Chapter 15

Grace leaned on the cabinet behind her, still holding Lucas close. She didn't have a clue what caused this breakdown. He didn't strike her like a man who loses his composure. No… this felt like some pent up feelings exploding after being hidden for a long time.

Lillian came back and quietly swept the pieces of plates away so neither Grace or Lucas would cut themselves on it. She and Grace exchanged worried looks as Lucas didn't even notice Lillian. Actually, he didn't notice anything.

Lillian pointed upstairs and mouthed to Grace that she will have a room prepared for Lucas to stay overnight. Grace nodded, mouthing "thank you".

As Lillian went back upstairs, Grace looked down at Lucas, sensing a change in his breathing. Like the worst was coming to an end.

She hesitated only for a second and then ran her fingers through his dark hair, gently caressing his head. His thick, rich hair felt incredibly soft under her fingers.

It looked like her fingertips caressing his head reached to something that was broken inside of him. She felt him flinching.

"I'm sorry", she heard him mumble, his voice hoarse and broken.

"Sssshhh, it's alright. Don't hold anything in, let it all out", she whispered.

"I'm so sorry", he repeated like he didn't hear her, his head shaking a bit, his tears still not stopping.

"Lucas, there's nothing to apologize for. Never apologize for how you feel, it will only destroy you", she said gently, her fingers still caressing his hair.

They sat in silence for a few moments and Grace could feel Lucas calming down. His breathing was calming down.

Skin of her shoulder was warm against his cheek, the scent of chamomile shampoo in her hair calming his senses. Her fingertips in his hair felt so calming and out of this world.

Never in his life did he feel like this.

In her arms he felt like he was home.

Grace felt him relax a bit in her arms and heard him whisper:

"I don't usually break down like this".

"Nothing wrong with that, Lucas", she said silently and gave him a few moments to ponder it before she gently moved her head a bit so she could look at his face "Do you wanna talk about it?"

His brown eyes watched her and she could feel him struggling.

Grace shrugged slightly.

"It might help you. Unless you feel uncomfortable talking about such private matters with a stranger", she suddenly felt quite unsecure.

Lucas' eyes shone as he caught her glance.

"You are hardly a stranger, Grace", he took a deep breath and exhaling, he whispered, his voice broken "In fact, you seem to understand me better than people I thought I knew."

She smiled sadly, waiting. She would give him all the time he needs to collect himself.

Her eyes never left him as Lucas pulled away slightly and leaned on the cabinet, his hand right beside hers on the floor. He stared at his feet, slightly shaking his head.

"I… I don't know where to begin", he whispered.

Grace took a deep breath in, watching him carefully.

"Well…you seemed to break down when Lillian said Jack's name", she saw his face grimace in pain and his eyes closed for a moment before he let out a strangled breath.

"Yeah", he whispered.

"So…why not tell me who was Jack in your life?", Grace gently encouraged him.

Lucas swallowed hard.

"Jack was my little buddy", he let out a shaking breath "Who almost became my son. And I wanted it with all my heart".

Grace slightly creased her eyebrows.

"Almost?"

Lucas nodded, his fingers finding hers on the floor. Grace let him take her palm in his hand and she gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I thought she loved me", she heard him whisper.

Grace looked at him in surprise. He smiled sadly.

"I was engaged. To a woman called Elizabeth. Her husband died in an accident four years ago. She was left alone with a baby. I met her three years ago when I moved from Cape Fullerton and I instantly fell for her", he wiped his other palm across his face, wiping his tears as he told Grace all about Elizabeth, the whole triangle fiasco, Nathan, how she chose him, how carefully he tread the ground around her, how they got engaged, how much he grew to love little Jack and how she suddenly threw everything back in his face and left him.

Grace's mind was spinning. Her mouth opened slightly in shock as she stared at Lucas.

"Oh my God…", she mumbled. She could feel Lucas holding on her fingers like it was something it was going to save him from this darkness he found himself in "Did you at least have a chance to say goodbye to Jack? To talk to him?"

Lucas shook his head.

"No. Elizabeth told me all that before we had to board the train", he said.

What a witch!

Grace couldn't believe it.

"Lucas… I… I don't know what to say", she creased her eyebrows "Why was she with you in the first place? Why did she agree to marry you if she couldn't give you all her heart?"

Why did she use you like that?

Lucas shook his head.

"That's what I would like to know", he whispered "Maybe…maybe I shouldn't have asked her. Maybe she wasn't ready…", he started to ramble on, but Grace was having none of it.

"Lucas! Stop it right there!", as he looked at her, surprised at her outburst, Grace pressed on "How could you think that it is your fault?! From what you've told me, all you ever did was love her. You gave her time. You waited for her. You even set her free to choose between you and Nathan. You accepted her son like he was your own flesh and blood", at the sight of his red rimmed eyes, she gently asked "Why are you apologizing for being a man who feels deeply? Why are you apologizing for your love?"

A slight flinch and a small crease of his eyebrows proved to Grace that she managed to reach him.

"Lucas…", she sat on her knees in front of him, still holding his hand "All you did was love her and her son sincerely. And she wasn't honest to you. She used you. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but it's true. You doubted yourself, wondered were you a man enough to deserve her. That's what she did, she made you doubt yourself so you wouldn't doubt her. She had a chance of letting you go when you set her free, but she never thought of you first. She thought only about herself. She felt good with you, she liked the attention you gave her, but…it seems to me that she never loved you like you love her", Grace ended, hoping she didn't cross a line.

Lucas let out a shuddering breath.

"But… Grace… if she didn't think of me, how could she let Jack get so close to me and then just remove me from his life like I never existed?!", he asked, pain in his voice and on his face breaking Grace's heart.

She shook her head.

"I don't know, Lucas. I can't understand that either", she whispered.

"I miss them", he swallowed hard, a few tears escaping his eyes "I miss them so much, Grace", as his shaking fingers angrily wiped his tears and eyes, Grace moved forward a bit and pulled him in her arms again.

"I know you do, Lucas", she hugged him tightly as he let his hurt and anguish out "I know you do".

There'll be days your heart don't wanna beat,

You pray more than you breathe

And you just wanna fall to pieces.

And nights, the 2 a.m. calls,

Where dreams become walls,

And you just need a break.

Break on me

Shatter like glass,

Come apart in my hands

Take as long as it takes,

Break on me.

Put your head on my chest,

Let me help you forget,

When your heart needs to break

Just break on me.

There'll be times when someone you know

Becomes someone you knew,

But you'd do anything to change it.

And words you wanna take back,

But you know you can't,

When the page just won't turn and it still hurts.

Break on me,

Shatter like glass,

Come apart in my hands

Take as long as it takes.

Break on me

Put your head on my chest

Let me help you forget

When your heart needs to break

Just break on me.

Oh, when you need somebody,

When you need somebody right now,

You're where I'll be.

Break on me,

Shatter like glass

Come apart in my hands

Take as long as it takes.

Break on me,

Put your head on my chest,

Let me help you forget,

When your heart needs to break

Just break on me.

("Break on me" - Keith Urban)