A/N: I hope you enjoy! Is anyone still reading this? Questions, questions..
The amber liquid burned a path down her throat, but Abbey Bartlet couldn't have cared less, emptying the glass in mere seconds, and as she took a deep breath to expel the taste from her mouth, she closed her eyes slowly. Already, she could feel that faint lightheadedness that told her she was close to the buzz she'd been seeking, and she smiled as she poured another drink. She could feel Heathcliff watching her from his position at her feet, but paid him little attention, her only goal drowning out the voice in the back of her mind that had been tormenting her all day.
Ignoring the shaking in her hands that never seemed to leave her now, Abbey tossed back the last of the scotch in her glass, slowly making her way into the living room, thankful that Jed wouldn't be home any time soon. The last thing she needed was for him to worry unnecessarily. Still, she glanced around the room, feeling as though she were doing something horribly wrong, and she shook her head, reprimanding herself for being so ridiculous.
"Come on, Abbey. Don't be stupid."
No matter how long she sat there, trying to focus on other things, she could still hear that voice in the back of her mind telling her that she was a failure, that she had no reason to keep trying, and she sighed as she stood again. She made her way back into the kitchen, picking up the bottle of scotch again, and as she took a long drink, she laughed quietly, though she had no idea of what was so funny.
"You can do this," she whispered.
Again, she heard the voice in her head telling her she was wrong, and as she tried to ignore it, she realized that it was her own.
When Jed walked through the front door that evening with Neil in tow, he frowned as he realized Abbey was nowhere to be found. Heathcliff ran to greet them, his tail wagging excitedly, and Jed glanced around the room curiously. Before he had time to truly question Abbey's absence, she walked through the kitchen doorway, her eyes lighting up when they landed on the two of them.
"Jed! Neil! How was class? Did anything interesting happen? What about the lessons themselves? What were they like?"
Jed laughed, not yet realizing why she was more outgoing that she had been previous evenings, but when she kissed him harder than she would have normally done with company present, he immediately knew something was off, though he said nothing. Neil, however, responded to her every question, and as they walked farther into the living room, he was suddenly struck with a familiar taste. He knew, without a doubt, why she was in such a positive mood, and when she sat down on the couch next to him, she tipped over into his lap, her head resting on his thighs.
"Abbey, are you drunk?"
"Un petit peu," she said with a laugh, reaching for his hand, "Neil, since you and I seem to be the only two people here who appreciate classic literature such as Wuthering Heights, have you read Jane Eyre?"
Neil nodded, smiling at her attention.
"I've read just about every classic author. Bronte, Shelley, Dickens, Hemingway. You name it, I've probably read it."
The mention of Hemingway caught Abbey's attention and she sat up suddenly, looking at him seriously.
"Stay here. I have something to show you."
She disappeared down the hallway, Heathcliff at her heels, and Jed glanced at Neil, rolling his eyes jokingly.
"Told you she never shuts up when she's drunk."
"She's only a little bit drunk, Jed," Neil reminded him, quoting her earlier response.
"True," Jed agreed, "but she doesn't drink often, so this has me intensely curious."
Abbey chose that moment to return, carefully handing Neil the copy of the book she'd given Jed nearly five years ago for his birthday, smiling when his eyes lit up at the beautifully restored text in his hands.
"This is incredible. Abbey, where did you get this?"
"Found it in a shop about five years ago. It's one of Jed's favourite books, so I gave it to him for his birthday. That was right after we started dating."
Neil handed it back to her and she placed it on the table in front of her, taking up her former position on Jed's legs, smiling when she felt his fingers in her hair.
"So, can I ask what led to your spontaneous drinking today? You aren't typically one to drink in the day unless you're with Jeremy."
"Just decided to take a page out of his book," Abbey said, her eyes closed, "It makes getting through the day easier. Surely you wouldn't begrudge me that."
Jed frowned.
"You're having trouble getting through the day?"
"Well, you have to admit, it is pretty excruciating."
"What is?" he asked, now thankful for the alcohol that had made her so willing to talk.
"Existing," she said as though it were obvious, "It's easier this way, when I can make everything in my head quiet and I don't have to pretend that it's not killing me."
"And what are you running from, Abigail?" he asked, almost afraid of her answer.
"The pain," she whispered, "Knowing that our baby is dead and their soul is in hell for all eternity and feeling like I'm a worthless failure."
Just as Jed opened his mouth to tell her that she was wrong, she sat up suddenly, a smile on her face as she kissed his cheek, and he had never been more confused.
"But, it's okay now. I don't hear that little voice in the back of my mind right now and you're here, so I don't have any reason to feel upset."
Jed exchanged a look with Neil, both feeling a little worried, and when Abbey laid her head on his shoulder, Jed reached for her hand slowly.
"I love you," she said softly.
"I love you too," Jed replied, kissing her hand lightly.
Though he would never admit as much, Jed couldn't wait for Neil to leave. He desperately needed to talk to his wife, preferably before the alcohol had left her system. It always made her more forthcoming with information and with the way Jed felt as though he'd just been given a test with no correct answers, he was in dire need of information.
Locking the door behind Neil, Jed wasted no time in walking back to where Abbey was still sitting on the couch, and as he sat down next to her, he met her eyes seriously, noting that they were slightly unfocused.
"Abbey, you mentioned earlier that you felt like a worthless failure. What did you mean by that?"
"I would have thought it was obvious, Jed," she replied with a bitter laugh, "I spend every day in this apartment doing nothing but try not to lose my mind. I take care of Heathcliff, but that's not really difficult, and then for the rest of the day, I have to listen to this voice in the back of my mind that tells me that nothing I do matters. Is the world going to fall apart if I suddenly weren't here? I very highly doubt it. As for being a failure, well...do I need to spell it out for you? Surely someone as smart as you can figure that one out."
"Abbey, that's not true. The world might not fall apart, but my world would. Would you really want me to live in a world where you aren't there to tell me that I'm being stupid? You keep me from making an even bigger ass of myself than I already do. That's not a world I want to exist in."
Abbey was silent as she pondered his words, and when he stood again, Jed held out his hand, looking at her expectantly. She took it slowly, falling into his arms when he pulled her to her feet, having underestimated her own intoxication, and laughed. Lifting her easily, Jed walked down the hall, carefully placing her on the bed, and when he leaned down to kiss her, he smiled softly.
"Get some sleep."
Her fingers closed around his wrist as he began to walk away, effectively halting his steps, and he turned to face her, his expression confused.
"Abbey—"
"Stay with me," she whispered, "Please?"
Jed nodded, walking around to his side of the bed, and when he pulled her into his arms, Abbey smiled, tucking her head under his chin. She took a deep breath, her nose buried in his shirt, and Jed frowned, more than a little confused.
"Did you just smell my shirt?" he asked.
"Yeah," Abbey replied, her voice slightly muffled by his chest.
"Why?"
Abbey shrugged, closing her eyes as she spoke, her voice soft.
"You smell like home," she answered simply, "No matter where I am, the scent of your cologne will always make me feel like I'm safe and it just smells like home. Does that make sense, or am I just drunk?"
Jed laughed, kissing her hair.
"Both, baby. Definitely both."
He didn't know what had led to her spur of the moment shirt smelling, but he realized, as he held her in his arms, that he knew exactly what she meant. To him, the scent of her vanilla perfume would always remind him of home, and as he noticed that she'd fallen asleep, he smiled, kissing her hair again.
Yes, he thought as he breathed in her perfume again, she definitely was home to him.
The ringing of the phone startled Abbey early one evening, making her jump before she went into the kitchen to answer it, and as she tried to ignore the rush of blood in her ears, she hoped her voice sounded steadier than she felt.
"Hello?"
"Hey, doc! Long time, no talk! How's life across the pond?"
Abbey smiled, feeling an intense relief at the sound of Jeremy's voice, though she couldn't have explained why even if her life had depended on it.
"Hey, Jeremy. Things are okay here. What about you? How's Sara? How long until you become a father?"
"About two months," came his answer, "and Sara's good, other than trying to drive me insane when we go apartment hunting. I think we finally found one, provided she doesn't find some imaginary flaw again. But I didn't call to talk about that. I want to know how you're doing. Last time I spoke to Jed, things were pretty bad on your end. How are you, doc?"
"I'm doing a lot better now," she lied, reaching for the glass of scotch she'd set on the counter earlier in the day, "It was bad for a long time, but I think we're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. In any case, I've left the bedroom, so that's a marked improvement."
Jeremy was silent for a moment, and when he finally spoke again, his voice was more somber than she'd ever heard it.
"I mean it, Abbey. I don't want to get a phone call from Jed one morning because something happened to you. If you ever need to talk, especially to someone who isn't your husband, you have my number."
"Getting sentimental as fatherhood approaches?" she asked with a laugh, "Jeremy, I appreciate it, but I'll be fine. I have a psychiatrist that I've been seeing since before I even became pregnant, and she's been a great help. Things are slowly getting back to whatever passes for normal around here."
She smiled as he laughed, and when she felt a pair of hands wrap around her from behind, she swore loudly, nearly dropping the phone in shock. Jed burst into laughter as she tried to control the racing of her heart and when she had finally steadied herself on the counter, she spoke into the phone, her voice shaking slightly.
"Sorry, Jeremy. My jackass husband just scared the hell out of me. Would you like to talk to him?"
After listening to his answer, Abbey handed Jed the phone, smacking his arm lightly as she passed him. Picking up the bottle of scotch on the table, she quickly poured herself another drink, unaware of Jed's eyes following her every movement. She downed it quickly, placing the glass into the sink, and as Jed continued to talk to Jeremy, she closed her eyes slowly. It was several moments before her breathing returned to normal, and when Jed hung up the phone, she glared at him.
"Are you trying to give me a heart attack? That wasn't funny, Jed."
"I'm sorry," he said sincerely, "I didn't mean to scare you. I thought you heard the front door open."
"I was on the phone, I wasn't paying attention. You're not usually home this early anyway, so what's going on? Shouldn't you be studying with Neil?"
Jed shook his head, offering her an apologetic smile.
"He had a funeral back home and flew out last night. I really am sorry, baby."
"It's okay. Just don't do it again. Do you think you can manage that?"
Laughing, Jed kissed her cheek, nodding once. The look in Abbey's eyes told him that all had been forgiven, and when he kissed her, he pretended not to notice the taste of alcohol on her tongue.
"Jeremy seemed to be under the impression that I was one bad day away from killing myself," Abbey said almost casually later that evening, "Any idea on why he would think the situation is so dire?"
"Because it was dire the last time I spoke to him," Jed answered, glancing at her over the paper he was writing, "I don't think you realize just how badly you scared me those first few months, babe. You weren't eating, you wouldn't speak to me, you could hardly take care of Heathcliff, let alone yourself. I was so scared I was going to lose you and I don't know if you know this, but I can't do this without you. For all my intelligence and arrogance, I need you more than I've ever needed anyone. You keep me grounded and kick my ass when I need it, and you support me more than anyone else. I'd be lost without you."
"You're damn right I believe in you. And let's face it Jed, sometimes you need your ass kicked by someone smarter than you."
"Good thing I found her and married her, then," he answered with a smile.
"You really will try anything to get laid, won't you?" she laughed.
"Only with you, babe."
They sat in silence for a moment and when Abbey walked into the kitchen to get another drink, Jed frowned, watching her with a slightly worried expression in his eyes. He waited until she had swallowed a bit of the liquid to move closer, reaching for the glass in her hand, and when he drained it quickly, she rolled her eyes in annoyance.
"Too good to go get your own drink?"
"No," he lied, "It just tastes better when it's touched your lips."
She sighed, preparing to go get another when he reached out to take the glass again, placing it slowly on the coffee table, his eyes serious.
"Abbey, I'm worried about you."
"What? Jed, I'm fine. There's nothing to worry about."
"Uh-huh," he said disbelievingly, "How many of those have you had today?"
"Not counting the one you just stole, three. Why?"
"And how many yesterday? I don't want you to take this as me accusing you, but you've had at least two drinks every night for the last two weeks. That's not like you, so I'm just a little concerned. I don't want to risk you becoming addicted to this and unable to find your way out."
Abbey sighed, raising emerald eyes to sapphire blue, shaking her head slowly.
"It helps. Every day, I have this voice in the back of my mind telling me that my life is amounting to nothing, that I'm just a messed up failure and I-I'm so scared of believing it that I have to make it stop. This is the only way I know how."
"You know that's not true, though...don't you? You're going to be one of the most amazing doctors in the world, Abbey. Maybe not right now, but one day, I'm going to stand in a crowd somewhere and watch my brilliant wife give an incredible speech that everyone in the medical community is envious of."
"Jed, that's crazy."
"Is it? Baby, you're the smartest person I've ever known and I am so proud of everything you do every single day. So what if it's a little mundane right now? You handle it with grace and make it look effortless, even when I know damn well it isn't. I've seen you after giving Heathcliff a bath. It can't be easy."
"Jed, I just—there are days when all I can do is remind myself to keep breathing. How am I going to be a doctor if I can barely get through one simple day here?"
"Have you ever thought that the reason you're struggling is because it's mundane right now? You're so used to the fast pace of college, of constantly trying to increase your knowledge that being home all day can seem unbearable. I know it's been hard on you and I know it's also my fault, but just bear with it. Just until I graduate and then you can go back to school and enthrall everyone at Harvard with your brilliance."
He paused, reaching for her hand, kissing it lightly.
"As for the drinking, take a break. Just for a few days. Please. I'm not saying you can't do it, but it would make me feel a lot less worried if you'd cut back."
Abbey nodded, looking at him seriously.
"I'm not an alcoholic, Jed."
He shook his head.
"I never said you were. But it's a dangerous slope, so it's best to be cautious."
"I know," she said softly, "I think I just needed to hear it out loud."
"As for being messed up, everyone in the world is messed up, it's only the way they're messed up that varies. So maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't be so hard on yourself," Jed told her quietly.
Abbey sighed, shaking her head slowly.
"As much as I hate to admit it, you might be right."
Jed smiled.
"I often am, and yet you still hate admitting it."
Abbey sighed as she scanned the large medical textbook in front of her, unable to make the words register in her mind, trying to pretend that she'd forgotten about the bottle of scotch under the kitchen sink, and when Heathcliff jumped into her lap, she gave him a look that made him shrink away from her, his eyes sad.
"Down," she said sternly, "You know better than to jump up here when I'm reading."
She immediately regretted her words, knowing she hadn't been paying attention to the book anyway, but Heathcliff had already walked to the other side of the room, nudging his ball across the floor with his nose, intent on entertaining himself it seemed. She sighed, running her hand through her hair, crossing and uncrossing her legs multiple times, and when she put her head in her hands, she tried to ignore the shaking in her fingers.
"Come on, Abbey. You can do this."
See, Abbey? You really are a failure. You can't even go one day without losing your mind.
She shook her head, trying to clear it, but still the thoughts persisted, and she was horrified to realize once again, as the thoughts spun around her head, that the voice sounded remarkably like her own.
God, this day was going to be a nightmare...
The moment he walked in the door, Jed was nearly knocked off his feet by the sight of his wife sitting on the couch, clad in a satin bathrobe, her legs elegantly crossed over each other, and when he closed the door, he merely stared at her, unable to make his vocal cords function.
"Something wrong?" Abbey asked innocently, her eyes flickering up to meet his.
Jed shook his head, still at a loss for words, and when Abbey stood from her place on the couch, a flash of her thigh was enough to confirm that she was naked beneath the robe, making it suddenly more difficult for him to breathe. She ran her hands slowly over his chest as soon as she was close enough to touch him, causing him to shiver, and as she kissed him, he found himself at a loss of what to do with his own hands. He eventually settled for placing them on her waist, still more than a little confused as she pulled his shirt free from his waistband.
"Abbey, what—"
"Shh. Don't spoil the moment," she murmured, kissing him again.
It dimly occurred to him that she could have been drunk, but he tasted no hint of alcohol on her tongue, and as she pulled him farther into the room, she began unbuttoning his shirt, her fingers deftly moving down his body. He couldn't help but feel like something was wrong, however, and when he tore his mouth away from hers, she looked at him in confusion.
"What's wrong?"
"I was just about to ask you the same question. You're not typically this aggressive unless you're drunk or something is bothering you."
Abbey rolled her eyes.
"So something has to be wrong for me to want to have sex with my husband? That's news to me."
"I didn't say that," he tried again, "I'm just making sure that I wouldn't be taking part in something that could be potentially harmful. If you say nothing is wrong, then I'm inclined to believe you, but I want to be sure before we take this any farther."
"Jed?"
"Yeah?"
"You ruined the moment," she sighed, "I specifically told you not to do that."
"I'm sorry," he said sincerely, "Could we try again?"
"Maybe later," she replied, "Right now, I guess I-"
He pulled her closer, his lips silencing what she'd been going to say, and when he pulled away moments later, he was proud to see that her eyes were slightly dazed. She pulled him to her with fingers tangled in his shirt, and as she pushed it from his shoulders, she smiled, letting her breath wash over his ear warmly.
"I think you salvaged the moment."
Turning her so that her body was now closer to the door, Jed kissed her again, not stopping until he felt her collide with the wood, and when he had her pinned between the door and his body, he smiled, his fingers finding the tie on the bathrobe easily.
"You're a bit overdressed," he remarked lightly.
"Am I?" she asked breathlessly.
He nodded, kissing her again as she tossed his belt aside, laughing quietly when she pulled out a condom from the pocket of her bathrobe moments before he let it fall to the floor. She made quick work of his clothing, paying it no attention as it was scattered around them, and when he lifted her into his arms, he was immensely grateful for the door behind her. Bracing herself against it, Abbey's head fell back as he slowly slid his fingers into her, his name falling from her lips on a whisper of air.
Knowing how much she loved watching him do it, Jed tore open the condom with his teeth, and as Abbey ran her tongue along the shell of his ear, he shivered, looking away from her only long enough to put the condom in its proper place, his left hand and knees supporting her weight. He moved to touch her again, his fingers seeking the one place that always seemed to make her come undone the fastest, and when he knew she was ready, he carefully entered her, his hands now gripping her waist to keep her from falling.
Each movement of his hips made her breath catch in her throat and as she tightened her grip on his shoulder, Abbey fought to draw in enough air to speak, her voice ragged and low in his ear.
"Right—oh, fuck, Jed—right there."
He kissed her hard, biting down on her bottom lip with more force than he'd intended, and though he felt the metallic taste of blood in his mouth a moment later, Abbey either hadn't noticed or didn't mind. She moaned into his mouth as he kissed her again, careful not to draw blood, and when her head fell back onto the door with a thud, he looked at her worriedly.
"Are you okay?"
She nodded.
"I'm fine, Jed. Don't stop."
He couldn't deny that there was something strangely erotic about seeing the faint trace of blood on her bottom lip, and when she kissed him again, the taste returned to his mouth, a tangy reminder of exactly what they were doing. It didn't take long for Abbey to fall over the edge, a soft scream tearing from her throat as she gripped his shoulder tightly, and when he joined her moments later, he lowered her to the ground, his hand shaking as he reached out to touch her still-bleeding lip.
"Are you sure you're okay? I didn't mean to—"
"I'm fine," she assured him with a smile, "If anything, it just made the experience that much more memorable. Not that we have any trouble in that department. It's always memorable."
"I do seem to recall you saying once that being pinned to a door was sexy," he said with a laugh.
"Only if it's you or me doing the pinning. Anyone else and it would be a terrifying nightmare."
Jed frowned as he walked around the room picking up his scattered clothing.
"Speaking from experience?" he asked, hoping his tone was light.
Abbey shook her head.
"Not exactly, but I do have experience in being trapped with someone who is making unwanted sexual advances, remember?"
Jed nodded, looking at her seriously. It wasn't often that she mentioned Howson, and he wondered if there was a reason for her doing so now.
"Abbey, are you sure nothing is bothering you? I'm not saying that I would ever dislike having sex with you, but I just want to make sure you're okay."
She sighed, tightening the belt on her bathrobe, sitting down slowly on the couch, nodding at the space next to her.
"Jed, it's been five years since that entire situation happened. Five years exactly. I remember the precise date, mainly because it was such a major shift in my life, but that isn't the point. The point is, it's been five years and it still affects me. Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night and think that he's going to come after me again. Do you have any idea how terrifying that is? I know he's dead, but it still haunts me. He still haunts me, no matter how much I wish I could just forget about it."
At last, Jed understood, and he reached for her hand, running his thumb lightly over her skin.
"So today was just a way for you to take control and not feel so scared," he said gently.
It wasn't a question, but she nodded anyway, her voice soft as she spoke.
"I'm sorry, Jed. I shouldn't have used you like that. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair to you."
"Speaking as the wronged party here, I didn't mind. I'm happy to help you in any way I can, baby. Whether that's by sitting here and talking, or even just listening, or if it's by having sex up against a door."
"Which you love," she said with a laugh.
"True," he agreed, "but my knees definitely don't. They're going to be screaming at me for days."
"Josiah Bartlet, did you just insinuate that I'm fat?" she asked in mock offense.
"I did no such thing, and it's immaterial to me whether you weigh a hundred pounds or two hundred, you would still be the most gorgeous woman in the world."
"Nice save," Abbey replied, rolling her eyes jokingly.
"Abigail, if you haven't figured out by now that I have always thought you're the most stunning woman to walk the earth, then you might seriously want to reconsider your medical career, because you'd have to be stupid. Which, by the way, you are not."
Abbey smiled, laughing quietly.
"Have I mentioned lately that I love you?"
As soon as Jed heard the sound of Abbey singing in the apartment, he smiled, glancing down at Heathcliff as he made his way into the kitchen. It wasn't often that he got to see his wife so happy and carefree, mostly due to the fact that he was so rarely away from the university, and he leaned against the door frame as she wiped the counter clean, a smile on her face as she moved. He knew he couldn't avoid being seen by her forever, but he was certainly going to take the opportunity to watch her while he could, and when her eyes finally landed on him, she laughed, rolling her eyes in amusement.
"Jed, how long have you been standing there?"
"Somewhere around the second verse," he replied, walking closer, "I love hearing you sing. You should do it more often."
She smiled, laughing when he kissed her cheek.
"I'm sure Heathcliff would disagree. He's probably sick of my singing after a full day of it."
"Nah," Jed said lightly, wrapping his arms around her waist, "He loves you and I'm sure he's just happy you're happy."
He paused, looking at her seriously.
"You are happy, aren't you?"
Abbey nodded, kissing him slowly.
"I'm happier now than I have been in months," she said quietly, "and I don't think I could have gotten to that point without you."
Jed shook his head, his eyes finding hers at once.
"You don't need me to be happy, babe. You were happy before me. Weren't you?"
"Yes, but it would feel like a major part of me had been ripped away if anything happened to you. Let's not tempt fate by even speaking about it. You're here, I'm here, and that's all that matters. Everything else can wait."
Glancing out the window, Abbey smiled at the sight of the sun, and she reached for his hand slowly.
"Jed, will you go on a walk with me?"
"Sure. Where to?"
"Doesn't matter. I just want to take advantage of the sun while it lasts."
He had to admit, her logic was flawless.
As they walked along the edge of the road, Jed, reached for Abbey, wrapping his arm lightly around her waist, and she smiled, letting her head fall on his shoulder.
"Jed?"
"Hm?"
"You do know how much I love you, right? It's not just something I say out of habit of marital obligation."
He frowned, unsure of what had sparked this particular topic, but nodded anyway.
"Of course I do. Why?"
"I just...we've both been so busy with different things. You with school and work, me with trying to stay marginally sane and Heathcliff, I just wanted to make sure you knew. I still love you just as much as I did that first day at the library when you smiled at me the first time. I think that's when I knew. I didn't have a name for it, but I knew I would never forget you and that I needed to be part of your life in any way possible. Does that sound crazy?"
"If it does, then I'm just as crazy as you are. Abbey, I meant it when I said I fell in love with you the first time I saw you. I couldn't stop thinking about you and I was determined to know you in any way I could. It was part of the reason I even went to that party. Mostly to shut Jeremy up, but some part of me was hoping you would be there. And you were, with Ron's lighter that changed everything."
Abbey frowned.
"Ron's lighter?"
"Yeah," he said as though it were obvious, "As soon as I saw your eyes in that flame, I was done for. I never stood a chance."
Laughing, Abbey stopped walking, pausing just long enough to kiss him, and when they resumed their steps, she looked at him seriously.
"I didn't stand a chance from the moment I told you about Howson. You sat there and actually listened to what I was saying and...do you know how special that was to me? Ron was nice, but he never really listened when I wanted to talk about serious subjects. I could have never told him about Howson, but I knew, somehow, that I could trust you. Then, you held my hand and I swear, it felt like I'd been electrocuted. And I've felt that way ever since."
She paused, looking at him carefully.
"Even when you make me so angry that I can't stand to look at you, I still love you more than anything in the world. I just tell myself that you're just being your typical jackass self and that it won't last. And I've never been wrong on that front before."
"You never will be, babe. I might be a jackass, but I'm your jackass."
Abbey laughed, shaking her head.
"It doesn't sound the same when you say it."
"Yeah," he agreed, "You're right."
"And don't you ever forget it, Jed Bartlet."
"Yes, ma'am."
When Jed was pulled from his sleep by the sound of Abbey's scream, he immediately feared the worst, his worry diminishing somewhat when he realized she was having a nightmare, and he reached out to wake her, his movements slow in the dark.
"Abbey, wake up."
She bolted away from his touch as her eyes opened, but once they had adjusted enough for her to recognize him, she visibly relaxed, though she was still shaking. Deciding to take his chances, Jed reached for her again, pulling her into his arms when she offered no resistance, and as he held her against his chest, he felt her begin to cry, tears dripping onto his shirt as they fell from her eyes.
"You haven't had one this bad in a long time, baby. Do you want to talk about it?"
Abbey shook her head, moving closer to his warmth, and when she spoke, the way her voice broke was almost enough to shatter his heart right then and there.
"Just hold me, Jed. Please."
"Shh, baby. Don't worry. I've got you. You're safe now. Nothing's going to happen to you. I promise."
She cried for a few more minutes, her tears dampening the fabric of his shirt, and when he heard her voice next, he was surprised to hear a note of anger in her tone.
"Is it too much to ask that I get one decent night of sleep? What the hell do I have to do to make that happen?"
She raised her head just enough that she was looking in his eyes, her own bright in the darkness.
"I'm so tired, Jed," she whispered, "I'm so fucking exhausted."
"I know, sweetheart. I don't think you've slept well the entire time I've known you, with a few notable exceptions."
"I sleep fine when I'm drunk," Abbey muttered bitterly.
"That's not sleeping, honey. That's called passing out. It isn't the same thing."
"Hey, whatever works. Don't judge something until you've done it."
"I have tried it," he reminded her, "I woke up the next day with a busted hand and a broken mirror, remember?"
Abbey sighed, laying her head back down on his chest, and as she closed her eyes, he heard her voice, less angry now, though still just as exhausted as before.
"What time is it?"
Jed glanced at the clock, placing a light kiss to her temple as he shifted to be more comfortable, his voice low.
"Just after three. Why don't you try going back to sleep? You know how sleep deprivation affects you, and I don't particularly want to see you jumping at shadows for the next few weeks."
"I'll give it a shot," she murmured, already close to sleep again, "but only if you hold me."
Jed laughed quietly, glancing at her.
"Maybe you haven't noticed because you're already half asleep, but I am holding you. Have been for quite some time now."
"Jed?"
"Hm?"
"Shut up."
The last thing Abbey was aware of that night as she drifted back to sleep was the sound of Jed's quiet laughter, a lullaby that she would never get tired of hearing.
Jed was wildly confused when he returned to their apartment to find neither Abbey or Heathcliff present, but when the door opened less than twenty minutes later, the mystery was solved as Abbey walked through it, rain-soaked and glaring at the dog beside her in annoyance.
"Nice walk, sweetheart?" Jed asked conversationally, ignoring the glare she threw him.
"This little demon decided it would be fun to jump in every single puddle of water he came across, which means that he's going to get a bath, which also means he's going to try to drown me. Again," she answered exasperatedly.
She was so caught up in trying to unhook Heathcliff's leash that she didn't notice Jed approaching her, and when his hand reached down to deftly undo the leash, she gave him an appreciative smile.
"Thanks."
He let his lips trail along the base of her throat, his breath warm on her rain-chilled skin.
"Abigail, forget about the dog for a moment."
"Jed, what—"
He pulled her into his arms, kissing her hard, and when he met her eyes again, she recognized the look in them easily.
"What's gotten into you?" she asked with a laugh.
"Your hair's wet," he said simply.
As he lifted her into his arms, Abbey found that thoughts of Heathcliff and his impending bath were the farthest thing from her mind.
A/N: Hope you liked it!