"Hey Cap!", I sing song when he picks up.
"Hey, you sound perky, it must've not gone too bad with the girls then?"
"Yeah it went fine and they also offered me a position as house mom! Which means I get my own room, my own bed, and I even get paid!", I say happily.
"Well your own bed sounds nice", Cappie says. "Congrats Case, that's awesome".
I can't help but think he sounds slightly disappointed.
"Yeah, well I was just calling to tell you that you don't have to help me out with the boxes because I'm just switching rooms now, not houses", I say. "But maybe we could still meet up later? Or do you have house stuff going on?"
"No, nothing that can't wait. Your brother is on some kick to get new pledges", He laughs slightly. "He wants to set a booth up tomorrow so I'll probably try to help him with that".
"Oh really? Well funny enough I'll be there too, handing out cupcakes and stuff. I'm just going through my clothes trying to find something that makes me look like I'm not pregnant so Tegan can't fire me as house mom before I even begin", I sigh.
"Why does she care if you're pregnant?"
"Well… a 22 year old pregnant girl who just graduated and had to turn down law school to have the baby doesn't exactly scream the pristine ZBZ image", I frown with an exhale. "Sometimes I forget how lax fraternities are compared to us".
"Well mine is, that's for sure", He laughs and then pauses before speaking in a more serious tone. "Just… don't feel ashamed Casey, you don't have anything to be embarrassed of".
I can tell he's just trying to make me feel better.
"I know that… deep down. But sometimes I still feel bad about it. You know even Rebecca said today she didn't think I could handle law school", I sit down on the bare mattress.
"You know that's not true, that's just a Rebecca thing to say because she likes to get under your skin", Cappie says.
"I just don't want to only amount to being a stay at home mom this young in life Cap", I explain. "When I had such huge dreams for myself last year".
"I have huge dreams for you… so you should too. Don't give up on them. This is just a temporary setback", Cappie tries to help.
"Temporary?", I laugh. "Cap you do know it's not a tamagotchi right? We can't power her down after a few years".
"Yes I know that", I imagine him rolling his eyes at me with a grin on his face. "What I mean is that you won't have to be around 24/7 for the kid forever, they're gonna go off to school and we could do daycare. I can be a stay at home dad. There's lots of things we can do".
"You'd do that if I wanted to do law school next year?", I ask him hesitantly.
"Of course I would", He doesn't miss a beat. "It's kind of something I'd like to talk to you about tonight if you wanna get coffee or something?"
"Coffee?", I scoff. "What, is Doblers closed?"
"Doblers is gonna be swarmed with incoming freshman and people partying tonight, we can actually talk at one of the school cafes", He explains.
"You're kind of scaring me Cap, it's like a body swap movie… you're not freaky fridaying are you?", I joke with him.
"No Casey", He laughs. "Just trying to be responsible. Because that's what you want right? I mean I'm trying… for you"
I think for a moment.
"Yes that's what I've always wanted Cap", I say. "But just promise me you won't just say what you think I want to hear, I want you to say what you really feel".
"I promise", He says calmly. "If you want to know how I really feel, well… I'm scared to death because my life has drastically changed over the past two days, but I'm also happy that you're here and not in DC, as selfish as that is, and I'm also sad because you can't live your dream. And I feel guilty. But mostly scared, really scared".
He sighs finally.
"It's okay that you're scared. I've known longer and I haven't gotten much less scared of it", I slump down so I'm now laying down on the bed. "Thanks for being here to talk to me about it though… you're the best ex boyfriend ever".
"Aren't I a bit more than an ex boyfriend considering we're having a baby together?", He retorts with a slight laugh.
"You've... always been more to me than just an ex boyfriend Cap... you know that. We could…", I pause as I just about feel my heart rate speed up at the conversation veering into the dreaded 'what are we?' territory. "Talk about it tonight?"
"Sounds like a plan".
"Full disclosure, I'm ordering pie", I say with a smile gracing my lips. "Or cake. Maybe even both".
He laughs then.
"We'll get you whatever sweets you want. What about 7 o'clock? I can pick you up", he suggests.
"Okay, text me when you're here", I confirm.
"Alright see you Case".
After we hang up I decide it's time to call Ash. So much has happened the last 24 hours that I know she'd be dying to hear about. Especially since she'd been bugging me to tell Cappie every day for the past two months.
"Casey! I got your text last night that you told him, and then radio silence!", She says like she's annoyed as soon as she picks up the phone but I know it's just an act because I've held out on her and she has no gossip supply in New York.
"I'm sorry, I fell asleep really early", I try to defend myself.
"Not gonna fly Case, you've kept me hanging for almost 24 hours! I'm assuming it went okay because one, you probably would've called me in tears if it hadn't, and two, there's literally no way that Cappie wouldn't be at least decent about you being pregnant", Ashleigh says.
"Okay well you're right, it went as good as I could've hoped. He was upset at first that I didn't tell him, which is understandable. But we're really working well together and… I think he's really gonna step up Ash", I smile.
"See! This is what me and Rusty have been telling you. You have nothing to worry about", Ashleigh says.
"I should've known that, I actually feel really bad I didn't have more faith in him. I think finding out I was pregnant and being so sick everyday made me go momentarily insane", I say.
"Pleading insanity, alright I'll let it slide", Ash laughs.
"I miss you so much, you would not believe the day I've had here at ZBZ so far".
"You told the girls?!", Ashleigh asks, intrigued.
"Yep and everyone was pretty nice about it. Of course Rebecca is a little jaded but in her own way she actually did me a huge favour by offering me house mother", I explain. "So I have somewhere to stay now, I don't even have to move out of ZBZ!"
"That's awesome Case", she says, but doesn't sound half as happy as me.
"What's with everyone being so down on me being a house mom?", I say.
"No it's not that Case, it's just that it makes me sad because I miss you and the girls so much. You're back in the house and I wish I was there with you", She sighs and almost sounds like she's gonna cry.
"I know, I wish you were here more than anything. But we can still visit each other often", I try to lighten the situation.
"Yeah, I'm definitely gonna come up there to see you guys sometime soon. I miss you and Cyprus way too much", She says. "How does Cappie feel about you being house mom?"
"I think he's happy for me", I shrug. "Why?"
"Well just because now that you're staying in town and not moving back to Chicago with your parents I thought that maybe you'd… get a place together", She says cautiously.
"Ash we're not even together. And…", I sigh now. "I don't want him to get back together with me just because I'm pregnant. If we get back together I want it to be regardless of the baby".
"I know but I just thought that even if you guys weren't together, having an apartment of your own to take the baby home to and live in together to share the work would probably be pretty smart", Ashleigh says and it dawns on me why Cappie may not have been as excited as I was about the house mom job.
"Wait Ash… I think you're right", I suddenly realize how out of my mind I am. "What am I thinking? I still need to try to find a place, I can't bring a baby home to ZBZ or Rusty's apartment, and certainly not to Kappa Tau. You think me and Cappie need a place together?"
"Well I think it's probably the smart thing to do", Ashleigh explains.
"I was just thinking that around like end of November I could just find an apartment for me to move into right before I have her".
"You really want to wait until you're 8 months pregnant to move? And during the winter?", Ashleigh says like it's obvious.
"Oh my god Ash. I am so stupid", I put my hand over my face. "I think this is what women are talking about when they describe having pregnancy brain. How did I not think of that?"
"It's okay, you have a lot on your plate. Only like two days ago you were going to raise the baby back in Chicago. But I think you and Cappie should figure out what you want to do before she's born. Because I know you think you can do it by yourself, but if theres anything that 16 and Pregnant taught me it was not to get pregnant", Ashleigh says. "Oh sorry... and also that it's really hard to take care of a newborn, or at least looks like it anyways".
"Thanks Ash. You've actually been really really helpful", I say, thankful that I talked with her before meeting with Cappie tonight. "Maybe me and Cappie do need to talk about living together".
"If you're all alone with the baby 24/7 you probably won't get even one minute of sleep or peace", Ashleigh points out. "Although I could still quit my job and we could raise her together like I talked about earlier! It would be so modern! We would be the hottest moms at school pickup".
I laugh at Ash's crazy ideas.
"No way am I letting you give up being 22 and living in New York City to come help me with something that is 100% my own mess", I say. "But babysitting would be very much appreciated because… well I have to talk to Cappie, but I don't even really care what he says, you're totally her godmother Ash!"
"Um duh! If you didn't make me her godmother I'd be seriously offended", We both laugh.
"Anyways let me know how it goes tonight", She says. "I've gotta get back to work, my lunch break is over".
Ash groans.
"I will, I promise. Miss you Ash! Bye!"
"Bye!"
I'm starting to worry now if I even know what's best for my baby considering I seem to be so unprepared for this. I put my hand on my stomach as I look up at the ceiling, resting my hand against my small bump.
"I promise I'm gonna have everything figured out by the time you get here", I whisper. "Not that you can even hear me, but who knows, maybe you can".
I lay there for awhile longer, poking at my belly button slightly, hoping I'll feel her move again.
"Kick for me baby, don't just do it when your dads around, you're gonna start to make me feel cheap", I laugh. "I'm the one whose been with you through almost four whole months. Plus I'm saving you from being called Bertha Ann. I promise I'm gonna give you a good life".
I drift off into sleep then, my hand against my stomach, turning onto my side, only meaning to close my eyes for a few moments.
"Casey", I hear a voice whispering and bringing me out of my dream. I'd been dreaming about having the baby in my room here at ZBZ and her crying and going out of control, driving the girls crazy.
"Don't cry", I say softly, still dreaming, until I feel someone touching me and I jolt awake.
"Sorry I didn't mean to scare you", Cappie smiles as my senses come to and I make out his face. His blue eyes, his smirk, and floppy, scruffy hair.
"Oh hey Cap", I'm suddenly aware he's in ZBZ, and he must've seen the girls downstairs in order to be up here. This makes me panic slightly and I sit up.
"Hey don't worry, I didn't know whether to wake you up or not. You looked so peaceful I just let you sleep for a bit but then I started to kind of oddly feel like Jeremy", He says and we both laugh.
"It's okay, for some reason I just keep napping all the time", I sigh.
"Well I would assume it's probably the baby growing inside you", Cappie says sarcastically and I give him a look.
"No shit Sherlock", I giggle.
He fakes a look of surprise.
"Not in front of the baby little lady", He fake scolds me for swearing and I hit his arm.
"Maybe I should've let you sleep, you were a lot sweeter two minutes ago", Cappie says.
"Hey!", I giggle.
"Kidding", He puts his hands up.
"Did the girls say anything to you?", I look at him awkwardly, hoping my sisters didn't act too crazy and make him feel weird.
"Well Rebecca let me in and at first she didn't want to let me upstairs because of the crazy no boys upstairs rule you guys have", I give him a look, shaking my head. "But then she gave in and told me congrats and even called me daddy. Which was…. uncomfortable in multiple ways".
Cappie cringes slightly.
"Yeah pretty weird being called mom or dad, isn't it?", I laugh.
"Yeah especially coming from Rebecca", He nods with a grimace on his face. "But she let me up here, so that's good. Do you still want to talk or do you want to go back to sleep?"
"No, I'm awake. Cappie I um… realized that I was being really delusional when I thought that I could just live here until November or December with no plan", I sigh. "And I'm sorry I didn't include you and think it over more. Ashleigh talked some sense into me and made me realize we should probably be trying to get a place eventually, I should I mean… you could stay there too if you wanted. I don't really know yet".
"Yeah I… didn't want to say anything earlier because you seemed so happy about staying here at ZBZ but I was… I guess I was kind of disappointed we weren't going to live together because I'd be missing a lot when she gets here probably… right?", He asks me like I'm suddenly the expert on having a baby.
"To be honest Cap… I'm still pretty clueless about this whole thing. I wish I knew what the perfect thing to do is but I don't. But I do know that I definitely need to start looking at places", I nod. "And… if you're up for it maybe you could come too? We could get a two bedroom and you could stay with me sometimes to help me?"
"Of course", He smiles then, almost like he's relieved. "I think that's probably a good plan. I guess it's a good idea though to stay here for a bit and make some money being the house mom as long as it's not too much work for you".
"Handing out flyers and cupcakes will be easy. Making sure Rebecca doesn't rebel against all the rules set in place and send Tegan into a tailspin… maybe not so easy", I laugh. "But I'll be fine".
"Okay", he nods with a smirk and I feel my heart flutter, him sitting on the side of my bed, here in ZBZ like he used to when we dated a couple months ago. It felt natural, like old patterns.
That's what scared me about living with him, even though I knew I would need his help. It had never exactly been easy for us to stay away from each other. To just be friends. Especially in such close proximity to one another. If I already felt it now what would a couple more months do?
"If we uh… live together we'll have to have some ground rules", I say.
"Like no KT brothers alone with the baby except Rusty?", Cappie jokes.
"No I was thinking more like no having girls in the apartment", I say awkwardly. "Girls that you're… pursuing I mean. Maybe that's too much to ask but-"
"Casey I promise you, I would never do that", He cuts me off before I can finish my sentence.
"Good because I don't really want a repeat of Cinco De Mayo".
"I promise, I'm not even thinking about that right now. About other girls", He grabs my hand to assure me. "And um… for the record, after you walked in, nothing happened between me and Amanda. I came back in upset and she told me I wasn't over my ex and she left".
I can't help the way I smirk then.
"It's okay, you can smile", Cappie jokes with me.
"Fine I'm happy, sue me. That night was hard enough as it was and then I walked in to… that", I say, looking down and letting go of his hand.
"I know, I'm really sorry that happened", He says softly, trying to meet my gaze and his blue eyes are glassy and soft.
"I was um… coming there that day to tell you I was pregnant. Earlier that day when I showed up with Ash", I explain.
He sighs then and shakes his head slightly.
"Things could've been really different then", He says.
"If I had gotten into CRU I might not have gotten drunk that night and forgotten to take my birth control… if I hadn't walked in on you with that girl… maybe I could've stayed here for the summer with you", I theorize. "It doesn't matter Cap because we can't go back now, what happened happened".
"I know", he nods. "It's my fault too since I acted like a dick last spring and over the summer. I wanted to know what you were doing every day of the summer, I wanted to press your name on my phone so many times but I just… I felt insecure about what you said about me being your college boyfriend, like we were just a college relationship and I know you're destined for more than me but-"
"That's not true", I stop him. "When I said that on spring break, it came out wrong, I didn't mean that Cap. I'm serious, I thought that when we got back together there was a good possibility that you were the guy I was gonna end up with… forever".
"I wish I had known that you felt that way", he says. "It's probably just my own insecurities".
"Well whether we like it or not the baby forced us to communicate", I laugh slightly.
"That it did", Cappie smirks. "Or she did I mean".
I get an idea then.
"Hey Cap, want to see something really cool?", I smile at him and then sit up and pull out the drawer of my bedside table.
He looks intrigued trying to figure out what I'm taking out.
I pull out 3 different sonagram photos.
"These are all the photos from my appointments for the baby, back in Chicago", I explain, handing them to him. "That one is from 8 weeks, that was as soon as I got back home to my parents house and I was trying to decide whether to keep it or not".
"I can't see it, what am I supposed to be looking for?", He laughs slightly looking up at me as he studies the photo.
"I could barely see anything either", I laugh. "But they pointed it out to me and then you can't unsee it. It's this little bean right here".
I point to the small spec on the screen.
"Wow she was so small. Just like the size of a jellybean", He laughs.
"Yep", I nod and he turns to the next one. "Then that's her at 14 weeks. I didn't know it was a girl yet though, but it was so cool that I could tell from the 8 to 14 week picture how much it had grown already".
He doesn't take his eyes off the photo, studying it.
"This one's my favorite", I smile and gesture to the third photo. "Because it's when I found out it was a girl, and they told me then that she was the size of a tomato".
"That's pretty big then", He looks up at me surprised.
"Yeah I guess so", I giggle. "That appointment uh…. I just started crying in the doctors office and immediately knew that I made a really big mistake by not telling you. I felt so guilty that because of me you'd already missed out on seeing her grow like I got to. I felt so bad that I was keeping you from her and I wanted to call you so bad that day".
My voice cracks on that last part.
"I wish you had", he touches my knee. "But I understand why you didn't".
"At least you know now, and tomorrow I'm gonna find a doctor here, and then… you can come to the appointments with me if you want", I say.
"I would really really like that", He smiles.
"Okay great", I nod. "My mom came to the first one but was in a pretty bad mood the whole time so I just went to the last two on my own".
Cappie gives me a sad look then, I assume feeling pity for me having to sit through my appointments all alone.
"How do you think they're gonna take the news that you're not coming home?", He asks cautiously.
"Probably pretty badly", I grimace. "But it's my choice, it's not like I'm a teenager so… they'll get over it".
"You can blame it on me", Cappie offers with a laugh.
"My Prince Charming", I joke. "Anyway, you ready to go?"
"Yeah, sure", Cappie smiles and gets up then and I grab my sweater and we're off.