Back with another chapter, just like I said I'd be! Also, while I'm hoping to keep up with the more constant updating, I'd like to give a reminder that this story is a slowburn. And that I'm human with a life that's not been the kindest in the last few years. So if you're annoyed with the pacing of anything, keep that in mind or go read something else more your flavor: thanks. (If this comes out as rude, blame my dms. I'm tired of people acting entitled to my work and like I'm a robot who should be writing differently.)
Lucy's dreams were strange and constant. Full of colors and sounds that left her dizzy and whirling about, trying to find any level ground to keep her balance. She felt heat, blistering against her face and the sounds of a strong, loud roar echoed deep into her bones.
Someone was in pain.
A deep, desperate pain that shook her soul and spilled liquid from her eyes. She tried to find the source, but her gaze was only met by smoke, debris, and the alluring glow of the stars above her.
She couldn't keep her bearings straight in this mess of a place. Each turn Lucy took, left her at a dead end or sliding down chunks of rock and broken building. The charred remains of creatures were all around her: their talons larger than her head, unmoving claws pointing to the sky like daggers left within the ground. She couldn't smell the remains, but the sight was muted by the dust and smoke that filled her lungs.
All while the stars shone more brilliantly than she had seen in all her days. Each one a seeing bright white that lit up the sky almost like day time, brightening pieces of the ground where she walked. They illuminated more bodies, human and grotesque creatures, and guided her down pathways she thought were dead ends mere moments before. Twists and turns took her through a decayed land she couldn't recognize and after the smoke lifted, Lucy felt the insurmountable realization that she was lost.
Where was she? How did she leave? "Hello?" Her voice echoed, empty and listless, searching for something, someone? Where were they?
She called again, voice cracking with desperation and tears staining her cheeks. The roar was loud enough to rumble the earth beneath her feet. They were close. (Who?) But even with strained eyes, she couldn't see them. The roar broke into a desperate, whining sob, fizzling like water over a flame. Lucy's heart clenched and her knees bruised against the rubble, clamoring over cracked stones, rushing to find the source.
I'm here! I'm here, but I can't find you!
"Please," She tried again, feet slipped out from under her and she gasped, "Tell me where you are? I can help!"
Could she? Could she really? Somehow, it felt as if the very stars laughed at her statement. Feet aching, - bleeding, Lucy realized- she stayed sunk to the ground as an ashy taste filled her mouth. Lucy thought she could call out again and hopefully receive an answer. The broken voice that roared could break her heart in two, but the stars flared and the answer came in a flash of flames that burst from overhead. An outcropping of land and a busted tower hung overhead and the silhouette of a man shone above, the edges of his shoulders illuminated by the soft glow of the stars.
His head was flung back, staring to the sky above as curses passed between sharp fangs and tears streamed down his face. Lucy couldn't see his face, not enough to recognize him, but his shaking shoulders joined with the roars of rage, sorrow and scales bubbled across his skin.
Danger, the stars whispered, there is danger here.
"No," Lucy rasped, struggling to stand, "I can help, I can- he, he NEEDS me."
His head turned at the call of her voice, eyes burning with rage.
"Wait, let me help you and we can-"
DANGER
The voices screamed in chorus and Lucy woke with a start, the sharp thud of the floor cracked against her ears. With the pained realization of her eyes swollen from tears, Lucy rose from the floor and groaned. "... today is going to be terrible, isn't it?"
Winter was a season where time passed by both quick and slow. The days were short, but the cold kept many from being too active, nestled in the furs of their beds, consuming what heat they could. The nights were long, time melting off the candles slower than one would expect. The topic of the imprisoned man died away as he kept his silence, security around the border lessened as the snows settled in, keeping the town safe from outside entry. Lucy's leg grew stiffer from the cold, loosened only by the heat of a warm fire and Natsu's steady hand as he assisted Wendy in observing it.
Lucy had seen the old healer, Porlyusica, only once, and part of her wondered if she'd imagined the woman. Other members of the town came to see her with time. She met so many through the weeks and many names whirled together with their faces. Learning Mirajane not only had one sibling, but two, was a surprise and the strange abilities of those like Vijeeter and Laki caught her eye. There were so many in this clan and Lucy marveled at how anyone could ever keep track. Even her own clan hadn't been so large.
But these were small matters that only filled the voice in her heart with friends and laughter. By the time the sun began to heat and whisper of Spring coming soon, Lucy had made herself more than comfortable. In fact, she could hardly imagine leaving. The longer she stayed, the more chances she had to get to know everyone. And their own doubts or curiosities towards Lucy melted away with the coming heat.
"Lucy, do you mind if I take your measurements today?" Mirajane made an effort to visit Lucy each morning, often bringing breakfast along with her. With thick furs and leather adorning her dress, Lucy wondered if the woman was ever cold. If anything, she seemed warm and toasty each time she left her house, but this visit threw Lucy for a loop.
She'd been halfway through a slice of toast when Mirajane broached the question and eyebrows raised curiously. "Hm? Measurements? What do you need that for?"
Mirajane's answering smile felt devious, "To get you some new clothes of course. What else would I need it for, silly?"
Lucy swallowed and glanced around her room, currently covered in an array of Winter Jasmine's and Snowdrops. It was true that her current collection of clothing were all hand-me-downs from the ladies in the village, but Lucy felt timid at the thought of earning more. Especially ones hand made specifically for her. "I think I have enough clothes, thanks to everyone here."
Giggles followed behind her as Mirajane pulled out a small measuring tape, clucking her tongue. "While you look just fine, it's clear they weren't made for your specific sizes, Lucy. You should have something just for you! Besides-"
Her voice dropped off, eyes glancing left and right as if expecting others to be listening in. Lucy waited for her to continue, but raised a brow when the silence continued.
"... Besides," Lucy coaxed, "What? What is it?"
"Well," Mirajane hedged, lips pursed together sheepishly. "It's almost Spring. All of your clothes are made for colder weather." Lucy had to give her that. Wearing warmer clothes once the temperature rose would be miserable. Before she could give Mirajane that point, she continued with a conspiratorial voice.
"And you'd look so great at the dances if you had something new!"
This. This caught Lucy's attention, tearing her gaze away from the decor of her room, she fixed Mirajane with a mystified stare. "Dances? You mean, like, celebrating the New Year or The Coming Of Spring? I didn't think you all had such traditions."
"Oh we don't!" Mirajane clarified, now joining Lucy's side of her small table, eyes gleaming. "But we all come from somewhere that used to have those traditions, so we've merged a lot of them together for the spring. It's fun. We have a week-long bonfire by the beach, have feasts and a lot of dances to celebrate with each other before we start our summer traveling again. There's many different types of dances. Most of us just do whatever feels natural, but we all try and have specific clothes for it!"
Lucy stared as all this information sank into her mind, blinking dumbly for a few seconds. "That.. I suppose that sounds really nice actually."
The measuring tape snapped in Mirajane's fingers. "So… how about those measurements, hmm?"
She couldn't think of a reason to deny it now. Blowing her hair from her eyes, Lucy finished her toast. "Let's do it, then."
Whether she would regret that decision or not was for the future to know. And Natsu. Who was greatly amused that day when Lucy joined him by the training grounds, looking more than a little ruffled and exhausted. With the patrols lowered, he had more free time on his hands and often moved about the village to check in on everyone. With nothing else to do, he'd begun practicing against dummies made of straw. (Figures he'd been warned time and time again not to use his magic on, which was so hard to resist most days.)
"Sure, I agreed to it," Lucy explained, seating herself nearby to watch as one particular dummy met its end in a puff of straw that littered the bits of snow still clinging to the ground, "but measurements shouldn't take that long, should they? She had me twist and turn and hold my arms up constantly! What was she trying to measure for? Certainly not a dress!"
Natsu's answering snicker when another dummy tilted in the ground only fueled Lucy's ire. "Hey! Are you laughing at me?"
"- little bit." He saw no point in lying, casting a smug grin her way as he answered. "Mirajane's tough like that."
"Hmph, did she get you too?"
Another dummy down and Natsu frowned. He could have sworn there was more to go around, why were they all already grounded? "Nah, not me. I already got clothes to wear for Spring. Besides, ya' can't just expect her to sew clothes for everyone here, can you? That's crazy."
Lucy paused, considering these words of wisdom. Natsu often had moments of secret intelligence, she'd begun to learn. When most of the time, outside of hunting and battle, he seemed to goof off, other times he would say something that spoke of an insight most thought didn't belong with him. He'd made a good point and her cheeks reddened, feeling abashed at her own lack of foresight.
"She'd never get any free time." Lucy said, a few seconds later, before Natsu's newest attempts to rebuild one of the many dummy's left her staring. "... I don't think that's what they looked like earlier."
"Their fault for being easy to mess up then."
"Erza's going to be mad."
Natsu had the decency to look worried for a moment. "If anyone asks: Gray did it."
"I'm not lying for you."
"Oh come on," Natsu whined, "I'd do it for you!"
"Do I look like I'd go around destroying Straw dummies?" Lucy asked, voice a low monotone.
"I'm sure you could whack a few with your cane if you really wanted-"
"Absolutely not-"
Bickering had become commonplace over the cold season. While their voices mixed together over the wind coming across the sea, many who passed by shrugged their shoulders and ignored it. Lucy's presence may have been new, at first, but this scenario was slowly becoming a normal part of their day. They would talk back and forth, laugh and shout, fall to silence as they began to entertain themselves, before the cycle would start all over again.
The only interruptions to such routine were the ones spent with others, who fell into the rhythm just as easy. If Lucy was honest, she would admit she'd begun to look forward to each one. While part of her believed she didn't deserve to have this comfort, a much larger part reveled in it. This was missing in her life, and it was healing more parts of her than the knee that continued to throb in the dead of night.
Even if she couldn't help, she felt as if something else lay in wait, preparing to pounce.
Lucy convinced herself it was paranoia, but there were many times, in the night, where voices whispered to her. Unknown, yet recognizable, like old friends or strangers she met once before. They whispered many things when the night was too cold for sleep. 'You're safe. We'll protect you. Please, keep your eyes open, they will be back.'
Dreams, Lucy thought. Weird, worrisome dreams like that morning, but worst of all were the strange, daily visions. She never knew when they would come, but in the back of her mind a light would flash and she wouldn't see the world as it was anymore; Fire and smoke so thick it blocked out the sky, making day look as night. And the visage of Natsu standing before her, eyes angry, fangs bared and scales crawling up his skin; he never looked human, and in those dreams, the voices screamed loud enough to send Lucy sprawling from her furs, shrieking as she hit the floor.
' l.' The shout echoed, reflecting the warning of her dreams.
"Well, can I at least count on you to not rat me out?" Natsu asked, face blocking her view as he moved in close. The echoes stopped and Lucy fell back to earth, confused.
Too close. Their noses touched and Lucy yelped, stumbling back in surprise.
"Do, do you mind?" She snapped, heat flaring through her face as her heart palpitated. "You're going to send me into shock one of these days."
"... but I didn't do anything?" he questioned, looking just as puzzled. "Anyway, will you?"
"Will I- what?" Her head throbbed and she closed her eyes, barely focused on his question at all.
"Not rat me out?" Natsu pressed, stepping close once again he grasped her shoulder, hands gentler than the straw dummies had received. It kept her balanced, grounding Lucy to the moment as she considered him. "Hey, are you okay? You're lookin' kinda pale."
"No, No, I'm fine." She assured him, uncertain if that was the truth. "And fine. I'll not rat you out, happy?"
Natsu leaned in, repeating his earlier proximity, but Lucy was prepared this time. Her eyes crossed in an attempt to watch his own and he examined her face with a seriousness she hadn't seen since she'd come there. Satisfied with what he saw -Lucy couldn't begin to guess what- he stepped back, grin back in full force, revealing the hint of his sharp canines.
"Well, your cheeks and nose are plenty red, so maybe the wind is getting to ya. Why didn't you just say you were cold?"
Lucy stared, flummoxed before coughing through an incredulous laugh. "I'm not that delicate, but of course I'm chilled. It's still winter and we're both outside. If anything, you should be cold. Your one layer of clothing is as thin as a washcloth!"
Natsu's boisterous laugh was his only answer, and the conversation continued. This time, with him leading her back down the hill for a warmer location.
While Lucy often spent her time with Natsu during the day, she still found the company of others around the village. There were many new faces to meet that scarcely left their homes in the winter. Some stragglers who still hadn't finished traveling back until the New Year had passed. Lucy found chances to meet all of them and enjoyed getting to know more about those she was already familiar went.
Her day went on and she learned bits and pieces of this Spring Festival everywhere she went. Hobbling through the streets, Romeo would talk her ear off as she examined the market stalls before he'd dart off to his father's side. Macao would grace her with a warm smile and they'd be off, soon replaced by Erza and Freed, who spent time near the blacksmith, honing their own blades. Both seemed intense when Lucy first met them, but they felt more relaxed, easy to strike up conversation while they shopped. Lucy originally intended to greet them and move on, but Erza's insistence to join them had her in the middle of a topic she knew nothing about. Freed seemed amused, but was more than willing to tell her about his own interest in blades and rune work, surprisingly complimenting the skills of Levy and Erza as he went.
Most curious was the moment Makarov sidled up to her side at some point, ushering her towards a stall overflowing with fabrics. He took the opportunity once she was free of the two sword enthusiasts and asked for her opinion on colors, design prints and the like. He surprised her with historic knowledge of some prints, while side eyeing the merchant, silently ordering fabrics as they went. It was interesting, but left Lucy feeling lost in a whirlwind. Somehow, the town felt as if it had flipped in the course of a day and the upcoming festival was the only thing on their minds.
Talk in and out of the market was buzzing with the excitement for spring. Every where Lucy looked, someone was talking about a new dress they were making or the old ones they mended. The streets were alive and Lucy loved it. The feeling of home and tradition seeped into her bones. And while it was different from her previous life, it chased away the solemn emotions that drifted constantly behind her. No longer did the town feel frozen in place, stiff and waiting for hidden goes. It was loud and warm and Lucy felt no reason to resist falling into the joy of it.
Her first hint of apprehension creeped along her spine the moment she learned more of the dances. Welcoming the warmer months, celebrating life and another year lived, sounded joyous, but then she heard the whisper of courtship and a chill ran down her spine.
"...the festival.. Is about, finding a partner?" She had asked when the first wisp of a rumor caught her attention. Levy and Mirajane were with her now, talking in the mess hall as Mirajane worked on a small pattern of honeycomb on scraps of fabric.
"Not everyone joins in on those dances.. It's all voluntary." Levy explained sheepishly... "But it's how most couples get together, sure."
"Oh yes. I remember my own dance fondly," Mirajane gushed with a secret smile, "Laxus didn't know what to do with himself that first time."
Lucy waited for further explanation, but when none came, she turned to Levy with an eyebrow raised. "Laxus… can dance?" Attempting to imagine the large behemoth of a man dancing put Lucy through mental gymnastics her mind wasn't prepared for. Only the visual of his distrusting glare centered her thoughts until she shook her head. Even he had calmed down on his judging stares, if only a little bit. Perhaps it was unfair to think that was all he was capable of.
Levy giggled, "If you want to call it that. Their courtship was a strange one."
Her curiosity was piqued, but a strange sense of embarrassment stopped her from asking for further clarification. The dances would have nothing to do with her, of course. Courtship was the last thing on her mind. Lucy couldn't help but notice the wistful expression that clouded Levy's eyes, however and nudged her. "Let me guess, you have someone in mind for courting, Levy?"
"Huh? Oh, pfft, no!" Levy laughed, cheeks turning red despite herself. "At least, not right now. Jet and Droy both did dances for me once, but I - ah.. Turned them down." She cleared her throat and busied herself with the tome she'd brought with her. "Someday maybe… "
And just like that, the conversation died. Neither girl seemed interested in explaining the ritual further. Though Lucy put the newfound information into the back of her mind for later use. Learning more about their spring customs was fun, but the idea of using it for romance felt… off. At least to her. Lucy couldn't pinpoint why her stomach roiled at the thought. She'd rather learn about the pieces that didn't involve courting.
The rest of her day was the same as every other wintry evening. Though Lucy could still feel the town waiting with anticipation. The buzz was the base of every conversation. Many cat side-eyed glances and knowing smiles to the other even as they branched on to other topics for the day. It brought a cheeriness to the air that Lucy hadn't realized was missing and yet a thought still simmered in her mind. She wondered, if perhaps, this was what the enemy wanted in the end? A false sense of security perhaps? Or was she just paranoid?
Probably the latter. I'm overthinking this.
Dinner came and went and Lucy tried to ignore the warnings in her mind. A strange anxiety began to build in the depth of her gut and it caused her to grow quiet, listening to the others around her rather than speak out herself. Gray was fighting with Natsu again. Erza interrupted them. Laxus had appeared, staring from a distance as he spoke quietly to Freed in hushed voices. Lucy registered when he left, walking side by side with Mirajane - a tense atmosphere hanging over the two of them- but her attention was swept away to Levy and her friends chatting loudly. Romeo and Wendy were talking to Cana before the healer darted off for an early night.
Everything felt normal, and yet it buzzed like background noise as Lucy's mind whirled around too many things at once. She barely noticed when dinner ended, and her body moved on auto pilot as she made the trip back home.
Home. That's right. She had a home now. Didn't she? Her own place. Her own den of safety. That realization tugged the corner of her lips and her earlier anxiety was silenced. No matter what concerns, Lucy knew her night would hopefully be a good one. There's nothing to worry about. Dreams and a lot of optimism doesn't mean the world is ending.
"Did Lucy seem a little quiet tonight?" Romeo asked those who remained in the mess hall. Natsu tilted his head, mouth full of fish as he considered the younger boy's question.
"She seemed fine to me." He answered after a few seconds, mulling over what he'd observed that day. She was her usual self when he was training, seemed more than inquisitive in their festival coming up and spent most of her time with the others. Admittedly, it was nice seeing her get along with everyone so well. He took another bite of his meal and sighed. "Who cooked tonight? This fish is awesome!"
"Mirajane and Kinana, obviously." Macao answered, sharing a concerned look with his son. He cleared his throat and nudged Natsu in the shoulder, ignoring the way the jostling made him grunt and glare over his plate protectively. "Are you getting lazy, Natsu? I thought for sure you'd notice something was off."
Natsu bristled, "And what do ya' mean by that?"
"You're supposed to be keeping an eye on Lucy!" Romeo accused, arms crossed. His interjection drew the attention of those who were left in the hall and Natsu frowned, brows pulling together as he stared at them. "You really didn't notice?"
"She's not my charge anymore." Natsu said, voice souring. "She's one of us now, unless she chooses not to be. Ain't it better to let her be?"
"Thats-"
Macao shushed Romeo, placing a hand on his shoulder as he whistled under his breath. "Are you purposefully being indifferent or is this your way of letting her be independent?"
Natsu felt the beginning of irritation boiling in his veins. He stuffed the remainder of his meal into his mouth and fumed, considering his words. It was hard to say exactly what he was feeling, or how to explain it, but he knew constantly hovering over Lucy any time she had a mood swing wasn't going to help anyone, least of all her. Right? "She doesn't need to be babied."
"I think," Gray, who'd been off to a corner for most of the conversation, slid into a chair next to Romeo, expression grim, "Natsu actually has the right idea for once. If something's going on with Lucy, let her come to us when she's ready. Hasn't she been through enough?"
Natsu hated to admit it, but Gray worded it far better than he ever could. "... you could have left out the 'for once'."
"No." Gray deadpanned, "I couldn't." He grimaced and added, "The fact I'm even agreeing with you is annoying, I can't let you start believing I think you're smart."
Whatever argument that had ended earlier began all over again as Natsu sprung from his chair and challenged Gray. Everyone groaned and quickly busied themselves with the clean up. Night was well underway and none of them wanted to get in the middle of Natsu and Gray's need to one up the other. Like Lucy, the village slowly grew quiet with the multitudes of people readying themselves for sleep. When Natsu finally left the mess hall, his stomach was full, his body sore from scrapping with Gray, and his mind full of Romeo and Macao's concerns.
Was Lucy quiet? Yes.
Did he think he needed to bother her about it? Absolutely not.
Considering how much she learned in a day, and how busy she kept herself, Natsu assumed exhaustion had won her over. Why else would she go to bed on her own? (He did feel a slight pang of guilt for not walking her back, but she'd insisted she was more than capable of walking home on her own now that her leg wasn't constantly giving out. Her cane was more than enough support these days.)
If she continued to be un-lucy like, Natsu decided he'd prod then, but not a second sooner.
Sleep didn't come easy that night: Not for him.
His own home was a small comfort, full of furs, collected stones and random statuettes gathered through his travels. Natsu always felt comfortable when he fell upon his bed of furs, drifting into sleep with extreme ease. Coming home to greet his bed had met with the same results, but the darkness behind his lids did not stay. What once began with the even breathing of sleep, turned to the rasping gasps of a man starved for air. His view changed to smoke and a bloodied sky. Angry, dark flames that licked from fallen debris and ruined towers crawled atop the cracked dirt, twisting like writhing, angry snakes.
His own body was hot. Too hot.
It seared and pulled at his skin and a hollowed throbbing sprung from his chest. An emptiness that stabbed inside of him until his mind was full of only pain and the broken howls that ripped through his throat. Natsu didn't know this place, but he knew its destruction was by his clawed hands. Claws stained in blackened blood tore through the rock around him as the heat of his body melted what he couldn't reach. He smelled the stench of others: dead or dying, bodies burnt or crushed under the might of his rage.
Natsu thought he heard screams. Victims begging for mercy, but his reason did not hear it. It didn't exist.
A piece of him stared in horror from within, screamed to be free of the boiling hatred that fueled his body, but the main piece of his soul controlled the world around them.
Why should anyone have mercy? Why should anyone live? What right did the world have to move on with time while this gaping hole in his chest cried for what it could not have? Cried to be filled, put together again. He fell to his knees, screams turning to sobs of pain, tears burning his scarred cheeks.
Why should anyone live, when I can't even touch the one I-
"Wait!"
The first voice of the many broke through his whirling thoughts and broken screams. Delicate arms tightly encircled him from behind. The black of his flames ebbed as a small, gentle light consumed them and a strangle, gentle warmth grew along his back. Natsu froze in place, mouth agape as he struggled for breath, fingers flexing as he tried to name the person touching him.
"Please," The voice, a girl, begged, her hold tightening against him, "Please let me help you, there must be something I can do!"
The pain in his heart became a slow thrumming, each wave of light pressing against him, dulling his senses until all Natsu could acknowledge was the gentle presence behind him. Her fingers were pale, sickly pale, and stained in the blood of others. The blood he caused.
Monster. You hurt everyone.
"Remember. It wasn't always like this," She pleaded, and his body, twitching from the voice shouting in his head, slowly turned to face her.
"Remember our story!"
What right do you have to peace?
His roar wrent the Earth, broke the ground beneath him as fire and ashes burst across the land, blowing the ruins and corpses far from him, Natsu's cry was joined with tears and a pain that burned the skin off his arms and he lashed out; taloned hands awashed in his dark fury struck her, his turn complete, and fingers tore through her body, rending flesh from bone with sickening ease, spilling viscera from the gaping gashes he left on her body. Her voice withered away and blood pooled beneath them.
Her gentle glow faded and a voice, small and broken, echoed around them.
"Don't... Forget…"
Finally, Natsu could see her, he growled and wondered who would dare remind him of what he couldn't have. Who would think to touch him, to give him any sort of solace? He tried to meet her empty, dead eyes, only to find brown and familiar irises looking back at him. Golden hair flew in the wind and his body grew slack in surprise.
"Lu-"
"Don't forget me."
Natsu woke with a start, body reflexively leaping from his bed as he wildly glanced around his room. He expected the ruins. The destruction. The fire and death. He was ready to see Lucy broken and dead at his feet. The smell of the crisp, cold air reached him, sending a chill along his sweaty brow. He barely felt rested and wild eyes glanced to his hands, no longer covered in soot or the blood of the innocent.
What.. sort of dream was that?
Natsu's throat felt raw and he coughed. His hands shook and his body moved on its own, instinct sending him out his door and down the path. His feet crunched through the gravel and his rapid pace made his lungs fill with air and clench in pain from the sudden blast of cold that met him. The temperature had dropped and frost dotted the ground around him.
The heat of his feet left melted footprints in his wake, but he didn't stop to pay attention to the magic humming and chaotic under his skin. There was only one thought that ruled his mind.
The need to see her: To see Lucy.
"Please, be okay."
Next Update: February 20th. :)
Read it? Like it? Let me know! And hope you all have a great 2023.
Also, special thanks to Phoenix-Before-The-Flame on tumblr for being my beta. They have been an immense help with keeping me on track.