JPOV

"Jasper!" Alice squealed from across the living room, running over to meet me and Edward at the bottom of the stairs. "Mom said you cracked your head open, are you gonna be okay?"

Her words came out in one quick rush, her eyes full of an innocent concern that made me smile. "I'm fine, sugar. It was only a small cut. Do you wanna see?"

"Ew!" Alice said immediately, her face then changing to a look of curiosity, "...okay, kinda."

I laughed and bent down, parting my hair to show her the small cut that was cleanly glued shut and only a little bit tender. "See? I'll live, your dad fixed it up right away."

"Ouch. Eddie, you need to look after your boyfriend better." Alice said pointedly, turning to her brother who looked immediately offended.

"Me?" Edward said incredulously, "I did look after him, I had a doctor on site immediately!"

"Do you two ever get along?" I snickered, leaning on the stair railing.

"No," they both replied in unison, turning their heads towards me.

"Jesus Christ," I muttered, throwing an arm around Alice's shoulders. "C'mon Ali, let's get you out of your brother's hair before he has a conniption."

"Hey! You're not supposed to take her side," Edward huffed, as Alice and I continued to the living room, picking up her overnight bag from beside the couch.

"Let me take that, sugar." I slung the bag over my shoulder, wondering how one fifteen-year-old could possibly need so much stuff for a one-night sleepover.

Edward retrieved the car keys from Esme who was fixing her lipstick in the hallway mirror. "Drive safe, boys. We'll be home around eleven or so."

I steered Alice towards the garage and loaded her and her bag in the car and closed the door, as Edward came up behind me, poking me in the ribs. "You're such a kiss ass, you know that?"

"I know," I grinned at him. "Want me to drive?"

"How's your head?" he said with a look of concern.

"Never had any complaints."

"We'll see about that," he smirked, kissing me up against the passenger door of the car.

"Get a room!" Alice's voice was muffled from inside the car as we broke apart laughing.

I took the keys from Edward and made my way around to the driver's side of Esme's car, sliding in and turning on the engine. Edward reached over to rest his hand on my thigh as we pulled out of the garage into the dying light of the afternoon. I knew Edward was still a little nervous when it came to driving at night, so I was happy to take over for him when needed.

"So, where to, sugar?" I glanced at Alice in the review mirror as I made my way towards the main road down the Cullen's winding driveway.

"Do you know Hayley Stanley?"

"Is that Jessica's sister?" Edward replied, looking over his shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm staying at their house tonight, I can give you directions, Jasper," Alice said, her eyes meeting mine in the mirror.

"All good, I know where Jess lives." I saw Alice deflate slightly as if she wanted the excuse to navigate.

"Unfortunately," Edward murmured, and I remembered his comment about being jealous of my ex-girlfriend.

"Play nice," I whispered, squeezing his hand on my leg.

We drove the fifteen minutes towards the Stanley's house, Alice singing along to Edward's Spotify in the backseat, complaining every time Edward skipped a song she liked. I gave him a light smack on the arm when it became apparent he was doing it on purpose, just to rile her up.

"Don't make me turn this car around, kids."

As we were pulling into the driveway of the Stanley house, I noticed the familiar faces of Jessica and her new beau Mike Newton on the porch. I instinctively let go of Edward's hand and moved it off my leg as I put the car in park and jumped out to retrieve Alice's bag, eager to avoid the look on Edward's face at my dismissal, embarrassment coloring my cheeks.

"Here you go, sugar. Do you want me to take it inside for you?" I held the bag for Alice as she climbed out of the car.

"Nah, I've got it. Thanks, Jasper," she leaned in to hug me, taking me slightly by surprise. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," she whispered before pulling back.

I gave her an appreciative smile before ruffling her pixie hair and watching her skip off up the porch past Mike and Jessica.

"Yo, Jasper! What's happening, man?" Mike threw his hand up in a wave, leaning over the porch railing towards me.

Jessica looked less than pleased to see me at her house and stayed quiet behind Mike, a tight smile on her face.

"Not much, just dropping off Alice for her sleepover."

"Isn't Alice Edward's sister?" Mike replied, clearly confused as to why I was there.

I gestured to Edward in the passenger seat of the car, "Yeah, just helping him out with an errand."

Mike nodded, waving to Edward who waved back politely.

"Well, see ya around on Monday, I guess. You too, Jess," I waved to them, opening the door of the car.

Jessica gave me a curt wave and walked towards the front door, dragging an oblivious Mike along with her.

It wasn't until we were back on the main road that Edward spoke. "She likes you, y'know."

"What, who?" I glanced at him, confused. "Jessica? Pretty sure she hates me," I laughed.

"No, Alice. She's had a crush on you for ages," he said, a hint of humor in his voice.

"What? No, she doesn't."

"She totally does, she practically idolizes you."

"Maybe that's because I'm actually nice to her, unlike you." I jabbed his leg playfully.

"Hey, I am nice, she's just a twerp," he said, swatting me away.

"I'm just saying, one day she won't be around and you'll miss her being annoying, trust me."

"It must suck for you to be away from Rosalie," he said, his tone changing to a more somber one.

"Yeah," I replied quietly. "It really does. We were inseparable as kids. Mama used to joke that we actually could read each other's minds because I was a really quiet kid and Rosie would do all the talking for me." A smile pulled at the corner of my mouth as I thought of my twin sister back in Texas.

"When was the last time you visited?" Edward asked, his hand returning to rest on my leg once again.

I laced my fingers through his in a silent apology for pushing him away earlier. "About three years ago now, Mama and Rose have visited here a few times since then, but it's hard for me. Going back to the house."

His fingers squeezed mine slightly in a comforting gesture, and I glanced over to smile at him. "I'd love to take you to Texas one day, though."

"Really?"

"Yeah. There's still things I love about being there. There's so much open space. And the sun, I do miss seeing the sun occasionally."

Edward laughed, "Yeah I do wonder what it'd be like to stay dry for more than a day at a time. Maybe we should plan a trip. I could get a tan."

"I'd love that," I smiled at the thought of showing Edward around my hometown. "You'd have to prepare to enter Hicksville, USA though."

"So I probably shouldn't pack my Daisy dukes and crop top?"

I let out a laugh at the thought of Edward in denim booty shorts. "Maybe not, though that sounds like a sight to behold, darlin'."

Edward laughed at my enthusiasm as I pulled the car into the tree-lined driveway of the Cullen residence.

"Speaking of, what did you want to do tonight since we have the place to ourselves?" he asked in an over-the-top sultry voice, sliding his hand further toward my inner thigh.

I pushed his hand back, "Quit it, if you make me crash this car you'll be shit out of luck and will have to walk to school. Unless you're game to get on the back of my bike." I teased, pulling the car into the open garage.

"Well, that doesn't sound like the worst idea in the world," I could see the wheels in Edward's head spinning as I shut off the car and looked over at him.

"You'd get on my bike? I thought you hated the idea." I said, recalling times in the past when he'd said as much.

"Well, that's because before I would've had to press up against you and be expected not to get hard. Now, however, that ship has sailed," he crooked a sly smile at me, reaching over to run his hand down my arm.

I rolled my eyes and got out of the car in an effort to hide the blush I could feel creeping across my cheeks. "C'mon, let's go inside, you horndog."

"You love it," Edward teased as we made our way back into the house.

~bfoso~

After finally deciding on what to have for dinner, Edward and I had taken up residence in the large downstairs living room, to take full advantage of the huge wall-mounted flatscreen TV hanging on one side of the room. Kicking his ass in a game in 4K was infinitely more fun, after all.

"Alright, that's it, I give up. I officially suck at this." Edward tossed his controller down onto the couch between us.

I raised an eyebrow and stared at him from my place on the opposite side of the couch, our legs tangled between us, "I can't believe you're actually admitting defeat, that's gotta be a first for you."

"Yeah, well, this game is dumb anyway," he huffed, folding his arms.

I couldn't help but smile a bit at his petulant expression, "Aw c'mon, darlin', don't be like that."

I could see the smile tugging at the corners of his frown, as I rubbed my hands along his calf muscles, inching closer to the ticklish spot I knew was at the back of his knee. He pointedly ignored me as my fingers crept closer, and he bit down on his lip as I started to tickle his legs in earnest. It didn't take long at all for him to squirm and break his resolve.

"Oh, so that's how you want to play is it?" he shot me a devious look before pulling his legs away from me and quickly crawling across the couch to tickle me, his fingers digging into my sides.

I knew I had started a battle I wouldn't win, since he had the high ground advantage, and he was already making me squirm under him as he leaned over me. "Fuck you, that's not fair!"

"All's fair in love and war, baby," he grinned, leaning over me before capturing my lips in a kiss, his hands moving to rest on either side of my body as he hovered over me.

I melted into his kiss, my body responding instantly to the feeling of him on top of me. Our bodies shifted to lie on the couch, my hands in his hair and his legs tangled between mine, our mouths moving together in unison.

I couldn't help but moan slightly as he moved to kiss my neck, and I tugged on his hair lightly to get his attention, "No more hickeys, remember."

He groaned into the crook of my neck, and I realized that it was due to my fist in his hair. I filed that information away for another time, as I was immediately distracted by the feel of his erection pressing against my own through my jeans as his body pressed harder into mine on the couch.

'Fuck," I breathed, as sparks of arousal shot through me, making me somehow even harder.

"You like that, baby?" Edward whispered into my ear, his teeth lightly nipping at my earlobe as his hips rocked against mine rhythmically.

I groaned and closed my eyes, my head tilted back as his movements took over my senses, my every nerve running on overdrive. I felt his hands move down to slide up my shirt, and I sat up to allow him to pull it over my head, as I grabbed the hem of his shirt and did the same. As soon as the fabric was over our heads, his lips crashed back against mine, his tongue running along my lower lip, begging for entrance. I opened my mouth to let him in, our tongues dancing together as my hands roamed to touch every inch of his exposed skin.

Edward's lips left mine, though his kisses never ceased, trailing a line across my jaw and down my neck, his tongue tasting my skin as he went. My hands gripped his shoulders as he moved, his mouth lighting a fire along my collarbones and down my chest. I let out a gasp as his tongue flicked out to graze against my nipple, the sensation causing me to buck my hips hard against his. We both let out a groan at the movement, his tongue circling my hardened nipple before trailing down the center of my chest.

He paused for a moment, moving back up to brush his lips against my ear, his voice low and husky with need, "I want to taste you."

I felt his fingers pop open the button of my jeans and I arched towards him, desperate for more. He unzipped my fly, his mouth moving to press kisses to my chest and stomach again. I felt a slight tug on the waistband of my jeans before my eyes shot open, a sudden thought hitting me like a cold bucket of water.

"No!"

Edward immediately froze his actions, looking into my stricken face before quickly moving to sit back on the couch, eliminating all contact with my body. I scrunched my eyes closed and sat up, swinging my legs over the edge of the couch, my hands fisting in my hair as I leaned forward to catch my breath.

"Are you okay, love?" Edward spoke in a hushed tone, and I mentally kicked myself for worrying him.

"Yeah, fine," I scrubbed my hands over my face. "Sorry."

"Baby, don't ever apologize for telling me to stop," he shifted to sit closer to me, his arm resting gently around my waist. "All you ever have to do is say no and that's it."

I sat up to look at him, his face stern in his conviction. I kissed him lightly, cupping his face in my hand, "I know. I trust you."

The truth of why I had said to stop made my stomach twist in shame. This had nothing to do with my fear of being intimate, and everything to do with the fact that I had the sudden realization that Edward didn't know about the litany of self-mutilated scars on my hips, covered by my jeans. He thought that he was respecting my boundaries, meanwhile I was just trying to hide my guilty little secret.

I sighed and rested my forehead against his, closing my eyes. "I'm sorry, it's just... being naked, I..." I trailed off, unsure of how to explain myself.

"Shh, love," he whispered, his thumb rubbing softly over my cheek. "It's okay," his arms wrapped around me, pulling me gently to his chest as we settled back against the couch.

I needed to tell him, I know I did. He would find out eventually, surely. But how much more of my baggage could he reasonably put up with? On one hand, it seemed so trivial, the cuts on my legs were nothing in comparison to the ones covering my chest and back, which he had embraced without issue. But on the other hand, he knew I had no say in those, they were something done to me, something beyond my control. The cuts on my leg were different, they were self-inflicted, a flashing neon sign of my mental instability and weakness, a message carved right into my skin that would tell him just how broken I truly was.

"Jasper? Where are you?" I felt his lips brush against my hair as he spoke.

"I'm right here?" I looked up a him, a confused look on my face.

"You're not, where is your mind right now?" he brushed a strand of my hair out of my eyes, tucking it behind my ear.

I sighed and pulled away from him, sitting up on the couch, my guilt at not being truthful making me feel uneasy. I bent to pick up my shirt from where it had fallen, fighting the urge to pull it back on to cover my exposed skin, my vulnerability eating at me.

After a moment, I stood and extended my hand out to him, "Wanna go upstairs?"

He looked up at me, his eyes clouded with worry and confusion. "Sure," he said, taking my hand.

As I led him up the stairs towards his bedroom, I was wracking my brain for some way to rectify this situation that didn't involve lying to Edward, or showing him just how much of a freak I truly was. I felt like I was walking a tightrope along the line of what could be considered a healthy relationship, and with every step I took, the wind threatened to blow me over the edge. I desperately wanted to be good for Edward, I wanted to be the man he deserved, not some damaged little kid who was only seconds away from freaking out at any given moment.

I pulled Edward into the room and closed the door, even though we would be alone in the house for at least a few more hours. I felt on edge, the thought of anyone else seeing me right now made my skin crawl with anxiety. Edward stood at the end of the bed, watching me with a curious look, as if he too was trying to decipher the thoughts running through my head.

I needed to turn my brain off. I needed to focus on the here and now. I needed Edward.

I crashed my mouth against his, pulling his body flush against mine, channeling all of my anxiety and fear into a desire for the man in front of me. I felt his body tense in surprise before his hands were on my hips, pulling me closer, his lips parting to allow my tongue entrance. He groaned as I fisted my hands into his hair, tugging slightly in the way I knew he liked, before sliding down to push him backward onto the bed. He watched me with a mix of shock and anticipation as I crawled up the bed to hover over him, his lips parted in arousal. I threaded a hand into his hair, pulling his head back to expose his neck so I could graze my teeth against his pulse point, eliciting a low moan from the back of his throat.

"Jesus fuck, Jasper," he breathed. "What's gotten into you?"

My lips quirked in a small smile against his throat, happy that I could at least manage this one simple thing. I continued to nip and suck at the skin of his collarbones, as I slid one hand along his chest, my thumb brushing over his hardening nipple. He made a soft whimpering sound as I continued my way down his chest, flicking my tongue out to brush over one nipple, my fingers still teasing the other. When I softly clamped my teeth around the hardened nub, I was rewarded with another deep moan and a buck of his hips against mine.

I moved down the bed, trailing open-mouthed kisses down his stomach, his abs trembling under my touch, spurring me on. My hands moved to the waistband of his jeans, popping the button and unzipping them as I peppered kisses along the light bronze trail of hair from his belly button to his now-exposed boxers. I repeated his motions from earlier, tugging gently at the top of his jeans, and he raised his hips to allow me to pull them down along with his boxers. He quickly kicked off the remnants of his clothes, and I knelt there between his legs, admiring not only the beauty of the naked boy before me, but the ease in which he was able to expose himself fully to me.

Would I ever be able to do that?

I took a moment to drink him in, forcing the thought of out my head as his straining cock stood between his legs, begging for my attention. I bent down, kissing his naked hips, my hands trailing along his thighs as he parted them for me, his breathing heavy with desire. I kissed the patch of skin along his left hip, mirroring the spot on my body that I was most ashamed of, appreciating the unmarred alabaster.

My finger trailed along the V of his hips, moving closer to his cock, and I steeled myself for what I was about to do.

Edward must have realized in that moment too, because I felt his hand on my shoulder as he sat up on his elbows. "Baby, you don't have to."

"I want to," I whispered, my eyes flicking from his down to his length as I wrapped my hand around his twitching cock.

He stayed propped up on his elbows, watching me as I lick my lips, watching the precum pool at the top of his erection. Before I lost my nerve, my tongue darted out to lap at his tip, causing him to gasp and drop back against the mattress.

"Fuck, Jazz, you don't-"

His words are choked off as I wrapped my lips around the head of his dick, swirling my tongue in circles as my hand slowly started to pump his length. I have no fucking idea what I'm doing, but I know that if I stop now my anxiety will ruin this, so I forced myself to focus on Edward and the whimpers spilling over his lips as I taste him.

"Oh god, baby, that feels incredible."

His words encouraged me and I did my best to relax my throat as I slid more of him into my mouth, my tongue never stilling on the underside of his length. I can taste him on the back of my tongue and I'm momentarily surprised at how much I like it as I take him deeper, bobbing up and down rhythmically.

"Holy shit," his hands tangled in my hair and I flicked my eyes up to meet his. "How are you so good at this?" he panted, his hips writhing under me.

The look in his eyes sent a thrill of excitement through me, causing me to moan around him, the vibrations making his hips buck against me. I increased my pace, my hand moving in tandem with my mouth as Edward's moans got louder, the grip on my hair tighter.

"Fuck... Baby, you need to move... I'm gonna..." he threw his head back against the mattress as his hands moved to my shoulders in an attempt to push me off.

I gripped his hips with both my hands, holding him to the bed, as I pushed my mouth down lower on his cock, hollowing my cheeks to suck him deeper and harder. His hands tightened where he gripped my shoulders and I can tell he's about to come, so I swallowed around his length as I heard a deep moan erupt from his chest, his body stiffening under me.

"Fuck! Jasper!"

Hearing my name on his lips as he lets go filled me with such an immense feeling that I'm almost taken off guard by his warm seed spilling into my mouth. I swallowed as much of it as I can as his cock pulsed in my mouth, his body trembling with his orgasm. I released him from my mouth, swallowing the rest of his come as I sit up, marveling at how much the taste doesn't bother me like I thought it might.

I crawled up the bed to lie next to Edward, his breathing still coming in his pants.

"Did I do okay?" I whispered, and he turned his head to look at me as he laughed breathily.

"That was more than just okay," he reached over to pull me close, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

I settled into his side, resting my head on his shoulder as his fingers drew a lazy pattern up and down my arm. I felt his hand drift lower towards the still obvious bulge in my jeans, and I grabbed his wrist to still him.

"Not tonight," I murmured into his chest.

"Are you sure?" He pulled back to look at me, confusion written across his face.

I nodded, letting go of his wrist and pulling myself tighter against his body, needing to feel his closeness. I think Edward must have sensed my vulnerability as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him, his lips brushing my hair.

"Are you okay, love?" His voice was soft as if trying not to spook a wild animal, and I furrowed my brow at the tone.

"I'm fine," I said, my annoyance slipping into my voice more than I wanted it to.

Edward pulled back to look at me, and I sighed at the look on his face, my irritation at myself growing. I pulled away from him, and sit up on the bed, scrubbing my hands over my face.

"Jasper, talk to me." Edward sits up next to me, crossing his legs under him.

"I don't know why I'm like this," I buried my face in my hands to avoid having to see the look of concern on his face one more time. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Nothing is wrong with you, my love." I felt him press a kiss to my shoulder as he rubbed soothing circles on my back.

"If nothing was wrong with me you wouldn't be trying to comfort me right now," I snapped, immediately regretting the hardness of my tone.

Edward sighed and shifted to sit in front of me, his hands in his lap. "Fine, I won't then. Now will you tell me what you're thinking?"

I clenched my jaw in frustration, raising my head to look at him. "I just want to be able to be a good boyfriend," I mumble pathetically.

"Are you kidding me?" he said, incredulous. "Jasper, you are more than I could ever ask for."

I scrunched my eyes closed, not allowing myself to cry in frustration as the feelings in my head war with the words he tells me. How can his words be true when I constantly feel like a disappointment, a failure?

"Love, please look at me," his hand cupped my face and I opened my eyes, my pained expression meeting his loving one. "You can't push me out like this. I know things are hard sometimes, but I'm here, okay? I will always be here." His thumb brushed over my cheek and I couldn't help the traitorous tear that leaked out.

"Why don't I get to just be happy?" My words surprised even me, and I saw the look of heartbreak in Edward's eyes. "Why do I always ruin everything?"

Edward's other hand came up to cup my face as he leaned his forehead against mine. "You haven't ruined anything, love. You're just overwhelmed."

I let out a small laugh at the fact that he knows what's going on in my head better than I do, "I'm sorry." I whisper.

His lips quirked up in a smile, "How many times do I have to tell you not to apologize?"

I laughed despite my tears, "Apparently a few more."

Edward pressed a kiss to my cheeks. "Stubborn bastard," he laughed, wiping away my stray tears.

I smiled at him, sending up a prayer to whoever the hell might be listening, thanking them for giving me Edward, even if I didn't deserve him.

A/N: Poor Jasper, depression is a persistent son-of-a-bitch, and it can definitely ruin a moment. I hope everyone understands why things wont be a smooth ride for the boys, especially when it comes to having a sexual relationship.

Let me know what you thought!