Getting Up - (Twilight AU, Charlie-MC)
The booze was good. It shouldn't be, not after a few glasses already down the throat, but it was giving him the 'kick' he needed to keep awake.
Despite his duties as a police officer, Charlie Swan was not there mentally. He had lied to Billy Black, his first friend ever, that he would be going home just an hour ago. And yet he was still there, slouched at one of the couches in the bar.
Life was unfair, and he couldn't understand how things had gone so badly for him.
A few months ago, everything was perfect: his parents were faring better, his wife was recovering from a postpartum fright, and his baby girl was smiling and giving joy all around.
Then… it all came crashing down.
First his mother, then his father. Their illnesses got worse, too severe to be left at the hands of a few nurses and a doctor. Charlie thought it was reasonable for him to put more time into the case, but he had severely mistaken Renée's plight.
It wasn't just postpartum, it wasn't just dissatisfaction for not being there – it was her attitude towards a 'settled life'. An adventuring heart, and one he thought he had conquered through love and understanding.
The divorce had blindsided him after what he thought would have been a 'path towards therapy'. She had opened up, he did so too, but Charlie was the only one that kept by his words.
He couldn't blame her. Not without hurting Bella too.
Part of him wanted to say it was an amicable split, but Renée knew her claim over their daughter was outrageous. He could only see her during Summertime, and the woman had already started looking for other men to 'find new friends'.
Charlie should have been angrier, but he held back. Not just for Bella, but also his own parents. Helen Swan died six months after her husband, leaving Charlie alone for the first time in his whole life.
The house he had created, meant to be filled with the warmth of a family and the hopes of giving them all a good future now was a husk – the fitting representation of what his life had turned into.
Despite the craving for more mind-numbing alcohol, Charlie paid the owner, and then departed from the pub. A quick glance at the parked car of his left him perplexed. Part of him wanted to ignore the notion of being caught driving drunk, but the rest of his remaining mind reminded him that he couldn't afford it.
Out of everything that was left for him was his job. He was close to being promoted, and he shouldn't just rush to make mistakes. Not like this. Shaking his head, the man just departed by foot.
Alone, it was raining and the feeling of cold droplets dropping upon him further left him miserable. He was utterly drenched once he got home, and he pushed himself to the tub of his house to clean up.
He was quite lazy through the hard work, the booze influencing him to be quite sloppy in what products to use, but he ultimately made it out of the bathroom dried up and clean… but also tired.
Charlie grumbled when he landed on the couch, his body unwilling to make it to his bed. The welcoming sofa was not free enough to lie properly in it. Books and books about therapy still remained, a forgotten task that he had deemed unpleasant to complete.
Tired his body was, but the mind slowly regained some lucidity. He couldn't sleep. The man just lingered passively there, resting without sleeping. It was frustrating as he couldn't find peace with that quiet tapping of the rain against the house, yet perhaps this was a new kind of punishment.
Inaction, that was his sin.
Turning and turning again, Charlie Swan finally found his stare aimed at the books. Initially, he perceived them as a taunt of sorts- a reminder of what foolish hope he held in fixing his ruined marriage but… then he saw a few of those were not about couples.
It was personal stuff such as confidence and 'doing the right thing'. He had fished them out of the library together with the rest, thinking that it was the sort of thing that Renée would have wanted to see out of him: a better and more understanding man.
Yet, that plan was long gone… but not the feeling of inadequacy.
His hand tiredly approached the closest book. A 'Guide on Understanding Yourself'. What a generic name, but alas something that Charlie thought a good start to face this sleepless night.
An hour of reading became two as another book tagged along, then more time went on as Charlie's mind was pulled away from the dark thoughts of what a mess he was stuck with, and the man found some validation within the lines of these 'experts'.
Some weren't even licensed, but those that weren't were actually people that were trying to 'use their experiences'. None of those came close to his hellhole of a situation, but a couple details hit deep within his misunderstanding on how his bond with Renée died.
It wasn't just her fault- it was his too. Not only because he thought love was what his ex wife needed to accept a settled life, but because he thought that he was what she needed.
Admittedly, the marriage was rushed, but there was no way he could backtrack on the joy Bella gave him. His daughter was not a cause of pain to either of her parents, but it sure felt like Renée resented their child as a source of 'hesitation'.
There was also the chance she had thought Charlie would have used Bella as a reason to 'stay separated but make it work'. It was a thought that had briefly kept in his mind, but he found it wrong on multiple levels.
Their daughter should be spared from this mess. And yet… was Reneé the right choice?
The logical reason within the current shared custody's agreement was based on the idea that Charlie was too busy with his work to keep an eye on their daughter. But it was also true that Billy wouldn't mind having one of his relatives keep about and babysit the girl if he was busy with work.
It wasn't ideal, but then the man thought of Renée before they had Bella, and how she was extremely unruly about some things. She was 'barely an adult' in her mind, always trying to be playful and flirtatious around him, and always looking for parties.
It was fine to feel 'hotblooded' within the lens of a young adult, but she had responsibilities, and while he wasn't willing to go as far as to consider her irresponsible just yet, the idea that she may actually be forgetful of Bella's own wellbeing was sickening to his heart.
He would just wait and see, but for now he should work on himself. A quick look towards his current self proved he was in no position to claim a moral high ground. He was drunk, he looked miserable, and he was working on general ideas.
He had no plan, and this was tantamount of being a reckless rookie at his work.
Charlie needed to shake that up. And while his body hadn't fully recovered by the time the new morning dawned upon Forks, the man got off the couch and got himself paper and a pen.
One of the pieces of advice presented by these 'confidence boost books' worked around 'having a clear plan in mind' or 'a list of things to do'.
His days needed to be filled with activities, but he also had to take steps to radically prepare for the different reality of parenthood he was stuck with: this could no longer be a 'house for a family', not without making it seem like he was still hoping for things to get better between him and his ex wife.
Then he had to prepare for Bella's visits. He could just think of this as a normal visit after a few days of 'being away', but rather his daughter spending a single month in Summer with him.
Forks was not a city for kids. At least, not as it used to be. And not for kids like Bella. Even as a four years-old child, Bella was quite expressive to a more 'restrained nature' when compared to her mother. She was even more shy than Charlie used to be before meeting Billy.
The quick answer to that would be to let some of Billy's kids play with her and hope one of them could break the shell. But since the divorce was a fresh event in her mind, perhaps it was best to not push on it. The month was meant to be spent together, not with him pushing her to other locals.
Nodding to himself as he wrote more lines, Charlie felt like he was making progress in what he was inwardly calling a 'process to get up'. He had hit rock bottom as far as he could think of his current state of life: he was alone between a divorce and losing both his parents.
He was crawling by the floor, and he couldn't expect for someone to lift him up. He had to be the one to get up.
And Charlie was going to get up by fixing his life, step by step.
AN
Out of all the characters in Twilight, Charlie always struck me as the most unlucky, I just didn't realize how unfair life has been to him. His wife literally left him because 'they rushed things' and because 'he focused so much on his old parents'. Charlie's parents were really old, and he was an only child that came to be when both were in their 40s. It has to have stung a lot when everything just came crashing down.
What happens when a good man hits rock bottom? Either they compromise their morality, they turn miserable, or they actually look to 'get up'.
P.S. Yes, Charlie does get a pairing, but I am not telling who just yet.