Earthshine

by The.Teal.Rose

Set during New Moon, Edward is conflicted over having to leave Bella. But then he happens across someone who immediately surprises him with her energy and liveliness. A friendship develops and she begins inspiring him to accept all that he is, which leads him to question his feelings for Bella. "When you lose your heart, you should also find your soul. And we all have one."

32. The Rodeo and the Battleground

A/N: Pretty lengthy chapter, but had a lot of material to cover. There'll be one more time skip after this ;)

Disclaimer: some borrowed excerpts directly from both "Eclipse" and "The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner."

Also, some key differences in the events of Eclipse. Mainly that Victoria would have no idea where Bella is hiding during the battle because she wouldn't have had Edward's scent to follow.

…

Earthshine

Chapter XXXII

"The Rodeo and the Battleground"

…

"Their lives were violent, precarious, fragile, but they fought for them anyway, and held to the hope that their brief stay on this earth might count for something. That faith was worth preserving." - Leigh Bardugo

…

[Vitalia]

The sun was getting lower in the sky, giving my whole room a golden glow. I was unable to keep myself from thinking of Eddy's eyes — so warm and so intense.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror as I ran a straightener through my dark hair and felt a flutter of excitement in my stomach as I thought of the coming evening.

It was Friday night. The night of the rodeo. I always loved them, but this one was going to be even more special because it was Eddy's first one. There was nothing like getting to be part of a first experience. It was going to be awesome! It was just the sort of thing the daredevil vampire seemed to like.

My heart started beating faster and I immediately breathed in to try and settle it down. His piano playing the other night…it had kind of reopened the door to those feelings I'd felt the first time I'd heard the song he wrote for me.

But I had to keep that door shut. Couldn't even go there. He wasn't anywhere near ready to be thinking of anyone else — might never be. I didn't like emotionally painful things and inviting this would be, like, the most masochistic thing.

I shook myself free of those thoughts and refocused, grabbing another strand of hair and smoothing the straightener over it.

When I was done, I put on my favorite plaid blue shirt and a denim jacket before sliding on a pair of distressed, black jeans and my combat boots. I gave the leather a small flick with my fingers and smiled in satisfaction.

I put on some eyeliner and mascara, liking the way it made the icy blue of my eyes pop, before painting my nails a metallic silver. I watched the catch of light on the reflective surface then smiled and checked the time on my phone. Only ten more minutes!

I hopped onto my bed and checked my messages. I had one from Emma saying how excited she was, and one from Matias, which was just a: can't wait to see you!

I smiled, sent each of them a quick reply, then sighed and stared out the double French doors that led onto our wrap around porch. It was nice to be able to just step outside from my room. It was my favorite little coffee nook.

My eyes strayed to the bunk house that was visible from here and I found myself wondering what Eddy did in there all day. I couldn't imagine being confined to one small space like that. I'd go out of my mind with boredom! My whole body felt restless just thinking about it.

I think his level of self-control was one of the things I admired most about him. It was just so completely on another level. That, and his natural urge to challenge life. He didn't just sit back and take anything. He confronted things head on. He couldn't seem to help unraveling absolutely everything. He was curious and analytical and never accepted any situation without thoroughly exploring it first.

I mean, I figured it probably drove him a little insane sometimes, always overthinking things the way he did, but at least when he dove in, he did it with his eyes wide open.

My phone chimed and I reached down to read the new message with a spreading smirk.

Edward: Are you ready to go? I mean, if you're all done admiring from afar?

Vitalia: Oh yeah, because I'm sooo far. A whole ten yards maybe.

Edward: Close. Twelve and a half yards.

I looked up and watched him walk out of the small house, his eyes straying to the sun, which was sinking low on the horizon. I stood and walked out of my room, making my way down the hallway. I gave each of my parents a kiss as I passed the couch where they were sitting.

"I'll see you later tonight."

"Have fun, kiddo." My dad patted my hand.

"And be safe driving, okay?" Mom added.

She was always a little anxious when I drove but, given my previous record and failed driver's ED courses, I guess I couldn't blame her. I just hoped it didn't take her too long to start trusting me behind the wheel.

"I will," I promised with a wide, bright grin as I skipped to the door. "Love you both!"

Then I stepped out into the warm, thrilling evening, where I saw Eddy already standing patiently by my car.

When his eyes met mine, I watched them go all soft and welcoming — they looked about as warm as the summer air around us.

I pursed my lips then made a quick decision and flung him my keys. He caught them easily and raised a brow.

"You drive," I told him as I pulled open the passenger door. "I know you love it and you'll get us there faster."

He laughed and slid into the driver's seat. "I think this is more about you loving my driving."

I shrugged. "Maybe. Why can't it be both? It's a mutual feeling, so we both win."

He held my gaze a long moment before nodding and starting the car. "Fair enough."

As he pulled away from the house and down the rough driveway, I couldn't seem to keep the grin off my face. "I'm so excited, Eddy. You're really going to like this."

"I know you're excited," he told me as he glanced my way in amusement. "It's all you've been able to think about for the past week."

I laughed. "Well I can't really help that."

He nodded. "Yes, I'm aware." There was a pause before he gave me a little smile. "But I'm going to assume you're right, as you are about most things. I'm sure I'll enjoy it." His smile widened. "Even if for no other reason than that you will be having such a great time."

"That's nice of you to say, but I'm pretty confident you'll be enjoying it for yourself too."

"I'll take your word for it."

He turned onto the highway before reaching his hand out to me. "Do you mind?"

"Oh no, for sure. Take it away, DJ." I instantly knew what he was asking for and took out my iPod. I plugged it into the aux cord and handed it to him.

He muttered a distracted "thanks" as he scrolled through my song list.

He selected an indie artist then set the iPod into the cup holder. He rolled my window down for me and steadily accelerated, catching my eye as I felt the anticipation grow inside me. It was like he'd been waiting for this reaction, the way he watched me.

I really liked how much we'd gotten to know each other, to the point where we could anticipate these things. I mean, I was no mind reader, so I didn't have that advantage, but I felt like I was doing a pretty good job keeping up with him.

"For a human," he conceded with a shrug as he looked at the road again.

I rolled my eyes then let my hand drift out the window, the way I always did when flying down asphalt this way. That just makes it all the more impressive, Eddy!

It was a pretty universal thing though. The longer you knew a person, the more you got to see and the more accurately you could predict some of the things they would do. And me and Eddy had known each other for almost a whole year! I couldn't even believe it'd been that long. Camping out in Forks felt like a lifetime ago.

With a glance his way, I saw he'd gone rigid, and his grip on the steering wheel had tightened.

Right. Forks. I winced and decided to think of something else. My mind went right back to the rodeo.

I sometimes wished I'd learned how to ride a wild bronc. The adrenaline from that had to be insane!

Eddy scoffed beside me. "You would wish that. For something that dangerous."

"They gamble with their lives every time they go out there."

He gave me a look and I was reminded of one of the lectures he'd give me about taking unnecessary risks.

"Don't worry," I told him. "That's not a gamble I'm planning to make. I never learned how and I've got other ambitions to pursue." Then I smirked. "But I can always daydream, can't I? Imagine alternate realities."

He shook his head but didn't argue. I smirked in victory before settling back in my seat and propping my boots on the dash.

I breathed in the summer air coming in through window and let it fill me up. It was so fragrant — something smoky and sweet. Sometimes I wished I could live in these perfect moments forever.

But then I remembered that the reason I enjoyed them so much was because they were so fleeting. So I held onto them like the fragile, one-of-a-kind things they were, immersing myself in them. Fully living them.

From the corner of my eye, I caught Eddy watching me intently again.

[Bella]

When I woke up in the morning, it was very bright — even inside the tent, the sunlight hurt my eyes. And I was sweating, as Jacob had predicted. Jacob was snoring lightly in my ear, his arms still wrapped around me.

I pulled my head away from his feverishly warm chest and felt the sting of the cold morning on my clammy cheek. Jacob sighed in his sleep; his arms tightened unconsciously.

I lifted and leaned my head back to get a better look at him. He looked so peaceful. So unconcerned.

After hesitating a moment, I slowly brought my fingers to the fringe of hair over his forehead. I lightly swept it aside and watched as he stirred.

He didn't wake up though, only sighed softly again. I resettled my head against his arm and let my eyes run over his face.

He'd kept me warm last night. He'd disguised my scent with his by carrying me to this very remote location in the mountains, where I could wait out the battle — far away from the fight. But it was a lot colder up here, even in June, and a snowstorm had blown through. I'd been shivering inside the tent and Jacob immediately came in and wrapped me up in his arms. I didn't protest once, loving the feel of being wrapped up close to him, so comfortably and so snugly.

I hadn't been able to focus on what was going on between me and Jacob — the last time I'd really thought about it was the night Alice had unexpectedly shown up at my house. But now, in this quiet before so many of the people I cared about went to battle with the Seattle army, I found my mind drifting back to that moment in the car three months ago when I'd nearly made a resolution about him.

I'd considered giving every last bit of love I had left to him. I'd almost decided that it wouldn't be so very wrong to do it. It wouldn't equal the love I would always feel for Edward, but I could manage to find some happiness and I knew it would make Jake happy too. He wouldn't mind. He'd accept whatever I had to give. He'd accept it wholeheartedly.

Be happy. That was the last thing I'd heard Edward's beautiful, imaginary voice say. I had been thinking of kissing Jacob when I'd heard it…it had stopped me dead in my tracks.

Now though, I could fully process what it meant. It meant that, even though Edward didn't care for me as I cared for him, I had his blessing. He would want me to move on. To be as close to whole as I could possibly be without him.

I smiled at Jake again and wrapped an arm around his waist, holding him close.

I felt worry creep in though. I knew it was selfish, but I desperately wanted Jake to stay here, away from the fight. I knew I couldn't survive losing him too. I would never recover.

He stirred again and, this time, he started to open his eyes. I waited as he fully woke. He glanced around in confusion a moment before his gaze finally settled on me and he smiled.

"Well hey there, Bells. How'd you sleep?"

His voice was deep, groggy and very soothing. "Fine. It was…very warm. How about you?"

Jacob sighed happily then reached up to brush my hair across my damp forehead. He chuckled as he replied. "Wish I could say it was better, but it was like sleeping next to a hurricane! Do you have any idea how much you talk and thrash around in your sleep? Thought you'd never shut-up."

My eyes widened and I felt a blush creep up on my cheeks. I'd totally forgotten about that! What had he heard? I groaned and buried my face against his chest. "Oh no…what did I say?"

"You kept mumbling on and on about the third wife. From that story my tribe was telling. What's up with that?"

"…nothing," I answered, knowing it'd only make him angry.

I glanced up at his face and saw he was thinking it over before realization dawned on his face. "Oh. Ugh. Really, Bella?"

"I would do it if I knew it would stop the fighting. If it could keep all of you safe."

"Sacrificing yourself is never the answer. How many times do I have to tell you that we're all going to be fine?"

I stayed quiet then, unable to keep the worry off my face. It didn't reassure me. The risk was still there, whether he thought so or not. Jasper had told all of us how dangerous newborns were and I still had my personal theory that Victoria was really the one behind it all. She was terrifying and ruthless and all I could think about was her sinking her teeth into Jacob.

"Promise me you aren't going to try running into the battle after I leave," Jake told me fiercely.

I stared into his eyes, but kept quiet. I couldn't promise that. I didn't know what I would do, but if Seth gave me any indication that something had gone wrong, then I was determined to do my part. I was the one they were all after. There was no reason anyone should die for me.

Jacob suddenly threw off the sleeping bag and I shivered at the sudden contact of the cold air.

"Where are you going?" I asked as he sprang up and threw open the tent flap.

"To talk to Seth. Tell him not to let you out of his sight."

I sat up and watched him walk outside, where he approached the small, sandy-colored wolf lying under a tree.

I huffed and stood. I wrapped my arms around myself to stop my shivers and walked outside.

"Jacob, if you want to make sure I don't go rushing off, why don't you just stay?"

He froze before slowly turning to face me with a glare. "What?"

I swallowed, glanced uncomfortably at Seth, then looked at Jacob again. "…I can't lose you. Please…please stay with me."

"Bella," he answered through gritted teeth as he strode over to me. "I cant do that. They need me. The pack is depending on me. What? You want me to send Seth into that? Part of the reason he's the one staying is because no one wants him in that battle."

Seth whined and Jacob immediately shushed him. I looked down at the youngest werewolf, feeling pathetically guilty. Still, I couldn't rid myself of the selfish desire to keep Jacob close.

He gripped my arms. "I will tie you to a tree if I have to. I'm not backing out of this and I'm not letting you go through with your ridiculous plan."

His tone grew softer as he drifted his hands down to my hands. "Don't worry about me, Bells. I'll be fine, just like I always am."

A strangled, desperate sound escaped me and I looked down at my feet before he lifted my chin to look at him again. "You said other things, you know. In your sleep."

"What things?" I mumbled. From the corner of my eye, I saw Seth stand and saunter off into the forest, giving us space, apparently.

"Well, you kept saying that bloodsucker's name."

I frowned, wondering where he was going with this.

"But you also said mine. You called me your Jacob." He smiled. "That was nice to hear."

"…you are my Jacob." My sun. My lifeline. My best friend. I felt another surge of desperation and reached up my hands to his chest. "I'm begging you. Stay with me."

I would have fallen to my knees, if I could have moved at all.

"For fifteen minutes while I miss a good brawl?"

I huffed in frustration. "How can you be taking this so lightly? I feel as worried for you as you do for me."

"Yeah, but I'm much more durable than you are."

"Can you stop joking, please?"

"…fine."

I blinked and looked up into his eyes. I saw a new look come over them. A fevered look.

"All joking aside…" His voice lowered and he leaned his forehead against mine as his large hands framed my face. "I love you, Bella."

My mouth parted and my breathing hitched. It was the first time he'd said those words, though I'd known them to be true for a long time.

And I loved him too. Not as much as he loved me, not nearly as much, but enough. Enough to grasp at the fragments of happiness right in front of me.

I couldn't let him go into battle without knowing that first.

"I love you too, Jacob," I whispered brokenly.

The smile that broke across his face was so blindingly radiant that, for just a moment, I forgot about my paralyzing fear. I forgot about the gaping hole Edward had left in my life. All I could see was sunshine.

"Will you kiss me, Jacob?" I blurted out the words without pausing to question if I was really ready for that. But now that they were out there, I knew this might be the only way I ever could know.

He blinked in surprise. "Are you sure?"

I nodded and felt a new determination rising inside of me. "Kiss me, Jacob. Kiss me, and then come back."

He hesitated and looked past me. He looked towards the west, where his pack was waiting, uncertainty warring across his face. Then his eyes found mine again and I could see the doubt and the cautious hope there.

I smiled at him, feeling a weight lift from me at the knowledge that I could finally give him this. I could give him what was left of me.

"Kiss me," I whispered a final time.

He swallowed then brought a hand through my hair before leaning forward and pressing his lips to mine.

It was different, so very different, kissing Jacob. His lips were warm and unreserved — completely unlike Edward's.

I didn't respond at first, the shock at the difference distracting me for a moment. But as I settled into his embrace, I began to move my lips with his in the strange, confusing ways they'd never moved before — because I didn't have to be careful with Jacob and he certainly wasn't being careful with me. I didn't have to hold back.

I brought my fingers through his hair and pulled him closer. I could feel his joy as he wrapped an arm around my waist and deepened the kiss.

He was everywhere. The piercing sunlight turned my eyelids red, and the color fit, matched the heat. The heat was everywhere. I couldn't see or hear or feel anything that wasn't Jacob.

I never wanted him to stop.

I realized then that I'd been mistaken this whole time. I'd been so blinded by grief that I couldn't see.

The love I felt for Jacob was not just an echo of what I felt for Edward.

It still wasn't enough, but it was so much more than I'd thought. It was much closer to being equal than I knew was possible.

For a brief, never-ending second, a new path exploded behind the lids of my tear-wet eyes. As if I were looking through the filter of Jacob's thoughts, I could see exactly what I was gaining. I could see Charlie and Renée mixed into a strange collage with Billy and Sam and La Push. I could see years passing, and meaning something as they passed, changing me. I could see the enormous red-brown wolf that I loved, always standing as protector if I needed him. For the tiniest fragment of that second, I saw the bobbing heads of two small, black-haired children, running away from me into the familiar forest.

I wanted it all. I wanted it bad. I wanted it with such a force that it nearly knocked me off balance. I wanted to stay right here and never move. I wanted to love him and make him happy.

I could clearly see that, without Edward, this was the natural path my life should take. That it had always been. Edward was my soul mate, would always be, but in a world without him, Jacob was my soul mate too.

Jacob's lips were still before mine were. I opened my eyes and he was staring at me with wonder and elation.

I stared up at him with all the love I felt for him — with a happiness that had finally broken through all of my misery.

"You'd better come back to me, Jacob Black." I told him firmly.

He smirked. "And you'd better stay right here and wait for me."

"Fine. I will. But only if you promise not to get yourself killed. "

"I can do that," he answered before his arms curled around me. He hugged me securely before whispering in my ear. "I can't wait to start a life with you, Bella."

I nodded against him as I fought with the tears in my eyes. "Yeah…me too, Jake."

[Edward]

The sounds of the stadium were loud and the thoughts inside were filled with eagerness, daring, and anticipation.

Vitalia's were the same. I kept stride with her as she practically bounced towards the entrance. I found it difficult to tear my eyes away from her. I wanted to be witness to all of this — to all the excited expressions she displayed.

I also found myself admiring the blue of her favorite shirt again. I thought it striking every time she chose to wear it. I considered it my favorite too.

"Hey there, Edward."

I looked over to see Robbie Santi standing near the entrance, one foot propped on the wall behind him as he flicked the tip of a cigarette.

I nodded politely. "Rob. How are you?"

He only shrugged in answer and brought the cigarette to his lips, where he inhaled a deep lungful before releasing the nicotine in a cloud of smoke. "Can't complain."

Vitalia stepped over to him and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him in for a hug. He chuckled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "What's going on, Vi?"

I tried to ease the tension I felt at the sight of seeing her breathe in the smoke billowing up to her from the cigarette. She'd been a smoker herself for a short time, but secondhand was just as bad and I could only imagine the number of chemicals currently threatening her livelihood.

I hoped this wouldn't cause her to pick up the habit again.

"Only one of the most exciting nights ever!"

He snorted. "You've been to plenty of rodeos."

"Yeah, but this is Eddy's first one. Makes it so much better."

Rob's dark eyes flicked towards me at that. "Yeah?" Makes sense, he mentally added. Doesn't really seem like his kind of thing.

I nodded. "I'm looking forward to my first experience. Vi's convinced I'll love it." I sent her a wink.

He gave Vitalia a doubtful look. "You sure about that?"

"What? You don't think he will?" She crossed her arms and gave him a challenging lift of her brow.

"Well, I mean-" he struggled with the words a moment before he chuckled again and gestured at me. " Look at him. He's so prim and proper."

"Rob," Vitalia awarded her cousin a belittling smirk. "There is so much more to Eddy than meets the eye. You have no idea." She laughed at herself and gave him a pat on the shoulder.

"That so? Wanna enlighten me?" He sent a glance between the two of us, thoughts returning to the same curious, somewhat suspicious tone they usually held around me.

Vitalia only shook her head and darted towards me. "Nope! I've already put in the work getting to know him. You want answers, I suggest you spend some time with him yourself."

He rolled his eyes and lifted his cigarette again. "Uh-huh."

I sent him a wave and a bright smirk. "Any time. Just let me know when, Rob."

He waved us both off and I laughed alongside the girl as we walked inside.

"He's hard to get close to, but he's a good guy." Vitalia assured me. "He'd do anything for his family."

I nodded. "I've heard some of that from his thoughts. I just have to be careful with him. He's very insightful and knows something's off about me."

"Yeah, he's always had this sixth sense about people. Gets a vibe off them."

"Not a bad thing," I conceded. "But it's probably for the best that we don't get any closer."

She clicked her tongue. I guess. Any continued thoughts she might've had on the subject immediately vanished as we reached the bleachers, which were lit by bright, floursescent lights. The entire room smelled of dust and livestock and the crowd was cheering as they waited for the show to begin.

I pointed out the spot where Emma, Matias and Danny were sitting, then followed Vitalia as she marched up the rows of seats. She hugged each of her cousins before sharing a quick kiss with Mat. After lowering herself beside the boy, she motioned to the seat at her other side. I eased myself down into it before looking past her.

"Good evening, Matias."

"Hey, Edward." He smiled good-naturedly. "Glad you could make it out here with us."

"Right?" Emma interjected, leaning past him to look at us. " Finally! been wanting to do this for a long time."

"I know," I nodded. "Vi told me all about it."

Vitalia grinned at her. "Your patience has paid off."

"Pft. Patience." Danny laughed. "Right."

Emma threw a piece of popcorn at him and he only laughed harder as he swatted it away.

As we sat and waited, I listened as Emma and Vitalia chatted — with Danny adding his own quips every now and then — while Matias smiled as he stared at Vitalia, thinking to himself how pretty she looked.

I glanced at the boy and at the way he openly admired her, his thumb running absent, soothing circles over her hand.

He was good for her. Even if their futures didn't line up, I felt sure they could work something out.

However, I suddenly felt the return of that faintly jealous feeling I'd experienced when they'd first kissed. My mind wandered itself into a fantasy where I was holding her hand as he was, admiring her and feeling completely content just listening to her speak.

It wasn't difficult to imagine, especially since I already felt so content listening to her. More than content. It always invigorated me.

But I forced the fantasy away, reminding myself that it was just an attempt to escape from the significant loss I was experiencing.

A few minutes later, the announcer began the event and the crowd stood and cheered in an energizing chorus. Vitalia rose to her feet and clapped her hands, screaming out in eagerness. She jumped up and down, grinning brightly.

I slowly stood beside her, observing the opening act. Trick riders and flashy performers raced around the arena to the roar of the crowd.

Everyone sat again as the rodeo officially began and the announcer introduced the individual riders. The tension in the air was very vivid as each contender mounted an uncontrollable animal and tried to stay in rhythm with it. They couldn't work against the threat in any way, but had to find a way to adapt and work with it. To flow with it unresistingly.

It was such a wild, reckless activity, but I felt a draw to it anyway. The skill and daring involved was incredible. It was amazing to me that human beings were capable of accomplishing these things. I often overlooked how durable and resilient they could be.

Man, I'd so love to experience what that's like at least once, Vitalia was thinking as she watched.

I glanced at her and observed the way her face glowed in awe. I listened to the way her heart beat harder in excitement. I realized then that these riders very much represented the way she naturally approached life.

Many dangers stood against her very fragile mortality. Mortal life was wild, unpredictable and reckless. And yet…her response was often to flow with it. To unresistingly find a harmony and adapt to it. It didn't mean she didn't challenge life, that she didn't fight. It only meant that she'd found the very best way to overcome it.

I never liked to feel a loss of control — I didn't like to simply accept what came my way without first exploring every single angle first. I was rigid and unadaptable and anxious. I dwelled frequently on all the things I wished I had control over. But I often only made things worse. I drove myself to the brink of insanity with the constant overthinking I did.

Vitalia suddenly turned to flick her brilliant blue eyes at me. I willed them to stay as I felt my own gaze intensify.

I listened to the catch of her breath, the silencing of her thoughts, and felt a stab of betrayal against Bella. It mingled with the thrill of admiring the lively person beside me.

She blinked then slowly smiled at me before running a hand down her shock of blue hair and looking down at the arena again.

From beside her, I noticed Matias watching and I caught the thoughts now swirling in his head.

Am I just trying to force something here? The way she looks at him…it's so different from how she looks at me.

I swallowed, looked away, and closed my eyes. I couldn't stand in the way of what was happening between Vi and Matias. I couldn't let myself ruin another human girl's life.

"Ooh! Ooh! Look," Emma's voice drifted over. "Chad's next, see? That's him on Tornado."

I let my eyes open again and easily spotted the boy in the corral as he mounted a bronc waiting there.

I'm so excited, Emma thought as she tightly gripped her brother's arm. But nervous too!

A few minutes later, the buzzer went off and Tornado came bounding out of the gate. Chad held on securely as he was thrashed around, managing a full seven seconds before he was thrown into the dirt. The crowd cheered for him and Emma smiled proudly. I watched the boy pick himself up and dust off his jeans before heading out of the arena with a holler as he flung hus hat victoriously into the air.

Hope Em's watching, he was thinking. One of my best rides yet.

"He was pretty good," Matias said to Vitalia.

"He was!" She exclaimed before giving Emma a thumbs up.

The next rider entered the arena and Vitalia directed her attention to me. "You enjoying it, Eddy?"

I turned my head but carefully avoided her eyes, aware that Matias was observing.

"I am." I smiled, "it is exciting." I paused before looking at my hands. "You know, before I met you, I couldn't really understand why some people would risk their lives like this, willingly putting themselves into harm's way. I still think it's a reckless and a little foolish, but…" I risked the briefest glance at her eyes. "It really adds something, doesn't it?"

She smirked. "Quality over quantity. You can't always play it safe. Part of living is stepping out and taking a risk."

"Within reason though." I couldn't help smirking back. I still felt the need to caution her against taking unnecessary risks.

"Right." She rolled her eyes, but it was half-hearted. Her smirk lingered. "That is what I'm planning in my future though. To put myself out there. Travel to war torn counties and write about what's actually happening around the world. Take those risks. More than just a thrill, I think it can sometimes actually be the right thing."

I couldn't keep my eyes from her then. I let my gaze fall into the passionate set of her eyes. I saw her resolve. Her courage. I saw how much this mattered to her. It mattered so much more than I had previously realized.

I was suddenly aware of the respect I felt for her. It stirred something in me. In my human life, I'd longed to join the war. To contribute. To rake a risk for a higher good. Like her, I'd once been filled with reckless courage.

The loss of that had painfully haunted me in my new existence. It was now a daily struggle for me to do anything right. I no longer felt that there was a higher calling to aspire to. Not like hers.

I imagined her taking those risks and felt an immediate inclination to try and prevent her from a future that would hold so many dangers. To try and save her from it.

But the feeling passed in the next moment.

How could I keep her from a dream like that? From doing what she so firmly believed was right?

Far from wanting to stand in her way and prevent this, I now found that I wanted to see this terrific force of nature take on the world. I wanted to witness all that she would become. I wanted to be right there, at her side, enabling her in every way that I could.

The strength of that sudden desire stunned me and I struggled to understand what it meant. I couldn't expect any future with her. My soul and my life would always be Bella's, whether she was alive or not.

I tried to put it from my mind and forced myself to return to the present moment.

My expression softened and I managed an encouraging smile. "…that's true. I believe in your ability to make a difference." After all, she had a way of achieving the impossible. She was made for this sort of thing.

Her face brightened. "Thank you, Eddy." Her gaze turned more pointed then. I believe in you too, by the way. I know you don't see yourself as being able to do good, but there's a lot more to you than you give yourself credit for.

My smile fell and I breathed in uncomfortably. That hope I'd entertained before the tragedy of losing Bella…the belief that maybe I could find something meaningful like Carlisle, sprang up again.

She was making me believe in things I'd despaired of.

I didn't know how she did it, but when I was near her…the monster inside of me became so subdued. So inconsequential. As if it made no difference what I had become. As if there was still something human in me after all.

For as long as I could remember, everyone had been saying the same things to me — my family and Bella — that I was good. That I was worthy of redemption. I hadnt listened.

But something about the way she said it gave me pause. Her words flew past my defenses and straight into my dead heart, where they took root.

"Vi…" I whispered, but I swallowed and struggled to speak.

She only smiled wider and reached down to grasp my cold hand. "It's okay. I know." She nodded, showing me that she completely understood.

I breathed out and held her hand tighter as I returned her nod.

Yeah, they've definitely got a strong connection. I think something might be happening there… Matias looked away as his eyes fell. Does she even realize?

I felt the return of my guilt and slowly released the girl's hand, giving her a reassuring smile before forcing myself to look at the arena again.

What was the right thing to do here? What were my feelings indicating? Would she just be an escape from my pain, or was there something more to it?

[Jasper]

We all stood in the formation I'd taught them — the minutes counting down before the army of newborns reached us. I held Alice's hand and she gave me a wink when I looked at her.

She couldn't see the outcome of the coming battle, but she was confident we'd emerge from this unscathed.

I swept a gaze over the werewolves flanking us, their entire forms trembling with excitement. Emmett looked almost exactly like them, I thought with amusement. He was more beast than man, really.

"Where's Jacob Black?" I asked Sam, the wolf leader.

Jacob had brought Bella to an out of the way location, effectively hiding her and covering her scent. We'd lured the army here with it and they seemed to be following the path exactly as we had predicted.

But I had expected him to have returned already.

By way of answer, Sam nodded his large head to the forest and I glanced over to see the shaggy mahogany wolf emerge form the trees, tail wagging. He had a bounce in his step and his feelings weren't the same as the others. He was…ecstatic. He was overwhelmingly joyous.

Bella, I concluded. Something must have happened there.

I shared a glance with Alice and saw she'd noticed the same thing.

I saw the disappointment on her face, as well as the begrudging acceptance. I knew she was already growing fond of the wolf.

"I'm pleased you've finally decided to join us," I said to Jacob as he came to a stop beside me.

Hw only grunted, but his feelings remained unaffected. I supposed it was good. His level of energy would only benefit us further.

"How far are they?"

I looked towards the accented voice, unable to help a slight tension in response to it. I met Maria's stare as she stood — somewhat uncomfortably — between two of the other wolves.

Their presence had been making her nervous from the start. She didn't like unexpected surprises. It was comforting to me though, how uneasy she was. It meant she probably wouldn't be setting her sights here. Too much of a gamble.

"I'm starting to feel their emotions coming in," I told her. "So not far. Couple of miles. Should be here within three minutes."

She nodded and steeled herself, looking towards her two subordinates. It helped that they were also newborns. Their strength would be valuable.

I breathed out and focused. I felt excitement on our side and a growing frenzy from the approaching newborns. A certain level of confusion as well.

I shook my head. This army had none of the finesse or experience in which Maria managed hers. Whoever had created these newborns had cruelly thrown them into this without any idea of what they were doing.

Maybe Bella had been right. Maybe it had been Victoria.

"Ready?" I asked when I saw the first of them emerge from the treeline.

"Just give the order," Emmett answered with a wide grin. "How long you think this'll take? Five minutes? Ten?"

I glanced at him with a challenging smirk. "Five minutes. Tops."

Jacob snorted in agreement and then I watched as the wolves crouched as one, completely unified, and ready to lunge as soon as I gave the command.

The newborns were starting to turn on each other already as they moved wildly around, searching for the source of Bella's scent. We'd scattered it all over the clearing and the confusion it caused was working perfectly.

There was a very loose formation and some of them seemed to break off to try and come at us from both sides, but they were still scrambling.

I lifted my hand and motioned forward. "Now!"

It happened very swiftly then.

The wolves charged and we followed directly behind, moving swiftly and smoothly towards the army.

I'd just reached the first of the newborns and yanked off their head, before Maria gripped my arm. "There…is that her?"

I glanced toward the trees and caught the flash of red hair. She had turned around, fleeing from the scene.

It was her. Victoria.

She must have seen that we didn't have Bella here and was now turning to run away, leaving her army to its fate.

One of the other newborns — a blond male — noticed her and dashed off after her into the trees. With a sharp pang, I recognized what was happening there as I felt his desperation.

"Go," I said to Maria. "Follow that one." I pointed out the one who'd just fled. "He'll lead you to her."

Maria nodded then whistled for her own newborns before signaling that they should follow her as she made a break for the trees. They obeyed at once and I watched them disappear before I winced as one of the Seattle vampires sank her fangs into my shoulder.

I quickly turned, threw her to the ground, then broke her into several pieces in the blink of an eye.

My movements were practiced and instinctive. I slipped very easily into the violent frame of my mind I'd occupied while serving Maria.

I felt each wave of terror and anguish as I slaughtered this army, but I closed myself off to it and simply focused on getting the job done.

I kept Alice always in my peripheral and charged anyone anyone who made any attempt to attack her. She even grew frustrated that I was leaving her with so little to do and I chuckled at her.

Without her ability to see what was happening, it limited her in a way I definitely wasn't comfortable with. She was still confident, of course, but that wasn't a risk I was willing to take.

Emmett started up a fire, the scent of gasoline strong as he tossed a canister aside before he started throwing pieces in.

The wolves were incredibly efficient as they overtook many of the newborns. They were nearly as strong as the young vampires were and ripped them apart effortlessly.

The fight was over in the clearing at just around four minutes.

Alice jumped off the back of the final vampire, tossed him aside, then danced over to me. I'd begrudgingling let her have that one kill — I'd never hear the end of it if I refused her.

I looked towards the forest, where I caught a feeling of uncertainty and hopelessness. There was a straggler. A short, dark-haired girl. I moved to chase her down before stopping when I saw that Carlisle was already pursuing her.

Still poised for violence, practiced lethality running through my body, I told Alice I would check on Maria and Victoria before moving into the trees. They weren't difficult to locate and I caught them at a stand-off in a thicket of trees.

The blonde male was already dead, lying in a mangled heap on the forest floor.

Victoria had just thrown one of Maria's newborns at her feet, head disconnected from his body.

I could feel Maria's fury.

But when Victoria noticed me, I felt her sudden panic. She was completely outnumbered.

While Maria's other subordinate started gathering pieces from the blonde vampire, Maria and I rushed the redhead when she turned to make an escape. I caught her in the air and threw her back down. She landed with a crash at Maria's feet. My dark-haired creator smirked at her then gripped her head between her hands.

"You really should have learned not to go sticking your nose into places you shouldn't." Maria purred at her.

Victoria struggled a moment, but Maria was fast and it was all over in the next half second.

I walked forward as she tossed Victoria's head into the fire. She and I were as effective a team as we ever were.

"I have to let you know…it's been a pleasure working with you again, Jasper."

I could feel her fondness towards me and her longing to have me return as her right hand, but I only shook my head. "Just do what you need to do so you can head home."

She laughed as I walked off to find Alice and the others. When I came into the clearing though, I saw the dark-haired newborn straggler from earlier emerging from the forest between Carlilse and Esme. I gritted my teeth and walked faster, eyes narrowing as I intercepted them.

"Carlisle!"

This was a risk we couldn't take. The Volturi would come at some point — in fact, Alice had warned us that she'd seen a glimpse of them, that they'd finally decided to intervene — and harboring this newborn from them could be seen as a breach of their rules. I didn't want to give them any reason to view us as a collective threat. They might even believe we were responsible for this army. As an act of defiance.

I told Carlisle as much, but he was adamant about the fact that he would not stand for the child to be harmed. We argued for another moment before Esme intervened, approaching me with overflowing sympathy and kindness. It overwhelmed me and my shoulders loosened in surrender.

It made me uneasy, but what could I do in the face of their mercy? Their goodness?

I sighed. "I don't like this." I shook my head. "At least let me take charge of her. You two don't know how to deal with someone who's been running wild so long."

"Of course, Jasper." Esme nodded. "But be kind."

I rolled my eyes. "We need to be with the others."

Carlisle nodded before he led Esme past me, leaving me alone with the newborn. He trusted me to stand by my word.

I looked to the small girl, felt her many emotions. Among them were gratitude and respect — towards Carlisle. But she was uneasy now that I had been left with her.

I remained on high alert with her. Newborns were unpredictable and were capable of almost anything when panicked.

She currently had no fighting intent, that was true enough, but that wasn't why I had a problem with this. I didn't like the position this put us in. I didn't like the position it put Alice in.

I glared at the girl — the source of all of my current problems. "You there. Come with me. Don't make one rash move or I will take you down."

I felt her surge of anger at my words and my glare deepened. I showed her all of my ferocity, just daring her to cross me.

I turned to lead the way before tilting my head and glancing back at her. Seeing the burning members of her fallen coven might agitate her. Send her into a frenzy. It would be in perfect view of Calrisle too and I didn't want to have to destroy her in front of him like that.

"Close your eyes," I ordered.

She hesitated, staring up at me in confusion.

"Do it!"

The girl rebelled another moment before complying, closing her eyes with a wave of acceptance.

"Follow the sound of my voice and don't open your eyes." I commanded as I turned to walk into the field. "You look, you lose. Got it?"

She nodded then dutifully followed, feeling somehow relieved by my demands. I supposed she realized that, if I was going to kill her, I wouldn't bother taking these precautions.

I led her through the forest, careful to avoid leading her into any trees. My steps were measured and I made sure to keep my pace reasonable so that she could easily keep up.

We walked past the burning pile of the newborn coven, the smoke violet and very thick. The heavily incensed air was familiar to me, the presence of it bringing to mind the many bodies I had burned in my time working with Maria.

My family stood at the opposite line of trees, facing the north expectantly. I paused and directed the girl behind where Carlise stood. "Sit there. Eyes closed."

The girl was furious again but did as she was told. I sighed, already preparing myself for many long months working with her.

Then I tilted my head at her curiously, feeling something sad and despairing coming from her now. What was it she had experienced? What sort of pain was haunting her?

But I didn't have time to think about that. Alice flitted to my side and grasped my hand. "They're already here. The Volturi are only two minutes away," she said in a low voice and with a nervous glance at the newborn.

I wished she could see how this would all go, but with the wolves around, she was completely blind.

The wolves.

I looked to the pack. "You all need to leave. Some very powerful vampire officials are here to make sure we've cleaned up the mess. I don't think they'll appreciate our truce. They won't honor it."

Sam nodded then howled. He turned to rush into the forest and the other wolves followed. Carlisle followed their retreat with concern in his eyes — From what I could see, Jacob had been injured. But the wolves were fast healers and I was sure he'd make a full recovery, though that didn't stop people from worrying, Carlisle included.

I looked in the direction the Volturi would come and shook my head. They must have just been standing by, waiting for the fight to be over. They'd offered no assistance, so I could only assume they'd hoped some of us would be eliminated.

Maria emerged ahead with her one subordinate and reached us a few second later.

She looked first to me, then at Alice. "What's going on?"

"You remember how I mentioned the Volturi might show up to finish things off? Well, they're nearly here. Only another minute."

Maria glared in irritation, the feeling of dread and revulsion strong. "I had hoped to be far away from here when they showed. Don't want to give them any excuse to look at me or my territory. Been awhile since they've come to inspect things down south." She shook her head. "Wouldn't put it past them to blame me for the creation of this army. It was what gave that redhead the idea, after all."

"Just stick with us," I told her matter-of-factly. "A united front is best. Don't mention the wolves though. I don't want the Volturi deciding to target them."

Maria was silent a moment before nodding. She swept her glance across the rest of my family, inspecting for injuries maybe, before she saw the girl sitting behind us. "Who's that?"

"…she surrendered. Carlisle wants me to help her."

"Well there's no one more suited for that than you." She chuckled and I tried my best to let her comment slide off of me. I gritted my teeth to avoid responding.

I looked to the newborn and addressed her. "You'd better open your eyes now."

As she did, I couldn't help the wave of fear as the Volturi drew closer. I gripped Alice's hand tighter and she rubbed her hand along my arm reassuringly. I inclined my head down at her and gave her a half-smile.

But then she stiffened and nodded towards the flames. We all looked in that direction as a swirl of black intermingled with the lavender of the smoke.

"Hm…" came a youthful, musical voice.

Four cloaked figures emerged. The Volturi. They all stopped a few feet away and analyzed us. The blonde at the front was taking charge, her young face wise beyond her years.

Jane, I believed she was called, though I'd never actually seen her for myself.

What I felt from Jane was confusion and disappointment. She appeared to be trying to figure out how it was we had all stood against the army and emerged unharmed. There was a missing piece to the equation — the wolves — and it was a mystery I intended her to remain blind to.

Then I felt a new emotion from the newborn behind me. Recognition. She stared at the Volturi and seemed to know exactly who they were — as if she'd seen them before.

My eyes narrowed, hardly believing what that meant. It meant this army had been sanctioned by them. It meant they had been trying to bring us down after all.

I withheld my anger but felt myself remain tense as I redirected my attention to the vampire overlords, despising their hypocrisy.

Jane looked at the newborn and I felt her aggravation. "I don't understand."

"She has surrendered," Carlisle informed her.

I felt my anxiety return as I stared between him and Jane. He felt perfectly calm though, in the face of this threat.

"Surrendered?" Jane asked, incredulous. "There is no surrender for one who breaks the rules."

Which apparently you knew about. Which you allowed. I glared at her slightly.

Still, I hoped Carlisle had the good sense to comply now.

"That's in your hands," Carlisle replied smoothly, though I felt his sadness. "As long as she was willing to halt her attack on us, I saw no need to destroy her. She was never taught."

"That is irrelevant."

"As you wish."

Jane stared at Carlisle in frustration. I could clearly see that she had been hoping he would attempt to defy her — to give her an excuse to attack us.

But Carlisle remained compliant and I felt myself relax. I also felt frustrated with him though. I glanced at the newborn girl, now crouching and holding her head between her hands. This had all been utterly pointless. She'd been given false hope and that was worse than if we'd just ended her life in the forest.

Jane proceeded to question Carlisle about the situation, convincingly behaving as if she had no idea of the specifics. He gave her the army's numbers and she was reasonably surprised. She again felt confused as she swept her eyes over us. Her attention lingered on Maria a long moment and then I felt her recognition. She glanced between the two of us before turning her attention to the newborn again.

"You there. Your name."

The girl didn't answer and Jane smiled brightly before narrowing her eyes. A tortured scream erupted from the newborn and I tensed but remained frozen. All of us emptied our expressions and didn't allow anyone to see our aversion to the mental torture Jane was inflicting on the young vampire.

Her ability was the reason none of us could dare oppose them right now. It rendered us entirely helpless.

"Your name," she repeated.

"Bree," the girl breathed out.

Jane smiled before inflicting another waves of anguish over Bree. We all remained silent, willing this to be over. Only Maria seemed to feel unbothered by what she was seeing, though her sense of self-concern was growing by the second. She preferred to stay under the Volturi's radar with her army, walking that gray line between their rules and insurrection.

Finally, Jane ended the pain and began to question Bree. The young girl confirmed what we'd told her, giving further details as well. She mentioned that she'd been told her thoughts weren't safe and I knew she was talking about Edward. Without a doubt, they had expected him to be here.

Jane's eyes flicked over us all again and I saw her brows crease. She noticed now that one of us was missing and I knew she would ask about him.

She continued questioning Bree though, asking about her objective.

"He gave us a scent, a human scent." Bree revealed and I gritted my teeth. Great. Now the Volturi would know about Bella. "He said we would know we had the right coven because she would be with them. He said whoever got to her first could have her."

"What is she talking about?" Jane looked up at us. "What human?"

"As you've no doubt noticed, Edward is not with us." Carlisle began to explain. "He had… fallen for a human girl and, in order to preserve her and out of respect for the established rules, he severed ties before she became aware. However, he had a run-in with Victoria's mate and killed him, so she sought to avenge him by targeting the human girl."

Jane raised a brow. "And this human has no idea of any of this?"

"No, Edward was very careful."

Jane was doubtful and I watched her eyes narrow as she processed this. However, she had no way of proving us wrong. I worried that she might attempt to track Bella herself, but then felt how little she cared to do so. One human was more or less meaningless to her.

"And where is this Edward? Is he the mind reader Aro mentioned?"

Carlise nodded. "He is." Then he carefully evaded her first question. "I'm afraid I don't know where he is, exactly. Its been a little while since I've heard from him."

She felt doubtful again but still couldn't prove he was lying. She let the matter drop and went back to her questions.

Eventually she looked to Maria, who stiffened and withheld her furious feelings in response. Her expression was smooth and arrogant as ever.

"I did not expect to see you here with them, but it does help explain why you were successful. Your experience with newborns is virtually unmatched. How are things down in Texas, by the way?"

"Running as smoothly as ever," Maria replied in a flat, restrained tone. "I take great care in doing what I do."

"Hm…well, to avoid a similar situation, perhaps a visit is in order. It's been a handful of decades since we last inspected the southern territories. Have to make sure things are still up to standard, don't we?"

Maria bristled and I knew why. She was into arm's dealing now and did much of her work with the cartel out of Mexico. Humans. She was technically in breach of the rules by involving them, even if her newborns weren't a threat to our exposure.

"Of course," she answered silkily. "Stop by anytime."

Jane smiled at her then looked around the area with another sigh. "Well, it appears that there's not much left for us to do. Odd. We're not used to being rendered unnecessary. It's too bad we missed the fight. It sounds like it would have been entertaining to watch."

Too bad indeed, I thought, though my mouth stayed shut.

Jane then looked to the newborn again and felt a complete lack of interest. Boredom replaced every other emotion she'd been feeling. "Felix?" She said tonelessly to one one of the figures beside her.

"We can take responsibility for Bree," Carlise tried a final time.

Jane's boredom was temporarily replace with amusement and disbelief.

"We don't make exceptions and we don't give second chances. It's bad for our reputation." She smirked at him then. "It was nice to meet you Carlisle — I'd thought Aro was exaggerating. Well, until we meet again…"

Exagerrating his compassion, I assumed. I supposed it helped that the Volturi leaders knew him personally. They expected this sort of behavior from him.

It also reminded me that she'd never personally met him. Though he and Esme had been in Italy for a few months, standing by in case Edward changed his mind and decided to seek the Volturi out, they had not been in Volterra. They'd steered clear because Aro had the gift to read all of a person's past experiences. All their thoughts. They couldn't risk allowing him to do that unnecessarily.

Calrisle nodded at her and I felt his deep, penetrating pain over the fate of the newborn.

"Take care of that, Felix," Jane said again as she nodded at Bree. "I want to go home."

Felix didn't hesitate to approach Bree. Bree remained very still, looking up at him with acceptance. She felt no fear and I felt my eyes drawn to hers as she waited for her coming death.

I felt an unexpected admiration then. There was something special about her. Something Carlise had seen. Something he was gifted to see. It wasn't typical for a newborn to so serenely face their destruction. To have the level of control she had. Frenzied self-preservation was everything.

Goodbye, Bree. I thought. My face softened and when she spared one, swift, grateful glance in our direction, I knew that Carlisle's sparing her had not been a waste at all. In her short time, she'd been able to experience true compassion from someone. She'd been able to see what true goodness was. And now she was able to face her death nobly.

She caught my expression and the tiny smile of farewell I offered.

Then she faced forward, closed her eyes, and in another swift motion she was was gone. She was torn apart the way the other had been and thrown into flames. She didn't even cry out in anguish.

Alice leaned her head against my shoulder, face contorted in sympathy. I leaned her head against hers as we watched the Volturi go.

I breathed out in relief as soon as their presence vanished.

Maria, though, was still tense and infuriated. "Seems you've gotten me into some trouble, Jasper. This could cause a lot of problems for me."

"It could be awhile yet before they go to check on you," I told her. "You'll have plenty of time to make preparations and cover your tracks."

The Volturi had all the time in the world to fulfill their agendas and they tended to drag their feet unless the matter was pressing.

"Great. So I'll be waiting with bated breath for an unknown span of time." She rolled her eyes.

"…I do appreciate your help, you know." I felt compelled to show her some gratitude. To try and diffuse some of her agitation.

"Yes, I know." She put a hand on her hip. "And it did feel good to end that redhead's life."

She held her eyes on me a long moment before looking to Alice. She sighed in longing before turning to her subordinate. "Come along then, Santiago. We're done here."

When she left with a final glance at me, I felt myself relax further, though something prodded at the back of my mind.

I didn't like that Volturi were now looking at Texas, where Edward currently resided, entirely unaware of what had happened here. Vitalia and her family too…they could be seen as liabilities if the Volturi somehow figured out where he was. Aro was always interested in gathering new recruits with special talents and Edward being alone could be seen as an irresistible opportunity.

"I think you should keep on eye on the Volturi," I told her. "For any decisions to head to Texas. We'll need to give Edward a heads up before that happens."

"Yes," Alice nodded solemnly. "I will absolutely be looking for that."

I knew Maria. Knew that, if she were ever in serious trouble, she would use anything to get out of it, including an offer to help take all of us out. Or an offer to track down Edward and bring him to Aro herself.

[Vitalia]

After the rodeo, we stood in a circle in the parking lot, discussing the evening. Emma and Chad stood wrapped up in each other and she was beaming every time he looked at her. It seemed they were getting serious.

Rob and Danny were in some sort of serious debate with each other about which rider deserved the top spot and both Mat and Eddy were super quiet.

Eddy was even avoiding my gaze. I could tell. I kept trying to read his face, but he seemed shut off or something.

There was something he'd shown me during the rodeo when I'd talked about my future plans. Some infinitely exciting thing that had me feeling curious. I felt eager to explore what it had meant. To inspire that same look again.

I glanced at Mat and he gave me a tight smile. He seemed to have something on his mind too.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked. I always preferred the direct approach.

He stared at me a long minute before sighing. "I don't know…but I think there's something we need to talk about. You wanna get something to eat?"

Uh-oh. I felt my head scrambling to figure out where this was coming from. He'd seemed fine earlier.

"Um…" I looked at Eddy again. "Well, we drove here together. Maybe tonight's not the-"

"It's fine. You should go with him."

I startled as Eddy unexpectedly spoke. "I'll drive your car home," he continued. "You can catch a ride with Matias later."

I blinked then looked back at Mat, who nodded in agreement.

I sighed. "Alright, then I guess it's fine. Why not?"

I gave him a shaky smile before turning to set my keys in Eddy's waiting hand. "Can you let my parents know?"

"Of course." His eyes briefly flicked to mine and I could see he was conflicted about something. He glanced to Mat before turning and walking away.

Whatever was on Mat's mind, I assumed Eddy knew about it. I felt an urge from deep in my gut to avoid this uncomfortable situation, but I determinedly turned back to my boyfriend and pushed the feeling back down. "Ready to go?"

He led the way to his car and we drove in silence before he pulled up in front of a diner and stepped out. I stared up at the building as I hopped down from the truck, loving the retro vibe.

We walked in and I turned in a small circle, gazing at all the neon light and the rows of red booths. There were some metal bar stools at the counter, where some people were sitting sipping coffee and chattering away with the staff. There was a jukebox in the corner too, playing some 60's song.

"This place is great!" I said to Mat, forgetting about the awkwardness between us a minute. It was like stepping back in time.

I considered then that Eddy had seen so many of these different eras. Had lived them. That was beyond cool!

"Yeah, it's one of my favorites." Mat quirked a smile. "My dad and I come here on Sundays after church sometimes."

"That's awesome."

We were led over to a booth by a window, with a good view of a traffic light at the crosswalk. I scanned the menu before ordering myself a large order of fries and a rootbeer float.

Matias got a cheeseburger and a strawberry malt shake.

He tapped his fingers on the table and I mostly stared out the window. I was relieved when our food arrived so I could do something with my hands, because sitting in tense silence so wasn't my thing.

I took my time eating some fries as he ate his burger. As he chewed, he still seemed pretty deep in thought, and I felt confused all over again. What was happening?

When he finished eating, I decided to get things moving along. I was ready to move past whatever this was.

"So…you wanted to talk?" I prompted.

He grabbed a napkin and wiped the grease off his hands before sighing and lifiting his dark gaze to mine. He sighed then nodded.

"Yeah, I…" he drummed his fingers over the table and pursed his lips. "I was kind of watching you with Edward tonight. I couldn't really help noticing how… close you two are."

I shrugged. "I mean, he's a really good friend. Of course we're close."

"I get that, but…I don't know. Sort of seemed like more than that."

"More than friendship?" I raised a brow but felt something a little bit similar to panic. It sent my heart rate skyrocketing.

He slowly nodded. "It was definitely obvious from him. The way he looks at you. But it's also the way you look at him…are you really not feeling anything more there?"

I opened my mouth to immediately deny it, but the continued patience on Mat's face stopped me.

For the first time, I let my mind actually go there. Eddy wasn't around, so he couldn't catch me thinking about it.

What I felt…what I felt was that he was the most exciting, most incredible person I'd ever met. There were so many layers of depth that it felt almost impossible to really explore them all. But I found myself wanting to dive in and attempt it anyway.

From the moment we'd met, I'd believed that getting to know him would be a great adventure. And it was an adventure I very much wanted to go on. I knew we challenged each other. Inspired each other. I wanted to continue to help him find the light he'd been searching for all this time. I wanted to be there to see the day when he finally saw himself the way I did — that he was worthy and redeemable and wonderful. He was searching for something meaningful to do with his immortal life and I was determined to help him find it.

Mat had to be misreading things though. I knew Edward didn't feel that way about me. How could he? He was very devoted to Bella, even in death. Besides, my life was going to be very short compared to his. What sort of future could we even have?

I focused on Matias again and sighed. "I might be, but…it's complicated. Honestly, I've been trying not to think about it. Can't even let myself go there. Not really. I feel like moving on might be the best thing to do."

"Is that why you decided to date me?"

My eyes fell for half a second before I continued with the honesty. "Partly, I guess. But it wasn't just that. I do actually like you."

He smiled a little and stared into his pink shake before he looked at me again, eyes narrowing in thought. "…but you like him more."

It wasn't a question. I had to think about it though. Mat was so sweet and kind. He was a pretty ideal boyfriend and I had no complaints.

But something was missing. Something I felt was necessary for me. There were no thrills with him. Nothing that filled me with wonder or curiosity.

I wanted those things. They were things Eddy had.

I'd been trying to convince myself that Mat was the person I should want, but something deep inside of me just wasn't following along.

I felt my heart tighten and I nodded, hating that my answer might hurt him. But he deserved my honesty. I cared about him too much to downplay it.

I also recognized what my answer meant. It meant that things were over between me and Mat.

"Does he know?" He asked after a tense pause.

"Nope." I dabbed my straw in my rootbeer float.

"You going to tell him?"

I sighed before shaking my head and looking up. "…not yet. He only lost Bella three months ago, so if anything could happen between us, it definitely won't be right now. It'll take awhile."

Even then though…did I really want to invite all of the complications that would come from an actual relationship with him? Was I strong enough for that?

I took a long sip of my fizzy, sweet drink before I let go of the straw and reached across the table to grab Mat's hand. "I'm sorry. Really. I kinda wanted to see what would happen here with us."

He smiled crookedly. "Well, you already had your doubts about it. Your dreams for your future…" he gripped my hand more fiercely. "They're awesome, Vi. I think you should totally go for it. But I know that life isn't for me. Even if Edward wasn't a thing…who knows if we could've made this work long term?"

My brows creased in regret. "We might've figured something out."

"Yeah, I was all for trying. But…that was before, you know? This is different. I don't want to come second."

"That's fair," I stroked his thumb. "You're a good guy, Mat. Any girl would be lucky to have you."

His smile widened, showing the dimple in his cheek. He was such a cutie. "I just hope I can find what you have. I don't know if you're fully aware yet, but it's really something. It's special, what you've got with him."

"…that's nice of you to say."

I figured he was right, but I still wasn't sure I'd ever go for it. If Eddy would ever be ready for that.

Matias gave my hand a final squeeze before sitting back. "I'll take you home now, if you're ready?"

"Sure. Just let me get a to go cup for my float. You should get one too. You haven't even touched your shake."

"Yeah…I don't know why I thought I'd be in the mood for it." He motioned a hand as he stood. "I'll grab them though. Hang tight."

I nodded and watched him go, feeling that tightness in my chest again. I hated that we hadn't been able to make something work, but this also seemed like the right move. All those reservations I'd had about him had been weighing me down and now, as badly as I felt for him, I felt that weight being lifted.

I huffed out a breath though and sat back, eyes going back to the window. I needed to get my thoughts together before we got back to the ranch, because I didn't want Eddy knowing about this little conversation. He'd ask, I knew he would, and he'd wonder why Mat and I had ended things. He'd probably even already heard Mat's opinions about it….but that didn't mean I couldn't lock my response down tight.

I knew that Eddy might blame himself for this and that he'd be tempted to go running off. I didn't want that to happen, so I'd give this plenty of time.

I pushed all of this very far from my mind and focused instead on all the other reasons why Mat and I hadn't worked out.

I could do this. I was good at forcing unwanted thoughts away.