Have you seen that video of that girl who explains whay you can't use leggins when you practice pole dance?
That's what I was thinking when I made this fic. Personally, I find it hillarious.
Warnings: Not beta read (yet), Angel Dust being Angel Dust
English is not my first language, and although I can easily read it, and somehow write it, I can't, for the life of me, write (or translate in this case) in english, so I'm sorry in advance for any mistake
The pole
Charlie isn't quite sure how things escalated to this point. Well, no, she knows how they ended up in the situation before this, and it's all, in Vaggie's words, Angel Dust's fault, but if someone were to ask her, she wouldn't blame the spider but rather how incredibly convincing he can be.
It all started because Charlie had struck an agreement with the elusive, and frankly repulsive if she were forced to describe him accurately, boss of Angel. The correct word was concession instead of agreement, and it had come from Alastor, as an Overlord, rather than from her, but tomato, tomato, right? The point is that after a discussion among Overlords, the content of which Charlie isn't very eager to find out, they managed to "convince" Valentino to reduce the hours of the spider demon in the studio and allow him to do other jobs that didn't involve selling his... services and, therefore, decrease any interaction that might serve as temptation to relapse into drugs, allowing him to participate more in the activities of the Hotel for his redemption; she's not clear on what the other Overlord got in return apart from the fact that at least one week every two months the spider would dedicate solely and exclusively to the studio. It seemed reasonable to Charlie, really, but Angel's somber expression was more than enough to let her know that there was something more at stake, but neither he nor Alastor had informed her of what it was, and she doesn't have the courage to ask again after the spider's visceral reaction and the clear disgust on the deer's face the only time she did.
So, with more free time on his hands than he had had in almost seventy years, and a week after making that deal, Angel had started insisting that he needed a dance pole.
"Youse were da one insistin' on dis agreement, toots'' the spider had said, arms crossed, irritation written all over his face. "And frankly, Val hasn't let me work at da club for a long time. I'm gonna make da most of it, but for dat, I need somethin' to practice new routines with.''
''You're not going to install one of those... things in your room'' Vaggie protested angrily ''We've given you enough concessions regarding the decoration of your space.''
''Exactly! What's one more, eh?'' the demon turned to look at her, raising his main arms with exasperation.
''I said no. Charlie, tell him no.''
''Char-Char'' the arachnid's attention returned to her with such intensity that she had to take a step back, waving her hands to dissipate the sudden tension in the air. ''Look at it dis way, it's good exercise to keep me in shape, and! also to distract da noggin from da effects of withdrawal'' to demonstrate his point, he spread his four limbs to his sides, the slight tremors in his fingers and spasms in his arms being ignored by the spider in order to get his point across, but not by Charlie, who couldn't help but look at him with some guilt, ''We can lay down a schedule dat don't interfere with work or your... redemption activities or whatever.''
''I'm not sure, Angel'' Charlie looked from her girlfriend, who was shaking her head frantically behind Angel, to the spider, who was practically pleading with his face for her to grant his request, ''I don't think it's a good idea...''
''Da other option is to hoof it over to the club to practice'' he suddenly interrupted, shrugging and crossing his arms, his expression changing to an indifferent look at the tip of his gloves in his right main hand. "But it seems to me dat dat will throw a wrench in your plan and all dis arrangement will be kaput."
''For God's sake'' Vaggie huffed, irritated ''Charlie, you can't...''
''Okay! How about we reach a middle ground?'' the huge smile that spread across the spider's face must have been indicative that it was a bad idea to agree so easily.
But no, Charlie had allowed the installation of this pole, making the decision that it couldn't be placed in Angel Dust's room because it would imply modifying it in a way that went against his rehabilitation agreement. That's how they ended up with an elongated dance pole in the center of a room that wasn't really used for much, but still counted as a common room that could be used by any of the inhabitants if they so desired. The fact that it was one of the few common rooms where the fireplace was more or less functional meant that more than one person was drawn to it in leisure time after all, hence the rule that Angel could only use it if it was unoccupied.
At first, with the schedule established by Charlie and Angel, no one had the misfortune of interrupting the spider during his "practice" hours, as they rarely coincided with others' free time. Of course, good things don't last forever, and as if fate were determined to ruin things for Angel, the first person to enter the room during his schedule was none other than Alastor.
In reality, the blame for this first incident wasn't on anyone. Alastor had been absent attending to some matters as Overlord the week Angel spent bothering Charlie to install his pole, and in the days after he started using it, he hadn't needed to wander into any other room of the hotel apart from his office, the bar, or the kitchen, so the demon hadn't noticed the new addition. Not because he couldn't spy on what was happening there with his shadows, but because his affairs were more important than keeping an eye on the guests, and he trusted that Charlie could handle everything for a couple of days in his absence, right?
Imagine his surprise when, upon entering the room to enjoy a couple of hours with a good book and a cup of coffee, he came across a long metal rod extending from floor to ceiling, the place flooded with lively music that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at once. His smile froze on his face when, lifting his head to inspect the top of the pole, he found Angel Dust hanging from it, supported only by his legs, or more specifically his thighs.
''Oh! Hiya, Smiles. Sorry, the joint's occupied,'' the spider's words barely registered in his mind, distracted by the horror that quickly replaced surprise at the other demon's attire.
Usually, and even though he found the spider's choice of clothing irritating, he could simply ignore him as long as he didn't address him with one of his suggestive remarks. Usually, despite his neckline leaving little to the imagination and his choice of short skirts being made to facilitate his work, there was some "decency" in what he wore inside the hotel. This, what he was wearing at that moment, was anything but decent. From his position on the floor, he could see that the only things covering his legs were some high striped stockings of white and pink, accompanied by dark pink shorts so short that they could hardly be considered pants and rather looked like any other piece of underwear, and his chest was barely covered by a sleeveless white blouse. A blouse that, when the spider turned to sit "down" on the pole using his hands to lower himself, only managed to cover half of his torso, leaving visible two pink lines that slid down his fur, joining into a single line until disappearing at the edge of the shorts and the place where his navel would surely be if he still had a human form.
"... but I was just about done anyway," his attention immediately returned to the spider when his final words registered, not because of what he had said but because at that very moment he leaned over to pick something up, causing his pants to tighten under the strain until...
Without a word, he disappeared into the shadows before Angel Dust could straighten up, missing the confused look on the spider's face as he suddenly found himself alone.
The next unfortunate one was Husk, although fortunately he didn't encounter Angel while he was finishing his routine but when he was about to start. Just like with Alastor, the problem was apparently the spider's attire, this time a remarkably short pleated skirt accompanied by a tight crop top through whose neckline only a bit of Angel's chest fuzz escaped, and of course, his high stockings.
The surprise of seeing how the spider agilely climbed the pole with only his main hands turned into embarrassment when he leaned sideways to then raise a leg with the intention of wrapping it around it, causing the skirt to slide down with gravity exposing what was underneath. Husk turned and quickly left the room before realizing that in reality nothing of the spider was exposed other than a short pair of shorts attached to the skirt. In his haste, the cat completely forgot that the reason he entered the room was to deliver a message to Angel from Charlie.
The incidents could have been easily ignored if it weren't for the fact that they were repeated on multiple occasions, Angel Dust never noticing that every time another inhabitant of the hotel intruded during his schedule, they ended up leaving in various degrees of discomfort, horror, or disgust. Sir Pentious, in fact, once emitted a scream so loud that it made him lose concentration on what he was doing, and if it weren't for his reflexes, he would have fallen flat on his face, which wouldn't have been pleasant at all. Of course, each incident had been followed by a complaint reported directly to Charlie, who had tried to de-escalate the annoyance of those involved and talk to Angel at the same time, but had no opportunity to inform the spider of the complaints no matter how hard she tried.
The proverbial straw that broke the hypothetical camel's back was the moment when the unfortunate one to have an incident was Vaggie.
The woman had refused to tell Charlie exactly what she witnessed that warranted her disproportionate anger, but she had remained firm that they needed to intervene immediately or, flat out, get rid of the pole and be done with it. Nobody, of course, had stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, it was their own fault, and a little bit of Charlie's, for not keeping up with the usage schedule posted on the door of the room.
So, they all ended up that day gathered in the room, waiting for Angel to have a more or less civilized conversation. The idea is to have a civilized conversation, but from Vaggie's irritated look, Husk's uncomfortable one, and Sir Pentious's tense smile, Charlie knows there was a good chance there would be more shouting than she'd like. This conversation was supposed to be between her and Angel alone, calmly and kindly until they reached an agreement, but once the others found out there would finally be an intervention, they all signed up without even asking. Even Nifty had slipped into the room when she saw everyone heading there, although due to her lack of complaints in the last few days, Charlie is sure she was only there for the drama.
Her attention turns to the door as she hears it open and Angel walks through with his attention on his hellphone, and oh, Charlie can now see what the problem everyone was complaining about. The spider wears his inseparable stockings, this time in a pretty lime green color instead of the usual pink, short black shorts, and a tank top of the same green tone as the stockings that barely covers his chest, which isn't much considering that the neckline is so low that it exposes a large part of the fluff on it. The princess had seen Angel with little clothing before; hardly anyone living in hell hadn't, considering his face is plastered on every available surface in various degrees of nudity, but she must admit she had never seen him like this within the hotel; it was so easy to separate the actor posing for the cameras to promote his movies from the demon who had become her friend that sometimes she forgot they were the same person; his attire at that moment reminded her so abruptly that she was forced to take a deep breath to focus on the conversation ahead.
"Hey!" Angel's surprised voice brings her out of her thoughts, and ignoring the blush on her cheeks for having stared at him for so long, she looks up at the spider's face, who watches them tilting his head. "Do we got a group shindig today? I coulda sworn it's my turn to use the joint."
"In fact, Angel," Charlie clasps her hands nervously, smiling awkwardly, "that's what I'd like to talk to you about. You see, in the past few days, there have been some... complaints about the concessions we made and..."
"The pole has to go," Vaggie interrupts, seeing that her girlfriend won't get anywhere if she keeps going.
"Vaggie!" protests the blonde, looking at her girlfriend reproachfully.
"What? Why?!''Angel looks at her scandalized, crossing his arms, "We reached an agreement, I've done my part by stickin' to the schedules and showin' up to the stup... group activities."
"And you've done well, Angel! I'm proud of your commitment to..." Charlie starts approaching him a few steps desperately trying to cushion the fight that she's sure will happen.
"You clearly haven't fulfilled your part!" Vaggie points out huffing. "The point is that you were supposed to use it to prepare your routines, not perform them directly in the hotel with all your whore glory."
"What in the Sam Hill are youse talkin' about?" he places his secondary hands on his hips, trying as hard as possible to contain the anger that is starting to mix with his indignation.
"Nobody says anything about how you dress because we understand it's part of your job," the woman continues, approaching him and pointing at him from head to toe, "but this is too much. We all agree it's inappropriate, even for you."
"Vaggie, I don't think this is the best way to..." Charlie puts her hand on her shoulder trying to stop her, giving a look to the others for help.
"Hold your horses," Angel shakes his head moving his hands slightly in a 'stop' gesture, "now you lost me, doll. What's my practice threads gotta do with any of this?''
"Angel," Charlie intervenes before her girlfriend can say anything else that further escalates the situation. "What I was trying to say before being interrupted," she asserts looking at Vaggie so she doesn't interrupt her again, before sighing and returning her gaze to the demon, "is that we would like you to wear a more... um, well more..."
"Decent," Husk offers, taking a sip from his bottle of liquor.
"Modesssssst," Sir Pentious adds, who, since his arrival, had covered his eyes with one hand and the eye on his hat with the other.
"Suitable for a guest of this respectable establishment," Alastor finishes, stretching his smile tensely, the recording of boos playing from his microphone-cane.
"I think it's nice," Nifty says, swaying on her heels smiling widely at Angel. "You look quite good, Miss Angel."
But the spider doesn't pay attention to the cyclops's words, looking from Husk to Pentious to Alastor and back to Husk with his mouth open, surprised by their words. He closes his mouth tightly, furrowing his brow thinking about all the times his practice had been interrupted, analyzing their words and coming to the conclusion that everyone present had assumed that the clothing used for practice had something to do with his usual work and not something else.
''Have youse all been gripin' about dis in the last few days?" he asks looking down at Charlie, who squirms uncomfortably before nodding.
For a moment he feels indignant that no one bothered to ask him about it, or even personally ask him to change. He almost feels tempted to explain to them that the shorts or sleeveless blouses had a practical purpose rather than erotic, remembering having had a similar discussion with some newly arrived girls in hell, and at the club for work, who had never in their lives had to work with a pole on stage. He even reasons that he is very, very tempted to emphasize that, while he made sure to only use the room when it was empty, none of them had shown him the same courtesy. However, the various looks they give him, especially Vaggie's and Alastor's, make him grit his teeth tightly; it's clear that no matter how much he explains to them, they wouldn't understand the importance of a good grip even if he smacked them in the face with it.
Therefore, he decides, it's best to show them.
"Well, if youse want me to switch gears, I will."he raises his upper hands in surrender, the lower ones gesturing for them to stay in place, and before receiving a response, he turns on his heels and leaves the room.
"Okay," Charlie nods, confused, after a few seconds, "that was better than expected, right?"
"I was expecting more shouting," admits Vaggie, just as confused as her girlfriend.
"Ow, this wasn't any fun," laments Nifty, starting to clean around the room as if nothing had happened, leaving the room after a few seconds chasing some cockroaches.
"It was a rather productive meeting, princess," Alastor agrees, twirling his cane about to disappear into the shadows and end the matter, when Angel returns startling them all with the speed of his departure and return.
To everyone's surprise and for the first time since they've known him, excluding the day Alastor showed up at the hotel and changed their clothes, of course, Angel is wearing long pants up to the edge of his stockings, black and tight, although not tight enough to scandalize his audience, accompanied by a long-sleeved sweater long enough to cover just above the belt of the pants. Without saying a word and under the attentive gaze of those present, he walks towards the pole holding it with one hand; he looks at them attentively for a few seconds before placing the rest of his hands around the pole to start climbing it with agility, without using his legs, which, on any other occasion, more than one would admit is quite impressive.
His movements are agile and calculated, quickly climbing almost to the top lifting the rest of his body like a dead weight, and when he reaches the height he wants, he wraps his legs around the pole passing one under the other embracing it tightly with his thighs. Looking at them again from his new position, he releases his lower hands to put them on his waist, then releases one of his main hands dramatically placing it on his forehead and, without taking his gaze away from his absorbed audience, finally releases his last hand arching his body away from the pole. In an instant, as if a puppet whose strings are suddenly cut without warning, Angel's body begins to slide down the pole much faster than he climbed it; with horror almost everyone present watches as, in a blink of an eye, he reaches the floor with a dull thud.
"Angel!" Charlie rushes towards him, alarmed, being the first to react.
"What the hell?!" Vaggie and Husk are the next to approach helping the spider to stand up, who growls under noticing how one of his lower hands ended up twisted at a weird angle upon falling, realizing that it was probably a bad idea to put them on his waist.
"I'll get the firssssst aid kit!" Sir Pentious shouts, slipping out of the room as quickly as possible.
"Okay, well, dat wasn't supposed to happen." Angel holds his hand with the upper ones to examine the extent of the damage.
''Oh, Angel, are you okay? Does it hurt?" Charlie covers her lips with her hands, not very sure of what to do, stifling a scream when Vaggie hits one of the spider's upper arms, eliciting an Italian curse from him due to the force of the blow.
''That's the stupidest and most irresponsible thing you've done so far," scolds the woman, ignoring his protests.
''And the most entertaining so far," Alastor adds, a bunch of canned laughter playing from his microphone-cane. "Bravo!" he adds, applauding dramatically, overlooking the irritated looks from the others.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm glad I made your week, Smiles... and he's scrammed." Angel rolls his eyes, squeezing his hand between the upper ones before pulling it forcefully until a small 'pop' sounds in the joint; the only indication that the action hurt him is the litany of curses in Italian that he murmurs under his breath.
''Oh for Satan's sake, Angel!" Charlie moves frantically from side to side of Angel, reaching out her hands to take the spider's hand and then pulling them away for fear of hurting him, and his laughter does absolutely nothing to calm her nerves.
"I hope it's crystal why I can't sport, what did you call it? 'Decent' duds?" he says looking at Husk, pinching his arm gently with his free hand, earning a smack from the cat's tail. "They're a danger to the hoofer's safety."
''Okay, but..." Vaggie furrows her brow, still conflicted between concern for the spider's injury and annoyance that he went so far to prove a point, "I don't think you need to wear shorts that short..."
"I gotta use my thigh 'cause I can't use my gams." he extends a hand pointing at the stockings, "An' before you ask, no, I never peel 'em off." he clarifies before anyone can make the stupid comment that it would be best to remove them. "It's none of your beeswax why, and I'm not hurt, Charlie, I just need to put it in mothballs for a couple of days." he pats her head with one of his main hands, sighing softly.
''Well, I think..." Charlie takes a deep breath trying to calm herself, "I think it's best to let Angel install the pole in his room, so nobody will interrupt him and there won't be any more complaints. What do you say?
Husk and Vaggie reluctantly agree, ignoring the giggles that escape from the spider, giggles that turn into laughter when Sir Pentious enters again carrying a first aid kit in his arms, but he goes so fast that his tail gets tangled and he stumbles.
Letting the snake and Charlie bandage his hand to immobilize it, he thinks that he certainly could have just used his words, but the horror in their eyes as they watched him fall was damn worth it. He could even ignore the sadistic gleam in Alastor's eyes in favor of reveling in the guilt that hangs over all the others.
The only bad thing is that Valentino wouldn't like at all having to give him a couple of extra days off until his hand returns to normal, although he could certainly do his routine with just three available arms the terms of his agreement with the Radio Demon would prevent him from being too hard on him. One of the few advantages of the predicament Charlie had put him in with his boss, but, in turn, a great benefit that he intends to take full advantage of.
He'll deal with the consequences of his little act when the time comes. For now, he's going to focus on reinstalling the pole in his room as he wanted to do from the beginning.