The next morning, they get up and check out of the spa thanking them for their services. The staff wave to the twins as they leave through the doors. Nightmare opens a portal back to the castle. "Are you feeling okay Dream?" He asks concerned after last night. Dream's hands are trembling slightly in his and he looks nervous about going back to find chaos. Nightmare grabs his hand squeezing it gently rubbing his thumb over Dream's gloved knuckles. Dream smiles at him gratefully taking a deep breath before they walk through into the castle.
They find a quiet castle with only one person in it other than them. It's just Cross who is resting in his room not asleep just relaxing. Nightmare hums saying he'll make breakfast and Dream smiles with a nod. He is still shaky after last night once again very grateful his lover stopped him from forcing himself to explain his reflexive guilt. He can tell Night is irate about Ink abusing him and realizes seeing it as abusive is progress even though talking about it still drives him into an intense panic. He decides to see if he can talk to Cross while there is no one else to interfere. He goes up to Cross's door surprised when he hears the soft strumming of a guitar. He waits to see what Cross is playing but decides against it as Night tells him breakfast is ready through their telepathic bond. Dream knocks, "Cross, breakfast is ready if you'd like to join Nightmare and I." The strumming stops and Dream pauses to see if Cross will come out of his room. When he does not Dream heads to the dining hall alone. Nightmare sets a plate in front of him giving him a kiss on the cheek. Dream smiles thanking Nightmare for cooking as the doors open. Cross pokes his head in looking tired.
Nightmare gestures to the seat beside Dream, "Good morning Cross." Surprisingly, Cross trots over and sits beside Dream,
"Morning boss, Dream." He replies sounding like he's seen something he'd rather not have. "Thank you for breakfast." He adds and Nightmare nods passing him a plate.
They eat in comfortable silence until Cross asks, "How was your decompress day?"
The twins smile and Nightmare replies first, "It was a nice relaxing day out."
"Maybe next time you can come with us?" Dream adds and Nightmare nods when Dream looks at him hesitantly.
"I-I've never been to a spa." Cross stammers his cheeks coloring slightly. That shocks both of them. "Gaster never allowed me to truly relax."
"That is the easiest way to run any guard into the ground." Nightmare sighs. "This is why I try to let you all have down time so you can unwind."
"I appreciate it. I also wrote the report for you about Lust Swap Fell." Cross replies softly. This is the longest conversation the twins have had with him in months. "The lead Blue gave was true."
Nightmare looks relieved, "That relic was worrying for us both honestly. In the wrong hands…" He and Dream shudder at the thought as does Cross who witnessed what happened to the Sans when he wore it. "We can discuss it more in my study after breakfast?" Cross agrees quietly and they lapse back into silence other than the clink of silver wear on plates.
After breakfast is cleaned up Cross follows the twins to Nightmare's study. Once inside Nightmare makes them mint coffee and sits behind his desk. Cross hands him a written report along with the sealed vessel containing the Cursed Broach. "That thing scares me." He murmurs.
"It scares everyone that isn't wearing it honestly." Dream sighs glad the things is sealed away now. "Lots of the dangerous relics we're after were created for ruinous mortal sin." Cross coughs because he is technically mortal and would never make anything like that. "We know you would never make something like these relics Cross." Dream walks over to him while Nightmare takes the sealed relic to his maximum-security vault to be slotted with the others. Even Dream has no idea where the storage vault is located. Cross blushes as Dream comes closer to him wrapping him in a hug that Cross didn't realize he needed until that moment. He carefully returns it remembering that Dream's spine is sensitive even with the padding of his clothes.
"That AU Sans put it on and turned on me…" Cross shivers remembering the vicious way Raz had attacked him verbally. "His w-words hit me where it hurts most…" He mumbles.
Dream had been on the receiving end of that thing before and sympathized not wanting to imagine what Raz said to Cross while under the influence of the broach. He is glad Cross made it back unharmed as the broach has the tendency to invoke violence against its wearer's victim. Cross missed Dreams hugs and holds him close carefully making Dream smile. Nightmare returns and they step back. Part of him is jealous but the rest is glad Cross is talking to them.
"Your report is very well written, and I appreciate your attention to detail." Nightmare praises and Cross blushes more thanking him. Nightmare is made increasingly more aware that Cross has also developed feelings for him as normally the soldier didn't react this way to praise. He would normally stand straighter and give off an air of pride.
"Was I meant to be gone longer than this boss?" Cross asks wondering how he beat the others back.
"I gave them missions that may last a bit longer than yours. Quite frankly none of the others can handle a Lust AU. I trust you to not get caught up in their lewd politics." Nightmare replies. Cross nods mutely not sure how to respond. He's beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable and asks if he can return to his room. He's not ready to talk about his hurt feelings afraid it will make him sound whiny. "I will not force you to keep us company but know you can always talk to us." Cross nods taking his leave and Dream sighs softly once he senses Cross is out of earshot.
"I can't stand him feeling uncomfortable talking to us." Nightmare walks over and pulls him close again carefully watching to make sure he isn't setting off any of Dream's triggers. Dream hugs back leaning up to kiss his cheek. "At least that broach is locked away now. I swear the things people create can be nightmares."
"Agreed. It makes me wonder if Ink ever created or inspired these relics?" Nightmare muses noticing that Dream went tense when he mentioned Ink. "Are you okay?" He asks his lover. "And can you reply without causing yourself panic?" Dream takes a breath shaking his head no. Nightmare gently squeezes his shoulder startled when dream pulls away looking uneasy. "Too much?"
"My ex used to d-do that when he wanted something from me." Dream replies rubbing his arm sheepishly.
"Are there any other things I shouldn't do right now?" Nightmare asks him wanting to be aware of triggers going forward.
"He used to tip my chin up the way you do sometimes when you want a kiss. You always rub my cheek to ask first though so it doesn't bother me as much. It would be a lot right now though." Dream replies he is shaking slightly thinking about his exes. He holds up a hand when Nightmare reaches out to comfort him shaking his head. Nightmare drops his arms and tendrils waiting to see what Dream does surprised when he carefully reaches for a tendril to hold. It flicks into his palm slowly and he brings it to his cheek rubbing his face against it. "This is b-better for me." He admits smiling when it flicks rubbing his cheek gently. Nightmare waits for Dream to signal that he can come closer. Dream nods that Nightmare can approach but tenses up when he shuffles over a stone holding up a hand to stop him again. Nightmare sees the rising panic in his eyes and quickly pulls Dream into loose hug leaving the tendril on his cheek rubbing it in slow circles.
"Remember your breathing exercises Dream." He says barely above a whisper not wanting to spook his lover. Dream jumps at the hug, but he clings to Nightmare's arm as he struggles through his breathing exercises. The tendril rubbing his cheek does wonders to keep his mind from spiraling though it's a very near thing. Nightmare makes no move to tighten his hold nor pull him closer as he struggles to calm himself down. Nightmare carefully leans closer pressing their foreheads together but to his surprise Dream jerks back looking afraid. "Dream-" Dream shudders struggling not go back to that horrible place. Nightmare reaches out with his tendril rubbing it across Dream's cheek, "Sunshine?" Nightmare prods gently.
"N-Nighty?" Dream replies his voice pitched slightly. Nightmare nods rubbing soothing circles across Dream's cheek with his tendril helping Dream reground himself. Dream is still shaky and whispers that he needs to calm down on his own for a bit. "Can I at least walk you to your room?" Dream looks terrified before teleporting away as that specific phrase is what his first ex used to manipulate him into showing said ex where he lived leading to him being stalked after Dream broke it off at Blue's insistence that it was NOT a healthy relationship.
He lands in another hallway shaking his eyes brimming with tears as he stumbles forward trying to run away from his past ex who is appearing everywhere, he looks purring, "C'mon doll let me walk ya home~" Dream starts to cry trying to escape his voice and pet name. "L-Leave me alone!" He sobs softly. He hears something as he stumbles through a doorway. "You know you love me doll~" Dream whimpers as he stumbles again hiding in his cape, "Leave me alone! I'm n-not your doll!" He begins to hear a guitar and someone singing faintly over the ringing in his head.
"That would fall down all the time. But stand and reach my hand you'll see. Have you tried crossing over yet? I wanna die. Wanna die, but don't really wanna die. You were there you would care making me aware. Every scar, all the blood. More and more they're never done. Not enough, not enough." The voice is singing a melancholy song. Dream finds himself in another room and as he turns, he falls into another smaller room. The other voice continuing, "Till I see every part of me, eyes are red, following. I wanna live, wanna live. Deep inside I've always been reaching out for hand so don't let this be the end. Mushrooms growing on my head still remember even then where you are when I'm dead." Cross stops singing when he hears a loud thump from the entrance to the secret room setting his guitar aside going to investigate as only Horror and Dust know about this particular hiding place.
He finds Dream in the entrance shaking as he begs for an unseen person to leave him alone and that he's not a doll. Cross carefully approaches the shaking guardian not wanting to scare him, "Dream?" He says softly and Dream whips around to face him with tears running down his face. He looks terrified so Cross stays where he is unsure of how to help without making Dream's panic attack worse. "Dream I k-know I've been horrible to y-you lately and I'm s-sorry…" He whispers feeling ashamed of himself for running away from the love of his life instead of manning up and talking to him about what Killer said to him. It clearly hurt Dream along with causing him to stress and worry to the point of needing a day to decompress alone with Nightmare. "You deserve better than me honestly…" Cross wants to cry too feeling like he let them both down proving Nightmare's point that he'd never be worthy of Dream's heart.
Dream feels shame and insecurity radiating off the monster in front of him which are two things his first ex did not feel as long as they had been together. This helps Dream begin to ground himself again. He takes a shaky breath still shivering and breathing shallowly, more gasping than anything. Cross takes a few cautious steps closer to him pausing when Dream whimpers. This repeats until Cross is kneeling in front of Dream where he holds his arms out for a hug. Dream is frightened at first and Cross drops his arms ready to back away again.
Dream grabs his sleeve pulling him closer, "C-Cross?" He stammers uncertainly. Cross nods to Dream who then shudders still quite worked up. Cross bites the bullet carefully scooping Dream into his arms and going back into the hidden blanket fort hearing the hidden door slide shut then the book switches reset. Dream clings to Cross as he cries trying to calm himself down and failing.
"R-remember the breathing exercise b-boss taught you?" Cross says hesitantly surprised when Dream begins to match his breathing to Cross's own. Slowly he begins to come down from his panic attack so Cross offers him some water causing Dream to tense up again fresh tears welling in his sockets. Cross immediately sets the glass aside asking what's wrong.
"R-Roof… drink…he…" Dream stammers doing another panic breathing exercise to keep himself from dropping again. Cross is horrified to find out that Dream had been roofied by someone. He remembers when it was done to him by a monster in an AU he was sent to. He woke up to find all his valuables and clothes spare his scarf, locket and underwear gone. He was humiliated and braced for beratement when he returned to give his report. Instead, he was wrapped in a blanket by Horror the moment he stepped into the living room before being sat on the couch. He had burst into tears and told him everything. Dust stayed with him while Horror went to report this to Nightmare leaving with him shortly after. He shakes the thoughts away focusing on Dream who is struggling not to cry again. Cross carefully pulls him closer letting Dream rest his head on his chest as he carefully rubs circles up and down Dream's back.
Dream focuses on the gentle rubbing to keep himself grounded as the ringing in his head gradually fades away. Cross continues to rubs his spine finally pushing Dream over the edge as he senses the sincere love coming from Cross. He burst into tears clinging to Cross like a lifeline, "He drugged my d-drink and told m-me I was imagining t-things! He k-kept trying to lead me to his h-house Cross! I w-was woozy and scared and-!" Dream breaks off remembering what his brother said about forcing himself to talk but, this didn't make him feel like he couldn't breathe. "I stayed with him for y-years thinking he l-loved m-me but…but he never d-did! Not l-like you d-do…" Cross doesn't press about the toxic ex continuing to be Dream's rock as he cries. "He always c-called me d-doll…I hated that name! I didn't s-see what he was d-doing to m-me until B-Blue begged me t-to break it off…" Dream breaks off again sobbing into Cross's chest as he felt like a small weight was lifted from his own. Cross rocks him gently stopping when Dream whimpers not wanting to trigger another panic attack.
Dream cries for another fifteen minutes before his sobs taper off into sniffles. He curls closer to Cross as the final tremors shake his smaller frame. Even with a small weight lifted from his chest he remembers why he wanted Cross alone. He finally asks the question that had been on his mind the past two and half months since the horrible morning, "W-why did you r-run?" Dream asks curling his hands in Cross's shirt. He gets upset thinking his lover will flee again, "Why Cross?!"
"I…" Cross whispers.
"You're clearly hurting over this so why?!"
"Dream…"
"Why would you avoid me if you love me so much? Why Cross?!"
"Because I'm a god damned coward and you deserve so much better!" Cross snaps back. "I caused you so much pain and stress over three months that you need to day to unwind! Why would you love someone that causes you so much distress? You don't need a dead weight like me holding you back." Dream is shocked by how little Cross thinks of himself. "It's not like you three need me to be happy anyway…" He pauses inhaling shakily, "It's j-just like boss s-said I'll never be worthy of your heart… Cross chokes up sounding ready to cry himself and Dream realizes that Cross genuinely believes these things to be true. He hates that Cross feels this way about himself and likely has for years hence the reason he never confessed despite everyone knowing he's smitten for Dream. "I'm a useless deadweight outside of missions…forced boss to reassign teams…I'm just a waste of space…I destroyed half the multiverse for no good reason…why would anyone like someone as horrible as me…?"
Dream can't stand hearing Cross put himself down so hard. He is heartbroken that his lover thinks so little of himself. It also makes him angry that Cross's confidence may have evaporated due to Killer being needlessly cruel over a single night of passion that was caused by that damn heat potion he and Nightmare were hit with. Dream reaches up rubbing his thumbs across Cross's cheeks wanting his lover to look him in the eye as Cross refuses to do so after he snapped. Cross continues to refuse as he shakes clearly on the verge of tears. "Did Killer kick you out in the morning while Night and I were taking a shower?" Cross stiffens his emotions sparking in distress which is an answer in of itself. "Please Cross he had no right to do that to you." That proved to be the straw that broke the camel's back as Cross looks at him with tear filled eyes,
"He…he…did…" Cross hiccups tears rolling off his cheek bones, "Told me to d-do the walk of shame…" Dream wipes away his tears as they fall nuzzling under his chin.
"That heat potion made a mess of everything." Dream sighs softly. "Even though the love making was amazing Night and I wanted to talk to you and Killer first and set boundaries before we even thought about sex with either of you." Dream pulls Cross's face in front of his and gives him a brief peck on his teeth, "Because like I said that night and today, I really am in love with you. I don't want better Cross, I want you." He snuggles closer to Cross letting him process what he just said enjoying his warmth. Cross I quiet for a few minutes before gently tipping Dream's chin up rubbing his cheek gently much like Dream's twin does when he wants a kiss. Dream nods and Cross gives him a gentle kiss which makes Dream's soul melt as he can feel that Cross loves him even if he doesn't think he deserves to be loved back.
"I l-love you D-Dream." Cross stammers when he pulls away. "I want to be worthy of your heart."
Dream nuzzles him, "You always have been Cross I hope I can make you believe that someday. For right now I want you to let out all your pain. It's my turn to be your rock." He resituates himself so he's comfortable while still being able to rub Cross's back. Cross shudders before beginning to cry in earnest as Dream soothes him. "That's it let it all out." Cross sobs when he sees at the genuine love in Dream's honey-gold eyes.
"I l-love you s-so damn m-much! I'm s-sorry I ran away…" Cross tells him rubbing their cheeks together. Dream rubs back a few tears of his own falling as he finally has answers.
"I love you too Cross. I'd rather you than Killer any day." Dream replies. "He had no right to squash your confidence and make you feel this way about yourself."
"I've felt this way for years Dream, long before I even met you or destroyed half the m-multiverse…Gaster made sure I never felt adequate enough f-for anything other than his plans…" Dream hugs him tighter hearing how horrible X Gaster had been to him. Cross gently hugs back careful to avoid the healed parts of Dream's spine. Dream leans up to kiss his cheek delighting at the blush that appears on his lover's cheeks. Cross sighs shakily, "Killer sought me out to relieve his pent-up energy…I told him no s-strings and he lied saying there were none. I figured he has feelings for boss and thought you two to be a package deal despite knowing my feelings for you."
Dream is both surprised and annoyed by that, "I didn't go through three toxic relationships to be treated like a damn object." He huffs before softening, "Again I love you regardless of the heat addled night we spent together. You treat me kindly. You actually love m-me and not my aura." Dream shivers a little as his exes come back to the front of his mind. Cross rubs his cheek gently with his thumb blushing a bit more when Dream nuzzles into his palm. Dream looks distressed despite Cross trying to keep him grounded him in reality. "It's okay Dream you're safe now. I won't let them hurt you anymore."
Dream shivers because that is something his third ex would always say. Dream hiccups his mind clouding over with memories he'd rather not have. He starts to cry again making Cross realize that must be a trigger phrase. Before he could apologize Dream stammers, "He always used to say that he l-loved me and he never did! Said he'd never let anyone h-hurt me, but he d-did…" Dream presses his face into Cross's chest, "And I w-was dumb and believed h-him every d-damn t-time…" Cross gently strokes Dream's cheek to get him to look up at him when Dream does, he says, "You're not dumb Dream. They're dumb for hurting someone as kind, loving and sweet and pretty as you." Dream blushes darkly hugging Cross tighter clearly surprised by the compliment. Dream asks if Cross still thinks he's pretty and he nods.
"Even when I'm ugly crying over what they did to me?" He asks in a small voice and Cross nuzzles him, "Especially then." Dream chuckles weakly nuzzling back asking what he did to deserve someone as sweet as Cross. Cross blushes mumbling that it's going to take a long time for him to feel worthy of Dream's love. Dream nuzzles him again kissing his cheek saying he'll wait forever if he must and remind him every day until Cross believes it. Cross hums softly snuggling Dream gently as he settles back onto the giant squishy pillows. "What is this place?" Dream asks as he lays on Cross's chest tracing patterns on his sweater.
"It's a nook I found when boss told me to clean up here as a punishment for failing a mission. I come here when I want to be alone or just want to hide from the crew. Dust and Horror use it too." Cross replies picking his guitar back up and strumming it. He settles again making sure Dream is comfortable before beginning to sing, "My lover's got humor. He's the giggle at a funeral. Knows everybody's disapproval. I should've worshipped him sooner. If the heavens ever did speak, he's the last true mouthpiece. Every Sunday's getting more bleak; a fresh poison each week. We were born sick you heard them say it. My church offers no absolutes. He tells me "Worship in the bedroom". The only Heaven I'll be sent to is when I'm alone with you. I was born sick, but I love it. Command me to be well. A-Amen, Amen, Amen." Dream listens to Cross mesmerized having never heard him sing before. "Take me to church. I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of you lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death. Good God let me give you my life. Take me to church. I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of you lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death. Good God let me give you my life."
Dream notices Cross has started crying but keeps quiet. "If I'm the pagan of good times my lover's the sunlight. To keep the Goddess on my side. She demands a sacrifice. Drain the whole sea. Get something shiny. Something meaty for the main course. That's a fine-looking high horse. What you got in the stable? We've got a lot of starving faithful. That looks tasty. That looks plenty. This is hungry work. Take me to church. I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of you lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death. Good God let me give you my life. Take me to church. I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of you lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death. Good God let me give you my life."
Dream begins to hum along softly not familiar with the song but it's beautiful. "No masters or kings when the ritual begins. There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin. In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene. Only then I am human. Only then I am clean. Ohhhh, ohhh. Amen, Amen, Amen." Cross pauses taking a shaky breath and Dream realizes that this is a way Cross vents his feelings as they are on vibrant display for him as Cross sings. "Take me to church. I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of you lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death. Good God let me give you my life. Take me to church. I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of you lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death. Good God let me give you my life." The final bridge is an explosion of emotion that brings tears to Dream's eyes as it is strong and beautiful. A rainbow of positive and negative emotions. Cross strums through the end of the song stopping to wipe his eyes as he takes shaky breaths.
Dream leans over and nuzzles him causing Cross to jump remembering that Dream is there having zoned out. "That was beautiful Cross." Dream wipes his own eyes kissing Cross's cheek. Cross blushes brightly thanking him. "I didn't know you could play or sing?" Cross looks away mumbling that he's shy about his musical talent. Dream nods to show he understands cuddling closer to Cross who smiles down at him shyly his cheeks flushed purple. Dream leans up asking for a kiss and Cross nods sharing a tender kiss with his lover. Dream purrs after snuggling under the blanket he just now realized Cross had put over him while he was panicking. Cross shyly purrs back and they cuddle hidden away from the world happy together for the first time in months. Dream is content to listen to Cross strum his guitar and Cross is happy to play for him.
Elsewhere in the castle Nightmare is not having as good a time being upset for triggering Dream again so soon after the previous night. He sighs knowing that there was no way he could have known the phrase upset Dream. He rubs his temples sinking onto the couch his tendrils flicking gently as he finally begins to comb through the information Dream gave him last night. He has three exes from three separate toxic relationships, the third being the worst one. The third was emotionally manipulative and physically abused Dream but the same could apply to the other two. No names just trauma and emotional scars Dream has to carry for the rest of his life.
Nightmare is furious he was unable to help protect his lover even though these relationships definitely happened before they made up and formed the truce. The fact that Dream suffered through three is even more upsetting. He gets up and begins pacing around wondering who Dream dated and swore to make them regret hurting him. The entire situation of Cross avoiding everyone because of Killer being a selfish prick bothers him, but he can't deny that he's drawn to his right hand. He plans to confront Killer as soon as he returns to tell him that he has no right to bully Cross out of the relationship. He has gotten himself worked up and sighs shakily going to make himself some tea to help calm his nerves. He focuses on Dream and senses that he has calmed down and is relaxed. That is a relief and he searches for Cross sensing him next to Dream's aura wondering what happened after Dream fled the study. What matters to him is that Dream is calm, and Cross seems to have stopped hiding from him. Perhaps now Dream and I can finally turn things around? He sips his tea a rare smile finding its way onto his face at the potential that things will get better.