"I cannot believe that we're doing this", I sigh, playing with my hair nervously, twirling it around my finger.
"Don't worry, I'll try to distract them by talking about my wire", Rusty says.
"Jeez you guys, by the way you describe them you'd think you were raised by demons", Cappie jokes.
We're standing in the front area of a cafe in downtown Cyprus and my parents were supposed to meet us here but we had arrived first.
I keep looking out the door anxiously to watch them walk in.
"They're not… that bad", I say with a sigh. "They typically have always left me alone, mostly because they had no expectations for me, Rusty was always the golden child".
I look to Rusty who confirms this.
"But now that I'm pregnant it's like they want to control everything and want to hover over me about every decision", I groan.
"Well…", Cappie offers up a shrug. "My parents haven't even come out to see me since I told them about the baby on the phone so… maybe they just really care Case".
Cappie's perspective makes me think, makes me wonder if he's right. And for the first time today I feel a little bad for my hating the fact that my parents were here. I was going to be a parent myself soon and I try to imagine if my daughter got pregnant right out of college unplanned. I suppose they just wanted to stay on me to make sure I was okay.
Before I can reply to Cappie the two of them walk in the door.
My parents.
About to meet Cappie. I mean I'm pretty sure they'd met him in passing junior year when they went to Rusty's fraternity parents weekend. But now they were actually going to talk to him. And see him in a much different way now that they knew that he was going to be their grandchild's dad.
"Hey mom, dad", I say awkwardly.
"Casey", My mom's lips form into a strained smile as she pulls me in for a hug.
"Nice to see you guys", I nod, my heart pounding out of anxiety. "Um… this is Cappie".
I gesture to Cappie who's behind me, who my mother and father were now staring at intently.
"Cappie these are my parents", I say awkwardly.
"Mr and Mrs Cartwright, it's so good to meet you", Cappie extends his hand and it feels out of character for him to be this formal, this serious. But I know he's trying.
They don't take his hand for a moment, as they instead seem frozen and I hope to god they aren't going to tell him off right here in this crowded cafe.
Finally my dad takes his hand and shakes it hard.
"Hello son", He says gruffly, looking up at Cappie. My dads an average height but Cappie stands taller than him at 6'2.
"We've been… wanting to meet you for some time now", My mom says to him with a nod, her tone neither friendly nor rude.
"I have too, Casey's told me so much about you guys", Cappie says and I shoot him a look as if to say 'no I haven't?'
"Oh guys, looks like our tables ready", Rusty lets us know as he walks back from the hostess' table.
"Great", I give everyone an awkward smile. "Let's go then".
The hostess leads us to a table and we sit down, me and Cappie on one side with Rusty, and my parents on the other.
This cafe was nice, it had teacups laid out, floral arrangements around the restaurant and wooden accents. It would be a much more comforting ambience if I weren't about to have the most anxiety inducing lunch of my life.
"So…. Cappie", My dad starts off. "That's an… interesting name".
"Well it's not his real name dad", I say as if to tell him to back off.
"No, it's okay. It is a weird name. See my name is actually Captain. It's really weird. My parents were living on a commune at the time I was born, they're pretty… free with things I guess you could say", Cappie explains.
"Hmm, something you've inherited then?", My mother comments almost in a snide way.
"Mom", I warn her.
"No it's okay Case", Cappie puts his hand on my leg.
"Mom, dad… why don't we just address the elephant in the room?", I sigh. "I mean that's the reason you're here right?"
I try to break the ice, get the awkward topics out of the way so that we could finally move on and I could stop stressing.
They both look at each other, I think both unsure where to start and we all stare at each other in silence.
"So um… last night I almost lost my wire, well actually I did for a bit. But then I found it! Isn't that craz-", Rusty starts.
"I guess I just want to know what you two are planning to do", My mom cuts off Rusty, no one really paying attention to him and his thinly veiled attempts to overt attention away from me and Cappie.
I'm thankful for Rusty but I knew I'd have to just face the music.
"Well I've got a OBGYN here", I start. "I went to see them two weeks ago and I'm set up to go again, I have a good doctor. I'm ZBZ's house mom which I'm getting paid a bit for, Cappie's graduating in December and working as well… And um I saved my money from my job in the summer, and Cappie's granddad left him some money. So we're just trying to keep working and saving and… getting things ready for her. Me and Cappie are gonna start looking at a place for me and then we'll start setting up her crib and stuff".
I explain the best I can but I have a feeling it's never going to be enough.
"An apartment for just you? Not for the both of you?", My dad asks.
I look at Cappie then.
"I'm gonna be there as much as Casey wants me to, whether that's every day or… not at all", Cappie explains. "I'm willing to do whatever Case and the baby need".
"That sounds good in theory but honey… you need your family. You need me, I'm the one that's had two children. You two don't know the first thing about babies!", My mom says looking at me like she's distressed.
"Well no one that has their first baby has experience with raising one", I say. "We'll learn like everyone else does. I read stuff online all the time, Cappie's reading a baby book. Plus I'm… her mom".
I say that last sentence strongly because I want to assert that I am her mom. Which means I'm the captain of this ship, I'm the one that controls this operation. Not them. I'm 22. I'm old enough to make my own decisions.
"We know you're her mom but… you guys are so young. That's why we had originally pushed for you to put her up for adoption", My mom says with a strained look on her face. "I mean, how old are you Cappie?".
"23 on Tuesday", He says.
"Both of you are just very, very young for all this", My mom reiterates.
"We'll figure it out mom. I'm keeping her, there's no argument on that. And there's a lot of people here in Cyprus who want to help us. I know you said we should be with family but… the people in our lives here, they are our family. My sisters, Cappie's brothers… they're like a family", I say.
"But they're just a bunch of kids too. I don't want my granddaughter being raised by a bunch of kids!", My mom practically whines.
"With all due respect Mrs. Cartwright", Cappie looks at my mom and then at me and I think he can tell that I need backup. I've already tried to explain why we want to be here in Cyprus and it's not working. "Me and Casey are committed to doing every single thing we can for this baby. I will never walk out, ever. I haven't even met her yet and… and I'm willing to literally die for her. And I know Casey feels the same, probably even more… because I see it every day. Casey cares about this baby so much, worries about her, talks to her, puts her first. She's gonna be the best mom there is, I know that and… you guys should know that too".
I watch him speak, entranced by his words, and a little caught off guard that he knew that I talked to her. I thought that was my own private thing with the baby.
I was proud of Cappie then. He's really backing me up, really there for me. And that's the only thing I could really ask of him.
My parents look at each other then, each one I think not knowing what to say.
"Cappie's right mom, and dad. I've been with Casey the whole time since she decided to keep the baby and she has put this baby first every day. So if she's making the decision to stay here, it's not because it's a willy nilly choice of what she wants… it's because she thinks that it's best for her family", Rusty says. "Cappie and the baby being her family because… they are a real family now, the three of them".
I look to Cappie then with a small smile which he can't help but return.
"Thanks Rus", I turn to say to him.
"Well… the three of you really seem to be on each others side", my mom sighs. "I guess I don't know what to say, we'll just have to… see how this situation plays out".
My mom finally lands on letting go of her argument and crosses her arms, leaning back in her chair.
"If you two are going to be living together, having a baby together, I think we need to talk about the obvious…", my dad starts.
Oh god, please don't bring up marriage, please don't bring up-
"Most couples would be thinking of marriage at this point", He finishes his sentence.
There he goes. I knew it was coming.
"Dad", I say right away with a groan and a shake of my head. "Me and Cappie are not getting married. We're just focused on the baby right now. And we're not… together like that right now".
My mom perks up again then at my words.
"I'm sorry… you're not together?", She questions, looking back and forth at the both of us.
Cappie opens his mouth to say something but only ends up looking over to me for guidance.
I was kind of the one holding back I suppose. Even though Cappie had been mad at me for keeping him in the dark about the baby, now that we were on good terms I got the feeling that he would get back together if I wanted to.
But why couldn't we just do things on our own timeline?
"Dad, mom… we're in a really good place. We don't have to be together like that just because we're gonna have a baby", I say. "Me and Cappie are always gonna be close, always. Our own relationship, whatever it may be, isn't going to affect how we parent".
"So you're telling me you're going to practically move in together and you haven't even so much as kissed or gone on a date since you came back here Casey?", My mom scoffs with an annoyed laugh that feels like it's making fun of me.
"Mom", I groan. "It's… it's me and Cappie's business".
I catch Rusty's eye then, looking back at me probably basking in the irony of the fact that my parents show up a day after me and Cappie hookup for the first time since I got pregnant.
"It just all seems a little… destined to fail to me Casey", my dad says. "I thought when you said you were moving back here you would at least be in a committed relationship when you brought this baby into the world".
"I know maybe this isn't what you want for your daughter but… I promise that we are committed. Me and Casey have been friends for years now and that's never gonna change", Cappie says.
"Cappie's right", I nod. "We're committed to each other and we're committed to being parents. Isn't that all you can ask of us?"
I give them a look that's practically begging them to just give us some semblance of approval so we can go on with the next few months not feeling like we're doing something wrong by staying here and living the way we want.
"I suppose you're right", My dad agrees with a sigh. "Well, I can't say I'm exactly thrilled with this whole arrangement, or thrilled with you Cappie. But… it looks like my little girl will be taken care of here".
"I don't need to be taken care of dad", I argue.
"She will be, sir", Cappie says nonetheless. "I'm… I'm gonna have a daughter soon too and while I can't say that I know exactly how you feel but… I probably will soon. I just want us all to get along as best we can".
"Well… I think we can do that", my mom nods. "Or at least try, for the baby".
"Thank you", I say, some relief washing over me. "Seriously it would mean a lot".
My mom and dad give me and Cappie the closest thing to a smile they can muster up.
"We'll still be here if something goes wrong… and I'm gonna be here when you have the baby, alright? And your dad. We're gonna be making sure that you're alright", My mom says.
I knew all of this came from one thing, her worry. Her fear that I would end up hurt, alone and taking care of way too much responsibility at a young age.
"Thanks mom", I give her a genuine smile then. "It would be great to have you guys here whenever".
I look over at Cappie to see him giving me a triumphant grin and then look to my left to see Rusty, looking a little bored, but I think relieved this part of the conversation may be coming to a close.
"Does this mean we can order now?", Rusty asks, a smirk on his face. "Because some of us are starving".
"Yeah a pregnant girl needs to eat", I say with a laugh and pick up a menu.
"Well guys that didn't go so bad right?", Rusty says once the three of us are in my car outside the cafe, our parents out of sight.
"I feel like I can finally breathe again", I sigh. "Thank you guys, for backing me up".
I glance over at Cappie who's in the passenger seat. He gives me a soft smile.
I feel like there's something unsaid between us, the way he professed today that I would be a good mother, that he would always be there no matter what, that it didn't matter if we were together or not.
It's all things that he's never said to my face, he typically stays away from serious conversations like that, preferring to be humorous. Oftentimes I felt like the only one who knew the real him.
That's why Ashleigh would never truly understand why I loved him. And I really did love him.
"Good food at least", Rusty's voice from the backseat interrupts my thoughts.
I'm dropping Rusty off first, his apartment building is really close by, only about 5 minutes away. It had started raining so I start the windshield wipers on the car.
"Yeah, yeah, good food", I agree, words flowing out of my mouth, but my mind still on the fact that Cappie was sitting beside me and I couldn't get out of my mind that I loved him. That he was the only reason I got through that lunch.
"Well here's my building. Maybe yours soon too guys", Rusty gives us a smile as I pull in front to drop him off.
"Yeah, fingers crossed", Cappie nods at him. "See ya Spitter!"
"Bye!"
And then it's just the two of us.
I don't think either of us truly knew what to say.
I wanted to say thank you again but somehow it didn't seem like that would be enough.
I wanted to kiss him, but we hadn't had the talk yet.
So we both just sit in silence for awhile.
"You wanna come back to KT with me Case?", Cappie breaks the silence and I look over at him and then back to the road.
"Yeah, yeah sure", I nod. "I guess I did kind of promise you that talk".
"We don't have to do any more talking if you don't want to. I just… thought you'd want to hangout", He shrugs.
"That sounds good", I nod and my heart flutters.
I drive us to KT and when we get out the rain is coming down harder.
I put my purse over my head as we both make a run for the door, laughing in the process.
Once we're inside I realize we've both gotten wet while running inside, it had been unavoidable.
"Wow there's really no one here", I look around.
"Yeah well all the guys are probably at the homecoming game", Cappie explains.
"Oh crap…", I look at him blankly. "I totally forgot about that, Cap I'm sorry, you probably really wanted to go to that".
"Nah it's all good", he waves it off. "This was more important today with your parents. Not to mention it's probably like Noah's Arc in that stadium right now".
I scoff then.
"Yeah but even getting drenched in the rain would probably still be way more fun than lunch with my parents", I say with a laugh as me and Cappie walk up to his room.
Cappie returns the laugh but seems to shrug it off again.
"No it was… good for me to meet them, don't you think?"
"I suppose, although they probably won't ever really give you a chance for awhile. They see you as the reason this whole thing happened", I sigh.
Cappie goes in his closet then to grab two towels, handing me one.
"Thanks", I smile.
"Yeah of course. I don't want to to get a chill. Do you want to borrow some of my clothes?", He asks.
"You're sure you haven't accumulated random women's clothing over your time here Cap?", I joke with him and he laughs.
"Actually", He looks like a lightbulb has gone off in his head and he sticks his head back into his closet to look around.
He pulls out an old ZBZ pink hoodie.
"I'm hoping that's mine and not Rebecca's", I say with a laugh.
"No, it's yours", he laughs. "I should've returned it a long time ago but… I just couldn't. I don't know…."
We look at each other then, both of us with wet hair, cold, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up.
"Cap…."
I trail off and his expression changes then to curiosity and seriousness.
"Yeah?"
I lean forward then on my tiptoes to kiss him on his cheek to his surprise.
His serious face turns softer then, his mouth turning into a smile.
"What was that for?", He asks.
I don't answer, instead I just lean up again but this time to give him a real kiss and his hands move to cup my face as he kisses me back hard.
When we part we both look at each other as if searching for the words we both can't ever seem to say.
"So that talk then…", Cappie says quietly.
"I don't want to talk Cap", I say strongly. "I've done way too much talking today".
I take my cardigan off, throwing it on the chair in his room and he stares at me in surprise.
I pull my dress over my head then, so I'm left in my black bra and underwear.
I scan his face to see what he thinks about this act of vulnerability. His eyes move up my body slowly and when he meets my eyes he looks at me in disbelief.
He doesn't waste a lot of time once he makes a decision and decides to move forward to kiss me. Before I know it we're getting lost in kisses, like we're both ravenous, hungry and wanting more.
I can hear the rain outside pelting down on the house as our hands find ourselves on each others bodies, his more than mine, because I'm busy trying to get his shirt off. The buttons take time and he begins to get frustrated and starts to help me out with them, both of us impatient.
Once it's off I start on his belt, removing that quickly and throwing it to the side of the room.
And then we're on his bed.
I knew Ashleigh wouldn't approve of this. Rusty either for that matter. They would be telling me to have the talk first and figure out what we are before doing anything physical again.
But… we were usually better at this stuff than the tough conversations.
And ever since he helped me out with my parents I'll I've wanted to do is kiss him.
I'm straddling him now as he sits on the bed, his fingers moving my hair out of my face as we kiss.
I pull away then to talk to him.
"Cap I know I don't say it enough but… thank you", I say genuinely.
"For what?", he seems confused.
"Everything", I say like it's obvious. "You've been more there for me than I could've ever imagined. Ever since I told you I was pregnant you have not stopped being right by my side… Just thank you".
I smile at him and he smiles back.
"Is you sitting half naked on top of me while you take my pants off your version of saying thank you?", He jokes with me. "Because if so I'm pretty much at your service until the end of time".
I giggle then and lean in to kiss him again.
"I- I'm probably way in over my head thinking we can do this again. But I don't really care", I shake my head.
"Good… because neither do I Case", Cappie says and we fall back on his bed.
We do everything I said I wasn't going to do.
And I don't regret a second of it.