(OotP) CHAPTER ELEVEN: Protectiveness

The following morning, Umbridge was named Hogwarts High Inquisitor by the Ministry of Magic.

"High Inquisitor?" Ron repeated dubiously as he scanned the headline in the Prophet. "What the bloody hell does that mean?"

"It means she's charged with inspecting our classes and our teachers," Hermione told him. "Sitting in on them, taking notes, and reporting back to the Ministry whether they're doing an 'adequate job.'"

"And if she says they aren't?" asked Ginny. "Does she have the power to sack them?"

"I'd say so," said George as he scanned the article with a wrinkled nose. "And to think, this is only Educational Decree 23. At this rate, we'll reach 100 by Christmas. Wonder what other treats she's got in store for us."

Ellie's eyes met Fred's—the one person who knew about her future Occlumency lesson with Snape. She hadn't technically disobeyed Snape and toldFred; he had simply overheard, as he overheard pretty much everything those days.

Needless to say, Fred wasn't pleased when he found out. He had seen how hard her impromptu session with Luna was, and could only imagine how much worse it would be with someone like Snape.

But she didn't care. With Umbridge's power growing by the second, she needed to protect herself. And if putting herself in a little more pain meant doing so, then so be it.

"Close your eyes," Snape said to Ellie that evening after sitting her down at the desk in front of his own. "Tell me what you see."

Ellie reluctantly closed her eyes. As soon as she did, she saw Cedric's face—which she even more reluctantly admitted to Snape.

If her eyes had been open, she might have been given some indication of his reaction. But when he spoke, he gave nothing away. "I want you to clear your mind. Don't think of Cedric. Don't think of the graveyard. Think about nothing at all."

She did her best—she really did. But every time she tried, Cedric crept back in.

"It's not working," she whispered. "H… how am I supposed to do it? To clear my mind?"

"I think…" Snape sounded hesitant. "Open your eyes for a moment."

She did. He looked… concerned? It was a look she had never seen on him before.

"To understand your block," he explained, "I think I need to get inside your head. To perform Legilimens despite knowing you won't be able to defend yourself."

It made sense, she supposed. She didn't love the idea of her mind being invaded yet again, but if it would help in the long run, she could accept it.

The part she didn't understand was why he seemed so nervous about it.

But she had never had the sort of relationship with her uncle where they shared their feelings, so she didn't ask. Instead, she nodded, closed her eyes, and braced herself.

Having Snape in her head was different from Fred and Umbridge. Where Fred always focused on the present and Umbridge focused specifically on Cedric, Snape seemed to be digging everywhere, trying to find something… but what?

In rapid-fire succession, as if he were blowing through a PowerPoint of Ellie's life, he swept through memory after memory—her as a baby, being handed from Serena to Sirius; her as a toddler, being handed back to Serena by the wizarding authorities; her at school, being picked on by Muggle kids for acting "different;" her at home with Serena, arguing about her Hogwarts letter. And then the more recent memories—flying broomsticks with the Weasleys her first summer at the Burrow; her first time transforming into a dog; her first time performing a song for an audience; her first kiss, with Oliver…

What had she been thinking, letting Snape into her head? How could she sacrifice such sensitive, intimate moments to a man she despised?

"Enough!" she shouted. And, to her amazement, it worked. He was pushed out.

Her eyes flew open. Her cheeks were pink. They had stopped at just about the time she and Harry had decided to become an item. Had he seen that, too?

"Good," he said, black eyes giving nothing away. "I think I've figured it out."

"'It?'" Ellie repeated. "Meaning… how I keep her out?"

He nodded. "It's better, of course, to clear the mind. Protects you against all attempts at Legilimency, not just the ones you're aware of. But in your case, protectiveness seems to be an effective second-best."

"Protectiveness?" she repeated dubiously. "Meaning… of my own memories?"

"Precisely. Rather than focusing on Diggory, you were focusing on how desperately you wanted me not to view your memories as a whole."

"But… surely I was thinking that when Umbridge was in my head. Right?"

"I doubt it. You said she focused on your memories of Diggory, did you not? It was likely impossible for you to think about anything but your own guilt when you saw him."

That, she supposed, made sense. Only… "How do I know that won't happen again?"

"You practice. With me, but also outside of our lessons. Do you have any friends capable of performing Legilimens?"

Ellie thought of Luna, who had expressed quite a bit of interest in learning it. She wasn't entirely sure Luna was actually capable, but she'd help her get there.

"Yeah," she said, nodding. "Okay. Let's practice."

"I don't understand," Fred said that night in the common room after hours. "Why are you willingly subjecting yourself to this much pain and torment?"

The thing that tore him up the most, she knew, was not knowing what happened when Umbridge and Snape were in her head. He could only imagine the things they had done to her, and it drove him crazy.

"Because I don't want her to win, Fred," she said firmly. "Because I never want to be in a position where I'm forced to tell people that what happened to Cedric was an accident because I'm afraid of what she'll do to me if I don't."

"And what if she just finds another way?" he demanded. His voice was starting to rise. "There will always be other ways to hurt you, El. She's a sadistic freak who will take pleasure in finding them!"

"What would you have me do?" she asked, shaking her head. "If she stood me up in class and asked me what happened to Cedric. Would you have me lie?"

He would, of course. She knew he would, because it would mean keeping her safe.

But he knew what that meant for her—how much it broke her spirit. And because of that, his eyes swam with a pain so intense, they actually brimmed with tears.

"I just want you to be safe," he whispered, reaching out a shaky hand to her cheek. "And happy. To stop… hurting."

She knew he did. She knew that he would give up every happiness he had ever felt to give her just a taste more for herself. He would do anything for her.

Anything…

"Fred," she whispered, sitting up straighter. "What if there was a way? A way for me to stop hurting?"

For an instant, his eyes glazed over. He knew what she meant, and he wanted it.

But just as quickly, he shook his head, and his eyes cleared. "You're really trying to kill me, aren't you?"

She didn't understand why he was fighting it so much. Why not try it, when nothing else had worked? Did it not make some degree of sense? He was the person who mattered most to her in the world, and it was an act that was supposed to bring people closer together. Wasn't it supposed to be "magical?" Didn't they write books about it—make movies about it? If anything could save her relationship with Fred, wouldn't it be that?

He must have heard that last thought, because his eyes clouded with even more pain, and he said in a dark, wounded voice, "It wouldn't save us, El. But if we're so far gone that that's the only thing you can think of…"

She didn't have to invade his mind to know what he would have said next.

Nothing will.

"Luna," Ellie said a few days later after her second practice session with Luna. "Do you ever think about sex?"

It was crazy, she knew, to discuss such a thing with Luna Lovegood, let alone at all. It was the first time she had even said the word out loud since the issue had first come up between her and Fred.

And yet… she had to do something. She and Fred had barely spoken since that night by the fire, and it was killing her. And it wasn't as if she could talk about this with his little sister.

"Not particularly often," said Luna with a shrug. "But I sense it in people's thoughts sometimes. Boys, mostly. And yours, both times we did this."

Both times the girls had practiced, Luna had succeeded in casting Legilimens and entering Ellie's mind. As Snape had taught Ellie, she had focused all her energy into "protecting" her memories, and had managed to kick Luna out within a few minutes.

"Really?" Ellie asked, blushing slightly. "I was thinking about sex?"

"Yes, but not in the way boys do. With them, it comes from a desire to feel physically good. With you, though, it's a desire to feel mentally good. At least, mentally… better."

Ellie swallowed. Her throat felt dry, and her skin felt brittle. "Could you tell if… if I was right about that? That it would make me feel better?"

Luna smiled sadly at that. "Don't think that's how the spell works, I'm afraid. I sort of doubt it would, though. What you and Fred feel for each other isn't going to change, no matter what you do or don't do in that regard. So why should it change the way you feel about yourself?"

"El," Fred said to her that night in the common room. There were still students scattered about, so he spoke in a low volume. "Got a minute?"

She glanced at Harry, Ron, and Hermione, all of whom were poring over the mounds of homework they'd been assigned that week. They smiled easily at her, not having the faintest idea of how bad things had gotten between her and Fred. She did her best to smile back before rising to her feet and following Fred to a quiet corner.

"I heard you today," he told her. "With Luna."

She immediately looked away from him and crossed her arms. "Of course, you did."

"I think you should write to your mum," he told her. "About… this."

She took a step backwards, genuinely surprised by what she was hearing. He knew she and her mother hadn't spoken or written in over a year. Where was this coming from?

"You've been without a mother for over a year," he told her, "but you've been without a mother's influence for so much longer than that. Did you ever even talk about this stuff with her, El? Do you even understand the risks?"

She may not have ever had the sex talk with her mother, but she certainly didn't want to have it with her sort-of boyfriend. "I… I mean, of course, I do. But there are plenty of ways to be safe. Spells, potions—"

"That's not what I mean," he said, shaking his head. "The risks to you—to your emotions—to the way you feel about yourself, the world… even me."

She didn't understand. "What risks?"

"I don't… know, exactly." He sounded frustrated. "Resentment. Depression. Insecurity. Maybe other things. Your mum would know better than me. It's why I think you should talk to her."

She blinked several times, attempting to process this. Talking to her mother wasn't an option, of course, and yet… if she did, would he really consider this?

"That's not what I'm saying," he said—having read her thoughts again. "This isn't a negotiation, El. I'm just trying to help you understand why we have to wait."

So he was saying no and asking her to do something impossible?

"Just… tell me you'll think about it," he said. "Please, El. For me."

Despite how far they'd fallen, Ellie still felt a desperate desire to do anything and everything for Fred.

So, reluctantly, she agreed to think about it.

"Everything okay?" Harry asked Ellie when she sat back down at their homework table.

"Uh… fine," she lied. "Did you guys move on to the History of Magic essay yet?"

"Not exactly," said Hermione in a tone that suggested she was up to something mischievous. "I actually just pitched something to Harry that I think you might be interested in, Ellie."

With Ellie's current state of affairs in complete shambles, she was quite eager to hear anything that might distract her. "I'm listening."

"It's stupid," Harry told Ellie immediately. "Nobody would be interested. Whoever said they were was just trying to be nice."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "He's being modest again. Several people have come up to me in the fast few days, asking me if I thought Harry would be open to teaching them practical Defence Against the Dark Arts—you know, since we aren't being taught it in class."

Ellie's eyes bulged with excitement for what felt like the first time in far too long. "Wh… well, that's brilliant, Harry! You have to do it!"

He looked surprised by her enthusiasm. "Really?"

"Of course! You said it yourself in class—we should be preparing ourselves for what's out there, not wasting our time and energy reading beginner Defence out of a book."

"But… me, a teacher?"

"Of course, you. Who better than the boy who's fought Voldemort three times and survived?"

"Well, you did, too," Harry pointed out. "Maybe… you could teach it with me?"

Ellie wasn't remotely convinced that she'd make anywhere near as good a teacher as Harry, but if meant him saying yes, she didn't care. "If that's what you want—sure."

"We'll have to be careful about it," said Ron. "The moment Umbridge gets wind of something like this, she's sure to put a price on all our heads."

"Let me worry about all that," said Hermione, who looked thrilled to bits with Harry's acceptance and Ellie's involvement. "You two, just make sure to go to Hogsmeade on the next trip, okay? We'll meet at the Hog's Head."

Ellie, who was quite familiar with the Hog's Head thanks to her having smuggled Hagrid there in her second year when the Ministry tried to arrest him, nodded eagerly.

Are you sure about this? Fred asked her once they had gotten back to focusing on their schoolwork. Love the idea of sticking it to Umbridge, but are you sure you're prepared for what'll happen if she catches you?

She knew he meant well. She knew that he wouldn't give a rat's arse about trouble if not for the danger it put her in.

But she didn't care. She needed something to make her pain go away, and this seemed to be the only thing left to try.

So she ignored him.

The D.A. is finally upon us! Will it be enough to get Ellie out of this funk - and Ellie and Fred back on track? Find out in the next update, "Dumbledore's Army," and don't forget to review and follow if you're enjoying the story. Thanks for reading!