Hey guys, did a rewatch of OFMD the other day. I can confirm that it still gives me all the feels. And I've had this series idea to write since my first watch of S2. I just felt like there were a few conversations that needed to happen, which may have happened off screen, but we don't really know to be honest, and so I've decided to write a few of these to satisfy my own need.
The first one takes place immediately after S1 finishes, just after Stede finds them abandoned on the rock/island. There will be at least two others that will be written and posted at a later date.
Let me know if you liked this one. Much love xox

XOXOXOXOXOX

It wasn't news exactly to hear how much he'd hurt Ed, he'd realised as much, but to hear it confirmed by his crew – or rather the portion of the crew that he had found abandoned on that rock – people that he had grown close with, well, it made him feel quite ill.

Which was to say, that the nausea and dizziness he felt had nothing to do with the way their little dinghy rocked about on the surface of the ocean as they slowly rowed toward the Republic of Pirates. But it certainly had everything to do with the way that Oluwande tried to put it to him gently about what an awful thing he'd done.

"He was pretty messed up, you could see he was heartbroken," well maybe not gentle in words, but at least his tone was.

And of course, then Black Pete had piped up to add, "Yeah, he was distraught, moping around in one of your fancy gowns, even made Lucius write down lyrics from inside some kind of cloth fort. Which he wasn't supposed to tell me about, but like, we tell each other everything, so…" Pete shrugged smugly, only for his demeanour to sour the next moment, "and then Blackbeard stranded us on that rock, without Lucius I might add!"

"Where they tried to eat me!" squeaked The Swede, pointing his finger mostly at Buttons and Roach, who he had sat himself as far away from as possible.

Everyone started speaking over each other at that point, defending their actions, or defending The Swede, or something else entirely, Stede wasn't really listening anymore. Usually he'd tell them to calm down and speak one at a time to sort out the issue, but he was too busy wringing his hands together, lost in his thoughts of Ed.

He imagined Ed in Stede's pink floral gown, the one that Ed had seemed to be fond of, singing about his feelings in front of the whole crew. It would have made him smile if it wasn't so depressing, knowing that it was him that was the reason that Ed was hurting so badly. Clearly he wasn't thinking straight either, to abandon most of the crew like that, surely there was a good explanation.

Even that seemed obvious though, didn't it? Ed was upset, 'distraught' and 'heartbroken' the men had said, and people did awful things when they were in a bad frame of mind. Stede should know, his own guilt and willingness to believe that he was a terrible person – a monster and a plague, as Chauncey had put it – was what had brought them all to that point in the first place.

Oh, how he wished he could have done things differently. He'd needed to set things straight with his family, that was not in question, but he regretted leaving the way he did. If only he'd have done things differently, Stede might've been able to avoid hurting more people in his life, especially the man he loved.

Olu speaking directly to him snapped Stede out of his stupor, "What did you do to him, Captain?"

"Oh, uh," Stede floundered, unsure of what, and how much, to say, "um, well, you see…"

Before he could figure it out though, Wee John spoke up, "We thought you were dead when he came back alone," everyone nodded and murmured in agreement, done squabbling for now and more interesting in listening to Stede's drama again.

"True, but it became clear fairly quickly that death wasn't the case," Olu continued, "though he never said what happened, mostly he just sulked in his, uh, your, cabin. We figured whatever it was, it was bad, and you didn't seem to be coming back."

"I…I," Stede bowed his head and sighed, "the truth is, I was confused and scared, and I listened to the wrong person," he squeezed his eyes shut, hands balling into fists, "I left without telling Ed anything…and I know it was the wrong thing to do," he hurried to add before anyone could interrupt, otherwise he might not be able to get it all out without crying, "but at the time it made sense, and I was at least able to set one important thing right in my life," he sighed more heavily that time, feeling quite miserable, "unfortunately it seems to be at the cost of another."

"So you broke up with him?" this from Roach, breaching the silence left by Stede finishing his explanation.

"No!" Stede exclaimed without any thought, "I mean…were we an item? Did he think that?"

"I think it was pretty clear to everyone on the ship that that was the situation, Captain," Olu explained with a light pat to Stede's shoulder.

"Yes, I knew," The Swede interjected with his hand raised.

"Aye, Cap'n," Buttons nodded, "I woulda told ya, but I didn't think it needed sayin', even Karl knew…before his untimely demise," a sniffle followed his words.

"Oh, I see," Stede felt even more like an idiot now. How was he to know all this though? He'd never been in love, nor had he really ever experienced it in any area of his life, he'd had no reference. If it weren't for Mary having helped him piece it together, he wasn't sure he'd still be any the wiser. "Well, um, in that case, I suppose I'd consider this more of a break without the 'up'. Just a pause, you know."

The crew looked at each other sceptically, and Wee John posed the question, "D'you think Blackbeard knows that?"

"I think it's safe to say that he does not," Pete confirmed what everyone seemed to be thinking, including Stede.

"He was really torn up, Captain, I'm not sure if this is repairable, it definitely seemed like a break up to him," Olu grimaced.

"I'm sure that once I explain everything, Ed will understand," Stede said with faux confidence, no one was fooled though.

"Blackbeard doesn't exactly have the reputation of being understanding," Pete reminded them.

"Y-you don't think he'll forgive me?" Stede asked, voice wavering, almost afraid of the answer he was certain to get.

No one answered, not that they needed too, it was obvious what they thought, instead they shook their heads and looked away.

Stede's heart sunk further from his stomach, all the way down through the bottom of the dinghy. He'd really fucked things up, he knew that, and he was even more acutely aware of it now, but he couldn't accept that there was no way back to where they had been, to that beach where Ed had kissed him.

Touching his fingers to his lips, remembering the feel of Ed's lips against his, Stede mustered his courage and determination, and decided, "Well I'm going to try my darnedest anyway. He at least deserves an explanation, if nothing else. I'm sure once we make it to the Republic of Pirates it won't take us too long to figure this all out."

"Sure, Captain," Olu humoured him, patting his shoulder again.

The crew might not have confidence, but they also didn't know Ed quite like he did, he wouldn't lose hope. Stede loved Edward Teach, and he was determined to make sure that the man knew that, one way or another.

Stede cast his gaze out over the vast blue of the ocean and whispered, "I'm coming, Ed, I promise."