Sorry, sorry, sorry! I know it has been so long since I last posted a chapter. I have just been so busy with real life that I haven't been writing much lately. That mixed in with a little bit of writers block has meant that I haven't felt comfortable posting a chapter for a while. I promise that I will finish this story as I hate it when stories are left half done, but it may take me a while to get to the end. I know where I want to go with the story but getting there is causing me some trouble lol. Thanks so much for those of you that have stuck with me this far and I don't blame anyone who has lost interest as I know I would be the same. If you are still around, please drop me a review as it really spurs me on.
And as always, thanks to my fab beta, CoppertopJ, who is always there when I need someone to bounce ideas off and read over my writing to make sure it's not all nonsense and without her it probably would be! lol
Edward had kept his arms loosely wrapped around me until the humans, who thankfully were only passing by, were gone. Not that I would complain about being in his arms, of course. Once he was sure they were out of our range and not coming back, he let go and we sat on the ground outside the tent facing each other.
"How did you do it?" he asked, his eyes still incredulous.
"Honestly, I don't really know," I answered, "I just focused on not breathing. It was only when I realised you weren't actually touching me and I accidentally gasped, that I realised I couldn't smell anything. I think I might have been unconsciously using the shield every time I've been hunting though."
"That's how it's been so easy for you to hold your breath," he surmised, "Jasper has been wondering how you manage it. It's difficult enough for us older vampires to go without our sense of smell, but your shield must help with that. Is your shield still up now?"
"I don't think so," I replied, reaching over to touch him, my hand easily pressing against his forearm, "I stopped concentrating on it so it stopped."
"If you're going to be able to use it effectively against human blood, we need to train you to keep it up even when you're not focused on it," he commented, "And we should see if you can shield against anything else. Can you keep out sounds, for example? It's obviously a physical shield as well as possibly mental, if that's how you're keeping me out."
"That all sounds very daunting," I said quietly, "What if I can't do anything more than keep out smells?"
"Then, that's still amazing," he said pulling me onto his lap, "It would mean we could be around humans much sooner than we expected. Travelling will be so much easier that way, especially if we have to venture overseas."
"Okay," I said, standing up from his lap as he followed, "Let's give it a try."
"Let's start with sounds," he began, "Think about how you focused on keeping out the scents, but instead focus on the sounds. Focus on my voice, the birds, the..." His voice cut off, along with all the sounds of the forest. I watched his mouth moving as he continued to speak, but it was eerily silent in my little bubble. It was even more disconcerting than not being able to smell.
"I can't hear anything now," I said, watching as Edward's mouth curved up into a smile. He lifted his hands and pointed to his ears in a strange gesture. I focused on the shield bubble around me and willed it to disappear.
"It worked," I explained.
"I know," he replied smirking, "I couldn't hear you either."
"Really?" I asked, "So, it's like a bubble surrounding me, keeping everything I want out, but also keeping it in too. Wow!"
A thought popped into my head, though I was sure it wouldn't work, but it was worth a try. This time rather than scents or sounds, I focused on sight. I didn't want to blind myself, but what if I could remove myself from sight and become invisible? If it worked like the others, keeping everything inside the bubble and not letting anything out, then it wouldn't be any use, to be invisible but unable to see anything, but it was worth a try.
"Bella?" Edward said, a confused, worried expression on his face for a few seconds before he realised what I must have done, "You're invisible? Wow!"
I breathed a sigh of relief as I looked around, thankfully I could still see around me, could see Edward sitting in front of me. I looked down at myself and while I could still see myself, there was a translucent haze to my skin and clothes.
We sat there for hours until the sky turned a beautiful orange colour with the setting sun. I practised lifting and lowering my shield until I was almost able to do it without thought. I was able to block smells and sounds as well as make myself invisible, doing each individually and together, though it was very disorientating inside my bubble without both sound and smell. I was even able to surround myself with my protective bubble without keeping out sounds, sights, or scents. Just having a thin bubble that kept me from touch.
Now that I knew my shield was there, I could feel the slight hum of the bubble around me when I had it enabled and, even when I had disabled it. If I concentrated hard, I could feel it protecting my mind. This intrigued me, but I hadn't mentioned that part to Edward. Ever since I had discovered it, I had wondered if it was possible to remove the shield from my mind. If it was possible to let Edward into my mind as he so desired. Not that I would want him to be able to read my mind all the time, but to let him in, even for a short time, would make him so happy and I wanted to be able to do it for him.
Eventually, we had migrated into the tent after our practising had turned more physical and we couldn't keep our hands off one another. As I lay beside Edward, thoroughly sated, I began wondering how I might possibly be able to practise lowering my mental shield without Edward realising what I was doing. I didn't want him to know anything about my attempts until I knew for certain it was possible.
I surrounded myself with my shield, wondering if it would keep Edward from hearing any stray thoughts, as I focused on the mental aspect of my shield. The mental part of my shield was harder to manoeuvre than my physical shield, not wanting to shift. I supposed it was part of my vampire self-protection instincts, always wanting to keep my mind protected. It made sense, but I kept at it focusing intently on the faint hum around my mind. I pushed and pushed at it but it wouldn't budge. Unfortunately, this wasn't going to be as easy as I'd hoped.
At that moment, Edward rolled over towards me and I lifted my shield quickly so he wouldn't realise I'd had it surrounding me. His arm lay across my still-bare waist, his fingers trailing small circles at my hip. My breath hitched as his fingers inched lower, all thoughts of shields fleeing from my mind.
"You're insatiable," I breathed, as his fingers reached the top of my mound of curls.
"I don't hear you complaining," he whispered, pressing his hardness into my side. And I wasn't. It didn't matter how often we had sex, I could never seem to get enough of him.
His finger ghosted over my curls, brushing gently over me and down onto my thigh. His hands tightened on my bare thigh and pulled my leg over the top of his own, spreading me open. The cool air caressed my overheated sex, still wet from our earlier activities. It felt good, but I wanted him. Needed him to touch me.
As if he had heard my internal plea, he dragged his fingers up my thigh and through my wetness, before slowly sliding a finger deep inside me. I moaned at the feeling of his finger pumping in and out of me but instantly needed more. I undulated my hips against his hand as he pressed his hardness into my back.
"Greedy," he murmured into my neck and he placed soft kisses there, "Tell me what you want."
"More," I breathed, not caring what that consisted of, I just knew I needed more.
He withdrew his finger nearly to the tip, only to add a second finger as he plunged back in. In and out he pumped his fingers, bringing me closer to the edge with each movement.
"More?" he asked.
"Please," I whimpered, ready for anything he would give me.
In one swift motion, he had flipped me around so he was nestled between my legs, but somehow his fingers stayed exactly where they were, continuing their ministrations. Then, his mouth joined them, sucking and nibbling and my release built up even more inside me.
Edward growled against me, giving himself over to his animalistic side, and the reverberations of the sound echoed right through my body, moving out from my core right to the tips of my fingers and toes. In and out his fingers moved, stretching and filling me, as he tasted and savoured. I couldn't stay still, grinding against his face as he sent me flying into the abyss.
~~~PS ILYF~~~
The next morning, I sat alone on a log outside our tent, practising at lowering my mental shield. I hadn't had any more time to attempt it, but Edward had left for a while and it had given me some time to practise without him around.
He had headed to the nearest town, which was about an hour's drive away, to collect some items with human scent for me to practise my shield and finally smell the scent without the risk to human life. It wouldn't be exactly like being around a living, breathing human, but it was the best we could do for the moment. If I was able to keep my shield around me, even while being distracted, we would be able to attempt travelling further afield.
With Edward away, I was able to focus solely on my mental shield without having to worry about him accidentally hearing snippets of my thoughts when I wasn't ready for him. My mental shield was still proving difficult to move and I hadn't had much luck so far.
"Ugghhh," I groaned aloud, releasing some of the frustration that was building up within me, "Listen to me, you stupid shield!" I knew it was crazy to talk to myself, or my shield, but I really wanted to give this to Edward, to show him my mind, and this was my best opportunity to perfect it while he wasn't around.
"Okay, calm down, Bella. Let's go back to basics," I told myself, taking a long, deep breath.
I focused instead on my physical shield. I surrounded myself with it, concentrating on exactly how it covered me, how I could feel the hum of electricity all around my body. I then lifted it off myself, concentrating again as it disappeared. Then I focused on my mental shield, trying to see how they were similar and how they were different.
My physical shield felt like a bubble surrounding me. When I wasn't using it, it was gone, almost as if it didn't exist. When I surrounded myself with it, it was like it came from within me, though not from one particular place, almost as if it just permeated out of my skin.
My mental shield was different though, and just then, I realised that it wasn't just one shield protecting me physically and mentally, but two completely different shields. Perhaps, I was going about it all wrong trying to treat them the same way. My mental shield had always been there, even when I was human if my mental silence to Edward was anything to go by. Maybe it wasn't a case of removing my shield, but just about letting Edward through.
As soon as that thought fluttered through my mind, I knew I was right. I had subconsciously allowed Jasper and Alice's gifts to permeate through my mental shield. I hadn't had to lift it out of the way for their gifts to work on me, but I had always wanted my thoughts to be my own, at least until now. If this was the case, maybe it wasn't so much about letting Edward into my head, but about pushing my own thoughts out so that he could hear them. That way I would be in control of what he heard rather than him just hearing everything that crosses my mind. I smiled to myself, wishing Edward would return soon so I could test out my theory.
~~~ PS ILYF~~~
It was a few hours later when Edward finally returned, racing towards me and pulling me up into a tight embrace. We hadn't been away from each other for this long since I'd become a vampire and we had both clearly missed each other. I assumed Edward had also been worrying about me being alone, in case any other humans had passed by.
"I'm fine," I said into his neck, "No human meals, I promise."
He pulled back slightly, looking down at me a little sheepishly, embarrassed that I had correctly determined where his mind had been.
"Sorry," he murmured, "It's not that I don't trust you..."
"It's just that I'm a newborn who has never scented human blood?" I finished for him, "It's fine. I get it. Once we get my shield completely under control, maybe you'll be able to stop worrying a little."
He huffed a small laugh, before taking my hand and leading me towards a log to sit down.
"Okay," he began, "I got some things for us to work with. I left them in the car so we could prepare. Before I go retrieve them, there's something I was thinking about while I was away." I looked up at him, his face now serious, and nodded at him to continue.
"I think we should hold off on telling anyone else about your shield, even the family," he said.
"What?" I exclaimed, confusion washing over me, "Why? We trust them."
"Of course we do," he said, "It's not them I'm worried about. You remember what I told you about Aro's gift."
"Yeah," I replied, "It's like yours, but he has to touch you."
"And he can hear every thought you've ever had," he elaborated, taking my hands in his, "At some point, if our plan to find Tanya and Irina works, we are going to have to meet with Aro. One touch of anyone in the family and he would know about your gift. Aro covets talented vampires. We know from Alice's vision that he would spare me and her purely for our gifts. If he finds out about yours, he'll want you too. I wouldn't be surprised if I found out he had been waiting for an excuse, any excuse, to come for our family and walk away with just me and Alice."
I looked down at our joined hands, contemplating everything he'd said, "Would he really want my gift that badly?"
"Vampire gifts can be honed over time," he explained, "I wasn't always able to hear so far away. At the beginning, I was only able to hear people within a few hundred yards, now when I focus I can hear up to a mile away, even a bit more for people I'm familiar with. Our cousin Kate, her electric shock started only in her fingertips, and now she can radiate it all over her body. Who knows what you might be able to do with your shield over time? Maybe you'd be able to surround others with it, protecting them as well as yourself. Aro would definitely be intrigued enough to want you."
I nodded slowly, a little nervous at the thought of being coveted by the Volturi.
"So, we keep it to ourselves for now," I said, "But won't Aro just touch you and find out that way?"
"That's why I won't be there," he said, "I think Alice and perhaps even Jasper should stay away too. Carlisle and Esme are the best ones to bring Tanya and Irina in if we find them. Carlisle has known Aro for a long time and, since neither of them is gifted, Aro won't try to recruit them."
"I would need to go too," I said quietly, knowing Edward wasn't going to like that and was most likely thinking of me staying with him. I closed my eyes, waiting for his temper to rise at the thought.
"I know," he said, his voice hard but surprisingly calm. I looked up at him in surprise. I could see the anger behind his eyes, but he had agreed with me. I had been ready for an argument, but despite the anger, I could see his resignation.
"As much as I hate the thought," he continued through gritted teeth, "I came to the same conclusion. You are involved in this whole situation. Aro will need to hear your side of the story, despite the confirmation he'll get from Tanya and Irina's minds. I suspect he'll only come looking for you if you don't go and then he'd also find me and find out about your gift. This way, Carlisle and Esme won't know about your gift and Aro won't be able to read your mind with your shield."
"Won't he realise something is up when he can't read my mind?" I asked.
"Maybe, but I don't think we have any other choice. You can try to avoid touching him if possible, but if he does, we just have to hope he doesn't read too much into it. By this stage, most vampire gifts have made themselves known, so if Carlisle and Esme think you don't have a gift, he may just think it's some sort of anomaly that he can't hear your mind."
"I suppose that's all we can really do," I admitted, "You're taking this much better than I thought, to be honest."
"Well," he began abashedly, "There may be a small section of forest a few miles down the road that would disagree."
His admission took me by surprise and I gawked at him for a moment before I burst into laughter.
"You're kidding, right?" I said when my laughter subsided.
"I wish I was," he mumbled, "I thought about this as I was driving back from the town, and at first I refused to even think of you going there at all, especially without me by your side, but I eventually came to the conclusion that it's our only option. When I realised that, I almost ripped the steering wheel out of the dash and I knew I needed to let off some steam before coming back, so I pulled over and destroyed some trees."
I pulled him into me, knowing just how hard this must be for him, to even contemplate allowing me to be in danger without him there to protect me. The old Edward wouldn't have even entertained the idea, whatever the reasoning behind it.
"Thank you," I whispered into his hair.
"What for?" he asked.
"For everything," I said, "For loving me. For meaning it when you said you'd change. For not trying to make this decision without me. For always protecting me, but knowing when there's something I need to do, for us, for the family. Thank you."