A/N: Once again, thanks to all who are reading, following and reviewing this story, you make me want to keep writing.

. This chapter took me a bit longer to write it, but it is finally done. Here you'll see the aftermath of the kiss and how it is affecting both Addison and Derek. In other news, I was finally able to write a shorter chapter than the previous one. As you might notice, I will keep naming the chapters after Taylor Swift songs, this one is after a line from "The way I loved you" which for me it is a jaddison/addek song, maybe some day I'll write a one-shot about it, but for now, let's just keep this chapter.

I hope you enjoy reading it.

NEVER KNEW I COULD FEEL THAT MUCH

While the minutes passed it was getting harder to believe what had just happened wasn't just a trick of her imagination, seeing Derek still being there on her office, cleaning his face from every sign of her lipstick made it all pretty real, and of course that feeling on her stomach was also making it very real. Addison couldn't even remember the last time she felt like that, maybe it was during the start of her relationship with Sam, but no, she never felt those "butterflies" around him, maybe it was just around Derek when she got that feeling, around him it was like being on her early twenties again, falling in love with the man of her dreams; the reality however was very different, she wasn't definitely a twenty-something med student, and certainly she wasn't falling in love with him.

It was just a kiss, we've kissed before, we've had better kisses than that one… But why did it feel so good?

"Addison" Derek finally broke the silence between them.

"We're not talking about it, now I believe you have patients to see." She tried to focus on her computer screen, she wasn't even sure if there was something to see in there, but it was better than facing the reality, a reality that included those old repressed feelings, those she has been keeping since breaking up with Derek.

"Addison" He tried one more time, standing right in front of her. "We should… We should talk about what just happened… I kissed you and you… You kissed me back."

"You're implying that something happened, which it didn't. So, as I said before, we both have a lot of work to do, Dr. Shepherd"

However, Derek wasn't ready to let it go so easily, not after he also felt something after that kiss.

"No, do not "Dr. Shepherd" me. We're not working together, right now you are my ex-wife and my sister just walked in on us kissing. We're not two doctors handling a patient."

Addison looked up to find his gaze, she raised her eyebrows in surprise that he actually mentioned the kiss out-loud (again), her cheeks again were turning red, as if she was just trying to hide it or to avoid that conversation in the near future.

"If you don't want to talk about it, I do, and I can say it out loud, I liked it. And you, Dr. Montgomery, you also seemed to enjoy it."

She rolled her eyes and stood up from her chair, finally facing Derek again, but this time keeping a good distance, unlike their previous encounter.

"Fine, you want to talk about it? Fine, let's talk." Addison said almost whispering. "Yes, I kissed you back, I don't even know what would have happened if Amelia didn't open that door and I don't want to think about it, you know why? Because what just happened is wrong, it was completely wrong..."

But then, why did it feel so good?

"… I am not this person, not anymore. If I wasn't clear enough before, I am done being a cheating whore, the last time I did it, my husband made sure to make my life a living hell because of it and…"

"Addison, let's not…" Derek tried to interrupt her, but she didn't stop.

"No, Derek, you wanted me to talk about, then listen… I am with Sam, even if we're not on our best terms right now, I'm still with him, and you… You have Meredith, isn't that what you wanted? The last thing that poor girl needs right now is to have me again ruining her life with you."

Did I just say "that poor girl" wasn't she supposed to be the woman who was screwing my husband?

"Addison…" Derek tried again, but Addison seemed very determined to keep talking.

"This was a mistake, a big mistake, a huge one. I guess it's something divorced people does once in a while, there were a lot of feelings left behind and we let them take control, besides it was just a kiss, nothing more. We've done way more than kissing more times than anyone can count, this shouldn't be that big of a deal…"

So, she does remember all of those times with more than just kisses, she's thinking about it. – Derek thought for one moment, trying to hide the little curve on his lips that would've marked a smile.

"… So, what I'm trying to say is that it meant nothing, okay? I think we're grown enough to move pass it and continue with our lives like any other day, you can go and see your patients and hopefully sooner than later, you will be back to Seattle to your girlfriend and won't even remember this whole thing." Addison kept her eyes on Derek, who even though he was avoiding it, was showing a very small smile on his lips, which was very frustrating for Addison.

"Can I talk now?" Derek asked calmly, this made Addison roll her eyes.

"You're going to talk anyway, so…" She crossed her arms.

"Meredith and I aren't together anymore." Derek stated without losing his calm, unlike Addison that seemed surprised by that statement.

"Wait, what? Weren't you married or something like that?" She asked confused. "Why didn't you say anything before?"

"Well, we were married via post-it…" He noticed how Addison's expression changed after that sentence was said "Yes, I know how it sounds, in any case, that means that the divorce had a much lower fee than the one that we had. And well, it's not like I go around telling people about my love life, and most important, I didn't think you out of all people wanted to hear about how things ended between me and Meredith."

You'd be surprised, Derek. Of course I want to know all about how did it end for you and the woman you cheated me with.

"Well, you're right. I'm not interested to hear about it, and most important, it doesn't change anything. What just happened was just… It is something that we both need to forget and move on, I can do that… Can you?"

"Fine, as you wish, Addison." After saying that, Derek finally turned to face the door, he took some steps until reaching it, not before turning back to his ex-wife one last time.

"Thanks, now would you finally leave my office and leave me alone?

"Addison? You can keep saying that it didn't mean anything, or that you want to forget about it but that kiss… Even if you can't say it out loud, the way that you kissed me, that said more than words can express."

Derek turned back and walked away before Addison could even reply to what he said, however, once she was finally alone on her office, she allowed herself to smile remembering the feeling of Derek's lips on her.

Damn it, Derek, why did it feel so good and why do I want more?

AMELIA'S OFFICE - LATER THAT DAY

Amelia Shepherd had been very busy all day, lately she's been focusing on her work more than usual, or at least that was what she was telling people, but in any case, on that day particularly she had been dealing not only with her patients but also, she had been working along with her brother, and even though Derek tried to mention something about what she had seen between him and Addison, Amelia stopped him as soon as he started talking.

"Look, I know you don't wanna talk about it, and we don't have to because I didn't see anything and there's nothing to talk about… Now, if you do wanna talk about the fact that you had Addison's red lipstick all over you, then I'll be glad to…"

"No, let's not… Will you ever filter, Amy? I am kind of getting why the people on this place keeps saying that to you." Derek mentioned before they would start to review the patients that they had to check together, that was the only moment of the day when they mentioned what had happened on Addison's office, not only because he had been very clear that he didn't want to discuss it with Amelia, but also because his patients needed his complete focus, even though the image of his ex-wife being close to him or the softness of her lips didn't leave his thoughts.

Once that they were done with the Neuro patients, Derek left to join Charlotte on her office, Amelia thought she would have the rest of the evening to deal with her own things, but as it was expected in a place like Oceanside Wellness, such thing didn't happen, because when she thought she was going to be alone, a knock on the door interrupted her thoughts and her desire to be finally left with a moment to herself.

"Come in." Amelia exclaimed from the chair behind her desk while a repressed Addison walked into the office.

"Hey." Addison forced an awkward smile while looking around expecting that Derek wasn't there with his sister.

"He isn't here, Addie. You can come in and take a sit, he's with Charlotte right now and usually they take some time before ending those meetings." Amelia pointed out after Addison's obvious behavior.

"Oh, well… You know I wasn't…" Addison tried to explain herself, but Amelia knew her better than that.

"Addie, you have that same look on your face, the one that you had when I caught you with Mark years ago, you know?" Even though Addison didn't appreciate the fact that her former sister-in-law had seen her and Derek sharing a kiss, she was also a bit relief that she had been the one who found them, because otherwise it would have been a big scandal around the practice, ironically just like it was during Mark's visit.

I do need to start locking up the door.

"Yeah, well… I thought that I should explain what…" There was no hiding about the fact that Addison felt a bit guilty, but truthfully her guilt wasn't about having kissed Derek, it was more about the fact that she enjoyed it and even if she wouldn't admit it, she wanted more than just that.

"You know that it isn't the same, right?" Amelia knew Addison too well; it wasn't actually the first time that they had a similar conversation.

FLASHBACK 2004

NEW YORK – ADDISON AND DEREK'S BROWNSTONE

After the tenth (or was it eleventh?) phone call with no answer, Addison knew that keep calling Derek was as pointless as hoping that he would suddenly show up and apologize for not being there with her. Lately, that was the only thing that she was getting about her marriage: loneliness, and that feeling was the one that Addison Shepherd hated the most, because at the beginning things between her and Derek were simpler but as the years went by, they've been drifting apart and that scared her more than anything.

But not even a potential split or the end of her marriage was as scary as the feelings she was starting to develop for Derek's best friend, who unlike her husband had actually been paying extra attention to her, he was the one who kept her on his arms when Derek cancelled their plans for their 11th anniversary, or even when he had a medical conference on Addison's birthday, lately Mark was the one who had been taking care of her, and as guilty as she felt, he was always there for her and she appreciated that.

As it was expected, both Mark and Addison became closer while Derek was just captured between his work and trying to make excuses to be away from his wife, who he barely even saw at nights or around the halls of the hospital, but Mark Sloan was always there, he kept Addison company on those long lunches at work so she wouldn't eat alone, he would even join her to those dinner invites with Savvy and Weiss, and as expected, he would also join her those nights when Derek was away.

That evening Mark received a call from a very upset Addison, she was in tears because Derek once again had cancelled the plans she had made for the two of them, because despite of everything, she was hoping that one day he would simply care again and would be the guy she fell in love with some years ago.

It took Mark Sloan less than twenty minutes to join Addison at her house, and as usual he managed to calm her down, lately he knew exactly what to say and how to make her smile again.

"… I know it is what I always say, but this time I actually believed him, I was thinking that he actually wanted to make an effort for our marriage, you know? He used to be crazy in love with me, it used to annoy all of you back in the day, what ever happened to that guy?" Addison said between tears while resting on Mark's arms, they were both lying on the sofa in the middle of the big living room.

"All I can say is that he is the biggest moron out there for taking you for granted, he doesn't deserve that you keep trying to make it work, you deserve someone who cares as much as you do, red." Mark ran his right hand through Addison's red hair and then removed the tears returning to her face after sharing those thoughts about her husband.

"You know I still love him, don't you? I know it's pathetic because clearly he doesn't even care anymore, he's so focused about his own things that he hasn't even noticed that we're spending all this time together… It's just that, I can't imagine my life without him, Mark, we've been together for so long that… I just can't accept the fact that we're falling apart." Addison admitted with tears on her eyes while Mark kept her between his arms, holding her tight, he took a deep breath and simply nodded.

"I know, Addie, and being completely honest, you shouldn't settle for that, you know? You are the greatest woman I've met, also one of the hottest, and Derek should be grateful that you chose him all those years ago, damn it, he doesn't even deserve another tear from you." He mentioned softly, to which Addison didn't even reply, on the contrary, she looked up to him, she was feeling vulnerable, she was feeling hurt by the mistreatments or the behavior she was receiving from her husband, while Mark on the other side was being the only person supporting her, both emotionally and physically, all of those emotions led to an inevitable kiss between them, a kiss that Mark also returned because even though Addison was his best friend's wife, he wanted her to be happy and for all he had seen lately, he just knew that Derek wouldn't be the one for her.

Both of them continued the kiss, that even though it started as comforting, it became desiring, just what Addison needed to feel complete again, to forget about Derek and stop thinking at all, however that passionate kiss between them got interrupted by a very familiar voice for both of them.

"Guys, seriously? I am seriously considering returning my keys for this place…" Amelia had walked into the house, Addison gave her a set of keys considering that she was living in the city and unlike her brother, she did appreciate her sister-in-law's company, however it took the younger woman just few seconds to realize that Derek wasn't the one who was there with Addison. "Oh God." She gasped after seeing her brother's wife on the arms of his best friend.

"Amy I… This isn't what it looks like…." Addison tried to explain.

"No, no. It's okay… I just needed to get some things I left here last week… But I can… I can come back later." Amelia was still surprised about the whole situation.

"Amy, look we're not… Addison's right, we're… Derek has been absent and…" Mark tried to explain also, but Addison didn't let him finish.

"Mark, stop talking. Please. Can you just go to the kitchen or anywhere else? I would like to talk to Amy alone" Addison suggested.

"I'll just leave, call me if you need anything… Nice to see you, Amy."

Mark rolled his eyes and picked up his shirt from the floor, leaving the two women alone in the living room. Both of them were in complete silence until he left, then it was Addison the one who broke the ice.

"I know, there isn't a valid excuse for what you just saw but…" This time it was Amelia the one who interrupted her sister-in-law.

"There's nothing to explain, Addie. I am not in any position to judge you, despite of being my brother, I know that Derek hasn't been the best husband lately. I've seen how he becomes busier by the time and spends less time with you. I've seen you making excuses on his behalf for missing birthday parties, or even thanksgiving. I couldn't blame you even if I wanted to." Amelia explained calmly.

"Yes, but still that doesn't give me the right to…" Addison again tried to justify what her sister-in-law had just seen, but again, the younger woman didn't let her talk.

"Look, you can trust me, I will keep my mouth shut, and you can be sure as hell that I won't blame you for anything that might or might not happen to your marriage, in any case, you will always be my sister and that will never change, despite of what happens between you and Derek. So please, let's not bring that up again and forget about the whole thing, okay?"

END OF THE FLASHBACK

"Yeah, it might be different, but still it isn't right." Addison mumbled, just like that time, she was embarrassed to have that conversation again with Amelia years later.

"Addie, I am going to be completely honest with you, because Derek apparently is spending too much time here and keeps asking me to filter…" This last part of the sentence made Addison smile briefly.

"I'm glad to know I'm not the only one having that thought." Addison digressed raising both of her eyebrows.

"Whatever, what I'm trying to say is that there's no need to be embarrassed, sure, probably you should start locking up the doors on your office once in a while, but besides that, you can do whatever you want, we all know that you're no longer happy with Sam, and while Derek doesn't have a nice record either, there's no need to feel guilty for something that from my perspective, you seemed to enjoy, you know? All I'm saying is, when was the last time that you did something for yourself, without thinking about anyone else? Just doing something because it made you happy or because you just felt like it?" Amelia inquired, knowing already that she wouldn't even get a reply.

Addison tried to think a proper answer but nothing came up to her mind.

"Exactly, probably you can't even remember it. If Derek is the one that makes you feel like that, then you should go after whatever you feel, if not, then I will drive him myself to Seattle or even farther if you prefer it. Whatever you decide, you need to remember that I'm on your side, okay?" Amelia reiterated, she wanted to make sure that Addison would understand that no matter what, she would have her back.

"Thanks, Amelia. I really appreciate it."

XX

Back at the Practice's kitchen, Derek was sitting there alone holding a cup of coffee on both hands, after finishing with his patients and his meeting with Charlotte, he was hoping to see Addison again, hoping to get a proper closure about what had happened earlier, because as much as he wanted to wrap his head around it, he couldn't stop thinking about it.

He wasn't sure if it was because it has been years since the last time he and Addison shared a proper kiss, no, those ones on her cheeks didn't count, but somehow, he realized how much he missed that feeling that only Addison could awaken on him. He would be lying to say that he didn't think about it before over few occasions, but he would have never imagined that thought would actually come to life, but then again, having her wrapped on his arms, feeling the warmth of her breath and the softness of her lips on his was all that he could ever expect, it had been even better than his memories.

They definitely needed to talk about it, damn it, he wanted to tell her how all of those feelings were freed by that simple kiss, but Addison made clear that she didn't want to talk about it, or was that something that she kept saying to herself to be able to move forward? Derek needed to know, because, what is there was a slightest chance? Would he even take it?

Addison also said that she and Sam weren't on her best terms, not that he was surprised or even upset to know that information, but that was leading it to another question, was it because of him? Or was it something long before his arrival? And also, was that the reason why Sam kept trying to kiss or even to touch Addison on his presence?

"Hey Shepherd, I didn't know you were still here."

Damn it, is someone even allowed to have thoughts in this practice without being interrupted?

"Pete, yes… Surprisingly I underestimated this place, there were a lot of Neuro patients today and they've kept me busy almost all day. Who would have thought?" Derek joked, trying his best to keep his thoughts from his wife's lips over him.

"Oh, so you're still joining us tonight, right? We're counting on you." Pete mentioning referring to the invitation that both him and Cooper had done.

Right, the girl-drama free night, I might need that kind of night, except for the fact that the guy who is fucking my wife will also be there.

Ex-wif… You know what, forget about it.

"Right…" Derek tried to think on a quick excuse, because spending an evening with Sam wasn't something he was looking forward, especially not in a day like that one, but sometimes not even being a neurosurgeon would help him to create such excuses in a short period of time. "Being honest, I forgot it was today, you know what, man? I think I'll pass this time, but surely next time, I'll invite the first couple of rounds of beers or whatever guys you want to drink."

"Oh, come on, man. We're all expecting you there, if you feel too tired I will drive you myself to whenever you're staying… But if you still feel like paying for the drinks, then feel welcome to do it." Pete joked, not having a single clue about the reasons why Derek didn't want to see Sam, at least not in that evening.

Derek however thought for a second that if him and Sam could actually survive that ''girl-drama free'' night, then they will be ready to avoid a situation like the one they had during Luke's surgery, and with the next procedure getting closer, they needed to start getting along, or at least being able to be on the same room without starting a schoolyard fight, as Addison would call it.

"Fine, I'll get the drinks."

SAM'S HOUSE – GIRL DRAMA FREE NIGHT

Once that Pete and Derek arrived, Sam was already there with Sheldon and Cooper, they seemed to be talking about one of the patients from the practice.

"…So, after that, the mother asked me to lie to her kid and say that she will get cancer if she keeps smoking. Can you believe that?" Cooper remarked, which made the rest of the gentlemen laugh along.

"Well, the mother might be right, it is a possibility after all." Sam disagreed.

"I don't think we're discussing about a big amount of cigarettes here, I mean, how much can a 15-year-old smoke anyway? What you need to avoid is for the kid to create a habit that might eventually affect her health." Sheldon explained.

"Which could also lead to cancer." Sam added, however, before the discussion moved forward, Pete announce their arrival.

"Sorry we're late, we were stuck getting booze for tonight." He turned back to Derek. "See? I told you they would be talking about patients." Pete joked, while Derek laughed along.

"Good evening, gentlemen." Derek greeted.

"I don't think we've been introduced, I'm Sheldon Wallace, psychiatrist." Sheldon introduced himself.

"Oh, right. Sorry, this is Derek Shepherd, Amelia's brother and also, Sam's old friend from Med School." Cooper added, excluding purposely the fact that he was Addison's ex-husband, but surely Sheldon would be able to do the math.

"Oh, a Med School friend, that's a long way back. I'm glad you're still close after many years." Sheldon said, maybe they should have given him a warning on who Derek was.

Both Sam and Derek laughed awkwardly after that comment.

"Yeah, we had this big study group back then, and we also did our residency together. We go long back." Sam added trying to keep it cool.

In the meantime, Derek opened one of the beers and took a sip of it. "Yes, we've shared many things." He mentioned purposely, and of course, the comment didn't go unnoticed, which is why the rest of the doctors quickly changed the subject.

"So… Are we playing Poker? Or do you guys have anything else in mind? Were you talking about anything interesting before Cooper's patient?" Pete asked while taking a seat next to the rest of the guys.

"Yeah, well, before that we were talking about babies. About how Cooper wants one but Charlotte doesn't or that Addison wants one and Sam doesn't." Sheldon informed for them to catch-up, little did he know that that would get Derek's full attention.

So, that's what she meant when she said that she and Sam weren't on his best terms.

"Wasn't this supposed to be a girl-drama free night? Because I think we can all agree that conversation fits perfectly into that category." Pete reminded them after noticing Derek's look.

It took them about ten minutes to start playing poker and to make their bets, in the meantime, they kept talking about the drinks they were having, Derek made some small talk about the malt-scotch he had gotten for the evening, being exactly the same drink he's been getting since he lived in New York.

"So, has either of you returned to New York since you moved out?" Cooper asked while checking the cards on his hands.

Ha, it's like they want me to talk about Addison.

"Well, Naomi and I went back a couple of times because Maya was obsessed with some musicals and she begged us to take her there to see the show, which lead to a very long family vacation, but it's strange how easily you forget about how things are back there. But anyway, Naomi and I left the city under different circumstances than Derek." Sam claimed.

First strike. It's just one evening, besides I need not to punch him in the face if we're planning to operate together again.

Derek showed a tight-lipped smile at Sam, of course he wanted him to react, but he tried his best to keep his composure.

"Well, being honest, I lived in New York for most of my life, moving to Seattle was a good change, I get to spend my free time at the woods, which is definitely more quiet than the big city."

"Being fair, you wouldn't find that kind of quietness here either." Pete added after making his move on the game. "As you might have seen, Los Angeles, just like New York, doesn't sleep."

"Now he wants to be quiet, back in Med School he used to play his guitar and tried to sing like any of the members from The Clash." Sam remembered between laughs. "During our first year, I swear that I ended up writing all the lyrics from "The Magnificent Seven" on a Gross Anatomy essay."

Derek actually remembered that and even shared a laugh with him, perhaps the evening wouldn't be as bad as he was imagining, after all they were two grown adults with an old friendship and that was more important than any difference they might have over Addison… Besides, it was supposed to be the girl-drama free night, right?

"Well, at least you have me to thank for memorizing that song." Derek added. "Because if I'm not mistaken you were also singing it everywhere, even in the middle of the halls of Columbia… And if you guys don't believe me, you can ask Naomi or even Addison, they'll tell you I'm right."

"I didn't know that you can sing. How come you've never mention that you can sing?" Cooper gushed.

"Because it's not something that I go around telling people."

"Come on, you've even sang in public before."

The guys left the cards on the table and stared at Sam, waiting for more details about it, but he didn't mention anything, which made them look back at Derek.

"I'm sure there's even a video of it somewhere." The rest of the men took their cellphones trying to find anything online but Derek shook his head smiling, while Sam kept very serious. "No, I don't think you'll find anything online. But he did sing at my wedding, next to Mark and Archer. Which I'm sure you remember."

"Yeah, well… We were all young and drunk at the time, no wonder why we did so many stupid things back then." Sam added, and while Pete and Cooper understood that they wouldn't get more information about it or wouldn't even dig to get more, Sheldon didn't let the subject go.

"So, you're married. Is your wife also here in Los Angeles?" Sheldon asked curiously, causing that both Cooper and Pete made a consecutive face-palm reaction.

"She is indeed. Well, I'm sure you know Sam's girlfriend, Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery?" Derek look at his cards and increased his bet.

It was until then when Sheldon did the connection and looked at the rest of the doctors mouthing "Why didn't you tell me?" and then looked at Sam and back at Derek.

"I – I had no idea." Of course that Addison has spoken about her ex-husband before, Amelia has also mentioned one thing or two about her brother and probably he knew at some point that those were the same man, but on that night, he was completely clueless about it until now that they pointed out.

"It's okay – It was a long time ago. We got divorced some time before Sam and Naomi." Derek immediately curled his lips after replying to Sheldon's comment.

"Well, it took you long enough to bring that up." Sam grunted while trying to keep his eyes on his cards.

That was Sam's second strike, please don't let him have a third.

"What? The fact that I was married to Addison? Or you and Naomi?" Derek snapped immediately, as much as he tried, he couldn't keep it together, those words were an immediate reaction that he couldn't control.

"We both know that it is not about Naomi that you want to talk about."

"Guys, come on, we're not talking about them tonight, remember?" Pete tried to calm them down, but it seemed that once that door was open, it was impossible to close it.

"No, no. It's okay, I just want to know why is Sam so upset if mention anything about my ex-wife when we're all supposed to be friends and should be able to move past that, am I right, buddy? I'm sure you're more confident than that." Derek said sarcastically.

"No, actually I don't have any problem about you talking about Addison, because at the end of the day, you two are way long in the past, both of you have certainly improved and if I recall correctly, you even have someone waiting for you back in Seattle, am I right? Which is still very confusing, because you keep talking with all of us about Addison, Naomi or even Violet and Charlotte, but still, you don't mention anything about Meredith. Should we be concerned about her?" Sam mocked Derek's tone, which made him stand up from his chair, with great anger on his body.

Third strike, player out. Do not hit his bald head, you have two surgeries tomorrow morning and a bad hand wouldn't make things better for the patient.

Thought hitting him would make things a lot better for me, if I only had a baseball bat… No, focus.

"You know what, guys? Thank you for the invitation, but it's time for me to go. That way you can mention the name "Addison" without having the need to start an unnecessary argument… See you guys tomorrow."

Derek finished his drink and left his cup on the table, next to his cards where he exposed a full house, not that the game even mattered anymore because he just wanted to leave that place before he convinced himself that hitting Sam was the best option available.

After he left, all of the guys stared at Sam, who looked like he didn't do or said anything wrong.

"What?" Sam asked confused.

"Well, you could've been cool about it, he's your friend after all, there was no need to bring that up, I think he was actually trying to have a good time. He's working with us now, you can't get upset each time that he brings up Addison on a conversation, you know?" Pete reiterated. "The whole point about this was to avoid these kind of confrontations at the practice and you failed miserably."

"No, don't put all the blame on me. He was trying to provoke me." Sam defended himself, however none of the other doctors were having it.

"All we're saying is that you should've been cool about it." Cooper agreed with Pete. "There was no need to act like an asshole."

XX

Derek tried to leave Sam's house through the porch, but he was captivated by the beach at the back of the of it, of course he wouldn't get in back there, but that didn't mean that he couldn't just stay some minutes listening to the ocean sound, because as much as he wanted to run as far as he could from Sam's place, the waves of the ocean were certainly more relaxing than going back to an empty hotel room.

What the fuck was I thinking when I got into his house? Of course he doesn't want me there talking about MY ex-wife… And the nerve he has for even bringing Meredith into all of this. Maybe things would be easier if I go back there and hit him right in the head. That would help, right?

No, no, surely Addison wouldn't appreciate that.

The Sam that Derek knew back in Med School appeared to be long gone, how is that anyone else couldn't see that? For him it took less than a week to figure that out, maybe that was also the reason why Naomi divorced him, but Addison? She was supposed to be in love with THAT version of Sam Bennett? The simple thought of it made Derek's stomach feel sick.

Derek took a deep breath, trying to focus on the sound of the ocean's waves, he removed his shoes and simply started walking near the shore, finally getting his proper time to deal with his thoughts, however all he could think about was in the many ways to punch Sam's face.

But of course, once those thoughts were gone, there was only one that wouldn't leave his head, and that was Addison herself.

Now he knew why she was having problems with Sam, at least that was something that came out of that evening with the guys. He couldn't help to start thinking about the times they've discussed about starting a family, and even though they had made big plans for it, they never found the proper time, first he was the one who wanted to start a family as soon as they got married, but Addison wanted to wait to finish residency and then their fellowships, and once they got successful, then Addison brought it up every once in a while, but then he was the one who didn't want it… And of course, then their marriage exploded and their time together was over.

She would've been an incredible mother, though.

"Derek? What are you doing here?"

Amelia was certainly confused to see Derek walking around the beach that late at night, and not only that, he wasn't on any beach, he was on Addison's property.

"Amy? What are you doing here? I was just at Sam's house and I – Wait… Do you live here?" He asked confused, he knew that Amelia was living in Addison's house, so if she was there that only meant… "Is Addison living next to Sam? If they wanted to be that close why didn't they just moved in together?"

Amelia didn't take longer to realize that his brother was upset, she didn't even need to ask to know why, he had said it all when he mentioned that he came from Sam's place. "Yeah, well. She moved here long before they started dating, it was all Naomi's plan from what I know, she was supposed to tell her anytime Sam would be on a date with another woman… But I guess the joke is on Naomi."

"And then you wonder why they keep asking you to filter." Derek rolled his eyes.

"That's one of the few good things about having you here, you can't make me filter. And even if you do, I won't do it." Amelia smiled still a bit concerned about her brother. "She isn't here, by the way. She had to run back to the hospital for an emergency C- Section… I'm just saying in case you want to come in." She suggested.

"No, no. I am okay here, I forgot how relaxing the sound of the ocean can be."

Amelia took a seat in one of the long chairs at the porch facing the beach and pointed out the other one for Derek to join her there, he nodded and followed her taking a seat next to her.

"So, do you wanna talk about it now?" Amelia asked, which surprisingly Derek agreed by nodding.

"I want to hit him on the face so badly that I'm afraid I might damage my hand and never been able to operate again." Derek felt a big relief after finally saying that out loud, because otherwise it would eat him alive. "And even if I do it, I'm afraid that he wouldn't shut up after that, which is very frustrating, because not even in my head he stops talking about him and Addison."

"That bad, huh?" Amelia guessed.

"It gets worst." Derek couldn't even look at Amelia for what he was about to confess. "I can't stop thinking about Addison, since that damn kiss, she's been stuck on my head, which only leads to one single conclusion… What if after all these years I do feel something for her? What if I miss her more than I can acknowledge?" His voice this time was soft, because saying those words, even to his sister was still shocking even for himself. "…Since the moment I saw her next to Sam when I first arrived here, I felt sick… Then after we kissed, she's all I've been able to think ever since and now… Now I've been fantasizing on how to kill her boyfriend… Or whatever they are… And of course, I can't stop thinking about her and about the good times that we used to share."

And the truth was out there now, he had said it all out loud and even thought Amelia wasn't expecting him to be that honest, it didn't actually surprise her because it didn't take a genius to realize that both Addison and Derek were still crawling back to each other, as much as they were trying to deny it.

"Derek…" Amelia started, sure that was some heavy information that he had just dropped. "…It's good that you've admitted it, but… Have you considered telling Addie about it? Because, what if maybe and just maybe, she also feels the same way about… All of this? It would be such a shame if you let this go just because you're too proud to mention anything in front of her, you know?"

"Sure, because telling Addison that she should dump Sam and run back into my arms should be very helpful, why didn't I think about it before?" He snapped sarcastically, that wasn't just an option for him, not after everything that he pulled her through and much less after she confessed how he made her feel during that last year of their marriage.

"Well, that's all I can tell you. You can either do that or you can keep fantasizing about punching Sam and about getting anything else from Addison again, and for what I can see, the second choice isn't the smartest, because here you are, alone walking around the beach like a crazy person while probably she's also thinking about you too. And yes, that's all I'm saying, good night, Derek."

After saying that, Amelia left her seat and went back into the house, leaving Derek there all alone. He hated to admit it, but was Amelia right?

So, what if Amy's right after all? What if she does feel the same way?

But then again, having admitted his feelings towards Addison out loud was still unbelievable, it was something that he didn't think it was possible, not after that many years apart.

Damn it, Addison. Seems like a part of me never let you go.

A/N: Derek now admitted how he truly feels. Also, there was a bit of Maddison on the flashback, I feel like I needed that. And I also have to mention that I am loving how Amelia is being the biggest addek shipper on this chapter. Please let me know what you think.

For now I'm planning for this story to have thirteen chapters (and maybe an epilogue, but let's not get ahead), we're still have a lot of chapters to go through.