A/N: Ahh! I'm back from the veritable grave!
So, long story short, I pretty much gave up writing all together over the last decade or so when life kind of ran away with me. But I never stopped thinking of my boys, and recently I've had a surge of motivation to pick this story back up, and a rough outline in my head. I know I 'ended' things on a happy note, but that was never intended to be the end, just a small win for the boys. I can't guarantee regular updates (obviously, lmao), but I'm going to do my best. I'm more than a little rusty, so be kind, if there is indeed any of you left out there!
Chapter Sixteen
JPOV
As much as I tried, I couldn't hold back a satisfied groan as Edward's teeth grazed across the skin of my neck. I hoped that it wouldn't leave a mark, not that I didn't find the thought of being marked as his sexy as hell, but it would raise a few questions, especially to Edward's parents, who were downstairs at this very moment. So far, Emmett was the only one to know that Edward and I were together, a thought that I was still trying to adjust to, though the feeling of Edward's lips on my skin was certainly helping.
It had been two weeks since I went from nearly losing my best friend, to gaining a boyfriend, and I thanked the universe every day that Edward had come to my house that night and not let me push him away. God, I had been so stupid.
Everything since that moment seemed to be going fantastically, but part of me couldn't help but feel like at any moment things would rupture and take a turn for the worst. I guess I really was a pessimist at heart, so it was probably a good thing that Edward kept reminding me of just how good things were right now, keeping me in the moment and not letting my thoughts drift too far. I was now and forever grateful for everything he had ever done for me, and I just hoped that I could be even half of that for him.
Edward broke me out of my thoughts as he brought his lips back to mine before giving me a look that told me he knew where my mind had been. I silently apologized for being distracted by pulling him flush against me on his bed, earning myself a slightly surprised gasp from my boyfriend. It continued to shock me that I had this effect on him. It was kind of an ego boost, honestly.
"My god, you're amazing." Edward's voice was slightly breathless in my ear as I ran my hands over as much of his body as I could reach. His words sent a shiver down my spine as his hands ran through my hair.
These after-school make-out sessions had become routine, with us ending up locked away in either Edward's room or mine. As usual, we told Edward's parents that we were doing homework, though I knew they didn't believe us. Esme knew that homework was code for video games, though what she didn't realize was that we had swapped out the Playstation for something a lot more fun.
"You're not too bad yourself darlin'." I still couldn't get over just how wonderful his touch felt and I kicked myself a little for not doing this sooner. I'd been missing out on so fucking much.
All logical and critical thought left my brain the moment Edward's mouth found mine again and he pulled me to him, impossibly close, and deepened the kiss. His tongue met mine and I heard my desperate whimper, as well as Edward's breathy moan. This was incredible. The way that he felt against me, his lips on mine, set my every nerve on fire in a way I had never felt before. I moved my mouth against his in a way that felt so in sync with him that it was like we were always supposed to be joined like this, and hoped for a second that neither of us would ever have to come up for breath. I just wanted to remain here, lost with him, never having to worry about anything that wasn't where to kiss him, and how to make him make that incredible sound in the back of his throat when I kissed his neck.
Still entirely wrapped up in his kiss, I felt Edward's hips shift against me in our lying position on his bed, his arousal all too evident as he pressed into my leg. Though my rational brain knew that this was perfectly normal – hell, I was painfully hard myself -, I couldn't help the way my body instinctively froze against him and how my breath hitched in panic. Edward noticed my change in demeanor and was quick to pull away, eliminating all contact between us.
"Jasper, love, are you okay? Shit… I'm sorry." Edward apologized and sat up on the bed, running a hand through his hair. I followed suit, sitting up and wrapping my arms around my knees, trying to catch my breath, as Edward looked on in worry. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him raise his hand to touch me, only to drop it again, and I hung my head in shame, resting it against my knees so I didn't have to see his face.
I felt like such an idiot. Edward wasn't going to hurt me, I knew that, but I still freaked out at even the thought of going further with him, of letting myself be vulnerable like that. Now, here he was apologizing for nothing, like any of this was even remotely his fault.
"It's not your fault, you didn't do anything." I didn't raise my head from my knees; I couldn't stand to see the pity in his eyes that I knew would surely be there. I pretty much had my breathing back to normal, but I was left with the sickening heavy feeling in my stomach from my good friend anxiety. "I'm sorry, I should be able to do this."
"Jasper, you shouldn't feel like you have to do anything you don't want to do." Edward still sat away from me on the opposite side of the bed, and I hated the distance between us almost as much as I hated myself for being the cause of it.
"I do want to. I just… I want to, but I can't. And I hate it, I fucking hate it, Edward!" I could already feel the tears forming in my eyes out of frustration and I kicked myself for thinking that I could do this. I wanted to be strong for him, but how could I when I freaked out over something so insignificant?
"Hey, don't do that to yourself," Edward moved to be next to me on the bed and I felt his arm tentatively wrap around my shoulders. I leaned into his embrace straight away, half to comfort myself, and half to comfort him. "We can work up to this stuff if you want to, don't try to push yourself just because you think you have to."
"Okay." I wasn't in any mood to argue with him right now, instead, I just curled myself into his into side and shut my eyes, trying to match my breathing to his. I wanted to tell him that he didn't understand what it was like to have to fight against your own brain, to have a voice inside you constantly screaming at you to run, but it was pointless because he would just reassure me that everything would be okay, and as much as I would want to believe him, I wouldn't. Right now all I wanted was to ignore the fact that I am broken, and just lay here in his arms and pretend that we could have a normal relationship somehow.
I must have dozed off at some point because the next thing I knew I was being jolted awake by Edward's movement.
"Sorry love, I didn't want to wake you, but dinner is ready." As much as I didn't want to disentangle myself from his arms, the call of Esme's cooking was too tempting.
As I made my way towards the bedroom door, Edward took my hand and pulled me back. I turned to look at him as he pulled me into a kiss, "Sorry, but I can't do this downstairs." Edward grinned when he pulled back and I couldn't help but mirror his expression.
We made our way downstairs towards the dining room and took our seats at the table, the scent of pasta and garlic bread wafted as Esme brought bowls of food through from the kitchen. I stood to help her carry in the dishes, but she waved me off. Edward and I sat opposite one another, with Alice to the left of me, and Carlisle and Esme taking their seats at either end of the mahogany table. Esme's cooking was exquisite, as per usual, and it was a few minutes before Carlisle broke the silence of the room.
"So, how was school?" Before any of us had a chance to answer, Esme piped up for the other end of the table.
"Well, clearly Jasper had a good day, at least if that love bite on his neck is any indication." Her voice was light and teasing, but it didn't stop me from accidentally inhaling the pasta I had just put in my mouth. I had to gulp down half a glass of water before I was able to regain my composure and silently curse Edward for giving me a hickey.
"Got yourself a lady friend, have we Jasper?" Now it was Carlisle's turn to join in the teasing. Great, Edward's parents were ganging up on me; meanwhile, he's just sat there with a hint of a smug smile on his face. I'd kill him for this later.
"Uh, no, it's um… It's not exactly-" my stammered response was cut short by Edward.
"Relax Jazz, they know."
I'm pretty sure I probably resembled a deer in headlights right about then. They know? Wait, what do they know? Do they know-know, or is this Edward trying to get me to go along with some made-up scenario? Oh god, I just wanted to get up from the table and run all the way home, and then possibly hide under my bed for a while.
"You do know, don't you?" Edward's confirmation came from Alice, who looked like she was about to burst.
"Jasper and Edward sittin' in a tree K-I-SS-I-N-G. First comes love-"
"Alice, that's enough." Alice pouted, as Esme thankfully put an end to the song, "I'm sorry Jasper, but it was hard to resist teasing when you have a hickey on your neck that you didn't have when you went upstairs." She gave me a sly smile and I felt my cheeks flush in embarrassment. Yeah, Edward was going to pay for this.
"I uh… about that…" Words fail me as I attempt to come up with some form of explanation. I decide to drop Edward in it, seeing as he's the cause of this whole damned situation in the first place, "Uh, Edward?"
"Aw c'mon, if I tell them it means we have to adhere to the open-door policy, and that's no fun."
"I think you're a little past that point, sweetie. And we'll definitely be addressing that issue later on." Esme cut in with a smirk.
Edward gave a dissatisfied groan and scooped another spoonful of pasta into his mouth, leaving me reeling at essentially having been outed. Part of me hated Edward's nonchalance, all of this seemed to come so easy to him. I aimed a kick at his shin under the table for good measure.
"Ow! What was that for?"
"For giving me a dang hickey!"
Esme and Carlisle laughed at the two of us before Carlisle spoke, "So, do you want to fill us in boys?"
I raised an eyebrow at Edward across the table, a look that said he'd better start talking. He met my stare and gave me a reassuring smirk.
"It's only been about two weeks," Edward started. "Y'know the night I went to Jasper's?" Esme nodded knowingly. "I didn't want to say anything because Jazz is still wrapping his head around it all." Edward trailed off, the care in his voice evident.
"Oh, Jasper, honey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable, we figured it was just Edward being sneaky." Esme said, resting her hand on my arm. I smiled at her to reassure her that it was fine.
"It's okay, we were going to tell you eventually, I'm just sort of coming to grips with things. Only you and Emmett know so far." Esme gave my arm a gentle squeeze before returning to her meal.
"So that means no blabbing, Alice" Edward shot a warning glare at his sister next to me, as if daring her to object.
I turned to face Alice, "Please don't tell anyone." I asked in a low voice, my eyes pleading with her.
"I won't, your secret is safe with me," Alice replied sincerely, before shooting a glare back at her brother. "I'm not that horrible, Edward."
"I didn't say you were horrible, you're just a gossip," Edward smirked, earning another kick under the table, this time from Alice. Before he could retaliate, Carlisle tutted at both of them.
"I'm glad to hear things are good between you boys. In all honesty, your mother and I were beginning to think you must have broken up that night you came back from La Push." Carlisle pushed his plate back and gave each of us a soft smile.
"Funny, Emmett said the same thing. Apparently, everyone knew I was gay before I did." I said, my brow furrowing. Was it really that obvious?
"Everyone but me," Edward laughed. "Could've saved us a lot of time if someone had clued us in."
"Teenagers," Esme sighed and shook her head, laughing as she stood to gather the empty dishes from the table.
I stood to help stack up the plates and take them to the kitchen. "Suck up," Edward called after me, laughing. I ignored him and held the plates out to Esme as she loaded them into the dishwasher. When she was done, she stood to face me, pulling me into a gentle embrace.
"You've been family for a long time Jasper, but I'm glad that you and Edward have finally found each other." Her smile was warm and comforting in the way only a mother's can be. It sent a pang through my chest as I thought of my own mother so far away.
"Thank you, Esme," I said softly, as we made our way back to the dining room, where Edward was leaning against the doorway.
"So, about that open door policy..." he said with a sly look.
"You know the rules, Edward." Carlisle piped up from behind him. "It wouldn't be fair to Alice when she's older if you didn't have to adhere to the same rules just because you're not at risk of getting someone pregnant."
Edward groaned and walked back to the dining table where Carlisle sat, throwing himself down into a chair next to his father. "That's irrelevant, because Alice won't be dating until she's in college."
Alice, who was halfway up the stairs came rushing back down, "Says who!"
"Says me," Edward smirked, turning to face her. "No way is a boy coming near you until you're like, 30. Maybe 35."
"Dad!" Alice shrieked, and Carlisle sighed.
"Edward, stop stirring up your sister." He shook his head and stood, shooing Alice off back up the stairs, before reiterating. "Rules are rules, Edward. But your mother and I have no desire to come peaking in your room, so just keep the door cracked and keep the noise down." Carlisle smirked at Edward knowingly before making his way out of the room with Esme.
Edward looked over to me, and raised an eyebrow, "shall we?"
~bfoso~
Once again, we were tangled on Edward's bed, our mouths pressed together hungrily.
"I'm going to kill you for that hickey," I murmured against his lips, as I felt him laugh breathily.
"I'm sorry, I genuinely didn't mean to leave a mark, I got carried away," there was a hint of actual remorse in his tone, "I can't help it, you drive me crazy."
"Yeah, well, you're just lucky it's Friday, or I'd be forced to wear a turtle neck to school," my lips moved to kiss a trail along his jaw.
"Do you even own a turtle neck?" he laughed, tilting his head back to expose his neck to my exploring lips.
"No. So behave yourself," my mouth trailed further down his neck, gently nipping the skin over his pulse in a warning, eliciting a small gasp.
"How the fuck can I control myself when you're doing that?"
"Figure it out," I pulled back and rolled onto my back, turning my head to look at him lying next to me, his face flushed with arousal. "Can I ask you something?"
"Anything," his hand reached out to lace his fingers with mine as I turned to stare at the ceiling, embarrassment coloring my cheeks.
"I can't believe you've never told me, but... are you a virgin?" I felt his hand squeeze mine gently as he laughed softly.
"I've really never told you?" I rolled to face him again, shaking my head. "Wow, okay, I guess I figured you didn't want to hear about gay stuff," he said, looking slightly bashful. "No, I'm not a virgin. But I've only ever been with one guy."
I nodded, trying not to be even more intimidated at his experience, and a tiny bit jealous at the thought of someone else being with him in ways I hadn't. "Was it someone I know?"
"Do you remember Jacob Black, lives down on the Rez?"
My body tensed, remembering the last time we were on the reservation, "Not that asshole who kissed you?"
"No, no, that was Paul, one of Jake's dickhead mates. Though I don't think they're really friends anymore after all that." Edward's thumb drew gentle circles over the back of my hand in a calming gesture. "Jake is the one I was sitting with that night. I've known him since we were kids."
"Oh," I said quietly, my eyes looking down to where our hands were joined. "Did you date?" I wondered how Edward had managed to keep his relationship from me, and if I had really given off the vibe that he couldn't tell me any of this before.
"Nah, not really. We're just good friends, and we both realized we were gay around the same time, so we kind of experimented, that's all. Nothing to be jealous of." I looked up to meet his eyes, a flash of humor in them.
"I'm not jealous," I said, defensively.
Edward laughed and squeezed my hand, "It's okay, I would be. Hell, even when you were dating Jessica I was jealous as fuck."
My eyes widened in surprise at his confession, "Seriously? We never even did anything but make out."
Edward laughed and rolled towards me, his hand cupping my cheek, "Yeah, but she got to kiss you and I didn't, and I hated her for it." He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine, momentarily distracting me.
"It never felt like this when I kissed her," I breathed against his lips, "Nothing has ever felt like this before."
Edward's hand threaded into my hair, continuing to press his lips slowly against mine. "Me too, I've never felt this amazing just from making out before." His lips ghosted over mine as he spoke, our foreheads resting against each other.
I closed my eyes and took a steadying breath, "I want to do more. More than just make out, I mean. I just... don't know what I'm doing."
Edward raised his head to press his lips to my forehead and pulled back to look at me. "I've said it before, but we will always go at your pace, my love. It doesn't matter what I have or haven't done before, I don't want you rushing yourself." His thumb brushed a soothing circle on my cheek.
"I know there's no rush, I just wish I wasn't so scared all the time. It's frustrating." I huffed a sigh and rolled over onto my back, staring at the ceiling again.
Edward propped himself up on one elbow to look at me, "Do you want to try something?"
I raised my eyebrows questioningly, "Like what?" The feeling of his eyes on me set my nerves on fire, the thought of his hands on me had my mind reeling.
"Nothing crazy, " he whispered, lowering himself to place a chaste kiss on my lips. "Can I take your shirt off?" As he asked, he sat up and pulled his own shirt over his head, flinging it onto the floor.
I swallowed hard, partially from taking in the sight of his bare torso above me, but mostly at the thought of him seeing my scars. He'd seen them before in brief glimpses when I'd changed in front of him over the years, but this was different, far more intimate. I nodded wordlessly, giving him the go-ahead.
He bent down again to kiss me, his hand resting on my chest. I was convinced he would be able to feel my heart pounding, but he wasn't deterred. His lips moved from mine and kissed a line along my jaw, and down my neck, as his hand slid lower across my chest and down to the hem of my t-shirt, his fingers dipping just under to ghost along my waist.
"That tickles," I breathed a laugh, as he looked up at me, a look of delight in his eyes.
"Don't tell me that, I won't be able to resist," he smirked, mercifully holding off on the tickling.
He sat back slightly as his hand slid up my shirt across my stomach, making my abs twitch in anticipation. After a moment more, he moved to grip the hem of my shirt pulling it upwards. I sat up enough to allow him to pull it off over my head and toss it aside with his own. His eyes raked over my body as I lay on the bed before him, studying me in the soft lamplight of the room. He bent closer, his fingers ghosting over me, before leaning down to kiss along my collarbones, continuing downwards. The feeling of his lips on my skin felt incendiary, and my breath hitched at the feeling. How could such a small act feel so incredible?
I watched him with fascination as he continued to pepper my skin with his lips, his hands placed on the bed on either side of me. His mouth came to the edge of the largest scar on my chest, cutting a silvery swath from over my heart down to the center of my abdomen. I held my breath subconsciously, expecting beyond reason that he would suddenly be scared off at the sight of my scarred skin. Edward's lips gently touched the top of the scar, kissing a line downwards, as if he could erase the mark. When he got to the bottom, moved to another of the other scars, and repeated the action, replacing the hate that had been etched into my skin with his love. I felt a sense of peace wash over me as he slowly worked over my torso, covering each instance of pain with his gentle touch.
When he reached the end of the final scar, I gripped his shoulder, pulling him upwards to crash my lips against his, pouring the words of gratitude that I couldn't form into the kiss. His hands cupped my face as we melted into each other, his bare chest pressing against mine as we shared words neither of us could speak. His hands roamed over my chest, sliding down my stomach to run along the edge of my jeans. His fingers crept lower to ghost over where my erection was straining against the denim, and my breath caught in my throat.
"Is this okay?" He whispered against my lips, his eyes boring into mine. I nodded, breathless, as his lips returned to mine, and his hand pressed against the bulge in my pants. A small groan escaped my throat, I felt Edward's lips twitch against mine, and I could picture the self-satisfied smirk that would be on his face.
The feeling of his hand on me spurred me to return the favor, my hand sliding down his chest to cup him through his jeans, feeling him gasp in shock.
"Jasper, you don't have to."
I pulled his lips back to mine, "I want to." I mumbled into his kiss.
For a long moment that's how we stayed, our mouths locked together, our hands pressed down between us, palming each other over our jeans. Edward was the first to advance, naturally, and his fingers tugged slightly on the button of my fly, silently asking for entry. I took a breath and reached down to pop the button as a sign of my willingness. He deftly unzipped my fly and pulled open my jeans, his fingers teasing the waistband of my boxers. I swallowed hard as his hand slid underneath the fabric, no longer anything separating his touch from my aching cock. His hand gently grasped my length, rubbing me slowly as he pulled back to look at my face.
"Is this okay?" He asked again, wanting to ensure he wasn't pushing me too far.
"Yes, fuck," My breathing hitched as I felt his hand rub over the head of my cock, pre-cum coating his palm.
"God, you're sexy," he buried his head in the crook of my neck as he concentrated on working my cock slowly but firmly.
I closed my eyes and tilted my head back, lost in the sensation of his hand on me, making me feel things I'd never felt before. I could feel his hardness pressing against my thigh, and instead of freaking me out, I had the burning need to feel him. I reached down, popping the button of his jeans and pulling down the zipper. He raised his head to protest, but the words died on his lips as I slipped my hand beneath his clothes, my hand wrapping around his shaft.
"Fuck, Jazz," His mouth pressed against mine again, our tongues dancing together as we mirrored each other's moments, our hands pumping up and down.
His hand gently squeezed me, his thumb teasing the head of my cock, causing me to shudder. I copied the movement onto him, following his lead dutifully as he guided us both towards the edge. I bit my lip to keep my voice contained as the sensation began to rise, the coil in my stomach beginning to tighten. I could tell Edward felt the same way, his cheek was pressed against mine, his breath heavy in my ear.
"I'm so close, baby" Edward's strained whisper in my ear sent sparks running through my body, as I felt his grip tighten around me, sending me tumbling over the edge.
"Fuck, Edward, I'm coming-" I bit my lip hard to keep from moaning loudly as I felt myself release into his hand. A moment later, I felt his body shudder above me, as his cock twitched and spilled into my palm.
We lay still for a moment, reveling in the afterglow of our shared climax. Slowly, Edward rolled to the side, pulling my hand from his jeans, his come cooling on my hand, as he did the same. I stared for a moment at the wetness coating my fingers and palm, and slowly brought it to my mouth, sticking my tongue out experimentally. I tasted the salty liquid, startled by the fact that I didn't hate it.
"Holy fuck, you're going to make me hard again." Edward groaned next to me, his eyes transfixed.
I chuckled and sat up, standing up to walk across to the bathroom door, noticing with mild delight just how jelly-like my legs felt. I walked over to the sink, rinsing my hand as I heard Edward pad across the room to join me. After we had cleaned ourselves up, Edward took my hand and led me back to the bed, sitting on the edge. His fingers brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering on my neck.
"You did so well, my love," he whispered, placing a soft kiss against my lips.
It was at that moment that I realized how much I had just overcome, and without any panic threatening to take over. I smiled despite myself, and leaned my forehead against Edward's.
"Thank you," I whispered, not wanting to break the spell of the moment.
Edward simply smiled, and pulled me down onto the bed beside him, his arms wrapping around my waist. I nestled into his arms, the feel of his hands resting on the bare skin of my stomach soothing me.
For the first time in a long time, I slipped off into sleep, my mind at ease.