After the Kiss

by Padfoot-Moony-Pronglet

This long one-shot is the aftermath of the kiss between Beck and Tori in the pilot episode. Trigger warnings inside.

p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"strongAuthor's/strong strongNote/strong: This story is set immediately after the kiss in the pilot episode between Tori and Beck. It is a bit of a long ride./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"strongspan style="text-decoration: underline;"TRIGGERS:/span/strong Sexual Abuse, Physical Abuse, Angst, Hurt/Comfort/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"em"Kiss me."/em/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"em"Little weird, let's do it."/em/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck Oliver followed through with what he said, reaching out an arm to hold onto the side of Tori Vega's face as they both leaned in for a kiss. He had become completely involved in the improv exercise. And maybe, for a fleeting moment, it had occurred to him that this would also be petty revenge for what Jade had done to Tori the previous day during their improv exercise. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Once they had broken apart, and Tori turned away to face the rest of the students, and exclaimed, "Man, I love this school!", it was as if he had been drenched in ice cold water, as the realisation of what he had just done hit. While the rest of the class's applause rang loud in his ears, he closed his eyes for a moment, unbelievably ashamed of himself. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"He reopened his eyes quickly, glancing around to catch Jade West's eyes, to convey to her it was a mistake, that he knew he had screwed up, and probably fed into some of her insecurities. Insecurities that she had trusted him with. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"They had been going out together for just under three years, but it had taken the better half of that time to get to where they were now. Jade didn't trust easily, and her horrible childhood had not set her up for sincere, lasting, relatively healthy relationships – she had not had role-model relationships around her… if anything, she had examples of what emnot/em to do./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Her face was stone cold, a mask that her remarkable acting skills allowed her to portray to the outside world. Despite how long he had known her for, her expression was so closed off that even he couldn't read her eyes. A pang of emsomething/em went through him – despite their many petty arguments over the course of their relationship, and even before – once he had managed to gain her trust, she rarely ever was so closed off that he couldn't see some expression in her face, even if it was fury covering whatever else she may be feeling. He had clearly managed to fracture whatever trust he had gained, all in a matter of moments, with a stupid, meaningless kiss. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"As he got down from the stage, veering towards Jade, who was avoiding making eye contact, the school bell rang, indicating end of class. As students started gathering their things, Jade grabbed her bag and headed off. He chased after her, not even stopping to grab his bag, biting his tongue to stop himself from calling out to her, knowing this conversation didn't need the rest of the student body's attention to be drawn to it. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"He knew that this wouldn't be like their typical arguments. He had crossed a line that he wasn't sure he would be able to come back from with Jade. Self-loathing and disgust at himself seared through him. They had spoken about stage kisses in the past, knowing that with both of them pursuing the arts, and particularly acting, that they needed to find middle ground without hindering their career or adversely affecting their relationship. And they had. They had agreed that any scripted actions were something they would just have to weather through. If one had an issue, in the future, with how intimate a scripted part was, they would discuss it prior to both agreeing to the part. Neither wanted their professional actions to hurt the other, or their relationship, in their personal lives. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"He had just gone and thrown all of that out the window. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"He tried to keep Jade within his line of sight, but with all the students in the hallways of Hollywood Arts, he lost track of her. He went to their usual haunts, checking the janitor's closet, Blackbox Theatre, and then checked outside to see if he could see her anywhere there. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"As he went through the school, he kept trying to think of what he could say to her to explain how the kiss meant absolutely nothing, and just how much he regretted kissing Tori. He had not only betrayed Jade, but had done so in front of their entire class. He wasn't sure if there was anything he would be able to say that would maybe get Jade to give him another chance, and that thought left him breathless with pain coursing through him. For Jade, who trusted a very, very small number of people, and almost no-one completely, save for maybe him, the kiss was a deeper hurt, deeper betrayal than for most. She had trusted him not to hurt her, trusted him all those times when they had argued about the 'flirting' between him and varied other girls. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"He had always maintained he didn't flirt with them, that he was just being polite, and had even upfront told several of them that he was in a relationship, once Jade and him had a particularly severe argument, which showed him just how hurt she was every time she caught him in a somewhat compromising position – with several girls in his car, him giving them a ride to school, or letting them run their hands over his hair. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"As he slowed down his pace, and started walking outside, where they normally ate lunch, he glanced everywhere hoping to find her, despite not even knowing if she was still at school. He had driven her in today, but that didn't mean she hadn't walked off or gotten the bus. As classes were still going on, he seemed to be the only student around, making it a lot easier to catch sight of her sitting in a corner along one of the walls in the shadow of the building behind her, with her knees pulled up to her chest, and her head resting on her arms. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"As he ran over to her, he realised that her small, curled up body was shaking slightly, and he knew that she had come here, hoping he wouldn't catch up to her. If she had wanted to speak to him, she would've been in the janitor's closet. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Once he reached her, he automatically went to touch her, his first thought whenever she was distraught. Just as he was about to touch her, he hesitated, but then sat next to her, and lightly tried to wrap his arm around her./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""Jade… I'm so sorry" he said, hoarsely. Seeing her this upset over something he had done erased all the words he had been thinking of saying to her. All he could think of was the hurt he had caused her. She stiffened but didn't look up or raise her head. She tried shaking his arm off her, and he tightened his hold. If she told him she didn't want him to touch her, he would let her go, but for right now she needed comfort and while she probably didn't want it from him, there was no-one else around./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""Leave me alone, Beck," Jade in a low, cold tone. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck flinched, but responded softly, "It meant nothing to me. I know I shouldn't have done it, it wasn't scripted, and it was stupid, and I wasn't thinking. I know I hurt you."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade pulled back from him even more, this time harshly shrugging off his arm from around her. She didn't respond in anyway to what he had said, and he realised that the damage done to their relationship was probably even deeper than he had initially realised. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Normally, he would be able to encourage her to open up to him, even if it was due to her quick temper. But normally, he wasn't the reason for her to be so completely closed off – sometimes it was her family, or other students, or varied other reasons. But not him, directly./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck murmured, pain underlying his words, "Jade, I love you, and I know I screwed up. I kissed her, in front of the whole class and I know that I've probably lost your trust. I'm sorry, and I swear it won't happen again." He was disgusted with his actions, but also how inadequate he felt his apology seemed. How could he convey to her just how much he regretted what had happened, when he could barely express that to her in words?/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade remained silent, looking away from Beck, not acknowledging he had even spoken. He had been expecting some yelling, cursing, an explosive argument, something, emanything/em. Somehow, thisem nothing /emwas worse./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"At her silence he grew even more anxious, running a hand through his hair. "Please, just say something, anything. Yell at me, swear at me, just say emsomething/em!"/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Her body shuddered for a moment, before she raised her head and looked directly at Beck. He saw her arms tightening around herself. He subconsciously held his breath, waiting for whatever words she would condemn him with. "What is there to say Beck? I knew this was coming. I just thought you would at least wait until you'd broken up with me before you went after another girl."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"As Beck went to refute her words, shaking his head in denial of what she'd said, he raised his hand slowly, so she could move away if she preferred to avoid Beck's touch, and moved few strands of her hair behind her ear, so he could see her face clearly, as he spoke his next words. "No! I don't want to break up with you or want anyone else. You know I love you, Jade! You're all I want. I made a horrible mistake, and I don't expect you to be willing to forgive me, but I need you to know that it didn't mean anything." Towards the end, his voice broke at the thought of her not forgiving him, but what did Beck expect? He knew Jade's background, and knew what betraying her trust would mean, and he still did it. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Her eyes lost some of the blankness that had closed off her features. Pain and distrust were visible, and Beck was painfully aware just how difficult it would be to heal her trust in him. Even if she didn't want to be emwith/em him, he still wanted to remain a friend to her, despite knowing just how difficult that would be, knowing what he would be missing. But any of Jade would be better than none of her, and Beck wasn't prepared to break any more of his promises to her. He would still be there for her, no matter what. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""I don't know that I can trust you, Beck. I believe you that you think it was a mistake. But if you want someone else, then there's no need for us to do this – emus – /emanymore. Why would you have kissed her if you didn't want to? Some part of you did, and I can't do this with you, of all people. I trusted you. I really was starting to believe you when you said you would not hurt me. And you, of all people, know why trust is so hard for me."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck grabbed his hair with both hands, roughly gripping it in distress. "I don't want anyone else. I've only ever wanted emyou/em! I wasn't thinking, it was a mistake, a stupid, dumb, emmeaningless /emmistake and I know, I emknow/em that I've hurt you, that I've broken that trust. But please, Jade, you have to know that you're all I want. If… if you can't give me another chance, please at least know that I didn't do it because I wanted someone else." There were a couple of tears that were at the edge of his lower eyelids, about to fall as he admitted to his fault. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""Then why did you do it?" Jade asked, frustrated. Why throw away their relationship if he didn't want someone else?! /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck, still gripping his hair, lowered his eyes, unable to meet hers as he admitted the petty reason. Lying hadn't even crossed his mind, despite knowing the damage his next words would probably cause. She would never give him a second chance after this. But they had always done their best to at least not blatantly lie about anything serious to each other. And she deserved the truth, despite how despicable it made him look. "I – I really wasn't thinking, I swear I didn't consciously decide to go ahead and kiss her. B…But as it was happening, it crossed my mind that it would be tit-for-tat for yesterday's coffee incident."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"He squeezed his eyes shut, not willing to see the effect of his words on the girl he loved with all his heart. He knew he was out of line, that the coffee incident and the kiss were in different leagues of retaliation. He knew he had hurt her even more, and hated himself for it but he couldn't bear to witness it. He knew that the guilt would eat him alive, if he had withheld any of it from her anyway. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"She inhaled sharply at his words, and retorted, "Dropping the coffee on her head, is completely different to emkissing/em her, in front of everyone, but what's worse is not only did you humiliate me in front of everyone, but you also let her use you for her revenge on me. You played into it, and it worked. I hope you're happy, because I can't see us coming back from this."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"He whispered, brokenly, tears now openly running down his face, "Of emcourse/em I'm not happy! I've lost the best part of my life because of the worst decision I've made to date. I didn't intend to be apart of her revenge on you. It was a fleeting thought, and I know you don't deserve what I did. If – if this is it for us, I hope you'll let me at least be there for you as a friend, if nothing else. I know I've betrayed you, but please let me at least earn back your trust. I don't want to stop being there for you, if you'll let me."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade sighed heavily, and hesitated before reaching out to wipe some of the tears from Beck's face. "I need some time, Beck. I can't make this decision, when it's all so fresh. Just, please give me some time. And, despite everything, I do love you, and that's making this all harder. I didn't think you'd ever do this. You knew that this was one of my dealbreakers. I need to think if it's worth risking this again."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck had looked up when Jade had reached out to rest her hand along his cheek, wiping his tears. Despite everything, a small flare of hope was ignited in him that she wasn't calling it quits on him just yet. If she wanted to take time, then maybe there was still a chance for them?/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""Of course, take all the time you need. I'm sorry for making you question whether you can trust me or not. Know that I'll never do anything to betray you or hurt you like this, either way," Beck swore to Jade, grateful that she was going to think it through before making her decision. There may still be a chance for them, and if he was graced with it, he would hold onto her, without letting her go again. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade got up silently, nodded at him, and started towards the building closest to them. She would go to the bathroom, make sure she was put together, and then head to the remainder of her classes, with her head held high. As the thought of that morning went through her mind, embarrassment went through her at how the class – and by now, probably the whole school had heard of it – had seen her boyfriend kiss another girl, right in front of her, and everyone had cheered. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"It showed her, more than anything, her position on where she stood within the school but also Beck's friends. At one time, she had been convinced that they were her friends too (not that she would ever admit that out loud), but today had shown her that that wasn't the case. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat Valentine was probably the exception, as Jade had known her longer than any of the others, and they had been through a lot together. Cat was a special case, and while she was more observant and intuitive than most gave her credit for, she was also quite innocent and childlike. Cat had always held a soft spot in Jade's heart, and while Jade would never admit it, she did look out for Cat as much as she could. However, some social norms passed Cat by, and Jade didn't entirely blame her for not thinking of Jade when Beck had kissed Tori Vega on stage in class earlier that day. Jade couldn't hold much against Cat, once she had calmed down, even if she had been genuinely hurt by the younger girls' actions. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Andre Harris was exceptionally talented and while Jade normally considered Andre as Beck's best friend, over the course of her relationship with Beck, she had gotten on friendly terms with Andre as well. They would occasionally do an assignment together, and she appreciated what Andre brought to the table in terms of talent. But she had seen Andre chase after Tori the day before when she'd spilt iced coffee all over her during class. She realised that if it was Tori VS Jade, Andre would most likely take Tori's side. She knew she scared Andre and Robbie, and while most days she found that not only flattering, but amusing as well, she knew that probably meant Andre probably didn't consider her more than a package deal with Beck. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Robert 'Robbie' Shapiro was another one that she had known for a long time, well before she'd met Andre and Beck but after she met Cat. Cat liked Robbie, and so by extension Robbie received some of the protection Jade extended to Cat. Jade didn't particularly like or dislike him (though Rex, his ventriloquist doll she hated with a passion, and had been witnessed disposing of him multiple times to no permanent avail). Robbie only ever said what he genuinely thought via Rex. The laughter and cheering earlier had rung through her ears, despite her leaving the classroom as soon as possible after the bell had rung. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"She didn't think Beck's friends could consider her so disposable, but maybe after they had seen him kiss the new girl, maybe they thought she was Jade's replacement, and they didn't need to maintain loyalty ties to her, if Beck didn't as well./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"She went to her locker, exchanged books, and went to the library to wait out the time until the next bell. She didn't want to walk in partway through a class, and have all attention turn her way. She had experienced enough humiliation that she could endure for the day. She went through the motions for her next class, took notes as required, and participated as little as she could get away with. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Her mind was still playing back the kiss, analysing it, as much as apart of her wished it could be erased. She was tormenting herself with it, comparing how Beck was with Tori compared to how he kissed her. She knew Beck was wrecked with guilt over it, and she had heard him out after class, but it didn't ease her fears and insecurities. Not completely. She had always known that Beck deserved better than her. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Her childhood had made for a complicated teenage girl. Her parents had split up while she was young, and she could vividly recall just how unhealthy and toxic their relationship had gotten to prior to them calling it quits. There had been cheating, arguing, fighting and the occasional drunken hits and bouts of neglect directed at each other and herself. Once they had both decided on a split, there had been arguments over who got custody of their young child, and Jade had overheard the impossibly loud arguments on so many occasions. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Eventually, she was shuffled between both her parents as they deemed convenient, and she had gotten accustomed to the arrangement. Until each of her parents had found alternative partners (while at different times, it was all still within a year of the other finding a new spouse). While Jade could occasionally have a civil conversation or interaction with his dads most recent partner, her mother's partners over the years had instilled in her paranoia and fear, which eventually culminated into the persona she wore as her shield today. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"There had been three over the course of her middle school years, and until she had entered into Hollywood Arts. While the first one, Alex, had been fairly decent, as much as Jade could recall, she had never developed anything beyond civility for him. Her mother and Alex lasted for a bit over a year, and then broke up. Jade never paid too much attention to why either of her parents' relationships never worked, as the partners were either fleeting or required her to actually spend time with them, something she avoided as much as possible. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Her mother's second partner, Charles, had hurt her after her mom and him had begun dating exclusively. He had had a look in his eyes every time she had glanced at him and caught him staring at her. She had been wary of him and tried to avoid ever being by herself with him. However, there was only so much she could do when her mother allowed him to sleep over occasionally, which developed to him being over so much he was practically living there. He had eventually managed to get her alone with him, without her mother being present and had touched her inappropriately for the first time when she had been 11 years old. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Over time, it had escalated, and his confidence seemed unmatched when he eventually raped her when she was two months short of her 12supth/sup birthday. She had thought about going to her mom to explain what was going on and had tried staying with her dad as much as possible, but at the time her dad's partner had wanted her infrequently, while she had wanted regular time to get out of her mother's household. Combined with her dad's frequent business trips, and she was forced to remain at her mothers. She had been threatened into silence by Charles, and combined with her fear of being discarded by either of her parents – as they had shuffled her throughout the years to the other parent, whenever she became inconvenient or unwanted – she remained quietly suffering. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"It was over this time her shield strengthened, she took a liking to darker colours, and started to rebel against the parents who had turned a blind eye to her suffering. They thought random coloured streaks were something to look down in disdain – she went and purchased multiple, coloured extensions. They disliked all the typical facial piercings – she went and looked up any piercing parlours that would take on a teenaged girl without parental consent. She knew they disproved of tattoos, so she went found one who wouldn't care for her age. She started taking on an attitude, seeing as being good, studious, diligent and as easy going as possible did her no good with either parent, or their partners, and she still ended up raped on a regular basis, despite all her methods of trying to avoid coming back to her mother's. All her fear, hurt, pain and fury at the world was turned into the angry, sarcastic and dark shield she presented to the rest of the world. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Charles was dumped for a reason or other that Jade paid little attention to beyond experiencing a great amount of relief. Things settled down a little after he had left, and she was able to allow herself enough exposure to audition for Hollywood Arts. 6 months went by, and Jade was grateful for the reprieve, and had slowly been less anxious about going home. There were still many flashbacks and Jade realised she had developed an aversion to all touch, of the male and female persuasion. But despite this, while Jade would never again consider her mother's household a 'safe place', she was at least able to go home after school without attempting to waste excessive amounts of time to avoid the other occupants. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"When her mother had then met her most recent partner, Adrian, Jade had been on edge for weeks on end, paranoid and wary this would be another person who would endeavour to hurt her. Her fear made her quick temper flare easier than ever before, throw sharp words around like knives and just in general be a lot more difficult than her mother had ever encountered. Jade never knew what started it, but it seemed like Adrian eventually lost all patience and the first chance he got when Jade's mother wasn't around – which took at least 6 weeks after they were officially dating, as Jade was so, so careful to avoid being home without her mother present – he ended up raising a hand to her, slapping her after one of her sarcastic comments. He diverted all blame to her, angrily saying "if only you hadn't pushed so many buttons. You're a loud mouthed, rude, arrogant and a problem-child. If only you were a good child, I wouldn't have lost my temper and needed to do that," gesturing to her red, and somewhat swelling cheek, where he had slapped her. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"She avoided school the next two days, feigning ill and used make up for the remainder of the bruise being present. She did get odd looks here or there, but made sure to avoid her mother, and the house for as many hours a day. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"She took on extra classes, extra curriculars – anything she could to not be home. She had also convinced her father, who was very comfortably wealthy, to pay for any extra classes she wanted, so she took on dance, acting, singing and writing classes. These all kept her as preoccupied as she could, and she always obtained the best grades across all her subjects, arts and academics. Jade's first incident with Adrian was not her last, not by a long shot. It became an almost regular occurrence whenever her mother was otherwise occupied – sometimes even within the house, and when Jade was finally home whether late in the evening or on the weekends. Adrian had become a lot more careful of where he left marks, not wanting for her mother – or anyone else – to become suspicious./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"When Cat had met Jade, they both had their own personal issues going on, which may have helped each of them take the other under their wing. They became fairly protective of each other, though Jade rarely allowed Cat an opportunity, or a need, to express this. However, there were times where Jade needed a break from all her focus on her studies and extra curriculars so she and Cat would spend time at a park that was midway from Cat's place and from Jade's mom's place. It gave her another excuse to be out, and sometimes, though not often, she would go to Cat's place and if Cat could convince her, she would sometimes sleepover and have a reprieve from the pain her own household contained. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Over the years, Jade had doubted whether her mother was aware of what either Charles or Adrian did to her. There were times where she completely cut that train of thought off, and others, particularly when she was in a darker headspace, wondered how it was possible her mother emwasn't /emaware of the terror her own daughter was living with due to her partners. Weren't mothers supposed to have some kind of maternal instinct telling them when their children were hurt or there was something wrong? What kind of mother couldn't emsee/em what was going on right under her nose?/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"With Adrian firmly a part of her mother, and by extension Jade's life, Jade was accepted and started at Hollywood Arts, at fourteen. That's where she met Beck, and after several months they became friends rather than acquaintances. Eventually, with Beck's never-ending patience and her own growing feelings of attachment, they became a couple. It was very slow going, and took an extremely long, and in Jade's opinion, ridiculous amount of time until she was able to handle Beck touching her without obvious warning. Jade recalled the immense happiness that shot across his face when she started reaching out for him, and the first time he reached out to her without her seeing, and she didn't flinch from fear of an unwanted touch. Beck had leaned in for a passionate kiss, unable to help himself. When they broke away for air, Beck whispered a 'thank you' that only Jade heard and understood. The genuine, heartfelt thanks erased any feelings of inadequacy due to being unable to allow Beck something so simple for so long./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"It took an even longer period of time for Beck and Jade to become intimate physically. While Jade had never entirely opened up to Beck about why she was so wary of all touches, he soon started seeing marks on her skin whenever they became more passionate with each other. The first time Jade had been making out with Beck in his RV while Beck started reaching under her shirt, after looking into Jade's eyes and seeing her nod in permission, he inched it up and as he kept his eyes on Jade, he didn't initially see any marks. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"But when he moved to kiss her neck, and his hands gently started exploring her stomach, and reaching further, he realised Jade had stiffened unexpectedly. He immediately stopped touching her and put a bit of distance between them, still more than aware of his girlfriend's issues with touch – even though his touch was usually not an issue, he was well-aware that he was the exception to the rule and was always wary of their surroundings to make sure Jade was comfortable and had sufficient distance from others to avoid accidental touches. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"As he looked at Jade, he realised that her face was slightly pained and as he had moved back, her stomach was in his sight range, and was discoloured. There were bruises in multiple stages of healing, some that looked fairly fresh the black-ish, dark purple ones, maybe 24 hours or less, while others varied from 3-4 days, which were a more faded blue-ish purple to some that were closer to a week old, which were yellow in colour. At first glance, Beck was horrified, thinking he may have touched her too roughly when he was too involved with making out, but then reality hit. He had already been wary of this next step and his touch had been feather light, not to mention the bruises wouldn't be in different stages of healing or look like that if it had just happened. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"His fear and anger at whoever hurt her meshed together, and he spoke to her harsher than he intended, "Jade, what are these? Where – emwho/em did this?!"/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"She flinched slightly at his tone, but covered it up and responded angrily, "I just fell down the stairs at school. I hit the banister at an awkward angle and I just forgot about it still being sore." She was terrified at him finding out. She was kicking herself for getting lost in the moment, having been so careful until now to make sure to stop anything if she knew she had marks on herself under her clothes. But they had never actually gotten to taking her clothes off. She knew Beck was waiting for her to be ready, knowing that despite her comfort with him, when they entered new territory, it still made her nervous, and sometimes, close to a wreck./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Seeing Jade's reaction to his tone, he forced himself to relax his posture and visibly calm down. He never, emnever/em wanted Jade to have a reason to fear him. He knew, though she would never admit it, that despite coming a long way, and trusting Beck to touch her, it didn't mean all her fear had been erased. He had seen her expression around others and understood that while she trusted him to not hurt her physically, that didn't extend to anyone else, not even Cat, 100%. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"He shook his head, and looked directly into her eyes, "No, Jade, babe. Someone did these, I can even make out a handprint. Please tell me who is hurting you. I swear to you, you know that I would do anything to stop anyone from hurting you, that I wouldn't let you be hurt if I could help it."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade, who had been hiding Adrian's abuse along with her other secrets about her homelife for so long, fought back, and they had a pretty heated argument. Beck was desperate to know who was hurting his girlfriend, and Jade was becoming more and more frantic to avoid Beck finding out the truth, and unravelling the small parts of her life that she had control of. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"She was still deathly afraid of what would happen if her mom found out, and if she either didn't care, or had already known. Jade knew she would be devastated, and despaired in her darkest of moments that her mother may even throw her out, claiming she was disrupting her mother's love life too much. Jade knew well that her dad and whichever partner he currently had would not, by any means, accept having her live with them full time, not even if they would be travelling on business trips and she would be on her own. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Her immense fear made her lash out at Beck, and if it had been any other argument than something regarding Jade's safety, Beck may have lost control and added more fuel to the fire and returned the verbal lashing he was currently being dealt with. As it was, he was struggling to remain calmer than Jade, knowing if he did lash out, not only would he not be able to get to the bottom of who was hurting her, but he may do irreparable damage to the trust he'd managed to build./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Taking a deep breath, he locked eyes with her, so she was clear that he was going to touch her. When she was this fired up at him, there was a 50/50 chance whether she would allow his touch if she didn't expect it. He raised his arms in her direction, slowly and took a couple steps towards her, his arms both stretched out in front of him. When he was within reach, he wrapped his arms around her, and brought her closer to his chest, so that her head rested on it. They stayed like that for a few moments, Beck using Jade's breathing to determine that she was calming down a little./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Once she was calmer, he spoke softly into her hair, "babe, please. You don't have to tell me everything, if you're not able to or you don't want to. But please, you have to understand that I need to know who it is, so that I can try to protect you as much as possible." He lifted her chin, and looked down into her eyes, showing her his desperation and absolute need to help her, "I love you, Jade, and it absolutely is destroying me knowing that someone has done that to you," he gestured towards her stomach, "and I'm sure there may even be more that I haven't seen, and that I not only didn't see you in pain, but it's been happening right under my nose and I've been blind to all of it." Guilt shot through him, hating that he was making it about himself, but he needed to know who to protect her from, and he was not above guilting her into telling him, if that's what it took. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade closed her eyes, indecisive. She didn't want to be the reason for Beck to be so concerned about her and the pain in his eyes as he spoke suggested that just because she was experiencing the physical pain associated with her injuries, didn't mean he wasn't suffering if she was. She could see that he truly was distraught that he hadn't seen that she'd been in pain, that someone had hurt her and he not only didn't know it had happened, but hadn't realised she had been suffering from it. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""Adrian," Jade whispered, eyes clenched shut. She knew the potential consequences of anyone finding out, but she was quickly realising that Beck in any sort of pain, she couldn't help but do whatever was in her power to help relieve it. Beck wanted to know, so she told him, despite her immense fear of the consequences. She unconsciously couldn't help but place Beck first, even before herself, despite her survival instincts having gotten her this far in her life. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck tightened his grip on Jade unconsciously as he heard Jade's mothers' boyfriends' name, but only for a moment. He released her quickly, as if she had burned him, worrying he had hurt her. He looked at her, and asked, "did I hurt you, just now? Was I holding you too tight?"/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"She shook her head quietly but kept looking at him for his reaction. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""Have you told your mom?" Beck asked, unsure if he wanted to hear the answer or not. What answer would be a good one? That she had told her mother, and yet her mother was still with Adrian despite the pain he clearly inflicted on her daughter? Or she hadn't told her mother, and had been suffering silently for who knows how long?/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade shook her head again, this time averting her eyes. She took a deep breath, but realised she had nothing to say. If Beck asked, she would answer what she could. After all, he deserved to know./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck was unsure how much to keep pushing Jade, but figured if he kept asking, and she kept responding, even if nonverbally, he would continue. This was a serious matter, and he needed to know as much as possible to ensure she'd be safe. If she didn't want to or couldn't answer something, she just wouldn't, he knew that./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck hugged her to him, trying to provide her with as much comfort and the feeling of safety she had once told him she felt in his arms, "why, Jade? Why haven't you told her?"/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade hesitated, knowing she'd be intensely vulnerable, a feeling she hated more than anything as she couldn't respond without telling Beck of her deepest, most intense fears./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"That night, Beck found out about a whole other side to Jade he hadn't been aware of. He heard what her deepest fears were, how intensely afraid she was of abandonment, from both of her parents, and how she was also too afraid to find out if her mother had already known about the abuse. Beck's opinions of both of Jade's parents consisted of disgust and intense fury at what they had put the misunderstood, suffering young teenager through. She didn't deserve their treatment of her, and he started to see why her exterior was as tough as it was. If it stayed that way, and people didn't penetrate through it, they couldn't hurt her. It made him immensely proud of both her and himself that she had allowed him to do so. He promised himself, not for the last time, that he would do whatever it took, everything in his power to make sure to not hurt his currently vulnerable girlfriend and to not allow anyone else to do so either./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"While Jade was exhausted after revealing (some) of her homelife to him and had fallen asleep with her head tucked into his shoulder on the couch, Beck started making mental plans on how to protect his girlfriend. They hadn't had sleepovers very often, especially since he had a vague suspicion that Jade presumed if she stayed over frequently, he would anticipate sex, and he very well knew she wasn't ready, so she just avoided staying the night. He decided to discuss it with her the next day, make sure she was well aware that until she was ready, he would not expect a single thing, but that she was to remain in his RV if her dad wasn't in town, and Adrian was staying over at her mom's. He helped her to create cover stories as both her parents expected her to convey any messages to the other parent, and therefore made it easier for her to hide where she would be. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"As time went by, Beck and Jade both enjoyed and became reliant on knowing at the end of any day, good, bad or ugly, they would be in the others' arms. It still took several months before their relationship went to the next level, and while difficult, Beck was patient, knowing that Jade had her reasons. They became closer, spoke about a lot of personal topics and built an extremely strong foundation. The more insecurities revealed to the other, meant more attention to avoid triggering them. That didn't mean it was fool proof, but both Beck and Jade hated causing the other pain. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"And while at first, Beck didn't realise that Jade's fear of abandonment not only ran extremely deep but also extended to himself and Cat, when they had one of the worst fights they had had throughout the course of their relationship, resulting in Jade leaving to avoid regretting saying something she couldn't take back. She went to one of her usual haunts, along the water, at the top of a cliff and just sat down their observing the waves while holding her knees to her chest, with her arms wrapped around herself. Beck found her like that./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Before Beck could even announce his presence, she spoke softly, and explained to him just how scared she was to lose him. "Beck, I know, I know extremely well that you deserve better than me. I hear it almost every day, at school, in the halls, they don't even realise I'm there, and can hear them. I've always known that, but when you're with those girls… they're the ones everyone thinks you should be with, they're who are deserving to be with you. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""And I know I'm messed up, I know I have issues and that I make your life complicated. I'm difficult, abrupt, angry, hateful, vengeful and you deserve better. So, when I see those girls hanging off of you, I can't help it. I get so caught up in my fear of losing you that I lash out at you, even if sometimes it's not your fault. It hurts to know that I could lose you so easily, especially since I've become so dependent on you. I love you, Beck, and I know I don't say it nearly enough but you've helped me and protected me and I honestly don't know sometimes where I may have ended up without you. And I know none of what I said excuses all of what I've said and done, but you have to know it's not just jealousy. I'll – " /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"At first, Beck had allowed Jade to keep talking, needing to hear why it bothered her so much, when in his eyes, it was harmless. It was him being polite, he wasn't flirting. But hearing her out and knowing how deep her fear ran, and that it was because she loved him, he couldn't help but cut her off by kissing her. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"They kissed deeply, and when they stopped to take a breath, Beck responded softly, and regretfully as he explained his side, "Babe, I'm sorry. I didn't know how much it bothered you, or why. I'll make a concerted effort to make them well aware I'm taken, and that there's only you for me. I never wanted to hurt you, I just… I liked seeing you go off at some of those girls, it felt like I would belong to you, that you cared to hold on to me, to fight for me. But none of that is worth what it's been doing to you."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""I don't mind going off at some of those girls, especially the harmless ones. But it hurts when you don't stop them from touching you or you're always giving them rides, or allowing them to flirt with you, and not making them aware that you have a girlfriend. I can't handle cheating. All of these things can lead to cheating, and Beck, that's an absolute dealbreaker for me. I don't think I'd ever be able to get past it. It makes me feel worthless and as if I'm of no value to you, because you're clearly still looking for something if you don't feel the need to stop it by telling them you're unavailable. I don't think I can do this. I've seen what happened with my parents, the cheating, the pain, the anger, and the way neither have ever wanted me, and all of this just makes it feel like that's all I'll ever get. And that can't be it, because then why do I even bother to try?"/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"While Jade was talking, Beck remained silent, and as Jade wasn't looking at Beck as she was talking, finding it easier to speak about deeply personal thoughts and feelings while looking out at the waves crashing underneath, she didn't realise that Beck's eyes had watered, though no tears fell. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"How had he let her feel like this? For so long? How could he not see how much his actions had been hurting her, had been causing deeper wounds in areas she already had deep insecurities. He felt self-loathing run through himself, and swore that he would listen better to when Jade spoke. Just because they fought with raised voices, and just because he thought it was over superficial reasons – didn't mean there wasn't a deeper significance for Jade. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"He knew the internal scars she carried, and had always prided himself on helping her become stronger, but at this time, he wondered how good he could possibly be for her if he couldn't even tell how badly his actions hurt her? He resolved to do his best to be more upfront with those flirting with him, to make sure Jade never doubted that she was the only one for him, and that emhe/em was the one who didn't deserve emher/em. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""I swear, I empromise/em you, Jay, that I will do better. I'll make sure those girls know that I'm taken, and that emI'm/em the one who doesn't deserve emyou/em. I swear to you, I will never, ever cheat on you. I love you, and I'm so, so sorry that I've made you feel like this. You're emnot/em worthless. You're amazing, talented, stunning and so strong and that's why you have to try. Please, please you have to promise me that if you ever, emever/em feel like you're at a point you don't know why you're trying, then you come to me, you tell me. I will emalways/em do my best to make sure you have a reason to try."/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""I promise."/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; text-align: center;" align="center"***/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Once Beck felt like he could return to the hallways of Hollywood Academy, he got up and went to his locker, hoping that one of his friends had picked up his forgotten bag from Sikowitz's classroom, and placed it into his locker for him. Sure enough, as he opened it, his bag almost fell out. He switched out his books, and then was deciding whether to go to class, or ask Cat to come out of class so he could speak to her./p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Messaging Cat as he walked towards the class he believed she was in, 'emHey Cat, can you come out of class for a minute, I'm standing outside. Just wanted a quick word.'/em He was dreading having this conversation, but pushed through it, knowing he would have no peace of mind if he didn't./p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"He got there, and was only waiting a couple of moments before Cat came out. He looked up as he heard her footsteps, and noticed that it wasn't her typical easy-going, happy expression. It reminded him of the many times she had witnessed his interactions with other girls, whether Jade was present or not, before he realised just why it bothered Jade so much. She had always glared at him disapprovingly, and he had always turned a blind eye to it, thinking he was just being polite. It wasn't until Jade and him hashed out everything that evening at the cliffside, where he realised that Cat most likely knew how his actions had affected Jade. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat was unusually serious as she waited for Beck to speak. They walked a little way aways from the door of the classroom, not wanting anyone to look out and see them, or overhear them./p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck took a deep breath, before starting, "I know I'm not in a position to ask for any favours of you, but can you please check in on Jade?" He looked away, unable to meet Jade's best friends' eyes, knowing that Cat was probably furious with him. He and Cat had always looked out for Jade, and between them, they had always had a mostly silent understanding to always look out for Jade, and protect her (though they would never tell Jade this, knowing she would most likely be insulted, believing they didn't think she could look after herself). /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Ever since they had all become friends, both Beck and Cat were the most observant with Jade's behaviour and mannerisms. They realised that a lot of her actions and behaviours were a front, and especially when Jade was exceptionally enraged, it usually was a cover for a deeper hurt or fear. While Cat had known Jade longer, and therefore been exposed to Jade, even while she was developing her harsh exterior, Beck had witnessed many more of Jade's softer moments, moments of vulnerabilities that he had been entrusted with. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat knew that Jade had a difficult homelife, and that while she was never all too keen to spend time with her dad, Jade still preferred being at her dad's place rather than her mother's. Jade had also had moments of what she considered weakness mostly with Cat, especially when her homelife was exceptionally terrible, when the anxiety of going home everyday became too much for the young girl, especially pre-Hollywood Arts days, and there had been a couple of rare moments where she had broken down in front of Cat. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat knew that while Jade presented herself as untouchable and tough, that that wasn't always the case, and anytime Jade seemed to be derailing, she made sure to keep an eye on her friend, and be available. She would annoy Jade enough that most times Jade would give in and spend the day or evening with her, and Cat realised that while sometimes Jade would appear irritated, her body language would relax a little, and at times, Cat would even reach out and hug Jade, always making sure Jade was aware of the upcoming touch. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"When Beck entered Jade's life, Cat had less opportunities to be there for Jade, but while Beck was still learning about Jade, Cat had moments where she was overprotective of Jade and made sure Beck knew it. She would occasionally intervene if she could see Jade was overwhelmed, or, especially at the start, when Beck would occasionally touch Jade and she was spaced out enough to not see it coming, Cat would squeal extra loudly, or make a big deal about something insignificant or start a story with, "My brother…" to bring Jade back to reality and see Beck's touch coming, so she wasn't startled by it. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Over time, Beck and Cat had developed subtle signals, especially when one of them, or both, were particularly concerned about Jade. Sometimes this involved just making sure Jade wasn't on her own, and didn't go home, but to one of their places, or out somewhere. Other times it meant just remaining in constant contact with her, whether phone calls, or regular text messages about mundane day to day things to check in on her. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"They both knew that Jade sometimes did spiral into negative thoughts and feelings – well, more than usual – and that if not caught on early enough, the bickering would escalate to fights and behaviour that would scare off teachers, students and anyone else that would cross her path for several days to come. The smallest things would trigger her, if she delved too deeply without an anchor pulling her up. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"As Jade and Beck got more serious over the months, Cat had become less overprotective of Jade with Beck. If Beck did something that caused Jade to unleash genuine fury and hurt at him, Cat would allow it to play out. She realised that when Jade was truly hurt, if Beck didn't see that, he wouldn't look for a deeper, underlying cause for their argument. So, she didn't intervene, though at times she found it exceptionally difficult to stay quiet. This didn't mean she didn't still comfort Jade with her presence, but she stopped pushing Beck away as much, and let him realise on his own that Jade wasn't just acting out, or having a bad day. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Once Beck knew, he always made sure to do his best to not cause her to be hurt again, and it strengthened their relationship. Cat learnt to trust Beck with her best friend, and she had made sure he knew that she didn't do that lightly, and that even though he took care of Jade more frequently nowadays, it didn't mean she wouldn't go after him if anything ever changed in that regard./p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"So, when he had gone and kissed the new girl, Tori, that morning in improv, Cat's eyes had widened in shock, disbelieving what she had even seen. Cat knew Jade's issues with how her parents broke up, the cheating and the neglect, and all the fights that had come up, and that Beck knew a lot of this, but Jade had always been confident that the one thing she absolutely was sure of was that if nothing else, Beck wouldn't cheat on her. Cat had been staring at Beck, betrayed and disappointed, and hadn't even managed to look over to Jade before the bell had rung, and next thing she knew Beck was a blur out the door. Cat hadn't even seen a glimpse of Jade leaving. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"At first, she had wanted to go find her best friend, and she had looked around, thinking Jade would need a friendly someone to be with her. She messaged Jade to let her know she was looking for her, and that she wanted to be there with her. Jade had just responded, 'emlater, maybe after school.'/em/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat took that to mean Jade wanted alone time to think before anything else, and while she kept an eye out for the older girl, she tried her best to go back to her classes and focus. Cat had had plenty of time to think of Beck's actions, and her fury with him was on a volcanic level. Of all the horrible, hurtful, humiliating things he could have done to Jade – he had to publicly kiss another girl, knowing that the other girl was just using him as a pawn in her revenge at Jade. He emknew/em how she undeserving she felt, how her parents' history had impacted her, and he still kissed that girl with little regard to his watching girlfriend. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck had betrayed their understanding of always protecting Jade, and instead inflicted pain on her with his thoughtless, meaningless actions that morning. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat snapped at Beck, "I don't need emyou/em telling me to look out for her, or to check in with her! emYou're/em the one who hurt her, who clearly forget about her enough to emkiss another girl right in front of her/em!"/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat's tone caused Beck to become defensive, something that hadn't happened since the very early days of his friendship with Jade. Back then, he had always known that Cat was watching him closely, monitoring how he treated Jade, and he knew that she would be there to call him out on anything if he made a single wrong move towards her best friend. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"While Jade was the one who often displayed quiet moments where she was protective of Cat, in an almost maternal or older-sister fashion, Beck knew that Cat not only reciprocated the sentiment, and was just as protective in return. And while Jade may be vaguely aware of it in a 'Cat's my oldest friend' kind of way, Cat was discreet enough as she knew Jade would deem it as unnecessary and an insult to her reputation to 'need' protection from another person, but especially Cat. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""I didn't forget about her!" Beck retorted, angry at the suggestion. A part of him knew he shouldn't be mad at the younger girl, that she was right to call him out on what he had done, that she was doing it in defence of the same person he cared the most about as well, but he couldn't help it. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat responded sharply, "Oh, so you emknew/em she would be watching and did it anyway?!"/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck run an aggravated hand through his rather tousled hair, "No! No, Cat, of course not! Don't you think I know how much I've hurt her?! That I hate myself for doing this, and that I'm going to lose her over this?"/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat yelled, still not backing down, not softened at all by his words, and the defeat that entered into his voice, "How could you have hurt her?! You emknow/em Jade! You know what cheating is to her, what happened with her parents! You broke her trust!" Cat's voice got quieter, but the fury underlaying it was such that Beck had never heard of from Cat. "The emone thing/em she trusted from you more than anything else was that you wouldn't cheat on her! She was always so confident that you would never, that you'd break up with her before that would ever happen!"/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck could feel a lump in his throat at her words, the truth slicing through him, but he couldn't help but weakly defend himself, "I didn't mean to hurt Jade! I would never hurt Jade. I love her!"/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat scoffed sarcastically at his words, "well, you have a great way of showing it! I've stayed out of your relationship for a long time now, because I thought that we both understood Jade, and that we would both be looking out for her. I trusted you with her! Clearly, I was wrong. You stay away from Jade, unless she says otherwise! I'll do what I've always done, and be there for her, but don't you dare step another foot near her!"/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck swallowed down his instinctive defensiveness at Cat's words, recalling why he had called Cat outside of class in the first place. Jade may well not be able to stand him, may well hate him, but he needed to make sure she would have a place to go, someone to check in on her, and keep her safe. Jade had taken to using Beck's RV as a refuge from Adrian and her parents' neglect. He couldn't allow his actions to cause Jade to be more hurt than she already was. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""Cat, I know I don't deserve her. I obviously didn't deserve your trust either. If she doesn't want me near her, then I'll stay away," Beck's voice broke, as he said the words. "But, please, just… look after her for me? She stays with me most nights to be away from her mother's house, and her dad's away at the moment, and you know he won't let her stay when he's not there. She can't stay at her mom's, okay? She obviously won't want to be near me, so ask her for sleepovers, but please, she shouldn't get hurt at her place just because I'm a colossal asshole."/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat was angry that Beck thought she wouldn't have thought of all that when taking care of Jade. She had been doing this long before Beck came into the picture. But after truly seeing his face, and his pleading words, she knew it would do neither of them any good to continue. "I'll look after her," she said. "I won't let her go back to emhim/em."/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck nodded gratefully. "Thanks, Cat. And, I'm sorry. I know I hurt Jade, but I also hurt you by hurting Jade. Let me know if there's anything I can do for either of you, even if she doesn't know it."/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat nodded briefly, knowing she would never reach out to Beck without Jade asking her to. She turned away from him, and returned back to class just as the bell went to grab her things and went to find Jade./p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"She would look after her, make sure she was distracted enough that her thoughts wouldn't spiral too much. Cat knew the next few days would be difficult. Cat didn't like Jade to be in pain, and hadn't had to worry too much about it over the past few months as much. Beck had stepped up more than she had expected initially, but that had now come crashing down./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; text-align: center;" align="center"***/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"It was now lunch, and Cat had managed to find Jade just as she seemed to be heading away from the tables outside, where they usually sat at. Cat realised Jade would probably be avoiding everyone, and made sure to stay right at her elbow, and sat down with her at a table further away from their usual with the rest of their friends. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade half-heartedly protested, "No, Cat. I want to be alone, you go sit with the others."/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat just shook her head, not even deeming that worth a response. "How are you, Jade? Have you spoken to Beck?"/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Pain crossed Jade's face fleetingly, before she covered it up. Jade spoke sharply but quietly, "I'm fine. Just leave it."/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat gave Jade a one-armed hug, while remaining sitting, silently telling Jade that she was there for her. Jade protested as usual, but Cat could tell they were empty words. Jade was leaning into her hug, and it looked like she really needed the comfort. /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat started eating her lunch, while Jade picked at the salad in front of her, not really putting much in her mouth. Cat knew when Jade was really upset, she usually didn't eat much, and the only thing that you would ever see her put in her mouth would be her coffee./p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Once Cat had eaten her fill, she checked with Jade to see if she was also done with her meal, and then reached out to throw both their trays in the bin. She came back, and walked with Jade but directed her to the Jet's Brew, as they had enough time, to get Jade a coffee. Jade didn't pay much attention to where they were going, but when she saw the café in her line of sight, she turned to Cat with a grateful small smile./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"The rest of the day went past quietly, though there were whispered comments and looks in the hallways directed at Jade due to the mornings eventful class. Cat glared at everyone in the halls and stayed right by Jade's side for the remainder of the day. After school, Cat didn't give Jade an option, but steered her towards the bus stop, as that's how Cat was getting home. Jade would normally get a different bus to her mother's place./p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade protested unhappily, "Cat, I need to go to my mom's."/p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""No, Jade. You're coming to my place; you can spend the night. You've left over clothes before. You're not going to your mothers," Cat said, firmly, a rarity for her, but she knew she would not budge on this, no matter how angry or otherwise Jade may be with her./p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;" /p
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade hated someone telling her what she could or couldn't do, and normally that would make her start an argument just on that principle. But she had had an exhausting day, she didn't want to go to her mom's, she had been dreading it all day, and she could probably use the distraction of spending time with Cat, so she allowed it to slide. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"For the bus ride, Cat prattled on about meaningless things, and by doing so stopped Jade from delving too deep into her increasingly darker thoughts of what had happened earlier, and whether Beck and her could even survive this. The pain she felt seeing that kiss, was only eclipsed by the shock of it. She had never believed Beck would do something like this – he had always been too polite, too nice, even when it caused fights amongst them over it. She knew that Beck wasn't always the nice, calm and collected person he presented to the world, but he had never done anything so outright cruel to her. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade and Cat both had some homework, and after that they grabbed some dinner from Cat's kitchen and decided to watch a movie. Jade just shrugged when Cat asked her what she wanted to watch, so Cat selected one of Jade's favourites from when she was younger, The Breakfast Club. Cat cuddled up with Jade on the couch, and while Cat was focusing on the movie, she also made sure to keep an eye out on Jade. She knew when Jade had a lot on her mind, she would just tune out her surroundings. At one point, Cat felt Jade shuddering, and looked up to see Jade's face scrunched up, as if in pain, and her eyes looked watery. Cat turned her body, and hugged Jade, running her hand gently from the top of Jade's head, to the length of her hair soothingly. She knew that it had been a really difficult day for her friend, and that Jade had most likely just kept everything in, not wanting anyone to see her fall apart./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat knew Jade needed to let it out, because if she didn't, Jade would just allow it to fester deep down, causing her to be in a horrible mood for the foreseeable future, and eventually burst at the smallest thing. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""Why would he do this, Cat? He knows it's a dealbreaker for me, he knows why any form of cheating does to me, and he still kissed her in front of everyone! Right in front of me! I know she's pretty and talented, and the type of girl that everyone thinks he should go out with, but then why couldn't he have broken up with me and then gone out with her? It would've made it hurt less! At least he wouldn't have betrayed me," Jade broke down, with her tears now running down her eyes in full force./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat murmured soothingly, "you're exceptionally talented, smart and beautiful, Jade. You're in your own category, and you've always been like that."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""I know he deserves better than me, Cat, I've always known that. I'm more often than not a mess, and am angry, bitter, pissed off and probably the worst girlfriend. But he told me he loved me and he wouldn't leave me. That there was no-one else for him. And I think I was starting to believe it. But she's been here for emtwo days/em and she managed to make him forget about all the promises he made to me, and got him to help her humiliate me. How could he have ever cared or even loved me, if that's all it took?" Jade was defeated, and had wrapped her arms around her legs, curling up into a ball, as if trying to hold herself together. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"It was clear to Cat that the few seconds it took for that kiss to occur had now caused so many of Jade's insecurities to start bleeding again. It had taken a long time for Cat, and then Beck, to start healing some of them, but now it was like all that hard work had gone down the drain. It caused Cat's blood to boil in righteous fury and bitterness at Beck's thoughtless action. If only he could see Jade now, and see what damage he had caused. She already knew he bitterly regretted it, but at that moment she didn't care whatsoever how emhe/em felt, when he had caused her Jade this much pain and doubts in herself. He very well knew just how unloved Jade was by both her parents, and their respective partners, and to hear her question Beck's love was excruciating. Cat was cursing Beck internally, repeatedly when hearing Jade's doubts, and how she was internalising it, despite her best efforts./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat continued murmuring sweet nothings to Jade, in an effort to calm her down, and let her fall asleep easier. However, Cat was woken up multiple times throughout the night by a restless Jade. She was constantly changing positions, getting up to pace in an effort to tire herself out, and just being unable to sleep./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"The next morning, Cat and Jade were both exhausted, but Cat knew they should leave for school a bit earlier than she normally would so they could stop to get Jade a coffee. After the night they had had, Jade especially would need a coffee to survive the first couple of hours of the day, let alone the entire day./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"They stopped by Jade's locker, and while Cat was waiting for Jade to grab her books, out of the corner of her eye, Cat saw Beck watching them. He looked like he hadn't slept at all the night before, and she could tell he wanted to come over, but was holding himself back because of their conversation yesterday to stay away from Jade. Seeing Beck reminded her of Jade last night, and she sent him a withering glare of hatred and disgust, not wanting Jade to see him until they got into class. There was no need for her to see him for any length of time that she didn't absolutely need to for classes./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck flinched, but turned away, shoulders slightly hunched. He headed to class, hoping Jade would attend so he could at least look at her, and see how she was doing. He wouldn't force his presence on her if she didn't want it. He didn't want to make it harder on her./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"In class he was watching as her and Cat walked in, and sat on the other side of the classroom. Beck was watching Jade as subtly as he could, noticing that despite her make-up, she still looked quite exhausted and she had an almost defeated look in the way she carried herself, despite walking in with her head held high and making eye contact with anyone in her direct sight. A pang went through him, but he knew the ball was in her court and there wasn't much else he could do, as he had been told to stay away. In most other cases, he would probably have laughed it off, and gotten Jade a coffee first thing, disregarding Cat's demand to leave Jade alone. But his guilt and doubts stopped him. He didn't want to hurt Jade further by forcing her to deal with him until she was ready. He noticed Tori came and sat next to Andre who was on the other side of him. While Robbie was in front, and turned around to speak to Andre and Tori when they entered the classroom. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck had barely interacted with his friends the previous day at lunch, and could barely bring himself to mumble a "hey" in greeting to them. Seeing Tori smiling at him as she caught his eye, made him feel even more guilty but also angry at himself, but her as well. It was his fault he was in this situation, and he could've very easily said so many other variations of what he had said during the improv exercise to get out of kissing her, but a small part of him was furious that she had put him in this situation, knowing Jade was his girlfriend. That she smiled at him indicated she had no idea how much damage she had helped to cause, and she didn't display an iota of remorse./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"He tried to focus as much as possible in his classes that day to stop his wandering mind straying to the likelihood of having thrown away an almost three year relationship./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"That day was not easy for Jade, either. Seeing Tori smile at Beck as she came into class just reminded her of the kiss, and she turned her head away before she could see anything else. Jade just put her head down, and did her best to get through the day with minimal effort./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"The next few days were of the same sort. Both avoided each other, and their friendship group seemed to be currently split unevenly. Beck sat with Andre, who brought along Tori, and Robbie. Cat and Jade sat together. After two days had passed in the same fashion, once school had finished, Cat asked Jade to go to the frozen yogurt shop after school, figuring a small change in scenery might do them both good. Cat had had to argue with Jade each day to make sure she came home with her, rather than returned to her mother's. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"As they walked to Cat's place eating their frozen yogurts – or in Jade's case, her sorbet – Cat hesitatingly asked Jade, "Where are things with you and Beck at? I know you two spoke the day it happened, but have you officially broken up?" /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat knew if she let Jade be, Jade would be happy to leave it as is, and try ignoring it, hoping it would go away. And despite Beck's constant eyes on Jade, and even Cat at times, she could see that his resolve at staying away was slowly falling apart. She could see the pain and regret in his eyes, and despite Cat's anger at Beck, she still maintained eye contact with him in their own little language to convey that physically Jade was okay, was staying with her and that Cat was looking after her. She knew those momentary glances were the only reason he hadn't tried approaching Jade since./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade kept eating her sorbet, after quickly glancing at Cat before looking away again. "No, we haven't broken up completely."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat waited a couple of moments, seeing if Jade would say anything further, but when no further information was imminent, she prompted, "'Completely?' What do you mean?"/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""When we spoke on the second day of school, after the kiss, he apologised and told me why he thought he had kissed her and I told him I needed time, that I wasn't sure if it was worth it for me to try again, after he had betrayed my trust. Ever since, he hasn't said a word to me," Jade sighed, not knowing if she was happy that he hadn't approached her or wishing he had at least tried to fight for her. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat looked sharply at Jade at her last comment. Did Jade emwant/em Beck to be reaching out to her? Had she inadvertently added to Jade's misery? "Umm, Jade? He hasn't reached out to you because, well, I kind of lost it on him that day. I told him to stay away from you, unless you said otherwise. He has been around, but just out of sight, like when you're at your locker in the morning, he'll be there every day, but he won't come close enough for you to see him. I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted, I just didn't want him to constantly be around since I thought you needed time to decide how you felt about the whole thing."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade stopped walking and turned to Cat, taking in what she had just been told. "You 'emlost'/em it on him? I – uh – I did need some time, and – " Jade cut-off her own words, and hugged Cat, causing Cat to squeal in surprise. It was rare for Jade to initiate a hug. "Thank you," Jade murmured to Cat. Jade couldn't express in words just how much she appreciated the younger girl defending her to Beck, and standing up for her. It was rare that someone did, mostly because she did it herself, and didn't need much defending due to her touch, sarcastic persona, but even when she did, namely with her parents, there had never been anyone in her corner fighting for her in front of them. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Once Jade let go, Cat resumed the conversation, "So, have you thought about whether you'll give him another chance?"/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade looked at Cat for a moment, and said, "I want to trust him, I've missed him a lot over the past few days, and I love him. But, I don't know if I even know how to trust anymore. How do I know this won't happen again? I know he apologised and said he would never to anything like this again, but I thought he never would do something like this in the first place, and yet he did. I don't know, Cat."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat smiled sadly at her friends' words, knowing it wasn't easy for the older girl to trust in any case, let alone when she had been burned. "Look, Jade. If you decide to give him a second chance, you're risking being hurt. If you don't, you emwill/em be hurt, because I know you, and you and Beck, it's like you're whole together. You both make each other better, you just emfit/em."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat hesitated for a moment, then decided there was no harm in telling Jade what Cat had witnessed in Beck since the kiss. "I may have been, and still am furious with Beck for the kiss, and how much he's hurt you, but, Jadey, I've also seen just how much it's hurt him too. He blames himself – and it is his fault – but it's like he's drowning in guilt. He knows what he's done, that he damaged the trust he'd built with you, and honestly, he's been walking around almost like a zombie. He hasn't been sleeping, I don't think I've seen him eat an entire meal at school, and he looks like he's always in pain." /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat continued, "When I spoke to him, I was really angry, so I let him have it, but I did know that he was wrecked about what he'd done, and that he loved you, and I don't think he thinks he has a chance with you, even though you said you told him you needed time, because he told me that he'd already lost you. If anything, I don't think he will ever do anything like this again."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"For a moment, Cat considered telling Jade about Beck's request to look out for Jade, but she shook that thought away. Jade didn't need to know that both of them would always look out for her like this, they would just do it silently out of love for her./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade sighed softly, but a small, but genuine, smile was working its way across her face, "Maybe I just have to take things slow, and see how we go? You're right, I don't want to break up with him, and I know it'll hurt. He's one of my closest friends, not just my boyfriend, and even though he said he'd be just friends with me if we can't be together, I think that'll be too hard."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Cat nodded in acceptance. "That's a good idea, go slow. It'll take time to rebuild trust anyway. Just… don't put undue amount of pressure on yourself to get to where you were before the kiss. He needs to wait until you're ready, don't just push yourself to try to trust him if you feel like it's taking too long, okay?"/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade raised an eyebrow at the insightfulness of her closest friend. Cat was on the dot. Jade knew she would push herself, even if Beck didn't. Jade knew that while Cat appeared childish and sometimes regressive in age, that Cat would step up if Jade needed her to, as much as she was capable, as she had seen this week, in particular. Cat had been her rock, Jade wasn't sure if she'd have made it in one piece – if only, she would've definitely been hurt multiple times at her mother's if not for Cat's insistence on the extended sleepover./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"They walked the remainder of the distance to Cat's place, as they finished off the last of their frozen yogurt. They finished the afternoon off with homework, and watched one of Cat's favourite Disney movies before bed./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"The next day Jade resolved to speak to Beck, but she wanted to do so with full privacy. While they had managed at times to find moments of solitude at school, more often than not, they were interrupted. This was too important to allow the same, so she decided that just before the end of the day, she would approach Beck for a ride to his RV so they could talk./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Now that Jade had made up her mind, she was eager for the day to pass quickly. However, that just made it drag slower than a snail, or at least that's how she felt, and she was on edge enough that she was snapping a little faster and harsher than normal at anyone she interacted with. She managed to just hold back enough with Cat to not offend her, but couldn't say the same for anyone else./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"As Beck was gathering the last of his things from his locker before he headed to the carpark to go home, he noticed Jade walking in his direction. As much as he was relieved to have her come towards him, and maybe interact with him, he also dreaded it. What if she was only wanting to speak to him to let him know she couldn't trust him or give him another chance? Even though he had been riddled with doubt this week, the confirmation of it would be excruciating. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""Beck, I'm riding with you today to your RV," Jade stated, confidence radiating off her. Even though she was a little nervous for the conversation – emwhat if he didn't want her anymore? What if he had realised that he was better off without her? – /emshe made sure to not expose her vulnerability. "We need to talk."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck paused, surprised, before nodding his head, "Just give me a second to grab what I need, and we can head to the car." At her last words, dread went through him, but he was glad they would have this conversation away from school, away from prying ears and eyes. He didn't need anyone to overhear her tell him that she couldn't give him another chance, and that they were breaking up./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"The car ride was silent, but not awkward. It seemed like both of them didn't want to start until they were in the privacy of his RV. Once they were inside, Jade headed to the couch, and sat down facing where Beck was about to sit down./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""Before you start, Jade, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry again. I can't believe I kissed her and hurt you like this. I love you so much, and it's tearing me apart that I'm the reason we're here. You didn't deserve this," Beck said, emphatically. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade could see the immense amounts of pain, guilt and exhaustion in his eyes. He had clearly been restless at night, just like she had, and for a moment she had a fleeting feeling of satisfaction that she wasn't the only one who had been suffering, despite Cat having told her the day before. It was different seeing it with her own eyes./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""Beck, I want to trust you again. I want us to try," Jade whispered, and was taken aback by the tear that ran down Beck's face. The disbelief was warring with gratitude and pure joy./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;""You – I – emthank you, Jay,"/em Beck whispered, softly. He wanted to hug her, but he held himself back until she reached for him, and he crushed her to him, as if letting her go meant he would never be able to hold her again. They held each other for a long few moments, enjoying the embrace they had both missed./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Once they broke apart, Jade cleared her throat and said, hesitatingly, almost like a warning, as if he might change his mind about wanting to try, "we'll have to go slowly. It's going to take time for us to get to where we were, and I don't trust so easily, especially this time."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck nodded, not phased. He leaned over to kiss her forehead as he agreed, "We'll go as slowly as you want. I'll do everything in my power to get you to trust me, again. This is already more than I deserve, and I swear I won't give you another reason to think you can't trust me."/p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade nodded, relaxing in Beck's embrace, as his arm wrapped around her tightly. More than anything, this was what they had both missed. Beck was immensely thankful to Jade for giving him a second chance, and vowed silently to never give her a reason to regret it. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Jade stayed the night, and both of them finally had a night of rest, Jade in Beck's arms. They didn't do anything more than kiss sweetly, Beck not wanting to push Jade, and Jade just enjoying the moment. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Their first day back at school after their reunion, of sorts, Beck drove them both in. Beck had gotten up a little earlier to make Jade coffee and breakfast, and then getting them to school in time for a second cup of coffee from Jet's Brew, Jade's favourite place near school./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"Beck knew, knew intimately well just how close he had come to losing Jade entirely. He knew that the odds of Jade wanting to give him a second chance had been extraordinarily low. Jade barely trusted in the first place, and not only had he betrayed that trust in the worst way, in front of an entire class, he had also hurt Jade personally. He emknew/em her insecurities, and he had wrenched them open in the worst way. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"He knew he was overcompensating, and would probably continue to do so for a long time to come. Grabbing Jade a coffee, making her breakfast, grabbing her lunch, holding her a little tighter, kissing her more frequently and passionately at school, standing up for her with either girls who thought they had a chance with him or with guys who would make crude comments about Jade. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"He made sure he was as physically affectionate with her as was publicly appropriate, knowing Jade had never had much when she was younger. He was always affectionate with her, but now he was putting in more effort to be attentive to her too. At the end of the day, in the evening in his RV, he would cuddle with her, or watch her favourite movie or go out for her favourite dessert. He spent all his free time with her, and even if their friends had plans, there were times where they cancelled them to spend time alone together, if they felt they wanted it./p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"It took several months before Beck felt like things were back to where they had been before his stupid kiss with Tori Vega. It had been a rollercoaster at times, and he had been a nervous wreck the first couple of weeks, scared of making a single mistake lest Jade decide it wasn't worth it. When Jade realised how anxious Beck was over it, they had sat down and talked it out. Jade had comforted Beck, and reassured him that she wouldn't just walk out over something insignificant. She was in it for the long haul. It took a long time for Beck to work through his own insecurities about Jade, and how he felt he didn't deserve her, especially after what had happened. /p
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p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm; font-size: medium; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif;"It had actually been Cat in that instance who had stepped in, with Jade unaware, and confronted Beck about it. Beck still vividly recalled Cat's harsh yet accurate words the day of the kiss, and had expected another lashing. Instead, he had been surprised to have Cat wrap her arms around him, hugging him and reassuring him that Jade didn't ever feel like Beck didn't deserve to have her. Cat softly explained that this thought was hindering Jade's ability to trust Beck completely since she felt like there was something off with Beck, and had concluded he had a foot out the door in their relationship. It took some time, but Beck and Jade worked through it and came out on the other side stronger for it. /p
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