"Well you must have known it was called Lost Woods for a reason!" The young guard screamed, exasperated.
"Quiet, you'll disturb the forest. We don't know what creatures live here, and what missteps we might make. It is our duty to respect the land, as we would wish for visitors to the valley," said another, the most thoughtful guard of the three.
"This rain never lets up except with more fog. We desert dwellers weren't meant for this dampness. I feel a chill. With the sun setting, we should just make camp. I'll gather wood for a fire, and we can heat up some of the dried meat and have the remaining cheese from the ranch," the High Guard said.
"Rest here my king. It's time for you to sit, you aren't used to such intense exertion like we are. Your training was not physical like ours. While you studied Gerudo history, we studied our weapons and the powers of endurance." The High Guard motioned for a spot on a log.
Ganondorf gratefully sat his ass down. The guards could see he trembled slightly from exhaustion. As the King, he did very little physical training. That was left to the guards. As the Matriarchs had noted, he was the figurehead. A figurehead doesn't need strong legs or arms, just a strong countenance. Right now, he had none of the above.
Finally he sighed, "I wish I was strong like you all. I didn't find any joy in the physical training. I know men are supposed to be stronger, but it seems opposite for us Gerudo. I have utmost respect for you, unlike I have had before. I'm sure you have already saved my life several times on this trip."
The High Guard comforted him. "You know it wasn't your place to busy yourself with such matters. And besides, us Gerudo warriors are the best in Hyrule, it's not worth your time to try to match us. Your job is to show to the rest of the world that the Gerudo are here to act with the other powers as equals. And to get respect like that, the other races need to see a man in charge. Not everyone understands matriarchy. It is a cultural peculiarity to them. I think it has to do with the harsh desert. Think about it: if you make a mistake in the desert, you die. Not enough food? Too little water? Not enough layers for warmth at night? Too many layers during the hot days? No, the other regions don't have it as tough as we do. They can be reckless, aggressive, bullies, and still have enough leftovers to take care of themselves with after squandering on day-long parties. The cost of failure in the desert is too high to permit mismanagement."
The thoughtful guard, now sitting on a stone, chimed in, "I think you are onto something. The Goron with their minerals and fertile soil to grow specialty crops, the Zora with their seemingly limitless water and fish, the Hylians of Castle Town with their fields, industry, and the taxes they collect from the others. They all value strength above careful reasoning. Their lands overflow with abundance. I think it's a symptom of that abundance. I heard of a distant land called the United States of America, where people grew lazy from the abundance their society provided. They called it 'affluenza', or sickness from wealth. We Gerudo have never had enough abundance to get sick off of."
The young guard balked. "Ha! Imagine living in such a land. Enough abundance to make you sick! I'd be there in a day if you'd point me in the direction."
The thoughtful guard was ready to argue. "You'd never stay. You say you'd go, and I'm sure you would. But you'd never stay. You can't handle sitting for an hour!"
Interrupting them both, the High Guard returned carrying some small sticks and dried pine needles to start a fire. She had heard only part of the conversation, but had something to add. "I think that's why the Hylian King resents us. Taxes are a portion of abundance. We have no abundance, so how can he tax us? I'm sure he would rather simply be rid of the Gerudo and appropriate our lands to use for the Hylians' own benefit. Our only surplus is the bodies of our people, strong and powerful and capable. You can't tax our bodies, you can only tax money or minerals or water rights payments."
The youngest, hottest-headed guard piped up suddenly, "why do we even work with the Hylian Royalty? Why don't we just go it alone? What difference would it make to them? I'm getting tired of trying to establish 'relations' with the other races around Hyrule. I mean, it's in the name, Hyrule - Hylia. The land isn't called Gerudania or something. We are in their land wherever wo go in Hyrule, and even we know it."
Ganondorf smiled. "I admire your courage and strength, but I don't think you understand our position. I didn't just study Gerudo history, I studied history of the entire Kingdom of Hyrule. Hyrule is a land of strife and discord. Calamities such as civil wars, secessions of the major races, power grabs by newly-minted dynasties. These lead to great losses of life. I am not ready to sacrifice our people for such an end, we would not last against the Royal Guard. We must bide our time and play this game of thrones. I seek nothing but a stronger Gerudo position from which to bargain, and then we can return to Castle Town more as equals than beggars."
The youngest replied, motioning to the High guard. "You said it yourself. How would they come after us? It's not worth their time to bother us if we stop paying our tribute. It's so little compared to the royalty's vast resources. I think we could break the bridge and hide on the other side of the valley. They wouldn't bother replacing it, not worth the time."
Ganondorf smiled bitterly. "Were it that easy. Now imagine we did that. We are effectively cutting ourselves off from friends and foes alike. The Zora, the Goron, the Kokiri, each has fought in turn against the Hylian nobility. Our weak point is our inability to work together. If we secede, the Hyrule nobility would go to the Zora and say 'cut off their water and we will suspend your taxes for a decade'. What would they do? The Zoras are loyal to themselves, not to us. We need to establish relationships, this is why we are visiting the Kokiri, the Gorons, and the Zoras with the gifts of the finest jewelry the Gerudo have to offer."
The group heard a scream and a rustle of sticks and leaves off in the distance. The final guard came running back carrying a bundle of green wood and a frown. "I saw one of them, the Kokiri. I asked for help finding my way out of the Lost Woods, and she only scoffed that not everyone who wanders is lost. But I am! I asked her to escort us back to Hyrule Field and she said she could not, she'd 'die' if she left the forest. These Kokiri are so dramatic! She tried to take the wood back from me but I said I cut it, I need it for a fire! I'm getting cold with this dampness. She said I couldn't take green wood, and fires aren't allowed in the forest. But what are we supposed to do, get hypothermia?"
The High guard lowered her gaze and shook her head. "I fear you have caused quite a stir. I can only hope that the Kokiri woman you harmed wasn't an honored member of the tribe."
The final guard quipped back, "I barely touched her! They are just so small, like children. It was ridiculous of her to come after me in the first place. A Gerudo warrior versus a girl, what would she have expected?"
The owl, perched high up in the trees a few miles away, watched and listened. After the Gerudo troop settled down to sleep, it flew silently away to warn the Great Deku Tree of the trespassers in the Lost Woods.