Still not receiving notifications even though I switched email servers. Makes me think it's them, the site and not me.

Four

Sibella slowly woke and rolling on her back, stretched, smiling as she remembered the previous night. Running her hands over herself, Sibella wondered how much pleasure Adam took in fondling her, and surprising herself, she suddenly thought of Esther and Morgan and their marriage. Did they still please each other? Delight in one another's bodies? Morgan had slept in the downstairs bedroom of their house; the stairs were too problematic with his crutch, he claimed. Sibella had always assumed they both slept downstairs but Esther had taken Noah upstairs for his nap. After about fifteen minutes, Sibella had followed to see if her child was yet asleep. Noah now drank from a cup but every so often, when the child was ill or overly tired as he had been that afternoon, he liked taking a bottle. Hearing Esther softly crooning an indistinct tune, Sibella knew which room. The door was open and Noah lay on his stomach while Esther gently rubbed his back the same way Adam often did to soothe his fussy child. But one thing Sibella noted was that the room was obviously a woman's with a ruffle-edged coverlet, frilly curtains and the vanity top held a silver brush and comb set, perfume bottles along with jars of creams, pomades and a dish of hair pins and decorative combs. It was Esther's room, Sibella was sure. She had backed away and gone downstairs, pondering how the Morgans always appeared so much in love but slept separately. But then, Sibella considered, perhaps she was too young and inexperienced to understand the difference between passionate, fiery desire and the enduring love that kept people married and dedicated to one another for years, for better or worse.

And what would it be like, Sibella wondered, if she and Adam slept in separate rooms. If might be exciting if he would tell her in the morning to prepare herself in a specific way or manner because he was going to take what was his that night. A thrill ran through her and Sibella closed her eyes to easier imagine herself Adam's concubine or mistress who was so ecstatic whenever he deigned to spend a few hours with her, using her to fulfill his lust and she, submitting to all his desires. But mistresses and concubines were tossed aside when they went to fat or became boring. No, marriage was better and she needed to go downstairs. A long, deep sigh escaped her. Looking at the mantle clock, Sibella realized she had slept until almost 9:00; too late to go to church although she was sure something she and Adam had done must be a sin and she probably needed forgiveness. And breakfast? Had Noah been fed? Mrs. George didn't work Sundays although she always left a covered plate of sliced beef or ham in the unheated oven and a loaf of sourdough or soda bread. Working on Sunday which included cooking, was considered a sin; they were to keep the Sabbath holy and rest on the 7th day as God had. So, the three of them usually went to the Ponderosa for Sunday dinner. Hop Sing had no religious prohibitions from cooking enough fried chicken that a small mountain of denuded bones ended up on everyone's plates.

Sibella slipped on the Chinese silk wrap that flowed over her like water, slipped her feet into backless slippers and went downstairs; Adam and Noah were in the kitchen eating a breakfast of buttered bread and ham, Noah picking up the small pieces of meat with his fingers and either offering them to Adam or eating them himself. When Adam would take one, he made exaggerated gobbling noises and Noah would laugh with delight.

"Well, so this is where my men are," Sibella said, smiling.

~ 0 ~

Sibella held Noah who was chattering about horses and "Gampa" while Adam reached up to the shelf over the hall tree for his gun, having already strapped on his shoulder holster. He preferred to wear his holster high and reversed as he had in the military, finding it easier and more efficient to shoot that way. After the war, while adjusting to his new life as an amputee, Morgan had created a hand-tooled one for Adam who cherished it and that morning, before he put in on, he had moved his fingers over the burnished vines and leaf motif.

"You sure you won't ride over with us?" Adam asked Sibella, while he shrugged on his vest. "I'll wait for you to dress."

"No, you two go ahead. I need a bath. Besides I need to ride Delilah for a bit before I head to the Ponderosa. It's been a few days and Moss said she's getting restless, been cribbing her stall."

"Just like a woman—not ridden enough and she starts making trouble," Adam grinned as he took Noah from her arms and leaned in to say, "That's why I keep my women on their backs—no way for them to stir up matters."

"Don't say such things around our child." Sibella chastised as she ran her fingers through her son's black curls. "I thought I'd ride over to see to see Esther before I go to the house. This is the first day she's been alone."

"Why, Sibella, that's thoughtful. But she might be in church. It's only a short walk for her. And actually, if you hurry, you might make it to church in time to confess your lustful ways, wench." Adam grinned.

"I might have to give you up as part of my penance and right now, it'd be an easy thing to do!"

But Adam only laughed and leaned down to kiss her, "See you later-and be careful." Sibella stood on the porch. Either Moss or Chauncey had harnessed the buggy horse that patiently waited. Adam was taking their two-seater; it was light and rode smoother and easier than the heavier four-seater and held Noah more safely that the larger one; it was the one Sibella took to town. "Wave goodbye, Noah!" Adam said, and Sibella watched, waving, as the two left on their way to the Ponderosa, Noah shouting out, "Bye, momma! Bye!" while opening and closing his small hand.

Sibella took great care with dressing for her morning ride. After all, she wanted to look pretty when she saw Esther but didn't want it to be obvious that she was prettier. In Sibella's opinion, Esther wasn't particularly attractive but then she was as old as Adam and Sibella wondered if she too would lose her looks after another few years. But Sibella noticed as she fixed her hair in a chignon, that she was still glowing from the previous night. Sibella decided if Esther remarked on her complexion, she would look down as if she had a secret to keep because, well, she did. She could never tell what actually happened between her and Adam or she wouldn't be allowed in polite company.

Finally, she pushed a cameo stick pin through her shirt's high collar and stepped back to look at her riding habit. She smoothed the split skirt and pulled down the vest. She paused, wondering if she should wear a hat, then considering the sun, went to the wardrobe and standing on tip toe, managed to pull down the hatbox for her small bowler. It fell on the floor, the top coming off and Sibella tossed the box on the unmade bed and adjusted her hat. Now she looked fit to ride. And fit to visit Esther Graham.

~ 0 ~

"Why, Sibella, what a lovely surprise. Come in." Esther stepped aside and Sibella stepped into the small parlor; the house and this room in particular depressed her and it wasn't just because a black wreath still hung on the door and black crepe adorned the newel posts. "You rode over by yourself?"

Sibella smiled, disguising her sudden regret at coming over. "I'm going to the Ponderosa after exercising Delilah. Adam took Noah over this morning. I sinfully overslept. And on such a beautiful day. 'This is the day which our Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.' So, anyway, I decided since Delilah…" Sibella noticed Esther's puzzlement. "My horse. Delilah."

"Oh," Esther remarked. "How nice for you. I never learned to ride. People just assume everyone out west rides but to be honest, the animals terrify me. Every time I have to hitch up our buggy, I'm sure Polly is just waiting to take a nip out of me. When she turns her head to see what I'm doing, I jump!"

"Yes, well, horses can be nasty, I suppose. But I learned to ride in school—sidesaddle, of course. I much prefer riding this way…but, that's not why I came." Sibella felt awkward. As much time as she had spent in Esther's company for the sake of Adam and Morgan, she really had nothing to say to her.

"I have a pot of coffee on. How about we have a cup? You can surely stay a few minutes. You know, it's nice to be remembered after the funeral."

What Adam had said about her being the first one murdered if Esther wanted all Sibella had, flashed in her mind. What if Esther poisoned her? But then, Sibella told herself, now, in the light of day, her accusations against Esther seemed downright ridiculous. Adam once told her she had a wild imagination but as long as she kept it confined to the bedroom, he had no problem. "I'd love to." Sibella smiled and slipping her arm through Esther's, they stepped into the small kitchen.

~ 0 ~

Sibella pushed Delilah into a canter; the ground was too uneven for a gallop. Besides, Delilah needed to be put through her paces and had trotted for at least three miles, every so often Sibella moving her in figure 8's. But now, Sibella went over that morning with Esther and how odd it had seemed. Or maybe, as Adam often remarked, she was too judgmental. But Esther had talked about the chair Morgan had died in and said when Adam had come over, after Sheriff Coffee looked at the evidence Morgan had left and the body had been removed, Adam had single-handedly moved the large chair out of the house and into the backyard, suggesting she later burn it. Adam wasn't disgusted by the mess in the chair, said he was used to death mixed with excrement; in the prison camp, the two were bound together.

"I'm sure Adam told you about his time in Andersonville, his and Morgan's. He saved Morgan's life, but you know that. He was being destroyed by gangrene; Morgan said its poison was creeping up and below his wound. If Adam hadn't been an officer and demanded that Morgan be treated, my husband would have died from it."

"No, Adam doesn't care to talk about such things. At least not with me." Sibella turned the coffee cup about on the saucer. "He said he doesn't like to remember; it was another world, another lifetime and he prefers this one with me and Noah."

"Of course. I can understand that. But there was so much Morgan told me. We owed Adam everything and Morgan could never repay him but Adam said Morgan's friendship and seeing him home with me, that was repayment enough." Esther had a vacant stare as she continued. "Morgan told me about the raiders, Union soldiers who stole from other prisoners, and the regulators who upheld justice in the camp, the stink and disease, dysentery and then the dead line and the tunnels; I don't know how they survived that place"

Esther seemed to suddenly remember Sibella was there. "Oh…I'm sorry, Sibella. I rambled on a bit there. Can I offer you a slice of cake?" Sibella declined; hearing about disease and death took away any appetite. "You sure you won't have any? It's Nora Downey's prizewinning applesauce cake. There is too much food left, everyone was so generous, and if I had hogs, I'd feed all the leftovers to them. And when you came, I was going to throw out the flowers. I don't want to watch flowers wilt and die and the roses—they always begin to smell like musky dirt, don't they?" Esther rubbed her forehead and seeing her weary and sad brought out the magnanimity in Sibella; the Cartwrights had a certain noblesse oblige due to their status and Sibella would wield it.

"Esther, why don't you come to the Ponderosa for Sunday dinner? I know they would all love to have you and the more people, the happier Hop Sing is. He'll serve up an additional fried chicken just so you can take home leftovers for breakfast."

"Oh…leftovers.." Esther paused, weighing the invitation. "If you're sure, Sibella. I don't want to intrude."

"I'm sure," Sibella said, "that is if you can manage to hitch up that evil horse of yours." The two women laughed and Esther thanked Sibella and said she would love to join them. She had to clean up a bit first since she had been too weary after the funeral, but she would be there.

At the door, Esther took Sibella's hand before she put slipped on her riding gloves. "Thank you for being so kind. And Morgan was right—I never really noticed but he once said you had the most beautiful blue eyes he'd ever seen. It made me slightly jealous."

Sibella had stood open-mouthed, not knowing how to respond. Esther had blue eyes but they were a pale blue with blonde lashes. But she was a handsome woman and intelligent, well-spoken, just the type of woman Adam should have married. "Thank you, Esther, for telling me." And Sibella wondered if Esther was, by complimenting her, hoping she would respond by revealing some kind or flattering remark Adam had said about her. Didn't all women think that way, Sibella wondered?

Sibella rode away feeling kind and good and generous-for a short time. But the more she considered, the more she regretted inviting Esther Graham back into her family and perhaps usurping her child's love and maybe even Adam's. And so, she rode across the Ponderosa, and the more she rode and thought, the more upset she became. And she had no one but herself to blame.

The day was hot and Delilah's flanks were wet, her neck as well. Sibella pulled her horse to a walk and in the distance was one of the smaller lakes on the property, the property that belonged to her husband's family and by marriage, hers. And with sweat rolling down her temples, Sibella wanted to cool down in the water, its anticipated relief seducing her. She could swim and work out all her frustration before she went to the Ponderosa, only about four more miles away. And Delilah could cool off as well.

"Let's go swimming, girl." Sibella patted Deliah's neck and then dismounted. She loosened the cinch of the English saddle and Deliah, knowing she could rest, stepped to the water and took a drink while Sibella quickly undressed, sitting her hat, riding boots and folded clothes at the base of a live oak whose branches spread out over part of the water. Standing in her chemise and knee-length drawers, Sibella considered wearing them into the water but then she would have to put her dry clothes on over them and her crotch would stay wet and uncomfortable all day. She looked about to make sure she was alone. She was and quickly stripping off her undergarments, stepped into the water giving a little cry of surprise at the coldness. But Adam once had told her to dive right in; the body accustoms itself to anything. Suddenly, his words took on new meaning as she thought of Morgan Graham. Had his body ever accustomed itself to the loss of his leg? Apparently not or he wouldn't have left it.

Soon, Sibella was leisurely swimming, something she had also learned at boarding school, but the students had to wear ridiculous swimming costumes and she much preferred having nothing interfere with her movements. Finally, she luxuriated in the water and its buoyancy as she floated on her back, eyes closed, her hearing partially blocked by the water. But like a crack of thunder on a calm day, a man's laughing voice broke the air. "Who knew there were mermaids this far from the ocean?"