he's not always good at knowing how or when to help people. But letting go of the grief and betrayal and anger and everything that's smothered him from the moment the Order fell and he found it was his first padawan who did it, is... Obi-Wan sighs. "I tried helping her before she fell this far, Anakin. It never went anywhere."

"I know why now. I mean – I... It's just that she's different from the other Jedi. Like I was."

He has no idea what Anakin's trying to say. "You mean because you both came late?" he repeats, dubiously. Not like that's a good excuse to get drowned in power and start destroying everything.

"That also but not only that. We were slaves before. We – " He looks like he's struggling for how to put this into words – and for how open Anakin always is, Obi-Wan has no idea how he also struggles with communicating what's on his mind sometimes. "To matter, to be worth anything, means proving how much you can do. She was supposed to be the Chosen One. To destroy things, so that's what she always tried to do."

"She was supposed to destroy the Sith," he objects. But really, he... He has no idea how much Anakin or Ahsoka's slave pasts impacted them. He's always felt hopelessly inadequate trying to deal with it.

Did he mess up with Ahsoka that badly? He thought she was moving on from it, but did she Fall because she never... could let go of it? Even if he doesn't really understand what all Anakin means.

"I know, but it was... destroying. And she wanted to be free, but she never was."

"She was free," Obi-Wan argues, "For years."

"But it never felt that way to her. There were always strict rules that she... Maybe we were both too old to belong in the Order, Master. I do not know. But she never fit in and she always felt like she was not free. No one ever helped her with that – I know you could not understand it. All she wanted to do was help and be free, and it – it led to what happened. But she wants to... to make things different now that she's seen where her actions took her, but she... I think it would help if you talked to her."

"Me?" Obi-Wan repeats. He gave up trying to reach out to her long ago. "I know I failed her Anakin, but she has never been receptive to me speaking to her. Even if she is starting to... come back – " Coming back from the Dark Side is impossible, so he doesn't know that he can believe what Anakin's saying, but maybe he should go see her, just to make sure she's not trying to manipulate Anakin or something else. " – me talking to her would not help."

Anakin breathes out sharply. He looks frustrated. "She doesn't believe you cared about her," he blurts out.

What?

That is... He's genuinely always felt that way about her. He knows he was never the master she needed – knows that he hurt her many times when he was trying to raise her – but how could she actually believe that?

"She thought you were only giving her attention for the – because of her power so she would be a good Jedi, and then you took me as a padawan. She – she feels as though you replaced her with... me as soon as you could. If she is going to balance herself, she needs help. But not – not to be told how she should feel."

Obi-Wan can't deny the sudden shame that coils inside of him.

He knows he started ignoring Ahsoka a lot more in favor of Anakin. The boy's light and intensity was addictive, and he can't deny that he started caring for him far faster than he ever had Ahsoka. Not that it ever meant he didn't care for her, but then things with them had become so strained and keeping distance was better.

But it meant he failed his promise to Qui-Gon. And he hopelessly failed his padawan. Maybe both of them. He hasn't made Anakin upset enough to want to leave, has he?

Maybe...

He's still angry at Ahsoka and he doesn't think he could ever truly stop after what she did, but it couldn't hurt to at least talk to her. At least see if this is truly genuine.

"I can talk to her," Obi-Wan concedes finally, "But I can't promise it will go anywhere."

Anakin nods, but he looks hopeful. "I know."

"And even if she's reconsidering her allegiances, she's still a Sith and lost to the Dark Side," he adds, as an afterthought.

He bites his lip, uncertainly. "She seemed lighter when I talked to her. She does not feel Dark. Just... lost."

Nothing like the Ahsoka he fought at the Senate, but maybe things have changed a little. He's still not very hopeful, but he can't stop thinking over Anakin's words, wondering how much of either of his padawans he's ever understood. "Letting go of the Dark Side is not that simple." It's not possible, period. "But I will talk to her and... see where things stand."

**w**

Staring at the same stupid wall of her cell is becoming very boring. So Ahsoka has no idea why she's feeling so... relieved that she doesn't have to worry about anything beyond herself right now. She tried so long to help and it always meant nothing, or maybe it's that she never knew what she was doing, and maybe...

(She can't stop thinking about the what if she just stops fighting but she can't give up like that, can she?)

Someone approaching catches her attention instantly, but the last person she's expecting to see here is... Obi-Wan?

What is he doing here? He's not someone she's looking forward to talking to ever again. Not after how any of their last interactions have gone. At least unlike with Padme, she can understand why he was angry enough to try killing her but that doesn't change how much she – she wanted so many things from him when she was a padawan that she never got and never will.

(Anakin got that instead.)

"What do you want?" Ahsoka demands, instantly on her feet the moment he enters. He can't be here for anything good.

"I'm only here to talk to you," Obi-Wan replies – that he sounds more toneless than angry throws her off more than anything else.

"Because I didn't spend enough of my padawan years hearing you talk," she blurts out. Antagonizing him is a bad idea, but well – she doesn't think much of anything she's done has been a good idea. Nor does she quite know what to do with the simultaneous guilt and fury burning inside her.

Obi-Wan's expression hardens. "I didn't come here to deal with your... attitude."

"Because you didn't come here for me at all, did you?" Ahsoka snarls. She has no idea where all her fury is bubbling out of suddenly when she's felt practically apathetic about most everything for the last some days. "You came here because Anakin asked you to. Because you only care for what he asks you to – but still not enough to not hurt him." Because he certainly has,unspeakably, like in the Hardeen incident. "Or is it just that all that's ever mattered to you is being a perfect Jedi and forget what that does to anyone around you? If that's all you have to tell me then just go away."

Yes, okay, she's been waiting to yell that for years. So she doesn't know why she feels slightly bad about it a second later, thinking about everything she did to the Jedi. But just a little.

Maybe it's just that she's expecting him to start yelling back but he doesn't – which is very unusual so there's no way he's not here because Anakin asked him to. "I know I failed you, Ahsoka," Obi-Wan says, finally.

You think? She doesn't say that, though. She feels suddenly exhausted. She can't believe he even... said that. "What clued you in?" Not when he wasn't being antagonistic at the same time, anyway.

He sighs. For once, he looks almost tired too. "Anakin talked to me about you. I didn't realize how much you were... hurt as my padawan."

Is that an apology? She has no idea what to say to that – it would be a lot easier if he was just yelling at her. Then she could be angry, too. "I don't know how you couldn't have seen it," she says, bluntly. Except that he was too focused on the Order.

"I wanted you to be the best Jedi. I never focused on how you were as... yourself."

"Why was it always about what you wanted?" She's not trying to be aggravating just this once. She's just... wondering.

She definitely doesn't miss the flicker of anger. He's definitely still furious at her. "It was my duty," he replies, curtly, "And I may understand that you had difficulties with fitting in, but I don't understand how that led to what you did."

The conversation will only go in circles. There's not really a point repeatedly defending her choices, not when she doesn't know what she should have done, or – or anything. "I can't change what I did, Obi-Wan. And I don't think you care to hear the reasoning."

"If there is reasoning¸ I would like to."

That's what she thought. "This is what I mean. You don't want to hear why."

"You destroyed the Order, Ahsoka."

"And you just want to be angry," she replies, bluntly. Which is... fair. Even if she's upset about it. She just wants to be angry at him, too, but right now she... can't be. Not entirely.

Obi-Wan huffs out a breath. Maybe just thinking about how true that is. "I do want to understand why, but perhaps now isn't the best time to talk about it. I only need to know if you're genuine that you want to... help us."

The distance hurts unreasonably, but it's probably better than yelling at each other. "I do," she replies, trying to convey the sincerity. "At least, I want to help Anakin." Because she's not intending to imply that 'wanting to help' means she's going to listen to everything Obi-Wan demands of her.

He nods. "Very well. I'll speak to Rebel command. And you should know that I never intended to... ignore you in favor of Anakin."

Anakin told him about that? Okay, it was probably pretty obvious anyway and... fair enough. "Felt like you did. Like I never mattered to you unless it was to make me a good Jedi."

"That was my duty. That wasn't what I intended it to come across as."

He... must mean it or he wouldn't be saying it. She wants to feel like someone actually cares to take care of her – and not by forcing her to be what they want. But she's still wary, and she can't trust again that easily. Maybe she won't be able to ever again, but she's willing to go for a tentative truce. Better than fighting all the time, because she's not really up to that right now. "I know why you're angry at me," she admits grudgingly, because she probably ought to say that, "But I do mean what I said about helping."

Obi-Wan lingers a moment longer, before turning to go. "I'll see what I can do."

Well.

That went far better than it could have.

She wishes things didn't have to fall this far for someone to pay attention to her, though. The kind of attention she actually wants. But there's no use brooding about what's gone and is never coming back. She can only look to the future, even while she's unsure what she intends to do with herself in the future. If she gets that choice any more than she ever has.

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